


1968

by TheVioletThread



Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Angst, F/F, Fluff and Angst, Human AU, Kissing, Romance, Set in the sixties, Slow Burn, awkward crushes
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-07-03
Updated: 2018-07-04
Packaged: 2018-07-14 17:47:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 22
Words: 190,588
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7183958
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheVioletThread/pseuds/TheVioletThread
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Pearl is feeling trapped and suffocated by her family and her life. All while desperately trying to hide a secret that would ruin her life if anyone found out. But she didn't plan on one thing:<br/>Lapis Lazuli.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Meeting in a parking lot

Lapis absently tapped her nails against the wooden desktop, each touch making a loud click.

“Ahem.”

Her teacher shot her a glare, which Lapis returned with a smirk. Teachers were so easily annoyed.

She leaned back in her chair. It actually _was_ her chair, because, over time, she had spent so much time in detention it had become unquestionably her own. Even the stupid punks that filled up detention knew better than to sit in her seat.

She rapped her fingers once more, watching the clock slowly tick, three minutes from four. Lapis let her head fall back, uttering a loud groan.

“Miss Coren, please. There is no talking in detention.” The teacher said exasperatedly. Lapis snorted, as the bell finally rang.

Quickly she slid out of her seat, scooping her school books up with one hand as she walked quickly to the door, flashing a satisfied smirk at the teacher. She heard an exasperated sigh behind her, but she was already out the door.

                                            -:-

Pearl sighed. As normal, Rose was late.

She peered around the empty parking lot, where Rose had been supposed to pick her up at 3:30; it was already 4.

This had been happening a lot more often lately, ever since Rose had started dating Greg.  Rose had always used to be there for her, but now it just felt as if Pearl was in the way. Slowly turning into nothing more than a third wheel.

Pearl frowned, and smoothed back her hair carefully. Thinking like that was silly. Rose had always been there for her, and she still was. She was probably going to show up any second now.

Pearl ran her hands along the pleats of her skirt, smoothing it out. All she had to do was be patient.

She sighed again, pulling her books against her chest.

                                                                              -:-

Lapis walked down the empty hallway, her black heels clicking against the floor. This was the way she preferred the school: empty.

It was much better than the morning, where the halls were packed with stupid, horny teenagers pushing, shoving, and making out.

Lapis rolled her eyes.

What an incredible waste of a life.

Usually the masses of people were more than Lapis could stand, so she tended to arrive at all her classes twenty minutes after everyone else. Which was probably one of the reasons she had detention so often.  But at least detention let her leave when everyone else was long gone.

She walked a little brisker, as she reached the door. Shoving it open with a quick push, she stepped outside, wincing slightly at the orange light of the sun as it drooped in the sky.

With a light sigh, she glanced around the deserted parking lot, her eyes stopping on something odd.

Sitting on the curb was a girl, books pulled up to her chest, looking completely miserable.

Cocking her head slightly to one side, Lapis wondered why in the world she was sitting alone in an empty parking lot. The girl glanced at her watch before she groaned, resting her head against a ridiculously massive stack of books carefully balanced in her lap.

So her ride hadn’t shown up. Lapis felt a rare flash of pity for the girl, and before she could think it through, she walked up to where the girl sat.

“Hey.”

She glanced up and her expression was surprised, but only for a moment as she quickly hid it. “Hello.”

Her tone was quick and clipped, but not completely unfriendly. She was an odd little thing, so much like all the rest of the girls at school, yet so different.

She wore a dress, faint pink with light turquoise dots. It suited her, in some strange way. Her strawberry blonde hair was cropped short, curling prettily around her slim face.

Something about her was intriguing.

“Why is someone like you sitting out here?” Lapis asked, arching an eyebrow.

Her eyebrows knotted together at Lapis’s question. “What do you mean someone like me?” She answered a little indignantly.

Lapis laughed. “You don’t know?”

The girl’s expression remained blank. Lapis smiled dryly. “It’s the difference between you and me.”

“And that is?”

“I’m scary, you’re not.”

She stared at Lapis for a moment, then set out a small laugh. The girl glanced down at herself, her cheeks coloring slightly. “I suppose you’re right.”

Lapis chuckled. It was hard to believe that this girl was even real.

Most of the girls at Lapis’s school who wore skirts and heels and makeup, and spent all of their time gossiping and flirting with the football team would never even look at Lapis, much less talk to her.

Which was fine with her. Lapis found them all insufferable.

She couldn’t imagine anything worse than being brain dead like that. But this girl didn’t have that same kind of light in her eyes. They seemed to be constantly in motion, flitting from the ground to Lapis to her books and back to the pavement. And so far she hadn’t looked at her in the way that other girls did.

With fear and discomfort.

At the very most she just seemed reserved. They sat in silence and Lapis wondered if she was actually going to say anything else. “I don’t know your name.”

Lapis glanced up, the other girl’s words snapping her out of her thoughts. “What?”

The girl blinked, tracing a finger along the edge of her book. “I mean, I’ve seen you in school before. Sometimes people talk about you.”

Lapis smirked. “I’m sure.” The girl continued on, unfazed. "I just don’t know your name.” She looked up, meeting Lapis’s eyes for the first time. She smiled.

“Lapis.”

“I’m Pearl.”

Lapis nodded, and got the ridiculous feeling that they were supposed to shake hands or something.

“So, why are you doing sitting in the school’s parking lot? I mean, most people would rather do something not so… boring.”

Pearl glared at her. “I’m waiting for my friend. And I really don’t know why it’s any of your business.”

 _Because you’re actually really cute_. “I just wanted to make sure you were fine. Besides, it’s probably not all that safe for you to be out here alone. And…” she hesitated before continuing. “And I wanted to ask if you wanted a ride.”

Pearl’s eyes darted up to her face, looking for the trick and her mouth fell into a little _oh_ when there isn’t one there.

Her cheeks flush a rosy pink, and it suits her so perfectly, as she glanced back down at her books.

“I’d-“ she’s cut off by a car horn. “Oh, that’s my ride.”

She stood quickly, gracefully lifting her books without dropping a single one. The window rolled down revealing a frankly gorgeous woman, with curls upon curls of pink hair. She looked regretfully at Pearl. “Sorry I’m late. You ready?”

Pearl shifted uncomfortably, glancing back at Lapis. “I appreciate your offer but-“

“You have a ride.” Lapis nods, casting her an easy smile. “Next time.”

Pearl smiled hesitantly, before climbing into the car, driving away with a huff of smoke.

                                                                                       -:-

Pearl wiggled ungracefully as she tried to smooth out her skirt from under the car seat while still balancing her books in her lap.

“You could put those in the back seat if you want to,” Rose said hesitantly.

“I’m fine.” Pearl answered tersely.

Honestly she wasn’t in the mood to talk, but Rose didn’t seem to notice her foul mood.

“I’m sorry I was late Pearl.”

“45 minutes late.”

Rose sighed, clasping the steering wheel. The silence between them was deafening. Pearl remembered a time when it wasn’t like this. When they always had something to talk about.  When Rose would actually remember to pick her up for once.

They had always been best friends, ever since they were little, and even though Rose was two years older, she had always wanted to be Pearl’s friend. She had always been there for her.

But not anymore.

Pearl slouched back in the horrible vinyl covered seats, gripping her books tightly. “Pearl, I know you’re upset, but something came up.”

 _Yeah sure._ “What? With Greg?” Pearl spat bitterly.

Rose straightened slightly and Pearl knew she was right. Rose glanced over at her, and sighed again. “Pearl, we’re both getting older. And friends… they let each other change. _Grow_. Do you understand?”

Pearl looked down at her feet.

What she really meant was that she was tired of Pearl. That once she was dating Greg, Pearl was just some sad pathetic third wheel, and she just had to get over it. Even though all this was going through her mind, all she did was nod mutely.

Rose looked at her sadly for a moment before reaching over to squeeze her hand gently.

“So,” Rose said briskly, trying to lift the awkward silence, “who was that girl you were talking to back there?”

Pearl shifted uncomfortably. She had almost managed to put that girl out of her mind. Lapis was someone everyone knew of, but tried very hard not to.

They way she strutted around, always wearing those tight leather pants, showing up to all her classes a half hour late, running around with guys every night. No self-respecting lady would ever behave like that.

No doubt her poor parents had completely given up on her. Pearl knew if she ever even thought about behaving like that her mother would kill her. All the other girls, despite all the gossip, could agree on one thing though.

Lapis was trouble.

And that trouble had actually sat down and talked to her, and even offered her a ride home.

Pearl slouched farther back into her seat. All the rumors certainly didn’t fit how Lapis had just behaved. Or maybe that was just all part of the act, and that’s how she wormed her way into people, convincing them to do all the motorcycles and drugs and things.

Pearl wrinkled her nose. That seemed just silly. Lapis wasn’t lying when she had spoken to Pearl. Lapis hadn’t seemed crazy and tormented at all.

Her eyes, she could even remember now, were a bright dancing blue, full of life. They wonderfully complemented her blue hair. Pearl couldn’t imagine that violently dyed hair could look good on anyone, but it suited Lapis perfectly.

Rose cleared her throat, snapping Pearl out of her thoughts, realizing she still hadn’t answered.

She shrugged vaguely. “Just some girl. I think she had detention. That was _her_ reason for still being stuck at school.” she answered, annoyed.

Rose took the hint, and neither of them said anything for the rest of the ride.

 

                                                                            -:-

Lapis had been sitting in her room for the past hour trying to get her homework done. Emphasis on trying.

She was still thinking about the girl from earlier. Pearl.

Lapis kept turning the word over and over in her mind. She had been so normal, yet completely abnormal at the same time.

The way she spoke, reserved yet firm, was entrancing. Lapis had a vague memory of passing her in the halls, but had never really noticed her. After all, they were worlds apart. Lapis was mostly impressed that Pearl was actually willing to speak to her.

Most girls would turn up their noses at her, quickly walking away, muttering a rude comment under their breath. It never really bothered Lapis, the way that her tight pants and blue hair offended everyone.  After all, being hated was better than being like everyone else in the world. Like cattle, with no real thoughts at all.

She glanced at the clock. It was already 10:30. She yawned.

Forget the homework. She could probably get it done in the morning anyway.

                                                                          -:-

Lapis groaned, rolling over in her bed. Blinking the sleep from her eyes, she glanced at the clock by her nightstand.

 _Shit._ It was already 7:30.

Lapis rolled out of bed then groaned again as she realized she had forgotten to change out of her clothes the night before. She flopped back against her pillow. Whatever. Getting to school on time was overrated anyway.

But she really did have to get that homework done. She rolled over, forgetting how close she was to the edge of her bed and flopped over the side, smashing her face against the floor.

“Ow.”

By the time she had finished all her homework, thrown on fresh clothes and lipstick, and grabbed an apple from the kitchen, it was already 8:15. Quickly she ran out the door of her large house.

It was dark and foreboding, one of the biggest in their small town. Much too big for two people. But it was impressive and intimidating, just the way her mother preferred.

Her mother was a person Lapis respected, but how much of that respect translated into love she had never been sure.

Her mother and she saw eye to eye on almost nothing. From clothes, to dates, to the black motorcycle that Lapis insisted on riding, her mother was frankly fed up with her most of the time.

But it hardly mattered, since seeing her mother at all was a rare occasion in itself.

She charged on, stomping straight through the perfectly manicured front lawn. Slinging her bag over her shoulder she threw a leg over her motorcycle. She revved the engine once, then rode off with a huff of smoke.

When she pulled into her high school’s parking lot, it was utterly dead, everyone already long inside. Quickly she pulled into a spot in the far back.

She slung her leg over the side and sighed. Time to start another day.

                                                                             -:-

Pearl was having the worst day ever.

Usually, she would argue that it wasn’t actually possible to know if a particular day really was the worst one ever, since there wasn’t a way to accurately measure just how bad a day was, but today was making her rethink the entire argument.

Her timer hadn’t gone off and she had gotten out of bed 30 minutes late. And, of course, her mother had something to say about her impromptness. All about how girls must always be on time, because _obviously_  any respectable lady was always prompt.

She had even whipped out her favorite rebuttal, that, _how on Earth did she expect to be able to get married and raise children if she couldn’t even take care of herself_? Pearl had just stood silent as she always did through her mother’s rants.

She didn’t agree with what her mother had said, but she couldn’t say that it still didn’t hurt. Finally her mother had finished her tirade, waving her out the door.

Pearl rubbed at her eyes, sniffing. She wasn’t going to cry over this.

She mustered her strength, and started off to school. Since her house was fairly close to the high school she was able to walk, rather than having to ride with someone. Or heaven forbid she have her own car.

Pearl snorted.

Her mother would no doubt call such a thing horribly inappropriate. Pearl could almost hear her now.

  _Now Pearl, a lady should never try to be independent. What would a_ _husband think?_

Pearl clutched her book bag strap a little tighter. She knew that she couldn’t ever be the daughter that her parents wanted. They wanted her to date a nice boy, and live in a little house a few blocks away from them, coming home every Sunday for dinner.

They wanted her long strawberry blonde hair styled back into beautiful curls pinned down her back.

But Pearl eventually couldn’t stand it anymore.

She could remember her mother’s face when she had cut her long hair short. She had screamed at Pearl for at least a week, saying she had ruined her beauty and how she could hardly tell her apart from a boy. But Pearl liked the way she could feel the little curls tickle against her neck.  It felt as if a huge weight had been lifted from her.

And anyway, all her friends had said it suited her. Amethyst had just laughed, and asked why she hadn’t cut it off sooner.

At the time she had flushed red and shoved Amethyst, but inside she had been beaming.

She blinked, snapping out of her thoughts as she noticed she had walked the entire way to school. She quickened her pace, realizing she was just barely on time.

She barely slid into her seat as the bell rang. As the teacher began to drone someone tapped her shoulder. It was actually more of a light wack.

Amethyst.

“Psssh Pearl!” Amethyst whispered loudly.

“Amethyst shh!” she answered, well aware that going along with Amethyst usually meant getting in trouble later.

“Miss White, do you have something to add?”

Pearl flushed and shook her head, looking down at her lap. She could hear Amethyst snort behind her, but she ignored it.

Yep, this day was starting out great.

                                                                                                -:-

The next surprise thankfully came after lunch. At least she had gotten a chance to eat something first.

Her English teacher was out on maternity leave, and Pearl had completely forgotten about it.

The substitute was a thin, wiry man, dressed all in grays and blacks.

He was a young teacher, looked to be just out of college, and she heard a few girls sigh behind her. She fought the urge to roll her eyes.

Holding her books close, she quietly scooted by everyone to take the seat in the back. As the bell rang, he calmly introduced himself, and announced that since the previous teacher was on leave, the class would now be divided into partners of two for the rest of the semester.

Everyone started tittering at once, quickly grabbing their friends.

Pearl just hunched lower in her seat, hoping for an odd number. Glancing around, she saw everyone was already paired up, and she silently breathed out.

The last thing she wanted was to be stuck with one of the girls who would either want to sit and gossip the entire time, or would take one look at her boyishly cropped hair, turn up her nose with a sniff, and then not speak to her for the rest of the semester.  Perhaps her luck was changing after all.

But then the classroom door swung open and in sauntered Lapis.

Pearl’s breath caught.

_Please, please no._

But then the teacher said something to her, and Lapis was walking up to her. She smiled hesitantly. “So I guess we’re parters now?”

Pearl could hear the hesitation in her voice, and knew that she was expecting Pearl to have a fit. It made her feel a little offended, but also a little bad. She managed a small smile.

“I suppose so.”

She nodded at Lapis to take the desk beside her. Lapis did, dropping her bag to the floor.

They sat in silence as the teacher began to drone on and on about some book that Pearl had already read several times.

She could feel Lapis glance at her every so often, but she forced herself to look straight ahead.

Eventually Lapis gave up.

Pearl sighed. Today sucked.

                                                                                            -:-  

  
Once the bell rang, she quickly grabbed her bag, hoping to avoid talking to Lapis, but of course that failed too.

“Pearl! Wait!” Lapis called after her.

Inwardly Pearl groaned, but she stopped, turning around. Lapis ran to catch up to her.

“Hi. Pearl.” she said, a little breathless. “Since we’re partners for this class, I was wondering if you wanted to, I don’t know, study together or something?”

Pearl glanced at the hall, the wild crowds of teenagers pouring out around them. To be fair it was a completely normal thing to study together. They were paired together after all.

No one would think anything of it.

Pearl bit her lip. But with Lapis’s blue hair and leather clothes, her mother would never even let her in the house.

“I- sure!” She said, immediately regretting how shrill she sounded.

Lapis smiled in that vague way of hers, and nodded. Suddenly Lapis grabbed one of her notebooks and tore out one of the pages.

“Hey!” Pearl protested.

Lapis smirked, sliding a pen out of her pocket, and quickly jotted something down on it. She held it out to Pearl.

She just stared at it dumbly. “W- what is that?”

Lapis laughed. “It’s my number Pearl. You know, so you can call me when you figure out when we can study?”

She nodded mutely, taking the slip of paper from Lapis’s outstretched hand.

Their hands brushed slightly, and Pearl felt herself blush. Immediately she wrenched her hand back.

No. She couldn’t let this happen again.

She wouldn’t.

Her emotions must have shown on her face, because Lapis looked at her, concerned. “Pearl?”

She blinked, trying to snap out of it. “Thanks. I’ll call you later, once I get home, okay?”

Lapis nodded, and Pearl swiftly turned, and walking away fast enough for it to be called running.

Her heart thumped loudly in her chest and she had to blink quickly to keep tears from running down her cheeks.

 

                                                                                           -:-

 

Lapis was baffled.

By Pearl.

Because no matter how much she tried, she couldn’t figure out where exactly to put Pearl. She wasn’t one of the tittery girls who always stood outside their lockers, spreading gossip between themselves like a swarm of bees.

But then she wasn’t one of the wild ones, going out with guys, drinking and dancing wildly.

If Lapis was honest, she hadn’t even _noticed_ her before yesterday.

She vaguely remembered seeing her around with three other girls, who must be her friends.

And even weirder, in class Pearl clearly hadn’t been happy to have her as a partner, but she still hadn’t made a big deal about it. Most other girls Lapis knew would have thrown a fit. They had before.

She sighed, slinging her bag over her shoulder.

She had given Pearl her number, for some insane, stupid reason. It wasn't as if she'd ever use it.

But at least today was over.

She glanced around the hallway, noticing a group of people over to the side. She frowned, walking over to see what was going on.

A cluster of people had surrounded another, much smaller person. The group was mostly girls, with a few guys. As she got closer she could see one of her friends pressed against the lockers. She looked like she wanted to shrivel up into the ground.

She felt anger flare inside her.

“Hey! What are you doing?” The group glanced between each other nervously. “Well? Why are you still here? Do I need to make you leave?” she spat, crossing her arms.

Now even the guys looked afraid. Quick as a flash, they dissipated.

Glaring she turned around to a faint-looking Peridot. “And what about you? What did you say to make them mad?”

“What? Nothing…” she answered, not meeting Lapis’s eyes.

Lapis rolled her eyes. “Okay whatever. Don’t tell me.” She grabbed Peridot’s arm, hauling her out of the hallway.

“Hey!” Peridot protested, tugging at Lapis’s grip.

“Don’t _hey_ me.” Lapis said scowling, stopping to the side of the door. “You should know better than to go provoking all the jackasses in this school. And before you say anything, I know you said something to make them mad.”

Peridot’s mouth snapped shut.

“And,” she continued, “I’m going to take you home now so they don’t come back. Got it?”

Peridot rolled her eyes, shrugging her book strap higher on her shoulder. “Yes sir.”

“ _Ha ha_. Just be glad I’m doing this. Taking you home then coming back here to pick up my motorcycle is a huge waste of my time. And all because you’re too afraid to get on it.” Lapis said, smirking.

“Motorcycles are a serious safety hazard Lapis! You do know that just riding on one shortens your life expectancy by 3 years! Probably more, if you add in your horrendous driving.”

Lapis huffed good-naturedly. This was why she liked Peridot. She was one of the very few people who were honest. In Peridot’s case, sometimes to a blunt, and probably rude extent. Which tended to offend a fair amount of people, often getting her into trouble.

But fortunately for Peridot they often tended to be more afraid of Lapis.

It was only a short walk to Peridot’s house, which Lapis was glad of. Soon enough they arrived.

Lapis glanced up at the plain two-story house. She scowled.

Peridot noticed.

“I know you’re mad-“

“I don’t really care about walking you home P.” Lapis said tiredly.

Peridot looked at her flatly. “Not that, _duh_. She’s not nearly as mad anymore Lazuli.”

Lapis crossed her arms. “Really? Cause that doesn’t sound like the Jasper I know. Besides, I don’t care if she’s mad or not. All that matters is that _I’m_ still mad.”

Peridot sighed.

This hadn’t been the first time they had had this conversation. They stood for a moment, awkwardly silent till Peridot shrugged. “Okay, whatever. Jasper is a real pain mostly. Just be grateful you don’t have to live with her.”

Lapis laughed. “Believe me, I am.” She glanced at her watch. “Shit. I’ve got to go.”

Peridot raised an eyebrow. “Where do you have to be?”

Lapis flushed, unsure if she should actually tell Peridot the truth. Finally she decided. “I’ve got a partner. In my English class. She might call later.”

Peridot smirked. “So you’re saying that you’re running home to wait for a call for a school thing? Seriously? She must be really cute.”

Lapis’s cheeks flamed. “No. That’s ridiculous.”

“Whatever Lazuli.” Peridot laughed as she went inside, leaving Lapis alone on the steps.

Lapis rolled her eyes, but inside she wondered. Was she really being silly about Pearl? And what did any of this matter anyway? She didn’t like Pearl like…that.

Even though Lapis would be the first to admit that Pearl was very…attractive. The way her pleated skirts would swirl around her when she walked and the way her cheeks flushed an adorable pink whenever she got nervous (which seemed to be quite often).

How her hair fluttered beautifully around her face when she moved.

Lapis scowled, kicking at the sidewalk with the toe of her boot. So maybe she liked Pearl. It was still pointless.

Pearl didn’t seem to have a boyfriend, but she certainly wasn’t gay. She wouldn’t feel the same way.

 _Good for you_ , she thought, mentally kicking herself,

You _went and got a crush on a straight girl. Because that always ends well_.

She snorted, zipping up her leather jacket against the wind. Slowly she trudged back to the school, the sun dipping low in the sky, turning the trees a brilliant orange.

                                                                               

                                                                                                           -:-

 

As the sun was setting Pearl slipped inside her house, barely managing to keep from tripping on the doorframe.

She carefully poked her head inside the door, glancing around the room for her mother. Quickly she tried to smooth out the wrinkles in her skirt. She was certain she looked like a disaster. If her mother saw her like this then she would certainly think something was wrong. She would be right.

After she ran away from Lapis at school she had sat down on a park bench and cried. And cried. For a good part of the afternoon.

She still felt sick and miserable, but she couldn’t risk being out after dark. Her mother would be furious.

Carefully she crept in, trying to be as silent as possible. “Pearl dear, is that you?”

She moaned silently. “Yes.”

Her mother walked into the living room, heels clicking neatly against the floor. “You’ve been out a long time. I was starting to worry.”

“I was just with Rose. We went around town. I called from school but no one answered.” She lied quickly.

Thankfully one of the only people her mother didn’t have a problem with was Rose. Her mother trusted her when she was with Rose.

As she expected her mother smiled. “Oh, I must have missed the phone. You know, I haven’t seen Rose in a while. Tell her to come over for dinner sometime.”

“I will.” Pearl blinked, quickly wiping at the corner of her eye.

Her mother sat down on the sofa, picking up a book resting on the coffee table. Pearl was almost shocked. She might have avoided getting into trouble.

She breathed slowly, leaving to go to her room. “Oh and Pearl,” her mother called after her.

Pearl turned, her body feeling cold. “Yes?”

“I wanted to tell you that I won’t be here tomorrow afternoon, my bookclub is meeting at another lady’s house. I’ll leave the phone number on the table in case you need me.”

Pearl nodded, smiling then quickly leaving.

Once she reached her room she closed the door with a click. A strangled sob escaped her mouth before she could stop it.

She slumped against her door, sighing. She needed to get control of herself. This was completely ridiculous. Slowly she exhaled. It always helped to keep moving. First she had to deal with her school bag, then all the homework for the day.

Briskly she removed all of her things from her bag, putting them all away neatly. Then she stacked up the admittedly massive pile of books onto her desk. Glancing down she noticed a small piece of paper that had fallen onto the floor.

She hesitated for a second, then picked it up.

Written on it in a neat scrawl was a line of numbers. She swallowed. Pearl thought back to earlier that afternoon, the way Lapis had looked nervous, but the way her eyes had lit up… it had made Pearl feel just as bright.

She thought for a moment.

Her mother had said she would be gone tomorrow afternoon. And it _would_ be very practical to study together. Lapis was her partner after all.

For the first time that day Pearl smiled. Quickly she went back to the living room.

She hesitated, then stepped into the room.

“Mother?” Her mother glanced up from the book in her hands. “Hm, yes dear?”

She bit her lip. “Uh, I was wondering if it would be all right if I invited a girl from school over tomorrow to study?”

“I don’t know why not? Who is she?”

“Um… Amethyst.”

Her mother sighed tiredly. “All right. But you have to keep an eye on her at all times. I don’t want her breaking anything again.”

Pearl could barely hide her smile. “Yes, of course. Thank you.” She left, a spark of hope inside her.

“And don’t let her eat all the food in the refrigerator like last time!” Her mother yelled after her.

She stood in front of the telephone, the piece of paper clutched tightly in her hands.

She took a deep breath, then picked up the phone.

                                                                                                -:-

  
Lapis stormed inside her house, throwing her soaking wet jacket off as soon as she stepped inside.

Because it wasn’t enough that she had already had a terrible day, it had to start pouring rain on her way home. Now she was wet and tired and mad. At least all her leather clothing made her reasonably waterproof.

She snorted.

The house was completely dark, which meant her mother was working late. But that wasn’t any different than normal.

With a sigh she started up the stairs, shoes swishing with every step. She was probably leaving a giant trail of water behind her, but she couldn’t bring herself to care.

Finally she got to her room, dropping her bag to the side. She kicked her shoes off, one flying into the wall. She scowled.

Just as she was angrily dumping her books onto her desk, she heard the phone, faintly ringing. Lapis put down one of her books.

There was no chance. Absolutely no chance that she might have decided to call after all.

The phone kept ringing.

Lapis bit her lip.

After a moment’s hesitation, she ran after the phone.

Quickly she snatched it up just as the ring was stopping. “Hello?” She winced at how desperate that sounded.

There was silence on the other end for a long time and Lapis was just thinking that she had missed the call when Pearl spoke.

“Um, Hi? I-Is this Lapis?”

“Yeah.”

She could hear the hesitance in Pearl’s voice and she was shocked that Pearl had called her at all. When Pearl again didn’t answer she had to speak up. “Uh, did you have something to tell me?” She groaned mentally at how horribly blunt she was being.

“Yes. I wanted to ask if it would be all right with you if we studied together tomorrow afternoon. We can come to my house if that’s all right.” Pearl said tersely. Her voice sounded flat and monotone.

If Lapis had to guess that was the only way she could force the words out. Lapis nodded, forgetting for a moment that Pearl couldn’t see her. “Yeah, that’d be fine. We’ll just meet up after school, is that okay?”

Pearl gave a faint hmm in response, so she assumed that was a yes.

There was an awkward silence, which then Pearl stammered something, and Lapis said something back, then they both hung up.

Lapis stood there frozen, unsure what to do. The entire moment was ridiculous.

Here she was, having the worst day ever, standing in a puddle of water, frozen to the bone but a giant, stupid smile was plastered on her face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Looks like someone has a crushie now! ^-^
> 
> So I'm starting this story with the intentions of it being a little different than my other one. First off, the chapters are going to be much longer but, because of that updates will be a little less frequent. Also, it's going to be slightly darker over all, but don't worry, it'll still be stuffed with fluff because that's my favorite to write;)
> 
> Also, as always, please comment, because I love hearing what you guys think!


	2. Hiding in the pouring rain

The next day Pearl woke up stressed.

She always hated that moment. The very first second when she woke up, and didn’t remember anything was the best of the day. But it never lasted. Soon everything that she wished she could forget came rushing back to her.

Pearl sighed. Why had she gone and done this to herself? Bringing Lapis to her house was probably the worst idea in the world.

If her mother saw Lapis she would probably throw her out of the house, Lapis would stare at her with contempt and hate instead of _that_ _way_ she did now. The way that always made her feel blushy and warm.

Pearl shut her eyes. She wasn’t about to do this again. Never again, is what she had promised herself, and she intended to keep it.

At least today she could leave the house early and go to ballet practice. Finally she mustered her will and rolled out of bed.

Quickly she threw on her leotard and a thin skirt. She placed her school books in her bag and on an after thought grabbed a jacket from her closet. The house was dark, as it always was when she left for ballet practice. The quiet always seemed so kind and peaceful like this. She smiled to herself.

Quietly she slipped out the door.

                                                                                                                    -:-

After a five minute walk that was surprisingly freezing for an early morning in August, she was very glad she had had the forethought to bring a jacket.

Briskly she entered the school auditorium and found that she was the first one there. She smiled to herself. Perhaps today would be all right after all.

Quickly she laced up her ballet shoes, finishing each one with a ridiculously perfect bow. One talent she was particularly proud of.

She was always thrilled whenever she could get to practice before anyone else. Even though the entire point of dancing was to perform, she preferred dance to without anyone staring at her.

One of the many things her teacher called silly, since she didn’t actually have stage fright. It just felt caging, maybe, to preform for people. Like there was something she had to prove to them.

She sighed, distancing herself from her depressing train of thought.

Slowly she stepped on to the stage and began to dance. Whenever she danced it was like the entire world fell away, all the pressure and rules were gone.

She was free.

She felt her body move, flowing along to the faint piano music creaking out from the old radio. She continued dancing as more people came in, but she hardly noticed, so lost in the movement.

She stopped as her instructor cleared her throat. “Good form Miss White. I can tell you’ve been working hard. Now if you’re ready to begin?”

Pearl blushed, nodding quickly.

The rest of practice flew by, as the girls began to dance. A few girls complimented her dancing, and she offered a faint smile in return. It wasn’t as though she didn’t care about what they said.

But girls, normal girls, were so hard to be around. The few friends she did have weren’t the same. Garnet was so much more rebellious and outside the box. Amethyst was just wild.

Amethyst was sometimes even too wild for Pearl to stand. But even though they fought more often than she liked, she still cared quite a lot for the girl.

And then there was Rose.

Pearl blinked. No, not a good subject. She mentally scolded herself. Rose was something to cry about later. Right now she just had to keep herself focused on dancing.

She forced Rose out of her thoughts, losing herself in the steps for the rest of practice.

Just as she was leaving to change, her teacher called to her. Curious, she walked over.

The teacher was saying something to the last girl leaving and she waited for her to finish. After the girl had left she came over to Pearl with a smile.

“Pearl. I wanted to speak with you for a moment.”

“What is it? Have I done something wrong?”

Her teacher chuckled. “No, not at all Pearl. You know every year we put on a performance in the spring.”

Pearl nodded, this she knew. She had danced in them for years.

Her teacher grinned. “Well, I was wondering if you’d be interested in dancing the lead this year.”

Pearl didn’t know what to say. Words wouldn’t form in her throat. “Um… are you sure I can? I mean, I’ve never performed any big parts before.”

Which was true, all the parts she had danced had been with several other girls. The teacher smirked. “Only because that’s all you ever tryout for.”

Pearl blushed, looking down at the ground.

“Look, Pearl. I wouldn’t even offer this if I didn’t think you could do it. But I know that you can. Your dancing is a real talent.” She patted her hand on Pearl’s shoulder, looking at her firmly.

“Just think about it. But let me know by the end of this week. If you decide you’re interested, then call me.” She quickly pulled out a piece of paper, jotting down her number on it.

Pearl took it hesitantly. “Well I’d better get to class, don’t want to be late!” She said, filling her voice with forced cheeriness.

And then she ran out of the auditorium as fast as was socially acceptable.

                                                                                                                         -:-

Lapis went to school in the best mood in all of her high school years.

She kept trying to remind herself that she was being utterly ridiculous, and the only reason Pearl was doing this at all was because she had to. But all of her negative thinking couldn’t force the smile from her face. She had already gotten a few strange looks today, since her ever present scowl was oddly absent. Lapis herself thought the entire thing was slightly entertaining.

As the bell rang for her last class of the day, everyone running out of the classroom so fast it was a wonder they didn’t jam the door, Lapis lingered for a moment. Doubt started to creep up in her mind.

She wondered if doing this, believing she had any chance with Pearl, was a good idea. Because it was very likely she was merely setting herself up for disappointment. And she was a pretty big mess herself. She couldn’t even stand up to her ex.

She groaned. Questioning herself now was stupid. Besides, she had already promised to meet Pearl. She couldn’t back out now.

She took a deep breath and pushed the strap of her bag up higher on her shoulder.

                                                                                                          -:-  
It turned out that the address Pearl had given her the night before was close enough for her to walk there from the school. It was a neighborhood a little over from hers, the houses were slightly smaller, but the grass was neatly cut and houses crisply painted. Pearl’s house was one of the neatest ones on the block.

She smirked.

She could have guessed that. Carefully, she walked up to the porch, quickly ringing the doorbell.

Soon Pearl’s heels came clicking to the door. She opened it, smiling nervously at Lapis. “Hi. Um… come in.” She said clearing her throat as she opened the door wider. Lapis shrugged, not taking either hand out of her jacket pockets.

Stepping inside, Lapis was very, very unsurprised.

Everything was very clean, very bright. Expensive, without being lavish. Pearl muttered something, gesturing to the sofa.

Lapis slipped her jacket off her shoulders, placing it on the chair beside them. Turning back to Pearl she found the other girl staring at her.

“What?” she asked.

Pearl immediately turned pink and looked away. “Nothing.”

They sat down in awkward silence. Lapis cleared her throat. “Um, should we start?”

“Yes! Let’s um… do that.” Pearl finished awkwardly.

Lapis bit her smile back. “Okay. So about the book-“

“Yeah, wasn’t it great?” Lapis blinked. “Wait. You’ve already finished it?”

Pearl gave her a small smile. “I actually read it over summer break. The Great Gatsby is one of my favorites.”

Lapis scrunched her eyebrows together. This girl was only getting more surprising.

“Really? I don’t like it all that much. All it’s about is wild rich people making stupid life choices.”

She smirked as Pearl let out a shocked gasp. “That’s not the point of the book at all. It talks about the power of the mind, and the possible dangers of loving someone so much that it consumes your very being.”

Lapis leaned back into the sofa. “Hm. Well _I_ haven’t finished it yet so I wouldn’t know.”

Pearl gasped again.

Lapis was starting to have a hard time hiding her laughing.

“Yeah Pearl, believe it or not, most people don’t spend all summer doing assigned reading.”

Pearl pouted. “You make me sound like no fun.”

Lapis laughed.

As they continued to talk about Gatsby and how they were going to each write their papers, Lapis discovered three very important things about Pearl.

One was that Pearl was smarter than she had ever known and, unlike most people, had a genuine desire to learn. The second was that, however uptight Pearl came across, she was actually pretty calm and organized when it came to learning and school stuff.  And lastly, it was ridiculously easy to make her blush.

Lapis found herself almost making a game of it. Of how red she could make Pearl.

The answer was very.

It was almost five when they finally finished. Pearl had just finished telling a stupid literary joke about one thing or another and Lapis was too busy laughing to realize how dumb it was.

Suddenly Pearl glanced up at the clock. “Oh no, it’s getting late.”

“Yeah I’d better go.” Lapis scooped her books off of the coffee table and something fluttered to the floor. Curiously she picked it up. “Is this yours?”

Pearl glanced down at it before quickly snatching it out of her hand. “Yeah.” she muttered, abruptly closed off again.

“What is it?” Lapis knew it really wasn’t any of her business, but the way Pearl was acting made her curious.

Pearl stared at her for a moment then sighed. “It’s just something my ballet teacher gave me. She wants me to perform a lead part this year.” She said, sighing as she sat back down on the sofa.

“You look like a dancer.” Lapis said, after a moment of silence. Pearl arched an eyebrow. “How so?”

Lapis looked at her for a moment before smirking. “Long legs.”

Pearl stared at her. Then she snorted.

Once they had stopped laughing Lapis sighed, grinning. “So what’s the problem? That sounds really great.”

Pearl rubbed at her eyes tiredly. “I’m not going to do it.”

“What? Why?”

Pearl looked surprised at her interest but just sighed. “Performing…it’s just really hard for me.”

“You don’t seem like a person who gives up.” Lapis answered softly.

Pearl looked away. “I- I used to know what I was, but now-“ her voice died away. Lapis nodded. “Yeah. I know.”

They’re both silent for a moment. Lapis was unsure what to say, how to say something that wouldn’t just make everything worse.

“Do you like to dance?”

Pearl glanced at her. It was a strange question, she knew, but still.

“Yeah.”

“Then go for it. Better to try something and fail than not try and always regret it.”

Pearl smiled for the first time, a true, real smile. Lapis blinked, noticing not for the first time just how close they both were. Their knees just almost bumping each other.

Lapis stared at Pearl. It was amazing how long and feathery her eyelashes were. Pearl’s cerulean eyes darted over her face, studying it.

Suddenly Lapis couldn’t stand to sit there for a moment more. Clearing her throat she quickly grabbed her bag and jacket, throwing the jacket over her shoulders.

Pearl stood awkwardly, acting almost hesitant as she opened the door for Lapis. They both lingered awkwardly in the doorway. “So…would you want to do…this again?” Lapis asked, shifting slightly.

Pearl flushed, but gave her a small smile. “I’d love to.” Lapis couldn’t help but grin. “Okay, then I’ll call you later, all right?” Pearl nodded.

When Lapis left, she felt lighter than she had in a very long time.

                                                                                                                       -:-

As soon as the door closed behind Lapis Pearl let out a sigh of relief.

Her mother was going to be home any minute, and it would’ve been very bad for both of them if she had caught Pearl in her lie. But Lapis had left, and her mother was still gone. It had all worked out, for once.

Pearl smiled triumphantly to herself. Maybe her luck was changing.

Suddenly she noticed she was still holding the crumpled slip of paper in her hand. She stared at it for a moment. Lapis’s words echoed in her mind. Better to try and fail, than never try at all.

All at once, she’s filled with determination.

                                                                                                                      -:-

Lapis was in a strikingly good mood for the entire ride home. But it evaporated as soon as she saw who was waiting by her door.

As soon as her motorbike came to a halt she jumped off it, charging towards her.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing here?” She said scowling.

Jasper turned, an awful leer across her face. “Hey Bird.” She said lowly, smile like a snake.

“Don’t ever call me that.”

Jasper just grinned. “Oh. That’s not the sweet Lapis I remember. This one's so angry and bitter.”

Lapis snorted.

“Now, if you’re through with stinking up my porch, you can go.”

Jasper rolled her eyes before stepping closer to her. It took all of her will not to flinch at Jasper’s closeness. Jasper’s brown eyes glinted in the fading light.

One of her massive hands came to her chin, forcing her eyes up into Jasper’s. She tried to shove her away, but Jasper was much too strong.

“Now Pretty Bird. I know you’re bitter, but you shouldn’t feel bad.” Both her hands moved to grasp her shoulders, and Lapis winced from the pain. Jasper pulled her flush against her body.

“We can still have fun.” Jasper said into her ear, her sharp teeth barely brushing the outside.

Against her will she shivered.

Pressed tightly against Jasper’s enormous chest, she could feel her will drop. Her stomach felt vaguely ill, but she found herself nodding.

“Alright.” She said quietly, staring up at Jasper’s eyes, boring into her body like a hawk. Jasper’s lips twisted into a dark grin.

Hardly pausing a moment, Jasper pressed her mouth against Lapis’s in a devouring kiss.

Lapis moaned, but it hardly mattered.

Jasper hardly paused, and later, when she tried to remember, Lapis couldn’t remember just how they had gotten from the porch to her bed.

                                                                                                                           -:-

Hours later, after Jasper had finally left, Lapis lay still in her bed in her dark room.

Her clothes scattered all across the floor. All she could do was lay still, clutching the sheets around her bare body.

Despite everything, all she felt was cold. Her entire body felt like ice.

She glanced out the open window, a dark moon shining slightly. She shuttered, pulling the sheets closer to herself. But still, she couldn’t stop the icy tears that ran down her cheeks.

                                                                                                                         -:-

The next morning was storming.

Rain poured everywhere, instantly soaking anyone who dared step outside. And since it was raining too hard for Pearl to walk to school it meant that her mother had to drive her.

Which neither of them was very happy about.

Her mother was currently mad at one of the women in her bookclub about something or another, and spent the entire drive ranting about it. Luckily Pearl was rather good at tuning her out.

After what felt like forever she finally was able to get out of the car and in to school. She had never been so glad to get to school before.

The entire morning went by as usual, nothing different besides the rain outside. At lunch she had glanced around the cafeteria for Lapis but hadn’t seen her. It seemed as though she wasn’t there at all. Although, she had never really looked for her before, maybe she didn’t even eat in the cafeteria. She pushed down a small twinge of worry and began to eat her lunch.

But Lapis still never showed up.

Lapis was absent for their English class and Pearl kept half expecting her to come prancing in, but she never did. By the end of the day, Lapis was still weirdly gone and Pearl had a strange chill around herself.

She kept telling herself that this was probably just normal for Lapis, the weather was so bad that she herself had hardly wanted to come to school. And she had an perfect attendance record.

Yes, that was probably it. She had just flaked out like normal. But still her chilled feeling wouldn’t go away.

Although there was a way she could find out for sure. But it was hardly worth it to ask her.

As the bell rang, Pearl sighed. She was so going to regret this.

“Amethyst?”

The short girl grinned. “Hey P. What’s up?” Amethyst shifted against the lockers, smirking at the taller girl, who still hadn’t replied. “Hello? Earth to Pearl?”

Pearl blinked. “Oh…sorry.”

Amethyst rolled her eyes at the apology. “Whatever. Are you ever gonna tell me what you want?”

Pearl glared at her. “Yes. There’s no need to be rude about it.”

Amethyst groaned. “Would you please just tell me about it already!”

“Fine! But it’s not my fault that you keep being loud and interrupting me.” Amethyst sighed, then popped a piece of gum into her mouth. Slowly she blew an enormous bubble.

Pearl scowled.

“I know you’re just doing that to annoy me. That’s why I’m just going to ignore it.” She said, turning her nose up. Amethyst gave her another insufferable smirk before popping the bubble with a loud smack.

Pearl sighed. “Anyway. I came to ask you something. There’s this girl in my English class. We got paired together.”

“Feel sorry for her.” Amethyst muttered under her breath, but Pearl chose to ignore it. “She didn’t show up for class today and I wanted to give her some notes I took. I’ve seen her around with you before. I thought you might know where she lives.” She said this all in a rush, and Amethyst arched an eyebrow.

“Uh, it depends. Who is she?”

“Lapis Coren.”

Amethyst stared at her for a second, then let out a snort.

“Girl.” She said seriously, once she had managed to stop laughing. “That’s ridiculous.”

“And why is that ridiculous?” Pearl asked indignantly.

Amethyst shrugged carelessly. “Cause I know her, that’s why. She’s one of the harshest people I ever met. Won’t take no ones shit.” Amethyst’s eyes flickered with something like pity. “The reason she didn’t show up today is cause she doesn’t want you around her.”

_That’s not true. That can’t be true._

Pearl’s thoughts must have shown because Amethyst immediately changed her tone. “I mean, I’m sure it’s nothing personal ‘bout you. That girl doesn’t like anyone. You shouldn’t feel bad about it.”

Pearl nodded mutely. Amethyst gave her what was meant to be an encouraging smile, but Pearl didn’t see it. She turned away, ignoring what Amethyst was saying. She didn’t know what to do after that.

Yesterday…it had really seemed like Lapis had enjoyed being around her. But was that only her seeing what she had wanted to?

As she stepped outside she vaguely noticed it had stopped raining. She started to walk, not towards home, just around. She had to think of something else. But Amethyst’s words wouldn’t leave her mind.

 _She doesn’t want you around her._ She doesn’t like anyone. _She doesn’t want you_.

She felt vaguely ill to her stomach.

She forgot how long she wandered around. After a while her feet began to ache but she ignored it. She only woke up out of her depressed stupor when the sky suddenly cracked with lighting. In an instant it began to pour rain. Glancing around, she realized that she was very far away from her house. With a groan she ran to the nearest house.

It was a very imposing, dark house, but it was better than the pouring rain. She hesitated a moment, then rang the doorbell. There was silence for a long moment, then quiet footsteps slowly came shuffling to the door. There was a pause, then the door slowly cracked open.

Pearl froze, as Lapis stared back at her.

“How did you know where I live?” Lapis asked scowling. Pearl bit her lip, considering the idea of just running back into the rain. “I-I just was walking and then it started to rain and I came here but I probably should go.” She finished, flushing with embarrassment. Mentally she winced at how terrible that sounded. Quickly she turned to leave.

“Hey, wait.” Lapis said softly.

Pearl glanced back. “It’s still raining really hard. You…could come in, if you want.” She cracked the door open a little wider.

Pearl hesitated. But she was wet to the bone and the rain didn’t seem to be stopping anytime soon. Slowly she nodded. “Thank you.”

As she went into Lapis’s house she gave a small sigh of relief to be out of the rain. Lapis stared at her with a unreadable look in her eyes. It made Pearl uncomfortable. She already didn’t want to be around Pearl at school and now she had come charging into her house.

Accidentally, of course.

The previous afternoon had been so wonderful, but now? Now the silence was awkward and deafening. Lapis cleared her throat. “I’ll go get some towels.” She muttered, as Pearl noticed she was slowly dripping a puddle onto the floor.

While Lapis was gone she couldn’t help but glance around the inside of the house. It was dark, but there were a few lamps on, casting warm light around the room. The entire color scheme seemed to consist entirely of different shades of blue. The walls, the furniture, everything was blue. Maybe it ran in the family.

She shivered again, rubbing her hands down her wet arms, trying to warm them. Soon Lapis came back with towels and two mugs of tea. Pearl smiled gratefully as she took the drink.

“Tea always warms me up when I’m cold.” Lapis said quietly.

“Thank you.” Pearl murmured gratefully.

Lightning flashed, a crack of thunder following it a moment later. Pearl quickly dried herself off with the towels Lapis had brought. Lapis gestured to the chair for her to sit. When she sat down, she was surprised to find that the chair was actually quite comfortable, despite looking so stiff.

Lapis sat on the sofa, watching her with dark eyes. Pearl stared down at her tea.

This…this didn’t feel like Lapis.

When she dared a quick glance up, she noticed that Lapis was wearing only a loose sweater and leggings, rather than all the leather and jewelry and makeup she normally did. Her blue hair hung loose and unbrushed around her face.

Pearl thought it made her look more beautiful than ever. But all of this… it was filled with sadness. Pearl realized that as Lapis stared down at her feet, that was the feeling that was flooding her eyes.

Sadness.

Pearl suddenly had the urge to go over to the sofa where Lapis was curled and wrap her in a massive hug. She doubted that would be appreciated though.

They sat in silence for too long, both lost in their thoughts. Suddenly Pearl couldn’t stand it any longer. “I took some notes for you today, since you were absent. For English.”

Lapis stared at her incredulously as she started to rummage through her school bag. Carefully she pulled them out and gave them to Lapis. Lapis stared at them.

Pearl bit her lip. It was possible that she didn’t even want them. Maybe she didn’t want Pearl here now. But then Lapis looked up, and she smiled weakly.

“This must have taken forever. You didn’t have to do this.” But Pearl shook her head. “I’m a quick writer. Besides, I wanted to.” Lapis smiled again, this time for real.

“Thanks. Really. Thank you.”

Pearl smiled softly. Slowly she moved over to the sofa, making sure to leave space between them.

Lapis glanced up. “Pearl what are-“

“Lapis, are you all right?” Pearl interrupted. Lapis stared at her, eyes heavy with something Pearl doesn’t understand.

“You… wouldn’t get it.” Lapis said slowly.

Without thinking, Pearl gently placed her hand over Lapis’s. “Try me.” She said softly.

Lapis withdrew her hand to wrap her arms around herself. “I just feel…disgusted with myself right now.” She said softly, looking close to crying. She took a breath before continuing.

“There’s this…person that I used to date. We broke up. But she… she won’t go away.”

“Why did you break up?” Pearl asked softly, careful not to pry too far.

“She was violent, always angry. But… it never really bothered me until one night.”

“‘What happened?” Pearl quietly asked.

“She had some game or something, she plays like every sport on the planet, and they had lost.”

“I take it she doesn’t lose well?” Lapis snorted. “That’s an understatement.”

Lapis sighed. “She came over, slightly drunk, and forced me to have sex with her.” She hung her head. “It just made me feel so awful. I broke up with her after that. But I still can’t get rid of her.” Lapis bowed her head, silent.

Pearl felt vaguely ill.

All those things that people said about this girl. And none of them were true. How anyone would ever dare hurt her made Pearl’s anger flare. How dare this- this girl lay a hand on Lapis. She pursed her lips, trying not to let her fury show.

“But what’s wrong now?” She asked quietly, gently taking Lapis’s hand again. “Last night…she came back. And we…you know.” Lapis turned away unable to face Pearl’s eyes. “I just can’t stop giving in to her.”

Lapis’s eyes glistened slightly, a tear leaking from her eye. Furiously she wiped it away with the back of her hand.

Pearl stiffened, unsure of what to do. Finally she decided.

“Oh Lapis. I’m so sorry.” She murmured, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.

Lapis stiffened, but then sighed, letting her head fall on Pearl’s shoulder.

“I-Is that why you didn’t come to school today?” Pearl asked her hesitantly. Lapis nodded weakly.

Pearl let out a small sigh of relief. “Oh…I was afraid it was because you didn’t like me.”

Lapis lifted her head off Pearl’s shoulder to look at her, eyes full of surprise. “What? Why would you think that?”

Pearl flushed. “Um…one of my friends told me that…”

Lapis groaned, letting her head fall back against the sofa. “Anyone I would know?”

“Amethyst?”

Lapis rolled her eyes. “Okay, well at least it wasn’t one of the stupid snitty girls at school. Amethyst and I used to hang out, haven’t in a while. Dunno why. But she was always a good friend. Always said I was a huge grump. That’s what she told you, wasn’t it?”

Pearl nodded, still slightly red. “She’s my friend too, we’ve been friends since fourth grade when she first moved here.” Pearl smiled fondly.

“She annoys me so much, but I still love her.”

Lapis smiled weakly. Pearl bit her lip, desperately wanting to ask her something but still afraid to. “S-So. Girlfriend?”

Lapis arched an eyebrow. “Yep.”

“So, you’re really, uh…”

“Gay?”

Pearl blushed again. “Yeah.”

Lapis smiled. “Yeah, I am. Is that something you’re gonna be okay with?”

Pearl felt as though her face was about to burn up, but she felt a flash of something in the bottom of her stomach. Perhaps it was excitement, which was ridiculous.

“Yes- I mean I’m not one of those people who- like hate all that and everything but-“ Pearl stopped, sighing. “What I think I’m trying to say is- I don’t care at all if you’re…gay.”

Pearl suddenly found the floor fascinating.

Lapis blinked, her expression surprised. “Thanks Pearl. Most people… they don’t give good reactions to it- to me. That’s why I had to learn not to care what they think.”

She smiled faintly. “I’m going to dye my hair as blue as I want and wear black from head to toe because it all hardly matters. They’re all going to hate me anyway. I might as well be who I want.”

Pearl shifted slightly. “Well, you’re braver than I could ever be.”

Lapis smiled. “I don’t think so.”

Pearl blushed, looking away.

“I just know that I could never do any of the things you do, my mother would-“

She froze.

“What?” Lapis asked.

“Oh no! I didn’t tell my mother I was coming over here! And now it’s probably really late.” She groaned, burying her face in her hands.

“She’s going to kill me.”

She felt as though she might throw up. But Lapis was there, watching her, so she knew she had to calm down.

Slowly she took a deep breath. “Do you have a phone I could use please?”

Lapis gestured into the hall, and Pearl sighed. “Better go get this over with.”

Slowly she trudged off to what was very likely her doom.

                                                                                                                            -:-

Lapis sat on the sofa, pushing her feet up under herself. She could hear poor Pearl out in the hall, talking with her mother. It didn’t seem to be going all that well. And Lapis was sorry about it too.

She would’ve never let Pearl stay so long if she’d known it would get her in so much trouble. But a small part of her was happy.

Happy that she actually cared about her.

Leaning forward, she grabbed the folder that Pearl had brought her. Opening it up she saw that it was full of notes from the previous day’s class. Everything was written as neatly as it could possibly be, in a loopy swirly style that could only be Pearl’s handwriting.

She smiled again to herself.

She couldn't help but wonder if this was simple kindness on Pearl’s part, or something…more.

She knew it had been very risky to even tell Pearl about her ex girlfriend, most people would have called her a horrible name, then ran out of her house. But Pearl…just didn’t seem to care. She just honestly didn’t care.

A small part of Lapis hoped that maybe she had even been a little happy about it.

But still, Lapis wasn’t going to pin her hopes on it. She shifted into a slightly more comfortable position.

She thumbed through the notes one more time as Pearl came back into the room, looking paler than Lapis had ever seen. “You okay?” She asked hesitantly.

Pearl nodded weakly. “My mother will be here in a few minutes.” She whispered.

“Was she mad?”

“Um… a little.” Pearl said softly.

Lapis gestured for her to sit down on the sofa. Pearl sat down stiffly, placing her hands between her knees. “I probably won’t be allowed to see you outside of school now.” She murmured so quietly Lapis almost missed it.

“Hey, it’s fine.” She said, trying to lift Pearl’s mood. Pearl sniffed, and it took Lapis a second to realize that she was crying.

“Oh, hey hey. It’s gonna be fine.” She said soothingly. After a moment of hesitation she wrapped her arm around the other girl, pulling her against her chest.

Pearl leaned into her chest, still crying. Lapis ran a hand gently through her cropped hair.

“Shh… parents just get mad like that. They don’t mean what they say.”

Pearl looked up from her shoulder. “She does. She means every word.” She whispered.

Lapis stared at her for a moment, before brushing away a tear with the corner of her thumb.

“I’m sorry…God I’m so pathetic.” She said softly, turning away.

“Hey, you’re not pathetic. Besides, you were there for me earlier, so now we’re equal.” Lapis said smiling. It was worth it when Pearl managed a watery smile in return.

Pearl’s blue eyes were staring at her so deeply she couldn’t look away. Neither of them could.

She noticed how close they both were, Pearl practically flush against her chest. Slowly she leaned forward, Pearl not moving a muscle.

Pearl’s lips were so soft and inviting and they were less than inches apart when-

_Ding Dong!_

 The doorbell rang out loudly and they jumped away from each other.

Lapis sighed, getting up to answer the door. She turned and flashed a smirk and a wink at a paling Pearl.

When she opened the door she almost wanted to groan.

Her very first thought of this woman was (though perhaps a slightly rude thought) that she was a pain in the ass.

She was just as clean and neatly dressed as her daughter. Her hair, slightly blonder than Pearl’s, was pinned up stylishly, not a hair out of place.

When Lapis opened the door her lips were pursed together in a tight frown.

Lapis noticed her eyes scanning over her appearance, pausing for a long moment on her blue hair. But still she forced a quick smile in Lapis’s direction.

Lapis didn’t return it.

Gracefully she extended a hand to Lapis. After a dark look at the other woman Lapis reluctantly shook it.

“Hello. I’m Catherine White. I’m so very sorry about my daughter imposing on you like this.”

“She’s not.” Lapis said, still scowling.

Mrs. White pretended not to notice. “Anyway, if I could just-“ She gestured to the doorway that Lapis was currently blocking.

“Yes?”

“If I could just please come in and get my daughter. Now.”

Lapis glared at her for another moment before sighing. “Whatever. Come on.” She muttered, shoving the door open wider.

The woman followed, heels clicking against the floor. Pearl was still sitting on the sofa, but as soon as they came in she jumped up, quickly grabbing her bag.

“Pearl dear, are you ready? You don’t want to impose anymore on this lovely,” Her expression soured for a brief moment before bouncing back to a tight smile, “young lady.”

Pearl nodded, her head hanging low. She looked so sad it made Lapis want to go kick her mother in the shin.

But Mrs. White turned back toward Lapis one more time. “Dear, are either of your parents home? I would like to speak to them.”

Lapis smirked slightly. “Sorry, but my mom’s not here.”

“Oh? And where is she exactly?” The woman’s tone, talking to her as if she were a stupid baby, was really starting to annoy Lapis. All her prying questions were rude and annoying.  Besides, she just wanted to make her look like a fool in front of Pearl.

But she had no idea who she was dealing with.

“At work. She has to work rather long hours you see. She’s the head of a rather important company.”

Pearl’s mother pursed her lips tighter. Pearl slumped even more, as if she wanted to melt into the floor.

“I see. And what company is this, exactly?” She said icily.

Lapis stared down at one of her blackly painted nails, picking at it boredly. “Diamond International.”

Mrs. White paled slightly. “And, ah, who is your mother again?”

“Celeste Coren. The head of the company.”

Mrs. White now looked as white as a sheet of paper.

Pearl glanced at her mother worriedly. “Mother are you alright?” Mrs. White blinked, coming out of her daze. “Uh, yes, yes dear. I’m fine.”

She turned back to Lapis, looking a great deal more nervous than she had been a moment before. “I-I just wanted to say thank you- for letting my daughter come home from school with you. It was a very kind thing to do.”

Lapis arched her eyebrows at this, considering she hadn’t even gone to school that day, much less invite Pearl to her house, but she saw Pearl looking at her with wide eyes and kept her mouth shut.

So the girl could lie after all.

“Thanks.” She answered cooly.

“Well, we’d better be going now. Thank you again.” Mrs. White said briskly, wringing her hands together. “Come along dear.”

Lapis followed Pearl and her mother to the door.

 _Call me later._   She mouthed to Pearl behind her mother’s back.

Pearl nodded, as she smiled faintly at Lapis. Then they were both gone and Lapis shut the door.

She wondered, just out of curiosity, why Pearl’s mother had freaked out so much at the mention of hers. Maybe Pearl would know. She’d have to ask her later.

                                                                                                              -:-

The car ride home was deathly silent, the tension in the car overwhelming.

Pearl was still in slight shock from the entire afternoon. Just before her mother had rang the doorbell Pearl had been so sure that Lapis was about to kiss her.

A thought that should have horrified her, but still. She couldn’t help the massive feeling of disappointment she felt.

It had merely been bad luck, but still she wished her mother could have just waited another moment before ringing the doorbell.

“So. How long have you and that girl been friends?” Her mother asked, breaking the silence.

“I- We’re not really friends, just…school partners.”

Her mother nodded, but Pearl could tell she wasn’t really listening. “Oh.” Her voice was strangely high.

They lapsed into silence again.

“Well, you need to be her friend.”

Pearl blinked. “Uh..what?”

She had been expecting a rant of some sort, but certainly not that.

Mrs. White tapped her fingers against the steering wheel, silent. “Pearl. The thing is, her mother is your dad’s boss.”

“Oh.”

_Oh._

“You want me to be her friend because you want to get close with her family?” Pearl said sharply.

Her mother pursed her lips. “Pearl, I know it sounds like a horrible thing, but this is important.”

“So do I have to spend time with -uh- that girl?”

Her mother nodded solemnly. “Yes dear. I know she’s really rather rude and trashy, but I’m afraid so.”

Pearl just nodded, terrified that if she opened her mouth she would burst out laughing.

This was not possibly happening.

There was no way that her mother had just given her permission to spend time with Lapis. She stared out the window of the car, stars just beginning to appear in the darkening sky.

She couldn’t wait to get home so she could call Lapis and tell her. The stars seemed to shine brighter. They twinkled silently above, full of secrets, but sharing none.

The car drove on.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Omg, I can't believe that you guys liked this little au fix so much already!! I'm so glad and happy and excited, because I have a mountain of ideas for this au! Your comments mean so much to me, and they really inspire me to keep writing, so thank you!


	3. Please stay here (with me)

For the first time in what seemed like forever, Pearl opened her eyes in a good mood.

It seemed like things were finally starting to go okay. Perhaps her luck _was_ changing.

She sat up, glancing down at the small, now very crumpled piece of paper lying on her nightstand, with neatly printed numbers written across it.

She smiled.

Briskly she slipped out of bed and put on her clothes for the day. She chose one of her favorite dresses, yellow with tiny white dots over it. It had a sweetheart neckline, pretty without showing too much skin, and a flared waistline.

She paused a moment, noticing herself reflected in the mirror over her dresser. A pale face, surrounded by faint curls of short strawberry blonde hair looked back at her. Her eyes looked so pale and tired, circles etched deep under them. She smiled at herself weakly.

She sighed. That almost looked worse.

She smoothed her hair down gently one last time and then straightened her chin. Carefully she dabbed on a light bit of makeup, grabbed her school bag and went down stairs, actually feeling up to facing the day.

                                                                                                                          -:-

 

She arrived at school a semi-reasonable amount early, and decided to sit outside and finish reading a chapter for her history class. It wasn’t that she had to catch up, she just preferred to finish reading all of her text books in the first month of school so she was always caught up to what the teacher was talking about.

She sat down at one of the benches and had barely opened her book when one of her friends plopped down beside her. Pearl smiled widely.

“Hello Garnet!”

“Hey Pearl.” The much larger woman said in her deep rich voice, with a faint hint of a British accent.

“What're you doing here?” Pearl asked, setting her book down beside her.

Garnet smiled vaguely. “Just thought I’d try and catch you before your classes started. I would’ve called at your house, but I assumed that wouldn’t’ve been helpful.”

Pearl winced. “Yeah, that was probably a good idea.”

She and Garnet had become fast friends after the older girl had moved to their small town from London in freshman year. Despite Garnet being two years older they had become inseparable.

Until Pearl’s mother found out.

And of course she had decided Garnet was far too distasteful to be associated with. There had been several reasons, but by far the biggest had to have been that Garnet was black.

And had two mothers.

Neither of which her mother wanted her daughter to be associated with in the least.

In the end it had Garnet and her mother yelling at each other, Pearl stuck in the middle between them. Her mother had banned her from speaking to Garnet ever again. Something that Pearl had agreed to without any intention of keeping.

After that she had gone to Garnet and desperately apologized, only to find out that she wasn’t mad at her at all. Her mother yes, but never at Pearl.

She had merely shrugged, saying that it wasn’t Pearl’s fault who she happened to be related to.

After that they had still stayed friends, but in slightly more subtle ways. One was that Garnet couldn’t call Pearl at her house, in case her mother happened to pick it up.

Pearl was just surprised that Garnet was willing to put up with her for this long.

“You look nice today.” Garnet remarked.

Pearl smiled nervously. “Uh…thanks.”

“Amethyst told me you were asking her about Lapis Coren the other day.”

Pearl frowned, making a mental note to go kick Amethyst later.

“Um, yeah I was.” She ran her fingers along her skirt, straightening it.

“Why?” Garnet asked. Pearl knew she had arched an eyebrow behind her sunglasses.

Pearl fidgeted. “S-She’s my partner in English. I wanted to know where she lived so I could give her some English notes.”

Garnet stared at her for a long moment, eyes unreadable behind her sunglasses. Then she snorted.

“Pearl, you are the very worst liar I have ever met.” She shifted her glasses up further onto her nose. “You like her, don’t you?”

Pearl flushed pink instantly. “Garnet. I don’t- I mean I’m not-“ Garnet stopped her with a hand to her shoulder. “Pearl. It’s alright. It’s okay to like Lapis.”

Pearl shook her head, feeling tears well up. “Garnet I can’t. You of all people know that. Know _her_.” she murmured, voice barely a whisper.

Garnet smiled softly. “You live with her Pearl. She doesn’t own you, and she doesn’t have the right to decide who you are. She can’t tell you who to love. Only you can do that.”

Pearl sighed. “You don’t know her like I do.”

Garnet shrugged. “Maybe. But I know you better than she ever has.”

Pearl smiled at that. They both sat for a moment on the bench, just happy in the silence.

“Lapis is gay. She told me.”

Garnet glanced at her. “What are you worried about then?”

“Garnet I-“

“She’s gay and _you_ like her. I don’t see the problem here.”

Pearl turned pink again. “Well she could just not happen to like me.”

Garnet rolled her eyes. “I doubt it. In case you haven’t noticed, you happen to be very nice and attractive.” Pearl flushed and hit Garnet’s arm, causing a chuckle to escape the other woman.

Garnet glanced at her watch, then rose to her feet. “I’ve got to go. My class starts in twenty.”

Pearl pouted. “I don’t know why you had to run off to college. It’s not the same without you around. I miss you.”

Garnet chuckled. “Now, now. Don’t you want me to further my education?”

Pearl groaned. “Using my own words against me. Not fair Garnet.”

Garnet ruffled her hair, causing Pearl to swat at her hands in protest. “Anyway, I got to go. Don’t be afraid to make a move.” She murmured into Pearl’s ear as she leaned forward to kiss both of the girl’s pale cheeks.

She left the school with a wave goodbye and a feeling of lightness in Pearl’s stomach.

 

                                                                                                                   -:-

Lapis pulled into the school parking lot, surprisingly early for her. She was practically on time.

She really hoped Pearl was the kind of person who was early for school. She grinned when her eyes landed on the strawberry-haired girl sitting on a bench. As she got closer she saw that she was even reading a school book.

She rolled her eyes. Of course she was.

“Hey.” She said, sliding next to the other girl.

Pearl looked up, arching an eyebrow. “Wow, you’re at school. On time.”

Lapis smirked. “Only for you love.”

Pearl snorted. “You certainly know how to make a girl feel special.”

“Well I try.”

Pearl glanced at her before snorting.

Soon they were both laughing. Lapis grinned, resting her arm against the back of the bench. “So,” she said, tilting her head to the side, “what was going on last night?”

Pearl’s eyes returned to the cover of the book in her lap. “My father works at the company that your mother is in charge of.” She said quietly.

Lapis blinked.

_Oh._

“Pearl, when I said that last night, I swear I didn’t know that. Sorry.”

Pearl glanced up at her. She smiled. “I know. Besides…the whole thing was a little funny. It's just that now my mother wants me to spend time with you, and try to get on your good side. S-She wants me to pretend to be your friend.”

Lapis can’t help the creeping warm feeling across her cheeks. Pearl sighed. “I just feel horrible, my mother actually expects me to use you like this! It’s- it’s absolutely horrible!” She hung her head. “I don’t want to treat you like that.”

Lapis bit her lip, hesitating, before reaching for Pearl’s hand. “Pearl, I don’t care at all about that. I’m just glad to be able to spend time with you.” She gave Pearl’s hand a gentle squeeze.

“Besides, I wouldn’t mind at all if you tried to seduce me.” She added winking.

Pearl flushed pink. “Lapis!”

Lapis just laughed.

                                                                                                                           -:-

For Pearl, the entire school day seemed to go painfully slow.

The classes (as always) were boring and slow, and having finished reading her books and completed all the homework for the next few weeks, she found herself not paying attention to the lessons at all.

At lunch she met up with Amethyst, and told her about seeing Garnet that morning. She obviously left out the part about her and Lapis.

That was something she had no intention of talking about.

Amethyst had grinned, saying that she was sorry she had missed Garnet. Pearl had retorted that perhaps if she ever got to school on time, then her life wouldn’t be such a disaster.

Amethyst had just laughed at that.

It was strange she realized, seeing Lapis in the cafeteria now. She had never really noticed her before.

She was off on the other side, sitting with a small blonde girl Pearl didn’t know. She had thought that maybe Lapis had smiled in her direction once, but it could’ve been her imagination.

Just as likely.

Pearl had nibbled slightly at her lunch, then gone back to class.

The rest of the day was just as dull. She didn’t even have English to look forward to, since the class didn’t meet that day. But it didn’t matter that much, since she and Lapis had already made plans to meet up after school.

Just when it seemed as though the day would never end, the bell finally rang.

She was walking down the hall, vastly glad that the day was finally over, when she heard a familiar voice calling after her. “Pearl! Wait a moment!”

Pearl winced, clutching her bag strap tighter. She turned around, seeing the very tall, pink-haired girl running towards her.

She sighed. The very person she had been hoping to avoid for at least a little while.

“Hello Rose.” she said, trying to keep from sounding too grumpy.

“Pearl!” Rose said, slightly breathlessly, “I’ve been trying to find you for days! I called your house yesterday, but your mother said you weren’t home.”

Her eyes filled with concern. “She sounded very upset Pearl. Where were you?”

Pearl stiffened. She could feel prickles of irritation spreading through her.

She never wanted to spend time with Pearl, yet she suddenly thought that everything Pearl did was somehow her business?

“I was taking a walk. And my mother always sounds like that.” She said sharply.

Rose winced, and Pearl felt a pang of regret for snapping out.  Rose sighed. “Pearl, I don’t want to fight with you. I wanted to ask if you wanted to meet at the diner on Friday. You know, like we used to?” Her voice was hopeful.

Pearl sighed. “Just the two of us?” She asked hesitantly.

Rose nodded. “Just the two of us.”

Pearl smiled, a real one this time. “All right.” Rose beamed.

“Okay great! Is 7 alright?”

Pearl nodded.

“Well then, I’ll see you then!” She smiled at Pearl once more before turning around, her curls flouncing behind her.

Pearl smiled, bouncing slightly on her heels. Today really was a great day.

                                                                                                                           -:-

Lapis sat down on a park bench, a surprisingly uncomfortable one, to wait for Pearl. Soon enough she came, and she looked strangely happy.

Her dress swirled around her, and Lapis suddenly felt chilled on her arms. She suddenly regretted leaving her leather jacket at home.

Pearl plopped down beside her, slightly breathless.

“Hi!” She said cheerfully.

Lapis smiled slightly. “Hey.”

She arched an eyebrow. “What’s gotten you so happy?” She asked, slightly curious.

Pearl bit her lip, but she couldn’t keep herself from beaming. “I-I’m just really excited, Rose asked me to dinner with her this Friday!”

Pearl shook her head almost with disbelief. “We’ve both just been…busy lately and we haven’t gotten to spend time together in a while. So I’m really glad we’ll get to now.” Pearl said happily.

Pearl smiled to herself while Lapis felt vaguely ill.

“Oh, that’s great.” Lapis said, trying to be nice. But her voice only sounded flat and hollow.

Pearl noticed, and looked at Lapis curiously. “Lapis? Is everything all right?”

Lapis forced a smile. “Yeah, I’m fine. Look, I just remembered, there’s somewhere I gotta be.” She lied, standing up.

Pearl’s face showed a flicker of disappointment and Lapis felt bad about lying.

But she couldn’t bear to keep sitting here and listen to Pearl talk about how gorgeous and wonderful Rose was. So she told Pearl a brusque goodbye and stomped off to be alone.

She wished she had her jacket, she almost felt naked without it.

Inside of going home to sit back in her dreary house she decided to walk around the park.

It was very pretty, although she had never come here much before. But Pearl had suggested it and-

Pearl.

She hung her head. She had known this entire time that liking Pearl was a waste of time. For so many reasons. Yet she had done it anyway. Which had been dumb of her.

She sighed.

She couldn’t hold it against the girl that she wanted to go out with her friend. But she couldn't help the twinges of jealousy she felt at the thought of Pearl going out and having fun with another very gorgeous woman.

But that was ridiculous. Because it was Pearl’s life, and Lapis didn’t deserve to control what she did. That was always the very thing that Lapis insisted on rebelling against in her own life.

And even if Pearl didn’t like her the way she wanted, Pearl was still her friend. And Lapis would support her, no matter how much she hated it.

Suddenly the sunny day didn’t seem so bright. Lapis sighed. Perhaps it was best after all to go home and mope there.

She shivered, despite it being a warm day. It was very strange. All of a sudden she had the strong desire to burst into tears. Which was a ridiculous thought, because she didn’t cry.  Ever.

She blinked quickly, raising a hand to wipe at her eye. Perhaps it was allergies.

She walked quicker.

                                                                                                                           -:-

The next few days were strange.

Pearl had seen Lapis a few times, but whenever Pearl tried to talk to her about anything Lapis would just nod and smile a very forced, fake smile, then find a way to end the conversation.

To say the least, Pearl was baffled.

This was not now Lapis acted.

No matter how moody she was to everyone else, she had always been friendly and kind around Pearl. Now even that wasn’t happening.

Her first thought was that she had done something to upset her, yet she remembered the last time she had thought that and immediately felt guilty. It probably had nothing to do with Pearl, after all, Lapis did have her own life away from Pearl. She just hoped that it wasn’t about the ex she had mentioned.

She would’ve been glad to spend extra time with Lapis, she really enjoyed Lapis’s company after all, but Lapis seemed to want nothing to do with her.

It hurt, but Pearl decided to let it go. After all, she still had Friday night with Rose to look forward to.

Soon enough Friday came along, and she was saying goodbye to Lapis, who only mumbled a grouchy goodbye. She quickly turned away from Pearl, scowling.

Pearl stared after her, a faint aching feeling in her chest. But that was ridiculous and besides, she was going out with Rose tonight.

She straightened, smiling to herself. Tonight would be perfect.

And afterwards she would find out what was wrong with Lapis. But that was later.

                                                                                                                            -:-

After school she went home, spending the afternoon puttering around her room. Finally the day was almost over and it was almost time to go.

She had thought about wearing a dress, but decided on a sleeveless collared shirt with a pink skirt that flared slightly at the waist. She dabbed on a little bit of makeup, putting on a light coat of lip gloss.

She left without any argument from either of her parents.

Her mother fully supported her spending time with Rose, and her father, who was rarely home anyway, was already in his study, reading the paper and smoking like a chimney.

She had tried to inform him that recent studies had shown that smoking could be very hazardous to one’s future health, but he had simply snorted, and called her a brainy ninny.

So she shut up after that.

She waved goodbye to her mother before stepping out the door. The air was cool outside, although she doubted that she would need a jacket.

She felt jittery, even more so than normal.

She took a deep breath, then started off, smiling brightly.

                                                                                                                 -:-

 

The dinner was brightly lit, its lights could even be seen from a distance. It was, by far, the most popular place for all the teens who had nothing much to do to hang out.

Pearl didn’t go there as often as the truly cool people, but she wasn't by far considered uncool.

If she were to be really honest, the girls she hung out with were too strange to be cool, but they were scary enough that people tended to give them a very wide berth. Which Pearl rather enjoyed.

She pushed the door open, a bell jingling faintly. She had to blink at the sudden brightness, after coming straight from the darker outside.

Most of the tables in the restaurant were packed with teenagers, a few groups of friends but mostly couples on dates.

She swallowed, her throat suddenly deathly dry.

Quickly she walked through the dinner, taking a seat at a table in the back corner. It turned out to be a perfect spot, allowing her a view of the entire restaurant, including the doorway.

She glanced down at her watch. It read 7:10.

Pearl tapped her fingers against the tabletop.

                                                                                                                  -:-

Pearl blinked, trying to keep tears from leaking out her eyes.

People sat all around her in the restaurant, laughing and talking, while she was still all alone.

It was now 8:30, Rose was still not there.

Pearl felt nothing, nothing but hollow and utterly alone. Everything people said, it was true.

A tear trembled on the edge of her eyelid, threatening to fall.

Someone like her would always be alone. She would never be loved. She bit her lip hard, almost breaking the skin underneath.

The tear finally fell, landing on her cheek. She furiously brushed it away.

Why was she even still sitting here, alone and forgotten? All she was doing was making a fool of herself.

She stiffened, before snatching her purse off the seat beside her and walking out of the dinner. Once she stepped outside she sighed miserably.

The wind blew against her bare arms, making her shiver. She rubbed her hands over them, trying to warm herself.

She really should have brought a jacket.

Suddenly she realized just how dark it was outside, and she was completely alone. She shivered again.

This was a situation that her mother had drummed into her head a thousand times- _don’t be alone in the dark_.

Even though her town was relatively safe, no one had even been kidnaped in a long while, she certainly didn’t want to be the record breaker.

She sighed. What options did she even have? Rose hadn’t shown up.

If she called her mother then she would want to know all about the dinner and Rose. And even though she had been able to get away with an excessive amount of lying lately she had a feeling that lying about this wasn’t something she could pull off.

Her father wouldn’t ask any questions, but he also probably wouldn’t come. Or answer the phone.

She sighed miserably again, rubbing at her eyes to keep from crying. There _was_ someone who she could call.

But Lapis had been acting cold to her all week, and it was very likely she wasn’t even home on a Friday night. But she really didn’t have much of a choice.

Digging through her purse she found she had just enough change to make the call.

She went over to one of the pay phones outside of the restaurant and, after hesitating a moment, dialed the number.

Pearl vaguely realized she had memorized Lapis’s phone number.

It rang for a moment too long and Pearl’s heart sank. But just as she was about to hang up, a voice finally spoke.

“Hello? Who is this?”

Pearl shifted nervously. “Uh…it’s me. Pearl.” she answered finally.

“Oh.”

Lapis’s voice sounded strange over the phone. Pearl wondered if she was sick.

“I thought you were busy tonight.” she finally said.

Pearl bit her lip. “Lapis…I’m a little stuck right now. I know it’s a lot to ask but do you think…you might be able to come pick me up?”

There was nothing but silence on the other end.

Pearl hurried to finish. “It’s just that Rose never showed up and it’s really dark and I don’t want to walk home alone in the dark, because that’s really not safe and-“ She stopped herself, sighing.

“I know you’re busy. But thanks anyway.”

There was still silence on the other end and Pearl sighed. She didn’t deserve Lapis’s help anyway after this week.

Just as she was about to hang up, she heard something like a thump, then a muffled curse.

“Pearl I’m gonna come and get you, just wait there, okay?”

Pearl blinked, processing her words, before she smiled widely. “Lapis…thank you so much. I-I really appreciate this.” She said, her voice cracking slightly.

There was another pause, and Pearl knew Lapis was rolling her eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I know. Now, where are you?”

Pearl told her, and Lapis hung up, promising to be there soon. Pearl paced up the sidewalk before realizing that it was making her even more stressed out.

She sat down on the curb, lacing her fingers together to wait.

                                                                                                                -:-

  
10 minutes had passed, and Pearl was starting to feel more and more uncomfortable. The parking lot was only getting more empty and lonely.

She was just thinking of going back inside the restaurant to wait, when someone sat down beside her.

She recognized him, he played on the football team and drove an expensive car and all the girls at school seemed to fall at his feet. He plowed through them, having a different girl on his arm every week. Or that’s how it seemed to Pearl anyhow.

She generally tried to keep away from people like that.

Or she had, until he came and sat down right beside her, in a parking lot that, she noticed with rising alarm, was very, very empty.

He smiled in that sneering way that made all the girls swoon. “Hey Doll.” he said lowly, snaking his hand over to her knee. “Why is such a beautiful girl doing all alone on a Friday night?”

Pearl shifted away from him and his hands, but it didn’t seem to do much good. She shut her eyes, trying to calm her nerves.

“That-that’s not really your business.” she said, her voice wavering slightly.

He laughed darkly. “You’re funny. For a girl.” he added.

Pearl could smell a faint scent of alcohol on his breath as he leaned closer. She swallowed quickly.

She knew it would be better to keep him talking, but words seemed to fail her.

“You know, you’re a hard girl to find.” he said, his words slurring ever so slightly. “Always surrounded by those weirdos.”

He grunted. “Probably dykes all the lot of them. You really shouldn’t spend your time with them. People will start to think you’re like them. Like that.”

He said the word as though it had a bad taste in his mouth.

Pearl flinched visibly at his words. It hurt to hear someone talk about her friends in such a way, as though they were nothing but trash.

“But at last we’re finally alone.” he said lowly, chilling Pearl. His massive hands moved up to her shoulders, grasping her tightly. She tried to shove them away but he was far too strong.

“You’re so different and beautiful, you know? There’s something about you that’s so different from other girls.” His eyes were wild and fogged over, and Pearl realized that he wasn’t going to stop.

She was trapped.

Almost frantically she began to struggle to get away to no avail. He was just too strong. A frantic scream began to rise in her throat, her eyes swelling with tears.

Suddenly an ice cold voice cut through the night.

“ _What the hell_.”

Both Pearl and her tormentor looked up at the speaker.

Lapis stood there, hair rustling in the night air, eyes steely cold.

Pearl desperately tried to wipe at her eyes, easily pushing away the loosened grip of the boy above her. “L-Lapis this isn’t what it looks like…” She trailed off, realizing Lapis’s eyes were not focused on her.

The boy got to his feet shakily, nervously eyeing Lapis.

Lapis’s eyes never left him, not even to blink.

“What do you think you’re doing?” Lapis said, her voice steely cold, as she took a step closer. “You must think you’re such hot stuff that any girl would want you to fuck them in a parking lot, is that right? Well, that’s not even a little bit true.”

Her eyes were dark and pitiless as the boy started to tremble slightly. “N-Now that’s enough, it’s none of your business-“ he started weakly.

Lapis snorted humorlessly. “Oh, now that’s funny. I would find it funnier if I hadn’t just caught you trying to assault my friend.”

Slowly she stepped closer to where the boy stood, now shaking. A faint smirk danced across her face.

“You’re afraid of me, aren’t you?” she said softly. “Well you should be.”

She leaned closer, barely an inch away from his face. “Because I hate what you are. What you do to people who can’t stop you.”

She turned away, too late to see him grab out for her wrist.

The instant his hand touched her wrist she whirled around, her eyes gleaming with anger. Fast as lightning she kicked his shins, knocking his feet out from under him.

He landed hard on his back, grunting with pain. Lapis stood over him, almost growling with anger. “You want to try something with me pretty boy? Think again.” she said, her voice shaking, not from fear but anger.

She stared down at him for a long moment, her face blank of emotion.

“Lapis I-“ Pearl began.

But she stopped, as Lapis suddenly smashed the heel of her boot into the boy’s hand.

The hand he grabbed her with.

He screamed out in pain, but Lapis’s face was cold and emotionless. She smashed her boot in again and again, the parking lot silent except for his cries.

Pearl was frozen, unable to move. But she realized that she had to.

She grabbed Lapis’s hand, and it’s enough to take Lapis’s attention away from the boy.

“Lapis, it’s enough.” she said, almost a whisper.

Lapis’s eyes studied her face for a long moment. Pearl knew her face was probably flushed and afraid, stained with tears. But she still tried her hardest to muster a reassuring smile.

“Please.” she whispered, rubbing her thumb against Lapis’s palm.

Lapis was still for a long moment. Her eyes darted between Pearl and the moaning boy lying on the ground. Finally she sighed.

“Fine. Let’s go.”

She turned away, not giving the boy a second glance. Pearl stared at him for a moment.

He stopped shaking enough for their eyes to meet for a moment. For a second she felt a flash of pity, but it evaporated when she remembered what he would have done to her, had Lapis not come when she had. She scowled and whirled away, leaving him in the dust.

Lapis had already gotten on her motorcycle, looking at her impatiently. Honestly Pearl didn’t know she even had a motorbike, it somehow just seemed fitting.

Lapis looked as though she expected her to get onto that…thing.

And in any normal, appropriate situation she wouldn’t have. But it was time to leave that parking lot. Hesitantly she took Lapis’s hand, and climbed onto the motorbike.

Lapis nodded at her confidently, but Pearl wished she shared that confidence.

Lapis reeved the bike twice, then with a grumble of smoke they were off.

                                                                                                                        -:-

 

Lapis wished that there were some kind of wonderful, magical way she could go back in time and give herself a huge kick in the face.

She really hadn’t meant to blow up like that. But seeing Pearl on the ground like that, with that foul guy all over her, it made her furious.

She had been at home, sitting around moping when Pearl had called. She felt bad for Pearl, being ditched by someone really, really sucked. And later she was going to get really mad at the person who ditched her. But a part of her was glad that she was the one Pearl had chosen to call.

And she really had hurried, because even though their small town wasn’t particularly crime-ridden, it still wasn’t safe for girls to be out alone in the dark. Although the crime rate, in Lapis’s option, had almost nothing to do with anything; after all, one of the richest, most popular boys at school had just tried to attack Pearl.

And she had gotten there, seen what he was doing, and lost it.

The thing that made her the maddest though, was the terrified look on Pearl’s face.

She was crying.

He made her cry.

And Lapis broke his hand.

Perhaps it hadn’t been the most…appropriate decision looking back on it now.

But it would, however, make him think twice before going anywhere near Pearl now.

Lapis exhaled.

It had been surprising, but she had managed to get Pearl onto her motorcycle _somehow_. She nodded to a terrified looking Pearl, gesturing for her to hold onto Lapis. Strictly for safety purposes, of course.

Hesitantly Pearl wrapped her arms around Lapis’s torso, giving a little huff. Lapis stiffened for a moment, then sighed.

The night air was cool, gusting through her hair.

They drove through the little town, nothing but a few street lights keeping the dark away.

Pearl sighed, and gently laced her fingers together around Lapis’s waist. Slowly she rested her chin against Lapis’s shoulder.

Lapis bit her lip. But still she smiled faintly.

When they’re a block or so from Pearl’s house Pearl tugged a little on her jacket sleeve, gesturing for her to stop. Lapis nodded, pulling over to the side.

As soon as they come to a stop Pearl quickly hopped off. She tried to hide it, but Lapis can see her knees shaking slightly.

Briskly Lapis throws her legs off the motorcycle, standing much easier.

Pearl turned to Lapis, smiling a little awkwardly. “Well... thank you. I-I really appreciate it.” She stared down at her shoes.

Lapis arched an eyebrow. “This isn’t your house.”

Pearl blushed. “I-It wouldn’t go over well if I came home on a motorcycle. I can just walk the rest of the way.”

Lapis laughed quietly. “That’s probably true.”

“Sorry.” Pearl murmured, not meeting her eyes.

Lapis shrugged easily, until she noticed that Pearl was still staring very determinedly at her shoes.

“Hey,” she said softly, stepping closer to the other girl, “I’m sure she didn’t mean to leave you alone. She probably just forgot.” She tried to smile, but she was brutally aware how false her words sounded. But she doesn’t want to leave Pearl like this; so alone and sad.

She reached out for Pearl’s hand, and Pearl doesn’t resist. It felt so limp and cold. She squeezed it gently.

She was almost about to leave Pearl alone to herself when Pearl finally looked up at her.

There are tear marks across her cheeks, and Pearl’s eyes are misted over. Lapis wondered if Pearl even saw her. Pearl’s eyes glanced down at Lapis’s hand on her’s.

Ever so slowly, Pearl moved hers along Lapis’s, intertwining their fingers together.

“Pearl? Are you all right?” Lapis asked softly.

Pearl didn’t answer, her misty eyes studying Lapis’s face. The darkness hid Pearl’s face ever so slightly, but her eyes almost seemed to glow in the darkness. She could see them perfectly.

“Pearl?” she asked again, even softer.

Pearl’s eyes flickered across her face like lightning. Suddenly Pearl rushes forward, pressing her lips against Lapis’s.

It is entirely unexpected, like a gust of wind. It is not gentle or slow, and Lapis wonders for a second if Pearl is crying. But all her thoughts quickly vanish.

Lapis moves her mouth against Pearl’s, causing the girl to gasp faintly. It’s as if a flurry of passion has come over them, and neither of them are able to resist it.

Hands run through each others hair, running across their shoulders. Lapis’s hands find Pearl’s slim waist, holding it gently. Their lips move together in a sort of dance, Pearl’s tongue moving against hers ever so lovelily.

They both pull back to gasp for needed breath only to fly at each other once more.

Lapis doesn’t know how long they stand there, lost to the world. The darkness covered them completely, hiding them from anyone who might see.

Pearl’s lips are soft, and even when she’s kissing Lapis like this she’s still so gentle.

Lapis remembered how Jasper kissed her. This…this is something so different.

Pearl isn’t trying to get anything from her.

Pearl shivered suddenly, and Lapis remembered that the night was cool and Pearl’s arms were bare.

In an instant all of Pearl’s fire seemed to leave her. Lapis kissed her softly one last time before they both pull away.

Pearl couldn’t meet Lapis’s eyes. They were wide and desperate, flitting around wildly, landing everywhere but Lapis’s face. She was trembling, shaking almost.

“Pearl? What’s the matter?” Lapis murmured faintly.

Pearl shook her head desperately, stepping away from Lapis. Tears trembled at the edges of her eyelids. “I-I’m sorry- I can’t do this. Not again.” Pearl said, voice shaking.

She cast one last glance up at Lapis. “Lapis- I’m so sorry.” she said, her voice so faint Lapis wondered if she imagined it.

Then she turned, darting away into the darkness.

Lapis didn’t remember how long she stood there, stiff and frozen. Her stomach felt sicker than it ever had before. The only thing she could think was,

_Pearl, I’m so sorry._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> dang.
> 
>  
> 
> So wow. I can't believe how much you guys like this fic!! It makes me so ridiculously happy, I can't even tell you. So just thanks, thanks so much, you guys are awesome. 
> 
> I don't know when, but I'll try and have the next chapter up soon too!!
> 
> Also someone drew fanart for this fic and I literally started crying when i saw it. So go check it out here: http://doodlingukuleles.tumblr.com/post/148574830625/hey-guys-if-you-havent-checked-it-out-yet
> 
> And if anyone wants to post fanart for this AU please do! I'd love to see it!


	4. Baby you kissed me and I don't know what to do

Lapis’s head hurt.

Her entire body felt ugly and poisonous. Why in the world had she kissed Pearl? Why couldn’t she have just…not.

Lapis groaned, rolling over on her bed. Because she was an idiot, that was why.

Pearl had been in the middle of a terrible night and Lapis had only made it worse. Pearl had kissed her first, but Lapis shouldn’t have returned it.

Lapis sighed, finally slouching out of bed. She brushed her bangs out of her eyes with a huff.

Maybe she had just misunderstood Pearl’s reaction or…something.

She hung her head. No…there was no mistaking the look on Pearl’s face. In her eyes. She had looked…terrified, miserable.

Oh god. She had to blink hard to keep wetness from running out of her eyes.

She was exactly like Jasper. A predator.

Someone who hunted other people, only to skin them in a weak moment.

She collapsed back against her sheets. Her house was deathly silent. Somewhere she could hear a clock ticking.

Her head felt as if it were about to explode. She groaned, burying her face in her hands. There was no way she could stand to stay in there all weekend. She needed an answer, and to give an apology.

Decided, she stood, and quickly threw on a pair of cropped black pants and a dotted white blouse. After running a comb through her tangled blue hair and swiping on a bit of red lipstick, she studied herself in the mirror for a moment.

Her skin was far too pale, and deep circles rimed the bottom of her eyes. But it would have to do. She had always looked half sick to herself, and that wasn’t likely to change anytime soon.

After a moment’s debate she decided to grab her leather jacket from the chair that she had thrown it on last night. After all, it made her feel like herself, for better or worse.

And with that, she was out the door.

                                                                                                                       -:-

As she pulled up to Pearl’s house it occurred to her that she probably should have called before just showing up at her door.

Oh well. Too late now.

She parked her bike and hopped off. She went up to Pearl’s front door, ready to knock, but she hesitated. Maybe she _should_ leave.

Pearl probably wouldn’t want to see her anyway.

Lapis sighed. This was ridiculous, she had already come all this way. She couldn’t stop now.

She rang the bell.

After a moment she heard heels come clicking their way to the door. The door opened, revealing Pearl’s mother.

Lapis had to bite away a snarl.

_Great._

A flash of disgust appeared on Pearl’s mother’s face, but it disappeared in an instant. “Lapis dear, what are you doing here?” she asked silkily.

Her mother wasn’t about to be rude to Lapis. She wouldn’t say no. Lapis had to fight the urge to smirk. “Pearl and I have a school project that we have to work on.”

Her mother smiled tensely. “Oh. _How nice_.” she said through gritted teeth.

They stood there for a moment.

“May I come in?” Lapis asked pointedly.

“Yes. Of course dear.”

She said _dear_ as though it were poison in her mouth. She led the way through the house, Lapis following behind.

They walked up a flight of stairs to what Lapis assumed was the door to Pearl’s room. It was a plain white color with a few tiny silver star stickers stuck on it.

Pearl’s mother knocked on the door once, before she opened it. “Pearl dear, Lapis is here to see you. She said something about a school project.”

Pearl looked up from what she was doing, her eyes wide. Their eyes meet for an instant before Pearl looked away.

“Y-yes. It’s due this week.” she said quickly, playing along.

Her mother glanced between them, but finally decided that Lapis probably couldn’t completely corrupt her daughter in her own bedroom.

“All right.” she said finally.

Her mother left, shutting the door behind her, but Pearl was still staring at her.

“Hey.” Lapis said finally.

Pearl stared at her for another moment, then she turned her back to Lapis and sat down at a small desk. This wasn’t going the way she wanted it to.

“We need to talk.”

Pearl straightened, before she shut her eyes. “Lapis…there’s nothing to talk about.”

Lapis bit back a sharp retort. “There is.”

Pearl opened her eyes and stood to face Lapis. “There is _not_. There is nothing.” she said furiously.

Lapis blinked in disbelief. “Are you serious right now? You kissed me Pearl, and if you want to pretend it never happened then we can, but you at least have to tell me _why_ Pearl! Why did you kiss me?”

“Because I like you idiot!” Pearl screamed.

Lapis’s mouth dropped. Pearl slapped a hand over her mouth, eyes wide as dinner plates.

“Pearl…” Lapis said softly.

Pearl took a step back. “I-I didn’t mean that- I just-“ she stopped, covering her face in her hands. She groaned and sat down on her bed quilt with a defeated plop.

Slowly Lapis sat down beside her. “Pearl…I-I like you too.”

Pearl glanced at her, surprised. “What?”

Lapis smiled a watery smile. “Yeah.”

Pearl bit her lip, hesitating. “Lapis?” she murmured, asking a silent question with her eyes. Lapis nodded, before leaning in to Pearl.

That kiss was different, soft and slow, admittedly more innocent than the one the previous night. She could taste the lipgloss on Pearl's lips.

Pearl let out a tiny sigh, before melting into Lapis further. Lapis gently cupped her cheek with her hand.

They sat like that for another moment longer, both almost afraid to pull away, knowing that when they did, it meant that they would have to talk about this. Whatever this thing was between them.

But soon they realized that their time was up, and pulled apart with a quiet sigh.

Lapis’s hand was still resting on her cheek. She brushed her thumb gently across her skin before letting it drop away.

Pearl shut her eyes. “Lapis…”

“Pearl…you know how I feel about you. Please.” she said softly, a small bit of a plead in her voice.

Pearl opened her eyes, and they’re filled with tears. “Lapis I can’t tell you how much I want this, b-but I can’t. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry I just-“ she stopped, her shoulders trembling.

Seeing her like this killed Lapis. Suddenly, she couldn’t take it anymore and she wrapped her arms around the other girl, pressing her against her chest.

Pearl just trembled for a few moments, but then she hesitantly wrapped her arms around Lapis’s torso. Her head fell against Lapis’s blouse defeatedly.

Lapis hesitated, then gently ran her fingers through Pearl’s short hair. It seemed to help, because after a minute Pearl was able to look up at Lapis.

She took a deep breath.

“Lapis. I’m sorry…but I can’t be this. Not with you.” she said slowly, as if the words were stuck in her throat.

Lapis was silent for a moment. Pearl’s words echoed in her mind.

If Pearl really truly didn’t like her like that, she could live with it. But Pearl didn’t seem to be completely telling the truth. And this wasn’t going to end on a lie.

“Why not?” Lapis asked suddenly.

“I, well-“

“Do you have feelings for me or not?” Lapis crossed her arms.

All of the color drained from Pearl’s face. “I-I-“

Lapis leaned closer to Pearl. “Just tell me Pearl. And then I promise I’ll leave you alone and never tell anyone that you kissed me. It’ll be over and done with. Just say the word.”

Pearl was stiff, her blue eyes focused on Lapis’s. Lapis stared straight back. Finally Pearl hung her head.

Lapis’s heart sank. It had all been a lie.

Pearl had just wanted to know what it would be like to kiss a girl. And now she could run back to the boy in her life and laugh about how stupid Lapis had been.

She could feel tears swelling up in her eyes. The feeling made her angry.

She stood, ready to leave, when Pearl suddenly grabbed her hand. “Lapis, wait.”

Lapis turned around with a sigh. Pearl’s eyes were wide and shining with unfilled tears.

She bowed her head for a long moment, then with a strangled gasp raised her head. “I do care about you Lapis.” she whispered softly.

Lapis stared at her. “I care about you so, so much. I-It scares me, how much I care.” she continued quietly. She sighed.

Lapis was still. This hadn’t been what she was expecting. Now she really didn’t know what to do.

Finally she just sat down beside the girl on her bed. “Pearl…what do-“

“Lapis don’t you understand? I want to. I want to kiss you all the time. I want to be with you. But I can’t.” Pearl said desperately.

Lapis bit her lip. “And why can’t you date me?”

Pearl shut her eyes, her head drooping. She was silent for a long moment. “You’ve met my mother.” she said finally, her blue eyes filled with sadness.

Lapis stiffened. “So? Who cares what your parents think? They’re wrong.”

Pearl groaned. “I don’t know how your parents might be, but mine, they control my life. If they knew about…me, then I would never be allowed to see you again. I would be told that I’m poisoned, because I didn’t believe in God hard enough. And probably be engaged by the end of the month.”

She paused for a moment, running a hand over her hair to smooth it. “If they found out that I’m…the way I am, my life would be in ruins.” She grasped Lapis’s hand tightly. “You’re terrifying. You make me want to risk it.”

Lapis sighed. “No. I would never want to hurt you like that. If I did…I could never forgive myself.”

They sat there in silence for a long moment. Pearl was the picture of calm, but Lapis could feel her hand gripping Lapis’s tightly.

“But I-I want to be friends with you. If we could.” Pearl looked at her hopefully.

Lapis smiled softly. “I’d love that.”

Pearl beamed, and that made it all worth it.

Gently Lapis leaned over, pressing a kiss to her forehead. She smiled gently at Pearl, even though her chest was aching inside.

                                                                                                                -:-

 

“You’re ridiculous, you’re not aware of that fact though, correct?”

Lapis scowled, and flicked Peridot on the back of the head. “I don’t know why I bother to tell you anything.”

Peridot shrugged. “It’s simply my magnetic personality that makes you spill your guts to me.”

“Really.” Lapis answered flatly. “Somehow, I don’t think that’s right.”

Peridot rolled her eyes. “Well if you’re just going to stand there and be mopey then help me look for my book.”

Lapis shrugged, then crouched down to the bottom of a shelf.

After she had left Pearl’s, she had moped her way over to Peridot’s house. In all honesty she had just been looking for someone to complain to, but yet, had forgotten how completely unsympathetic Peridot was.

Peridot had been on her way out the door when Lapis had found her, so Lapis ended up following her to the bookstore.

Peridot had mentioned something about needing a welding book, or whatever. Something like that.

They had finally gotten to the bookstore, Lapis complaining all the way, and Peridot barely bothering to pretend to pay attention.

Lapis was fully aware of where her horrible mood was coming from, but to tell Peridot would be…uncomfortable. After all, it was never fun to tell someone how you got violently rejected.

Lapis sighed, plopping down into a saggy chair in the back corner of the tiny bookstore. Idly she flipped through the book she had grabbed out of curiosity, titled, _A Beginner’s Guide to the Practical Everyday Use of Voodoo_.

It was surprisingly fascinating.

Peridot rolled her eyes when Lapis showed her the book. “What? You don’t believe in voodoo?” Lapis said, smirking.

Peridot stared at her blankly. “That is simply ridiculous Lazuli. There is no magic that can’t simply be explained by science.”

Lapis laughed. “Who says magic doesn’t have it's own kind of science?”

Peridot rolled her eyes again. “Whatever weirdo.” she answered, going back to looking for whatever book she was looking for.

Lapis just smirked, and went back to reading about how to curse someone with a pickle jar.

They stayed there for another few hours, the sun starting to set before Peridot kicked Lapis in the shin.

“Ow! What was that for?” she said scowling.

“I’m ready to go.” Peridot said straight-faced.

“Really.” Lapis said flatly.

“Yep.”

Lapis sighed. She hauled herself out of the sunken-in chair with a grunt and stood.

She turned to Peridot. “So, did you find what you were looking for?”

Peridot shrugged. “Not really.”

Lapis scowled.

“But I did find something else that would work all right too.” Peridot said hastily, “…but I kinda forgot my wallet.” she finished lamely.

Lapis groaned. “So you want me to pay for it.”

“Come on Lapis, I know you have plenty of money with you.” Peridot looked at her pleadingly.

Lapis could literally feel her will crumpling.

Damn it.

“Fine.” she said finally.

Peridot grinned. “Thanks.” she said, for once actually sounding earnest.

Lapis rolled her eyes. “Yeah, whatever. Next time you want me to buy something for you though, it would be a good idea not to kick me in the shin.”

Peridot nodded earnestly, and Lapis snorted. “Nerd.” she said with a smirk, ruffling the girl’s hair. Peridot just batted away her hand in protest.

They went up to the register to pay, and found the checkout girl deep in a book, her arms propped against the counter.

As Lapis and Peridot approached she looked up from her book, letting Lapis get a better view of her.

She was massively tall, even while sitting, her dark-skinned face surrounded by a mass of dark curls. But the odd thing was the pair of sunglasses perched on her nose, completely covering her eyes. Even though her eyes were hidden, Lapis got the feeling the woman was staring her down.

And certainly not in a flirty kind of way. Almost as if she were sizing Lapis up, trying to figure out the fastest way to take her down.

But before she felt too uncomfortable, the woman spoke. “Can I help you?”

Lapis nodded. “We’d like to buy these.”

She set both their books down on the counter with a thud. They were surprisingly heavy.

The woman stared at them for a moment, then chuckled. “You two make quite a pair.” she said, her voice laced with amusement.

For a second Lapis was baffled, then she realized what the woman was talking about.

The two books on the counter were Lapis’s voodoo book, and Peridot’s, _A Complete Guide to the Science of Engineering_.

They couldn’t possibly get to any farther ends of the spectrum of being kooks.

She chuckled slightly, causing a grin to spread across the other woman’s face.

“That’s a pleasant thing to hear.” she said smoothly, her voice showing hints of a British accent.

Lapis glanced up, startled. “What-“

“Your laugh. You came in here miserable.” Lapis flushed slightly, dropping her eyes. “I-I suppose that’s true.”

The woman nodded, wrapping the books up with brown paper. “Mind sharing your problem?”

Lapis blinked. She didn’t know this woman at all. And you don’t share personal problems with complete strangers certainly. But something made her want to tell this woman.

She sighed. “It’s-it’s just there’s this girl I like…and she sort of told me that she likes me but doesn’t want to date me.” Lapis groaned, brushing her hand across her bangs. “It’s stupid, I’m stupid.”

“Caring about someone is never stupid.”

Her words made Lapis look up, startled. The woman’s expression was unreadable, but something about her stance was determined looking.

She sat the bag with all of the books down onto the counter with a thunk. “That’ll be 45.50.”

Lapis blinked, and slipped her wallet out of her jacket pocket. “Oh, sorry.” She handed the woman the money, and the cash register rang out with a ting.

The dark-skinned woman handed her a receipt and a pen. “Just sign there please.”

Lapis complied, quickly jotting down her name. Once she finished, she handed the slip of paper back to the woman.

Lapis saw her pause, staring down at the name. “You’re Lapis?”

Lapis arched an eyebrow. “Um… yeah?”

The woman stared at her for a long moment, completely still.

Then, suddenly, she groaned very loudly.

“That little idiot…” she muttered to herself, shaking her head.

Lapis just stood there, now throughly uncomfortable. “Uh, is everything okay?” she asked hesitantly. The woman looked up, almost as if she had forgotten that Lapis was still standing there.

“Yeah, just my friend, she’s a moron.”

“Oh.”

The woman chuckled. “It’s fine, don’t worry ‘bout it. She’s got me to kick some sense into her.”

Lapis nodded. With a grin the woman held her bag out. “Hey, don’t forget these.”

Lapis smiled gratefully, because she had, in fact, been about to leave them on the counter. “Thanks-“ she stopped, forgetting for a second that she didn’t actually know this woman’s name.

“Garnet.” the woman finished, a mysterious smile across her lips. Lapis smiled.

“Thanks Garnet.”

                                                                                                                             -:-

After she had finished paying Peridot had popped up again and they had both left.

Peridot was strangely silent, which meant she was thinking about something. That usually wasn’t a good thing. But Lapis didn’t feel like starting a conversation, so they walked in silence.

Finally Peridot spoke. “Lapis, is something wrong?”

Lapis blinked. Usually Peridot was far too emotionally inept to pick up on anyone’s mood, good or bad.

She must have been scowling pretty hard.

Peridot was still looking at her for an answer. Lapis sighed. “Nah, I’m fine.”

Peridot looked at her, arching an eyebrow.

Lapis rolled her eyes. “…I’m just not having a good day. Okay?”

Peridot nodded, her eyes focused back on the sidewalk. They kept walking. Suddenly Peridot looked up again.

“Whatever happened to that school partner you had?”

Lapis froze.

“Did- did it not go well?” Peridot asked quietly.

Lapis bit her lip, not sure if she should answer. Finally she sighed, stopping and turning to Peridot.

“It went really well. But…” she trailed off.

“She turned you down?” Peridot said furiously.

“No. She didn’t…it’s just…not going to work out.” she said, looking down at the ground.

“Oh.”

They stood there for a moment. “That’s why you’ve been so bummed today, isn’t it?” Peridot asked softly.

Lapis stuffed her hands into her jacket pockets, not looking at Peridot. “It’s just…I really liked her Peridot.”

“That sucks.” Peridot said finally.

Lapis laughed a little. “Yeah, it does weirdo.”

Peridot rolled her eyes and they began walking again.

                                                                                                                    -:-

Pearl hadn't had a good day at all.

She'd spent most of it crying in her room. Thankfully her mother had decided to give her a little space, and didn't bother her. Although being left alone with her thoughts was hardly better.  

Everything had been going wonderfully, before she ruined it all. She had kissed Lapis.

She rolled over onto her side, trying to find a less uncomfortable position.

And it had been wonderful. That was the worst part. She had loved it.  And even now, every part of her was yearning to do it again.

She shut her eyes.

Noooo... that wasn't the right way to think.

She had already tried that. And look how well that had gone.  

It...it had been the right thing to tell Lapis what she had. If only she could just convince herself of that.

But the way that Lapis had looked, it made Pearl feel like crying all over again.

She sighed again for the millionth time.  

Lapis hadn't been disgusted by her, or even angry at her.  Perhaps she had enjoyed their kiss as much as Pearl had. But even if that were true, it still didn't change that being- _that_ with her was out of the question.  

Or was it?  

She blinked. Maybe-maybe she could, and simply keep it a secret. After all, she had managed to stay friends with Garnet all this time. Perhaps she could do sort of the same thing with Lapis.

She smiled to herself. Perhaps there was hope.

 Suddenly she heard footsteps, heels clicking up the staircase.

Her mother.

Quickly she sat up, did the best she could to wipe away the tear stains on her cheeks, and grabbed a book, just as her mother opened the door.

"Mother, do you need something?" She asked in her most demure voice.

Her mother arched an eyebrow but thankfully didn't comment. "I just wanted to tell you that your aunt called, they're coming over for dinner tonight."

Pearl nodded, but on the inside she was screaming. Her aunt and uncle were...unpleasant people, if you wished to be polite. Having them over for dinner would be miserable and uncomfortable for everyone, especially her.

But she said none of this. Her mother paused by the door. “Oh, and make sure you’ve gotten fixed up.” Her eyes darted over her daughter’s bedraggled appearance.

“And brush what’s left of your hair, at least.”

With that she shut the door behind her. Pearl sighed, falling back against her sheets.

She hadn’t thought that she had any tears left to cry, but, apparently, life was determined to prove her wrong.

                                                                                                                   -:-

The doorbell rang, piercing through the house.

“Pearl honey, would you get the door?” Her mother called from the kitchen.

Pearl bit her lip. “Yes mother.”

She stood, placing the book in her hand onto the coffee table, and going over to the door rather unenthusiastically. She shut her eyes for a moment, bracing herself, then opened the door.

She was met with a pursed smile. “Hello dear.” her aunt said sourly.

Pearl forced her face into what she hoped was a pleasant smile. “Hi Aunt May.”

The older woman hmmed in response. “Won’t you come in?” she asked politely.

Her aunt sniffed haughtily before pushing past her. It took all of her will not to sigh.

They both sat, Pearl on the sofa and her aunt in one of the wingback chairs. Pearl shifted uncomfortably.

“Where is Uncle Henry?” she asked, mostly to fill the silence.

“He’s just parking the car. Now, where is your mother at?” her aunt snipped.

“She’s in the kitchen.”

“And you’re not helping her?”

Pearl was still, knowing that any response would only make things worse.

Her aunt rolled her eyes and stood with a sigh. “I’ll go see if she needs anything.” And with that she turned, marching into the kitchen, muttering something that sounded like “ _Lazy girl_.”

Pearl shut her eyes, desperately wishing the night was over already.

Her father strode into the sitting room. “Pearl. Are your aunt and uncle here yet?”

Pearl nodded. “Aunt May’s in the kitchen with Mother. Uncle Henry’s parking the car.” Her father nodded, only half listening. “Right, right.”

He sank down into a chair with a grunt.

Suddenly the doorbell rang again. Her father barely glanced up. “Aren’t you going to get that?”

Pearl forced a tight smile. “Of course.”

She stood as slowly as she could. Finally she opened the door, revealing a very stout man with a sour look on his face. He brightened though when his eyes landed on her.

She could feel his eyes crawling over her, up and down her body.

Her smile tightened. “Hello Uncle.” she spoke, a bit of ice creeping into her tone.

If he noticed he didn’t show it, because he only grinned. “Hey girl. Aren’t you gonna give yer old uncle a hug?”

Pearl stiffened. “It’s good to see you.” she answered, hoping the lie would perhaps distract him slightly.

He opened his mouth to say something else, very likely foul, but her father thankfully came up behind her. After a grunty greeting, the two men started to talk about something or another, allowing Pearl to slip away.

                                                                                                                       -:-

  
They sat down to dinner, but Pearl wasn't sure if she would be able to keep anything down, her stomach was churning so much.

But with a commanding glare from her mother, she knew she'd have to try. Taking a tiny bite, she slowly started to chew.

Yep, tasted just like dirt.  

But she smiled, nodding gratefully towards her mother. "The food is delicious mother."

 Soon the people seated began to converse. Most was meaningless chatter and Pearl simply tuned it out. But suddenly something caught her attention.

"So Catherine, did you hear about what happened at church last Wednesday?" Her aunt asked.

Her mother tilted her head curiously. "No, I don't think I have."

A grin spread across her aunt’s face, a sign Pearl knew to mean that she was about to share a cruel piece of gossip about someone.

Pearl slouched down lower into her chair.

“Abagail Brown, she saw this pair of ladies come into the sermon, and they were together.” She said the word _together_ as though it was poisonous.

“They apparently just moved to town a few weeks ago. And they _live_ together as well. Utterly shameless.” she tuttered.

Pearl’s eyes flittered to her mother, curious despite herself as to what her reaction would be. But her mother simply arched an eyebrow.

“I have a feeling there’s more to this story that you haven’t said yet May.” Her aunt straightened. “Well, there is. Abagail told me _all_ about it. She went up to the ladies after the sermon and told them how disgraceful that kind of behavior was, but they must have thought she was joking, because they both started laughing! Then she asked if they knew that they were going to hell because their souls were filled with demons, and they actually had the nerve to say that they didn’t mind.”

Pearl’s mother shook her head. “Such a disgrace. People like that are disgusting.”

Her aunt nodded in agreement.

Pearl sunk even lower in her seat, now almost too nauseous to eat.

Her aunt took a bite, silent for a moment before continuing. “I don’t know what I’d do if one of _my_ children was like that.”

Pearl could have imagined it, but it felt as though her aunt’s eyes rested on her for a moment too long.

From the way her mother’s eyes hardened, Pearl knew she had seen it as well.

She stiffened, purposely taking a large bite of food.

“I agree. It would be quite a disgrace.” her mother said cooly.

Pearl swallowed hard.

“Although I wouldn't know, I find it difficult just to keep the boys away from my Pearl, they’re coming over so often.” she said with a very fake sigh.

Pearl happened to know that that wasn’t true at all.

She reached over and brushed her taloned nails over Pearl’s hair in what was supposed to be a tender act, but sent chills down Pearl’s neck. “My little Pearl is just too lovely, no?”

Her aunt sniffed. “I suppose. Although that hair makes her look like a boy.”

Her mother’s smile tightened.

Pearl had to bite down hard on her tongue to keep from crying.

“Anyway, what was I talking about? Oh the church and it’s…”

Pearl didn’t hear the rest of what her aunt said, suddenly overwhelmingly dizzy. The table around her seemed to spin and churn, the only thing she could hear were her mother’s words echoing in her ears.

Suddenly she couldn’t stand it for a moment more.

“I-I’m not feeling well. If I might have some air please.” she murmured softly.

Her mother glanced up, as if surprised to hear her speak. She nodded with a frown. “Yes, yes, of course.”

Pearl mustered as much a smile as she could and nodded, murmuring a quiet thank you. With that she turned and quickly fled.

As soon as she was safely in the kitchen she moaned, burying her face in her hands.

No, she wouldn’t cry. She wouldn’t let what her mother said or thought make her sad.

Now if she could just convince herself of that.

She rubbed her eyes. She needed to get out of that house.

Glancing back into the dinning room, making sure that no one was looking for her (they weren’t), she grabbed a jacket from the hook in the kitchen and quietly slipped out the backdoor.

                                                                                                           -:-

  
Pearl walked through her neighborhood, the wind much cooler than she had remembered. Autumn would be soon.

She tucked her arms around herself.

Why was it always like this? Her sad, miserable, and all alone. Although the only constant in this depressing equation was her. She pushed people away.

Garnet was busy making her own life, Amethyst was just…something, and Rose.

Rose.

She winced against the wind.

Rose was her fault. All her fault. What she and Rose had…it had been beautiful…perfect. And she had ruined it.

Broken it into a million pieces that could never be put back together again.

And Lapis… Pearl let out a sob.

Of course she had to go and ruin that too.

Stars…she would give anything for Lapis to be there in that moment.

She sighed heavily.

But she wasn’t. Pearl had certainly made sure of that.

She trudged onward, the sun sinking in a brilliant orange light. She had no actual destination in her mind, only to move. She lost track of just how long she wandered, only noticing her surroundings when she was practically running into someone’s front door.

She looked up, glancing around her. She sighed. At least she knew where she was.

Talking to anyone was the last thing in world she wanted to do now, but she could hardly leave now. Pearl was just surprised she wasn’t sitting outside waiting for her.

After a moment of collecting herself she knocked lightly on the door.

A moment of silence then quiet footfalls came up to the door. As the door opened, casting Pearl into a bath of light, two eyes, one a slight red color and the other a brilliant blue, stared back at her.

“Hey Pearl.” Garnet said, a hint of surprise in her voice.

Pearl just stared at her for a long moment, before bursting into tears.

                                                                                                                        -:-

Sitting in the brightly lit kitchen with a cup of tea and Garnet beside her, Pearl was able to finally stop crying.

She had told Garnet everything her mother had said between sobs and Garnet had simply listened, which Pearl was thankful for. She had quietly patted Pearl on her back and made a cup of her favorite tea.

Pearl sipped it slowly, still sniffling slightly. “Thank you…thanks for listening.” she murmured softly.

Garnet smiled gently. “No problem.”

She patted Pearl’s shoulder gently. “You know you can always come here.”

Pearl blushed, looking away. “I-I didn’t mean to. I just sort of…started walking.”

Garnet chuckled.

Pearl traced a finger around the rim of her teacup. “Where are your parents? I would’ve thought they’d be here.”

Garnet laughed. “On the account of my mum’s physic right? I’m sure she’ll be upset that she missed you. Now I get to tease her about it.”

Pearl shook her head. “No, no. I’m sure she just wasn’t here on purpose. Probably wanted to give us time to talk.”

Garnet snorted. Suddenly a door slammed.

Pearl grinned. “Told you.”

Garnet rolled her eyes. Sure enough, the voices of Garnet’s mothers came floating in from the hall.

They entered the small kitchen still talking.

“-and I still can’t believe that jerk actually said-“

Garnet cleared her throat.

Ruby stopped, noticing Pearl for the first time. “Oh. Hey Pearl.” she said, clearing her throat awkwardly.

Sapphire smiled, undisturbed by any of this. “Hello Pearl. It’s nice to see you.”

Pearl offered a smile in return. “It’s good to see you to. Both of you.”

Sapphire removed her blue hat, placing it on the hook rack. “It’s not like you to come over at nighttime. Is everything all right?”

Garnet shot a look at her mother, but Pearl shook her her head. “It- everything’s fine. But thank you.”

Sapphire opened her mouth, but Garnet cut her off. “Mum, she said she’s fine. Let it go.”

Sapphire rolled her eyes. “Alright. I will mind my own business.”

Ruby made a sound that sounded suspiciously like a snort.

Sapphire glanced at her accusingly. “What?”

Ruby bit her lip. “Nothing.”

“Really.”

“Yup.”

Sapphire sighed. “Well it was very nice to see you Pearl. I think we’re going to go to bed now.”

Ruby yawned at that exact moment, making her point. “But kid, you can come over any time. It feels like we never see you.” Ruby added, stifling another yawn.

Pearl smiled weakly. “I know. Thank you.”

She would spend every waking moment in that house if her parents allowed it.

But they did not.

If they had known where she was at that moment they would’ve been furious.

Sapphire and Ruby both bid them a goodnight before going upstairs.

As soon as they were out of earshot Garnet huffed. “Sorry ‘bout my mum. She really just wants to help, though she could go about it better.”

Pearl rolled her eyes. “Oh please. You know I love your parents. It’s nice for someone to care sometimes.”

She sighed, bowing her head. “I really should be getting back before it gets too late though.”

“They aren’t important Pearl. What your mother thinks is wrong.”

Pearl turned to her, eyes wide. “She said- she said it was disgusting. She said I was disgusting.”

Her eyes swelled with tears. “What if I can’t lie forever? What if they found out Garnet?” she asked softly, her body trembling.

Garnet shook her head before pulling her into a hug. Pearl sniffled once, before burying her face in Garnet’s chest.

“It’ll all work out Pearl. Things will be fine. Besides, I know what I’m talkin’ about here. I can see the future, remember?”

Pearl snorted into her chest. Soon they were both laughing.

Pearl pulled away, a smile on her face. “Thanks…for listening to me this long. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”

Garnet grinned. “You’d do awesome.”

Pearl rolled her eyes good-naturedly. “Sure.”

She stood, pushing her chair in behind herself. “I wish I could stay here, but I need to go home now.”

The thought made her feel ill, but Pearl exhaled deeply and summoned her courage. It wasn’t like she had much of choice in the matter anyway.

So she got her jacket, bid Garnet goodbye, and started home.

                                                                                                                         -:-

She felt lighter.  

As if there were actually something in the world to hope for.

It was still faintly light outside, although the sun was quickly disappearing over the horizon.

She exhaled, the breeze fluttering through her hair. She tucked her jacket around herself a bit more, then started off.

As she was rounding the corner to her neighborhood, she heard what sounded like two people arguing, or, perhaps more accurately, grumbling to one another.  One of the voices sounded vaguely familiar to her.  

Turning the corner she was surprised to come face to face with Lapis, and another smaller blonde girl with a rather pointed face.

Lapis froze, her eyes wide.  Pearl found herself mirroring her.

The only one who appeared to be unfazed by the entire situation was Lapis's friend, who was still talking as if nothing had happened. “-and that is completely unnecessary Lapis, especially if- What are you two doing?” she scowled at the both of them.

Pearl blinked. Her cheeks were definitely bright pink now.

“I-I’m sorry, I was just passing by and I’ll just-uh…” she babbled, now having absolutely no clue how to end this conversation.

The blonde squinted at her, then darted to Lapis, then back on her.

Finally Lapis spoke. “Hey Pearl.”

Pearl looked at her for a moment, then sighed. “Hi Lapis.”

The blonde was still staring at them both, and her eyes widened when Lapis said her name. “Wait, you’re Pearl?”

Pearl blinked once. Lapis had told her friend about her?

_Uh oh._

She cleared her throat slightly, smiling weakly. “Uh, yes, I am.”

“Oh. I am Peridot.” the blonde said, still serious.

Out of the corner of her eye she saw Lapis staring determinedly at the ground.

Peridot looked at her for a long, awkward, unblinking moment, her eyes squinting slightly. After a moment, serious frown still on her face, she said, in most solemn tone imaginable,

“You’re pretty.”

Pearl blinked, because if she had been expecting anything, it hadn’t been that. Suddenly the absurdity of the entire situation hit her full force, and a grin blossomed across her face. “Thanks.”

Lapis finally looked up, and Pearl grinned, seeing her cheeks just as red. Pearl let out a tired giggle. “It’s just- you don’t know how much I needed that. I’ve had a pretty terrible day.”

Lapis’s eyes darted to hers for just a moment, asking her a silent question, and Pearl gave her a barely perceivable nod of her head in response.

Yes, she was fine. Not great, but fine.  Just fine.

Peridot tilted her head slightly, probably confused by Pearl. Suddenly impulse took over and Pearl threw her arms around both of them in a slightly awkward hug thing.

It didn’t last very long, but Pearl was still glad she had done it. Lapis and Peridot both had strange looks on their faces, but she decided not to worry about it.

“I’ve really got to be getting home now, but I’m glad I ran into both of you. It was nice to meet you too, Peridot.”

Peridot nodded, smiling faintly.

She bit her lip, only a moment of hesitation, trying to decide what to say, if anything.

“Bye Lapis.” she said, a small smile on her face.

Lapis’s dark eyes met hers for a moment.

“Bye Pearl.” Her voice sounded dry.

Pearl felt her stomach fall a little when she heard it. But this was the way it was. Lapis smiled faintly, and Pearl knew Lapis didn’t hate her.

Pearl had broken something. She always did.

But still…it was okay.

She smiled a little brighter and turned, leaving with a wave. Lapis’s eyes stared after her, and she straightened.

This was okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Being gay is hard^-^
> 
> So school is kicking my butt right now, I think I've literally been sick for most of September, so that happened. ;P But I really wanted to get this up, and I really want to start trying to update more over all. But I think this chapter might be the longest one yet, so that's good? 
> 
> Anyway, I still can't believe all the comments and support that I've gotten from you guys<333 you rock;) Really though, it's all your comments that inspire me to keep writing when I'm stuck. So thanks^-^
> 
> Also pklv drew fan art for this fic here: http://pklv.tumblr.com/post/149869900133/so-i-sketched-a-human-pearl-inspired-off-this-cute :> it's amazing and I love it<33
> 
> If anyone wants to post fanart for this fic please, please do, because I absolutely freak out when I see it!


	5. Darkness creeps quietly (it'll get you if you're not watching)

Pearl couldn’t stop tripping.

It was a ridiculous thing really. Her natural gracefulness was something that she was most proud of, and one of the things that really aided her ability to dance.

But not today, apparently.

“Pearl, please. Try to focus.” her teacher said sharply.

Pearl nodded, eyes cast downward. This was frustrating. But all she could do was keep going, no matter how much she felt like crying. She stood from where she had sat to retie the ribbons on her shoes, forcing a smile on her face. “All right. I’m okay now.”

“Wonderful. Now girls, get into position.” Her teacher snapped her fingers and the girls gathered into their starting formation.

Pearl took a deep breath, then stepped carefully into her position at the center. Her teacher smiled in a way that was meant to be encouraging, and clicked on the old radio in the corner, filling the room with the sound of croaking piano music.

That, perhaps, was the moment when everything blew up.

She must have misjudged the distance between herself and the girl positioned behind her, because when she extended her leg behind her it did not meet with open air, but something that felt suspiciously like a stomach.

The girl cried out and Pearl, now entirely flustered desperately grabbed out for anything to keep her balance, which, unfortunately, happened to be the nearest girl’s arm.

It turned out that grabbing onto another person for balance was about as good of an idea as it sounded. The other girl promptly lost her balance as well and sent her and Pearl both crashing to the floor in a tangle of limbs.

Pearl sat up, her cheeks aflame. “I-um…sorry.” she muttered quickly.

Everyone was staring at her incredulously. She blushed harder. This had to be a nightmare. Even the teacher was looking at her as though she were an alien.

She cleared her throat awkwardly. It was still happening. Why was she still sitting stupidly on the floor?

Awkwardly she tried to pick herself up from the hard floor, when a jolt of pain ran up her leg.

No, no no. She hadn’t just hurt herself. Oh stars, she was an idiot.

“Pearl, Christine. Are you both alright?” her teacher asked.

The girl Pearl had pulled down with her nodded, taking the teacher’s hand as she stood. Pearl didn’t fail to miss the dirty look she sent her. “And you Pearl?” the teacher asked, turning her attention back to Pearl.

Pearl bit her lip. “I-I think I’ve twisted my ankle. It- it hurts when I move it.” Her teacher frowned, bending over Pearl.

Pearl winced as she moved the injured joint against her hands. “You’re right. It’s slightly sprained. You’re lucky it didn’t break.” she smiled in a way that was supposed to be reassuring, but Pearl felt like she might throw up.

Briskly her teacher rose, clapping her hands to get the attention of the class of tittering girls. “We’re just going to cut today’s class a tad short, that’ll be all for today girls.”

There were quite a few murmurs about that, and a number of girls glared towards Pearl before leaving to get their bags.

Pearl stared down at the floor. She understood their resentment. With all honesty she deserved it. Why hadn’t she simply stayed in the back like she always had? And her dancing was doing nothing except falling apart.

Just like herself.

She sighed.

“Alright Pearl. Let’s get you up and into my office.” Pearl sniffed, and took the hand her teacher held out for her. With a slight grunt Pearl managed to get herself to her feet, teacher’s arm around her waist, taking the weight off of her injured leg.

Pearl was a little surprised at just how strong her teacher was, either that, or she was just really, really thin. Whatever the cause, like lighting her teacher managed to drag Pearl into her office down the hall. She had Pearl sit down in a chair, gesturing for her to prop her foot up against her desk.

“Hold on one sec. I think I put my med kit in the supply closet.” She patted Pearl’s shoulder before turning briskly out the door.

Pearl sighed, letting her head fall against the back of the chair. This sucked. She sucked. She shut her eyes. Thinking that, no matter how true it felt, wasn’t helpful.

She stared down stubbornly at her ankle. Nope, it still kept right on aching very unhelpfully.

 _You just had to bend the wrong way,_ she thought bitterly.

Deciding that thinking was an all together terrible idea, she glanced around her teacher’s office, curious.

It actually wasn’t all that strange for an office. Located at the end of a hall, there were several large windows, allowing light to pour into the room. There were all the normal office things, a desk, some chairs, a bookshelf. Faded with age, ballet posters were scattered across the free wall space.

Her desk was irritatingly cluttered with papers scattered all across the surface, a few odds and ends poking up here and there. If Pearl didn’t think her ankle would completely give out on her, she would’ve been tempted to neaten all the mess.

And honestly, there really was an appalling amount of dust for such a small room.

She was about to groan, now fully irritated, when her eyes fell on something.

A small little frame glinted in the light on the corner of the desk. Carved out of a shiny material, something that resembled mother-of-pearl. Pearl shifted slightly, trying to make out the photo in the frame.

Suddenly the door opened, and Pearl scooted back down in her seat. Luckily, her teacher didn’t seem to have noticed her snooping.

“All right! I’ve got some ice here, and make sure to keep that ankle up high. We don’t want it swelling anymore than it has to.”

Pearl nodded mutely.

Her teacher smiled, and gave her a ice pack to press against her ankle. Pearl winced slightly at the sudden coolness, but after a moment it faded.

“Just keep that on there for a little while. I’d better call your mother to come and get you.”

Her teacher arched an eyebrow at Pearl’s expression. “Want me to call someone else?”

Pearl’s stomach lurched. Yes, in fact she did. But there wasn’t anyone else. So she shook her head again. From the look on her face she could tell that her teacher didn’t believe her, but once she decided Pearl wasn’t going to tell her any different, she went over to the phone.

Pearl pressed the ice against her ankle a little firmer. She could hear her teacher saying something over the phone then, but couldn’t bring herself to pay attention.

Whatever.

Her teacher put the phone back down with a clack. “Your mother will be here in fifteen minutes.”

Pearl nodded, her eyes still flitting around, anywhere but the other woman.

“Pearl, what’s going on with you?”

Pearl stared down at the floor boards. They really could have used a good mopping. “Because I know that we all have bad days, but this… this doesn’t seem like that.” Pearl bit her lip. When she dared to glance up her teacher was still staring at her expectantly.

“Well?”

Pearl hung her head. “It’s just- I’m a little tired, that’s all.”

Her teacher looked at her for a moment, then sighed. “I just want to help you Pearl. I think that you can do this part.” she shook her head. “No, that’s wrong. I know you can do this lead role. But if you want to, then you’re going to have to figure out how to get over whatever’s bothering you.”

“Everything.”

Her teacher blinked. “What?”

Pearl shut her eyes. “I’m…just having some…life trouble right now.”

Her teacher sighed, leaning against the edge of her desk. “I know how hard stuff can get. And it affects all the other stuff you try to do too.” Her teacher was silent for a long moment, before she went over to her desk, picking up the tiny little frame Pearl had been looking at before.

She stared at it for a moment, her eyes unreadable, before she handed it to Pearl. It was a tiny frame, fitting neatly in her hand. The photo in it was old, and had a bend mark down the middle, as though it had been crumpled at one point.

It was a photo of a little girl, maybe two or three at the oldest. She was beaming at whoever took the photo. Pearl stared at it, unsure what to say.

“That’s my daughter. She’s five now.”

Her teacher’s voice broke through her thoughts, and Pearl blinked.

“It’s not easy, and it never has been. I was pregnant at eighteen People…they didn’t give me an ounce of respect. Several said that I should just give her up.”

Pearl ran a finger over the frame. “But you didn’t.”

“Damn right.” Her teacher crossed her arms, her frown facing the floor. Pearl looked at her, hoping she would say something more.

Pearl had been vaguely aware that her teacher had a child, and yes, though the fact that her teacher was rather young to have a child had floated through the gossip chain at one point, Pearl had never known about any of this.

Her teacher rubbed her eyes tiredly. “Pearl, I’m telling you this because I wish you wouldn’t have to learn it the hard way like I had to.” Her eyes focused on Pearl’s, filled with solemnness. “People are going to judge you, and say all kinds of horrible crap about you, no matter what you do. But that- in the long run-it doesn’t matter. It’s not gonna affect your life. But if you let them change who you are, or what you do with your life… that does have an impact. That’s what can hurt you more than anything. You have to ignore what they think and just live. It’s all you can do.”

Pearl looked at her, and though the thought of doing what she said was nauseating, she nodded.

Her teacher smiled wryly. “That’s my old person advice for today. Don’t worry ‘bout that ankle either. I’ll tell your mother to make sure you get plenty of rest for the next couple days and you’ll be good as new.”

Pearl blinked, realizing that with all their discussion, she had completely forgotten about her ankle.

She smiled, nodding. “Yes Ms. Rain.”

Her teacher grinned, patting her gently on her shoulder. “Good girl. And don’t forget, I still know you can do this. Just don’t let yourself forget.”

Pearl let out a breathless laugh. “Yes madam.”

 

                                                                                                                    -:-

 

 

Lapis was getting rudely reminded how much she hated Mondays.

And, in more of a general sense, school. All of her classes sucked. And the people in them, students and teachers alike, sucked.

Just sucked.

She snorted into her sandwich. At least she had lunch. But Peridot hadn’t come to school that day so Lapis was stuck sitting alone.

She was about 99.9% sure that Peridot hadn’t skipped for any kind of rebellious, rule-breaking reason. She would honestly swear that Peridot loved homework more than life itself.

Much more likely it had something to do with her mayor mother. She liked, or rather insisted, that Peridot have an understanding of whatever crap a mayor did, and would sometimes randomly pluck Peridot out of school for the day to come and watch her preform her all powerful mayoral duties.

Perhaps it was because her own mother was intimidatingly powerful as well, but whatever the reason, Peridot’s mother had never managed to intimidate Lapis the way she seemed to intimidate everyone else in their small town.

And, of course, both Lapis’s mother and Peridot’s were also close friends.

There had been rumors, only rumors, that the mayor and Celeste Coren had set up some form of trade agreement that had led to Diamond Incorporations basing themselves in one of the smallest, dinkiest towns in Maine.

Now, just how legal the entire thing was, that was a different story.

But that was hardly important; Lapis couldn’t imagine anyone had the nerve to ask either woman about it, much less question their decisions. Whatever they were up to, they were in no danger.

The only thing that made Lapis even notice the rather strange relationship between the two women was the fact that Mayor Yamini was, unsurprisingly, Jasper’s mother as well. Which sucked. Majorly sucked.

Even after they had broken up, Jasper wouldn’t stop popping up places.

At dinners or formal events for her mother’s company, Jasper would always hitch a ride with her mayor mother. The entire thing was uncomfortable and it didn’t take long for Lapis to start ditching all the events entirely.

Something that upset her mother, but Lapis couldn’t care. No matter how much it made her and her mother argue, staying away from Jasper was far more important.

She took an angry bite from her sandwich. Disgusted, she dropped it back onto the table. It landed with a pathetic thunk.

 Whatever. She had P.E. later and there was no way she was doing that with a full stomach.

She stood, grabbing her jacket with one hand and the sandwich she was pretty sure was half moldy with the other. Carelessly she threw the sandwich into the garbage can as she left the school’s cafeteria.

Brushing her bangs out of her eyes, her mind shifted to the rest of her long, long drudge of a day. 12:30 now, and she still had PE and English. So at least she had 30 minutes to kill.

She sighed. At least English wouldn’t be completely terrible.

                                                                                                                        -:-

 

Never mind. English sucked too.

She shifted back in her chair, the teacher’s voice already fading away to a dry drone.

As much as she didn’t want to admit it, she was desperately disappointed at the empty chair beside her. Even though Pearl wasn’t, or at least wasn’t _supposed_ to be anything special to her, just being around her made Lapis feel better.

Pearl would always whip out her notebook and pen at the beginning of class, and then proceed to take notes furiously for the rest of the period, no doubt writing down every word to fall from the teacher’s lips.

If Lapis ever dared to distract her during class in any way, Pearl would send her a horrible scowl, roll her eyes and go back to working wildly.

Lapis teased her about it, but Pearl insisted that Lapis couldn’t possibly understand the importance of having good grades, and would start on a long tirade about how failing some dinky high school English class could, in some long chain of events, lead to one being homeless and dirty on the side of the road.

Lapis scratched at the floor with the corner of her boot. Now she just wished Pearl was there even more.

Lapis was fully aware of how pathetic she was being, still, after everything, mooning after Pearl. But she just…liked her. And it wasn’t going away, no matter how much it should have.

It could still work out fine though, she and Pearl were friends still. She could just like Pearl as a friend right? Like, really, really like her.

Lapis sighed, shutting her eyes.

What she really needed was to just stop thinking entirely. About Pearl and Jasper and her mother, and everything else. Just stop.

She sat back in the hard desk chair, crossing her arms and waiting for class to end.

Finally after a short eternity the bell rang, causing everyone to grab their bags and shove their ways out the door. Lapis was about to follow when she noticed her English teacher gesturing for her to wait.

The door slammed as the last person left the room, leaving her and the English teacher as the only ones in the room.

“Miss Coren, I wanted to speak with you for a moment.”

Lapis arched an eyebrow. Usually teachers never wanted to speak with her unless they were talking detention. Most didn’t even have the nerve for that.

She knew that this English teacher was some sort of mix between a newbie and subbing for someone. If he really was straight out of college like he looked to be, then he was really was new at everything, all the time. That could be fun.

He was thin, and dressed exactly like a English teacher, with a tweet jacket and neatly ironed cache pants. In all honesty, the only thing that wasn’t perfectly on point was the fact that he lacked a stuffy accent. This was certainly a teacher she could work quite easily.

Crossing her arms, she went up to his desk. “Yes?”

He blinked, surprised at her abruptness. “Oh, Miss Coren. Right. Uh- you probably saw that Miss White was absent today?”

Lapis looked at him flatly.

He cleared his throat. “Um…anyway, I’ll take it that you did. Her mother called me this morning, and she’s fine, just at home resting from an injury. It’s not bad, but she’ll need to stay off her feet for a little while.”

Lapis nodded, her throat dry.   _Pearl…_

She exhaled through her nose slowly, determined to keep her composure, despite the waves of worry cascading over her. Apparently she succeeded, because the teacher started to dig through the mess of papers covering his desk, ignoring her.

“I know it’s here, just give me one moment…Aha.”

He pulled a file out from the mess, smiling. “I know it’s a lot to ask, but since Miss Pearl’s your partner, would you be willing to take her these assignments? She expressed a great concern about falling behind on her studies.”

Lapis felt a smile tug at the corners of her scowl. “I’m sure she did.” she murmured.

“So you’ll do it?”

Lapis nodded. “Sure.”

Her face was perfectly flat and uninterested, but she snatched the folder from the poor English teacher the second he offered it.

He arched an eyebrow but wisely didn’t comment. If he had, Lapis would’ve found it hard to resist the urge to punch him in the face.

She was still in a ragingly foul mood. Nodding tersely, Lapis tucked the folder under her arm and marched out of the classroom, sharp heels clicking against the tile floor.

She could hear the teacher sigh behind her. She smirked to herself. Good. She always liked to get herself acquainted properly with a new teacher.

Carefully balancing the folder in he crook of her arm, she set off to the joys of PE.

 

                                                                                                                     -:-

 

Pearl huffed loudly, quite on purpose.

Her mother sighed exasperatedly. “Yes Pearl. I know you don’t want to be here. You’ve already made that very clear.”

Her mother set the glass of ice water Pearl hadn’t asked for down on her nightstand with a thunk.

Pearl winced slightly.

Her mother either didn’t notice or didn’t care.

Pearl shut her eyes, setting her head fall against the pillows currently shoved all around her.

Needless to say, her mother had not been happy when she had to come pick Pearl up on Sunday afternoon, or to learn that she had also injured herself. Pearl had made a point to emphasize the fact that it was slight, and not at all life-threatening like her mother liked to make things out to be.

But her mother had utterly ignored her protests and insisted on keeping her home from school.

Pearl, who felt perfectly fine except when she tried to walk, was bored out of her mind.

It didn’t help that she was stuck in the house with her mother, who was currently in a furiously bad mood. Pearl was starting to wonder if this was some kind of punishment on her mother’s part, a sort of grounding under a different name. For hurting herself and wasting her mother’s time.

Her mother snapped her fingers loudly, and Pearl blinked, slipping out of her thoughts. “Pearl. Did you hear anything I just said?”

Pearl couldn’t help but shrink back slightly at her sharp tone. Slowly she shook her head.

Her mother sighed, rubbing her eyes wearily. “Of course not.” she muttered.

Frowning, she pulled a small pill bottle from her pocket and set it down with a smack against her nightstand. “Pearl. Listen carefully now. These are pain killers. You’ll need to take one every three hours for the next few days. They’ll make you feel slightly dizzy and tired. You need to stay in bed and actually rest.”

Her forehead creased as her scowl grew. “I mean that Pearl.”

Pearl nodded quickly, not about to argue.

Her mother sighed for what seemed like the millionth time. “I know you think I’m doing this for some evil reason. But I’m only trying to help you Pearl. You might not think so, but I know what’s best for you.”

Pearl nodded again, placing her hands across each other on top of her skirt. Her mother’s scowl softened a degree. “Do you want a blanket?”

When Pearl shook her head, she nodded.

“All right. I’ll let you rest.”

With that she left, shutting the door behind her.

Pearl waited till she heard her mother’s heels click all the way down the stairs before letting out a groan, burying her face in her hands. With a sigh she slumped back into her pillows, and after a moment’s hesitation, picked up the pill bottle from her nightstand.

She stared at the bottle for a long minute, turning the bottle around in the palm of her hand. The little white pills rolled around inside the glass container. Pearl tapped her nail against the ice cool glass.

Finally she set it back on her nightstand, still unopened. She shut her eyes and hoped for once to get some peaceful sleep.

 

                                                                                                                 -:-

  
Forget annoyed, Lapis was just plain pissed.

She slumped against the cold metal of the lockers that covered most of the girl’s locker room. With a grunt she wiped her slightly damp bangs out of her vision.

A few people dared to glance her way, but they quickly looked away when Lapis shot them a dark look.

Around her girls were laughing and gossiping with their friends. Lapis shoved herself away from the lockers and onto a bench to wait for everyone to leave. It was worth being a little late from PE to get herself back together alone.

She slumped over, resting her elbows against her knees as a wave of nausea washed over her. Maybe she should have eaten more lunch after all.

“Hey Lapis.” a voice said from over her shoulder.

She looked up, glancing over her shoulder with a scowl. She was met with a cheeky grin.

Lapis scowled harder. “Hello Amethyst.”

Amethyst grinned wider, plunking down beside her on the locker room bench. Lapis put her head back between her knees.

“Ya know, it’s been forever since we hung out.”

Lapis looked up from her knees, glaring darkly. “Since when do you want to hang out with me?”

Amethyst shrugged carelessly. “Oh, I dunno. Since when do you wanna hang out with someone like Pearl?”

Lapis groaned loudly and stood, opening her locker with a clang. “So that’s what this is about.”

Lapis was certainly not in the mood to have this conversation with anyone, least of all Amethyst.

“It’s just kinda funny why you would wanna hang out with her. You two have like, nothin in common.” Amethyst continued, shrugging.

 Lapis nodded angrily, now thoroughly annoyed. “Well, if you want to know so bad, ask Pearl.” She tugged the horrible cotton gym shirt over her head, throwing it to the floor in a heap.

Amethyst picked at the chipping nail polish on one of her fingers. “Well yeah, course I tried that, she won’t tell me a thing. So I thought I’d ask you.”

Amethyst’s eyes darted towards her, sharper than a moment before.

The locker room was now empty, leaving Amethyst and Lapis alone.

Lapis quickly put her clothing back on, before digging around in her school bag for her makeup bag. Amethyst looked at her expectantly.

“Well?”

Lapis frowned, finally finding her makeup bag at the very bottom of her school bag, tugging at it only to find that it was, in fact, good and stuck. She shook her bag a little, hoping to shake it loose.

“Well what? What do you want me to say?”

She managed to grab hold of her makeup bag, tugging it loose with a grunt. Quickly she unzipped it, pulling out concealer and a tube of red lipstick.

Amethyst crossed her arms. “Don’t be dense Lapis. You know what I’m askin’ you.”

Lapis dabbed on concealer over the deep circles under her eyes, frowning into the mirror inside her locker. “No, actually I don’t.”

She opened the lipstick, untwisting the base of the small tube.

“Are you fucking Pearl?”

The lipstick fell to the floor with a clatter.

Lapis whirled around, her eyes wide.

Amethyst arched an eyebrow. “Well?”

Lapis could feel her cheeks burning like fire. “No. Of course not.” she said firmly.

Amethyst smirked. “But you want to, right?”

Lapis shut her eyes. In all honesty the thought had occurred to her. But not in any kind of real life, ever ever possibly act on kind of way.

“No.” her voice sounded hoarse and cracked. “Why are you asking me this?” she asked finally.

Amethyst frowned, shrugging. “P’s my friend. And she’s got a lotta crap on her plate right now. And if you’re being trouble for her then you need to stop. She doesn’t need anything else to deal with.”

Lapis rubbed her eyes wearily. “I know that. And I know that you think poorly of me. But try and believe me when I say that I don’t want to hurt Pearl.” She sighed. “And there’s nothing going on between us.”

Amethyst stared at her for a minute before snorting. “Yeah…right. And the sky isn’t blue. Whatever.”

The coldness that had been there just a moment before had faded from Amethyst’s eyes, and she grinned at Lapis, as though nothing had ever been wrong.

She shifted back on the bench, propping herself up against her elbows. Lapis shifted uncomfortably for a moment.

“Y-You wouldn’t want to hang out again sometime?” she asked finally.

Amethyst blinked, a look of surprise across her face, but then she smiled. “Sure.” she said easily. “We can go right now if you wanna.”

Lapis smiled for the first time that day. “All right.”

They both left, and Lapis could slowly feel the gap that had grown so vast between them start to mend.

 

                                                                                                                        -:-

  
The only reason Pearl wasn’t screaming right now was the fact that she’d probably get into trouble for it.

Her eyes blurred over the same sentence she had been reading for the past thirty minutes. Finally she gave up, and slammed the book closed. She stared at it for a second before promptly hurling it at the wall.

Slowly she sat back into her cushions with a huff.

She stared down angrily at her ankle. Stupid ankle that just had to break. She ran her fingers through her cropped hair tiredly.

It wouldn’t have even been so bad if she had been able to simply talk to someone other than her mother. Pearl closed her eyes, now throughly upset. Taking a breath at least helped her calm down, if nothing else.

She was about to haul herself off her bed to pick up her book when someone knocked lightly on her door. Her eyes flitted over to the doorway as it opened a crack.

Smiling with a hint of nervousness, Rose poked her head into Pearl’s room. “Hey.” she said softly.

Pearl stared. That was all she was currently able to manage.

Rose shifted awkwardly. “May I come in Pearl?” she asked, her voice careful.

Pearl blinked. Her voice seemed to have lost its ability to function properly, so she shrugged carelessly.

Rose nodded, and opened the door wider, stepping into the room carefully, as though she expected Pearl to turn into a raging demon at the very sight of her. Truth be told, Pearl might have actually done that if she hadn’t currently been bed-ridden and exhausted. Not to mention a little desperate for any company at all.

Rose hesitated, before coming over to her bed, sitting down gingerly on the corner of her sheets. “How are you feeling Pearl?”

Pearl looked at her flatly. “I’m fine. Just a sprain. No big deal.” she said, her eyes hard.

Rose shut her eyes. “Pearl, I’m just trying to help. I know you may not think so, but I care about you. Really, I do.”  Pearl frowned. “If you actually cared about me, then maybe you’d act like it sometimes.”

Rose’s cheeks flushed slightly, a sign that Pearl knew meant she was frustrated.

Pearl knew that shouldn’t make her feel better, but it did.

Rose sighed. “Pearl, I’m sorry that I missed our dinner, but things came up. Greg’s mother, she wanted me to stay over for dinner and I tried to call but you had already left your house and-“ she trailed off at the look on Pearl’s face.

Pearl’s eyes were wide, and felt as though she might throw up whatever little food was inside her stomach.

“So you just ditched me.” she whispered.

Rose’s eyes widened. “No, no Pearl, that’s not-“

“It is. You left me all alone.” Tear’s threatened to spill over the edge of her eyes, but Pearl quickly blinked them away.

Rose reached for her hand, but it was limp in her palm. “Pearl…”

Pearl shook her head, half towards Rose and half to herself. “I know that it’s my fault. I know that I’m the one who ruined what we had.” she bit her lip, pausing to keep the tremble out of her voice.

“But Rose, I can’t go back.” she stared at Rose before she sighed shakily. “I changed, and so did you. I-It’s time to stop pretending that everything between us is the same.”

Finally one of the tears slipped out, running down across her cheek.

“What…what are you saying Pearl?” Rose asked after a long moment, her voice quavering slightly.

Pearl shut her eyes. “I need a break. We both do. You should go hang out with that- beach musician guy, if that’s what you want.”

She couldn’t keep the bitterness out of her voice. Rose clutched at her hand, as if to somehow pull her back. The only problem was that it would likely work. Pearl could already feel her resolve crumbling.

But finally Rose closed her eyes, thick eyelashes damp. “All right Pearl.”

She gave Pearl’s hand a gentle squeeze before standing. “I-I guess I’d better go.”

Her eyes shown with tears, but none fell.

There was hesitation for just a moment, as they both stared at each other. Finally, after what felt like a short eternity Rose cleared her throat.

“I hope you feel better Pearl. I really only ever wanted what was best for you. I-I hope you know that.” she said thickly.

Pearl nodded too quickly for it to be natural, and they both knew it. Rose looked at her one last time before turning away, shutting the door with a click behind her.

She didn’t dare take a breath till she heard Rose’s footsteps fade from the stairs.

Once she was certain that Rose was completely gone she let out a strangled gasp, unable to keep the tears from rushing down her cheeks any longer.

 

                                                                                                                     -:-

  
“What-are you serious right now? You dated Jasper!?!”

Lapis rolled her eyes. “And why is that so surprising to you?”

Amethyst wrinkled her nose. “Just- Jasper. Period. Why?”

Lapis sighed as they both walked down the cracked concrete steps that led the way to their school. “I dunno. She-it was just fun I guess. Not being…alone.” Lapis shrugged, and stuffed her hands inside her jacket pockets.

“Well, I always thought she was an enormous asshole, so…” Amethyst said with a shrug.

Lapis silently agreed with her, but said nothing. Amethyst sighed, pulling her backpack strap higher onto her shoulder. “Ya know… I’m sorry we kinda didn’t…stay friends. You’re cool to hang out with.”

That got a faint smile from Lapis.

She shrugged again. “It’s fine. Besides, it was always more me than you. It always is.”

Amethyst snorted. “Yeah, that’s true.”

Lapis laughed. “So, what about you? Doing anything with your life?”

Amethyst smirked, flipping her mane of dirty blonde hair with badly dyed purple ends. She tugged a hair tie off her wrist, quickly knotting it into a sloppy ponytail. “Ya know me, I always try to do as little as possible.”

Lapis rolled her eyes. “I’m aware.”

“But yeah, I do a little sports stuff here and there, and sometimes I work at this dinky little garden shop.”

Lapis couldn’t contain her snort, and didn’t bother to try and hide it. “You-you work at a gardening shop? And you like, sell all the little old ladies their begonias and stuff?” she said incredulously.

Amethyst shrugged carelessly. “Yeah, but don’t get too excited, most of the time I don’t show up.”

“That sounds more like you.” said Lapis smirking.

Amethyst chuckled. “I’ve currently been fired from that one shop five times. I can’t imagine why they would keep letting me back in there, except for the fact that they can’t get anybody else to take that shitty job.”

“Or maybe you’re just that great of an employee.”

They both snorted.

“But yeah, between that and the shit ton of homework I got to do, that’s pretty much-“

“Wait, stop.” Lapis said, stopping mid-step. Suddenly she groaned.

Quickly she checked her bag. She had completely forgotten Pearl’s homework folder in the girl’s locker room. She wished she could give herself a huge kick in the forehead.

Amethyst arched an eyebrow. “Somethin’ wrong?”

Lapis sighed, rubbing her eyes wearily. “I just remembered, I left something at school.”

Amethyst shrugged. “So? Just get it tomorrow.”

Lapis shook her head. “No, it’s important. I gotta go get it.”

Amethyst’s brow furrowed as she frowned. “You want me to come back with you?”

Lapis shook her head again. “Thanks, but I won’t be long. Just run in, run out.”

Amethyst still looked concerned, but she nodded.

With a wave Lapis turned back towards the direction they had just come, walking briskly to the school.

                                                                                                                          -:-

  
The school was dimly lit, with most of the lights already off. Lapis supposed it must have been later than she had realized.

It didn’t matter though, it wasn’t as if anyone would be looking for her. Tonight there was zero chance of seeing her mother, seeing as she was currently out of town on some work trip or something. Lapis had only half listened when her mother had told her.

The entire school was silent, and as she walked down the dark hallway, heels clicking against the tiled floor, she felt a twinge of weirdness up her back. It wasn’t fear, she didn’t get afraid, and certainly not of the dark.

But still…it wouldn’t’ve hurt to have taken Amethyst up on her offer of company.

She sighed. This was silly and ridiculous. She would only be in here for a minute, just long enough to get Pearl’s homework and leave.

She straightened, and kept walking.

The girl’s locker room was cool, reminding Lapis of a sort of freezer. She guessed that they had to air out the stench of sweaty bodies somehow.

The door closed with a slam behind her and she winced at the sound. Way to be stealthy.

She rolled her eyes at herself and started to look around for the folder. Glancing around the locker room she quickly realized that the folder wasn’t just laying there.

She sighed, bending over to check under the benches in the room. After she had checked every nook and cranny, her locker, and a few other people’s lockers (some people just didn’t understand how to close things properly) she was throughly frustrated.

As she ran a hand through her bangs, brushing them out of her eyes, she tried to remember exactly what she had been doing before. She knew she had had the folder before gym, and she had put it inside her locker over gym class.

She had gotten it out when she had left, but she didn’t have it now. So it had to be somewhere in that room.

She crossed her arms. Where had she not checked?

Suddenly she heard footfalls behind her and she whirled around. Only to come face to face with a wide, dark smirk.

“Jasper.” She winced at how weak she sounded.

Jasper’s amber eye’s danced with a dark light. “You seem surprised to see me Bird.”

Lapis scowled. “Yeah. Why are you here? Stalking me?”

Jasper rolled her eyes. “Please. And what about you? Is that what emo chicks do now? Hang out in dark locker rooms?” Jasper smiled lowly, and it took everything Lapis had not to take a step backwards. “Or, were you just looking for something?”

“I don’t-“ Lapis stopped as Jasper held up a very familiar brown folder. She opened it, flipping carelessly through the contents.

Lapis watched her darkly.

“Now,” Jasper said after a moment, her voice like a dark purr, “why in the world would you care about something like this?”

“Maybe I just decided to take my education seriously.” she said carefully, keeping her voice even.

Jasper looked at her for a moment and then burst into a loud laugher. “Oh really? And did you change your name also, Pearl White?” she said, holding up the front page with Pearl’s name printed neatly on the front.

Lapis froze.

She wanted to say something- anything to remove Pearl from this entire situation, but her voice was gone, her mouth locked in a tight line.

Jasper shifted suddenly, frowning. “Now why would you care so much about some little girl’s homework? That’s something that’s beneath the Lapis I know.”

Lapis swallowed, the lump in her throat painful. “Who I am is none of your fucking business. And neither is she.”

She tried to snatch the folder from Jasper’s hands but Jasper easily held it out of her reach.

Jasper was silent, but Lapis could feel her eyes tracing over her. She scowled, her eyes hardening. Finally Jasper snorted. “You’re being ridiculous Lapis. This girl- she’s not going to accept you. She doesn’t care about you. I care about you.” Jasper’s eyes burned with emotion.

Now Lapis snorted. “If you cared anything about me then you’d leave me alone.”

Jasper growled. “Don’t you get it? You’re alone without me. Your mother…always gone. And I know you’re not one for friends are you?”

She stepped closer and Lapis took a step back. “I’m all you got. When are you gonna fucking wake up and realize that you’re mine?”

Suddenly she slammed Lapis against the lockers, catching her by surprise. Lapis grunted with pain but Jasper ignored it. Lapis struggled, but Jasper, being quite a bit stronger easily pinned her against the wall.

Jasper smiled widely, and Lapis wondered how she never noticed how sharp Jasper’s teeth were.

“Jasper- stop- I don’t-“

Jasper stopped her, silencing her with a kiss, furious and angry. Lapis struggled against it, trying to shove her away, but Jasper had both her arms pinned against the wall.

Lapis felt a scream rising in her throat, and waves of disgust as Jasper kept kissing her. She fought to keep her eyes open. Jasper’s hands moved from her arms to her chest, groping her through her shirt. She pulled away from Lapis’s mouth to leave a trail of bite marks down her neck. Lapis couldn’t keep herself from letting a moan escape.

Jasper grinned darkly. “You like this, don’t you.” Lapis moved away slightly, shaking.

“J-Jasper stop- I don’t like this. I- I want you-I want you to stop. Now..please.” she murmured.

She felt wetness against her eyelashes. There was nothing…nothing she could do.

Jasper rolled her eyes. “You little lying bitch.”

Jasper ignored anything else that she could get herself to utter, and her hands returned full force over her body, squeezing her breasts, her butt. Lapis couldn’t do anything but cry, and keep murmuring, pleading for her to stop.

Suddenly Jasper’s fingers found the waistline of her jeans, tugging on them.

Suddenly a new burst of fury ran through Lapis.

No.

Jasper wasn’t going to take her pants off.

No.

Furious, she began to writhe in Jasper’s hold, desperately shoving her away. She managed to get one arm loose and, frightened and furious she struck Jasper in the face, and, with a grunt, Jasper released her.

Lapis gasped, bracing herself against the lockers. She raised her head towards Jasper and her eyes widened. There were several long bloody scratches now running across Jasper’s face where Lapis had clawed her.

Lapis exhaled, breathing heavily.

Jasper stood there, deadly calm. Slowly she raised a hand to her cheek, fingers returning in blood. “Bird’s got claws, doesn’t she?” she said finally, her amber eyes dark with something Lapis knew was a deep-seeded fury.

“Just wait. It’s not as if anyone else will ever love you. You’re mine, and you’re gonna stay that way. You’ll see.”

With that she threw the folder onto the floor in front of Lapis. She looked at Lapis for a last time and turned, the locker room door slamming behind her when she left.

Lapis stared after her, unable to move. A shutter ran through her body and she could feel her knees give out under her.

Slowly she collapsed against the floor as she began to sob.

 

                                                                                                                      -:-

  
Pearl ran her fingers through a part of her hair, brushing away a small curl from her eyes. She sighed, absently flipping through one of her mother’s magazines, so far not finding it to be all that interesting.

Too many articles about shrinking one’s waistline and too many advertisements for dishes.

But at least her mother had left the house, allowing Pearl to leave her room. She had gone to visit a friend from church, or maybe it was her book club, who was sick with a cold.

Why she felt the need to go visit someone sick when there was someone already sick in her own home, Pearl had no idea. But she hadn’t complained.

Her father was out of town for his work, and that meant with her mother also gone she’d have the house to herself for a few hours.

Which, after a day of being trapped in her room, was a huge relief. Although her ankle was hurting a bit, not to mention the fact that she was rather tired.

She frowned, finally tossing the magazine back onto the coffee table after finding the millionth ad for cleaning supplies.

Feeling a little bit sorry for herself, she was trying to decide if she wanted to fix herself some toast, or if she just wanted to go take a shower and be done with the day, when she heard the phone ring.

She groaned. That was almost certainly her mother calling to check on her.

Pearl understood, and even appreciated her concern, but sometimes she wished her mother could give her just a bit of space. The phone continued to ring.

She’d better get it, or her mother would definitely think that she had somehow managed to kill herself in the 45 minutes she had been gone.

With a small grunt Pearl hauled herself up from the sofa and over to the phone. Sighing quietly, she picked up the phone. “Hello?”

There was silence on the other end, and then something that sounded like a sniffle. Finally they spoke. “Pearl? I-Is that you?”

Pearl’s eyes widened. “Lapis? Is that- are you all right?”

There was silence again, and Pearl bit her lip.

“Yeah. I’m fine.” Lapis answered finally.

Pearl’s hand tightened around the phone. “Lapis…you don’t sound all right.”

Lapis let out a strange sort of breathless laugh. “You…you’re really good at reading me.”

Pearl could hear her breathing on the other end, low and dry. Finally, after an eternity of a few seconds Lapis spoke again. “I-I- just really needed to talk to someone. That’s why I called.”

“Lapis- come over.”

There was a pause on the other end. “I-I don’t want to get you-“

“My parents aren’t here, you won’t get me in trouble.” Pearl said, cutting her off.

Lapis took too long to answer and Pearl’s heart sank. “Lapis- you might think that you’re fine, but I’m not. I need to see you. Please.” she whispered.

Silence, and Pearl was sure that a no wasn’t far behind, but then she heard a loud sigh.

“Fine.” Lapis murmured.

Pearl smiled with relief. “Great. I’ll see you soon?”

Quietly Lapis murmured a yes, and then hung up. Pearl bit her lip.

Lapis was probably fine. She had to be, or Pearl didn’t know what she’d do.

                                                                                                                  -:-

  
After sitting around worrying for fifteen and a half minutes (not that she had been counting) there finally was a faint knock on the door.

Pearl sprang up like lighting from the sofa before she remembered that her ankle, was in fact, still sprained. She winced at the pain, before hobbling over to the door.

She started to speak before she even opened the door, without looking. “Lapis I-“ her voice stopped along with her heart.

It was Lapis, but it wasn’t.

Her eyes were dark and sunken, makeup smudged in a way that told she had been crying. Her blue hair, wild and unbrushed, clothes rumpled as though she had been through a wind storm. Lapis shifted slightly before she could see closely, but Pearl thought she had seen a strange line of bruises along her neck.

“Oh Lapis…” she murmured, her voice pained.

Lapis stood there for a long moment, staring at her with those dark eyes, and Pearl thought she might bolt from Pearl’s porch. But she didn’t.

With a gaspy sob she sort of fell into Pearl’s arms, and before Pearl could think straight, was crying desperately.

Pearl thought her heart might break in that moment.

She wrapped her arms around Lapis, holding her close. She had never realized just how small Lapis was. Carefully, arms still firmly around Lapis, she shuffled them both inside, closing the door behind them.

                                                                                                                  -:-

They sat on the sofa, Lapis tucked in Pearl’s arms, as she murmured softly to her, running her fingers gently through her hair.

Finally Lapis stopped sobbing, but Pearl still felt ill, seeing that her eyes had that same dead, lifeless look.

“Hey, hey. You okay now?” she asked quietly.

Lapis nodded, not meeting her eyes. Pearl’s hand cupped her cheek, rubbing a lingering tear away with her thumb. “Do you think you could tell me what happened Lapis?”

Pearl knew she shouldn’t ask so soon, but she had to know. Had to understand somehow, how Lapis, strong, confident Lapis could possibly cry like this.

Lapis didn’t meet her eyes, but she nodded slightly. Pearl tried to smile in a way she hoped was reassuring. “Alright.”

Gently she took her hand away from Lapis’s cheek and moved it to her hand, squeezing it coaxingly. Lapis exhaled shakily.

“I-I was at school. I had gone back for something and J-Jasper.”

“Jasper. Your…ex. What-“

“She trapped me.”

Pearl felt her stomach drop. “Trapped you…how? What did she do to you Lapis?” Pearl asked, her voice barely a whisper.

Lapis hung her head, clasping her arms against her chest. “S-She wanted me.”

“What-“

“She tried to rape me.” Lapis said suddenly, looking at Pearl for the first time. Her dark blue eyes shone, rimmed with dark circles and smudged eyeliner, shining with tears. Pearl had to fight to not cry herself.

“Lapis…I-I don’t know what to do.”

Lapis stared at her for a long moment. “Could you…just be here? I can’t be alone.” Lapis said, desperation creeping into her voice.

Pearl nodded instantly. After a second of hesitation Pearl wrapped her arms tightly around the other girl, pressing her tight to her chest. Lapis exhaled softly.

Pearl felt her own arms shaking, and held Lapis tighter. She was just so little. So breakable.

Inside Pearl felt her chest harden. If this…Jasper wanted Lapis, it would be through her.

Finally, after a little while Lapis stopped shaking, and tugged herself from Pearl’s grasp. Pearl let go reluctantly.

Lapis scooted away from her, hanging her head so her eyes were hidden by her bangs.  Lapis was probably embarrassed. That was why she was acting this way.

Pearl shifted uncomfortably, not sure what to do.

She sighed. “What if we went and got you cleaned up, all right? Then I can make some tea or something else you’d like.”

Pearl reached out, squeezing her hand. “Would that be okay?”

Lapis was still for a very long moment, but then she quickly nodded.

Pearl smiled. “Great.”

She stood slowly, careful to not hurt her ankle again. Lapis followed, and Pearl smiled a little bit when she didn’t let go of Pearl’s hand.

Pearl led the way up the stairs, trying very hard to hide her limp, not wanting to attract sympathy to herself at the moment. But Lapis gasped, and Pearl knew she had seen.

“Pearl- your ankle, you’re hurt. I-I completely forgot…I’m such an idiot. You should be in bed, not traipsing around with me.”

Pearl rolled her eyes. “Please. Whatever you’ve heard, I can promise my mother over exaggerated it by a thousand.”

Lapis’s were still wide, and filled with worry. “Really. I’m fine.” Pearl said softly. “Just a tiny bit sore.”

Lapis nodded, but Pearl could tell she didn’t believe her. Lapis followed her up the stairs, and Pearl silently appreciated the steady hand resting lightly on her back.

                                                                                                                  -:-

They sat on the floor of Pearl’s bathroom, tile pressing cool into Lapis’s skin.

Pearl’s eyes, beautiful cerulean eyes, studied her face worriedly. Watching her. The force of that gaze made Lapis want to look away.

Yet still, she didn’t.

Wincing at the coolness, Lapis wiped the washcloth that Pearl had given her across her face. There were a few tender spots across her cheeks, and Lapis knew it was likely bruises that would soon appear.

Finally she finished, the washcloth covered in black smudges that were the remains of her ruined makeup. Pearl gently took the rag from her still hands, putting it to the side.

Lapis felt weak and pale and sick. Pearl staring at her, worrying at her, it made her feel bare, exposed.

They sat there, both silent.

“Stop it.”

Pearl blinked, as if snapping out of some kind of trance. “W-What-“

“Looking at me like that.”

“Like how?” Pearl asked, tone surprised.

Lapis ran a finger along the cold floor, tracing the tile. “Like you care about me.”

Pearl frowned instantly.

“I do care about you Lapis. I’m worried, and I’m scared for you. I-I want to help you Lapis….but I’m afraid that I don’t know how.” she spoke, her voice falling to a whisper.

Lapis felt naked in her desperate gaze. She wanted to answer Pearl, but her eyes can’t keep from focusing on tiny details, the way Pearl bites her lip, the way the floor is eating through her jeans, or how Pearl’s hair curls perfectly against her long slim neck.

Lapis suddenly finds it very difficult to breathe.

“You do.” Lapis said finally, her voice barely above a whisper.

Pearl stared at her for a long time before she said anything. “Your hair.”

Lapis blinked, a bit taken aback. “What?”

Pearl cleared her throat awkwardly. “Uh-your hair, it’s just very tangled.”

Lapis shrugged, not caring one way or another. Pearl rolled her eyes. “Hey. I’ll fix it.”

She grabbed a hairbrush from the counter and gestured for Lapis to turn.

Lapis just stared at her incredulously. “What are-“

“Come on. Move.” Pearl said, smiling a little.

Lapis rolled her eyes, but she moved, turning her back towards Pearl. Pearl laughed a little at her grumpy attitude, and the sound made Lapis feel jitters through her spine.

She winced a little as Pearl began to tug at her hair. She was right, it was tangled. She allowed herself to be tugged closer to Pearl as she worked at her hair.

There was nothing but silence. When she exhaled, it seemed to echo through the room.

                                                                                                                         -:-

  
They were both silent going into Pearl’s room. Lapis seemed to have nothing to say, and Pearl still had no idea what to say.

“You can sit on my bed.” Pearl said suddenly.

Lapis glanced up from her feet. Pearl felt her cheeks warm under Lapis’s gaze, which was ridiculous.

“I-ah mean, if you’d like.” she added lamely, gesturing vaguely to her bed.

Lapis looked at her for another moment, then she nodded, the corners of her mouth turning up ever so slightly.

She sat down carefully, the bed quilt crinkling under her weight.

Lapis blinked slowly. Suddenly she stood, slipping off the bed and starting to dig through her school bag. She pulled out a brown folder and held it out to Pearl.

“What is that?” Pearl asked curiously.

Lapis sighed. “Your English homework. I knew you wouldn’t want to get behind.” she said softly, a hint of a wry smile tugging at her lips.

Pearl just stared dumbly at the folder, and she’s unable to fathom how, after everything that's happened, Lapis is thinking about homework.

But she knew that it was important to Pearl, and she actually cared.

Pearl took the folder from Lapis, a real smile across her lips. “Thank you Lapis, but…” she trailed off, and shook her head. “Never mind. Thank you.”

Lapis smiled weakly, but it’s still a smile never less. Suddenly Pearl remembered something. “Oh, I almost forgot. Would you want tea? Or something else? I know we have milk, we might have orange juice somewhere too-“

“Tea would be nice. Thank you.” Lapis cut in softly.

Pearl smiled and nodded. “I’ll be right back.”

Lapis shifted on the bed, her eyes wide again. “What about your ankle? Don’t you-“

“Please. Although your worrying is sweet, I am perfectly fine.” Pearl scoffed, rolling her eyes teasingly.

Lapis looked at her for too long, but then shrugged. “All right.”

Pearl smiled and left, carefully shutting the door behind her. The moment the door closed she winced.

If only she actually were perfectly fine. That would truly be wonderful.

Griping the stair railing tightly, she managed to get herself down the stairs quick enough.

She puttered around the kitchen, boiling water and steeping the teabags. Finally she finished, balancing both mugs carefully in her hands. The door to her room opened with a small creak as she opened it, tea mugs balanced precariously in her arms.

“Hey I-“ her voice trailed off, as she saw Lapis’s eyes were closed.

She sighed, setting the mugs down on her nightstand. Lapis had completely fallen asleep, her chest rising and falling with even breaths.

For once her face was relaxed, free of pain. Pearl couldn’t help the fond smile that passed across her face.

Very carefully, so as not to wake her, Pearl lied down beside her.

She lay on her back, staring up at the ceiling, Lapis breathing softly next to her.

Pearl sighed quietly.

She turned her head, looking sideways at the blue-haired girl.

“You know,” she began softly, “I’m so glad that you came to me for help. Not anyone else.” she laughed quietly. “That sounds so selfish, doesn’t it? I don’t know.”

She sighed.

“It’s true though. You make me want to be so selfish. I just wish-I wish I could have you. That’s what I want. More than anything.” Pearl bit her lip.

“A-And I know that can never happen, but you can still come to me for anything. Ever. Because I-“ she stopped herself.

No…that was enough. She was only going to hurt herself more.

She sighed one last time before closing her eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Awkward. 
> 
> This is probably the biggest pile of unnecessary gay angst you never knew you needed; ) This chapter just kinda got out of control. I think it ended up being like 9k? Ugh... 
> 
> I haven't updated in forever, and I'm actually really sorry about that, but on the bright side this chapter is monstrously long so that can make up for it? I'm hoping that once I'm on break I can write a bunch and start updating a lot more often, so we'll see ;) 
> 
> Also, I know this has kinda been a rough month, with all the politics and crap. I have thanksgiving tomorrow with my very homophobic family, so that'll be fun:( But if anyone just wants to talk or anything, if you're bored or lonely or anything else, I'm completely willing to talk about it :) I know holidays can be boring or depressing sometimes, but I'm going to try and do better this year!! Just write it out ; )
> 
> As always, I love all of your super sweet reviews, they really inspire me to keep writing, so thank you <33


	6. Come back...be here, with me

Pearl opened her eyes sleepily.

The clock by her bed read that it was 3:30 in the morning. She groaned, rubbing tiredly at her eyes. It took a moment for her eyes to adjust to the darkness in her room.

There was a slight shuffle by her dresser and she barely managed to bite down a squeal before she realized that the shadowy figure was actually Lapis.

“What-you're leaving?”

Lapis turned, her dark blue eyes glinting in the darkness. She nodded. Pearl stared at her for a moment before slowly slipping out of bed.

“You-you don’t have to, you know. Leave, I mean.” she whispered hesitantly.

Lapis blinked slowly. “I know. But you know I can’t.” she whispered. “If your parents find me in here they’ll be upset. And I don’t want to get you in trouble.”

Her eyes were darker than the darkness filling the entire room. They stared at each other for a long moment, then Pearl sighed. “Okay. Just go downstairs and out the backdoor. It’ll lock behind itself.  Just watch the fifth step- it creaks.”

Lapis nodded and turned to leave. But Pearl was quick and grabbed her wrist.

Like lighting, Lapis whirled around, her eyes glinting in the doorway.

“Wait-I…” Pearl trailed off, not knowing what to say with Lapis watching her like that.

Suddenly, entirely on impulse, she kissed Lapis’s cheek lightly. “You’re not alone Lapis. I promise.” she whispered.

Lapis's eyes, her whole body, it looked like stone, but Pearl could feel her trembling under her touch. Lapis gave her a tiny nod before slipping into the inky black hallway.

It was better than nothing.

Pearl stood there for another few minutes, till she heard the faint creak of the backdoor opening. Pearl let out a breath she hadn’t been aware she had been holding.

Slowly she went back to bed, but found she couldn’t sleep at all for the rest of the night.

                                                                                                                    -:-

It seemed as though winter had appeared overnight, the air turning freezing cold. The whole town seemed to be stuck in some kind of winter spell, the coats and scarves and hats materializing like clockwork.

Although interesting, none of this improved Pearl’s mood in the least. The next week was entirely slow and boring and bad.

Pearl’s mother refused to let her go to school for the entire week, and by the weekend Pearl was almost considering trying to climb out her bedroom window. If her room hadn’t been located on the second floor she probably would have.

But instead she stayed in her room, reading and playing her violin. She felt like a shell, just a bored, empty husk of herself.

There was no word from Lapis. None at all.

When her mother went grocery shopping she had snuck downstairs and called Lapis, but no one answered. It had left her feeling sick with worry and more frustrated than ever.

She had no way of knowing if Lapis was all right, or even alive, and it was making feel sick inside.

The only reason that she felt this way was because Lapis was her friend. And that was what friends did. They cared about each other.

Pearl tapped the end of her pencil against her desk absently. She sat at her desk, staring blankly out the window.

The wind blew, causing the tree branches outside to rap against the window glass.

Her mother had said she could go back to school tomorrow, which meant all she had to do was get through this last Sunday afternoon and then she would go find Lapis.

What she would do when she found her, Pearl was unsure, she just had to find her. Make sure she was okay.

The way Lapis had looked, the way she cried… Pearl had to make sure she was all right. She hadn’t ever even imagined that someone like Lapis could cry.

Her pencil rapped against the tabletop in perfect rhythm.

_Tap. Tap._

Soon she would leave. Then she would know if Lapis was all right.

_Tap. Tap._

She would be. She had to be.

The wind howled outside.

                                                                                                                         -:-

School, after so many days away, seemed alien. It felt as though everyone was staring at her, their voices screaming loud. She got through the morning without talking to anyone, sitting in the back and keeping her head ducked.

It was tiring. _People_ were tiring.

She had glanced through the hallways several times, but she didn’t see any flashes of blue. No Lapis.

She had however, almost ran smack into Rose more than once.  Quick as lighting, she had managed to dart away every time so far, but it was only a matter of time.

It figured that the only person she could find was the one that she wanted to talk to the least.

The bell rang for lunch, and Pearl sighed, picking up her bag. Things continued on no matter what.

                                                                                                                      -:-

As soon as she sat down in the cafeteria Pearl let out a frustrated groan, burying her head in her hands.

It hardly mattered if anyone heard her, the roar of people in the room would muffle a sonic blast.  Or at least that’s what she would have assumed.

But then someone sat down with a plop in front of her, stupid grin smeared on their face.

Amethyst.

“Hello Amethyst.” Pearl said wearily.

Amethyst frowned. “Well, don’t get too excited now.”

Pearl sighed tiredly. “I’m sorry Amethyst. Everything’s just getting on my nerves today. I forgot how…loud everything is.”

Amethyst shrugged. “I gotcha. But you’re feelin’ better now though, right?” Pearl smiled weakly and nodded. “Yes, thank you. Still a little tired though.”

Pearl cleared her throat awkwardly.

“So…you haven’t seen Lapis around today, have you?” she asked, trying very hard to seem uninterested.

Amethyst looked a bit surprised, and arched an eyebrow. “Uh, I don’t think so. Haven’t seen her in while actually. Why you wanna know?”

Pearl blinked.

She really should have thought up an excuse before she started this conversation.

“We’ve…got a project. It’s, uh due soon. Just wanted to ask her about it.” Pearl said, trying to sound casual. The look Amethyst gave her told her that she had failed utterly.

“Yeah. Alright.” Amethyst said with an eye roll.

They sat in silence for a moment. Amethyst staring hard at her. Pearl shifted uncomfortably under her purple gaze.

Amethyst finally groaned. “P- when are you gonna tell me what’s up with you! You’re acting weird and shit all the time now! What’s up with you and Lapis?”

Pearl bit her lip, hesitating. Finally she sighed. “It’s-it’s just so complicated.”

Amethyst shrugged, sitting back in the plastic lunchroom chair. “I got calculus next period. I got time.”

Pearl rolled her eyes. “You know, you really shouldn’t blow off classes so casually Amethyst. School is a important part of your future and-“

“Don’t start changing the subject. Start talking.”

Pearl shut her eyes. “I kissed her.” she said in a tiny voice.

Amethyst stared at her for a long moment, her eyes wide. “Really?” she said in a loud sort of whisper.

Pearl’s eyes were fixed on the dirty lunchroom table, but she nodded.

“Wow.”

Pearl wished Amethyst hadn’t sounded so…surprised. “It’s just complicated…really complicated.”

Amethyst still hadn’t said anything. Pearl looked up to see Amethyst’s purple eyes fixed on her. “So…what’s Lapis think about all of this?”

Pearl flushed. “Uh…I, um…”

Amethyst smirked. “Yeah. Thought so.”

They sat there, Pearl silent, far too embarrassed to say anything. Finally Amethyst grunted, sitting up in her seat. “So…you can’t find Lapis. You worried about her, or what?”

Pearl flicked at her sandwich tiredly. “Yeah. I haven’t seen her in almost a week. She…hasn’t been answering any of my calls.”

Amethyst groaned. “Please don’t tell me you kept calling her.”

Pearl stared down at her sandwich.

Amethyst groaned again.

“ _Pearl_.”

“I was worried okay!” Pearl picked at the corner of her sandwich, trying to decide if the crust actually had mold growing on it.

With an eye roll Amethyst flipped her mane of hair over her shoulders, pulling it into a messy ponytail. “After this I’m teachin' you how to flirt not like a dork.”

“Hey!”

“Just saying P. Hey, you gonna ever eat that sandwich?”

Pearl shrugged, and pushed her plate over to Amethyst’s side of the table. “I’m half certain this lunchroom breaks at least three health code rules daily.” Pearl said with a sniff.

Amethyst shrugged carelessly, taking a massive bite out of the sandwich. “You’re just a neat freak P.” She said through a mouthful of food.

Pearl rolled her eyes. “There is literally mold on that bread Amethyst. _Green_ mold.”

Amethyst laughed through her sandwich. “Don’t worry ‘bout Lapis. That girl’s tough. And trust me, she’s not worth the time it takes bein’ sad ‘bout her.”

Amethyst shrugged when Pearl scowled at her. “Just being honest here. And also-“ she paused to take another bite from the sandwich, “Before you try and ever try to be sexy- just stop and let me help you. The world is begging you Pearl. Never try to be sexy.”

 

Amethyst ducked, barely dodging the spoon that Pearl chunked at her head.

                                                                                                                     -:-

  
English was one of Pearl’s favorite subjects, but she had never enjoyed it less.

She sat down at her desk, the seat absent beside her. It was ridiculous that an empty chair made her want to choke. She exhaled slowly.

Suddenly someone spoke.

“Ms. Pearl, I’m glad to see you’re feeling better.” Her English teacher smiled kindly, but Pearl was not in the mood for it.

Pearl forced a tight smile. “Yes, I am too.”

He nodded.

_Why wasn’t he going away?_

 

Pearl’s smile tightened.

“I hope you got the homework assignments that I sent you. I gave them to your partner, Ms Coren?” He shook his head. “I’ve been hearing that she’s not the most…reliable student.”

“I got them. Lapis was quite reliable, thank you.” Pearl said with the most venom that she dared.

Apparently she dared to add quite a bit, because her teacher looked rather taken aback. Pearl was surprised to discover that she didn’t care.

Pearl straightened in her seat and opened her English textbook. Her teacher nodded awkwardly, before leaving her alone.

As soon as he had moved out of earshot she let out a tiny groan. Now if everyone would simply leave her alone for the rest of the period she might manage to survive till the day was over.

Sadly the universe was not on her side.

As more of the students entered into the classroom she heard her teacher saying something to one of the other girls.

“-and you can sit over there, see that girl with the short hair, yes that one.”

She wanted to slowly scream herself into oblivion. But, of course that would’ve been publicly inappropriate, and so she merely stiffened her back, forced a smile and bit the inside of her cheek as hard as she could.

The girl walked over to Pearl’s corner, trying to hide her obvious distaste for Pearl. She was somewhat familiar to Pearl, but they had never really spoken all that much.

Sitting down carefully next to Pearl, the girl offered a smile that was anything but accepting.

Now Pearl remembered.  This girl was a cheerleader and dated one of the rich country club boys who played on the football team. She was known for being pretty and popular, and also not that nice.

Pearl frowned.

Her name was Margret, or maybe it was Emma. Something like that.

She and Rose had had a run in or two over the years. Rose was naturally kind to people…this girl was not.

Pearl wanted to ram her own head into the wall. Or maybe just leave the stupid English class and the entire stupid school and go look for Lapis.

“Whatever happened to that other partner you had?”

Pearl blinked, glancing over at the girl beside her. “Excuse me?” Pearl asked.

The girl, whatever her name was, rolled her eyes. “You know. The weirdo with the blue hair. Her. I heard she hasn’t been coming to school.”

Pearl frowned. “Really.” she answered, not interested in talking with this girl in the least.

The other girl, Pearl was almost certain now that her name was Margret, didn’t seem to catch the hint, continuing to plow on.

“You know, I’ve just felt so sorry for you these past few weeks, having to deal with such an awful girl for a partner. I mean, have you ever seen someone so trashy in your life?”

Pearl bit the inside of her cheek so hard she was certain that she could taste blood.

Margret leaned closer, smirking slightly.

_Oh no._

“I heard the real reason she hasn’t been at school is because she’s been hooking up with one of the guys off the football team. They got caught doing it in the locker last week. Who knows, she might even be pregnant, the little slut.”

Margret laughed to herself. “She deserves it, the bitch.”

She didn’t notice the way Pearl had stiffened, or just how red Pearl’s cheeks had flushed. She also failed to notice Pearl’s fists ball up through the entire conversation.

She did, however, notice when Pearl’s fist hit her flat in the face.

Pearl exhaled deeply, air she hadn’t fully realized that had been inside her. Margret had let out an unearthly scream and the entire class was in an uproar.

There was blood on the girl’s lips, apparently Pearl had hit her fairly hard.

Pearl sniffed, then sat back down in her seat.

The teacher was desperately trying to regain order, but failing miserably at doing so. Margret was now surrounded by her pack of girlfriends and pointing and shrieking something incoherent.

Pearl ignored her entirely.

Everyone in the room was either shrieking, yelling, or utterly confused. Finally the teacher, who honestly looked like her was on the verge of passing out, clapped his hands together loudly, and practically begged for everyone to sit back in their seats.

“ _Please_ Ms Margret. Enough. Now, what happened?”

Margret stood up out of the swarms of her tittering girlfriends, clutching a handkerchief to her lip. “I was simply asking her,” she pointed accusingly towards Pearl, “a question about the lesson and she hit me in the face!”

The room immediately broke into an uproar. Pearl rolled her eyes.

The teacher rubbed his eyes tiredly. Pearl found that she didn’t feel the least bit sorry for him.

“Alright alright everyone. Enough.” he sighed. “Ms Pearl, did you hit Margret?”

Pearl stared at him coldly. “Yes.”

He looked at her in slight disbelief. “Really?”

“Yes sir.”

“Why?” he honestly sounded mystified.

Pearl straightened, and said nothing. It didn’t matter what reasons he came up with, telling the truth would only bring Lapis more attention. So she remained silent.

“I can tell you why.” Margret said suddenly. Pearl glanced at her, arching an eyebrow. Now she was honestly curious what she was going to say.

“She’s disturbed in the head!”

Pearl had to bite her lip hard to keep a snort of laughter from escaping.

She turned to the teacher. “Sir, this girl,” she gestured to Pearl, “is nothing but a _psychopath_.”

The teacher rubbed his eyes. “Ms Margret, perhaps if you could take yourself to the nurse’s office for that lip. And Ms Pearl?”

Pearl looked up. “Yes Sir?”

“Just- go to the principal’s. I-just see what he says. I- I can’t even make sense of this any more.”

Pearl nodded. “Yes Sir.”

She stood, grabbing her bag carefully, ignoring everyone’s eyes on her. Margret looked positively demonic as she passed, but Pearl remained expressionless, her eyes cold. The room was strangely silent behind her, and Pearl knew that everyone was watching her, and now judging her.

 

Well.

 

At least they could spend their time doing that rather than gossip lies about people.

The hallways were almost empty since everyone else was in class. At least that meant that fewer people would know what happened. It hardly mattered though.

Margret was one of the most popular girls in school, and Pearl had provoked her. Soon everyone would probably be thinking that Pearl would be sent away to juvenile delinquent high school, or that she had six toes on one foot.

Whatever.

She ran her fingers across her bag strap, pushing it higher onto her shoulder.

Hitting Margret had been a terrible idea.

But the things she had said about Lapis…they had honestly made Pearl blind with fury.

How dare someone like that just sit there, and make up lies, just lies about someone else. Someone who had been through something terrifying and horrible. So bad it had brought her to breaking down in tears in Pearl’s arms.

Pearl scowled. She exhaled, trying to calm the new wave of anger washing over her.

It just-it just wasn’t fair. Lapis didn’t deserve this. But the worst part of all of this was that, before she cared enough to actually get to know Lapis, she herself would’ve probably believed the rumors and gossip.

The lies.

Tiredly she rubbed her arms, trying to rid them of a sudden chill. She really needed to get a warmer sweater.

It was all so frustrating, all she wanted to do was help Lapis. Yet everything seemed to be made to obstruct her from doing that.

She turned down a different hallway, principal’s office still far.

One thing she couldn’t understand was…why did everything have to be so damn difficult? This wasn’t how it worked for anyone else.

All the teenagers around her, they simply lived their lives, kissing and hooking up with whomever they pleased, together one day and broken up another. They would dance around for a few years, then one day they’d just pick whoever happened to be beside them and marry them.

It was rarely a perfect match, yet it seemed to work just fine. They’d raise children, and tell them stories about romance, and the magic of true love.

But there was a catch, because in all the stories only one love led to happiness. One kind and that was it. Just any kind of love wouldn’t do.

Only the kind of love that they deemed the correct one.

But Pearl couldn’t decide if that was something she could live with.

Because she loved.

Just not in the right way.

Her heels echoed through the hallways, and the sound seemed to whisper to Pearl.

_Alone, all, all alone._

She exhaled and continued on.

                                                                                                                        -:-

  
Water helped.

The feeling of it running across her bare skin was soothing to Lapis. It took Jasper’s touch away. She found herself in the shower too often, but it was the only thing that didn’t hurt.

Water was always something that she had loved.

She exhaled, letting her head fall against the tiled walls. Why did she always have to feel so exhausted with herself now?

Grunting slightly, she shifted so the water could run down the entirety of her back.

She had vague memories of playing in the water as a small child. It had felt magical to her, almost as if the water were alive somehow. Her father would call to her, tell her it was time to leave, and she would always beg for a little longer.

She remembered his smile and the way he laughed, and how he would always give her a few more minutes.

Tiredly she shut her eyes, letting the water cascade over her face.

It was never a good sign when she started to think about her father. Being present was the most important thing. She had to grasp herself into the present.

Stop letting old memories and Jasper and herself suck herself into the past. But every time she tried, she always lost her grip and fell, right back into the mud of the past.

Slowly she took her head out of the stream of water. With a dripping hand she wiped her wet bangs out of her eyes.

She turned off the faucet, the handle squeaking slightly. Lapis stood there for a moment, still, water running and dripping down her body.

Her stomach felt as though it were full of poison in the pit of it. She knew the true now, even though it made her sick.

It didn’t matter if she drowned herself in water, it still wouldn’t wash away the stains across her body. Jasper would still be there, and Lapis would still be broken.

She exhaled, then slowly got out of the shower.

                                                                                                                  -:-

  
“Ms Pearl, could you please sit still?”

Pearl blinked. She was tapping her foot again.

She flushed. “Sorry sir.”

“Yes, of course.” The principal, a huge gruff of a man, who appeared to be in a constant state of complete disorganization, grunted as he dug through his incredibly messy desk. It was truly a wonder he could even see over the thing.

“Uh, sir?” His white eyebrows raised slightly.

“ _Yes_ Ms. Pearl? What?”

“I’m so sorry, but would you like me to help you clean your desk?”

His eyebrows raised higher if that were possible. “Excuse me?” he said huffy. Pearl nodded.

“It’s just that you seem to be in a very great state of disorganization, and can’t seem to find anything efficiently. I would be glad to…” she trailed off at the look on his face.

“Just wanting to be helpful sir.” Pearl said weakly.

He grunted.

With a scowl now on his face, he shoved most of the papers aside, clearing a tiny bit of space on the packed desk. “Now,” he began with a massive clearing of his throat, “your teacher sent you down here because you’ve been witnessed provoking a fight in one of your classes. You hit a girl in the face?”

Pearl stared at him flatly. “Yes sir.”

He looked as though he were hoping she would try to deny it more than that, and sat back in his chair with a scowl.

“Might I ask why?” he said finally, sounding throughly annoyed.

Pearl frowned. “Excuse me sir, but does it matter? You’re just going to decide that it was because her dress was prettier than mine, or that I secretly wanted to steal her boyfriend, no matter what I say.”

He sank lower into his chair, and his scowl grew larger, if that were even possible at that point. His eyes were a piercing blue, and they focused on Pearl with a sharp gaze.  “You’re one of the top students in this school Ms Pearl. I would prefer if you could help me with this situation.”

Pearl shifted uncomfortably in the hard wooden chair. Her foot was begging to start tapping the floorboards again, but she willed herself not to. Pearl knew she couldn’t let him know how much he intimidated her.

She would not appear weak.

So she exhaled, and calmly held his gaze with her own. He looked away finally, and Pearl couldn’t help the rush of pride she felt at that.

“If you can’t give me any reasons, then I’ll have to go through the normal procedure. Which,” he continued, lacing his fingers together, “will include calling your parents to inform them of this, and two days of suspension, which will be on your permanent record.”

Pearl’s mouth hung open. “But sir, please I-“

“This school has a zero tolerance for fighting Ms White. And you knew this. There is nothing I can do.”

Every other time in her life Pearl would have sat down and meekly taken her punishment. But now a flash of burning anger ran through her.

Then suddenly something occurred to her. Her lips tightened into a thin line.

“You want to know why I hit that girl?” she said quietly.

He arched an eyebrow, gesturing for her to continue.  

“It’s just that she was saying some rather nasty things about one of my friends. Lapis Coren. You might know of her mother. Celeste Coren.” Pearl paused, her voice dropping lower. “I’ve heard so many interesting things about Lapis’s mother. Like how much money she’s given to this school. Or just how much influence she has in this town.”

A tiny smile spread across Pearl’s face. “I would hate to find out what she would think when she hears what that girl said about her daughter. It’s very possible that she would even take my side.”

Her principal stared at her, and Pearl was pleased to see the glint of fear in his eyes.

“But still,” Pearl continued on airily, “I’m sure we will both find out. Because I will tell her. About all of it.” Pearl stared at him harshly, crossing her arms.

The threat hung in the air. Pearl just prayed that he would actually believe the threat, and not call her bluff.

But by the line of sweat on his forehead, it seemed he took her at her word.

Finally he sighed loudly, running a hand through his hair. “Well, it seems that we no longer have a problem. You may go.”

Pearl could hardly believe what she was hearing. “And you’re not going to call my parents?” she asked hesitantly.

He glanced up at her. “Why would I do that?” His eyes told her to shut up.

“Right, of course. Yes sir.” She left, and the second the door closed after her she broke into a wide smile.

Maybe she could fix things after all.

                                                                                                             -:-

  
Something Lapis was currently learning was that you never appreciated it when you were happy, but when you were in pain, the pain was all you felt.

That was all she felt right now. Pain.

Noise hurt too. On the second day she had tried turning on the radio, but it had been a horrible mistake. Her head was still pounding.

Cold. She was also cold.

Not in a normal sense, but in a way that meant she could never get herself warm. No matter how many layers she plastered over herself or how high she turned the heat, she was still numb.

But numb was good. Meant that she couldn’t feel all the pain. Numbness meant that she couldn’t feel the memories of Jasper’s hands.

Hands that roamed across her body as she slept, through her dreams.

It was like having a spider crawl across her body day and night, only she was being to suspect that she would have preferred the spider.

She sighed, and the sound echoed, far too loudly. It didn’t matter. She didn’t matter.

Nothing mattered. Not anymore.

Slowly she took the cigarette away from her lips, letting out a drag of smoke. She wanted to take the feeling away.

That’s all. But even the high of drugs wouldn’t do that.

Wetness fell from her eyes, but she didn’t bother to wipe it away.

It didn’t matter anyway, no one was here to watch her cry. Besides, she had already cried floods, a few more tears wouldn’t make her any more pathetic than she already was.

She took another drag from the cigarette.

                                                                                                                         -:-

  
Bells rang, and the huge flurry of people trying to leave the building vaguely reminded Pearl of rats fleeing from a sinking ship.

But unlike every other person at school, Pearl was going the opposite way, back into the building.

She entered the school’s very small library, the door creaking loudly behind her. The entire place was empty, except for the one extremely old librarian sitting behind the front desk.

He looked to be asleep, but Pearl was never sure.

She really hoped he was asleep.

Her heels clicked against the wooden floor boards, and her every breath seemed to echo through the room. Trying to be as quiet as possible she carefully pulled out a chair, but the feet scraped loudly across the floor.

The librarian suddenly sat bolt upright, blinking wearily. He slowly turned to Pearl, who stood frozen, her cheeks bright red.

“-No talking…” He mumbled, before slouching back down in his seat.

Pearl bit her lip. It was still better than her house.

With a careful sigh she sat, opening her calculus textbook, flipping through it idly. She needed to study. Calculus was very important. But she kept going back to the thing that had been on her mind for the past week.

Lapis.

She sighed, rubbing her eyes tiredly.

It wasn’t good that Lapis was gone. It wasn’t good that Amethyst hadn’t seen her in a week. True, it was very possible that Lapis just hadn’t gone to school in a while.

Pearl sighed. That wasn’t true, and she knew it.

Lapis just had to be okay.

If Lapis wasn’t going to answer her calls or come to school, then Pearl would have to go and look for her.

Pearl bit her lip.

Amethyst would say that she was being clingy and creepy. But Amethyst didn’t know Lapis. She hadn’t seen how Lapis had cried, how Lapis had looked so devastatingly broken.

Pearl tapped her finger nervously against the tabletop. She stopped when the ancient librarian’s eyes fluttered. Whoops.

But luckily he simply muttered something incoherent, then went back into a deep sleep. Pearl exhaled.

The words on her calculus book blurred in front of her.

She frowned. Enough. She wasn’t going to get anything done like this. She had to go find Lapis. Then once she knew that she was fine, it was back to studying.

Yes, that would work.

Resolved, she stood, slamming her book closed and stuffing it into her school bag. Her chair screeched horribly as she got up, but she found she didn’t care.

The librarian scowled at her as she left, but she ignored him. He shouldn’t have been sleeping in there anyway.

The library doors closed behind her with a thunk.

                                                                                                                          -:-

The walk to Lapis’s house wasn’t a fun one by any standard.

The temperature had only seemed to drop even more than earlier, and the wind blew hard against Pearl’s face the entire time. Even the sun was gone, disappearing behind a sheet of gray clouds.

Pearl walked quickly, but it still seemed to take forever to reach the imposing dark house. Standing in front of it, Pearl realized that the last time she had been here it had been in the pouring rain.

Rubbing her arms against the cold, Pearl stood to get a better look at the house itself. She honestly hadn’t realized how…big it was. Big and imposing, but still beautiful in a elegant kind of way.

The grass was thick and dark, and a porch framed the front, wrapping around the sides of the house. Now she had some idea of why everyone in the town seemed to be so terrified of Lapis’s mother.

But from the little that Lapis had told her about her mother, she wasn't around very often. Pearl desperately hoped that she wouldn’t happen to be home that day.

Gathering her nerves, she walked up to the front door. She rang the doorbell.

There was nothing but silence.

After a moment she bit her lip. Against her better judgement, she rang it again. Still nothing.

Should she leave?

Pearl blinked. She couldn’t.

Maybe she was crazy, (honestly she probably was) but she had to see Lapis. Lapis couldn’t just hide herself away from Pearl. Pearl wouldn’t let her do that.

She wrapped her jacket tighter around herself. Slowly, she tried the door handle. She felt her stomach drop as the door clicked itself open.

The front door wasn’t locked. After a second, she glanced around herself. No one was watching.

Slowly she slipped inside, shutting the door silently behind her.

                                                                                                                        -:-

  
Inside the house it was very dark, most of the lights being off. Still, it was enough to see around inside.

The front room was a sort of parlor sitting room place, where Pearl had been before. The rest of the house was a mystery.

Pearl bit her lip, then started to creep through the house.

She carefully went through the first floor of the house, but found nothing but empty rooms filled with fancy furniture. She was just considering if she should try going upstairs when she noticed a door off to the side of the hall she was in.

Poking her head through the doorway she discovered that it was the kitchen.

She sighed, and went into the room.

Maybe she was crazy. This was crazy.

If anyone caught her right now, it would certainly count as breaking and entering. She was technically a criminal.

Pearl exhaled. Well, too late now.

She stood in the kitchen, unsure of what to do. Suddenly it occurred to her that Lapis might not even be home at all.

Pearl groaned.

That was probably why the front door wasn’t locked; Lapis had simply forgotten to lock it properly behind herself. And now Pearl had come charging in to her house.

Stars, she was an idiot.

Out of the corner of her eye she noticed there was a backdoor in the kitchen. Mentally berating herself, Pearl went out that door, closing it behind her with a click.

Looking up, she was surprised to find that she was in a rather huge garden that must have been located behind Lapis’s house. Despite the cold, there were many plants that were still green. Trees were planted accordingly around the edges of the garden, leaving the center filled by dark thick grass.

Despite herself, she was curious.

Slowly she started to walk across the grass, no doubt ruining her shoes in the process.

The garden itself was huge, and rather beautiful despite the season. Pearl couldn’t imagine how it would be in the summer months.

Suddenly she noticed a bench tucked under a willow tree near the edge of the yard. She bit her lip.

A familiar splash of blue shone in the green of the garden. Lapis.

Pearl exhaled, before walking up to her.

Lapis had her back to her, and she hadn’t seen Pearl. As she got closer, Pearl saw her pull something from between her lips, then exhale deeply. She was smoking.

Pearl frowned.  “Lapis?” she said, and her voice sounded so small.

Lapis looked up for the first time, and her eyes, rimmed with circles, widened slightly. “You.” she said in a voice that sounded hoarse from crying.

Pearl nodded slowly. They stood there, silent. Finally Pearl spoke.

“You haven’t answered my calls.”

Lapis looked away. “I haven’t answered anyone’s calls.” she said slowly.

Pearl shut her eyes. “May-may I sit down Lapis?”

Lapis shrugged with a small shift of her shoulders. Hesitantly Pearl sat down on the bench next to Lapis. Pearl noticed that despite the cold weather Lapis was only wearing a thin sweater and leggings.

She wondered how long Lapis had been outside.

They sat there for a while, Pearl unsure what to say. The wind blew, hard and icy, but Lapis didn’t move. Pearl swallowed.

“Lapis…you should go inside. Aren’t you cold or…something?” She hated the way her voice shook.

“I’m here Lapis…please talk to me.” she said, her voice barely a whisper.

Lapis was so still Pearl wasn’t sure if she had heard her. But then Lapis shut her eyes. “Pearl…I don’t have anything to say.”

She opened her eyes and they were shining with wetness.

“I think that I don’t know how to live anymore.” Lapis said hoarsely, her voice small. The hand that had the cigarette held it sort of limply, and slowly it fell to her side.

“Lapis- you do. You have to. This- what happened, I can’t imagine, but please I-“ Pearl stopped, her voice rising into a panic. She swallowed away a sob that was growing in the back of her throat.

Lapis turned to her, and her eyes looked like pools of tragedy. “Pearl, I feel her. I feel her hands all over me all the time. When I’m awake and when I sleep. She-she won’t ever leave.”

Lapis looked away. She looked defeated. Lost and hopeless.

Someone so different than the girl that Pearl knew.

Suddenly a wave of fury ran through Pearl. How a world could do this to someone? How could Lapis just give up?

No.

She was not going to give up.

No.

“Lapis, look at me.” Pearl said, softly but firmly.

Lapis turned to her, eyes careful and far away. “Lapis, listen to me. What Jasper did was terrible. I can’t even imagine. But you can’t give up. You cannot quit. You’ll only be letting her win again. You can’t do that.”

Lapis looked at her sadly, but she didn’t look away. “I-I don’t think I can.” she spoke in a whisper.

Pearl shook her head. “No Lapis. You’re wrong.”

Gently she cupped Lapis’s cheek with her hand. Lapis’s skin felt something like ice. Lapis slowly covered it with her own. “You don’t know. You don’t know how important you are. To so many people. To me.” she whispered.

“When I saw you, you were so strong. So confident. And you still are, even if you don’t feel like it now.”

They were inches away now. Pearl could feel Lapis’s breath against her cheek.

It was warm.

Lapis bit her lip, but her eyes never left Pearl’s. “I-I’ll try. I promise.” Lapis said finally.

Pearl smiled widely. “Thank you.”

Their foreheads leaned against one another’s, and Pearl was happy to see a tiny smile on Lapis’s face. Carefully, she tucked a stray lock of blue hair behind Lapis’s ear, and held out her arms, a silent offer.

After a moment Lapis smiled again and collapsed into her arms. Pearl smiled to herself and tugged Lapis closer.

They sat there for a little while, not saying anything, yet it wasn’t awkward. They still didn’t know what to say, but at the moment Pearl realized that it wasn’t all that important.

After a little while, Lapis shivered.

Pearl immediately looked down at her. “Good grief, you must be freezing out here. We need to get you inside.” she said, rubbing Lapis’s shoulders a little.

Lapis rolled her eyes. “Pearl I’m all right.” she muttered, but she didn’t protest at all when Pearl led her inside.

Lapis flicked on the lights inside the house, murmuring something about liking it dark.

Lapis would shiver only every so often, but Pearl still knew her skin felt like ice.

“Do you want me to get you a sweater? Or I could make you some tea?” Pearl asked, concerned.

Lapis turned back to her, surprised. She didn’t answer, just slipped over to where Pearl stood watching her worriedly. “I don’t understand.” Lapis whispered.

Pearl bit her lip. “Well, you’ve been outside without proper clothing for so long and you felt very cold and I just-“

“No.” Lapis murmured, cutting her off. “Why…why do you keep helping me? How are you so kind to me?” Lapis said softly, her blue eyes piercing.

Pearl stared at her for too long, a million thoughts rushing through her mind all at once.

About the way Lapis was staring at her. How Lapis’s hair shone in the light. How she had never thought that she would get a ending but now she wants Lapis to be hers, and she has no appropriate way to form that thought into words.

 

So she just sighed.

 

“Because…we’re friends Lapis. And I care about you.”

The lie stung her throat. But she promised herself that some day she wouldn’t lie anymore.

Lapis nodded, taking her lie of an answer perfectly. Pearl’s eyes watched her. Did she know that it was a lie? That Pearl was lying? If she did, her eyes told nothing.

“Tea would be nice. Thank you.” Lapis said softly.

Pearl smiled, because if nothing else, she did know how to make tea.

She made tea for the both of them, and they sat at the marble-toped island in the kitchen and just talked. Lapis asked about her leg, and Pearl was glad to be able to tell her honestly that it was gone and done with.

The change was slow and faint, but Pearl was overjoyed to see the light returning to Lapis’s eyes. She couldn’t say, but that was so important to her.

Pearl watched her take another sip of tea. Lapis’s shivers had faded as much as she could tell.

Lapis felt Pearl’s eyes on her and glanced up.  “Am I slurping?” Lapis asked.

Pearl flushed. “Oh no, you’re fine. I just-“ she stopped.

Lapis stared at her softly. “What Pearl?” she asked softly.

They stared at each other, and then Pearl knew.

Lapis knew.

They could both feel it. Lapis reached out to gently touch her cheek. Her hand was soft.

Pearl shut her eyes, leaning into Lapis’s gentle touch. Her hand brushed Pearl’s hair, resting on the back of her neck.

“You don’t finish many sentences, do you?” Lapis murmured, almost to herself.

Pearl laughed breathlessly. “You have no idea.”

 

Lapis nodded, her eyes far away.

 

Pearl bit her lip. “I- I’m sorry but I need to get home. My mother will have a heart attack if I’m not.”

Lapis nodded again. “I had a feeling you would.”

Her voice wasn’t as much disappointed, as simply flat.

Pearl couldn’t leave.

 

Not like this.

 

Suddenly, she reached out and hugged Lapis. She could feel Lapis’s surprise, but she didn’t mind.

“You’re so important to me Lapis. Please, I really mean that.” She murmured into Lapis's shoulder.  She felt Lapis stiffen, but then Lapis hugged her back, and Pearl knew that everything was all right.

                                                                                                                          -:-

Lapis walked her to the door, and Pearl found herself lingering in the doorway. She didn’t want to leave. Lapis didn’t either.

She could tell by the way Lapis was staring at her.

Pearl swallowed, her throat suddenly violently dry. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

It was a question. What was Lapis going to do.

Pearl shifted awkwardly, as Lapis didn’t answer. But then she finally nodded. “I’ll see you then.”

Slowly Pearl smiled at her, wanting to say so much, yet not being able to say any of it. Lapis’s hair blew in the wind, her eyes dark, yet beautiful.

Finally Pearl managed to pull herself away, waving once to Lapis for good measure. Lapis laughed softly, and that made it worth it.

She started home with more things to worry about than when she had arrived.  But at least now she didn’t have to worry about the most important thing.

 

 

She didn’t notice the massive figure watching her leave Lapis’s house, or the way they scowled after her into the fading light of the afternoon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whew. I just wanna say a few things, one of which is that you guys are awesome. All of your comments are so kind and they really mean a lot to me, so thank you :)  
> I had a bunch of fun writing this chapter, finally a sort of happy ending. Just in time for the holidays too;) 
> 
> Also I'm kinda curious, have any of you figured out who Lapis's mother is yet? It feels really obvious to me, but that could just be because i know what's going to happen;D Just a hint, she's a canon gem from the show. I wanna know what you think;)
> 
> I also made a pinterest board for this fic just for fun, so you can check that out here: 
> 
> https://www.pinterest.com/alexandriaellsw/1968/
> 
> And finally, I hope all of you have a fun, nice holidays, whatever you celebrate, just that it's fun and that all of you are happy. Because being happy is really awesome, and I think all of you deserve to be happy<3


	7. Kisses and tears are delightful together

Lapis stared at herself in the mirror. Dark eyes peered back at her.

She frowned. With a sigh, she smeared concealer over the gray circles rimming the bottoms of her eyelids.  Slowly, she squinted at herself.  At least now she looked slightly less demonic.  

She knew it was time to leave for school, yet she felt herself lingering.  With a start, she realized that this was the first time she had managed to put on makeup in over a week. 

Slowly, she smiled.  It may have been nothing more than a tiny victory, but it was a victory never less. 

She felt a new burst of strength, and with new vigor, grabbed her jacket off the back of the doorframe.  Returning back to her old self didn’t seem to be as impossible anymore. 

She grinned to herself, and locked the door behind her.

 

                                                                                                                  -:-

 

Pearl lingered in the school hallway, shuffling random things around in her locker.  It was embarrassing, but she couldn’t help herself from wanting to wait around and make sure that Lapis would actually show up.  She really hoped she would.

Carefully, she leaned over, grabbing a pencil that had somehow rolled onto the bottom of her locker.  Around her in the hallway people were whooping and chattering loudly.  It was all rather obnoxious. 

Pearl wrinkled her nose. 

“Hallway stinks, doesn’t it?” 

Pearl jumped, dropping the pencil in her hand.  Lapis smiled shyly back at her.  Pearl couldn’t stop the huge smile that spread across her face.  “Lapis! You- it’s great to see you.”  Pearl said, blushing faintly. 

Lapis nodded slightly.  “Yeah. Same.” she murmured quietly.  

Lapis shuffled her boot against the tiled floor.  “Never thought I’d be glad to be at school.” She said, shaking her head to herself. 

Pearl rolled her eyes.  “You mean, calculus doesn’t naturally set your soul on fire?”  Lapis laughed, and the sound made Pearl’s cheeks flush against her will. 

“Believe it or not, Calculus does not set my soul on fire.” Lapis answered, smirking slightly.

Pearl covered her mouth in mock surprise.  “Really? Are you serious?”  They both giggled. 

Lapis leaned against the locker, crossing her arms.  “So, anything interesting happen while I was gone?” she asked curiously.  Pearl shrugged.  “Oh, I don’t think so.  Nothing that you’d find interesting.” she said lightly. 

 

“Wow. I didn’t think I’d have to look at _you_ anymore.” 

 

Pearl froze.  _Oh no._  

Margret stood behind her, two of her girlfriends at her side. Her arms were crossed, a cruel gleam in her eyes. “I’m honestly just shocked you didn’t get suspended.” she continued, voice icy. 

Pearl glared at her. “Sorry to get your hopes up.” she answered coolly, praying Lapis could take the hint and not say anything. 

But no. 

“What are you talking about?” Lapis asked, leaning into the conversation, and Pearl bit down onto her cheek hard.  

Margret blinked stupidly at the question, apparently not noticing Lapis standing there. But she quickly recovered. “You mean, your nasty friend here,” at this point pointedly glaring at Pearl, “didn’t tell you?” she rolled her eyes.  “What am I saying? Of course she didn’t.”

Margret laughed to herself, her friends smirking as well. Pearl felt vaguely ill. 

“She’s a complete psychopath.  I- uh was just talking to her in our English class and something made her furious, and out of nowhere she just up and hit me in the face!” 

Margret shook her head.  “It’s positively criminal that the school even let her back into the building!”

Lapis hadn’t said a thing throughout all this, her expression blank.  Pearl glanced sideways over at her.  She wished Lapis would look at her. 

Lapis didn’t though. She just kept staring at Margret, expression unreadable. 

Slowly she smirked. “Well, I’m sure she had a good reason.  After all, I’ve only been listening to you talk for a minute and I already want to hit you in the face.” 

Margret’s face flushed as red as a tomato.  

Pearl’s eyes widened, but whatever Lapis was about to do, she was going to stay out of it.  She exhaled, and leaned back against the lockers. 

Lapis shrugged carelessly.  “If I might give you a bit of advice Margret?”  she leaned closer to the girl, and, to her credit, Margret stood her ground, yet still couldn’t keep her fists from shaking. 

Lapis had a dark kind of glint in her eyes, yet Pearl could tell that it wasn’t the raw fury she had seen in Lapis before.  This was more…amusement.  Pearl bit back a smile.  Lapis was messing with them.  It was a shame that the girls couldn’t tell that Lapis was just teasing. 

Lapis smiled.  “I wouldn’t go telling that story anymore.” 

“A-and why shouldn’t I? Don’t you think people deserve the truth-“

“Oh they do.” Lapis said smoothly cutting her off.  “But this doesn’t have anything to do with the truth.” She fixed Margret with her eyes.  “Now, I’ll be clear.  If you don’t shut up, then you’ll have to deal with me.”  Her eyes were serious, and poor Margret looked as though she might pass out. 

Pearl couldn’t help but find the whole situation rather entertaining. 

Lapis shrugged carelessly, leaning back against the lockers.

  “And just so you know,”  her voice dropping dramatically at this point, “I’m a lot scarier than Pearl is.” 

Now Margret and both her girlfriends were practically shaking in their heels.  Face red and purple somehow at the same time, Margret nodded slowly.   “Got it.” she muttered. 

Casting another positively evil glare in Pearl’s direction, she and her friends shuffled off down the hall, leaving Pearl and Lapis relatively alone.

Pearl let out a sigh.  She turned around, coming face to face with Lapis.  

Her eyes widened, and she swallowed quickly.

Lapis arched an eyebrow.  “So…nothing that I’d find interesting, right?” 

Now Pearl was the one flushing.   “Uh…”

Lapis rolled her eyes. “Tell me.” 

Pearl shook her head, glancing around them.  “Not here.  And besides, I have to get to class anyway.” 

Lapis smirked.  “You’re not gonna miss anything.” And with that, she grabbed Pearl’s hand, and like lighting, yanked Pearl into a tiny little janitor’s closet at the end of a hallway. 

There was only one faint yellow lightbulb for the tiny space, and Lapis’s pale skin glowed in its glare. 

“Now, what’s going on with you?”  Lapis’s brow furrowed with concern.   “You didn’t actually hit her, did you?” 

Pearl looked down at the floor.  Lapis’s eyes widened.  “You did? Why?” she asked incredulously. 

Pearl shrugged, still not meeting Lapis’s eyes.  “It’s not important.”  

Lapis frowned.  “Yes, it is.” Lapis insisted.

 “What did she say Pearl?” Lapis said softly. 

Pearl blinked quickly, trying to keep the wetness from leaking out of her eyes.  “It- I just-“ Pearl stopped. 

Lapis was looking at her pleadingly, and Pearl knew that she couldn’t keep it from her. 

“Margret was saying all these….horrible horrible things about you. And I just-“ she stopped again.  Lapis was looking at her with eyes that were too emotionless, and too full of emotion at the same time. It made Pearl want to run, far far away. 

Yet they were in a broom closet, and there was absolutely nowhere to run from Lapis. 

Lapis bit her lip, almost as if she weren’t sure what she should say.  Finally she spoke.  “Pearl…that’s so sweet. But I don’t want you getting in trouble for me.  It’s just not worth it.” 

Pearl exhaled breathlessly.  “You didn’t here what she was saying. It-it was disgusting.” Pearl scowled.  “And it was all a mess of lying.”

Lapis smiled half-heartedly. “I’m sure.  I’ve heard what they and think behind my back.  It was hard, but I’m finally in a place where I don’t have to care about it anymore.”

Hesitantly, she squeezed Pearl’s hand.  “You shouldn’t either.  I don’t care what they think about me.”  Lapis smiled to herself.  “I care more about you, and what you think, then anything they say.”

Pearl turned away, hanging her head. Lapis’s eyes glinted with concern.  “What- did I say something wrong Pearl?”

Pearl sniffled, and this time she couldn’t keep the tears inside her eyes.  “Pearl?” Lapis voice was highlighted with worry, and the sound of it made Pearl’s stomach turn.  

Finally she managed to raise her eyes to meet Lapis’s.  She sighed, wiping away her tears.  “It’s just- it wasn’t long ago when I would’ve believed all those horrible rumors too.  A-and I would’ve sat there, and judged you for it, when none of it was actually true.”

She sniffled again. “It’s all just so stupid and unfair and I can’t stop feeling horrible about it!” she said desperately.  “And you’re just here, and saying all of these nice things about me, but none of them are true!  You haven’t realized how terrible of a person I am yet.” 

Lapis just stared at her.  “Pearl…you’ve been here this entire time with me.  You’ve been there when I felt completely alone.” She shook her head, almost to herself.  “No one has ever made me feel as happy as you. It’s stupid, but you’re probably the closest thing I’ve ever had to a best friend. And I can’t ever thank you for that.”  

Pearl’s eyes watered, and as she locked eyes with Lapis they overflowed. 

Lapis snorted, and suddenly started to laugh.  Soon they were both giggling so hard Pearl wasn’t sure if she were laughing or crying. 

After they had both finally calmed down, Lapis ran a hand through her bangs, still breathing heavily.  

Pearl bit her lip.

Suddenly she was very aware of just how small this closet was. 

Lapis glanced up, and they both seemed to realize the same thing. 

“Pearl, I just-“ Lapis began slowly, but a harsh ringing suddenly cut through her sentence.  The bell. 

“Oh, great. We’ve got to get to class. I’ll see you at English, all right?”  Lapis said quickly. 

Pearl nodded dumbly.  Lapis nodded.  “Don’t punch anyone else today, okay?” Lapis said teasingly, winking.

Pearl smiled faintly.  “Will do.”

Lapis grinned, slipping out of the supply closet, leaving Pearl standing alone in the dimly lit closet. 

Pearl sighed.  Now she had even less of an idea of what to do than she had before, if that were even possible.  

The lightbulb above crackled dangerously.

                                                                                                                             -:-

Pearl found that she never made it to any of her morning classes that day. 

Her head had started pounding with one of the worst headaches that she had had in years, and she desperately wanted to be alone. 

It may have been the first time she had ever skipped class in her life. Something was seriously wrong with her. 

Pearl rubbed her eyes tiredly. Yes, something was definitely wrong.  She had walked around the park for a while, and thankfully it was empty of people, except for one, very old homeless woman on a park bench. 

She had offered a mint, but Pearl had politely declined.  She suspected if she were to put anything inside of her stomach right now, she might possibly throw it up. 

The weather had done its very best to not improve in the slightest, the entire town now covered in a thick wet layer of fog.  Pearl felt damp to her toes. Silently she had never been more grateful for her coat.

She groaned.  This wasn’t helpful in the slightest. What she needed was to talk to someone. 

She checked her watch.  If she hurried, Pearl could make it to catch her.  Now filled with new purpose, she set off vigorously.  

                                                                                                                      -:- 

Lapis was bored. 

Not that being bored was a bad thing, actually it was quite a large improvement from sitting alone at home all day being depressed.  But still. Calculus would only ever be so great. 

After an eternity the bell rang out, and the class emptied like water.  She sighed with relief. 

Entering the hallway, she tried her best to not look completely like a stunned gazelle, but still.  There were so many people, and good grief, they were all so damn loud. She bit her lip. 

Suddenly a wave of dizziness washed over her like a tidal wave.  She had to get out of that hallway.  Now. 

Slipping through the clustered piles of people, she quickly entered the girl’s bathroom.  As the door swung closed behind her, she let out a sigh of relief.  At least it was quiet in here.

Slowly letting her bag slide off of her shoulder onto the bathroom counter, she moved to the mirror.  Despite all the concealer she had slathered on earlier that morning, the deep circles rimming her eyes had returned full force.  Damn, she looked like a demon. 

She sighed tiredly, as she turned on the water faucet with a squeak.  Carefully she cupped her hands under the running water, letting her hands fill with water.  With a small groan she splashed the water on her face. The coolness of the water calmed the dizziness in her eyes, and she almost sighed with relief.  

She shut her eyes.  It was all too much. 

This was a moment that she desperately wished Pearl were here. 

It was silly, and altogether ridiculous, but Pearl had this firm confidence about her.  She would’ve told Lapis to wipe off her face, get herself back together, and then once she had done all that, everything would be fine. A gentle hug and some word of encouragement and then Lapis would’ve felt a million times better. 

It was strange how much of an impact one person could have like that. 

Lapis exhaled, feeling her nerves fade slightly.  She frowned. It was strange how Pearl was acting that morning.  She was probably just stressed about one thing or another. 

Lapis still couldn’t wrap her mind around the concept of Pearl actually hitting someone in the face.  For her, no less.  The idea, if anyone but Pearl had told her, would’ve been ludicrous. 

Lapis probably would’ve laughed.

But Pearl had admitted it, and looked incredibly guilty while she did, so she knew it was very much true. 

Even though Lapis wouldn’t ever blame anyone for hitting an asshole in the face, stars knew she herself had been guilty of that since she was thirteen, she still didn’t like it. 

While it was sweet, she didn’t need Pearl fighting her battles.  And getting in trouble for something like that was so incredibly not worth it.  Not for Lapis. 

Hopefully that would be something that Pearl could understand. 

Lapis smiled a tiny smile to herself.  It was still…sweet.  That someone’s nasty words could get Pearl that upset.

She honestly wasn’t sure if she knew of anyone who would defend Lapis like that. It was silly.  But Lapis couldn’t stop the feeling that appeared in the pit of her stomach when Pearl was around.  It wasn’t something like a flutter; more like a painful ache.

Because as desperately as she had tried, the feelings that she had for Pearl weren’t going anywhere.  If anything, they were growing. 

The way Pearl had been there after the incident with Jasper, how she had held her as she cried ridiculous amounts, and still, after everything, took her side without question. 

She found herself caught, hopelessly in tangled in her feelings for the other girl. 

But there was the matter of Pearl.  Who might not even return her feelings at all. 

Lapis clenched her hands into fists, pressing against the bathroom counter.  

That wasn’t true, and they both knew it.

She could see the way Pearl looked at her, and Pearl could see the way Lapis looked at her.  It was as though they were dancing on some kind of tightrope, just waiting for one of them to break. 

Lapis bit her lip.  She still didn’t know what to do.

Should she say something?  Or should she just remain silent, and let the dance continue on the way it was?  

Lapis traced her thumb against the counter top.  She had a feeling that continuing on in this way, pretending that she didn’t have the feelings that she had, it might kill her. 

She sighed. 

But if that was the price she had to pay to be close to Pearl, then she already knew her decision. 

She shouldered her bag, as the bell let out another loud ring.  Besides, what was the saying?  Only the good die young.  Although anyone who counted Lapis as good, well, they were probably dreadfully misinformed.  

                                                                                                                            -:-

Across town, Pearl’s feet were now aching. 

She really needed to get some flats if she was going to start doing all of this walking around town. 

But still, sore feet aside, it had been worth the long walk to their town’s small community college campus.  She sniffed.  The air was always fresher at the college as well. 

As she walked along the paths that ran their way through the campus, a few people, mostly students, gave her strange looks, but the rest simply ignored her.  She appreciated that. 

She continued on, finally stopping in front of the psychology building.  She checked her watch.  It read 11:30. Good, that meant classes would be getting out any minute.

She stood and waited, shifting a little awkwardly.  After a minute or two, students came trickling out of the building in little groups.  Pearl scanned over the crowd, looking for someone in particular. Finally her eyes landed on the person she was looking for.  She beamed. 

Grabbing her bag strap with one hand, she hurried after them.   Breathless, she finally caught up with her.  “Hey.” she said, breathing heavily.  

Garnet arched an eyebrow behind her darkly tinted glasses. “Pearl.” Garnet said, her voice still calm, yet it had a note of surprise.  “You’re not in school.  Did the building burn down?” she said with a teasing tilt.

Pearl pouted.  “Garnet, come on.  I’m able to play hooky too.” 

Garnet chuckled.  “Well, I suppose there’s a first time for everything.  But I’m sure you came because there’s somethin’ wrong.” 

She stared at Pearl, and she could feel Garnet’s gaze straight through her glasses. 

Pearl flushed.  “It- it’s not a real problem.  I just- I need to talk to someone.” Pearl said awkwardly.  “I mean, it’s fine if you’re busy, it’s not that important-“ 

Garnet cut her off with a pat to her shoulder.  “Pearl. You’re my best friend.” Garnet said calmly. 

Pearl smiled weakly. “Thanks.  Really.” 

Garnet nodded.  “Besides, I need lunch.”

 

Garnet smirked slightly, gesturing for Pearl to follow her.  

                                                                                                                   -:-

 Garnet led the way to the campus’s cafe, which, oddly enough, was located in the library basement. 

Garnet explained that, supposedly, the cafe started as a group of underground poetry readings, where the college students would meet to drink coffee and read poetry.  Over the years they had added more sandwiches and less poetry. 

The space was surprisingly big, considering that it was actually a basement.  There were no windows, yet plenty of bright lighting, so it wasn’t all that dark.  The place wasn’t all that full, and Garnet easily found them a table in the back. 

Garnet ordered them both coffee and sandwiches while Pearl picked at a hole in her sweater.  Ugh. She would need to sew that up once she got back home.  She glanced up to see Garnet staring at her. 

She bit her lip. 

Garnet crossed her arms, resting them against the table.  She knew Garnet didn’t even have to say anything to make her start talking. 

Finally she sighed. “I-I’m thinking about telling Lapis how I feel.” Pearl said softly.

Garnet was silent.

“It’s just, I can’t stop thinking about her.  She’s my friend…and I think she might feel the same.”  She exhaled shakily, waiting for a response. Finally Garnet spoke.

“Pearl, that’s wonderful.”  She smiled gently.  “But I know that you wouldn’t be talkin’ to me if there weren’t some kind of problem.” 

Pearl flushed, her eyes falling down to the table.  “You’re right.  I just- I’m scared.” she mumbled, her cheeks heating. 

Garnet smiled.  “Yeah.  But you shouldn't let that stop you.  It’s not just that though, is it?” 

Pearl shook her head.  “That- that’s true.” she tugged at her sweater's sleeves, trying to keep herself from completely balling into herself. 

“If I tell her, then something will happen.  And then everything will change.”  

Garnet took a sip of her coffee.  “What will change?”  Garnet asked finally.  She said it as a sort of open question, she knew the answer, yet still wanted Pearl to say it herself. 

Pearl shut her eyes, trying to collect her thoughts into some kind of organized structure.  “My parents would be furious.  They’d- well they’d probably never let me out of the house alone again.” 

Pearl gripped her coffee cup tighter. “They wouldn’t let me be with Lapis.”

Garnet nodded, agreeing.  “They also don’t want you speaking to me, and you’ve never done that.” 

Pearl blinked.  That was true.  Slowly, a tiny bit of hope, and possibly an idea started to form in the back of Pearl’s mind.  

Garnet smiled, and Pearl was sure she knew what she was thinking. 

“I couldn’t tell them.”

Garnet nodded.  “No, you couldn’t.” 

Pearl frowned.  “But- I’d have to ask Lapis to keep it a secret.  That’s unfair, isn’t it?”

Garnet shrugged.  “Not necessarily.  You just have to ask her.”

Pearl bit her lip. But asking Lapis meant having the entire conversation, and Pearl wasn’t sure if that were something that she could even do.   Garnet patted her hand. 

“You’ll get it.  Just be honest with her.  Don’t lie, or even tell half of it.  If you’re going to tell her, tell everything.” 

Pearl flushed.  “I-I don’t know if I can.  I think I can, and then I get alone- with her, and it- it all falls apart.”  Pearl groaned, letting her head fall against the table.  “I’m a miserable disaster.” she said, mumbling through the table top.

Garnet snorted.  “No, you’re not.  You’re just getting a bit of an awkward start to things.” 

Pearl groaned.  “Ha ha.” 

Garnet chuckled.  “Don’t worry so much. You’ll be fine.”  Garnet took another bite from her sandwich.  “Besides, I think you can do it.” 

Pearl raised her head, smiling weakly.  “Thanks Garnet.” 

Garnet merely shrugged. Pearl smiled and took a sip from her coffee.  She made a face at the taste. Garnet laughed.  “Still hate it?” 

Pearl nodded, putting the cup back onto the table.  “Bleh.” 

Garnet grinned.   Suddenly something else occurred to Pearl.  “Garnet, I wanted to ask you something.  You don’t know anything about a girl named Jasper Marei?  She goes to our school?” 

Garnet stiffened at the mention of Jasper’s name. 

“Why do you want to know?” Garnet asked, her voice steely calm. 

Pearl shrugged. 

“Yeah, I know her.  She’s a very….unique person.   We were on several sports teams together.  She’s very good.”  Garnet took another drink from her coffee, and Pearl recognized her tone as one that meant she was finished with whatever she was saying. 

Pearl frowned, because this was weird.  Garnet didn’t act like this.  “But what about her. Is she a good person?”

Garnet looked at her strangely.  “That’s an odd question.  One that’s filled with personal opinion.” 

“I trust your’s.” Pearl said firmly. 

Garnet sighed.  “Why Pearl?” 

Pearl hung her head.  “If I tell you, then you have to promise to keep it secret.  Please, you can’t tell anyone.” Pearl said softly, glancing around their table to check if anyone was listening. 

Other than some guy in the back corner hunched over a textbook, the place was empty. Garnet nodded with a tilt of her head.  

“Lapis was Jasper’s girlfriend.  Used to be.” 

Garnet slouched back into her chair, and frown growing on her face.  “They broke up?” Garnet asked finally. 

Pearl nodded.  “Lapis-  a few weeks ago, she was at school…she said that Jasper attacked her because Lapis didn’t want to get back together.” Pearl finished, glancing nervously at Garnet.  

Garnet was expressionless.  She was silent for so long, Pearl wasn’t sure if she was even going to answer at all.  But finally, Garnet sighed heavily. 

“The thing is…Jasper.  She’s amazing.  An amazing athlete, the best I’ve ever played with.  And when you’re around her…she’s really fun. Pours charisma like a faucet.  And it’s not an act.  It’s all real.” 

Pearl frowned.  “So what?  You think Lapis is lying?” she said, a defensive edge creeping into her voice.  

Garnet shook her head.  “Let me finish.  Jasper is a rush of a person.  But I wouldn’t want to be her friend.  And I would never want to be close enough to date her.  Jasper’s charming, but she also has a temper like a wild bull.” 

Garnet’s hands clenched where they rested on the table top. “It wasn’t often that she lost a game, but the few times I ever saw her lose,” Garnet paused, exhaling,  “...she was a terror. To everyone that she came into contact with.” 

Pearl shut her eyes.  She was now grateful that she hadn’t eaten any of the sandwich Garnet had ordered for her, a wave of nausea was now washing over her. 

Jasper had hurt Lapis.

  Hearing what Garnet said, it was conformation.  Her hands clenched.  “So if she were to lose, say her girlfriend, she probably wouldn’t take that well?” 

Garnet shook her head. “I would say not. Lapis needs to watch herself.” 

Pearl swallowed hard.  “Yes.  But I’m sure that she knows all this.” 

Garnet’s fingers drummed against the table. An old habit. 

“All too well, I’m sure.” 

They faded into silence.  Garnet  drank her coffee, and Pearl, who was never all that hungry, merely sat.  Suddenly she remembered just where she was, and, far more importantly, where she was not. 

“Oh!”

She glanced down at her watch.  12:30.  If she hurried, she could make it back in time for her afternoon classes.  

“I’ve got to go.  Thanks for the lunch. And for listening.” she added, a little quieter.  

Garnet just grinned and nodded.   “Sure, anytime.” 

Pearl smiled, nodding.  Quickly she gathered her things and was just about to leave, when Garnet turned.  “Pearl.” 

She turned to Garnet, surprised. “Yes?”

Slowly Garnet took off her glasses, both muti-colored eyes staring fixsadedly at Pearl. 

“One more thing about Jasper.  Whenever we had a big game, the other team...they always ended up bleeding.  She destroyed the competition, and I mean that quite literally.  If she thinks that _you_ are her competition for Lapis, then she will try her very hardest to crush you.  Be very careful Pearl.  Jasper… she’s dangerous. Watch yourself.” 

Pearl swallowed.  “Yes.  Of course.” she said tightly, nodding.  

With that, she turned on her heel, and started the long walk back to school.  She had answered and, perhaps, an idea of what to do.  But everything that Garnet had said wouldn’t stop swirling. 

Perhaps if she could just walk a bit faster, then she could just out walk her problems. 

She walked faster.   

                                                                                                                             -:-

Lapis was confused. 

Pearl was acting odd, and Lapis wasn’t sure why.  It wasn’t something that she could actually place her finger on, just a sort of feeling.  Not a good one either.  She had an awful feeling that it had something to do with how Lapis had been acting in the past few weeks. 

And that was fair.  Lapis was very aware just how much of a mess her personal life was, and that wasn’t somewhere that she wanted Pearl to be.  Just because Lapis was a disaster, it didn’t mean that Pearl should have to deal with it as well. 

Lapis tapped her pencil end against her open notebook.  The paper however was still blank.  The teacher kept droning on, but Lapis knew that the chance of her catching any of the lecture was unlikely. 

Every weird thing that Pearl was doing had been minor, but still, if someone had asked her last week, she would’ve said that Pearl was the last person on the face of the earth who would ever hit someone in the face.  It just didn’t seem like her. 

Lapis sighed, shifting boredly in her seat.  Or maybe she didn’t know Pearl as well as she thought. 

Still though, that was just having a temper.  She knew about that better than anyone.  No, bad thought. 

She bit her lip. 

Earlier the bell had rang for lunch, and Lapis had gone to find Pearl.  She had wanted to talk, just talk.  But Pearl hadn’t been there. 

Where she was, Lapis had no idea.  Anyone else would’ve been ditching.  But Pearl didn’t ditch. That was just…weird.  And it wasn’t good.  

But the thing that Lapis couldn’t get out of her head was that it was because of her. 

Pearl was doing all of this because of her. 

Lapis’s grip tightened on her pencil.

The very last thing she would ever want to do was spread her toxic-ness into Pearl’s life.  She had everything together.  Good grades, nice friends, and even managed to get along well enough with her parents. 

But then in Lapis came, causing chaos. 

And that was the very last thing Pearl deserved in the world. 

But perhaps…if Lapis were to leave, then Pearl could go back to being what she was supposed to be.  Happy and perfect and beautiful in her little bubble. 

Lapis wasn’t allowed to pop that bubble. She didn’t have the right. 

Lapis slouched back in her chair, trying to ignore the waves of nausea washing over her.  Even though Pearl was maybe the best thing that had ever entered her life, she had to go. 

Even though it would hurt Pearl, and hurt Lapis worse. 

Even though it would kill Lapis to do it. 

She shut her eyes. She had to. 

Pearl needed to be happy. 

Lapis was only messing up her chances for that. She could never be that greedy and selfish.  Even though stars, she wanted to. 

Slowly she straightened with resolve.  This afternoon.  She would tell her this afternoon.  When she went to Pearl’s house to study.  Then she would go to the English teacher and insist that he give her a new partner. 

She blinked quickly. 

This would all be for the best.  It would be better for Pearl this way.  

And that was all that really mattered. 

                                                                                                                     -:-

Lapis found it easy to return to her scowling self after that. 

She knew it was the right thing to do, yet she wasn’t a good enough person to be happy about it.  Her stomach clenched beyond belief, she spent the period before English hiding in the bathroom. 

When she finally managed to muster the force to get herself out of the bathroom, the classroom was almost full. 

Pearl was there too. 

Her attention was focused on the notebook open on her desk, and the pencil in her hand was tapping rhythmically against the desktop.  She glanced up, and her eyes widened when she saw Lapis.  

“Oh.  Hey.”  she whispered, her eyes quickly darting back to her paper.  

Lapis bit her lip.  “Hey.” she muttered, slouching down in the seat beside Pearl.  

Pearl straightened, her cheeks flushed slightly.  “I hate this.”  she whispered, almost silent. 

Lapis glanced over at her.  “What do you-“ she stopped, realizing that almost the entire class was staring at them, the most polite watching from the corners of their eyes, and the least just flat out gawking. 

Lapis rolled her eyes.  Okay, this wasn’t going to happen. 

“Do you fucking morons seriously have nothing better to do with your eyeballs? Or do you all just naturally resemble cows?”  She spat loudly.  

Everyone averted their eyes like lighting.

  Lapis rolled her eyes, slouching back in her chair.  Ugh. People were pathetic.  Although Lapis supposed that it was better this way, it made for a much easier time in scaring them.

Pearl was watching her with her head tilted a funny way.  Lapis met her eyes for a moment. 

There was something different about Pearl, and Lapis felt it head on when Pearl stared at her like that.  It wasn’t beauty, even though Pearl _was_ exceedingly pretty.  It was just…something akin to sheer brain power. 

Even though she could miss a social signal like no one else, Pearl was sharper than most people realized.  It was just being smart, yet it was also the fact that she was smarter than everyone else. 

Lapis looked away first. 

Pearl’s eyes stayed on her for a moment longer, but then she looked away as well.  It made Lapis’s stomach lurch painfully. 

This wasn’t what she wanted.

Not at all. 

She dared to glance over at Pearl from out of the corner of her eye. 

Her attention was back fully on her homework, eyes running across the pages of their textbook like lightning.  Her pen and notebook were out, and her hand was moving across the paper almost as though it had a mind of itself.  Her mouth was pressed together in a concentrated pout, and Lapis knew that nothing except for the class starting could get her attention now. 

Lapis's mouth twisted in a fond smile before she caught herself.  She shut her eyes.  No, she couldn’t do that anymore.     

Because Pearl was brilliant. 

Not just smart, but kind and happy and pretty and wonderful. 

She had her life, and she needed to shine in it.  Not be bogged down by Lapis’s problems. 

Lapis exhaled slowly through her nose.  All there was to do was continue on. 

Slowly she got out her pencils and pens and books, but she could hardly register the actions as she did them.  The teacher came in, and started the class, talking about something that Lapis didn’t hear. 

She repeated that it’s for the best, over and over in her mind.  But it still does nothing to relieve the growing nausea in her stomach.

                                                                                                                   -:-

Pearl walked beside Lapis on the way to her house, and Lapis didn’t say anything the entire way.  It didn’t exactly help to squish any of Pearl’s nerves. 

Normally she’d try to say something, start some form of conversation, but right now? She couldn’t think of a single thing to say.

She glanced over at Lapis, who was staring very intently at the cracks in the sidewalk.   Pearl bit her lip. 

“I think we should start with a bit of studying, then maybe we could discuss our term paper?” Pearl said, her voice more nervous than she wanted. 

Lapis blinked, as though she’d been snapped out of a deep thought. 

“Oh, yeah.  That sounds like a good plan.” 

Pearl nodded, hoping that Lapis would say something else, something that could continue the conversation, but she lapses into a silence again.  Pearl tugged at her sweater awkwardly. 

They don’t say anything for the rest of the walk.

                                                                                                                   -:-

Once they got to her house, which was very pleasantly empty, Pearl suggested that they study in her room.  Lapis agreed absently. 

They went upstairs into her room, and Pearl gestured for her to sit down.   Lapis sat down on her rug, setting her bag down beside her.

Pearl watched her for a moment too long, and Lapis glanced up at her.  She cleared her throat nervously. 

“Ah, just give me a few minutes to review my notes okay?  Then- uh we can talk about our paper?”

Lapis nodded.  Slouching slightly against the side of her bed, Lapis opened up her copy of _T_ _he Great Gastby_ , beginning to read. 

Pearl swallowed, and sat down at her desk.  She started to flip through her notes, yet her mind couldn’t focus on any of it.  This was a waste of time. 

Five minutes ticked by, and Pearl’s hands only kept getting clammier.  Finally something inside her couldn’t take it anymore. 

She closed her notebook with a slap, and turned around to face Lapis.  Lapis looked up from her book.  “Oh, you ready?” she asked. 

Pearl bit her lip, and slowly, she slipped from her desk stair and down to the floor.  “Yeah.”

She looked down at her rug, trying to calm her pounding heart. 

“Pearl?” 

She looked up to see Lapis staring at her, eyes filled with concern, probably. 

“Lapis, we need to talk.  Not about homework.  I- I have something that I have to tell you.” 

Lapis shut her eyes.  “Yeah, so do I.”

Pearl’s eyes widened.  “I-I just- I need to say this.”

She took a deep breath.  “I know that I’m late and probably too late, but-“ she fisted her hands into her skirt.  “I feel things- _good things_ when I’m around you, and I-I like it.  I wasn’t sure before- but I am now.  I like you. I like you a lot.  A-and I’m not sure what to do about it.” 

She said the last part softly, eyes glancing up to meet Lapis’s blue one’s. 

They are wide, and filled with surprise.  Lapis’s mouth is hanging open.  She doesn’t say anything, just stares at Pearl.

Pearl’s cheeks are flushed with embarrassment.  She’s probably just lucky Lapis isn’t laughing. 

Lapis swallowed, closing her mouth.  Slowly she shut her eyes. 

 _Say something.  Please, just say something._  

“Lapis…I just…wanted to tell you.  I know that I’m too late, and I should’ve told you before, but I-I didn’t know how.”  She exhaled shakily.  “It’s fine if we can’t be friends anymore. You can get a new partner, if you want.  I-I don’t mind.”  Pearl murmured softly. 

Everything was wrong. 

Lapis’s eyes were still shut.  Pearl vaguely wondered if she were going to throw up.  The way her stomach was lurching, it was a defininent possibility.  

Finally Lapis sighed, rubbing at her eyes exhaustedly.  Slowly she met Pearl’s nervous blue one’s. 

“Pearl…you don’t want this.” 

Pearl bit her lip.  “Lapis, I know you don’t believe me, but I really-“ 

 

“I’m not a good person Pearl!” 

 

They both went silent. 

“Lapis?” Pearl asked softly. 

Lapis rubbed at her face with the palms of her hands.  Slowly, her eyes focused on the floor, she nodded.  “I-I shouldn’t be in your life Pearl.  I’m only causing you more and more trouble.” 

Pearl frowned immediately. 

“That’s not true! You’re not doing anything to me.”  Slowly she reached for Lapis’s hand.  It was ice cold.  “You’re my friend, and you…you make me feel so happy.”

Lapis looked up, her eyes shining with wetness.  “But you’re so…perfect.  All I am is a black stain on your dress.” 

Pearl shook her head, blinking back tears.  “No. No, that’s not true. You’re strong, and cool and beautiful and amazing, and, oh I don’t know!”  Pearl laughed breathlessly. 

Lapis flushed, sniffling.

Pearl held out her arms.  Lapis laughed softly, before they both sort of fell into a desperate hug.  Pearl could feel Lapis’s chest rising and falling slowly against her own. 

“Pearl?” Lapis murmured softly. 

“Hmm?” 

Lapis pulled away from her chest to look at her in the eye. “I think you’re wonderful too.” 

Pearl smiled suddenly, the wetness in her eyes growing.  “So…what do we do now?” Pearl asked softly, afraid of what Lapis might say. 

“We…we could try it.  If you want.”  Lapis said, cheeks flushed slightly. 

Pearl nodded. “I’d like that.” 

Lapis smiled. 

They were close, noses inches apart. 

“Pearl?” 

“Huh?” 

“Do you think it’d be okay if I kissed you now?”

Lapis laughed a little at Pearl’s expression.  Slowly she cupped Pearl’s cheek. 

Her skin was ice, and it burned against Pearl’s flushed face.  Ever so carefully they leaned into one another, lips meeting gently. 

Lapis’s lips brushed her’s gently, softly, and Pearl felt hotter than she had ever felt.  Her hands found their way to Lapis’s waist, and she pulled Lapis closer against her. 

Lapis pulled away, just long enough for Pearl to see the huge smile on her face, and the way that her eyes shone.  Then she was kissing Pearl, her hand on the back of her neck, and Pearl lost her train of thought completely.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> >-<
> 
> So much drama, wew. (This chapter was really fun to write btw) 
> 
> Also, we got to 300 kudos on this story, which is kind of insane! Thanks so much! I'm still surprised that everyone seems to like this story so much lol. I just know I really enjoy writing it. 
> 
> Also, I've got a bunch of the next chapter written, so hopefully it won't be forever until the next update, but we'll see ;)


	8. Not friends not lovers, but you still mean the world to me baby

It was quite an odd thing really.  But Pearl probably shouldn’t’ve been that surprised. 

After talking with Lapis, finally telling her the truth, it felt as though a massive weight had been lifted off of her back. It was nothing short of a relief, if she were to be honest with herself. 

Pearl also noticed another odd thing, one she hadn’t been expecting. 

She couldn’t stop smiling. 

Pearl was sitting cross-legged on top of her bed quilt, absently playing her violin.  She started off playing a sonatina that had needed more work before her next lesson, but it sort of turned and twisted into something else entirely. Whatever it was, it certainly wasn’t right.

She rolled her eyes.  She was currently too happy to care. 

Lapis liked her.  Wanted…wanted to be with her. 

Pearl bit her lip, trying to dim her smile.  No, she couldn’t do it. 

She grinned. 

Smiling to herself, she turned to another page in her music book, and began to play. 

She shut her eyes, letting the delicate music flow over her body and just played, her fingers moving lightly across the strings.   She sighed, as she came to the end of the piece.  That had always been one of her favorites. 

The wind blew outside, causing the tree branches to tap against her window pane. 

Lapis had left a bit earlier, but they had already made plans to meet the next afternoon at Lapis’s house. The thought of seeing Lapis again, now that everything was different, made Pearl nervous and excited all at once.

She wondered if Lapis would kiss her again. 

Pearl flushed.  Stars, she really hoped so.  Or, should she kiss her? 

Pearl blinked.  It would be awhile before she got used to the fact that everything she currently knew about dating and relationships was now sort of useless. Since, of course, she was now breaking the biggest rule of all. 

She knew the rules with dating boys.  They paid, they got the door, they chose the date.  They kissed the girl. 

Pearl frowned.  But what was she supposed to do with a girl? 

Lapis had dated girls, or at least one girl, that Pearl knew of.  That would be something to ask Lapis about later.  Because she was going to see her tomorrow. 

Pearl smiled to herself.  She knew this was silly and ridiculous, and she really had always prided herself on not being one of _those_ girls, but still. 

She was just…happy. 

And she really didn’t care. It had gone well. 

She could still remember the way Lapis had kissed her, making her feel like fire.  Lapis had wanted to kiss her. Lapis liked her. 

Pearl grinned, flopping back against her bed.  Maybe…maybe _she_ would kiss Lapis tomorrow.  Maybe.

Suddenly there was a knock on her door, and Pearl sat up. 

Her mother poked her head into the room. “Hello sweetheart.” her mother said, and Pearl noticed how tired she looked. 

“Hi Mother. Is-is everything all right?” 

Her mother looked surprised for a moment, but then it sank into tiredness. “Yes, it’s fine I suppose.” 

That wasn’t all of it.  Pearl kept staring at her mother.  Finally she sighed. “I got a letter today.  From your grandmother.” 

Pearl blinked.   Oh.  That’s what was wrong. 

She meant Pearl’s father’s mother, and that wasn’t ever good.  Pearl’s mother and her mother-in-law didn’t exactly get along perfectly. 

At least, that was what Pearl remembered most vividly from the Christmas when she was four. It had been a rather painful holiday season that year for everyone.  

It had ended with her mother and grandmother harboring a passionate dislike for one another, and a firm resolve on Pearl’s mother’s part to stay away from the other woman. 

Whatever Pearl’s grandmother had to say, it certainly wasn’t good. 

“Oh?” Pearl said carefully, trying not to seem too interested.  

Her mother laced her fingers together carefully, her lips tightening into a firm line.  “Yes.  It turns out that she has decided to grace our home with her _lovely_ presence.” 

Her mother said lovely as though it had a poisonous quality to it.

Pearl bit her lip, and, slowly, she moved the sheet music off of her bed comforter.  Her mother hesitated, but then she sighed and sat down next to her daughter. 

“So.  Grandmother’s coming to visit us?” Pearl asked finally. 

Her mother rubbed her eyes tiredly.  “She’s… _informed_ me that she’ll be staying with us for three weeks.” 

Pearl’s eyes widened.  “Three weeks?” 

Her mother nodded tiredly.  “Yes.  Three weeks.  And she will be staying here, in the house.” 

Pearl winced.  “How... delightful.” 

Her mother laughed mirthlessly.  “Yes.  She’ll be arriving the day after tomorrow, late Sunday afternoon.” 

Pearl nodded.  “That’s plenty of time to tidy the house and guestroom up.”  She smiled gently at her mother.  “Don’t worry.  It’ll be fine.” 

Her mother smiled tiredly.  “Thank you darling.”  She rose slowly from the bed, and gently kissed Pearl’s forehead.  “You’re a good girl.”

Pearl smiled softly.  “Thank you Momma.” 

Pearl bit her lip.  “Mother? I-is it all right if I still go to Lapis’s house tomorrow afternoon? We made plans to work on our report for school then.”

Her mother blinked. “I, uh, I don’t see why not. I’ll need help with the chores in the morning, but the afternoon is fine.” 

Pearl smiled widely.  “Thanks.”

Her mother nodded, before she turned, shutting the door behind her.  Pearl exhaled, before flopping against her bed.  Yes, there was no way she was possibly going to get any sleep at all tonight. 

                                                                                                                           -:-

 

Lapis woke to the sound of her alarm clock ringing piercingly loud.

Slowly she shoved her sheets off, sitting up to click the damn thing off.  When she saw the time she groaned. 7:00 a.m. 

It figured that the only day that she would remember to set her clock would be on a Saturday. 

Bleh. 

She blinked, trying to clear the sleep away from her eyes.  Saturday.  There was something that was happening today.  Suddenly her stomach turned over. 

Pearl. Pearl was coming over that afternoon.  To work on their paper, and… 

She bit her lip. 

Oh boy. 

Now she could remember everything from the afternoon before.  She ran a hand through her messy hair. 

Pearl had kissed her, and Lapis had completely kissed her back.  And now they were…something. 

Lapis rubbed her eyes tiredly.  The word she really wanted to use was girlfriend.  Something that she hadn’t thought about since Jasper. 

But Pearl…Pearl could be that.  

If that were something that Pearl even wanted.  It wasn’t like feelings turned into an instant relationship.

Lapis’s stomach tightened.  No.  She wasn’t going to sit there all morning being insecure.

Pearl was coming over that afternoon.  She would just ask her then. 

Lapis swallowed. 

Yes.  She would ask Pearl if being…girlfriends was even a option for them.  And that would be that.

Her hands knotted in the sheets. 

But what if…what if Pearl did want to be with her?

She found herself smiling against her will.  That was an insane thought.  Someone pretty and smart and who was everything like Pearl, girls like that never liked Lapis.

But Pearl did.  She had actually kissed Lapis. 

More than once. 

Lapis flushed.  This was getting ridiculous.  But still.  She got out of bed, still smiling to herself. 

Once she was out of bed she shivered, realizing that in her daze the night before she had forgotten to turn the heater on inside the house.  She shivered again.  Ugh. 

Briskly now, since she was getting more frozen by the second, she picked out her clothes, a dark gray sweater and a pair of black jeans.

She dressed quickly, and mentally made a note to turn the heater on downstairs later.  After a moment of panic and digging it out from a pile of clothing, Lapis ran a brush through her tangled hair, wincing slightly at the action. 

After that, she put on her normal makeup, which hardly counted as more than concealer and eyeliner. 

Finally, once she was at a point that she deemed presentable, she was ready to figure out what needed to be done before Pearl came over that afternoon. 

A quick glance around her room was all it took to convince her that she needed to clean it before Pearl saw it.   The rest of the house was probably clean enough, thanks to the maid her mother employed. 

Then she would also need to go and get groceries, which was another one of the things Lapis did for herself. 

Lapis sighed.  This was fine.  Besides, all the work would certainly keep her from worrying about Pearl all morning.

                                                                                                                       -:- 

So that hadn’t worked. 

Lapis sagged against the counter, letting several bags of groceries fall to the floor. 

Even after cleaning her room in a mad fury, and then a very long, slow trip to the grocery store, she was still thinking about Pearl.  And her stomach was feeling more clenched by the second.

She tipped her head back, groaning slightly.  At this point she had almost convinced herself that she had just imagined the afternoon before, and Pearl was going to come over and everything would be exactly the same as it had always been.  

But a little voice in her head reminded her that no, she hadn’t dreamed the whole thing.  Pearl was going to come over that afternoon, and they were going to talk about whatever they were going to be.

And Lapis vaguely wanted to throw up. 

It was all strange, because she had never been this nervous around Jasper.  Maybe it had something to do with the fact that she had been new to all of it then, and didn’t know what could happen. 

Or maybe it had been because of Jasper herself. 

The way that she just strutted around as if the universe not only owed her something, but actively wanted to give it to her. 

Lapis rubbed at the red marks on her wrist left behind from the grocery bags.  Stupid groceries. 

That really was the main aspect of Jasper’s power.  She treated everyone as though they had something to give her, and she could actually make you want to give it to her.  She made you want to please her. 

Lapis scowled. 

But it was nothing but garbage.  Even now, she could hear the complements that Jasper used to wash over her like water.  They meant nothing to Jasper as she said them though. 

Jasper just said them, and they were all completely empty, without meaning. 

Lapis rubbed at her shoulders, suddenly feeling cold. 

Of course, she had again forgotten to turn the heater on.  She sighed, and went to switch the stupid thing on.

Once she came back, Lapis briskly put away all the groceries, then made herself a sandwich.  The thing looked a bit sad sitting there on the plate. Lapis stared at it. 

Finally she sighed heavily, at nothing in particular at all.  

It wasn’t as though she were upset about Pearl, and all the possibilities that were now between them. It was just that she found it very unlikely that everything would work out in the way that she wanted it to. 

And honestly, Lapis wasn't sure if she knew how she wanted it to go.

Slowly Lapis bit into her sandwich.  What _did_ she want to happen? 

She blinked. 

The thought of trying to be something with Pearl.  Was that something she wanted? 

After Jasper, and all the bad places Lapis could go with her emotions? Jasper had truly been a nightmare. She knew that she couldn’t take another relationship like that ever again. 

Lapis swallowed.  Then she remembered her. 

All the terrible English literature jokes that she could seemingly pull out of nowhere, and the adorable way her face scrunched up when she was focusing intently on something.  The way she laughed, and blushed when she thought Lapis wasn’t looking.

Yes.  Yes, that was something that she wanted.  More than anything. 

But that wouldn’t happen.  Would it? 

Lapis sighed, and dropped her sandwich back onto her plate.  There was no point eating like that anyway.  

Suddenly the doorbell rang, piercing the silence. Lapis stiffened.  Well there was no time like the present. 

She went to answer the door.

                                                                                                                                -:- 

Pearl squirmed nervously in front of the door to Lapis’s imposing house. 

Oh stars, it was ridiculous to be this nervous, especially when it was just Lapis. 

But it wasn’t just Lapis.  It was _Lapis_. This was important.

And Pearl had been antsy about it all morning. 

Even her mother had noticed, but Pearl knew that she just assumed that it was simple nerves about her grandmother’s arrival the next day. If Pearl were to be really honest, she had barely taken the time to even think about her grandmother. 

Somehow she had managed to trip her way through all her chores, and after a small lunch, she managed to trip herself to Lapis’s house. 

Her hands clenched at her bag strap. What was taking so long? 

She bit her lip.  Maybe Lapis wasn’t home. 

She was just wondering if she should ring the bell again when the door finally opened.  Lapis stared at her for a moment, then smiled slightly.  “Oh.  Hey.”

Pearl smiled nervously.  “Hi.” 

They stared at each other for a moment, before Lapis seemed to realize that she should ask Pearl to come in.  Flushed a tiny bit, she opened the door wider.  “Sorry.  You wanna come in?”

Pearl bit back a laugh.  “Yes, thank you.”  Lapis nodded awkwardly, before turning back inside, Pearl following her.  Lapis closed the door behind her.

                                                                                                                       -:-

As Lapis led the way through the house, Pearl couldn’t help but to look around, rather curious about the sort of life Lapis might have.

The house had more lights on than the last time when she had come snooping around before.  The house was beautiful, but it all seemed rather…unlived in. There were all sorts of different rooms, and each one was beautifully decorated, yet they all had a kind of untouched feeling about them. 

Pearl wondered if Lapis was alone in this huge house when her mother was gone.

Lapis glanced back around at her.  “Hey, do you want to study in my room?” Lapis asked her, and Pearl noticed a slight hesitance in her eyes.  Vaguely she wondered if Lapis was just as nervous as she was.

Quickly she nodded.  “Yes, that’d be fine.” Pearl answered. 

Lapis nodded, gesturing for her to follow her.  Briskly Lapis led her to a wide staircase, the same one Pearl had suspected before led to Lapis’s room. 

They climbed upward, and the heels of Pearl’s shoes clicked faintly against the wooden flooring. 

The silence was nerve-racking. 

Pearl faintly wondered if it were too late to run away.

Yes, she decided, it was. Besides, she had things that she wanted to ask Lapis.  And not knowing was killing her. 

She summoned her courage and followed Lapis. 

                                                                                                                    -:-

Lapis glanced over at Pearl, who was currently very focused on flipping through her copy of _The Great Gastby_. 

Lapis vaguely remembered Pearl saying something about using one of the quotes from the book as the main point of their paper.   Which Lapis thought was a great idea, except for the fact that they had been brainstorming for almost an hour, and they still hadn’t managed to come up with anything. 

Or even properly look at one another for that matter.

Lapis knew that it was awkward.  Any fool with eyes could tell that.

Lapis just didn’t know how to make it not awkward.

She was trying to just keep the focus on their project, and not on the fact that they had kissed yesterday, yet neither of them seemed to want to talk about it. 

Lapis swallowed.  Pearl was still flipping. 

“-and I know that the quote that’s earlier in the first chapter is far more popular, but everyone is sure to be doing that one. So we need to pick something that’s different, yet still carries the same depth and impact as the earlier one.  I felt like there was something good in the middle somewhere, but I-“ 

Pearl glanced up, feeling the weight of Lapis’s eyes on her.  Their eyes met for the first time that day. 

Pearl cleared her throat.  “Uh…What I meant was-“

“Pearl?”

Pearl stopped.

“When are we going to talk about what happened?” Lapis asked quietly. 

Pearl immediately flushed.  “I. um.  Do you mean…yesterday?” 

Lapis nodded. 

Pearl bit her lip. “Yes. Of course.  I wanted to talk to you too, I just…didn’t know how to start.”

Her eyes looked up, meeting Lapis’s hesitantly.  Lapis nodded.  “Yeah. Me too.” 

They both looked away from the other, unsure of what to say.  Finally Pearl spoke. 

“We kissed.” 

Lapis looked at her carefully. “Yes.  We…we also said that we were going to try and figure out what this”, she gestured between them, “is.”

Pearl nodded. 

They were silent for a moment.  “We’re not doing so well at that part.” 

Lapis glanced up at that. Pearl smiled faintly.  Lapis shrugged, smiling wryly, knowing that what she’s saying is the truth. 

Lapis sighed.  “Yeah, we’re really not.” 

Pearl rubbed her hands against her knees, sitting a bit straighter. “I know.”

Lapis ran a hand through her bangs, brushing them out of her eyes. Suddenly the silence was stiff and uncomfortable again.  Lapis bit her lip.  

She knew she needed to do something, say something.  Something that would make Pearl understand.   She sighed.  “Pearl.” 

Pearl glanced up, and her eyes are far too worried.  She thinks that Lapis is going to say that she doesn’t want this.  She thinks Lapis is changing her mind.  Lapis’s words are caught in the back of her throat.

Slowly she got up from her bed, and still moving carefully, sat down in the chair that was beside Pearl’s.

She couldn’t look at Pearl directly, but she could feel Pearl’s eyes on her’s.  Watching her.  

Suddenly Lapis flopped back against the chair’s back with a groan.  “This is ridiculous.” 

Pearl’s shoulders drooped.  “I-I suppose it was a bit…silly, to think that- that we could-“  

Her voice faltered slightly. 

“That’s not what I meant.” 

Pearl glanced up. 

Lapis continued.  “It’s ridiculous that you’re just sitting here, and I can’t even bring myself to tell you how much I like you.” Lapis stopped, her cheeks warming under Pearl’s gaze. 

“R-really? I mean, you do?” Pearl asked, rubbing her thumb against her hand. 

Lapis smiled dryly.  “Course.  I’ve liked you since I saw you in that stupid parking lot.” 

Pearl’s eyebrows scrunched together.  “But you didn’t even know me then.” 

“Nah, but I still thought you were really cute.” Lapis said, grinning.

Pearl flushed, and looked away.  “Oh…” she muttered finally.

Pearl looked at Lapis, her eyes hesitant.   “If we’re doing this, I mean, if you still want-“

Lapis reached over and squeezed her hand.  “I do want.”  Pearl nodded quickly, her cheeks still flushed as roses. 

“Y-yes, I, uh okay.  I meant to say, if we’re going to do this, we should talk about arrangements.”  Lapis arched an eyebrow. 

“What do you mean, arrangements?” 

Pearl bit her lip. “I just- a few things that we could maybe talk about, so things wouldn’t have to be so awkward?” she said carefully. 

Lapis nodded.  “Yeah. This…was a little ridiculous today.”  She smiled and Pearl smiled shyly in return.

Maybe this could work.  Lapis held her hand a little tighter. 

“So, what do you wanna talk about?” Lapis asked.  Pearl blinked. 

“Oh, yes.  Um well, I just wanted to ask…” Pearl trailed off, her cheeks red now.  She didn’t want to say it. 

Lapis nudged her with her knee.  “Come on Pearl.  Just ask me. It’ll be fine, I promise.” 

Pearl sighed. “Okay.  While we’re…trying this, we’re not going to date anyone else, right?” Lapis blinked, a little surprised. 

“No…I mean, that’s a good thing to bring up.  But no.  I’m not.”  Pearl nodded, and gave her a tiny smile.  “That’s- I mean, I’m not going to either.” 

Lapis grinned.  “All right, that’s one thing done.  What else?” 

The other girl blushed.  “I just…I feel a little ridiculous now.  It’s just, I’ve never done anything like this before.”  Lapis rolled her eyes.  “Please. And you think I have?”

“You dated Jasper. She counts.” Pearl said, frowning. 

Lapis sighed.  “I guess.  But I had no idea what I was doing when we first started dating. I was kind of a moron.”  Pearl laughed. 

“I can’t imagine that.” 

Lapis rolled her eyes good-naturedly.  “Believe it.” 

Pearl laughed, and the noise was brighter than Lapis’s whole house.  Lapis grinned, and she felt so unbelieveably happy in that moment it was frankly ridiculous. 

“I would also like to try and spend more time together, that isn’t school or studying for school.”  Pearl said, a little more confidently.  Lapis nodded. 

“Okay.  What else?” 

Pearl turned as red as a beet. 

“I-um-“ 

“Pearl.” 

“I wish that we could kiss more often.” Pearl murmured, her eyes very focused on her shoes. 

Lapis smirked slightly.   “Oh…that’s a definitely.”

Pearl dared to glance up, and Lapis shifted her weight slightly, scooting closer to the other girl.  Pearl just watched her with wide eyes. 

Ugh, did she even know how cute she was?  Probably not. 

With a quick movement Lapis closed the space between them, pressing her lips gently against the other girl’s. 

Pearl sighed softly, melting into Lapis, and Lapis could’ve sworn that her stomach turned over inside her torso. 

Lapis kissed her a little harder and Pearl made a small noise of approval in return.  

Pearl’s hands clung to her, one on her shoulder and one buried in her hair. They felt like literal ice, but it was fine, since Lapis felt like she was about to burn up.

This was different sensation, one she had never experienced when she had kissed Jasper.  She had felt a bit like an insnared animal, like a bird in a cage. 

But Pearl, _kissing Pearl_ , it made her feel free.

Lapis smiled into their kiss, and Pearl pulled away, curious. 

“What?” she murmured, a little breathless.  

Lapis couldn’t help the wide smile that spread across her face.  “I just- I’m really happy right now.” 

Pearl smiled, her eyes bright.  “Me too.”

“Pearl?”

“Yes?” 

“Is it okay if I kiss you again?”

A wide smile and ridiculously flushed cheeks were her only answer. 

                                                                                                                             -:-

Pearl had to admit, when she had thought about the afternoon beforehand, she had had very high hopes of getting a lot of homework and things of that sort done. 

But even she realized that either of them being at all productive wasn’t going to happen.  Certainly not when kissing the other was an option. 

Not that she was complaining.

Kissing Lapis was like drinking water after being thirsty for years. She was cool and dark, like a pool of water, and Pearl felt as though she might drown in her.

She felt a small sigh escape her throat as Lapis brushed her lips across her own slowly. Pearl gasped a little at the action, and she could feel Lapis grin slightly. 

Pearl pushed back a little firmer this time, kissing her a little harder. Now it was Lapis’s turn to gasp. 

Pearl felt a flash of triumph.  A new burst of confidence ran through her. 

Gently she moved her hand so that it was cupping Lapis’s cheek, and shifted her weight slightly, so she was now flush against Lapis’s torso.  With another small wiggle, Lapis was now pressed firmly against the upholstered backboard of the chair. 

Pearl gave her a last, pressing kiss, before she pulled away regretfully. 

Lapis eyes were on her in a moment. 

Pearl immediately felt herself flushing even more red if that were even possible anymore.  Lapis arched an eyebrow. 

“Wow.”

Pearl stared down at her skirt.  “Yeah. That was…”

“Something.”  Lapis finished.  Pearl nodded, suddenly feeling shy again. 

“I- uh…” she muttered dumbly, her brain feeling a bit like it had just been microwaved.  Suddenly she realized that they were still pressed up against one another, bodies flush with each other. 

She pulled away, or tried to, but Lapis tugged her back.  Luckily it was a fairly large chair, and they were both fairly slim, otherwise one of them would’ve probably fallen out of the chair already. 

As it were, they were tightly situated together, and Pearl felt the warmth that she had always herself lacked radiating from Lapis beside her. 

Lapis’s dark eyes, that she had finally decided were a very dark purply blue, watched her, watching for her reaction. 

Waiting to see if she wanted to stay.  And stars she did. 

She shifted slightly, and let her head fall against Lapis’s shoulder.  She felt Lapis shift a little closer, into a more comfortable position. 

Pearl sighed.  This was peaceful. 

For just a moment it felt as though the constant churning of her mind had stopped.  She actually felt…relaxed. 

Lapis lightly ran her fingers through her short hair, the sensation tingling her scalp. She couldn’t help but to sigh softly at the action. 

Lapis smiled, fingers rubbing gentle circles at the area of the nape of her neck. 

“…This is wonderful.” Pearl murmured, so softly that it was amazing Lapis heard her.

Lapis grinned. “I’m just amazed that I managed to get you to relax like this.” 

Pearl hmmed as an answer.  Lapis chuckled. 

Suddenly something occurred to Pearl. 

She shifted, lifting her head to that she could look at Lapis.  Lapis arched an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything.  Pearl rubbed at her wrist, hesitant to speak. 

Finally she exhaled.  “Lapis…there’s something else that I-we, need to talk about.”  Lapis nodded for her to continue.

Pearl sighed.  She really was going to have to do this.  Better to do it first, before Pearl couldn’t bring herself to leave. 

“Lapis, if we’re going to be a-a couple, my parents, they can’t know.” 

Lapis was silent for a moment.  “I know that it’s a lot to ask, and it doesn’t have to be a secret, just a bit more private, I suppose.  But if that’s too much, then it’s fine, I don’t-“ 

“Pearl.” 

Pearl glanced up from her lap.  Lapis stared back at her, dark eyes watching her with something like humor.  She smiled wryly.  “I understand that you can’t tell your parents. It’s fine.  It’s your decision, and I can respect that.  And even though I was so excited to go and tell my hundreds of friends that we’re dating, I’ll do my best to stifle the urge.” she says dryly. 

The corners of Lapis’s lips quirked up slightly. 

Pearl smiled, laughing a little breathlessly.  “Thank you.  But not a secret.  You’re…not like my dirty little secret.” Pearl said, squeezing Lapis’s hand. “Just private.  That’s all I’m asking.”

Lapis smiled, and her eyes were soft.  “Thanks Pearl.” she said quietly. 

They sat there for a moment, just happy in the silence. 

Then Lapis sighed and shifted herself again with a small huff, gesturing for Pearl to move beside her.  Pearl smiled, leaning into her side.  Lapis wrapped an arm around her shoulders, tugging her closer.  

“Do you think this will work out?” Pearl murmured softly.  Lapis was silence for a moment. 

“I dunno.” she said finally.  “I mean, anyone would look at us and say that we’re crazy.” 

Pearl frowned.  “How so?” 

Lapis smiled dryly.  “Pearl.  We literally couldn’t be more different from one another.”  Pearl sighed into Lapis’s neck. 

“We’re both girls.”  she murmured finally.  Lapis laughed at that. 

“Yeah, that’s true.” 

Pearl glanced up at Lapis, blinking slightly.  “I don’t care that we’re so different.  I like you.”  

Lapis smiled at that. 

“Yeah.  I like you too.”

                                                                                                               -:-

After a while longer of being curled up with one another, Pearl realized that the greater part of the afternoon had passed, and it would not be long before her mother would start to look for her. 

So, as awful as it was to drag herself away from Lapis, she managed to tug herself away and to the front door.  But she still caught herself lingering. 

She ran a finger along the edge of her textbook, which had gotten zero use for that afternoon.  Lapis leaned against the doorframe. 

“I wish I didn’t have to leave.” Pearl murmured softly.  Lapis nodded. 

“I know. But you can come back.” she smiled gently. 

Pearl shrugged.  “I don’t know about that.  My grandmother’s coming to stay with us for a while, and I don’t know how much I’ll be able to get away.” Lapis arched an eyebrow. 

“That’s…fun.” 

Pearl nodded a little dismally.  “I know.  She’s arriving tomorrow afternoon.  I’m…sort of dreading it.” she admitted. 

She sighed. “It’s just…she and my mother don’t have the best sort of relationship, and I know that I’m going to be the one stuck between them while they fight.”

Pearl gripped her books a little tighter. Lapis squeezed her hand.  “That sounds sucky.  But it’ll be fine.  You’ve got school and stuff.  And me.” she added with a grin.

Pearl smiled.  “Yeah.  And you.”

They were both silent for a moment.  Lapis bit her lip, before she leaned forward. 

Pearl knew Lapis was going to kiss her, but she still couldn’t keep her breath from catching in her throat.  Lapis pressed her lips gently against Pearl’s, moving as softly as a breeze. 

The kiss was soft and chaste and Pearl felt herself melting into it.  But all too soon Lapis pulled away. 

Pearl sighed, opening her eyes.  “I…have to go.”  Lapis nodded. 

“You do.  I don’t want to make you get in trouble with your mother.”  Pearl smiled half-heartedly.  “Yes, I suppose you’re right.” 

Lapis opened the door for her.   Pearl glanced back towards Lapis. 

Suddenly, moving impulsively, Pearl threw her arms  around Lapis’s shoulders. Lapis was still for a moment, but then her arms were around Pearl’s shoulders, returning the embrace.

After a pause Pearl finally tugged herself away.  “Now I have to go.”

Lapis’s eyes, dark with an emotion that Pearl didn’t fully understand, nodded.  “Yeah.  I’ll see you at school on Monday.”  Although she said it with a careful smile, her tone was sad. 

Pearl hated it.  “I’ll try to call you tomorrow.  Okay?” She said hopefully. 

Lapis smiled, and it was a little more real. 

“Okay.”

                                                                                                                       -:-

After leaving, Pearl couldn’t help but wonder if that afternoon had actually happened. 

It had been too good to be true, honestly. 

She kept expecting someone to jump out at her, and say that it was all a joke. 

Because the thought that someone as beautiful and fascinating as  Lapis could be interested in someone like Pearl...that was ridiculous. 

But no, it was true.  Lapis really did care for her, even though Pearl was still baffled by the entire thing. 

She kept catching herself smiling in a way that was surely stupid and ridiculous, but she really couldn’t stop herself.

Besides, after Lapis kissed her that many times she was surely guaranteed to be behaving stupidly.  Vaguely she wondered if Lapis was going to kiss her like that again. 

She blushed.  This was all ridiculous.  She was behaving like a ninny. 

She blinked.  Good grief, she was acting like a normal girl. 

Being all giggly and blushy about her boyfriend, or rather, girlfriend.  She had never understood why they acted in such a ridiculous fashion.  But now, now she got it. 

If only she had understood the lack of interest in boys thing sooner.  It would've made everything much clearer. 

She smiled to herself.

It was satisfying, in a sort of way,  not just being with Lapis, although that was extremely nice, but simply understanding herself better. 

Even though it was massively important that no one know, it still made her feel a little bit stronger in a way.  As if she were more present in time.  As if she were more real. 

The wind gusted, ruffling her hair slightly.  She tugged her coat a little tighter around herself. 

Her thoughts shifted back to her grandmother's arrival the next afternoon. She wondered vaguely how it would be to see her grandmother after so many years. 

It had been a better part of a decade since she had seen the woman. 

Although her memories were vague at best, since she had been only four at the time, she could still remember the woman's edge.  She had been odd.  Comments that went over four year old Pearl's head, and had made her mother scowl. 

Pearl sighed. 

She had always wondered if that was the real reason her grandfather had died so young.  Her mother had always said that her grandmother had probably snipped at him till he fell down dead.  That way of thinking had always scared Pearl. 

The thought that you could say enough mean things to someone to kill them.  After that, she had promised to herself that she would try to be nicer. 

It was only when she was older that she learned her grandfather had died from heart failure, not, in fact, because of her grandmother.  

Still though, the story stayed with her, probably as her mother had intended.  And, even with all the horrible stories she had heard about her, Pearl was still curious to meet the woman. 

Suddenly she had a bad thought.  What if her grandmother discovered her secret?

It wasn't likely, but still. 

Pearl half suspected that most of the reason her parents were in the dark was because that was the way they liked it.  So much simpler to just pretend that everything was normal, that it was perfectly average for their sixteen year old daughter to turn down every boy that dared approach her. 

Pearl rubbed her wrist nervously.  Her parents weren't looking.  But her grandmother, she would be. 

She would be watching Pearl, and if she found out... Pearl didn't even want to think about that. 

She bit her lip. 

But Lapis...Ugh, this was too hard. 

Pearl rubbed her eyes tiredly, no doubt smudging her makeup in the process.

It wasn't too hard. She would continue on with the idea that she and Lapis were normal, average female friends, and she would do her best to keep Lapis and her grandmother far apart from each other.  

Yes, this could work. 

She continued her walk home, trying to shake off the thought that there was no way this was going to work.

                                                                                                                        -:-

Lapis had never had any kind of problem with being alone till now.

She walked into the kitchen for the thousandth time in the past thirty minutes.  What she was doing in there, she had no idea. 

She stared at the sink. 

Water.  She had come in here for a glass of water.  That was it. 

She opened the cabinet and took out a glass.  The cabinet squeaked loudly in the deafening silence, and Lapis winced at the sound.  Stars, it was too quiet. 

She sighed at nothing in particular. 

That was it. She had to talk to someone about what had happened that afternoon. 

She really wished that Pearl were still there and she could just ask her.  But Lapis didn't want to risk getting her in trouble by calling her. 

Besides, even if she could talk to Pearl, what in the world would she say to her?

 _Hey, just wanted to tell you that I can't stop thinking about you, even though that sounds so creepy, it's really not, because I really like you and_ \- Lapis groaned. 

That would go well.

She ran a hand through her bangs, brushing them out of her eyes. But she couldn't just sit in that house, alone with all of her messy chaotic thoughts till Monday. 

She bit her lip. 

Vaguely she wondered if Peridot was busy. 

On a Saturday night?

Nah.

She shook her head, and went to the phone to call her. 

Peridot picked up the phone on the third ring.

"Who is this?" Peridot's high voice asked immediately. 

Lapis rolled her eyes.  "Hello to you too."

"Lapis?" Lapis frowned.

"Who else calls you?" 

There was a pause, then a grunt. "Very funny Lapis.  What do you want?"

Lapis snorted at Peridot's refusal of common manners.  To someone else Peridot could come over as being enormously rude, but Lapis knew that the other girl didn't actually mean it in that way. 

Peridot simply preferred to get to the point of the conversation, and refused to spend any time beating around the bush to get there.

"I'm bored. You wanna come over?" 

Another pause. Then finally: "Do you have any food?"

Lapis rolled her eyes. "No. If you pick it up I'll pay for it." 

There was nothing for a moment, and Lapis could hear her muttering to herself.  She had probably put down the phone.

Finally, after almost a full thirty seconds, Peridot answered. "Fine.  I'll be there in twenty two minutes." Lapis smirked. 

"All right nerd. See you then." 

She hung the phone back up onto the receiver, laughing a little to herself. 

She had no doubt that Peridot would knock on her door in exactly twenty two minutes. Or probably twenty one minutes and twenty seconds now. 

Sure enough, Peridot came knocking on her door precisely on time.  Lapis opened the door to a tired looking Peridot, holding a pizza box. 

Lapis arched an eyebrow, opening the door a little wider.  Peridot pushed past her inside the door, nodding in Lapis's direction. 

Lapis rolled her eyes, then followed her inside. 

Peridot was already in the kitchen when Lapis got there.  Lapis watched her with slight amusement, as she began to putter around Lapis's kitchen, opening cabinet doors as though she owned the place. 

"Might I help you find something?  I do live here after all." Lapis said pointedly. 

Peridot looked at her blankly.  "You were wasting time. Sorry for trying to be efficient with my time.  Where are your plates?"  Lapis sighed, and pointed her to the correct cabinet. 

"So...why did you want me to come over?" Peridot asked, her voice slightly muffled by the cabinet her head was currently in.

Lapis shrugged.  "You brought me food." 

Peridot frowned, emerging from the cabinet with plates in hand.  "Please.  You're never that hungry." 

Her friend looked at her with something that was akin to curiosity, and Lapis knew that she would be hurt if Lapis didn't tell her about Pearl.  She bit her lip. 

"So...you know that girl?" 

"Pearl.  Yes, I remember. What?"

Lapis shifted uncomfortably.  "We're...sort of a thing now."

Peridot stared at her flatly for a moment.  "Huh.  All right."

Peridot turned and sat down at the table, leaving Lapis feeling very let down.

"Is that all you have to say about it?" Lapis asked, a little offended.  Peridot opened the lid of the pizza box, then turned around in her chair to glare at Lapis. 

"I got you food.  And it's not getting cold because you want to sit here and talk about your feelings."  Lapis glared at her, but her stomach forced her to get over her annoyance. 

She sat down in the chair across from Peridot with a huff.  Peridot dumped a slice of pizza onto her plate and Lapis begrudgingly took a bite. 

"Good pizza." She said after a minute or two of eating.   Peridot smirked a tiny bit. 

"So," she said after wiping her hands on a napkin, "you were saying?" 

"Oh, so now you wanna listen to me?" Peridot rolled her eyes. 

"I was hungry Lazuli.  Now?"  Lapis sighed, propping her elbows up against the tabletop. 

"Pearl and I are together now."

After she said it, Lapis could barely believe that that was something she could say now.  That those words were actually real.  Against her will she felt her mouth curling into a stupid little smile. 

Good grief, she wasn't supposed to be acting like this.

Peridot arched an eyebrow.  Lapis glanced up to see Peridot's eyes studying her carefully from behind her wire-rimmed glasses. 

"What is it? I know you're thinking something right now." Lapis said frowning. 

Peridot sniffed, adjusting her glasses higher onto her nose.  "I'm not thinking anything critical of you, if that's what you mean.  If this is what makes you happy, then good."

She nodded, almost to herself.  "I'm glad for you Lapis.  You should move on from Jasper.  Be happy with someone else."

Lapis swallowed, and she suddenly felt a rush of appreciation for Peridot.  “Thanks Per. That means a lot."

Peridot nodded once, then took another slice of pizza from the box.  Lapis arched an eyebrow.  Peridot noticed her expression and frowned.  "What? I'm hungry!"

Lapis laughed.  "I didn't say anything.  I just don't know where all the food you eat goes. You're short and skinny, yet you eat like a horse.  It's completely unfair." 

Peridot rolled her eyes.  "I've told you before, it's metabolism Lapis!"

Lapis just laughed.

                                                                                                                    -:-

 Pearl rubbed at the chain of her bracelet, trying as hard as possible not to start tapping her foot. 

Her mother gave her a look, and Pearl let go of the chain, quickly lacing her fingers together neatly in her lap.  Slowly she breathed out through her nose, trying to fight the waves of claustrophobia rushing through her. 

The droning voice of the pastor echoed throughout the church hall, and Pearl swallowed, her throat tight.

Her father shifted with a grunt, and her mother shot a glare at him as well. He slouched against the pew's hard backing with a scowl. 

Pearl rubbed her thumbs together, and she realized with slight disgust that her hands were damp with sweat. 

She blinked once.  She wasn't going to panic.  Not now. 

The sermon would surely be over soon, and once they got home, she could go straight to her room. 

And be alone.  

With herself and all her thoughts. 

She bit her lip.  That sounded awful as well. 

Suddenly she had a thought.  What would Lapis say right now?

She would tell Pearl that it didn't matter.  All the staring, creeping eyes didn't matter.  What all the snippy old ladies who always sat in the very back said didn't matter. 

Because whatever they thought, it was wrong. 

Stars, she wished Lapis were there in that moment.  It was probably silly and clingy of her, but still. 

Lapis would've just smirked in that dark lilting way of hers, and then turned around and glared at all the gossiping eyes. 

Pearl almost smiled at the thought.  She exhaled, and held her head a little higher. 

                                                                                                                       -:-

After church both her parents were in foul moods, likely due to her grandmother's arrival that afternoon, and the car was deathly silent the entire way home. 

As soon as she could, Pearl slipped away upstairs to her room. 

When she finally shut the door behind herself with a click, she sighed. 

Finally. 

She glanced around her room, trying to decide what to do. 

She briefly considered her violin, but then considered the fact that her parents would surely hear. 

Then she tried to read for a little while, but her mind refused to focus on the words in front of her.  

Finally she sat back in her chair with a flop. She slipped off her heels, then sighed. 

She hadn't realized how uncomfortable they were till she took them off.  That felt like a metaphor for her whole life.  She hadn't realized how uncomfortable certain things made her, until she just...realized. 

Realized that the reason everyone's hateful, mocking words hurt so much was because, even though unknowingly, they were directed towards her. That everyone she knew only liked the pretty painted exterior of her personality. 

The parts that lay beneath, who she really was, they all hated. 

 

Suddenly she felt very cold.

 

Her eyes swelled with tears but she wiped them away before they could fall.

Slowly she rose from her chair, and, almost as if in a trance, walked over to the long mirror that hung beside her dresser.  

Someone stared back, but Pearl wasn't sure if it was her. 

She remembered who she had been.  That was the Pearl she expected to see. 

A sweet girl, dressed only in florals, rosy curls falling down her back.  She never spoke, only smiled softly, and always did exactly what her parents wanted. 

That girl was supposed to be in that mirror. 

Yet even though Pearl looked and looked, she couldn't find her there. 

There was only another girl. 

Her dress still covered in flowers, yet it couldn't disguise the way her shoulders tilted higher, stronger.  Her hair was cut short, in a way that everyone frowned upon, yet she couldn't bring herself to regret it.

She had bruises in strange places, and tired feet from walking to places her parents had said she could not go.

Her lips had kissed, had been kissed.  In a way that was bad in every definition of the word she had been given. 

But her eyes, that was the thing she noticed most. 

They were wet, shining with unfallen tears, but she wasn't weakened by them.  She cried, but even through the tears, she kept her head held high. 

She smiled.  That girl was her now. 

And the other one, the girl she kept expecting to see in that mirror, she was gone. And she wasn’t coming back.

Pearl smiled, and wiped away her tears.

                                                                                                                             -:- 

Pearl sat on the sofa in their modest front room, watching her parents both pace around the house irritatedly. 

Pearl watched them both stomp around but kept her hands folded and her mouth shut. 

Suddenly there was a creaking sound of a very old car screeching to a painful stop, and everyone in the room froze. 

Her mother darted over to the window, and her lips immediately pursed into a frown. 

Pearl turned to her mother.  "Is that-"

"Yes. That's definitely Eugenia." Her mother did not sound thrilled. 

Her father marched himself over to the door as Pearl was certain her mother had told him to. 

Teetering heels came slowly clicking to the door, and then the doorbell rang out.  Her mother exhaled, then forced her face into her most charming smile.

She opened the door, and the strangest woman walked into their house. 

She was short and very thin, but she had the biggest smile on her face.  Her hair was white as snow, and tied back in a knot-like bun. But that wasn't the oddest thing.  From what Pearl could tell, she was wearing a very long, very big overcoat in a strange army green color, with big chunky black boots. 

All of a sudden Pearl realized why her mother didn't like this woman. 

"Catherine! You look... the way you always do!" the woman said grinning.  "And you Henry," she said, turning to her son, "don't look so grumpy.  At least pretend to be glad to see your ancient mother."

Her father grunted.  The woman continued on as though she hadn't heard him. 

"And you." She said, her eyes falling on Pearl.  "You must be Pearl.  My goodness, I've not seen you since you were below my hip!  And look at you now! Why you're lovely!"

Pearl's cheeks warmed under her gaze.  "Thank you madam." 

The woman smiled kindly, before turning her attention back onto her son.  "Henry, would you mind going to get my bags from my car? I would've carried them myself, but my back just isn't what it used to be." 

Pearl's father nodded, and looked extremely grateful to be able to leave the room. 

Pearl's mother cut in, her smile tight and only slightly veiling her stress. "Eugenia, can I get you anything? Tea, or coffee, perhaps?"

Her grandmother, Eugenia, just shook her head with a smile. 

"Thank you dear, but no thank you. My stomach hates it when I drink between lunch and dinner." she sighed breathlessly.  "Now, if you could just show me where you want me to sleep, I'd love to go and do that.  Driving such distance always wears me out."

Pearl's mother nodded quickly.  "Of course.  Right this way."

She led the way through their house to their small guest room that was located in the back part of the house. 

It was a strange little procession of people.  Walking in the front was Pearl's mother, neat and perfect and stiff. 

Then there was the strange old woman that Pearl was mystified by.  Her coat rustled slightly as she walked. 

Last there was Pearl, who trailed behind, waiting anxiously for something to happen. 

Once they got to the door Pearl's mother opened it with a click.  "Here we are." She said, voice full of forced cheeriness. 

Eugenia smiled honestly, and nodded.  "This is lovely.  Thanks Catherine." Pearl's mother nodded stiffly. 

Her grandmother was glancing around the room curiously, although what she was looking for, Pearl had no idea.  There was almost nothing in the room, considering it was almost never in use.  Only a bed, sheets neatly folded, and a dresser that was mostly empty. 

Pearl and her mother watched her for a few moments, before Pearl's mother frowned.  "Well, I'd better let you get settled in Eugenia."

Her grandmother nodded vaguely, as she ran her hands across the bed sheets. 

Her mother frowned, and turned out of the room, her heels clicking against the floor. 

Pearl almost swore she saw her mother roll her eyes as she turned.

Pearl knew the polite thing to do now was to leave, as her mother had.  But she was curious about this woman. 

The woman glanced up, and she seemed surprised to see Pearl still standing there.  But she didn't seem to be annoyed, as Pearl assumed she would be. 

"I can't imagine what kind of things you've heard about me." 

Pearl blinked.  "Excuse me, I don't understand." 

The woman smiled.  "Your parents, they don't like me all that much."

"Oh, I'm sure that's not true-"

The woman held up her hand for her to stop. "Sweet pea, it's all right.  I don't mind.  Why do you think we haven't seen each other in almost ten years?"

Pearl stared at her, unsure of what to say.  The other woman continued on, unfazed.  "But that's why I decided to come and force myself upon you and your family.

Slowly she took a step towards Pearl, but Pearl felt as though her feet were cemented to the floorboards. "I hoped we could get closer, through this visit.  That I might...get to know you a bit better." 

Pearl stared at her for a long time.  But then she nodded. 

"That- that would be nice." She forced out, her throat violently dry. 

Her grandmother nodded, as though the matter was decided.  Pearl shifted awkwardly.  "Dinner is at six."

The other woman nodded.  Pearl rubbed her shoe against the floor crack. 

"I'll let you rest." Pearl said softly, and then she bolted from that tiny guest room. 

She thought she might have heard something said behind her, but she didn't turn around.

                                                                                                                   -:-

Dinner was an odd sort of affair; no one spoke, just ate their food and eyed one another nervously.  All except for her grandmother, who still remained perfectly unaffected by the entire situation. 

Pearl had to admit, that was a skill she greatly envied. 

As soon as she finished pushing her food around on her plate, Pearl excused herself, blaming homework that she didn't actually have. 

But if she had to spend another second at that dinner table she thought she might lose her mind. 

She sat at her desk, staring out her window at the darkened world outside the glass.  Outside the wind gusted, causing the tree branches to thunk against her window pane.

Pearl wanted to call Lapis.  But it was a risk. 

If only for the reason that she would have to ask permission and her parents might think it odd. But the entire day had been so miserable, and she desperately wanted to hear Lapis's voice. 

Finally she sighed.  The footfalls downstairs had finally quieted, which meant that her father had probably gone back to his study for the evening.  That left only her mother, and hopefully she would be too tired to question Pearl. 

Carefully she crept down the stairs.  She took a deep breath, then slipped into the kitchen. 

Her mother was seated at the kitchen table with a cup of tea in her hand.  

Pearl hated how tired her eyes looked. 

She glanced up when Pearl came in the kitchen, but then her eyes fell back to her tea. 

"Mother?" Pearl asked quietly.  Her mother sighed. 

"Yes?"

Pearl exhaled.  "I know it's late, but would it be all right if I called Lapis? We're working on this project for school, and I want to ask her a question about it." 

There was a slight flicker of something in her mother's eyes, but it faded into tiredness.  "Yes, just be sure not to keep her long.  And then you need to go straight to bed."

Pearl couldn't help but smile.  "Yes, of course. Thank you mother."  Her mother smiled wearily.

Pearl left the kitchen quickly, before her mother could change her mind. 

She picked up the phone and dialed the number that, without trying, she had memorized. The phone rang once, twice, and then a familiar voice spoke.  "Pearl?" 

Pearl laughed breathlessly.  "Yeah, it's me."

"You actually called." 

"Of course.  I really wanted to talk to you."  She bit her lip, cheeks flushed slightly.  "I can't talk for long." she said, her voice dropping quieter. 

Lapis laughed.  "Yeah I'm sure.  Honestly Pearl, I don't know how you stand it sometimes."  Pearl sighed.

"I'm not certain either."  She could hear Lapis pause on the other end. "Pearl, are you all right?  Did your grandmother end up coming?" 

Pearl slouched against the wall, rubbing the phone cord between her fingers.  "Yeah, she came this afternoon.  But it's fine. I-I'll tell you more about it tomorrow." 

"That's not all of it.  Something's bothering you." 

Pearl frowned.  "N-no Lapis. There's nothing like that." 

She could practically hear Lapis's eye roll over the phone. 

"Pearl." 

Pearl sighed.  "I...I just felt really alone today.  I wish I could've seen you today." Her voice wavered slightly.  "I feel so trapped sometimes Lapis." she said so softly that for a moment she thought Lapis might not have heard her.

But then Lapis spoke. 

"I know. I don't know how it is to be you right now...but I do know one thing.  You're not alone.  I'm here. For as long as you want." 

Pearl gripped the phone tighter, her eyes watering slightly.  "Lapis I- thank you."

Lapis snorted over the phone.  "Stop saying that. Who knows what this ridiculous thing is between us, but before any of that, you're still my friend.  And that's not gonna change."

Pearl swallowed, her throat swelling with emotion.  Whatever she had done to deserve Lapis, she had no idea. 

"Lapis-thank you. I-I should probably go now. See you tomorrow?" she asked hesitantly. 

"Tomorrow." Lapis answered easily, and Pearl smiled widely. 

"All right."  They said their goodbyes quickly, and then hung up. 

Pearl smiled to herself and started up the stairs to bed. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So I may have gone a teeny tiny bit overboard with this chapter.  
> But it was just so much fun, and it just kept getting longer and longer...Anyway.
> 
> I have so many ideas for where I want this story to go in the future, but I would love to hear what you guys think! If you have any suggestions, I'd love to hear them! I love talking to all of you in the comments, it's sort of my favorite part of writing online<33


	9. ballet shoes and leather jackets

Pearl had thought everything would drastically change over night, and to be fair, in some ways things had. But the fact was, kissing Lapis, while being throughly enjoyable, was not, in fact, Earth-shattering.

Lapis had kept her promise to keep what they were private, and she was very good, only kissing her when they were certain to not be seen.

The rest of the time, at school, and the little bits of time that they were both around her parents, they just continued to act in the way that they always had, except for a mischievous look from Lapis here and there, which would make Pearl have to bite down on the inside of her cheek to keep from bursting into uncontrollable giggles.

Over all, Pearl had to admit, things were going all right.

Better than she had hoped, even. For the first time in years, she felt...happy.

"-And if you listen to the ways that Fitzgerald structures the central part of the book, you'll see that..."

Pearl felt someone nudge her shoulder, and she paused in her note-taking, glancing up from her notebook. Lapis grinned at her widely. Pearl rolled her eyes.

Lapis glanced down at her notebook, eyeing the pages full of perfectly organized notes. She smirked, arching an eyebrow.

Pearl made a shooing motion with her hand, before turning back to her notebook. A small smile grew on her face, and she turned away so Lapis wouldn't see it and gloat about it later.

A few minutes later the bell rang, and everyone immediately began to spill out of the classroom. Lapis hung back with her as Pearl took her time gathering up her notes.

"You are obsessed with school." Lapis murmured, leaning closer to her.

Pearl smirked. "Yes Lapis. I want to get good grades. You can mock me all you want but-"

"Miss White. Could I speak with you for a moment?"

Pearl turned, surprised to hear her English teacher speaking to her. "Uh...yes, of course Sir. What is it?"

He cleared his throat, glancing at Lapis. Lapis rolled her eyes. "I'll go."

She turned to Pearl. "I'll wait in the hall, okay?" she told her quietly. Pearl nodded.

"All right." Lapis glanced darkly at the English teacher once more, before leaving the classroom, the door swinging closed behind her. The teacher eyed her for a moment, before moving from behind the desk, to stand a few feet in front of her.

Pearl’s grip tightened on her books. “Sir? Is there something you wanted to ask me?” Pearl asked nervously.

He blinked, and quickly cleared his throat. “Ahem. Yes, of course.” Hazily he stared at her, and Pearl realized that the room was entirely empty, and they were entirely alone.

Slowly she swallowed.

“I…wanted to tell you Miss White…you’re simply one of the best students in this class. One of the best students I’ve ever had, really.”

He kept staring at her, his eyes piercing through her. Pearl felt a bit nauseous.

But she swallowed, and forced what she hoped was a polite smile. “Thank you sir. I try very hard.”

He nodded, crossing his arms. “I’m aware. You’re a very…talented young lady. I wanted to ask you if you had any interest in…extra credit.”

He grinned, in a way that Pearl was certain he meant to be boyish and charming. Pearl wanted to be sick.

It took every ounce of effort in her body to keep her expression flat.

“I- ah- I’ll think about that Sir. I’m very sorry, but my mother’s waiting on me now. If that’s all?” Pearl said quietly. She pressed her lips together in the faintest pout and fluttered her eyes ever so slightly.

She could tell by the smallest bit of a grin tugging at the corners of his mouth that it had worked.

He nodded, and squeezed at her shoulder with one of his big male hands. Pearl smiled docilely, stupidly she hoped, and nodded in a quick goodbye.

After that she slipped out the door as quickly as she possibly could manage without running.

The hallway was almost empty, but Lapis was still there, slouched against one of the lockers.

She was picking at her black-painted nails boredly, but she glanced up, smiling when she saw Pearl. Her expression darkened when she saw the look on Pearl’s face.

“What’s wrong? Did something happen?” Lapis asked her, eyes filling with concern.

Pearl swallowed, the lump in her throat enormous. “It’s nothing.”

Lapis frowned. “Something’s wrong Pearl.”

Pearl blinked quickly, willing herself not to cry. Not here.

“I just want to leave.” Pearl mumbled. “Please. Can-can we go to your house?”

Lapis’s eyes studied her face worriedly. “What about your parents? Won’t they-“

“I don’t want to go home.” Pearl blurted, her voice trembling. Lapis stared at her for a moment, but then she nodded.

“All right. Let’s go.” Pearl nodded, her eyes watery.

                                                                                                                              -:-

  
The walk to Lapis’s house was silent.

Pearl held her books close to her chest and kept her eyes away from Lapis’s worried ones. Lapis kept glancing over at her, and even though Pearl appreciated her concern, if she were to look at Lapis right now it was likely that she would burst into tears.

Lapis slipped her keys out of her pocket and opened the door with a click. She held the door open for Pearl, and she slipped inside the darkened house.

Pearl sighed as they stepped into the warm inside, and she was surprised to find that there were several more lights on than in her previous visits. It made the house feel a bit happier. It gave it a sort of cozy feeling.

“The maid turns them on.” Lapis said, answering her silent question.

Pearl turned to her. “They’re very nice. It gives a nice feeling to the entire-“

“Pearl.”

Pearl stopped, her mouth still open. Lapis crossed her arms, taking a step closer to her. “Now. What’s going on? Did that teacher say something to you?”

Pearl hesitated. She had felt so sickened by what her teacher had been doing in the moment, but now, away from it all, it felt…ridiculous.

But Lapis was staring her hard in the eye and Pearl knew she wasn’t about to let it go. Finally she sighed.

“No. I mean…yes.” she bit her lip. Lapis frowned.

“What did he do Pearl?” she asked carefully.

Pearl groaned, walking over to the sofa. “Nothing! It’s ridiculous.” she said, sitting down on the leather coated seat with a thunk.

Lapis scowled. “It’s enough to make you upset.”

Pearl shut her eyes. “He…said I was a really good student. And then…he started making all of these…flirty comments, and it just…” she trailed off at the look on Lapis’s face. “I probably just misread the situation, it’s not a big…” she stopped.

Lapis’s fists clenched. “I’m going to kill him.” she murmured under her breath.

Pearl’s eyes widened in surprise. “What- I mean-“ Lapis turned to her, her eyes dark, and Pearl was surprised to see anger there as well. “Of course he’s flirting with you. You're the most gorgeous girl at school. But that’s also illegal. There’s no way he’s going to just get away with this.”

Pearl winced. “Lapis…don’t be mad. He’s a teacher. It’s not worth it.” she stared at Lapis pleadingly.

Lapis stared at her, and Pearl could see her waver. Finally she sighed. “All right. I won’t kill him.” Her gaze hardened. “But this is going to stop.”

Pearl sighed, flopping against the back of the sofa. “I don’t want you getting into trouble over this Lapis. It’s not worth it. I’m not worth it.”

Lapis frowned, leaning back into the sofa.

“You are worth it.” Lapis said firmly.

Pearl snorted, crossing her arms across her chest. “I don’t know.” she murmured finally.

Lapis stared at her for a moment, before she wrapped an arm around Pearl’s shoulders, tugging Pearl closer.

“I do.” she murmured softly into Pearl’s shoulder.

Pearl sighed, resting her head on top of Lapis’s. “Thank you.” she mumbled finally.

Lapis hmned in reply.

Suddenly something occurred to Pearl. She lifted her head to look down at Lapis.

 "So...the most gorgeous girl at school?" Pearl said, her cheeks flushing.  

Lapis blushed violently.

"It's the truth." she mumbled, burying her face in Pearl's sweater.

Pearl giggled.

They sat like that for a little while, just curled up with one another.

It was strange, but this, simply being with one another, was far nicer even than kissing. They both needed to feel the other’s presence, to realize that neither of them were alone anymore.

Pearl sighed into Lapis’s shoulder.

Lapis rubbed her finger in circles on her shoulder. “What is it?”

Pearl shrugged slightly. “I have so much Calculus homework and ballet practice tonight and I also have a lab report that I have to write up by Thursday. And I’m so tired already.” she said, burying her face into Lapis’s shirt.

Lapis ran a hand through her hair gently.

“Good grief Pearl. No wonder. You’re trying to do way too much. You need to give yourself a break sometimes.”

Pearl shook her head. “No. It’s fine. I’m just tired.”

Lapis rolled her eyes. “You’re too tired Pearl. You need to stop.”

“No…” Pearl mumbled half-heartedly.

Lapis snorted. “Okay.”

Pearl shifted slightly, wiggling herself closer. “I’m just going to sleep for ten minutes, all right?” she said, glancing up at Lapis. Lapis smiled.

“Wake me up in ten minutes. Please?” Pearl asked, blinking tiredly.

Lapis brushed at the hair at the back of her neck. “I’ll see.”

“ _Lapis._ ”

“Fine.”

Pearl smiled, and let her eyes flutter closed.

                                                                                                                               -:-

Lapis stared down at Pearl, who was fast asleep.

For once her expression was peaceful, relaxed in a way it never was when she was awake. Lapis stared down at her.

She really didn’t understand how she had gotten to this point. That Pearl was actually her girlfriend, that this was something real. But it was.

Pearl was really here, and wanted to be.

Pearl made a small noise, and shifted slightly. Lapis glanced down quickly, but Pearl remained fast asleep.

It was slightly worrying how pale her skin had gotten recently.

She had always been very fair-skinned, but now it seemed almost white sometimes. Lapis frowned.

She knew that having her grandmother visit was a source of stress for her, and the number of ballet practices had increased, since their performance was only a few months away.

All of those things weighted heavily on Pearl, mostly because Lapis knew that she tried to give everything her all. It was one of the things that Lapis admired about her.

But Pearl was doing too much. She was trying too hard. Often it was she that could barely make their homework-free time together.

And, more often than not that time was spent with Pearl cuddled up with her, half-asleep.

Lapis tried to get her to sleep during that time whenever she could. But it still wasn’t enough, Lapis could tell that.

Lapis smiled down at Pearl, who was still deep asleep on her shoulder. She smirked.

“You’re just a freakin little over-achiever, aren’t you?” she murmured softly.

Pearl did nothing in response. Lapis rolled her eyes and held her a little tighter.

                                                                                                                       

                                                                                                                              -:-  
After a little while Lapis finally shook her ever so gently.

Pearl’s eyes fluttered open after a moment. Lapis was suddenly struck by just how princesscy her girlfriend was sometimes.

Pearl let out an extremely tiny yawn, sitting up. She blinked a few times before she noticed Lapis staring at her with a fond smile. “W-what is it?”

Lapis grinned, and rolled her eyes. “Nothing. You’re just adorable.” She watched as Pearl’s face turned into a small pout.

“I am not.” she said, trying to sound annoyed but really came off as being sleepy.

Lapis laughed. Pearl blinked, then glanced up at Lapis wide-eyed. “Wait. What time is it?”  Lapis shrugged. “4:00, I think.”

Pearl bit her lip. “I have to go. My mother’s going to be home soon and my grandmother’s going to be looking for me and I-“

Lapis squeezed her hand. “It’ll be fine Pearl. Besides…you were exhausted. You can’t keep pushing yourself this hard.”

Pearl hung her head. “I know.” she said in a tiny voice.

After a moment she raised her head, and it made Lapis’s heart sink to see her eyes dotted with tears.

“Oh no…I’m not mad at you Pearl.” she said quickly, ghosting her hand over Pearl’s pale cheek. Pearl sniffled, her shoulders slumping tiredly.

“I’m sorry…I don’t normally cry this much.” she muttered, rubbing at her eyes with her sweater sleeve. “I-I don’t know what’s wrong with me…”

Lapis rubbed at her back gently. “You’ve had a bad day. You’re tired. But it’s gonna be fine.” she smiled at her gently. “You’re gonna get some rest, and everything’s going to seem a lot better. Okay?”

Pearl nodded, and smiled a thin watery smile. “Thanks.”

Pearl hung her head, glancing sadly toward the clock. “I have to go. Maybe I can beat my mother home.” she said tiredly. Lapis nodded.

“Yeah, just one more thing.”

Pearl turned back to her, baby blue eyes wide.

Lapis smiled, before she leaned toward, cupping Pearl’s face with her hands and kissing her gently. She felt Pearl gasp ever so slightly before leaning into the kiss.

She could taste the gloss on Pearl’s lips that she always wore. It smelled like strawberries.

Finally she pulled away, because Lapis had already made her late once that day and she couldn’t do it again.

Lapis was happy to see a smile on Pearl’s face after they both pulled apart. Pearl opened her eyes, and they were wider, more bright looking.

Pearl let out a slightly breathless giggle. Lapis snorted. They both laughed for a moment. Finally Pearl sighed, letting her head fall against Lapis’s.

“Thank you. For caring.” Pearl murmured faintly.

Lapis rolled her eyes. “You need to stop thanking me for doing something that I’m going to do anyway.”

Pearl laughed, her cheeks flushing even more. Lapis felt a swelling feeling in her chest, and she kissed Pearl softly on her cheek.

Slowly a smile grew on Pearl’s face, and Lapis felt a brush of relief. Pearl finally looked up, and sighed, but she was still smiling.

“I’ve got to go now. But Lapis…” she trailed off.

Lapis rolled her eyes before pressing a last kiss to her lips. With that she pulled away, and tugged Pearl onto her feet.

Pearl groaned. “I hate it when you do that.” Pearl said, frowning a little bit. Lapis arched an eyebrow.

“When I what?”

Pearl hesitated, before smiling slyly. “Kissing me when I need to go.” Lapis snorted.

“Well, that’s too bad. It’s something you’ll just have to get used to.” Her cheeks flushed at that. So did Pearl’s.

Pearl stared at her for a moment. “Thank you Lapis.” she said softly.

“Pearl, you don’t have to-“

Pearl cut her off. “Yes Lapis, I know. But I-I’m just glad that I have you to talk to. At home…it’s just hard, sometimes.” she sighed.

Suddenly she leaned forward, pressing a gentle kiss to Lapis’s cheek. Her lips brushed Lapis’s skin soft as a butterfly, yet Lapis felt her face immediately burn red at the action.

Pearl pulled back quickly, and her eyes met Lapis’s for a moment. She cleared her throat.

“Well…I suppose I'll see you tomorrow. Bye.” she mumbled quickly, darting away. The front door clicked closed behind her.

Lapis stared after her, a moment later raising a hand to her still burning cheek.  Slowly she let out a sigh, a breath that she hadn’t known that she was holding.

Vaguely she wondered how on Earth it was fair that she could kiss Pearl however and the girl did little more than flush slightly, but all Pearl had to do was kiss her cheek and she turned as red as a tomato.

That was not fair.

A stupid smile curled around her lips. Yeah, not fair at all.

                                                                                                                   -:-

Pearl dashed all the way home.

And she was certainly eyed strangely by every person that she passed. After all, running, unless for physical fitness, was incredibly unladylike, or at least in her mother’s option.

But Pearl currently did not care how ladylike she appeared to gossipy passersby.

It was going to be far worse for her if she wasn’t home by the time her mother returned from her bridge club. The only hope she had was that the ladies club had run over, as it often did.

She clutched her books tighter, grateful for her decision to wear flats earlier that morning.

At last she reached her house. She sighed with relief when she saw that her mother’s car was still gone from the driveway. Quickly she went around the backway, in through the kitchen backdoor. Gently she opened the back door, careful not to creak it.

She exhaled as she slipped into the kitchen, a wave of relief rushing over her. She had made it home before her mother, and now no one would know that she had been at Lapis’s house.

It had all worked out perfectly-

The refrigerator door shut suddenly, her spindly grandmother straightening up from behind the door. Pearl froze.

Her grandmother eyed her with something akin to amusement. “So. Where did you come dashing in from?”

Pearl’s mouth hung open. “I- ah…”

Suddenly the gravely sound of her mother’s car pulling into the driveway floated into the kitchen. Pearl turned to the sound with a look of horror.

This couldn’t be happening.

The back door opened, and Pearl almost wanted to cry. There was no way her grandmother wasn’t going to tell her mother that she had just come running in from who knows where.

She exhaled shakily, smiling weakly at her mother.

“Hello dear.” her mother said absently.

“Hi.” Pearl murmured, knowing what was coming next.

Her mother blinked, staring at Pearl, who knew she was probably a rumpled mess from running home like that.

“What on Earth have you been doing? You look like a disaster.” her mother said, her lips pursing together into a straight line.

Pearl swallowed. “Mother, I-“

“Oh, it’s not that big of a deal. I asked her if she could help me unpack some things in my room for me. We both got a bit messy.” her grandmother said, taking a sip of water from the glass in her hands.

Pearl stared at her incredulously, but her grandmother’s expression betrayed nothing. Her mother sighed.

“All right. But Pearl, go get straightened up. You look like a heathen.”

Pearl nodded like lighting, and practically dashed out of the room. Her mind was churning. Why had her grandmother lied?

She had no reason to want to help Pearl.  Pearl bit her lip.

So why?

Pearl slipped into her bedroom, shutting the door behind herself. Maybe it was some kind of tactic to get Pearl to like her. For her and Pearl to bond or something. Pearl swallowed. But that was a strange way for any adult to be acting.

Vaguely she wondered what she should do about it. She wanted to know what reasons her grandmother had for her odd behavior, but a growing part of her simply wanted to ignore the incident entirely.

She sighed, rubbing her eyes wearily. Whatever her reasons were, Pearl didn’t have the time to waste wondering about them.

Shaking her head to herself she sat down at her desk and began to work on her massive pile of homework.

                                                                                                                       -:-

  
Lapis felt a sparkle of annoyance.

Glancing over her shoulder she saw the pair of younger girls that had come inside the door shop a few moments before, both talking rapidly with one another. Very loudly, she might add.

Lapis rolled her eyes and went over to another aisle. People that lacked any concept of personal space were a special sort of infuriating in Lapis’s opinion. But it wasn’t important, if she could just get away from them.

Suddenly something caught her eye on the shelves.

Carefully she reached out, tracing a finger lightly over the binding of a book.

The binding was an interesting material, almost like a worn animal skin of some sort. Her curiosity made her pull out the book, which was strangely wedged between the rest of the books on the shelf. She had to give it two or three good yanks before it finally came loose. It fell into her hands with a thunk.

The cover was blank, except for a bit of ornate gold designs in the corners.

It was a strange sort of book; Lapis wasn’t certain it even was a book, or at least one that was for sale.

Opening it, she winced at the strong smell of dust and age that drifted from the pages. She stifled a cough into the palm of her hand. After a moment she glanced back to the book, and what she saw surprised her.

Flipping quickly through the pages she realized that every single piece of paper bound in the book was covered from top to bottom in a slightly messy scrawl of words.

Or, at least Lapis assumed that they were words, although if they were, they weren’t any language that she knew of.

She stared down at the book, and a moment passed before she realized that her hands were trembling.

This was ridiculous.

Here she was, standing alone in a corner of a bookstore, shaking because she picked up a strange book.

She swallowed. It was stupid.

But the feeling that she had held this book before was overwhelming her. She exhaled. Quickly she flipped to the very back of the book, trying to see if any of the writing inside was legible. But it was all written in the same strange scrawl.

She bit her lip. If she were to actually spend money on a book that she couldn’t even read it would be ridiculous. But as she stared down at the book in her hands, she realized that she had to. It was almost compelling in a way.

She sighed and went to the front counter to buy the silly thing.

The woman who had been working the time before, Garnet she remembered, was there again.

She was staring down intently at the book in her hands, eyes still covered with dark glasses despite the fact that she was indoors. She glanced up as Lapis approached the counter.

A slight grin tugged at her mouth. “I remember you. Lapis right?” she said with her accent lilting her voice in a way that was slightly musical.

Lapis smiled slightly. “Yeah. You’re Garnet.”

Garnet grinned. “Yep.”

Garnet glanced down at the book in Lapis’s hands. “You wanna buy that?” Lapis blinked.

“Oh, sorry.” she shifted awkwardly. “I was wondering if it was for sale? I didn’t see any kind of price on it.”

Garnet shook her head. “It’s a used book. We don’t tag those, the stickers can be damaging.” Garnet took the book from her, and flipped through the pages quickly.

Lapis shifted on her feet. “So, how much is it?” she asked finally.

Garnet glanced up at her, almost as though she had forgotten Lapis was there. She was still for a moment, but then she handed the book back to Lapis. Lapis’s brow furrowed. “What are-“

“It’s your’s.” Lapis stared at her. “Do you mean like, free?”

Garnet shrugged. “It’s your’s. Not the store’s.”

Lapis eyes narrowed. “Did-“ she bit her lip. “Did it belong to me?”

Garnet stared at her through her glasses, expression betraying nothing. “I never said that either. I just said that it’s yours.” Lapis exhaled, and nodded.

“All right. Thank you.”

Garnet nodded. Lapis turned to leave, when Garnet spoke again.

“That girl- the one you mentioned last time. What-what happened with that?”

Lapis hesitated.

“We-we’re together now.” she said, and smiled.

Garnet adjusted her glasses, and smiled a bit, almost to herself. “That’s wonderful.” Lapis nodded once, a tiny smile on her face.

“Yeah. It is.”

There was a pause, and then suddenly an enormous rumble shook the building. Garnet turned to the window, and Lapis followed her gaze. Outside the weather had changed drastically, the sky now practically blackened in color.

Garnet stared at it, as another rumble broke through the room. She turned to Lapis. “You need to get home. That’s going to be a bad storm.”

Lapis stared at her for a moment, her mind still confused. “…yeah. Okay.” she said, nodding.

“I need to wrap that for you too.” Garnet said, neatly snatching the old book from Lapis’s hands. Hands moving with remarkable speed she wrapped the book entirely in a plastic wrap like material, then handed it back to Lapis.

Lapis took it gratefully. “Thank you.”

Garnet gestured to the door. “The storm. Hurry.” Lapis nodded, then hurried out the door into the wind blown world.

She zipped up her leather jacket, very grateful that she had worn it, and set off on the long walk home.

                                                                                                                      -:-

  
Pearl shivered.

The dressing room in the dance studio was always so unnecessarily freezing.

Quicker now, she finished lacing up her ballet shoes and slipped out of the dressing room. She would warm up once she began to dance, but right now she felt sort of like a block of ice.

She rubbed at her bare shoulders, wishing not for the first time that the ballet uniform was a sweater and leggings rather than a leotard. But that was that.

Tiredly she rubbed at her eyes, passing other girls in the hallway. Some were sitting and talking with friends, but most were busy stretching or getting their shoes tied on as well.

Pearl stifled a yawn with the back of her hand.

It wasn’t that she didn’t enjoy dancing.  She loved it. It was wonderful to come to the studio, and it was wonderful to get away from her parents.

But it would also be nice to not be so…tired all the time.

She rubbed at the corner of her eye. As much as she hated to admit it, Lapis was right. She was trying to do too much. She was over doing it.

But she also didn’t have a choice. School was important. Good grades were important. And ballet was important.

It was all important, and she had to do all of it.

Even if she felt as though she would collapse under all of the pressure. She sighed. The thing that was honestly coming up short out of all of this was Lapis.

The time that they were supposed to be spending together more often then not ended up being time that she simply passed out in Lapis’s lap. And that couldn’t be fun for Lapis, just watching her sleep all the time.

Suddenly she felt sort of bad. Lapis had always been so nice to her, and Pearl wasn’t really doing the same. That wasn’t fair.

Pearl shut her eyes. She was being a terrible girlfriend.

She rubbed her forehead, trying to crush the creeping feeling of a headache beginning. Slouched against a wall, she didn’t notice someone approach behind her.

“Pearl? You look like trash.” said a high voice, sniffing slightly. Another person elbowed her, causing the girl to cry out a complaint.

Pearl opened her eyes, a small tired smile on her face. “Hello Blair, Sky.”

The blonde haired girl sniffed again, arching an eyebrow at Pearl. “Yes, hello to you too, but seriously.” her eyes swept down Pearl’s body. “You look terrible.”

Dark haired Sky elbowed her again. “Blair, stop being so mean.” she turned to Pearl, soft concern in her shining blue eyes. “But really Pearl…are you all right?”

Pearl sighed. “Yes. I’m just feeling a bit tired, that’s all.”

Sky touched her shoulder gently. “All right. Well, we just came to find you-“

“It’s time for your part and the teacher couldn’t find you. You’re late.” Blair interrupted, crossing her arms.

Pearl bit her lip, nodding quickly. “Yes, of course. I’m so sorry.”

Blair rolled her eyes at the apology and gestured to the door. “Well if you’re so sorry, then let’s get going.”

Pearl nodded, and followed the other two girls down the hallway to the main studio.

                                                                                                                       -:-

       
Pearl slouched down on the floor, her legs throughly exhausted.

Sky and Blair sat down beside her. Blair eyed her with a slight frown and Sky still had a worried look on her face.

Pearl shut her eyes. So maybe Lapis hadn’t been crazy when she had made Pearl sleep that afternoon.

“Maybe you should go home Pearl. You look almost white.” Sky asked, her eyes soft.  Pearl frowned.

“I know I look terrible. You two are not the first to inform me that I look exhausted and awful. But I’m not going home till I’m done. Got it?”

Blair and Sky exchanged a glance, but then Sky nodded. Blair smirked.

“That’s Pearl. Stubborn till she falls down dead.”

Sky glared at her. “That’s awful Blair.” Pearl smiled dryly.

“It’s honestly the truth. But let’s talk about something else. Please?”

Blair arched an eyebrow. “Fine. Have I told you? I got that internship that I applied for at the mayor’s office.”

Pearl eyes widened.  “How? That was supposed to be really hard to get.”

Blair smirked widely. “Yes, well, I suppose that I just had something that she liked.”

“And because you’re the mayor’s niece.” Sky added with a tiny smirk, folding her hands neatly in her lap. Blair scowled at her.

Pearl smiled at the both of them. “That’s great Blair. I know how important that internship was to you.” Pearl said kindly.

Blair’s expression softened a bit and she grinned. “I just can’t wait to be actually working with the mayor.” Pearl laughed slightly.

“Yes, I hear she’s quite a woman.”

Sky shifted on the floor, and the other two girls looked over at her curiously. Blair frowned at her. “What is it Sky?”

The dark haired girl shook her head. “Nothing.”

Blair scowled. “Would you just spit it out?”

Sky sighed quietly. “It’s just…people say things about the mayor. That some of the things she’s done aren’t legal, or safe.” Pearl looked at Sky curiously.

“Who says that?” Sky glanced out the darkening window.

“My parents.” she said quietly.

Blair frowned at the floor, and Sky seemed to notice her reaction.

“Hey.” she murmured softly, reaching for Blair’s hand. “I just…want you to be careful, all right? And it is a great opportunity too. I’m sorry.” she said, tracing her finger over Blair’s knuckles.

Pearl watched them, and began to wonder something. She kept her mouth closed, and simply watched her two friends, who seemed to have forgotten that she was sitting right there.

After a moment the teacher called to Sky, and she got up, squeezing Blair’s hand a last time. Then she stood, walking across the room to where the teacher was standing.  Pearl saw how Blair’s eyes followed her as she left.

She smiled faintly.

“Blair?” Pearl asked softly.

Blair’s eyes flitted away from Sky to Pearl like lightning. “What?” she snapped harshly.

Pearl tilted her head, unaffected by her tone. “You should tell her.” Pearl said quietly, glancing over at Sky, who was talking about something with a bright look on her face.

Blair tried to keep her angry scowl, but it wilted as she looked at Sky. “I-I…”

Pearl shook her head. “Just something to think about, all right?”

Pearl stood, rubbing her back, which was starting to hurt ever so slightly. She felt Blair watching her, but she couldn't bring herself to look at the other girl.

Carefully she extended her leg, beginning to run through the steps again. Her mind though stayed with Sky and Blair.

She had been friends with the other two girls for years and years. They had all started dancing around the same time, and even though they had spent less and less time together lately, they were still close.

Although Blair and Sky seemed to be…closer.

Pearl smiled slightly. Blair tried to hide it, Pearl could see that, but she liked Sky.

It was all so…strange.

It wasn’t right. All three of them, they were supposed to be close, but not _too_ close. Find very nice, polite, handsome boys to date, then marry, and then work on church events and charity projects together.

Still close, but not… _too_ close.

Pearl extended her leg carefully behind her, letting her body fall into a graceful twirl.

That was what she was told. But it…it wasn’t right. Blair and Sky…they should be together. Her and Lapis. Garnet’s mothers. All things that everyone said was wrong.

Things that her parents liked to pretend simply didn’t exist.

It was taking longer than she imagined it could, but Pearl was finally starting to realize that everything she had been hold might have been wrong.

And if it was, if nothing was the way her parents had told her, then maybe, just maybe there was room for her to breath. There was room for her to be who she actually was.

She exhaled deeply, and continued to dance.

                                                                                                                 -:-

  
Finally the rehearsal finished.

Pearl was the last one to leave the building, since her teacher had wanted to keep running through several sections that Pearl was having difficulty with.

She was grateful for the extra practice, but now that she had finished, it felt as though every muscle in her body was on fire. She groaned, letting her head fall against the cool wall of the dressing room.

Finally after a moment of rest, she straightened, removed her dance shoes and replaced them with a pair of flats. Then she slipped on her skirt that she wore over her leotard and a sweater.

She waved goodnight to her teacher, who was staying late to work on paperwork, and slipped into the night.

Unlike earlier that day, which had been relatively warm, the night air was freezing cold, the howling wind blowing through the trees. Pearl shivered, wrapping her sweater tighter around herself. It did little to keep out the wind though.

She quickened her pace.

She was almost at her house, about ten minutes away, when suddenly the sky crashed with thunder and a bright flash of lighting. In an instant it began to pour rain.

Oh good grief.

Quickly she glanced around, looking for any kind of cover.

Luckily there was a phone booth a few yards from her. Quickly she darted inside.

Once inside she slammed shut the door. Rain pounded at the glass rthymically, and the sound was deafening.

Pearl shivered again, rubbing at her arms tiredly. Slowly she let her head fall against the glass.

This was awful. All she wanted to do now was get some sleep, but now she was stuck in this phone booth in the pouring rain.

She dug around in her bag. Then, trying to calm a wave of frustration, she exhaled. She didn’t even have any money to call someone with.

Just as she was about to start crying uncontrollably, a shadow darted across just outside the phone booth. She blinked, glancing around curiously. Suddenly the dark shadowy figure appeared in front of the booth.

Pearl stared at it wide eyed, too tired to even be all that afraid. The figure opened the door before Pearl could think of something to do.

They quickly closed the door back, and turned. Pearl’s eyes widened as she realized the figure was-

“Lapis?”

Lapis turned, surprise clear on her face.

“Pearl?”

“What are you doing here?” they both said simultaneously.

They stared at each other for a second. It could have been the ridiculousness of the situtation, or maybe Pearl was just so tired she finally lost her mind. But suddenly she started to laugh. Soon they both were.

Once they finally managed to catch their breath Pearl eyed Lapis curiously. “How does this keep happening?” she asked, still a bit breathless.

Lapis arched an eyebrow, running a hand through her dripping wet hair. Pearl swallowed. “Just…it’s a bit insane that we would both be stuck in the same phone booth at the same time.”

Lapis smirked. “I’m not following you around, I promise.” Pearl shook her head quickly.

“Oh, no that’s not- I mean I-“ she stopped, her cheeks warming slightly. “I don’t mind being stuck here with you.” she murmured softly, her eyes downcast.

Lapis smiled faintly.

The rain kept pounding desperately against the glass walls of the booth. It was because she was tired, certainly, but Pearl’s mind kept flitting back to tiny ridiculous details around her.

The way Lapis kept tapping her fingernails against her black jeans. The way her hair hung pressed against her cheeks in short damp strands, a way that should look terrible on anyone.

It did not look terrible on Lapis.

Suddenly she was very aware of just how small the stupid phone booth was. Why the universe kept making her get stuck in teeny tiny places with Lapis far too close to her, Pearl had no idea.

She blinked, as her head began to pound violently.

Lapis eyed her worriedly, but Pearl was in too much of a daze to pay much attention. Suddenly she sneezed. Then she sneezed again.

Lapis gasped.

“Oh, Pearl! You’re all wet. You must be freezing. God, I don’t know why…” she muttered to herself.

She quickly slipped off her leather jacket and held it out to Pearl. Pearl stared at it dumbly. “What-“

“Take it.” Lapis said forcefully.

Pearl just kept staring at the jacket as though she had never seen one before.

Lapis’s eyes flitted over her. “Oh. You need to take that sweater off, Pearl it’s soaked.”

Pearl nodded, but made no move to move. Lapis smiled, rolling her eyes. “I’ll help you.”

She slipped over to where Pearl stood, and quickly began to undo the buttons on her cartigan. Her hands moved quickly across the buttons, and once they were all undone, she tugged the entire damp thing from Pearl’s shoulders.

With her sweater gone she was left in her leotard, her shoulders bare. She shivered again.

Lapis’s eyes flitted across her chest, her hands still lingering on her shoulders. Lapis blinked, and cleared her throat, and Pearl noticed a faint pinkness on her cheeks.

Vaguely, she wondered why.

Lapis draped her jacket over Pearl’s shoulders, and Pearl slipped her arms into the sleeves. It fit rather well, although the sleeves were a bit short. She sighed with relief, once she realized how warm the jacket actually was.

“T-thank you.” she murmured softly.

Lapis smiled, although there was a slight nervousness behind it. Pearl looked at her curiously. “What is it?”

Lapis swallowed. “I-ah.”

“What?”

Lapis stared at her. Pearl realized that they were slowly getting closer and closer to one another. “Lapis?”

“Yeah?”

Pearl exhaled shakily. “If you-ah wanted to kiss me, it would be fine.” Pearl’s cheeks flushed bright red. Suddenly Lapis smiled vaguely.

“All right.”

She moved forward, with a movement like an ocean wave, slow and graceful, till it all crashed down upon Pearl. She gasped with slight surprise, even though she knew it was going to happen.

Lapis’s hands found a grip on Pearl’s borrowed jacket, tugging her closer. Pearl’s back was pressed into the glass of the phone booth, and she could feel the coolness of the glass against the back of her head.

The kiss was slow and gentle, yet she could still feel Lapis’s restraint in it.

Pearl frowned slightly.

She didn’t want restraint.

Her body, even though it ached from exhaustion like fire, was desperate for more stimulus. She wanted Lapis to kiss her as hard as she could.

She shifted against the glass, burying her hands into Lapis’s hair. Lapis gasped, pulling back slightly.

Her eyes ran across her face, studying it carefully. “Is-is this okay?” she murmured, her voice cracking slightly.

Pearl frowned, her hands still buried in Lapis’s damp hair. “Lapis.” she said, almost whimpering.

Lapis smiled vaguely. “I can keep kissing you?”

Pearl looked at her reproachfully. “Yes.”

A slight nod from Lapis was all she got before Lapis rushed forward again, pressing her lips firmly against Pearl’s.

It was honestly all fascinating, really.

The fact that even while she was soaked to the bone, and stuck in a freezing cold phone booth that Lapis’s kisses still made her feel as though she were on fire.

Her lips were cold, and ever so slightly chapped, but Pearl didn’t care if they felt like sandpaper as long as she was kissing Lapis.

Finally Lapis pressed a last kiss against her lips, before she pulled away. Pearl sighed, trying her hardest not to whine about it.

“What?” she mumbled.

Lapis smiled, and gestured to the the door. “Listen. The rain. It stopped.”

Pearl stared at the darkened wall through the glass, her eyes blinking through her exhaustion. She listened for a moment. Sure enough the rain had stopped.

Lapis smiled at her, and stepped back so Pearl could unpress herself from the glass wall of the phone booth.

Without the weight of Lapis pressed up against her Pearl suddenly felt very dizzy. Without any warning, her knees suddenly crumpled under her own weight. She would’ve fallen flat onto the floor if Lapis hadn’t been so close already and managed to grab her arm.

Pearl blinked, waves of dizzyness rushing over her. Lapis gripped her arm tightly. “Pearl, are you okay?” she asked worriedly.

Pearl glanced over at her, head still spinning. “I-I fine. Just…I feel dizzy.” she mumbled.

Lapis stared at her for a moment. “Okay.”

Quickly Lapis wrapped an arm around her waist, and Pearl was grateful for the support.

“I’m going to get you home. If you start feeling bad again you need to tell me okay?”

Pearl nodded, then wrinkled her nose. Suddenly she sneezed, then sneezed again.

Pearl sniffled, staring at Lapis sadly. “I think I’m sick.” she said softly.

Lapis nodded. “Let’s get you home.”

Pearl groaned, almost to herself, sniffling slightly. “My mother is going to be furious.” she mumbled sadly.

Lapis didn’t say anything to that, but Pearl felt her grip on her waist tighten slightly. They opened the door of the booth and began the walk back to Pearl’s house.

                                                                                                                             -:-

Lapis tried to not worry, but she couldn’t keep herself from glancing over at Pearl far too many times.

Her stomach tightened.

It was dark, so she couldn’t see perfectly, but Pearl, as much as she could tell, looked terrible. She was as white as a sheet, and sneezing every little bit. Her eyes were bloodshot, and she looked exhausted.

Lapis held her by the waist, and it felt as though it were the only thing that was actually keeping her upright.

Pearl kept glancing around dizzily. Lapis bit down her worry, and tried to focus on getting Pearl home as quickly as Pearl could manage it. Finally they reached her house.

Lapis offered Pearl her hand, and helped her up the stairs.

Once they made it onto the porch Lapis was about to ring the doorbell for Pearl’s horrible mother, when suddenly she heard someone clear their throat. Lapis glanced over, and noticed for the first time a tiny old woman sitting on a chair on Pearl’s porch.

Her face was very old, but her eyes shone a lively green. “Hello.” she said brightly.

Lapis stared at her. Swaying slightly, Pearl waved to her. “Hello Grandma.”

Lapis glanced over at Pearl questionably. Pearl blinked.

“Oooh. Lapis, this is my grandma. Grandma, this…this is Lapis.”

The old woman, who Lapis figured must be Pearl’s grandmother, the one staying with them, smiled at Lapis. “Hello dear. Nice to meet you.”

Lapis nodded, currently too tired and worried about Pearl to focus well on niceties. “Pearl’s not feeling well, she says she’s dizzy. She-we got stuck in the rain and-“ Lapis babbled till her grandmother held up her hand.

“Don’t worry dear. Pearl just needs a little sleep, that’s all.”

She stood, taking Pearl from Lapis with surprising strength for such an old woman.

Pearl smiled at Lapis sleepily. “Thank you…you’re so nice.” she said dizzily. And, before she could stop her, Pearl planted a messy kiss on the side of Lapis’s cheek.

Her grandmother pushed her gently through the door. “Go on upstairs now. I’ll be there in a minute.”

Pearl nodded, and went inside. Her grandmother turned to Lapis.

Lapis’s cheeks burned. Her grandmother smirked. “That was very sweet of you to bring her home.”

Lapis nodded quickly. “I’m…I’m glad to.”

Her grandmother smiled. “She needs some rest. But I’m sure she’ll love some company tomorrow.”

Lapis blinked. “Do you-“

“Why don’t you come by tomorrow afternoon to see her then?” Lapis nodded, smiling.

“All right. Thank you.” Lapis said softly. She smiled, and left unsure of what to say next, turned away to leave.

“I appreciate this Lapis.” the woman said behind her. Lapis turned, glancing over her shoulder.

She smiled hesitantly. “Sure.” she said, and with that she left, walking away into the night.

                                                                                                                          -:-

  
Sure enough, Pearl was entirely sick the next morning.

Her mother had lectured her the previous night after she came in dripping wet and soaked to the bone. She had been so upset with Pearl that she hadn’t even noticed Pearl wearing Lapis’s leather jacket.

Pearl had merely stood silent, waiting for her mother to finish. Once she finally had, her grandmother had pushed her upstairs to get changed for bed. Pearl had quickly taken all of her wet clothes off, and took a boiling shower.

The water was nice, and had slightly eased her aching muscles.  After that she had stumbled into her bed, and immediately fallen into a deep heavy sleep.

The moment she awoke the next morning she groaned at the heavy feeling in her head.

Her mother had insisted that she stay in bed that day, and Pearl had hardly argued with her she felt so terrible.

The morning was unpleasant. Her head spun, and she drifted in and out of fitful dreams.

People came in her room, but she was barely aware of them.

Her mother, pouring foul medicine into cups. Her grandmother muttering things into her ear.

She simply lay her head onto her pillows and let everything float around her.

Once she even saw Rose.

Her beautiful curls falling around her face, heart shaped lips murmuring something Pearl couldn’t understand. She leaned closer, her face in a dizzying beautiful swirl.

Pearl swallowed.

A hand on her wrist, pressing against her cheek.

Her eyes closed.

When she opened them again the swirling had stopped.

She sighed. It had only been a dream.

She sniffled, pulling her blankets up closer around herself. There was a faint knock on the door.

Pearl quickly shut her eyes as the door cracked open.

Heels clicked against the floor, and Pearl heard her mother sigh. She tried her best to remain perfectly still, her breath even and slow. She could feel her mother standing over her.

Slowly she felt a shift in the mattress, as her mother sat down beside her. Then slowly she felt a hand brush over her hair, smoothing it gently.

Her mother sighed heavily. “My poor baby.” she murmured softly.

Pearl kept still.

Her mother continued to brush her hair, the movement gentle.

Finally she rose carefully from the bed. After another moment of quiet her heels clicked across the floor, and the door creaked close behind her.

Pearl opened her eyes, and she was surprised to find that the corners of them were wet.

She sniffled again.

                                                                                                                    -:-

Pearl continued to drift in and out of sleep till she was awakened by another knock on her door.  She sighed, and kept her eyes open this time.

She would have to talk to someone eventually.

The door creaked open, and a familiar blue head poked inside the room.

Pearl beamed.  “Lapis! What are you doing here?” she asked in wonder.

Lapis smiled gently. "Your grandmother let me in.”

She slipped into the bedroom, shutting the door softly behind herself.

Pearl sat up against the pillows, watching her with a smile. “You didn’t have to come.”

Lapis rolled her eyes. “Please. Course I did. Beside’s, English was super boring without you.” she said with a grin.

Pearl blushed, before suddenly sneezing. She sniffled, her cheeks red.

Suddenly she realized that she must look terrible, her hair unbrushed, face bare of makeup and wrapped in pajamas and an old sweater.

“Sorry…I must look a mess.” she said, staring down at her hands.

Lapis stared at her, before she plopped down on the bed and curled an arm around Pearl’s shoulders. “You look like some kind of tragic, sick princess right now.” she said grinning.

Pearl flushed, and hid her face in Lapis’s shoulder.

Lapis laughed, rubbing her shoulder gently. “I don’t think you could be not cute if you tried.” Lapis said, still laughing.

Pearl groaned into her shoulder, very aware of how red her face now was. Even though it was silly, it still felt nice to hear Lapis say things like that.

Even if it did embarrass her enormously.

She sighed into Lapis’s neck. “Lapis…”

“Hm?” She groaned quietly.

“I feel awful.”

Lapis sighed. “I know. I feel so sorry for you right now.”

Pearl lifted her head from Lapis’s neck and smiled slightly. “You’d better.”

Lapis stared at her for a moment, her eyes studying over Pearl’s face. Slowly she pressed a kiss against her still lips, a hand on her neck, pulling her closer.

Pearl sighed slightly, leaning into her softly.

Lapis’s lips moved against her own in a quiet rhythm and the sensation made her feel tingly in her stomach. Suddenly she remembered something.

She pulled away, a hand on Lapis’s shoulder.

Lapis’s eyes opened in an instant, immediately staring down at her worriedly. “What is it? I-is something wrong?”

Pearl rubbed her face tiredly. “Lapis, we can’t kiss right now!” she said suddenly.

Lapis’s eyebrows furrowed together. “Okay- all right…um…why?” she asked, confusion clear on her face.

Pearl stared at her. “I’m sick Lapis! If we kiss we’re sure to be spreading all kinds of germs back and forth between us! It just simply isn’t sanitary at all-“

She was abruptly silenced by Lapis’s mouth on her's.

Lapis pulled back a moment later, a frankly insufferable smirk plastered on her face. “You were saying?” she said lowly.

Pearl glared at her. “You are so mean.” she murmured, pouting. Lapis laughed, tucking her arm around her once again.

“I am.” she said cheerfully.

Pearl rolled her eyes, nestling into her side.

They sat like that for a while, Pearl curled onto her chest while Lapis alternated from stroking her hair or her shoulder.

Pearl was almost starting to feel distracted from the massive pressure in her skull when Lapis mumbled something. Pearl glanced up.

“What?”

“What are those?” Lapis asked, gesturing to a vase of flowers sitting on Pearl’s dresser. Pearl shifted, sitting up slightly.

“I-I don’t know.” Pearl said softly. Her brow furrowed.

Lapis stood up to look. “Wonder if there’s a card.”

Pearl immediately missed her warmth at her side.

“Oh, there is.” Lapis said, plucking a small card from the vase’s side. Pearl wondered who in the world would bother to send her flowers.

They were very pretty, gorgeous in fact. Pearl suspected if she weren’t so sick she might even be able to smell them from across the room.

They appeared to be some kind of pink flower, perhaps…roses.

Pearl bit her lip.

“It says there from someone named Rose. Is that someone you know?”

Pearl sighed, letting her head fall back against the pillows. “Yes. It is.”

Lapis stared at her for a moment, before coming back to her bed.

“She was that woman in the car. With all the curls.”

Pearl smiled wryly. “You have a good memory.” Lapis shrugged.

“So…were you two…a thing?” Lapis asked hesitantly.

Pearl cast her eyes downward. Slowly she shook her head.

Pearl could feel Lapis was still staring at her, so slowly she raised her eyes to meet Lapis’s. “We were friends. But we…aren’t anymore.”

Lapis nodded, and hesitantly came to sit on the corner of Pearl’s bed.

“I’m sorry.” Lapis murmured, taking her hand and squeezing it gently.

Pearl shrugged as well as she could being covered in blankets. Lapis squeezed her hand as she sneezed again.

Pearl sniffled, feeling thoroughly horrible.

“I do feel really sorry for you right now.” Lapis said, smiling wryly.

“You should.” Pearl mumbled through blowing her nose.

“You know,” Pearl began quietly, “if the germ thing weren’t so inexcusable, I really wouldn’t mind you, ah, doing-holding er,” she stopped, blushing to her collarbones.

Lapis smirked, and with a swift moment climbed back onto the bed and wrapped her arm around Pearl’s shoulders once more.

“This good?” Lapis asked with a grin.

Pearl smiled, nuzzling into her shoulder. “It is terribly germy for you, but yes. This is nice.”

Lapis smiled, tugging her slightly closer.

They stayed curled up for a little while, before something popped into Pearl’s head.

She lifted her head from Lapis’s shoulder, glancing up at the other girl. Lapis smiled at her. “What?”

Pearl bit her lip. “I’ll tell you what happened with me and Rose. I promise.”

“Pearl you don’t-“

“I want to.” Pearl said quickly, cutting her off. “But do you mind if it’s not right now?”

Lapis smiled gently. “Sure. You can tell me whenever you want.” Pearl nodded, smiling gratefully.

“It’s just- it’s not something that makes me very happy to think about, and I feel so happy right now, I don’t want to mess it up.” Lapis laughed.

“I’m glad you’re happy Pearl. But really, you don’t have to tell me at all if you don’t want to. It’s your business, not mine. I don’t care.”

Pearl smiled at that, and let her head fall back against the curve of Lapis’s neck with a slight sigh. Lapis’s fingers played with a curl at the base of her neck absently.

“How long can you stay?” Pearl murmured. Lapis smiled sadly.

“Not much longer.”

“Nooo….” Pearl mumbled into her neck.

She felt Lapis’s grip around her body tighten. “I’ll leave once you’re asleep, all right?” Lapis said quietly. Pearl nodded.

“Okay.” she said softly.

Gently Lapis cupped her cheek and kissed her softly once more, and Pearl practically melted into it. After a moment they pulled apart, and Lapis tugged Pearl back into the pillows.

Pearl sighed, burying her head in Lapis’s shirt and even though it was against her will, she let her eyes slip closed.

                                                                                                                               -:-

Gently Lapis traced her finger along Pearl’s shoulder.

Pearl lay against her chest, her chest slowly rising and falling with slow gentle breaths. Her hands clutched tightly at Lapis’s sweater.

It was a relief for her to be getting sleep, Lapis could tell. It was something that the girl obviously desperately needed.

Lapis felt a fond smile sprout onto her face.

She was perfect.

And yet she didn’t even know it.

Pearl made a soft noise in her sleep, and Lapis glanced down worriedly. But she simply shifted her hips slightly, nuzzling closer to Lapis if it were physically possible.

It was an adorable surprise to see how affectionate she was while she was asleep.

Careful not to wake her, Lapis checked her watch. She bit back a sigh. Time for her to leave.

Slowly she tugged herself out of Pearl’s clutch, somehow miraculously managing not to wake Pearl up in the process.

She stood, glancing back at the other girl.

Pearl sniffed, making a small sound of discomfort at the absence of Lapis. It twisted Lapis’s heart slightly.

Gently she tugged the blankets up closer around her shoulders, carefully smoothing out the wrinkles.

After a moment of hesitation, she pressed a kiss gently against Pearl’s forehead. The tiniest smile appeared on Pearl’s face, and Lapis half wondered if she weren’t actually awake.

But she didn’t open her eyes.

Pearl simply sighed peacefully and shifted slightly to her side.

Lapis sighed, a gentle smile on her face.

After another glance behind herself, she finally managed to drag herself away. Softly she slipped out of her bedroom, shutting the door carefully behind herself.

She walked down the stairs, one of the steps creaking slightly as she passed. She was surprised to see Pearl’s grandmother waiting at the base of the stairs. She let herself smile, nodding to the older woman.

“She’s asleep now.”

The woman nodded. “Good. If she can get some sleep she’ll feel better in no time.” She stared up the stairway, and Lapis shifted awkwardly, unsure what is appropriate to say in a situation such as this.

She decided that politeness would never hurt.

“Thank you for letting me come over. I…I really appreciate it.” Lapis said honestly.

Her grandmother blinked, almost as if she had forgotten Lapis was standing there. Suddenly she grinned brightly. “Sure thing. I’m just glad Pearl has such a friend like you.”

Lapis looked at her oddly. But still, she smiled.

“I’m just glad to be Pearl’s friend.”

Her grandmother smiled at her, and there was a strange glint in her eyes. Lapis cleared her throat.

“Well, I really appreciate this, but my mother will be expecting me soon.”

The older woman nodded, and walked Lapis to the door. It took all of her power not to dash from the porch.

She exhaled, trying to calm her rushing nerves.

She knew.

Lapis ran a hand through her bangs, brushing them from her eyes. Pearl’s grandmother, she knew what Lapis was.

Certainly not a concerned friend, that was for sure.

Lapis swallowed.

It didn’t matter in the slightest for Lapis, it was Pearl that was going to be affected by Lapis’s bumbling. She groaned, rubbing at the bridge of her nose.

There was no way she could be sure. But that look in her eye. She had seen straight through Lapis.

And she could probably guess that Lapis was Pearl’s girlfriend.

Anyone honestly could if they were looking for it. But almost everyone was a moron who couldn’t see love if it whacked them in the face.

Pearl’s grandmother wasn’t like that though. Her eyes were open, looking. Lapis just hoped that her mind was open as well.

She shivered, zipping up her jacket.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Uh oh. 
> 
> This was a really fun chapter to write, I'm really happy with how it turned out! I hope you all like it too ;)
> 
> I just wanted to also mention that a really cool artist on tumblr drew fanart for this fic, and it is so great!!  
> Check it out here: https://cajda-chan.tumblr.com/post/158785777015/this-really-was-my-favourite-part-of-the
> 
> If anyone wants to draw fanart for this fic, I'd absolutely love you for it, and probably cry. 
> 
> Also, just for fun, someone mentioned a song that made them think of Pearlapis, and I was just curious, do any of you have good songs that would fit? I think mine would be I Got You by Bebe Rexha, it's just so- them :D


	10. libraries and worries and whales oh my

Pearl felt as though she was trapped in a swirling bubble of chaos.

Everything had been going sideways that morning, or perhaps more realistically, that week. She had half lied half begged her way back to school after her cold, desperate to get out of the house.

Although she didn’t know why she bothered, it was close to mid-terms and the work was beginning to pile. She had been studying furiously every night, and hadn’t even had the time to talk very much to Lapis. Which was something that she hated.

But there really wasn’t all that much she could do. All she could hope was that Lapis was understanding enough to continue dealing with her distractedness.

Pearl squinted, peering around her room for her trigonometry textbook. She found it stacked under a few other books on her nightstand. Quickly she snatched it from the pile and shoved it into her bag.

She ran down the stairs, ignoring her mother’s blooming lecture on how graceful young ladies do not trample down a staircase. Pearl wanted to add that, yes, in fact they did when they were running 10 minutes late.

She ran out the door, her mother saying something that she didn't wait to catch.

Finally after running most of the way Pearl finally managed to get to school. She checked her watch. 6:30.

She sighed. Somehow she wasn’t late. She exhaled breathlessly, straightened her cardigan, and slowly walked into the building.

                                                                                                                              -:-

  
Pearl fully understood the importance of volunteer work, and she respected it greatly. But if she had had any other choice, she would’ve probably avoided the entire subject.

But it was necessary for graduation, and besides, it looked wonderful on college application forms. So that was, she assumed, a good reason to volunteer in the school library at 6:30 in the morning.

She blinked. No, it really was not.

After a moment, she sighed. The old man, who apparently was the only person who ran the place, had given her a list of all the things that she needed to do.

It was going well, she had already swept and mopped the floors, and organized all of the returns.  Now she was currently in the middle of trying to get them all put away correctly.

The large room was utterly silent, and rather dark, since all the lights hadn’t been turned on yet.

The silence was rather discomforting, and Pearl kept humming to herself, trying to keep from feeling too creeped out. So far it was not working.

She began to hum mindlessly to herself.  Suddenly there was a loud creak from behind her.

A breath caught midway in her throat.

She whirled around, but the room was entirely empty. There was no one in the library.

She exhaled shakily. It was the lingering light-headedness that was causing her to act this way. Because this was entirely ridiculous.

There was no one there.

She sighed, and went back to shelving the books on the returns cart. Carefully she pushed one of the books into the correct spot, humming softly to herself.

She walked farther down the aisle, when suddenly there was a small thunk behind her. Pearl glanced behind herself, and saw the book she had just put away laying on the floor.

She frowned, going over and picked it up from the floor. Biting her lip, she carefully pushed the book back into place.

Keeping her eyes on it for a moment, she saw that it stayed there. Slowly she turned, only to hear it thunk onto the floor once more.

She turned around, her eyes fixed onto the book, suddenly barely able to breath. Slowly she picked it up and put it back on the shelf.

There was a stillness for a moment.

Then suddenly the book was shoved violently onto the floor.

Hands shaking, she bent over and picked up the book. Slowly she spoke. “Hello? Is someone there? What-what do you want?” Her voice sounded frightened and small in the huge room, and there was nothing but silence as a response.

Her hands gripped at the book tightly. She glanced down at it, her eyes tracing over the cover. Rather uninterestingly, the book was nothing more than a worn copy of Moby Dick. There was an illustration of a very angry sailor on the cover of it.

Pearl almost sighed at the boringness of it. For a book that was the cause of such stress it couldn't've at least been a book that she enjoyed?

Thoughtlessly she flipped through the pages, causing a folded piece of paper to fall from within the book’s pages. Hesitantly she bent over and picked it up.

Quickly she glanced around herself, but she was still alone. Slowly she unfolded the piece of paper.

Written in a blocky scrawl a message had been written onto the paper.

It read: _I know what you are. If you don’t want anyone to know, you’ll stop. Now._ The _now_ had been underlined with red pen.

Pearl stared down at the sheet of paper. Slowly she realized that her hands were shaking a great deal. She exhaled shakily.

They meant her. Her and Lapis. They knew.

Oh stars.

She began to tremble. What was she supposed to do?

“Pearl?” a voice said behind her.

Pearl practically jumped out of her shoes.

Slowly she turned, and there was a familiar bespecaled face staring back at her. “Peridot?” Pearl said after a moment.

Peridot adjusted her glasses on her nose with a frown. “The one and only.” Peridot stared at her curiously. “Are you all right?”

Pearl glanced over at the short girl, forcing a smile. “Of course,” she said laughing nervously, “what would make you say that?”

Peridot looked at her flatly. “You’re shredding that piece of paper in your hands.” Pearl glanced down, and sure enough, she was.

Peridot kept staring at her, and finally Pearl sighed. “Peridot…I need your help. Please.” she whispered. Peridot stared at her for a moment, then sighed.

“Okay.”

                                                                                                                       -:-

   
They sat down at one of the tables in the library, Pearl quickly explaining to Peridot what had happened. After a second of hesitation she showed Peridot the note.

The blonde scowled down at the piece of paper.

“-and so you think that this is because of you and Lapis.” Peridot finished.

Pearl nodded.

Peridot rubbed at her chin with all the drama of a master detective. In another time or place Pearl might have found it funny.

Peridot glanced up at Pearl. “Do you want to know?”

Pearl nodded.

Peridot shrugged.

“I have no idea. But I can figure it out.” she said quickly, as Pearl’s face fell.

“Thank you.” Pearl said, smiling gratefully. Peridot nodded once as she stood to leave.

“Really. Thank you for helping me. Us.” she said quietly. Peridot looked at her for a moment.

“Lapis is happier now, you know. She-she really likes you a lot.” Peridot said quickly.

Pearl blushed, staring down at her shoes. “Yes, well…I ah…I really like her too.”

 “Lapis told me. About you two.” Peridot said abruptly, her cheeks red. Pearl glanced up at the other girl.

“I know that both of you want to be private with…it. I wanted to tell you that I won’t tell anyone. Your secret is safe with me.” Peridot said, looking at her seriously.

Pearl stared at her for a moment, before she suddenly smiled. “Thank you Peridot. That…that really means a lot.” she said, voice suddenly hoarse.

Peridot shrugged. “Whatever. So. Are you working in here, or…” she trailed off, glancing at Pearl.

Pearl laughed dryly. “No. I’m just volunteering.” Peridot’s eyebrows scrunched together.

“Why?”

A dry smile was her answer. “College applications and graduation. I want to try and get some scholarship money and this will help with that.”

A look of begrudging admiration appears on Peridot’s face. “That’s a good idea. I’m working on some early college applications myself. Maybe we could…collaborate sometime.”

Pearl found herself smiling and nodding. “That would be great. I’d love someone to look over what I’ve got so far.” Peridot nodded firmly. “Okay. I’ve got to get to the chemistry lab, but let’s talk about it later.”

Pearl nodded, smiling slightly.

As she was leaving, Peridot suddenly turned around, a concerned expression on her face.

“Ah Pearl? Maybe…you should get to class as well.”

Pearl rolled her eyes. “It’s not time Peridot. My first class doesn’t start for another hour. I’ll be fine in here. Go on now.”

Peridot looked at her for a moment, then turned and left. Pearl heard her shoes clomp down the hallway and then fade away.

Pearl glanced around the empty library. It was still deserted, and she was still alone. She shook her head to herself, then went back to shelving the books.

                                                                                                                   -:-

  
Lapis frowned at herself in the mirror. Why did she always have to have such deep circles under her eyes?

Rolling her eyes she dabbed on concealer over them, although they were still a bit visible under the layer of makeup. Oh well. It’d have to do.

She buttoned up the front of her blouse, fingers sliding across the buttons briskly.

It was one of her favorite shirts, slim-fitted and patterned with black and white birds across the fabric.

She always appreciated it when clothes fit into her black and white (but mostly black) theme of dressing.

Squinting at herself in the mirror she frowned slightly. She was too tired looking. Forget about nagging Pearl about not getting enough sleep, she needed to start nagging herself.

Pearl had called her the night before, and thankfully, despite a faint cough she had sounded much better. The rest must have really helped her.

Stars knew she needed it.

Lapis sighed, running a hand through her hair. Ugh. She realized that she was going to have to re dye her hair soon. Her stupid blonde roots were just starting to peak through.

She leaned closer, squinting at the roots of her hair, brushing her bangs away from her forehead with her hands. Yep, they were totally starting to show.

Lapis sighed. Well, she couldn’t fix it now.

Thinking quickly, she grabbed a narrow plastic headband from her drawer. She stared at her reflection for a moment, thinking.

Suddenly she had an idea.

Picking up her brush, she used it to flip back the bangs that always covered her forehead, exposing more of her face than normal. Then, while holding her hair back with one hand, crammed the headband over her hair.

Blinking, she took a moment to study the results of her experiment.

Much more of her face was visible, although it didn’t look as terrible as Lapis thought it would. She made a slight hm of approval. Carefully she tucked a lock of blue hair behind her ear.

Yes, she did actually look rather nice.

Suddenly she blinked. She was being so…ridiculous.

This was just because she and Pearl were going to meet up that day. She was doing this because…she wanted Pearl to think she was pretty. Or something.

Lapis glanced over at herself in the glass. Was that bad?

No, she decided. This was…sort of fun.

She smiled to herself. Being with Jasper, it hadn’t mattered how she had done her makeup. The only thing Jasper had cared about was if she was down to make out.

Lapis scowled. She had to stop. Stop thinking about Jasper.

And stop comparing everything Pearl did to Jasper. She exhaled. She was going to go to school, and not think about Jasper anymore.

Because now she had a wonderful sweet girlfriend who was nothing like Jasper, and she didn’t need to concern herself with Jasper any longer.

Lapis exhaled slowly. Yes, this would work. Yes.

She rolled her eyes at her reflection and left for school.

                                                                                                                          -:-

  
When she got to school, there was a strange amount of activity in the halls, with all of the students tittering about something. As usual, Lapis was completely out of the loop.

But the chances were very high that it was about a sports game or something else stupid, and Lapis didn’t care one way or another.  So she tried her best to ignore the chatter, till she almost got smacked in the face with the cause of all the fuss.

Luckily she had been paying attention, or she would’ve been knocked off her feet by the obnoxiously huge banner that had suddenly been dropped by the people hanging it.

It was printed with the words, _Spring Formal This Friday!_  in bright neon lettering.

Lapis had to bite her tongue to keep a curse from popping out. She had a personal grudge against school dances, and this one was no exception.

The girl who had been trying to hang the stupid thing immediately sprang down from the ladder she was perched upon, her eyes wide. “Oh! I am so sorry! Are you all right?”

Lapis turned, a rather harsh retort on the tip of her tongue, but then her voice died in her throat. She stared wide-eyed at the girl, her hair long and full, beautiful pink curls falling down her back.

Lapis swallowed tightly.

Rose.

Rose stared at her worriedly.

“I-I’m fine. Thanks.” Lapis said tersely. Rose winced.

“I am so sorry about that. It just got away from me.” she laughed nervously.

Lapis nodded, forcing a smile. “Yeah. Well, I really got to get to class, so I guess I’ll just-“ she gestured down the hall.

Rose bit her lip. “Hey wait! Please, I feel terrible. Let me make it up to you.” she stared at Lapis pleadingly.

Lapis frowned.

Actually, Lapis didn’t give a damn if she felt terrible. Because it didn’t seem as though she gave a damn if Pearl felt terrible about her.

But Pearl was a secret. And it was better for everyone if she just kept her mouth shut, so she did.

Lapis sighed, stuffing her hands inside her jacket pockets. “That’s not necessary.” she said wearily.

Rose shook her head. “I know.” she said brightly, snapping her fingers together.

Briskly she charged over to a small table set up to one side of the hall. Lapis squinted at the sign written in a dizzyingly cursive handwriting.

She stared at it, trying to make out what it said.

Suddenly Rose was at her shoulder again, making Lapis jump. “Here.” Rose said forcefully, holding out two pieces of paper to Lapis.

Lapis stared at them stupidly. “Um, what-“

“Tickets. To the dance this Friday.”

Lapis blinked. “Uh…thanks? But I don’t really-“

Rose laughed. “Just take them. Usually you have to buy them, but I won’t tell anyone.” she said with a smirk.

Hesitantly Lapis took the tickets from her. “Thanks.” Lapis said, and she was surprised at how honest it sounded.

Rose nodded, smiling brightly. “Well, I’ve got to get this thing hung. But I hope I’ll see you there!” she said briskly, climbing back onto her ladder.

Lapis nodded, and turned down the hallway, eager to get away from Rose.

She tried her hardest to keep the anger bubbling in her, but it was difficult. Rose was just so…ugh.

The words that came to mind were charming, sweet, ravishingly beautiful….just perfect. No wonder Pearl had fallen in love with her.

Lapis swallowed, trying to keep the waves of insecurity down.

Pearl hadn’t said that she had been in love with Rose, but Lapis could tell. The way she spoke of her, she could see the pain of heartbreak in her eyes.

Lapis rubbed her cold shoulders. Rose was just…so different from Lapis.

Lapis was nothing like her.

She wasn’t as pretty, and certainly nowhere near as kind. Her hair was cut short, far different from Rose’s long curls, and she didn’t have the body that Rose did. Rose was like some kind of beautiful model, and Lapis looked like an eight year old.

She rubbed her eyes with her fingers. Great. Now she felt completely terrible.

She headed off to her first class, feeling sick in the pit of her stomach.

                                                                                                                           -:-

Pearl tapped her fingers anxiously against the horrible plastic cafeteria table tops, glancing around the room once more.

Suddenly she spotted the familiar splash of blue. She stared at her, as Lapis scanned the cafeteria for her.

Pearl smiled as Lapis’s eyes landed on her. Lapis returned the smile, gazing at her across the room.

She felt her cheeks begin to blush heavily. Quickly she glanced back down at her sandwich.

No one ever gave either of them any attention, but it didn’t hurt to be careful.

When she glanced up again, Lapis had gone over to where Peridot was sitting, all the way across the cafeteria. Pearl sighed softly.

They couldn’t sit together. It just wasn’t an option.

She and Lapis had talked about how much they could share at school, and although her parents wouldn’t know, there were plenty of people who knew Pearl from church.

And they would gossip, it would get back to their parents, who would then tell her own parents. It wasn’t a risk that they could take.

So Pearl had to stay away from Lapis at school.

It hurt.

Pearl was surprised at how much.

But it was okay. Because she could have Lapis when they were alone, and kiss her when they were alone. And, while it wasn’t perfect, it was maybe the best thing that had happened in a long time.

Pearl exhaled, and took a tiny bite of her sandwich. She winced at the stale taste of the bread.

Suddenly someone thunked down beside her. “Yo P. What’s with the face?” Amethyst said, arching an eyebrow.

Pearl stared at her. “You mean…my face?” she answered flatly.

Amethyst snorted. “Noooo. You always get this awful look on your face when you eat.”

Pearl rolled her eyes. “Thanks Amethyst.”

Amethyst laughed. After a moment Pearl glanced up, realizing Amethyst was still staring at her.

“What?” she asked. Amethyst cocked her head to the side.

“Something’s different ‘bout you.” she said, squinting her eyes.

Pearl flushed.

“N-no. There’s not. Why would you think that?” she hated how her voice rose ever so slightly.

Amethyst stared at her for a moment longer, before her face broke into a wide smirk. “You’re dating somebody.”

Pearl immediately turned crimson.

“N-no. Of course I’m not.” she mentally kicked herself for how her voice squeaked.

She could tell by Amethyst’s smirk that she didn’t believe her at all. “You are! Ha. Knew it.” Amethyst said under her breath. Amethyst leaned closer across the table. “I bet I know who it is, too.” she said lowly.

Pearl shook her head. “You can’t guess, because I’m not even dating anyone Amethyst, really I-“

“Lapis.”

Pearl froze, stopping mid sentence. Amethyst grinned at her expression.

“Wow.”

Pearl’s hands clutched at her skirt. Slowly she exhaled, trying to keep breathing normally.

“Please, please, don’t tell anyone Amethyst.” she said softly, her voice trembling slightly.

Amethyst crossed her arms, leaning back in the plastic cafeteria chair. “Babe. Come on. Course I’m not gonna tell anyone. Hell knows I know how bad your parents are. They suck.” Amethyst said easily.

Pearl sighed with relief. “Thank you Ame.” she said quietly.

Amethyst smirked. “So…that whole kissing thing must have worked out, huh?”

Slowly Pearl smiled. “It…did.”

Amethyst grinned, laughing a little bit. “I’ll say. You’re as red as a tomato.”

Suddenly they both laughed. Pearl felt grateful for Amethyst suddenly, and told her so.

Amethyst just rolled her eyes.

Suddenly something occurred to Pearl. “What looks different about me?”

Amethyst smirked at her knowingly. “Hon. Your lipstick’s darker, you’re blushing at everything, and you have three buttons undone on your sweater instead of just one. I can see your collarbone now!”

Pearl glanced down at her sweater self-consciously. Worriedly she glanced back up at Amethyst. “Is it really that obvious?”

Amethyst laughed. “To me, yes. Probably to anyone else, nah. Besides, it’s sexy anyway.”

She laughed at Pearl’s scowl.

“It is not Amethyst!”

Amethyst just laughed.

                                                                                                                           -:-

Across the cafeteria Lapis was picking at her sandwich halfheartedly.

Peridot glanced up from her Calculus textbook. “What’s your problem?”

Lapis shrugged. “Nothing. Just tired.”

Peridot stared at her for a moment, her fingers drumming against the table in a way that Lapis knew meant she was nervous.

“What’s with you?” Lapis said, arching an eyebrow. Peridot shifted under Lapis’s gaze.

“Uh… I have something to tell you.” she said hesitantly.

Lapis shrugged. “So? What is it?”

“You’re not going to be happy.” she replied tensely.

“Peridot. Come on.” Lapis said, looking at her reproachfully.

Finally Peridot gave in, her shoulders slouching.

“Here.” she said, pulling a piece of paper from her book bag. She handed it carefully to Lapis. Curiously Lapis unfolded the piece of notebook paper.

Inside there was a sloppily scrawled message. She read it quickly, her eyes darting over the words.

When she finished reading, she carefully put the paper on the table between them. Waves of anger were rushing over her.

“Peridot. Where did you get that?” she asked, her voice barely hiding her carefully controlled anger. Peridot glanced up, her blue eyes full of seriousness.

“Pearl gave it to me this morning. She had found it in the library.”

Lapis’s fists clenched. “Why. Why would she do this?”

Peridot shrugged. “Somehow she must have figured out about you and Pearl.”

Lapis stared at the paper, anger rushing over her in waves. “Does Pearl know who it was?” she asked, voice clenched.

Peridot shook her head. “I didn’t tell her. I wanted to tell you first.”

Lapis nodded.

“Don’t. If she knew…” she sighed, burying her face in her hands. Slowly she raised her head, groaning.

“If she knew, it’s just going to make everything more complicated.”

Peridot stared at her. “You’re not going to tell her that _your_ ex is threatening her?”

Lapis sighed, raising her head from the table. “No. I’m going to deal with Jasper. And Pearl isn’t going to know.” she glared at Peridot. “Don’t tell her Peri.”

Peridot rolled her eyes. “Please. That’s your job.”

Lapis sighed again. “I know.”

                                                                                                                      -:-

Lapis clenched her hands tightly as she walked into their English class. The teacher was busy flipping through a messy stack of papers, and didn’t notice Lapis staring daggers towards him.

The next thing she had to take care of.

She turned, sitting down beside Pearl. Pearl glanced up, smiling brightly. Lapis returned it weakly.

“Hey.” Pearl whispered as she sat down. “I-I saw you at lunch.”

Lapis dropped her bag to the floor with a thunk. “Yeah?”

Pearl tapped her pencil against the desk nervously. “Yeah.” she said softly, her cheeks flushed ever so slightly. She stared at Lapis with wide eyes, and Lapis suddenly wanted to melt into the floor.

“Uh… So. You decide what we’re doing our project on?” Lapis said, quickly changing the subject.

Pearl’s eyes lit up at the mention of school. “Oh! Yes, I came up with a great beginning basis last week, it’s mostly central around the concept of the green light, but I also…”

Lapis tried to pay attention to what Pearl said, but while she was talking, leaning over to show Lapis what she had come up with, her shoulder was pressing into Lapis’s and she was so close Lapis could smell the rose perfume she always wore. It was what she imagined a fairy might smell like.

Pearl turned back to her, her eyes questioning. “So? What do you think?”

Lapis forced a smile, nodding quickly. “Yeah. That looks great Pearl.”

Pearl beamed brightly. “Great!”

She leaned away from Lapis to put her notes away, Lapis still staring at her.

Oh stars. Pearl’s hands moved delicately, swiftly, organizing her papers. Lapis had somehow never noticed how she kept her nails clipped slightly long. They were painted a pretty pale pink color that complemented her hair perfectly.

Lapis swallowed.

She was so beautiful.

All of a sudden her cheeks flushed red. She quickly slouched over, resting her cheeks in her hands.

This was stupid. She was being stupid.

Slowly she exhaled, letting out a deep breath. Pearl straightened in her seat, having finished putting out all of her school supplies onto her desk. She glanced over at Lapis.

“Are you okay?”

Lapis glanced at her, their eyes meeting. “Uh…yeah?”

Pearl’s eyebrow’s scrunched together. “What? But I-“

“All right class! Today we’ll be discussing chapter twelve in your books. Turn to page 457 and we’ll begin.” The teacher said, neatly interrupting Pearl.

Lapis sighed in relief. Pearl frowned, turning to her book and away from Lapis.

Lapis’s stomach sank. This wasn’t good. All of this secret keeping was going to make her ill.

First Lapis had messed up with her grandmother, and now everything with Jasper?

She groaned silently.

This was a disaster. Lapis was a terrible girlfriend. But she was going to fix it. She had to.

Rubbing at her forehead tiredly, she slouched back in her seat and waited for English to be over.

                                                                                                                         -:-

For the first time ever, Pearl was desperate for class to be over. Between Lapis, and being desperate for her teacher to ignore her, Pearl felt slightly nauseous.

Luckily her teacher seemed to be ignoring her. But Lapis was ignoring her too.

Tapping her pencil against the table nervously, she tried not to glance over at Lapis for the hundredth time.

Although it didn’t matter if she was being subtle in her staring or not, Lapis was stubbornly trying her very hardest not to look at her.

Pearl bit down a frown. Why was she being this way? She tried to remember if she had done anything that might have caused this.

But she came up blank every time.

Perhaps Lapis was just tired. She glanced over again.

No. It wasn’t that.

Carefully she brushed a hand over her bangs, smoothing them out of her eyes.

Every time Lapis started acting funny it was always because there was something going on with her. It was never random, and it rarely actually had anything to do with Pearl.

But getting Lapis to tell her what was the matter, that was something that she didn’t know how to do.

She rubbed her eyes tiredly. This was something that she had to figure out. It was part of having a girlfriend. Or, at least, part of having Lapis as a girlfriend.

Why wouldn’t Lapis just talk to her?! Then Pearl could help her, and she wouldn’t have to worry that she was messing up.

She bit down a wave of frustration.

But just how she was going to get Lapis to talk to her, she had no idea. She turned back to her notes, continuing to write.

                                                                                                                 -:-

Finally the bell rang.

Lapis and Pearl both sighed simultaneously.

Lapis glanced at her, startled, and their eyes met. Pearl stared at her questionably.

Lapis stared at her blue eyes, and slowly she reached over and gave her hand a tiny squeeze.

“Sorry.” she said softly.

Pearl glanced down at her hand on hers, but then she gave Lapis a tiny smile. She nodded.

Lapis exhaled. She hadn’t completely screwed up.

Quickly Pearl gathered her things, Lapis holding back for her, then they both walked out of the classroom, their shoulders almost brushing. Once they were in the hall, Pearl turned to Lapis, tugging her off to the side, away from the mad flow of teenagers.

“Lapis. What’s going on?” Pearl asked, pressing her books to her chest. Lapis blinked.

“I don’t- Nothing’s wrong Pearl.” she said, smiling weakly. She saw from the look on Pearl’s face that she didn’t believe her for a moment.

“Really Lapis. I want you to tell me if something’s wrong. I can’t be there for you if you won’t let me.” she said softly, her blue eyes staring into Lapis’s. She looked so earnest it made Lapis feel enormously guilty.

But still…she bit her tongue. “I know. Thank you.” she said quietly.

Pearl nodded, a small frown still present on her face. It wasn’t enough. She wasn’t going to let it go that easily.

But Pearl sighed, and it was clear that they were finished talking about it. For now.

“All right. Well, I’ve got to run by the library for a little bit, so I guess I’ll see you tomorrow?” Pearl said, her voice a bit flat.

She was turning to leave when Lapis spoke.

“Uh…I’ve got some stuff I gotta do here too. You want to meet back here in an hour…and I could walk you home?” she asked hesitantly.

Pearl stared at her for a moment.

 _Please, please say yes_.

Finally she nodded. “Okay. In an hour then.”

Lapis nodded.

Pearl stared at her sadly, before she turned, walking away down the hallway. Lapis felt sick in the pit of her stomach.

She ran a hand through her hair, starting off down the hall in the opposite direction. She tried not to feel as though she was walking away from Pearl. From what they had.

Lapis sighed, stuffing her hands into the pockets of her jeans.

                                                                                                                  -:-

The wind blew through Lapis’s hair, ruffling it gently. She grunted in slight annoyance.

She gazed out across the school’s football field, the players appearing tiny from where she sat perched up on the bleachers.

Lapis scowled, her eyes focused on one player in particular.

Placing her hands between her legs, she watched as the largest person on the field climbed onto the bleachers, climbing up to where she sat.

She stared at them hatefully. After a second they pulled off their helmet, revealing a mane of thick blonde hair, framing a face that was still marred by three long scratches running from one cheek to another.

“Hey Babe. Heard you wanted to talk to me.” Jasper said with a dark smirk.

Lapis stared at her flatly. “I see your face is healing wonderfully.” Jasper laughed.

“Cute. What do you want?” she said harshly.

Lapis stared up at her, the wind causing her short hair to flutter across her cheeks. “Let me make one thing clear. We’re both very high up here. And I will not hesitate to knock you right over the side of these bleachers.”

Jasper rolled her eyes. “Sure, just don’t hurt yourself. Now, unless you got somethin' that I want, I’m leaving.” She crossed her arms, casting a looming shadow over Lapis.

Lapis swallowed.

“Stay away from Pearl.” she said in a low voice.

Jasper smirked. “Pearl who?”

“You know.” Lapis said, half growling.

Jasper tapped her finger against her chin thoughtfully. “Wait, wait. Is it that adorable little girl, the one who volunteers in the library, and wears the pink dresses, and has her dear little Lapis fetch her homework assignments for her?”

Lapis bit back a snarl. “Stay away from her. Don’t you go fucking near her.”

Jasper laughed loudly. “Aww. The little baby has stolen your heart. Do you wuv her?”

Slowly Lapis’s fists clenched. “I know about the note you gave her this morning.”

Jasper’s eyes widened with some kind of sick glee. “Me? I did no such thing.” she said, innocently.

Her eyes flickered with an evil light.

“She seemed so scared. And all alone too…” she trailed off, eyeing Lapis.

Lapis stared at her, her mouth open. “You…you wouldn’t.”

Jasper grinned. “I’ll do whatever I want bird. You of all people should know that by now. I will ring that little Pearl’s neck if I want. And you’re not going to stop me.”

Lapis stared at her with horror.

“Jasper…please…” she said softly.

Jasper grinned, showing all of her teeth. “Nice try little bird. You got guts.”

She turned, starting down the bleacher’s stairs. “Tell your little girlfriend hello from me!” she called as she walked away.

Lapis stared after her, a feeling of horror covering her body. She didn't realize she was crying till twenty minutes later.

                                                                                                                  -:-

The library actually had a few people inside, which was actually quite a surprise.

Pearl glanced around, before she sat down at one of the tables, pulling out one of the library's card catalogs and starting to flip through it aimlessly.

But her thoughts kept falling back to Lapis.

She bit her lip. Lapis was lying. She was not all right. But she wasn’t going to tell Pearl. That was obvious.

The real question was, what did she do about it? She thought about it. All she knew was that Lapis seemed to be unhappy and upset.

And when Pearl asked her about it, she just insisted that she was fine.

Suddenly Pearl felt a bit ridiculous. Lapis was just having a bad day, that was all.

And Pearl was harping on her for it.

She groaned, burying her face in the card catalog. She was the worst girlfriend ever.

Slowly she straightened, raising her head. Why did she always jump to the worst conclusion first? Why couldn’t she just be chill, as Amethyst put it.

Pearl stared down at the table. She had to do something. Something to make them better.

Maybe if she just started to talk, then Lapis would follow. That could work.

She nodded to herself. Pearl turned back to the card catalog, feeling ever so slightly better.

                                                                                                                    -:-

Lapis stormed down the school hallway, the few people that still lingered around quickly moving out of her way.

If she couldn’t get rid of Jasper, then she fully intended to take it out on someone else.

She charged into the English teacher’s office, letting the door slam closed behind her. He glanced up, his eyes widening.

“Oh, ah…hello Miss Coren. Is there something I can help you with?” he asked hesitantly.

Lapis scowled, crossing her arms. “Yeah.”

She sat down in the chair across from him, her eyes dark with rage.

“Miss, is there-“

“I know about what you said to Pearl.” she said softly.

He blinked, not understanding. But after a moment he paled. “Oh- I can assure you, it wasn’t- I mean Miss White must not have understood, I was only-“ he trailed off at the look on Lapis’s face.

“Let me make one thing clear. I understand exactly how you meant it.” she said in a low voice.

She leaned across the desk, resting her hands on the tabletop.

“You will not do it again. Not to Pearl, or any other girl. Because if you do, I will make sure you pay for it.”

The man stared at her, then laughed nervously. “I don’t really think there is much you could even do, but-“

Lapis cut him off, snorting. She smirked dangerously. “Do you know who my mother is?”

He opened his mouth, but Lapis cut him off.

“She’s the biggest donator to this school. Three quarters of this building, including your office, are made of her money.” She laughed softly. “So, you see, all I have to do is tell my mother how much of a _terrible_ teacher you are, and you’ll never work in this state again.”

Her eyes flashed dangerously. “Am I being clear enough for you?”

He stared at her, and Lapis felt a wave of pleasure wash over her at the look of fear in his eyes.

“Y-yes. Very clear.” he said, unable to keep his voice from shaking.

Lapis smirked. “Great. That was all I needed.” She stood, turning to leave.

“See you at class.” she said with a little wave, letting the door slam closed behind her.

                                                                                                                    -:-

Pearl literally ran into Lapis.

They were both rounding a corner rather quickly, and neither of them were paying very good attention. They knocked into each other with a small crash.

Lapis winced, rubbing at her head, before she realized that the person she had ran into was Pearl.

Pearl rubbed at her smarting head, before she glanced up. “Pearl, I am so sorry- are you all right?” Lapis asked anxiously.

Pearl laughed slightly. “It’s my fault. Should have been paying attention.” she said, smiling faintly.

Lapis stared at her for a moment, then nodded. “Y-you ready to go?”

Pearl nodded, a small smile on her face. “Let’s go.”

 

The walk home was pleasant, with the sun shinning brightly and the birds chirping overhead.

Pearl glanced over at Lapis, who was still quiet. But she didn’t seem as sad, so maybe that was something.

“I’m sorry about earlier.” Pearl said suddenly.

Lapis glanced over, as though Pearl had shook her out of a thought. “What do-“

“I was harping on you. And I shouldn’t’ve. It wasn’t fair.”

Lapis stared at her, a pained expression on her face. Pearl reached out, taking her hand.

“You’re so sweet to me. I’m sorry that I wasn’t…that I’m not doing the same.” She sniffled, feeling a bit of wetness in the corners of her eyes.

Lapis stared wide-eyed at her. Suddenly Lapis tugged her off of the sidewalk, and under a large tree with draping branches.

Pearl stared at Lapis, her heartbeat rushing wildly. They were now somewhat sheltered from the view of passersby.

Pearl swallowed.

Suddenly Lapis leaned closer, gently cupping her cheek. Carefully she wiped away a tear with her thumb. Pearl was barely able to breath.

“Don’t cry. Please don’t cry.” Lapis whispered softly.

Pearl laughed softly. “I’m sorry-“

Suddenly Lapis kissed her, the back of her head pressing into the tree’s trunk. Pearl gasped, before she melted into Lapis’s touch.

Her hands found Lapis’s jacket, tugging her closer to her. Lapis ran a hand through her hair, stopping to rest at the curve of her neck in a way that sent tingles through her stomach.

Lapis’s lips moved passionately against hers, and she forgot about anything and everything but the feeling of Lapis against her.

  
After they had managed to tug themselves apart, they had continued home, Lapis’s hand brushing hers far too much for it to be coincidental.

Pearl knew that Lapis wished that she could hold Pearl’s hand. And, in that moment, Pearl would’ve given almost anything to be able to take Lapis’s hand without fear.

Without fear of being scorned and hated.

But that wasn’t the world that she lived in. They had to hide what they were, how they felt.

Pearl sighed, as they all too soon came to her house. “Well…I suppose I’d better go…” Pearl trailed off.

Lapis grabbed her wrist gently. “Wait. Uh…” Her cheeks flushed a beautiful shade of pink.

Pearl decided that Lapis blushing was one of the prettiest things she had ever seen.

Lapis swallowed, before continuing. “Uh…This Friday would you-“

“You know we can’t go to a school dance together Lapis.” Pearl said softly.

Lapis blinked, before shaking her head. “Oh, no. That’s not what I was going to say. A herd of wild horses couldn’t drag me to one of those things. I just wondered…would you want to go out with me? Like…a date.”

Pearl stared at her causing Lapis to flush even redder.

“It’s just- you have a good excuse for your parents, you could say that you’re going to the dance, and you and I could…” she trailed off, her eyes falling to the ground.

Suddenly Pearl smiled. “I have to ask my parents, but yes. I’d love to.”

Lapis suddenly smiled widely. “Okay! That’s great.”

Glancing around, Lapis quickly pecked Pearl’s cheek, before swiftly leaning backwards.

“It’s a plan then.” Lapis said, nodding, before turning to leave.

Suddenly something occurred to Pearl.

“Lapis!” she called after her.

The blue haired girl turned.

“That- it wasn’t what you were so worried about today, was it?”

Lapis smiled, her eyes sad. She waved goodbye without answering.

Pearl stared after her, before she went in her house.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> *Drama*
> 
> We got to 400 likes!!!! I can't believe that this story has actually been as popular as it has been. You guys just seem to like it for some reason, and I really like to write it! I just wanted to say thank u to all of the super nice people who comment you all have such sweet things to say, and I love talking to all of u so much!
> 
> Also, I'm finally on summer break from college, so I'll have a bunch of extra time to write over the next few months, so hopefully I'll have more time to work on writing! So, hopefully, updates will happen faster? I'm gonna try ;)


	11. All you had to do was stay (and you did)

Pearl was beginning to feel rather fed up with Mother Nature.

She winced against the harshly blowing wind, bunching her skirt with one hand. At least the wind wasn’t cold.

Pearl sighed breathlessly, as she finally made it to her dance studio. Hurriedly she ran to the door, slipping inside. After changing into her leotard and lacing her ballet shoes, she quickly dashed to the main practice room.

Quietly she slipped in, hoping that her teacher wouldn't notice that she was just a tad bit late.

“Pearl! Wonderful. You’re here.” her teacher spoke, turning to her with a smile.

Pearl smiled weakly, flushing, suddenly remembering that this was her private lesson day, and of course she would be obviously late. She was the only one there. “Yes- uh…sorry I’m late.” she said with red cheeks.

Her teacher shook her head. “It’s fine. We were just about to start. But before, I’d like you to meet someone.”

Pearl’s eyes widened curiously. “Oh? Who?” she asked. Suddenly someone stood up from the floor, a figure Pearl hadn’t noticed earlier.

“Pearl, this is Jamie. Jamie, this is Pearl, our lead.” The boy, who Pearl assumed must be Jamie, smiled hesitantly.

She returned it, deciding that being friendly wouldn’t hurt anything. He looked to be about her age, slim with slightly olive skin. His hair was a dark brownish color, and longish bangs flopped across is forehead. He was fairly tall, almost as tall as Pearl was.

He shifted awkwardly, rubbing his hands together. She suddenly had to suppress a grin.

“S-so. You’re dancing as Odette?” he asked suddenly, his cheeks flushing.

Pearl smiled, nodding. “Yep.”

Her teacher smiled widely. “Jamie is dancing as the prince. He will be the male lead beside you.”

Pearl nodded. Her fingers twisted together nervously. “Both of your performances are closely intertwined with one another, so Jamie will be joining your private rehearsals from now until the show.”

They both nodded. The teacher beamed happily at their cooperation.

“Wonderful!” she said, clapping her hands together.  Briskly she went over to the radio, clicking it on.

“Now, Jamie, if you would just begin with your first scene, and then Pearl, watch for a moment and then jump in.” she directed.

Jamie and Pearl both nodded. He glanced sideways over at her, before he straightened, and began to dance.

Pearl watched him carefully. He was good, certainly, very good. Which she appreciated.

He twisted into a twirl, leaping with surprising grace. Pearl smiled, as she spun into the dance.

He froze for a moment as she joined him, but then he quickly regained his composure, and continued. They leapt and twirled together perfectly, the rhythm of the dance flowing smoothly. Pearl couldn’t help but smile widely.

Dancing with someone this skilled was incredibly fun.

All too soon the music faded away, the dance coming to an end. She dared a glance over at Jamie, and their eyes met. He flushed, and looked away. Suddenly she heard faint clapping.

“Very good you two. I had a feeling you would work well with each other. Now, if you just do it that good for everyone else, then we’ll be set for when May comes.”

She tapped her finger against her chin thoughtfully.

“Hmn. There was also one other thing I wanted to make sure would work before we solidify you both in your roles. We need to make sure that the lift will work properly.”

Pearl blinked. Suddenly she wanted to groan.

Of course, she would have to be lifted by her partner. That was something that came with doing a lead role.

She had never had to deal with _that_ when she had been a part of the chorus.

She glanced over at Jamie, and she was a bit worried when she saw how nervous he looked.

Oh stars.

She had seen enough girls get dropped by their partners during practice to know that it was not something that she was excited for. She hoped Jamie was stronger than he appeared.

At least she weighted almost nothing.

“All right. Now, let’s try it very quickly.” the teacher said briskly, ignoring the less than excited reaction from both of her dancers. “Pearl, you go to that end of the room,” she gestured to where, “then begin, with the jeté jeté and then you’ll come up to Jamie, who will then lift you in a perfect pas de deux.”

She smiled eagerly, gesturing them to their correct places.

Pearl swallowed, then walked down the end of the room. Taking a deep breath, she straightened, then began to dance, taking extra care to go slow.

Carefully she reached Jamie, twisting her body into a twirl, ending in front of him. She saw his eyes, they were wide with nerves. Then he began, taking her around the waist and lifting her into the air in a twirl.

Pearl stiffened, arching her back in the correct way. They had almost finished, and Pearl was just starting to feel relieved, when she felt his hands quiver.

Pearl gasped, but it was too late, as she fell to the floor with a hard thunk.

Jamie, in the shock, twisted his heel, and tripped, falling against the wood.

Pearl groaned, as she sat up. Jamie sat up, his cheeks bright red. “Oh no! I am so, so sorry Pearl!” he said, jumping quickly to his feet.

She smiled dryly, taking the hand he offered. “Don’t worry. It’s not the first time I’ve fallen on this floor.” she spoke wryly.

Slowly he smiled shyly, rubbing at the back of his neck.

The teacher ran across the studio, her worry evident. “Pearl! Are you all right?”

“Other than my back, I’m fine.” Pearl said with a smile.

Her teacher glanced over her body, and seeing that she was correct, nodded. “Good. Now, that wasn’t bad for a first try, you two. We’ll just simply have to work on that section more.”

She clapped her hands together.  “Let’s try it again.”

She clicked the radio on once more. Jamie looked about as thrilled as Pearl, but they both did as the teacher asked, and went to their positions.

Pearl took a deep breath.

This was going to be a long afternoon.

                                                                                                                     -:-

Pearl sat down on the bench in the dressing room with a thunk. A tired groan escaped her lips, as she rubbed at her sore hips.

After three tries Jamie had finally managed to run through the number without dropping her. But that had been the only time he had managed to succeed in that regard.

A teacher less committed or stubborn might have given up, but not Ms Rain.

Although Pearl admired her and her decisions, right now her back was wishing that she had picked someone who could actually lift her.

She sighed, standing. Quickly she changed into her street clothes.

Right now, the only thing keeping her on her feet was the thought that she would be going out with Lapis that night. Somehow she had managed to convince her mother that she was going to the dance to serve punch, even though she was seemingly dateless.

Her mother had agreed without much thought. Her grandmother had just smirked.

Pearl still had no idea what she was up to. She seemed to be on Pearl’s side, but Pearl still wasn’t sure. Although Pearl was sure that she knew she wasn’t going to the dance.

But she hadn’t told her mother, and Pearl decided to not worry about it for the moment. She was getting to go on an actual date with Lapis. She smiled to herself. That was a wonderful thought.

The thing that she was most curious about though, was where Lapis was going to take her. She had tried to ask, but Lapis refused to tell her. She had just smirked, and told her to wait.

Lapis was like that with everything, it felt sometimes.

Pearl knew that something was wrong. Even though Lapis was being careful to be normal now, something was still wrong.

When they were talking Lapis couldn’t meet her eyes.

She had started walking Pearl home every day, but she didn’t want Pearl to come over to her house.  Pearl’s stomach twisted. She had a suspicion, but it was so awful she didn’t want to even consider it. Maybe…maybe Lapis was simply tired of her.

After all, it wasn’t as though Pearl was very entertaining to be around. They couldn’t even sit together at school.

Maybe she had just gotten sick of all the secret keeping and tip toeing around, and wanted to get rid of her; but she just didn’t know how to tell Pearl that she was sick of her, and her boring life.

Pearl swallowed. If that were the case, then she wished Lapis would simply tell her.

She would cry and cry about it for weeks, but at least she wouldn’t have to sit around worrying about it all the time.

Careful about her back, she bent over to pick up her bag, slinging it over her shoulder. She would ask Lapis. Tonight.

And she would get an answer, and then even if Lapis did break up with her, she wouldn't have to sit around waiting for it to happen. Her breath quavered in her throat, before she straightened, walking out from the dressing room.

She began to walk down the hall, when suddenly Jamie appeared beside her.

“H-hey Pearl.” he said with flushed cheeks.

Pearl smiled gently. “Hello.”

He rubbed at his arm nervously. “U-uh…sorry for dropping you so many times today.”

Pearl smiled tiredly. “It’s fine. We’ll…get it, I’m sure. Just more practice, I guess.” He nodded quickly.

They both stood there, awkwardly.

“Well, I’ve got to leave-“

“Yeah. Um.” he said quickly. Jamie shifted uncomfortably. “Ah- I was just wondering if-um, sometime you might want to go out with me.”

His cheeks turned bright red.

Pearl bit her lip.

“Um.”

She swallowed.

“I- ah…I’ll have to ask my mother. But...maybe.” she said quickly.

He nodded, but her answer must have satisfied him, because he looked rather happy. “Oh-I almost forgot, the teacher wants to talk to you before you leave.” he said, pointing to her office.

Pearl nodded. “Okay. Thanks.”

Stifling a sigh, she turned to walk back up the hallway.

                                                                                                                        -:-

  
Hesitantly she poked her head inside her teacher’s office. “Ms Rain?” she spoke quietly.

Her teacher looked up from the papers she was shuffling through.

“Oh! Yes, good, good, please sit.” she gestured to the chair in front of her. Pearl sat down hesitantly.

“Jamie said you wanted to speak with me?” she asked, folding her hands in her lap.

Her teacher nodded. “Yes.” She folded her fingers together, a serious expression on her face. “So, as I’m sure you know, Jamie is having a hard time completing the pas de deux with you.”

Pearl winced, nodding. Her teacher continued. “Jamie is going to have to work on developing that skill set, certainly. But we also need to work on it from your end as well.”

Pearl’s eyebrows furrowed. “I-I’m sorry, but I don’t think I know what you mean.”

Her teacher’s eyes scanned over her body. “How much do you weigh Pearl?”

Pearl swallowed, her hands clenching. “Ah- about 115, I think.” She didn't like where her teacher was going.

Her teacher thought for a moment. “Do you think that you could get that down to around 90, 95 pounds?”

“Um.” Pearl bit her lip, her hands tightening on her skirt to keep from shaking. “I’m rather thin already. Maybe Jamie just isn’t strong enough to lift me.” she said softly.

Her teacher frowned. “Pearl. This is part of dancing a leading role. You have to decide what kind of sacrifices you’re willing to make. You need to decide how much you want this.” She stared at Pearl, and Pearl could feel herself withering under her gaze.

“I-I could probably get it down to ninety-five.” she said in a tiny voice.

Her teacher nodded firmly, as if they had reached an amazing conclusion to their talk. Pearl nodded tightly, staring down at her lap. “Is that all?”

Her teacher nodded. “Oh. Yes of course. You may go.” She waved her away.

Pearl stood, gripping the strap of her bag tightly. She quickly slipped out of her teacher’s office, and out into the fresh air of the outside.

She sighed softly. Exactly how she was going to lose twenty pounds, she had no clue. She could hardly eat any less than what she already did.

Another groan escaped. She glanced down at her watch. It was only 4:30, and she wasn’t going to meet Lapis till 7:30. She had three hours.

That was more than enough to take a quick nap and get ready.

She turned her head up to the sky, the birds singing brightly. Suddenly she felt like walking around for a little while. She turned, deciding to take the long way home, the one that went through downtown.

Maybe that would be enough to keep herself from thinking, for a little while at least.

Exhaling slowly, she turned, walking away down the sidewalk.

                                                                                                                 -:-

  
Lapis frowned down at the book laying in her lap.

She had been staring at the strange old journal’s pages for almost an hour now, and she still had no idea what the scribbled words meant, if they meant anything at all. Lapis sighed, letting her head fall back against the pillows on her bed.

She closed the book with a thunk, running her hands over her face. This wasn’t helping to distract her from what was actually making her hurt.

Pearl.

Although honestly, Lapis deserved to be hurting after what she was doing to Pearl.

It made her gut wrench to see the broken look on her face every time Lapis pushed her away. Pearl’s eyes were so sad and wide, they made Lapis want to cry herself.

A faint wetness appeared in the corners of her eyes, and Lapis furiously wiped at her face.

Still, she couldn’t keep the tears from escaping her eyes. It was ridiculous to cry.

But Pearl…she brought out emotions Lapis hadn’t felt in years.

She made Lapis sad, and happy…and vulnerable. Pearl was the hole in her armor.

That was what was both terrifying and wonderful about her. She was so massively important to Lapis’s life, she had, without realizing, started categorizing her life into two parts: before Pearl, and now.

With Pearl in it.

She sighed heavily. Pearl was the best thing that had ever happened to her, but there was another side to the sword.

 

Pearl was the one person who could break her heart into a million pieces.

 

Losing Jasper had frankly been something of a relief. But Pearl?

She shut her eyes. If she lost her, Lapis half wondered if she’d ever be all right.

A wave of sadness washed over her, and she wrapped her arms tightly around herself. And right now she was in the middle of completely driving Pearl apart from her permanently.

What was she doing?

Lapis let out a straggled gasp. She was torn.

Because what the right thing to do, what she _needed_ to do, was to break up with Pearl. Then Jasper would have no reason to hurt her.

But every time she even tried to think about bringing it up, Pearl would glance over at her with those big eyes, and Lapis would quickly scowl down at the floor.

And then Pearl would wilt a little bit, and Lapis would hate herself even more.

Lapis sniffled. She had to stop with Pearl. She had to. But it was _Pearl_.

She gripped herself tighter. Their date was tonight. Maybe…

Lapis sighed.

She’d go out with Pearl tonight, and let herself be selfish. Then, after that she’d decide what to do. Lapis turned over, and groaned into her pillow.

                                                                                                                       -:-

Pearl winced at the brightness of the sun as it sunk lower in the sky.

Her shoes clipped against the pavement as she walked. The small downtown was fairly empty, although there were a few people lingering around outside the doors of the shops.

She walked along slowly, glancing curiously in the windows. There was a variety of shops tucked into the street corners; a grocery, a office supply shop, a few clothing stores that her mother frequented, and a drug store.

Suddenly Pearl was rather bored by the entire thing.

She stared into one of the clothing store’s display windows, her reflection staring back at her through the glass. The mannequin blank face stared at her flatly.

The neat looking sweater dress set that the mannequin suddenly looked very….boring. It looked like something that her mother would find attractive.

Pearl thought it was about as interesting as the mannequin.

She continued on, not glancing back. Suddenly, as she passed the drug store, she realized that she meant to buy some lipgloss a few weeks ago, but had forgotten.

Why not now?

Pearl, after a glance at her watch, decided that she still had a little bit of time to spare.

She pushed the door open, causing the little bell to jingle behind her. The man working at the counter looked up with a little wave. Pearl returned it with a small smile.

Walking softly into the small store, she quickly went to the back where they kept the beauty products. She scanned across the shelf where the lipgloss was kept neatly stacked, not hearing the person who came up behind her.

“Pearl!”

Pearl jumped, nearly knocking over the display.

She turned to the girl, who was now staring at her bashfully, although a bit calmer. “Sorry. You surprised me.”

The girl stared at her with a bright smile. “Oh, it’s fine. So, how are you?” she said, her smile never faltering.

Pearl smiled weakly. “I’m fine. How are you Susie?”

Susie shrugged, tossing her pretty brown curls over her shoulder.

“Honestly? I’m completely panicked right now.” she said, her eyes widening even more.

Pearl nodded, trying to look interested. “Oh?”

“Yes,” she said, continuing on, despite Pearl’s evident disinterest. “Johnny’s being _so_ annoying lately.” she sighed. “I tried to tell him about how important tonight is for me-“

“Tonight?” Pearl interrupted, confused.

Susie stared at her as though it should be obvious. “The dance? It’s tonight. _Aren’t_ you going?”

She stared at Pearl with confusion.

Pearl bit her lip. “Um…I’m not going. I don’t have a date.” she said quietly, hoping Susie, _super perky_ Susie would take the hint.

She did not.

“Why not!?” Susie exclaimed loudly. “I mean, your hair’s a little weird, but still. You’re cute enough.”

Pearl smiled tightly. “Thanks.” she said cooly.

Susie ignored her.

“I know I would be completely lost without Johnny, you know. He's just my _anchor_. And you know, he’s got to be the best football player we’ve had in decades! Such a sturdy, secure _man_...he makes me feel so safe, you know? I’m just so proud of him, you know?” she sighed dreamily, pressing her hands to her chest. “I just adore him. I wish you could have something as wonderful as what we have.”

She paused, tapping a finger against her chin thoughtfully. “I just had a brilliant idea! I’ve got this cousin, and he’d be completely perfect for you! He’s very quiet and cute. I’ll have to introduce you sometime.”

Pearl nodded, biting the inside of her cheek so hard she thought she tasted blood.

_Please, please be quiet._

“Anyway, I’m sure you’ll find _someone_ eventually.”

Pearl didn’t even bother to nod. She just kept her mouth shut tightly.

No, she wanted to scream, she didn’t need to wait. Because she had already found someone. Because even though Lapis could be frustrating at times, she was perfect. And no, she didn’t want to go out with Susie’s stupid cousin. She wanted to brag about her own amazing girlfriend to everyone, and make everyone jealous of how great _she_ was.

But she was stuck saying nothing, listening to Susie gush about her stupid Johnny boyfriend who was just so damn good at football.

Pearl wanted to scream. But she stood, plastering a fake smile on her face, and remained silent.

Finally Susie paused for air, and Pearl quickly stuck her foot in the opening she left.

“I’m sorry to run off, but my mother’s expecting me.” she said regretfully. “I’ve got to go.”

Susie blinked. “Oh, of course. I’ll be seeing you I suppose.”

Pearl smiled, quickly darting to the counter to pay for the lipgloss she had found. Once she had paid the man, she almost ran out the shop’s door. Susie waved to her cheerfully.

Pearl waved quickly, wincing as soon as the door closed. She sighed, rubbing her eyes tiredly, as she started home.

                                                                                                                -:-

When she opened the door to her house, her grandmother sat on the sofa, her fingers busily knitting…something. Pearl was tempted to ask what exactly it was that she was supposed to be knitting, but she decided against it.

Quietly she entered the living room, fully intending to slip by silently, but her grandmother looked up, smiling serenely.

“Hello Pearl dear.” she said cheerfully. Pearl smiled weakly.

“Hi.”

Her grandmother smiled slightly, turning back to the knitting in her hands. “If you have a moment, I’d love to speak with you.” She looked up at Pearl, her eyes gentle, patting the chair beside her.

Pearl wanted to go take a nap and feel sorry for herself, but as her grandmother stared at her, she felt her will slowly crumble.

“…yes, of course I have a moment.” she said tiredly, and sat down. Her grandmother smiled happily. “Wonderful.”

Pearl waited.

“…um, did you have something you wanted to tell me?” Pearl prompted.

Eyes flickering up, her grandmother smiled mysteriously. “So. Your mother said that you’re going to a school dance tonight.”

Pearl nodded, unsure where she was going with this.

“I’m sure you’ll have a great time. I know I certainly did when I was young, and believe it or not, I was young once.” she laughed to herself.

Pearl smiled slightly.

“But that was not my point.” Her vibrant green eyes focused onto Pearl. “Something’s been bothering you for the past few days.” she stared firmly at Pearl.

Pearl shifted, clutching to her skirt. “N-no. I’ve been fine, just a bit tired, that’s all.”

Her grandmother smiled dryly. “Darling, I hate to be the one to have to tell you this, but you’re a rather terrible lier. Now, I don’t have to know every details. You can keep your own secrets. But I’m really very old, and I have a vast amount of knowledge that I’d love to share with you.”

She gazed at Pearl, and though her gaze was strong, it also had a faint bit of hopefulness in it.

Pearl sighed. She might as well admit that she had absolutely no will what so ever.

Slowly she exhaled, realizing that her hands were covered in a faint sheen of clammy sweat. Quickly she wiped her hands on her skirt.

“I-I have this friend. And I’m worried about her. I feel like there is something that she isn’t telling me. But I can’t get her to talk to me.” Pearl sighed frustratedly. “Maybe I’m just trying to push too far, but I know something’s wrong. And I-I have to know. I want to help her. But she doesn’t want to talk to me. She’s just pushing me away.”

Pearl stared down at her lap.

“I don’t know what to do. How-how can I help someone if they won’t let me?” she looked up, her eyes damp.

Her grandmother sighed, setting her knitting to the side. “That’s very hard.” she said quietly.

Pearl nodded sadly. Her grandmother was silent for a long moment, thinking hard. “-How much do you care about this…person?”

Pearl bit her lip. “-so much. It almost hurts sometimes.” she answered softly.

Her grandmother smiled. “Then you never quit. You have to keep poking and prying and no matter what, just hold on. Because Pearl, there are so few special people out there. The ones that have that thing, that give you that magical feeling when you’re with them, you have got to hold on to them.”

She stared at Pearl, eyes full of earnest emotion. Pearl nodded hesitantly.

“But-what if they don’t want me to? What if La-she just wants me to leave her alone?”

Her grandmother eyed her with a mischievous glint in her eyes. “May I ask- it is that pretty blue-haired girl we are talking about, correct? What was her name again?”

“Lapis.” Pearl muttered, her cheeks flushing bright pink.

“Yes.” she said brightly, snapping her fingers, “She was the one who brought you home in the rain, and then came to see you when you were ill.”

Pearl nodded, embarrassed. But she was right. Lapis had done all of those things, and more. Would she really have done all that if she didn’t care about her?

She glanced up to see her grandmother staring at her.

“Honey, I know that you’re young and embarrassed about absolutely everything, but do know one thing. That girl, whether she knows it or not, is completely smitten with you. And you are with her.” she looked at Pearl, her eyes solemn.

Pearl’s breath caught in her throat.

“I- ah- no. That’s not…” she trailed off.

Her grandmother smiled. “Darling, I notice these types of things.”

Pearl stared at her wide mouthed. Slowly she blinked.

“Please…don’t- don’t tell me parents. Please.” she said, her voice cracking.

“Sweetheart, I don’t ever tell your parents anything.” she said a matter-of-factly, picking up her knitting.

Pearl stared at her stupidly.

“Now- you probably have a lot of getting ready to go serve punch to a bunch of boring teenagers, so you’d better run along.” she waved at Pearl, gesturing for her to leave.

Slowly Pearl nodded, and stood, still unsure of what to do. Finally she just left, walking slowly up to the stairs to her room.

                                                                                                              -:-

Lapis stared out the window.

She had finally managed to stop crying. But now she felt…icky. Slowly, she sighed.

It was okay. Everything was okay.

Lapis glanced down at her watch, realizing that she actually needed to start getting ready to be on time for meeting Pearl for their date. She smiled halfheartedly to herself.

They still had their date, despite everything. Outside was quiet, the sidewalks deserted. The early spring light was just being to fade.

Lapis smiled. Time to get this together.

                                                                                                               -:-

Lapis wasn't someone that people would look at and think she was really into makeup and hair, and girly things like that sort. And Lapis wouldn’t even say that she was really into it herself. But she did enjoy it.

Makeup was sort of fun, after all. Kind of like art. Sort of.

She stood in her bathroom, staring into the huge mirror. Her reflection seemed to smirk at her.

Lapis ignored it.

First she started by brushing out her hair, wincing at the many tangles throughout her hair. Once that was finished, she ran her fingers through it, smoothing it.

She had re-dyed it a few days before, and it finally was back to its normal, rich blue. No more stupid blonde roots poking out.

Everyone had said that she looked so pretty with her hair blonde, but their compliments had always sort of annoyed Lapis. Didn’t any of them realize how boring blonde hair was?

Her mother hadn’t been happy when Lapis had come home with her long blonde hair dyed bright blue and cut short to her ears, but Lapis hadn’t cared.

She had hated her hair being blonde. And she loved it being blue. She loved it being so short and light.

It was how it was, how she was, and besides, she didn’t care what people thought. What they thought was mostly stupid anyway.

Leaving her hair alone for a moment, she smeared a bit of foundation over her face, then dabbed concealer over top of that. Once that was finished, she lightly brushed some light powder over her cheeks, setting in the makeup.

It took her several tries and four q-tips soaked in makeup remover, but she finally managed to line her eyes correctly. Carefully she flared out the eyeliner, creating a tiny wing behind it.

She flicked a bit of mascara over her eyelashes, taking care not to blink too hard and rub it off.

Finally she took a brownish pink lipstick, dark without being too much, and spread it carefully across her lips. Rubbing her lips together gently, she stepped back a bit, examining the results.

Her eyes were dark and heavily lined, the way she liked. The lipstick she had chosen paired well with it, being a good contrast without being over powering.

Lapis stared at herself. Over all, she actually looked pretty good.

Suddenly a wave of nervousness washed over her.

What if this didn't go well? What if she didn’t look as good as she thought? What if-

She stopped herself. That was ridiculous. She had to stop. It would all be okay.

Tonight would be fine, and Lapis would keep Jasper and her grandmother to herself, just for a little bit longer. It would be fine.

She swallowed, her reflection suddenly appearing a bit panicked.

Lapis exhaled.

Quickly she dug out her old curling iron, and began curling her short hair carefully, trying to not burn herself. Again.

Once she finished curling all of her hair, she unplugged the curling iron and ran a brush over her hair, loosening the curls into a more relaxed state. After that, she sighed with slight relief, finally finished.

Glancing down at her watch, she realized that she had finished none too soon.

Lapis briskly went over to her closet, throwing on the clothes she had decided upon earlier.

They were simple, just a plain, slim-fitted black blouse, patterned with tiny white dots, and a pair of close fitting black jeans. And, of course, her black boots with the heels that made her feel a nice bit taller and were trimmed with silver studs.

Taking a quick glance in the mirror, she smiled. Yeah, she looked good.

Quickly she grabbed her jacket off the back of her chair. She was about to put it on, when she noticed a faint smell floating off of from it.

Lapis held it up to her face tentatively. It smelled like…rose perfume.

 

It smelled like Pearl.

 

Lapis smiled to herself. She had worn it only once, yet she had still sort of rubbed off on it.

Her heart wrenched. Closing her eyes, she slipped the jacket over her shoulders.

It would be okay. She was not about to loose Pearl. She was not going to let Jasper do anything to Pearl.

She tried to believe that, as she walked down the stairs, locking the door behind herself.

                                                                                                                         -:-

Pearl stared at her closet with not much hope.

One thing that was continuing to make it difficult to decide what to wear was the fact that  _still_ she had no idea where they were going. How much was she even supposed to dress up for something like this?

Was she supposed to wear church clothes, or was what she wore for school more appropriate?

Pearl sighed. Why was there no one that she could ask about something like this? Actually there was.

She bit her lip. Oh, she was so going to regret this.

Hesitantly, she poked her head out of her bedroom. “Mother?”

There was silence for a moment, then, “Yes?”

Pearl swallowed. “Uh, could you help me with something?”

                                                                                                               -:-

Her mother sat down on the bed with a tiny purse of her lips, crossing her legs. “Yes dear?”

Pearl exhaled. “Um, I was just wondering…if you knew what I was supposed to wear tonight? F-for the dance, I mean.”

Her mother smiled, and her eyes brightened ever so slightly. “Oh. Yes, of course. It’s been years since I’ve been to one of these things, but I suppose I still might remember a thing or two.” she said, a tiny smile growing at her lips.

Hesitantly she stood, going over to Pearl’s closet. She flipped through the hangers, eyes flitting across the clothing hung upon them. Pearl stood at her shoulder, watching her with wide eyes.

Suddenly, her mother paused, and pulled out a hanger from the rack. “This would look pretty on you. And it’s dressed up, without over doing it.” she said with a small smile.

Pearl looked at it. The dress she had picked was a pretty one, a light bluish-green color, with a tiny pattern of birds printed across the fabric.

After a moment she smiled. “Yes, that would be perfect.”

Her mother smiled hesitantly. Quickly Pearl slipped off the clothes she had on and into the dress.

Carefully her mother helped her zip the back of the dress up. Smiling slightly, Pearl moved over to the mirror, and was surprised to find that the dress actually looked quite nice on her.

Her mother’s reflection smiled at her. “-it looks wonderful on you.” she said softly.

Pearl glanced up at her mother. “It does. Thank you.”

Her mother patted her shoulder. Slowly she turned away, fixing her gaze out the window. Her hand moved to her face, dabbing at the corner of her eyes. Suddenly Pearl realized her mother was crying.

“Momma? W-what’s wrong?” she asked, moving to where her mother stood.

Her mother sniffled. “Nothing is wrong sweetheart. I just, I hadn’t realized how much you had grown.”

Pearl frowned. “I-I know, I’m really rather tall, but I can just wear flats, no one will notice I’m-“

her mother laughed breathlessly, cutting Pearl off. “No, no. That’s not what I meant.” She turned to Pearl, her eyes wide.

Suddenly Pearl realized that, despite her mother wearing heels and Pearl being flat-footed against the floor, she was still several inches taller than her mother was.

“It’s just, you’ve become so beautiful. I hadn’t realized…” she trailed off, ghosting a hand over Pearl’s cheek.

Pearl swallowed, tears welling in her eyes at her mother’s words. She tried to find the words to speak, but they were lodged in her throat. Finally she managed to speak.

“E-even though my hair is short now? Even though I didn’t keep it they way you wanted?”

Her mother stared at her with wide eyes, eyes that Pearl realized were so similar to her own. “You were never _not_ beautiful because of that. It-it just surprised me so much, when you did it.”

Pearl nodded, smiling a little sadly. “It was weird for me too. It felt so light, it being short.” she said.

Her mother suddenly laughed. “I’m sure.”

Pearl smiled. Suddenly her mother sighed.

Slowly she reached out, grasping Pearl’s hand. “I-I’m sorry Pearl. I never intended…I didn't mean to make you feel…ugly.”

She sighed heavily, staring up at her daughter. “You’re the most beautiful girl in the world to me. Because you’re my daughter. And you’ll always be my darling little girl.” She stared at Pearl, her eyes welling with tears.

Pearl swallowed, then suddenly she hugged her. Her mother froze for a moment, surprised, but then she unfroze, returning the hug. Pearl sniffled, and pressed her cheek into her mother’s shoulder.

Slowly she exhaled. This…this was okay.

                                                                                                                      -:-

After her mother had left, Pearl had had to sit down for a little bit. She was still a bit weepy feeling after what her mother had said.

Pearl rubbed at her shoulders. Finally she exhaled, realizing that she really had to finish getting ready or she would be late.

Quickly she fixed her foundation and concealer, and neatly lined her eyes. She dusted a tiny amount of blush across her cheeks, and dabbed on her favorite pink lipgloss.

Pearl smiled at herself. Perfect.

Then she took her comb, and carefully brushed her hair, fluffing at it slightly. She ran her hand through it carefully.

It was so nice, it being short that way. Pearl sighed.

Briskly she finished it all up by slipping a narrow headband into her hair, and carefully pinning in her favorite star studded earrings.

She smiled hesitantly at her reflection. Slowly she turned.

Maybe…she was beautiful. Perhaps.

Quickly she went over to her closet and pulled out a white cardigan, briskly buttoning it up. Suddenly her hands froze, remembering what Amethyst had said.

Slowly she smiled to herself, and left the top three buttons undone.

Maybe she couldn’t pull it off as well as Amethyst or Lapis, but still. She could try a little.

Pearl smiled, and grabbed her purse from its hanger behind her door. She slipped out of her room, and down the stairs, trying to fight the mixed waves of both excitement and pure terror.

She was going on a date. And, she realized with growing stress, it was her first date with anyone, ever. Suddenly she swallowed, feeling even more nervous.

Carefully she took a deep breath, and kept walking.

                                                                                                                         -:-

Lapis stood in the empty parking lot behind the school, trying to fight the waves of anxiousness that were coursing through her.

This was the reason that she tried to never get anywhere early. Waiting around gave her too much time to think, and thinking always made her worry.

Frowning, she ran a hand through her curls. She sighed softly. A bird chirped, but the sound felt very far away.

The sun was almost completely gone, just a faint glow on the horizon remained. It cast the parking lot in a sort of dark, hazy glow.

Lapis stuffed her hands into the pockets of her jacket. Far away, she could hear music coming from the dance, and the sound of teenage laughter.

She shoved down the thoughts about what she was doing. Lapis still couldn’t say that Pearl wouldn’t be better off in that place, with all the normal people. Maybe Lapis was just trying to turn her into a freak like herself. Perhaps this wasn’t-

She stopped, as she saw her.

Carefully Pearl crept into the parking lot, a streetlight highlighting her delicate features. She hadn’t seen Lapis yet.

Lapis stared at her, hands sort of falling out of her jacket.

She was wearing the prettiest bluey-green dress, falling to just above her knees and tucking in at her slim waist. Over that she had worn a cream colored cardigan, one that hung neatly over her thin frame. Her pink hair glimmered in the fading light.

Pearl glanced around, looking for her. Her eyes widened as they fell upon Lapis.

Lapis smiled at her hesitantly.

Glancing nervously around herself, she quickly walked over to where Lapis stood, waiting.  Lapis swallowed, hoping that she didn’t look as afraid as she felt.

Pearl came up to her, smiling nervously. “Hi.” she said softly.

Lapis smiled.

“Hey.”

She cleared her throat. “So, you wanna go?”

Pearl eyed her motorcycle with great hesitance. “Those are death machines, you know.” Pearl said, arching an eyebrow.

Suddenly Lapis smirked. “I promise I won’t kill you.”

Pearl sighed, but she was still smiling. “All right. But you’d better mean that.”

Lapis grinned, throwing a leg over the side of her motorcycle. She gestured for Pearl to get on behind her. Hesitantly, she did.

Sighing softly, she tucked her arms around Lapis’s waist. Lapis felt her cheeks burn, and she was grateful that Pearl couldn’t see her expression.

Slowly she took a deep breath, and started the engine. With a huff of smoke they drove off.

                                                                                                                         -:-

  
Pearl imagined this was what being ill in slow motion must feel like.

As they drove along, she felt as though her thoughts and emotions were rushing past faster than the lights of their small town.

Lapis had been standing in the parking lot, next to that…thing she rode, and Pearl had almost not recognized her. Standing there, staring at nothingness, waiting, waiting on her, she had been the very image of serene.

She oozed confidence and calmness, and Pearl could hardly fathom that this was the girl that she was actually going out with. That she actually kissed sometimes.

Lapis had done something to her hair, curled it maybe, and it hung around her face in a way that Pearl could only describe as radiant.

She was radiant. And she was Pearl’s.

Pearl held on to Lapis’s waist a little tighter. The blue haired girl glanced behind her.

“You okay?” she asked, her voice floating through the air in a faint way.

Pearl forced a smile. “Great.”

Truthfully, she hated riding the thing. But she liked being this close to Lapis, so it was a matter of conflict. But she only swallowed, and held on tighter. Lapis smirked, and drove on.

                                                                                                             -:-

  
They drove down dark roads, the sun gone completely now.

Pearl realized with a start that pretty soon they would be on the far edge of town. And, unless Lapis was kidnaping her, they had no reason to be out this far. But she swallowed, and said nothing.

When they were fairly far out, they pulled up to an old shack of a restaurant, and Lapis quickly hopped off, going inside.

Pearl waited outside.

After a minute or two, she came back carrying two brown paper bags, handing them to Pearl. She took them from her hesitantly, and then they were off again.

Finally, they came to a stop, and Lapis jumped off with an ease Pearl greatly envied. Slowly she stood, her legs trembling slightly.

Lapis smiled, taking her hand, and helped her carefully off of the motorbike. Pearl handed the bags to Lapis, and smoothed down her dress carefully.

She glanced around them, their surroundings odd in the dark. They were in a wooded area, with a clearing and a few picnic tables scattered about.

Suddenly, as they came closer, the trees parted, revealing a overlook, the lights of the entire town spread out, far below them both. Pearl stared at it, unable to look away.

“It’s the whole city.” Lapis’s voice snapped her out of her thoughts, and she glanced over at her. “People come here sometimes in the summer, but no one will right now.”

Pearl stared at her. “It’s…beautiful.” She turned to Lapis, a small smile on her lips.

Lapis stared at her, the breeze ruffling her curls, causing them to flutter against her cheeks. Slowly Pearl leaned into her, sighing softly as their lips brushed each other's gently. After a moment they pulled apart with hesitance.

Their eyes met, and they both blushed brightly.

                                                                                                                    -:-

  
It turned out, to Lapis’s immense relief, that Pearl didn’t seem to completely hate the idea of eating sandwiches on top of a picnic table in the middle of nowhere.

They both climbed onto the top of the picnic table, and sat quietly, eating a little bit, but mostly trying to glance at the other without the other seeing. Their eyes met far too many times, and then they’d both blush and look away.

Lapis sighed, setting her sandwich down. “Pearl?”

Pearl exhaled, folding her hands in her lap.“Lapis.” Lapis’s brow furrowed as she winced. “I…um-“

“Lapis.” Pearl said softly, turning abruptly to face Lapis.

She swallowed. “Yeah?”

Pearl rubbed her hands together nervously before continuing. “What’s going on with you?”

Lapis smiled weakly. “Nothing, there’s nothing that’s-“

“Lapis.” Pearl said softly, stopping her. Pearl’s expression was sad. “I know what’s wrong.”

Lapis’s heart stopped.

“Pearl-I can explain-“

Pearl smiled sadly at her lap, shaking her head. “It’s fine. Y-you were sweet to not want to tell me. But I can’t-I don’t want to do this anymore.”

Lapis stared at her, and all of a sudden she felt as though she might start crying. “I-I’m sorry Pearl. I didn’t want it to happen this way. I just-“

Pearl looked up, and her eyes were full of tears. They shone in the light.

“It-it was a good thing to try. But, I mean, what did we expect? There was no-“ she stopped, swallowing. “I’m just-just not the right person for you. I mean, we’re so different, no wonder you’d be sick of me-“

Lapis stared at her.

“Wait, what?”

Pearl glanced at her.

“I know that you want to break up with me. It’s fine-I-I really don’t mind…” Pearl trailed off, her eyes downcast.

Lapis stared at her with horror. “No! That’s not-I didn’t-“

Pearl stared at her shoes. This was so wrong.  So, so wrong.

Lapis thought she might be sick. Slowly she took a deep breath, turning to Pearl.

“Pearl. I do not want to break up with you. I’m-I’m never…bored by you. Ever.” She felt tears well up in her eyes.

Pearl stared at her, her blue eyes studying Lapis’s face.

“Then why? Why won’t you talk to me? What’s going on Lapis?!” Pearl said frustratedly.

Slowly Lapis hung her head. Pearl stared at her with confusion.

“I-I messed up Pearl. I’ve messed up everything.” she said in a tiny voice, unable to look at Pearl.

Pearl stared at her, frowning. “What are you talking about?”

Lapis gazed up at her, Pearl’s eyes staring at her like liquid stars, piercing and hazy.

“Your grandmother knows about us because of me, Jasper told me that she’d hurt you if we keep dating and I spoke to Rose and I have no idea why you’re dating me because I’m absolutely nothing like her and I-“ she stopped, her voice cracking.

Pearl’s eyes stared at her, her expression unreadable. Suddenly Lapis’s eyes overflowed, tears running down her cheeks.

Pearl gasped, unfreezing, immediately wrapping her arms around Lapis’s shoulders as they shook. “Lapis…I…”

Lapis let out a strangled, undignified sob. “I’m so sorry Pearl. I didn’t want to tell you. And then I made you feel as though I was bored by you. I’m not. Not ever.”

Pearl smiled at her softly, brushing her bangs away from her eyes. Lapis sniffed, rubbing at her eyes quickly.

She tried to scoot away, but Pearl kept her arms wrapped tightly around her shoulders, holding her close. She wanted to look away from Pearl’s gaze, but she couldn’t.

Pearl softly cupped her cheek, rubbing away a stray tear. “Lapis.”

Lapis blinked. “Yes?”

“My grandmother, she knows. I know she knows. It’s okay. I am not scared of Jasper. If we break up, it’s going to be because of us, not from anything she’s said or done. And what about Rose?”

Lapis exhaled shakily.

“Yeah. It’s just- she’s so beautiful, and kind and pretty and sweet. Her hair is so-long and pretty, she’s perfect, gorgeous.”

A wry smile twitched at Pearl’s lips. “Do you want to go date her instead?”

Lapis rolled her eyes, looking away.

After a moment of silence Pearl spoke. “Lapis, look at me.” she said softly.

Lapis looked up.

Pearl ran a hand through her hair, tugging at a strand of blue hair teasingly. “ _You’re_ beautiful, and kind and sweet. You’re-wonderful. Lapis, you’re kinder than Rose, because you’ve always been there for me. Whenever I’ve needed you, you’ve always dropped everything and come.” she smiled tearily.

“You’re so…” she stopped, laughing softly. “I don’t know. You’re perfect.” A tiny smirk danced at her lips. “And I like your hair. I love how short and blue it is. It’s so adorable and pretty.”

Lapis flushed red. “Oh.”

Pearl nodded. “Now, is that all?”

Lapis nodded, staring down embarrassedly at her lap. She felt rather ridiculous, seeing Pearl being completely unfazed by anything Lapis had told her.

“Lapis, why didn’t you just tell me about all that stuff?” Pearl asked quietly.

Lapis sighed heavily. “I just-I thought that it was all worse than that. I don’t know.”

Pearl sighed, tugging Lapis against her chest. Lapis let her head fall against the crook of Pearl’s neck. Gently Pearl rested her head on top of hers.

“Are-are we okay?” Lapis asked hesitantly.

Pearl glanced down at her. “Of course. But you have to start telling me these things, Lapis. I want to know. I want to be a part of you life, but I can’t if you won’t tell me anything.”

Lapis nodded instantly. “Okay. Got it.”

Pearl smiled, pressing a kiss against her cheek.

“Thank you.” she murmured softly.

They sat quietly, staring out at the city lights.

“Do you ever wish you were down there?” Lapis asked suddenly. Pearl took a moment to answer.

“No. Never.”

Lapis glanced up at her. Pearl eyes stared back at her, wide with some feeling Lapis didn’t know. Slowly they drew together, Lapis pressing their lips together.

Pearl cupped her face with her hands, bringing her even closer. They moved perfectly with one another, a passion that came from something like desperation pushing them together.

Lapis wrapped her arms around Pearl’s neck, kissing her harder. Pearl gasped, and returned it, pressing against Lapis with a new vigor.

Hands ran through hair, and across skin. Lapis’s jacket got tugged off, and Pearl’s sweater joined it on the ground soon after. Pearl ran her hands along Lapis’s bare arms, tracing her skin delicately. Lapis sighed against Pearl’s lips, running her hands through Pearl’s soft hair.

Pearl nipped against her lips, gently asking for more. Lapis grinned, and complied, slowly opening her lips.

Pearl’s tongue hesitantly entered her mouth, tracing along the inside ever so pleasantly. Lapis sighed, burying her hands into Pearl’s hair.

She would have never guessed that Pearl would be such a good kisser.

She almost laughed to herself. But she didn’t, being far too focused on the girl in front of her. Pearl made a sound like a soft sigh, leaning even closer.

Her hands, though freezing cold, pressed pleasantly into Lapis’s back, tracing tiny circles there. Lapis bit down lightly onto Pearl’s lip, causing the other girl to let out a tiny squeak.

“Sorry.” she murmured, licking her lip in apology. Pearl merely shook her head, and tugged Lapis back onto her lips.

Lapis smiled widely.

                                                                                                                    -:-

After they had kissed long enough for Pearl’s mind to turn to putty, she and Lapis pulled away from one another.

Pearl couldn’t help a breathless sort of laugh from escaping. “Um.”

Lapis was bright red, but a huge grin was plastered on her face. “Yeah. So.”

Suddenly Pearl giggled. All of a sudden the weight of everything disappeared, and they were both just sitting on top of a picnic table in the middle of nowhere, unable to keep from giggling over the frank ridiculousness of the entire situation.

Finally Pearl managed to take a deep breath and get control of her laughter. She glanced over at Lapis, and their eyes met.

Lapis smiled widely at her in a way that was open, and full of something like sheer joy. It was so different from how she had been over the past few days, and seeing her smile like that made Pearl’s heart feel like bursting.

All of a sudden, as Lapis gazed at her, dark eyes shining with the lights of the city and blue hair gleaming in the dust, Pearl was overwhelmed with emotions.

It must have shown on her face, because Lapis arched an eyebrow, smiling. “What?”

Pearl shook her head, still smiling stupidly. “It’s just- You have no idea how I feel about you. I have no idea how I feel about you. This is all so insane, yet, somehow…”. she trailed off.

“It’s perfect.” Lapis finished, squeezing her hand.

“It’s perfect.” Pearl repeated softly. Lapis smiled radiantly at her.

“Yeah.”

Moving carefully, Pearl tucked her arm around Lapis’s shoulders, tugging her tightly against her. Lapis sighed happily, leaning into her chest. They sat there for a long time.

The birds chirped softly overhead.

                                                                                                                         -:-

   
Lapis pulled to a stop a block or so from Pearl’s house, her motorcycle giving out a little huff of protest.

She felt Pearl sigh into her back, before letting go of her waist and climbing off. Her legs were still shaking slightly.

Lapis smiled faintly, before she got off herself and quickly grabbed Pearl’s hand. Pearl smiled at her gratefully.

“Thanks.” she murmured softly.

She turned to face Lapis, their hands still intertwined.

“Tonight was wonderful.” she said quietly.

Lapis rubbed her thumb against Pearl’s palm. “It was.”

She looked at Pearl hesitantly. “First of many, I hope.” It was more of a question than a statement.

Pearl stared at her for a moment, then suddenly laughed. She leaned forward, cupping Lapis’s cheek with her hand. Carefully she kissed her, and Lapis felt herself melting into her.

The wind blew, and they pulled apart with a slight sigh in the air. Pearl stared at her with a tiny smile on her lips. “Goodnight Lapis.”

She turned, and began to walk away.

Lapis smiled, before biting her lip.

“You didn’t answer my question!” she called after her. Pearl turned, her eyes shining wide in the night.

“What do you think?” she said with a beaming smile, before turning away.

Lapis stared at her, unable to help the huge grin that spread across her face. Lapis stood there till she turned the corner to her own street, and even a little bit after.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> yay ^-^ !!!! 
> 
> Btw, this was fun fun fun to write ;) Maybe the funnest one yet? I dunno ;)
> 
> Anyway, have you guys been having a good summer? I have, and although it's been raining buckets where I live, I've gotten so much writing done that I hardly care;D 
> 
> Also I just have a question, something that I've wondered about with fan fiction in general. Do you think that you tend more to read and write stories that reflect your sexuality, or not as much? Personally I totally slant to my own, but I wanna know what you guys think!


	12. pain makes me cruel, it makes me hurt you

Everything was still. 

Not even the branches trembled outside Pearl’s window. She stirred vaguely in her sleep, moaning softly.  All of a sudden, the wind blew hard, shattering the stillness. 

Pearl’s eyes opened with a start, and she sat straight up in her bed, hands clutching at the sheets.  Her mind was racing, churning with the remains of a pounding nightmare, and her blankets were slightly damp with sweat. 

Pearl ran a hand over her hair, smoothing it and trying to calm herself at the same time. 

Shakily she exhaled. 

The echoes of her nightmare lingered in her mind, and she blinked multiple times, trying to remove them. 

Pearl winced as she noticed a painful overwhelming ache beginning to bloom inside her chest.  She bit her cheek and lied back down, knowing that there was little hope of her getting any more sleep at all that night. 

The wind gusted once more outside.  

                                                                                                                                -:-

The next afternoon Pearl was home, sick again.  And Lapis, once more, had to deliver her homework to her. 

Her motorcycle made a grumpy noise as she pulled to a stop in front of Pearl’s primly perfect house.  Lapis sighed to herself as she got off her bike and went up to Pearl’s front door. 

It seemed as though Pearl was missing school every other week now. 

Lapis bit her lip.  It wasn’t… _completely_ her business, but she had to admit, all this made her curious about the state of Pearl’s health.  How good it was, Lapis wasn’t sure.

She exhaled, and rang the doorbell. 

Stuffing her hands into her jacket pockets, she shifted uncomfortably, waiting for someone to answer. 

Finally Pearl’s mother opened the door. 

She smiled politely, but Lapis was surprised to see deep circles under her eyes. Instead of making a snippy comment towards Lapis, she just smiled weakly. 

“Hi.  I’ve brought some school stuff for Pearl. Homework.” she said, clarifying. 

Pearl’s mother nodded.  “Yes, yes. Of course.  T-that’s very nice of you.” she said quietly, opening the door wider for Lapis. 

Lapis smiled smally, stepping inside. Their house was just as it had been the last time Lapis had been there; neat and perfect, clean to an extreme. 

But there was something…off. 

Lapis rubbed her thumb against the palm of her hand.

Pearl’s mother looked wrong too.  Too…tired. Sad.

But before Lapis could ponder it any further, Pearl’s mother arrived at the stairs, gesturing upstairs.  “Go on up.  She’s just resting a little bit. Don’t stay too long, please.  She really needs her rest.” 

Lapis nodded quickly.  “Yes. Of course.” 

She started up the stairs, casting a brief glance behind her.  Pearl’s mother sat down on the sofa with a tired sigh.  Lapis frowned, but continued up the stairs. 

                                                                                                                                    -:-

Once she got to Pearl’s door, she gently knocked on the wooden door panel. 

“It’s fine.” Pearl’s voice said, floating gently through the door.  Lapis gripped the doorknob, a sheen of sweat across her hands, before letting it turn. 

Pearl was sitting upright in her bed, blankets tucked neatly around her.  Lapis was relieved to see that, despite being slightly pale and circle eyed, Pearl seemed to be just fine. 

She smiled happily at Lapis, and Lapis couldn’t keep from returning her smile. 

“Hey.” she said softly.  Pearl laughed at her worried eyes. 

“I’m fine. Really Lapis.” 

Lapis frowned, sitting carefully down on the corner of her bed.  “You wouldn't have missed school if you were fine.” 

Pearl rolled her eyes.  “Yes, well.  Things…happened.” 

Lapis stared at her flatly. 

“Like?” 

Pearl sighed, her fingers curling around the edges of her blankets.  “I just- I had a really bad stomach ache last night, and it was still hurting this morning.  I had to stay in bed.  But it’s better now.” she added quickly, seeing Lapis’s worried expression. 

Lapis stared at her.  Pearl’s eyes were the most beautiful color; a strange sort of greenish blue.  Teal maybe.  They glinted, shining with little sparkles of light.  There was a tiny smile on Pearl’s face, and Lapis realized that she must still be staring. 

“Lapis?” Pearl asked, still smiling. Her voice was soft, with the prettiest little lilt to it.  Like some kind of songbird.

Lapis swallowed.  “Uh…yeah?”

“What is it?”

Lapis stared at her, and suddenly it felt as though her brain was turning to putty in Pearl’s gaze. 

“Your eyes are pretty.” she blurted, her face immediately turning violently red.  Pearl’s cheeks flushed hard as well. 

“Oh.  Um…thank you.” she said softly, toying with her sheets.  Lapis groaned, burying her face in her hands.

 “Why did I say that?” she said through her hands, thoroughly embarrassed. 

Pearl giggled.  “You’re such a sweetie.” she said teasingly.  Lapis felt one of her hands curl into her hair, tugging at the strands of hair there. 

Slowly Lapis removed her hands from her face, to see Pearl staring at her with gentle eyes.  Pearl sat up slightly, scooting closer to Lapis. 

“You know, I’m not sick at all today. No germs what so ever.” Her eyes fell to Lapis’s lips. 

Lapis nodded, barely able to pay attention with Pearl’s hands still playing with her hair.  Lapis smiled softly, tugging off her jacket, leaving her in the cropped shirt that she wore underneath.  It was very cropped too, exposing most of her pale midriff.

Pearl watched her with wide eyes, her cheeks turning even pinker.  Slowly, Lapis turned back to her girlfriend, who was still staring at her, eyes huge.

Lapis smiled slightly before she leaned forward, pressing their lips together in a chaste kiss. Pearl closed her eyes immediately, melting into her. 

Her hands moved back into Lapis’s hair, arms winding around her neck. Lapis wrapped her arms around Pearl’s waist, pulling her closer to her. 

Pearl made a happy noise, sort of a mix between a squeal and a laugh, and it was the best sound Lapis had ever heard.

The kiss grew deeper as they held each other closer.  Both of them sort of lost their balance in the middle of it, and ended up falling back against the mattress and pillows. 

They pulled apart, and both of them were unable to keep from giggling.

 “I think kissing is your favorite part.” Lapis said with a smirk. Pearl blushed, but arched an eyebrow. 

“It's not yours?” she said, pretending to sound offended.  Lapis laughed, and tugged her closer. 

“I never said that.” 

Pearl smiled, burying her head into Lapis’s chest. 

Lapis shifted, tugging them into a more comfortable position on her bed. She held Pearl close as she nuzzled into Lapis.  Lapis pressed a kiss against her forehead.

 “Calculus is a nightmare.” she said suddenly. 

 

Pearl glanced up at the abrupt change of subject. 

“What?”

Lapis shrugged. 

“Calculus.  It’s awful.  Or I'm just awful at it.  One of those two.” she smiled dryly. 

Pearl stared at her, not laughing. She sat up a bit, tugging herself from Lapis’s arms. 

“Pearl- is something-“

“It’s not that you’re just bad at calculus. You’re plenty smart enough to manage it.  It’s just not being explained to you in the right way.” she smiled, satisfied, as though Lapis were supposed to get what she meant. 

“Um, Pearl, I don’t know how that helps anything.”

Pearl smiled triumphantly.  “Because I can teach you! I happen to be fantastic at calculus.” 

Lapis couldn’t help but smile at her enthusiasm.  “Okay. I guess we could try.”

Pearl beamed, and leaned over, reaching towards Lapis’s bag.  “Do you have your book with you now?” 

Lapis shook her head, tugging Pearl back into her arms.  _“Mhm._   I don’t think so.  No calculus on days when you’re too sick to go to school.” 

Pearl sighed, but she didn’t resist as Lapis pulled her back down beside her. Lapis tugged her small frame back against her own chest, Pearl sighing softly. She flopped back against Lapis's chest, and Lapis carefully wrapped her arms around her tiny torso.

Lapis’s eyes studied her face carefully, as she ran a hand gently over her hair.  Pearl’s eyes were rimmed by dark, heavy circles, made worse by how pale her skin was. 

“Pearl… is there something wrong? Are-are you sick?”

Pearl stared at her, eyes wide and curious.

“Do I look sick?” she asked, slightly self consciously. 

Lapis shook her head.  “No.  You just…seem pale. And I-I don’t get why your stomach’s hurting like this.” 

Pearl’s eyes fell, and Lapis felt a pinch of worry. 

“What?”

Pearl sighed, her hands tracing lightly at Lapis’s arms. 

“This-it isn’t weird, not for me.”

Lapis frowned.  “I don’t understand.” 

Pearl bit her lip, taking a moment to answer. 

“My stomach has…always hurt a lot like this.  I was sort of-sickly, when I was younger, and it’s never really gone away.” Her eyes flitted away from Lapis, now uncomfortable. 

Lapis didn’t fully understand what she meant, but it was certainly nothing that she should be embarrassed over. Pearl had nothing to be embarrassed about with her.

She ran her hand over Pearl’s bare arm softly, in a way she hoped was comforting. 

“Hey. You don’t have to be embarrassed about something like this.  I just wanna make sure that you’re okay.” 

Pearl bit her lip, but she couldn’t hide the tiny smile that grew on her lips.  “Thank you.  All of it, it's getting better as I get older.  Now I only have the occasional bad day.  Still though, it would be nice to be a very…healthy, tough sort of person.” she said wistfully.

Lapis laughed. “Please.  I don’t know about health, but you are undoubtedly the toughest person I’ve ever met.” 

Pearl flushed happily at that. 

Lapis wrapped her arms around her, tugging her head against her chest.  Pearl sighed happily, burying her head into Lapis’s shirt.  Lapis heard her sigh once more, and then fall still. 

She smiled gently, toying with her hair. 

It was fascinating at just how close the color was to pink.  Her hair had a very soft hint of blonde, but far more of it was a lightish pinky color.  Lapis vaguely wondered if she could ever convince Pearl into actually dyeing her hair.  

She half considered asking, just to see her reaction. 

Lapis smirked. 

Downstairs she could hear Pearl’s mother’s foot falls clicking around the house.  Briefly Lapis thought of how it would be completely horrible if Pearl’s mother were to walk in on them like this. 

Both of them, lying down on Pearl’s bed together.  With her daughter in Lapis’s arms no less.

But she didn’t seem to check on Pearl all that much, and besides, Lapis could tell that Pearl needed it. 

One thing that she had learned quickly about Pearl was that, despite her strong _don’t-touch-me_ vibes, she actually loved to be touched. 

When they were in public it was limited, but Pearl’s hand or knee always brushed her own far too many times for it to be accidental.  And once they were alone, Pearl normally found her way into Lapis’s arms rather quickly. 

Not that Lapis was complaining. 

She found all of the affection that Pearl loved to give truly adorable. She just wished that she was better at returning it. Lapis felt as though she was a permanent, frowning grump compared to Pearl.

Pearl squirmed slightly, knocking Lapis out of her thoughts. 

“Thank you…” she murmured sleepily. 

Lapis smiled down at her.  “What for?” 

Pearl sighed, wiggling closer. “Just…for doing this.  Putting up with me.  I-I know that this can’t…be very much fun for you. I’m always just such a drag, being sick and lying around.”  Her eyes fell, not meeting Lapis’s.

Lapis just stared at her, her stomach twisting. 

She had no idea what she was supposed to say, that Pearl would actually believe.  The truth burned at her lips. 

 

 _No, you’re never boring to me.  Just being here with you is the best thing in the entire world to me, and I never, ever want to leave._  

 

She swallowed. 

Slowly she reached over, cupping Pearl’s cheek.  “Hey.  Look at me.” she murmured softly. 

It took a moment, but hesitantly the other girl looked up.  Lapis smiled gently at her. 

“This-it’s not boring.  You’re not boring.  I like being able to just lay here with you.  I like taking it slowly.”  she paused, exhaling.  “When I was with Jasper, we-we never had…moments like this.  She was never interested in just talking to me or anything.  All she wanted to do was have sex.  I-I thought that that was what I wanted. But I know now…it’s not.” 

She laced her fingers through Pearl’s. 

“This is what I want.  You are what I want.  And as long as you want me here, I want to be here.” 

Pearl stared at her, looking a bit struck. 

Lapis laughed softly at her expression, and pressed a gentle kiss against her lips. When she pulled away Pearl was still staring at her with wide eyes.

Lapis brushed at Pearl’s bangs, pushing them out from her eyes.  She could see Pearl swallow. 

“Y-you really mean that, don’t you.”

It wasn’t a question, but Lapis nodded. 

“Yeah.” 

Pearl stared at her, but then she smiled.  “Thank you.”

Lapis laughed. “You don’t have to say thank you every time that I say I like you.” 

Pearl blushed into Lapis’s shirt, but Lapis heard her giggle softly.

“I know.  I just have a hard time helping myself.”

Lapis rolled her eyes and hugged her closer against her torso. 

                                                                                                                                                 -:-

After a while, Lapis realized that Pearl was starting to fall asleep and decided that it was time for her to leave.  She nudged Pearl’s shoulder gently. 

“Hey.” she whispered. “I have to go now.”

Pearl blinked sleepily.

“Whhyy.” she mumbled into Lapis’s shoulder.  Lapis smiled, gently tugging on a short curl of Pearl’s hair. 

“Because.  You’re tired and sick and need to sleep. And I absolutely will not stay here and keep you from getting the sleep you need.” 

Pearl pouted into her shirt.  “I wish I could sleep with you.” she said softly. 

Lapis knew that that wasn’t what she meant, but even so, her cheeks immediately flushed bright red.  After all, they were both curled in a bed together.  Tightly wrapped together too. 

She could feel every rise and fall of Pearl’s chest against hers. She exhaled, and tried her hardest not to think about Pearl like…that.

Pearl nuzzled her cheek, jolting her out of her thoughts.  “If you have to leave, then I want you to kiss me again before you go.”

Lapis blushed at her bluntness. “I thought you used to be shy about this sort of thing.” she said, half joking and half serious.

Pearl blushed, but she just shrugged. 

“Y-you’re my girlfriend.  And I really like kissing you. And I don’t know when I’ll get to kiss you again, so I need you to do it now.”

Lapis laughed.  “As if you needed to ask me.”

She smirked slightly before pressing her lips to Pearl’s.  Pearl let out the most tiny adorable little gasp, and it made Lapis’s stomach feel tingly.  She just sort of melted into Lapis’s arms, winding her arms around her neck. 

Lapis could feel her sweater rubbing into her skin. Their legs sort of twisted around each others, and Lapis wrapped her arms around Pearl’s slim waist, pressing her torso against her own, as close as they could possibly be. 

Pearl sighed once against her lips, before resuming their kiss. 

They kissed leisurely for a little while, sometimes sighing or gasping softly. 

Finally Lapis pulled away.  Pearl’s eyes were still closed.  Lapis laughed softly, running a hand through her short little bangs, coaxing her eyes open.  After a moment, they fluttered open. 

“Are we done?” Pearl asked, her eyes turning a bit puppyish. 

Lapis nodded gently. 

“I gotta let you get some sleep. You’re not going to feel better just by laying around kissing me.” 

Pearl pouted.  “You don’t know that.”

Lapis laughed. “Yeah, I do.” 

Gently she pressed a kiss against Pearl’s forehead, then once more on her lips, before she stood.  Pearl shifted around to look at her, but Lapis was happy to see that she didn’t sit up.

Pearl stared at her with wide eyes, tucking a hand under her head. 

“I wish you could stay.”  Pearl murmured softly, her eyes getting watery in the way that made Lapis want to rush back to her and hug her till she smiled again. 

Lapis sighed.  “Me too.” 

Gently she ran a hand over Pearl’s hair, smoothing it down neatly.  Pearl sighed. 

Lapis bit her lip.  “Hey, let me fix your sheets.  They’re all wrinkly.” Pearl smiled. 

“All right.” 

Quickly Lapis fixed her slightly rumpled sheets, carefully smoothing them down in a way that she knew Pearl liked.  She could feel Pearl’s eyes on her, and she bit her lip, trying, and probably failing, to hide her blush. 

“You’re so sweet.”  Pearl murmured softly. 

Lapis blushed harder. 

“I-ah…” 

Pearl giggled, and it was such a pretty tinkling noise.  “Really though.  You are.” She wiggled slightly into her sheets. 

Lapis stared at her for a moment. 

Her face was pale, bare of makeup, yet her skin was still perfectly smooth, somehow like porcelain.  Stray curls of hair poked up in random angles, framing her face prettily. Her lips had a slight pink color to them, and they were smiling ever so gently. 

Lapis could see the circles under her eyes, and could tell how pale she was, but suddenly she couldn’t help but think that she had never looked more beautiful. 

Pearl stared at her with a little smile, and Lapis realized that she must have a goofy look on her face. 

“What?” she asked, and Lapis blushed harder. 

“You’re beautiful.” she blurted. 

Pearl’s cheeks instantly turned pink. 

“Oh-um….thank you.”

Lapis shifted awkwardly. “Yeah.” 

Pearl let out a soft laugh. Lapis felt her nerves fade slightly. “I need to go before I say anything else embarrassing.”

Pearl smiled, nodding.  “Yes. But one more kiss please.”

She smiled in defeat, before going over to her. Lapis held her hair back as she leaned over, pressing their lips together once more.

Pearl made a happy sound as her hands reached up, cupping Lapis’s cheeks.  Her lips were so soft and gentle.  They tasted like strawberries. 

Lapis pulled away, but not before pecking a tiny kiss at the tip of Pearl’s nose, causing a giggle to escape the other girl. 

Lapis grinned, moving to pick up her bag. 

“I’ve _really_ got to go now.  Get some sleep.”

Pearl nodded.  “Promise.  I’ll see you tomorrow at school.”

Lapis shrugged.  “If you can’t come, it’s fine.  I promise you, you’re not missing anything.” she said with a smirk.

Pearl rolled her eyes.  “I’m going to be there.” 

Lapis grinned. 

“Bye.”

Pearl waved with a tiny little smile on her face, and Lapis carefully shut the door behind herself. 

Lapis couldn’t help but smile stupidly all the way down the stairs.  As she got closer to the bottom she heard voices floating in from the parlor.  It sounded like Pearl’s mother and grandmother. 

They were discussing something, and Pearl’s mother sounded annoyed. 

Lapis was tempted to sneak out the back door, but she decided against it.  She bit back a sigh and went into the sitting room. 

Both women glanced up when she entered the room, instantly falling silent.  Lapis had to fight the urge to roll her eyes. 

“Thank you for letting me visit. I appreciate it.”  she said honestly. 

Both women nodded.  “Of course,” her grandmother answered, “it was sweet of you to bring Pearl her homework.”

Lapis shrugged.  “It wasn’t a big deal.”

Pearl’s mother smiled rather tightly, her hands clenching the sofa.

“Anyway,” the grandmother said in a rush, “I was wondering if you would want to come over for dinner sometime? Maybe this Tuesday?”

Lapis blinked. 

 

_Oh god no._

 

She tried to keep her expression blank, but internally she was panicking.  Pearl’s parents having an opportunity to watch the both of them together was asking for disaster.

But Pearl’s grandmother was staring at her expectantly. Her mother was staring determinedly down at the rug. 

Suddenly Lapis got it.  This was all the grandmother’s idea.  She wanted this. And she was forcing Pearl’s mother along with her. 

Pearl's mother wanted Lapis to turn down the offer and be rude as much as Lapis herself wanted to. 

Internally, she smirked. 

Outside, she smiled sweetly.  “I would _love_ that.  This Tuesday would be perfect.”  Pearl's grandmother beamed, and her mother scowled harder. 

“Wonderful!” she said, clasping her hands together.  “Just come over about 6 ish.”

Lapis smiled darkly. 

“Can’t wait.” 

                                                                                                                              -:-

Pearl felt as though she were exhausted to her core.  There was just a sort of tiredness inside her, that was so prevalent it seemed to wear through her constantly. 

On the bright side, she had been able to get some sleep after Lapis had left, and managed to sleep all the way till the next morning. 

She woke up with her alarm clock vibrating beside her.  With a groan she shoved the ringer off. 

Pearl rubbed at her tired eyes before she stumbled out of bed.  The floor of her bathroom was cold as she fumbled around, trying to get dressed. 

She took a quick shower, which ended up being a long one.  The hot water felt nice and soothing against her stomach, which, despite feeling a large bit better, still had a dull ache inside of its core. 

Pearl reluctantly got out of the shower, shutting off the water with a screech.  With slow movements, she carefully dried her entire body with the towel. 

She sighed.

Slowly she slipped out of the bathroom, and back into her own bedroom.  Her feet felt so heavy and tired. The reflection in the mirror seemed to stare emptily back at her. 

She stared at herself, almost wanting to cry at how dead she looked.  The deep circles were still there, and her skin was even paler than it had been before. 

Carefully she unwrapped the towel from where it was tucked around her torso, setting it down on her bed.  She stared at herself. 

Pearl bit her lip.  There were so many things that she didn’t like.  So many. 

Her body was pale and thin, and very long.  Short threads of hair hung across her forehead like strings.  All of the bones in her torso were well-defined, her hip bones sticking out rigidly.  Every rib had a small bump on her chest. 

And it wasn’t as though she was just simply thin; she lacked most defining female features.  What was there of her chest was small and thin, and her hips were narrow. 

Her figure closer resembled that of a stick, rather than any noticeable curves. 

Pearl stared at herself, completely still.  She was so ugly.

A slight tremble went through her body.  With her hair so short and her body so thin, she barely looked like a girl at all anymore. 

Suddenly a wave of nausea washed over her. 

She bent over, kneeling onto the floor.  The wooden flooring pressed against her forehead as she knelt over on her knees.  A pulsing pain began to pound through her torso. 

Pearl had to bite down hard on her cheek to keep a groan from escaping.   Dark spots flashed in front of her eyes.

Her fists clenched.  It didn’t matter if her stomach was hurting a little bit.  She had to get up. 

She couldn’t be sick again. 

She couldn’t take everyone’s constant pity.

Her mother staring at her with those eyes that were so, so let down that Pearl was ill again.  Lapis, with all of her worrying. 

Pearl shut her eyes.  Slowly she shoved herself to her feet.  She had to go to ballet practice.

Her teacher was coming in early to work with her one on one, and Pearl couldn’t waste her time by just flaking out. Pearl almost laughed.  Dancing with the pain in her torso seemed almost ridiculous.  But she had to. 

Maybe it would go away by then. 

She exhaled.  All she needed was an aleve or two.  That would snap the ache in half, and then she’d be able to continue on just fine. 

Her feet stumbled her over to her dresser, and, with her hands shaking the entire time, managed to fumble on her underwear and a loose blouse.  She swallowed, the pain only growing more constricting. 

Now trying to move a little bit slower, she slipped on socks and a skirt.  She groaned as the waist of the skirt began to pinch at her waist rather uncomfortably. 

A small breath fell from her lips.  It was fine.  She could deal with a little bit of tightness.

Taking a deep breath, she straightened, continuing to dress. 

She slipped on a pair of flats, ran a comb through her hair, and dabbed on as much makeup as she could stand.  

Pearl took a sweater from her closet and slipped it over her shoulders.  It took her almost five minutes to button her sweater completely, her hands were shaking so badly. 

Finally, once she was ready to leave, she grabbed her school bag, checking quickly to make certain she had all of her books, and stepped out of her room.  Walking down the stairs was a bit difficult, and her hand gripped the railing the entire way down.  

Voices of her mother and father floated from the closed doors of the kitchen. 

Pearl took a deep breath, and went into the kitchen. 

Her mother was busily working at cooking something on the stove, and she only gave a small glance and smile in Pearl’s direction. 

Her father was sitting at the kitchen table, newspaper and huge cup of coffee balanced in each hand.  His eyes were entirely focused onto the newspaper, and he did not glance up when Pearl came into the kitchen.

“Hello dear. Would you like some breakfast?” her mother asked. 

Pearl forced a smile that she hoped looked sincere. “Uh, I’d love to, but I’m supposed to be at ballet practice early today. My teacher wants to spend a bit of extra time working with me.”  she said quickly, hoping that her mother wouldn’t ask anymore questions. 

Her mother’s brow furrowed. “Are you sure you don’t want anything to eat before you leave?” 

Pearl smiled far too brightly for it to be real looking.  “No, it’s fine.  I’m not all that hungry anyway.” 

Her mother nodded hesitantly.  She still looked concerned, but she didn’t ask any more questions. 

A bit of relief washed over her.  The thought of eating anything now, putting anything inside her stomach, made her feel sick all over again.

Her mother turned back to the stove, and Pearl relaxed ever so slightly.  “I’m going to head on." Her mother glanced over her shoulder. 

“Okay darling. Have a nice day.” 

Pearl smiled, pressing a quick peck of a kiss against her mother’s cheek, before darting out the door with a small wave.  As soon as the door closed shut behind her, she let out a small moan. 

Her stomach felt as though it were going to burn a hole through her torso.  And now she still had to go and dance.  Her teacher wouldn’t give her a single moments peace either, since it was one on one. 

Pearl wanted nothing more than to collapse into the ground at that moment.  But she didn’t.

The cool morning air blew against her face, alleviating her nausea slightly.  Her nails pressed into the soft flesh of her palms, and the small sting helped her mind clear.

She could do this. 

The words turned themselves over and over in her mind.  She would get through this day somehow, then as soon as she got home, she would go lie down.

So she straightened her back, took a deep breath, and started off to her ballet lesson. 

                                                                                                                                           -:-

Lapis didn’t exactly wake up. 

Waking up implied that she had ever slept, which she hadn’t. 

After she had gotten home from visiting Pearl, she had been busy for the rest of the day. It had taken her several hours to finish the homework that she had lingering around, and then after that it had been time to eat dinner, if she was going to at all. 

She had decided to eat, and, not being in the mood for having another sandwich, cooked some pasta that she had found in the back of the cabinet.  With butter and salt, it hadn’t been half bad. 

After that, she had called Peridot, the other girl being busy with her trigonometry homework.  But surprisingly Peridot had given her a few minutes of her time, and they had talked for a little bit about nothing all that important.  Teachers, and homework assignments. 

Both of them were tired, and the conversation didn’t last long. 

Lapis had gone upstairs afterward to take a long shower and wash away the yuckiness of the day. 

The water felt like heaven against her skin.  She slathered extra shampoo into her scalp, trying to get the feeling of grime off.  Lapis had gotten out of the shower reluctantly, toweling off her body before putting on underwear and a loose shirt, imprinted with a strange, angry-looking band that Lapis liked to listen to sometimes. 

Their music wasn’t bad, but it was a group of guys, and if she were to be honest, she probably couldn’t put names to who the musicians were.  Music was still good though. 

She closed the curtains over her huge window that looked out over the dark neighborhood. 

Slowly, with a heavy sigh, she slipped under the black sheets of her bed. 

Lapis closed her eyes, but her brain refused to turn off properly.  All her thoughts kept flitting back to Pearl. 

 Pearl was strong, she knew that. 

 And it was just pure ridiculousness to keep worrying about her like this. 

But still. 

Lapis hated seeing her lying so sick and tired in her bed like that.  Her skin so pale. 

She swallowed, turning over to her other side.

Lapis hadn't ever had any experience with sick people.  She herself was blessed with something close to miraculous health; she couldn't remember getting anything worse than a cold maybe once or twice over her entire life. 

Her mother had the same remarkable genes.  She never had to stop for anything, not even for rest. 

And her father, she didn’t quite remember.  She felt like he had been healthy too, before he died. 

He had died in his health too.  There was no long, painfully drawn out sickness in a hospital bed; it had happened instantly, they said.  Dead in a heartbeat. 

But Lapis supposed that it was better that way.  

With all the years she had to think about it, think about dying, she had decided that was the way she wanted to die.  Instantly, without any time to think or wonder about it. 

Lapis groaned into her pillow.  She needed to stop thinking about dying.  Right now. 

The breath felt stuck in her throat. 

She swallowed.  Suddenly, her large bed felt so very, very empty.  The entire house felt as silent as a tomb. 

Lapis thought of Pearl, probably lying in her own bed in her own house, a neighborhood away. 

 

An ache in her stomach began to form, a sort of longing.

 

She longed for her.  For Pearl. 

 

The thought of Pearl, alone and hurting, made her want to cry.  Lapis wished that there were some way that she could just be with her, hold her close, keep her safe. 

Make sure that nothing would hurt her, that she would never have to be sad and alone. 

But she was alone now.

And there was nothing that Lapis could do about it. 

All she could hope was that Pearl was sleeping better than she was.  She turned once more in the sheets, trying to block out the thoughts swirling inside her mind.  

                                                                                                                          -:-

The next morning Lapis was exhausted. 

She groaned the instant that she looked in a mirror.  The circles under her eyes had grown so much they had almost taken over her face, and her hair looked like a bird had made a home within it.

It took her forever to get out of the house.

She had to slather her face with concealer just to make herself not look like the undead, and it took her a full twenty minutes to get her hair untangled.

Lapis couldn’t find her homework from the night before, and, after spending a good and panicked fifteen minutes stumbling around, franticly looking for it, she finally found it. 

Placed neatly on top of her desk. 

A few curse words slipped out at that one. 

She ran down the stairs, grabbing a half of a peanut butter sandwich that she had made herself the night before, and dashed out the door.  She got to school at five before eight, and slowly she let out a deep breath. 

It was later than she wanted to be, but still, she wasn’t late. 

Lapis grabbed her book bag and got off her bike, walking into the school building.  A few other people were heading in, but not many. 

The weather was rather nasty, with the air being intensely foggy and damp.  It wasn’t as cool as it had been, but it still made Lapis’s spine feel cold.  It was supposed to get worse later, storms being predicted in the afternoon. 

If there was ever a day to ditch, it would be this one.  Lapis might have ditched it too, except for the fact that she wanted to see Pearl if she could.

Lapis blinked. 

She never acted this way about anyone.  Not even Peridot, much less Jasper.  But Pearl?

Lapis scowled.  She might as well face it, she’d stand on her head if Pearl asked her to. 

She smiled to herself.  Still though…she didn’t hate it.

Suddenly somebody came dashing out of the fog, books pressed to their chest.  Lapis squinted.

“Pearl?” she said, surprised. 

The pink haired girl stopped, chest rising and falling breathlessly.  “L-Lapis.  Hi.”  Her cheeks were flushed brightly from the exertion. 

Lapis went over to her, eyes widening. “Hey.  You look better.  How do you feel?” 

Pearl’s eyes were wide, and somehow they looked paler next to the whites than normal.  “I-ah-much better.” she said firmly, smiling. 

Lapis nodded, a small smile on her face.  “That’s great.” She reached out, giving Pearl’s hand a tiny squeeze. 

Pearl smiled again, but there was something ever so slightly off about it. 

Her expression was a little..forced.  Too tight. 

But then Pearl moved, and the look on her face disappeared.  Lapis shook it away. She was simply looking for problems where they didn’t exist.  She had spent the entire night worrying about Pearl, and now she just couldn’t let it go. 

Pearl turned, going into the school.  She waved to Lapis.  “Hurry, or we’ll be late!” 

Lapis rolled her eyes.  “Coming Pearl.”

She followed her girlfriend into the school.

                                                                                                                                -:- 

The morning was so bad.  That was all that Pearl could say about it. 

Her ballet class had been nothing less than agony, and by the time she finished, she felt as though she could barely walk. 

The changing rooms had been empty, and she had collapsed onto the floor.  How long she lay there, she had no idea.

By the time she managed to gather the energy to stand and dress, it was already seven-thirty.  Like a maniac, she had thrown on her clothes and dashed off in the direction of school. 

She had just barely managed to get there on time. 

Lapis was outside when she got there.  Pearl thought she had hid her hurting fairly successfully from Lapis, but she wasn’t sure. 

But Lapis, thankfully, hadn’t asked any questions, and Pearl hadn’t had to lie.  They had separated with a little wave, and Lapis had pecked her cheek after a glance to make sure no one was looking.   

Her cheek still felt warm from Lapis’s lips. 

She had made it to her first class, sitting down in the back.  That was when it all started to go wrong. 

Her first class was history, and she had forgotten that they had a test scheduled on that day, one that she hadn't studied at all for.  She took the test, and if she got close to even a passing grade it would be a miracle. 

After that, she had her advanced calculus class, with the teacher who spoke so fast that even Pearl had a difficult time keeping up.  And that was on a day when she didn’t feel like her stomach was rotting from the inside out. 

The teacher’s words felt as though they were spinning around her head, and the numbers on the board started blurring together.  After a few minutes of trying to take notes, she finally gave up, just having to hope that someone would be able to lend her their notes after class. 

She went up to one girl who sat at the front of the class as the bell rang.  Blushing slightly, she sheepishly asked if she had any notes that she could look at over lunch.  The girl, tall with long, dark hair, smiled friendlily, and nodded, saying that she was welcome to them. 

Pearl smiled gratefully. 

After that, she had a economics class that was so easy she could just sit through it. 

The chairs in the classroom pinched at her stomach, and she couldn’t help from squirming around the entire class period, trying to find a position that didn’t completely hurt. She never found it. 

Finally the bell rang for the lunch hour.  Pearl sighed with relief. 

She stepped into the flooded hallway, crammed from wall to wall with loud smelly teens. Pearl shut her eyes. 

There was no way that she could stand to sit in the cafeteria today.  The library would work. After all, she still had to copy over all of the calculus notes that the girl in her class had leant her.

Pearl exhaled, and started towards the library. 

                                                                                                                                    -:-

The entire morning was boring, and Lapis found herself spending most of her classes just doodling in her notebooks. 

Forget taking notes. 

The teachers rambled on and on in a never-ending drone, till the bell finally rang for lunch.  Lapis stood from her desk, and went out into the hall. 

Everyone was pushing and shoving at one another, but with an easy scowl they parted like water for her. Because, no matter what anyone said, people were scared of her. 

Lapis knew that.  Why, she also knew.  But it didn’t matter.  Anyone who thought that way was an idiot. 

She walked through the halls, her heels clicking rhythmically against the floor. 

The cafeteria was worse.  Everyone was loud, and wild, and mean.  Lapis almost laughed.  And they thought she was mean. 

People should try looking in a mirror every so often. 

Quickly she got her food; the meal consisted of a very stale looking chicken sandwich and a carton of milk. 

Yay. 

She sat down in the back corner of the room, and began to nibble on the sandwich.  Yep, just as gross as it looked. 

She sighed, setting the sandwich down on her plate.  Now even more bored, she began to scan over the cafeteria for anyone she knew. 

For Pearl. 

She saw Amethyst sitting at a table with some of the other sporty-looking girls that everyone knew were gay.  They just preferred never to talk about it. 

Amethyst looked as though she were in the middle of telling some kind of wild story, one that included a lot of arm waving and shouting. 

Lapis caught her eye, and Amethyst grinned at her, winking.  Lapis smirked. 

Suddenly she remembered Peridot telling her something about not being there that day.  More mayor mother stuff.

So that’s where _she_ was.  So where was Pearl? 

She wasn’t with Amethyst, and she wasn’t in the cafeteria at all. 

Lapis bit her lip. 

Where was she? 

Suddenly she had a horrible thought.  With another glance around the cafeteria she realized that Jasper wasn’t in the lunch room either.

 _Oh no_. 

Terrifying images flashed before her eyes, of Pearl laying, bleeding somewhere, or worse.  She swallowed. 

No, she was not going to think like that. That train of thought was not useful in any way. 

She glanced down at her watch. She still had a good forty minutes before her next class started. It was really likely that Pearl was in the school somewhere. Probably it had nothing to do with Jasper at all. 

And this lunch was horrible.  Lapis shot a look of disgust down at it. 

Suddenly she made up her mind. Lapis stood, and briskly dumped the entire lunch into the nearest trash can.  She brushed her hands off briskly, and turned out of the lunch room.

                                                                                                                     -:- 

It took Lapis several tries before she found her. 

Her first try had been to go to the classroom where her last class was.  But that room had been empty. Then she had tried the locker room, since P.E. was Pearl’s next class after the lunch break. No luck. 

Finally, just when she was starting to panic a bit, she found Pearl sitting alone in the library, writing something down frantically. 

The sound of her pen scrawling against the paper was the only noise in the entire room.  

Lapis walked over to her, her shoes tapping loudly against the floor.  Pearl didn’t even slow, much less bother to look up.  Lapis frowned, and tapped her shoulder. 

Pearl let out a startled gasp, and dropped her pen.  It rolled all the way across the floor. 

She let out a tiny sigh. 

“Hi Lapis.” she spoke in a small voice. 

Lapis stepped briskly across the room and bent over to pick up the pen.  She handed it back to Pearl.  Pearl’s hands shook as she took the pen from Lapis. 

She frowned.  Slowly she walked around to the other side of the table, and pulled out a chair across from Pearl.  The chair legs screeched painfully against the floor as she pulled it out.  

Lapis sat down, dropping her bag with a thunk. Pearl stared at her for only a moment, before turning back to the piles of papers around her.  Seeing as it appeared that she wasn’t about to start a conversation, Lapis decided that she would have to be the one to speak.

“So, you weren’t at lunch today.” she said causally. 

Pearl’s eyes glanced up, but only for about half a second. 

“Wasn’t hungry.” she mumbled. 

Lapis frowned, crossing her arms.  “Okay.” 

Pearl kept writing at the same frantic pace, and Lapis bit her lip, pressing down a wave of frustration.

“What are you doing?” 

Pearl looked up.  “I-ah- calculus notes, I got a little bit behind in class, and I’m copying these from another girl.  She leant them to me.” she said in a messy rush. 

Lapis sighed. “Don’t hurt yourself there.”

Pearl grunted, not even looking up.  “That’s ridiculous.  I just have to finish this. I got behind. But I can fix it.”

There was a note of desperation in her voice, and Lapis felt a little bit terrified by it. 

“Pearl.” she said seriously.

Pearl frowned, setting down her pen with a thunk. 

“Yes Lapis.” her voice had an annoyed tint to it. 

“You’re doing that thing where you burn yourself to the ground Pearl.  You haven’t even stopped for lunch.”

Lapis’s brows furrowed.  “Are you hurting again? Is that why you’re not hungry?” 

“I'm just not hungry today, Lapis.  I am _fine_.” Pearl said icily. 

“Are you sure? Because you don’t look fine.” 

Pearl’s mouth pressed itself into a straight line. 

“And _how_ do I look exactly?”

Lapis frowned.  “Like you’re in pain, Pearl.” she said softly. 

Pearl was silent for a moment. 

“You don’t know a thing about what is going on inside my body _Lapis_.  And I _am_ tired. I’m tired of all of your constant hovering over me.  It’s driving me crazy!  And it’s not as if you like it when I ask you a bunch of nosy questions about _your_ life. It's so-so frustrating and unfair!  I wish you'd ever just leave me alone!” Pearl hissed. 

Lapis froze.  She felt as though she had just been slapped. 

“Sorry.” she said flatly. 

Pearl bit her lip.  Her entire body was sort of shaking. 

“I-I…” she stopped, her hands clenching. 

Quickly she grabbed all of the papers and books that she had scattered all over the table and shoved them into her bag.

Lapis watched her, completely still. 

Pearl turned, and walked out of the library, the doors slamming behind her.  Lapis stared after her. 

Slowly she began to cry.  

                                                                                                                           -:-

Lapis spent the whole afternoon in the library. 

Her thoughts swirled around her, and when that happened, she started to cry again.  And all over Pearl. 

She shouldn’t care about anything that Pearl said to her. It shouldn’t matter in the least. 

But her words, every time Lapis thought about them…they felt like a punch in the face.

She swallowed, carefully wiping at her eyes. This was ridiculous, and she had to stop.  Lapis glanced up at the clock that was ticking rhythmically up on the wall. 

It was almost time for her last class of the day. 

If she hurried, she could still make that one.  Lapis exhaled. 

English. 

If she went, she would have to see Pearl.  And she honestly thought that if she saw Pearl now, she’d start to cry again.  But if Pearl wanted her to leave her alone, then Lapis could do that.  She _would_ do that. 

And she still had to keep going to class, even if Pearl was there. 

Lapis nodded to herself.  She had to go on.  No matter how much she didn’t want to. 

She sighed. 

Slowly she gathered up her things, shoved them into her bag, and left the library.  

                                                                                                                                  -:-

Lapis walked into the English classroom and felt a flash of triumph.  Pearl’s seat was empty.  She had been the one who couldn’t face Lapis. 

She went to the back and took her seat.  The teacher stood from his desk, and clapped his hands together for quiet. The chatter of the students faded slightly, and he began to speak. 

“All right class, today we’ll be-“ He paused mid-sentence as someone quickly brushed by him. 

Lapis stared at her.

Pearl darted to the back of the class, taking her seat with a quiet, “Excuse me.”

Lapis glanced over at her, but Pearl was too busy digging through her bag to even look over at Lapis.  Lapis exhaled through her nose.

The teacher began to drone on about the art of the short story, and Lapis tuned out.  Her eyes kept darting over to the girl seated beside her. 

Pearl pulled out her pen and notebook to take notes with, her hands trembling the entire time.  She opened the notebook and began to write, but something was wrong.

Pearl was writing at about a third of the speed that she normally did, and the words were sloppy and crooked, nothing like her normal perfect handwriting. 

Lapis couldn’t be sure in the light, but it looked as though there were beads of sweat across Pearl’s forehead. 

Against her better judgement, Lapis’s worry came back.  Pearl continued on as though she didn’t see Lapis, and Lapis kept watching her from the corner of her eye. 

Ten minutes passed, then twenty. 

Pearl’s breaths got tighter and more labored by the moment.

Lapis stared at her, silent. 

All of a sudden Pearl broke.  Lapis could see it the moment that it happened. 

Her pen slipped from her hand, onto the floor.  Pearl ignored it, standing quickly.  “I'm sorry.” she mumbled quietly, before darting out of the room. 

The teacher stopped talking, just staring after her.  Everyone stared at the way she had left.  No one moved. 

Lapis felt a tiny flash of anger that no one was willing to go after her. 

After a minute she stood and followed Pearl, ignoring everyone’s eyes boring into her back. 

_Screw them._

Lapis stormed into the hall, shoes stomping against the floor.  The hallway was empty, and Lapis appreciated that there were less people who were going to see her and gossip about it.

She glanced down the hall, trying to decide where Pearl might have gone.  Suddenly she noticed the door to the girl’s restrooms still swaying slightly.  That was it. 

Lapis exhaled slowly, and went into the restroom. The restroom was empty, with all of the stalls open except for the one at the end. 

Slowly she walked to the end, and softly tapped on the door.  “Pearl? I-Is that you?” 

A shaky moan came from inside the stall. Then a faint, _“What.”_  

Lapis shifted, biting at her lip.  “Are you okay?” 

There was silence for almost ten seconds. Then she spoke. 

“No.” she said, her voice weak. 

Lapis crossed her arms.  Mostly to keep them from shaking. 

“Do you want me to-“ she stopped as a pair of girls came into the restroom, chatting about something or another.  Lapis turned to them, glaring. 

They suddenly noticed Lapis standing there.  Both of them sort of just froze, standing there unmoving, unsure of what to do. 

Idiots.

“Get out.” Lapis said with a dark scowl. They glanced between one another, and then quickly left.

Lapis sighed.  “Sorry.” she said quietly.  “Do you want me to get the nurse?” 

Another gasp came from the stall.  She made up her mind without an answer. 

“I’m getting the nurse, you just stay here and-“  Suddenly the stall door opened with a click. 

Lapis exhaled through her nose.  Pearl was hunched over on the floor in a ball, knees pressed against her chest.  Erratic breaths shook her thin body. 

Lapis instantly knelt to the floor. 

“Pearl- are you-what’s wrong?” she hated how afraid her voice sounded. 

“I-It hurts.  It hurts Lapis.” she said in a tiny voice, her eyes meeting Lapis’s. 

“What hurts?” Lapis asked softly.  

“My-ah-stomach.” Pearl said, before moaning again. 

Lapis’s hands were shaking.  “What can I do?”

Pearl moaned, shaking her head.  “I-I don’t know. Just-make it stop. P-please.” she whispered, her expression withered from pain. 

Lapis blinked away the tears at welled at her eyes. “I-I don’t know how.”

Pearl’s eyes met her own, and they were utterly defeated.  Suddenly Lapis wrapped her arms around Pearl’s small frame and pressed her against her torso.  Pearl let out a quiet groan before burying her face into Lapis’s chest. 

Pearl, who was normally so, so cold, now felt like a furnace.  Lapis held her closer. 

Pearl clung to her, and she could feel her nails digging into her skin.  She ignored it.

“I need to get the nurse.” Lapis whispered into her ear. 

At first Lapis thought that she may not have heard her, but then Pearl shook her head. 

“If I-I go, you can’t-“ she swallowed, wincing, “-you can’t stay with me.” 

Lapis shook her head, a sort of insane laugh bubbling at her throat. 

“Pearl- you need pain medicine, not me.  You need a doctor.”

Pearl let out a sob.  “I can’t-can’t do this…it hurts Lapis-so much…I can’t…” She clutched at Lapis's arm, letting out a sob into her shirt.

Lapis ran her fingers in circles around her back, trying to do anything that might help.  She breathed out slowly. 

“Pearl.  I’m going to get the nurse.  You have to stay here.  I’ll be right back. Do you understand?”  It took a moment, but Pearl nodded.  “O-okay.” she murmured. 

Lapis gave her shoulders a squeeze.  “Would it help if I propped your back against the wall?”  she asked. 

Pearl gave a faint nod.  “Worth a try.” she whispered, voice cracking.  Lapis tried to smile encouragingly, but it was probably pathetic. 

Carefully she wrapped her arms around Pearl’s shoulders and shifted her body so that it was pressed up against the bathroom wall.  Pearl let her head fall back against the wall, letting out another moan. 

Lapis’s stomach tightened.  She gave Pearl’s clammy hands another quick squeeze before she stood.

“I’ll be back.” she said, then turned and ran out of the restroom and down the hall.

                                                                                                                              -:- 

The next few hours were chaos. 

Lapis had gotten the nurse, and they had both gone back to the restroom after Lapis had explained what was happening.  The nurse had somehow gotten Pearl to swallow some pills, and they helped enough that Pearl was able to get back onto her feet and go to the nurse’s office. 

Her eyes were saggy and red, and her legs looked as though they could barely support her.  Lapis had wrapped an arm around her waist, and the nurse, despite a funny glance in their direction, seemed to choose to ignore it. 

She sat with Pearl in the nurse’s office while the nurse called Pearl’s mother. 

Pearl just sort of sagged onto Lapis’s shoulder, her eyes closing quickly.  The nurse glanced up, and seeing Lapis’s worried expression explained that one of the effects of the medicine was drowsiness.

Lapis had nodded vaguely, as though she understood, and her eyes had flitted back to Pearl.  Before she could decide against it, she laced her fingers through Pearl’s tightly. 

Pearl stirred ever so slightly in her drug-induced sleep, but she didn’t wake. 

After an eternity Pearl’s mother finally came into the office.  Lapis was ready to be mad at her, but when she saw the look on her face, she couldn’t. 

Her mother had gently shaken her awake, and Pearl blinked over and over, like waking up was impossible for her to do. 

Lapis hadn’t gotten a chance to do or say anything before Pearl’s mother led her out of the school, an arm around her daughter’s shoulders.  She was murmuring something to Pearl, and she nodded back dizzily at her mother. 

Lapis watched them leave, and something painful twisted in her gut.

                                                                                                                                -:-                

Lapis didn’t hear anything for the rest of that day.  She went to sleep, and all she could hear was Pearl’s moans of pain. 

She tossed and turned all night. 

The next day was a Saturday, and at 8:00 in the morning she called Pearl’s house.  She kept twisting the cord around her finger as the phone rang. 

 _Please, please, just answer._  

Finally, someone picked up the phone with a small click.  “Hello? Who is this?” 

Lapis cleared her throat.  “Um, it’s Lapis?  I just wanted to see if Pearl was okay.” 

Her mother sniffed.  “She’s doing much better.  Pearl slept well last night, and the medicines seem to be helping her.”

Lapis couldn’t stop the wide smile that grew across her face.  “That-that’s wonderful.  I’m so glad.” she said honestly. 

There was an awkward pause.  Lapis bit her lip.

“I-ah, do you think I might be able to come by? Just to see her?” she tried to keep her voice from becoming shrill. 

Her mother sniffed again.  “I don’t know-"

Another voice spoke, but it was too faint for Lapis to understand. 

Her mother cleared her throat. 

“All right.  But it must be a short visit. She needs to rest.” 

Lapis nodded, before remembering that she couldn’t see her face.  “Yes, of course.  Thank you.” she added quickly. 

Pearl’s mother made a hm of acknowledgement, then hung up. 

Lapis sighed, and hung the phone back up onto the receiver with a faint click.  Suddenly she smiled. 

Pearl was okay.  She was okay. 

Lapis wrapped her arms around herself and just smiled.  

                                                                                                                                       -:-

Pearl shifted in her sheets.  The morning sun was just starting to peak through the curtains, and it cast broken bits of light onto her bed.  It felt warm. 

She sighed, wrapping the sweater that was draped across her shoulders tighter against herself. 

This was better than yesterday.  Far better. 

The medicine that the nurse had given her had helped her stomach pain tremendously, and now it was almost entirely gone, except for a slight twinge in her abdomen every so often. 

Her parents had been very kind, letting her sleep, uninterrupted for hours and hours.  Everything was fine, except….

Pearl bit her lip. 

The words that she had yelled at Lapis the afternoon before echoed in her mind, over and over.  They were so hurtful, and the worst part was that Pearl hadn’t even meant them. 

She had been hurting so much, and they had just popped out before she had a chance to think.  All she could remember was the hurt, pained expression on Lapis’s face.  How crumpled she had looked.

Pearl shut her eyes. 

She wished that there was some way that she could just talk to Lapis, tell her that she hadn’t meant any of what she had said, but there wasn’t. 

Probably Lapis wouldn’t even want to talk to her again. 

Pearl rubbed at her eyes, willing herself not to cry.  Why couldn’t she have yelled at anyone else?  Why did she have to yell at the one person that she cared about the very most?

Pearl groaned.  She always found a way to ruin everything.

She turned over onto her side, burying her face into her pillow.  She lay there like that for a little while, her thoughts drifting by in a sad, dizzy haze. 

Sometime later, she wasn’t sure how long, there was a knock at her door. 

“Pearl, dear, someone’s here to see you.”

Pearl turned over, her eyes widening. Her stomach tightened.  “Oh-ah-all right?” 

The door opened, revealing her mother and a very familiar blue-haired girl. 

Pearl’s mouth fell a little bit. 

She just stared at Lapis, who grinned brightly at her. 

Her mother pursed her lips. 

“I suppose I’ll let you talk. If you start to get tired, Pearl, you tell Lapis to leave, all right?”  Pearl nodded, her eyes not leaving Lapis’s face. 

Her mother nodded, before she turned, and shut the door behind herself with a small click. 

There was a moment of silence, and they both just stared at one another. 

“How do you feel?” Lapis asked suddenly, breaking the silence. Pearl swallowed, the lump in her throat suddenly huge. 

“Much better.”

She tried to find the words to speak, to tell Lapis how sorry she was, but they wouldn’t come.  She just kept staring at Lapis stupidly, hands clutching at her blankets. 

Lapis smiled, her eyes glinting in the morning sun.  All of a sudden she moved, like a gust of wind, across the room to Pearl’s side. 

“I-Lapis-“ she began, but she found herself abruptly silenced as Lapis pressed her lips against hers.  She gasped softly, as Lapis cupped her cheek.

Pearl melted into her almost instantly, burying a hand in her soft hair.  After a moment Lapis pulled back, but not far.  Their noses could almost touch. 

She gasped breathlessly, her eyes wide. Lapis smirked widely.

“You-you aren’t mad at me?” Pearl asked softly.

Lapis laughed. The sound was beautiful.

“Of course I’m not.  I’m just glad you’re okay.” She pressed her lips against Pearl’s forehead.

Pearl bit her lip.  “Lapis- I am so sorry-I didn't mean what I said, I just- I -“ she stopped, burying her head in her hands.

Lapis leaned forward, and gently pulled her hands away.  Pearl looked up, and Lapis was staring at her with her dark, beautiful eyes that seemed to hold every emotion at once. 

She wished she could melt into her sheets. 

“Pearl.  It’s okay.  I know that you didn’t mean what you said.” she ran her thumb across Pearl’s cheek.  “I just wish that you had told me you were in so much pain.”

Her eyes glistened.  “Why didn’t you tell me?”

Pearl hung her head.  “I don’t know.  It-it’s just, I don’t want to be a quitter. I don’t want to be a person that just gives up all the time.” 

Lapis rolled her eyes.  “ _Pearl._   You are not a quitter.  You push, and push, till you end up on the ground.” She sighed heavily, before she shifted closer. 

“Hey-can I?” she gestured at her arm. 

Pearl nodded.  Carefully she wrapped her arm around Pearl’s shoulders, and Pearl leaned into her chest. 

“You are probably the strongest person I’ve ever met.  You don’t have to keep fighting Pearl. You can let yourself rest sometimes.” she said earnestly.

Pearl’s breath sort of choked in her throat. 

“Why-why are you like this?” she asked softly. 

Lapis’s eyes flickered with alarm. “What do you mean?”

Pearl shifted, sighing into her chest.  She was so warm.  Pearl let her fingers trail over Lapis’s bare arms. She had never noticed that Lapis had freckles on her arms. They blended in with her darker skin, and she could only see them when the sun was shining so brightly on her skin. 

“Your freckles are so pretty.”  Pearl said suddenly. 

Lapis blinked at the abrupt change of subject. 

“Um-thanks?”

Pearl nodded.  “You can’t ever really see them, but they’re so cute.  They’re all over your nose too.”

Slowly she reached a hand, up to Lapis’s cheek, tracing over her skin, almost hypnotized.  Lapis watched her with an amused expression.

“I think we’re getting a bit off topic.” she said, biting back a laugh. Pearl blinked.

“Oh, yes.”

Lapis giggled. 

“I just- I always wonder why you’re here. I don’t understand it.” Pearl said again.  

Lapis’s brow furrowed.  “I don’t- “

Pearl grabbed her hand, squeezing it tightly.  “I don’t know why you’re here.  I’m not fun. I’m not pretty, or sexy, or whatever. I’m not interesting, or cool. I don’t go to parties or do anything at all.  And I don’t know why you’re here.”  she finished breathlessly, her eyes boring into Lapis’s. 

Lapis stared at her, her expression shocked. 

Suddenly she rushed forward, and kissed her, hard. 

Pearl squealed a tiny bit in surprise, but it was pushed far down in her mind as Lapis continued to kiss her so deeply.  Pearl felt as though her mind was turning to mush, and she found that she didn’t mind.

All she could think of was the feeling of Lapis’s lips against hers. 

It was deeper, harder than their normal kisses, and Pearl almost wondered if Lapis was trying to tell her something.

Her arms wrapped around Pearl’s torso and Pearl’s thread around her neck.  There was not a question in Pearl’s mind, this was heaven.  All too soon Lapis pulled away, breathing hard. 

Pearl stared up at her, her eyes wide. 

“Do you understand? Please- I need you to understand.” Lapis said a little desperately. 

Pearl stared at her, a stupid little smile curling at the corners of her mouth.  “You’re dating me because you like to kiss me?” Pearl said, and even she had to admit, it sounded a bit stupid.

Lapis stared at her incredulously, and it took her a minute to realize that Pearl was joking. 

“Ugh…” she groaned, but Pearl knew she wasn’t mad.

Pearl giggled.  “I think that’s why I’m dating you too.”

Lapis smirked.

“Really.” 

Pearl nodded, smothering another giggle.  “Yep.” 

“Only reason.” 

“Only one I can think of.” Pearl said softly. 

All of a sudden they can’t take it anymore, and they both break down in breathless giggles.  When they managed to get their laughter under control, their eyes met.  They both got quiet again. 

Lapis’s hand found its way to her hair, brushing Pearl’s short bangs away from her forehead. 

“So…” Pearl said softly. 

Lapis smiled dryly. “So.” 

Pearl suddenly grinned.  “When are you going to kiss me again?” 

Lapis rolled her eyes. 

“Right now.”

And she kissed Pearl gently, and Pearl lost her train of thought completely. 

                                                                                                                                         -:-

They sat there and kissed for a long time, or maybe it was a short time, Lapis had no idea. 

She was filled with a feeling that made her feel as though she were about to overflow with joy.  And as hard as she tried, she couldn’t stop smiling. 

Pearl was okay, and they were okay.  She had her arm around Pearl, and she could feel the warmth of her skin, and she was okay. 

Pearl tucked her head into the curve of Lapis’s neck, and her hair was soft and sort of ticklish against Lapis’s skin.  Lapis smiled softly. 

Gently she tucked a small lock of hair behind Pearl’s ears, smiling down at her.  Pearl stared at her, her blue eyes glistening slightly. 

“I-I’m so glad you’re here.” she said softly. 

Lapis smiled.  “Where else would I be?” 

Pearl shrugged slightly.  “I was afraid-I thought that you’d hate me after what I said to you.” 

Lapis stared at her for a moment, before she squeezed her shoulder. 

“You could never make me hate you. Probably annoyed, or even mad, but I could never, ever hate you Pearl.” she answered softly.  That made Pearl smile. 

“Thank you.” she whispered quietly.  They didn’t say anything for a little while.  Then something occurred to Lapis. 

“Pearl, about you being- sick, I guess, like this, what’s going to happen? Like, are you supposed to do anything about it?” 

Pearl breathed out a sigh.  “I’m not sure. It’s not like a sickness, it’s more…chronic.  I’ve had stomach pain my whole life.  It’s been getting better in the past few years, but still…” she trailed off. 

Lapis’s eyebrows furrowed.  “Is there nothing you can do for it?” 

Pearl’s eyes fell to the covers.  “My parents are taking me to a doctor in New York.  He’s supposed to be an expert on these things…”

Lapis frowned.

“But you don’t agree.” 

“I don’t think-I don’t know.” Pearl said tiredly.  “I know that I’ve been to doctors for years now, and none of them have ever helped.” 

Her eyes were sad, and suddenly she looked very, very tired.  Lapis’s heart twisted. 

“Hey. It’s gonna be fine. You’re gonna be fine.”

Pearl looked at her wearily.  “Why do you think that?”

Lapis smirked.  “Because you’re an iron pole Pearl.  And I know that nothing’s going to ever bend you.” 

Pearl frowned.  “That…doesn’t actually make a lot of sense.”

Lapis rolled her eyes.  “It’s because you’re thinking about it too much.”  Pearl stared at her flatly. 

“All right.” 

Lapis laughed.  She glanced down at her watch.  Slowly she sighed.  Pearl glanced over at her. 

“What?” 

“I need to go, before your mother comes back and chases me out with a broom.” 

A small giggle escaped Pearl’s lips. “That’s true.” 

Lapis sighed with a smile, and slowly stood.  Pearl stared at her, her blue eyes big and pretty. 

She looked as though she wanted to say something for a moment, but then decided against it.  Lapis bent over and pressed a gentle kiss against her forehead. 

Pearl smiled slightly. 

“I won’t be at school for a few days, I don’t know when I’ll be able to see you again.”  she murmured sadly. 

Lapis bit her lip.  “ _Um_ …about that.” 

Pearl’s eyes widened.  “What?” 

Lapis smiled nervously.  “I meant to tell you, but then all this happened and I sort of forgot…” She rubbed her hands together.  Pearl stared at her. 

“Lapis.” 

 

“Your parents invited me over for dinner next Tuesday.” 

 

Pearl blinked. 

 

 

_“What?”_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> oh boy. 
> 
> this chapter got way too kissy way too fast. But I'm not sorry! ;)
> 
> I didn't realize this, but this is being posted on the one year anniversary of this story!! So that's pretty neat. I can't believe that I'm still writing this after all this time, lol :) and if you're still reading this fic a whole entire year later, then, just wow. You're really awesome, and thank you for sticking with me!! 
> 
>  
> 
> also, I loved reading all of your answers last chapter! you all sound like very cool humans ;)


	13. starlight

Pearl rushed into class with her arms full of books, completely out of breath. She had been up the entire night before, studying for her AP calculus exam.

Even now she wasn’t completely sure of how she would do, but it was better than nothing.

It didn’t help any of her stress that tonight was the night that Lapis would be coming over for dinner. With her parents.

Oh stars.

She was dead.

Unless of course the calculus exam killed her first.

She bit her lip and walked faster.

                                                                                                                                    -:-

  
The bell rang throughout the school, signaling the end of class. Pearl put down her pencil with a slight frown.

She followed the rest of the class and placed her test on the teacher’s desk before leaving the classroom. The rest of the class was happily chattering to one another about the test, but Pearl felt as though she might throw up.

It hadn’t been awful, but she tended to worry about these things far too much after there was nothing she could do about them. Like worrying about test grades after she had taken the test.

But it didn’t matter, because at least that was over now.

Pearl sighed to herself.

Tucking her sweater a little closer around her shoulders, she went over to her locker, heaving her heavy calculus textbook into it.

“That thing must weight like a hundred pounds.” A voice said from behind her. Pearl turned around, smiling weakly.  

“Hey.”

Lapis smiled at her, leaning against the locker beside hers. “What’s up with you?”

Pearl shrugged. “Nothing. Everything. I don’t know.”

Lapis arched an eyebrow.

“So it’s…nothing, or everything. Which one?”

Pearl groaned, burying her face in her hands. “Let’s say everything.”

A small frown appeared on Lapis’s face. “Can we talk about it?”

Pearl turned away to close her locker. And because she hated the way that Lapis was staring at her.

But Lapis was right. They had both promised to talk more to one another. Good communication.

Pearl sighed, grabbing her book bag. “I’ve got a free period now. We could go to the library if you want?”

Lapis looked up, and her face looked a bit relieved. She smiled. “I’ve got home ec. ‘Course I can.”

Pearl rolled her eyes.

                                                                                                                                    -:-

  
The library was empty, which gave them a bit more privacy. Even so, they took a table in the very back, behind several rows of bookshelves.

Lapis sat down with a thunk, wincing against the hard wooden chairs. Pearl hesitated for just a moment, then pulled out her own chair. Lapis stared at her expectantly.

Pearl shifted uncomfortably under her gaze. Without meaning to, her fingers began to drum against the tabletop nervously.

Gently Lapis reached over across the table and took her hand within her own. She squeezed it softly.

The feeling of Lapis’s warm touch helped calm her churning thoughts. Slowly she took a deep breath.

“-I’m so worried about tonight.” she blurted out.

Lapis’s expression changed to one of surprise. “Why?”

Pearl bit her lip. “I-I just really don’t want you and me to be together in front of my parents.” She sighed. “It’s fine. We’ll get through it somehow…” she trailed off.

Lapis let go of her hand and Pearl looked up, surprised. The blue haired girl hung her head towards the floor. Her blue bangs hid Lapis's expression from Pearl.

Pearl twisted her fingers together. Oh no. She had said something wrong.

“Lapis…what is it?”

Lapis didn’t answer for a moment. Finally she sighed, rubbing at her eyes. “It’s nothing. I’m just sorry that I’m not the prefect boyfriend that you can show off in front of your parents.” she said bitterly.

Pearl shut her eyes. “Lapis…you don’t understand.”

Lapis shook her head. “No, I do. And it’s all fine. Not a big deal.” But her tone said it was anything but.

Pearl’s mind was twisted up in knots. She had said the wrong thing, but she needed to fix it. Make Lapis understand what she meant. An idea came to her.

She stood from her chair and moved around the table to the side that Lapis was sitting on. Pearl pulled out the chair that was beside Lapis and sat down.

Lapis watched her with a guarded expression.

“You don’t understand.” she said again. Slowly she leaned forward. “You don’t know how much I want to parade you around. I want to run around screaming that you’re my girlfriend. I want to kiss you all the time.” she paused, taking a deep breath.

Lapis was still silent.

“Listen to me.” Her voice lowered. “I am never, ever ashamed of you. I am never embarrassed by my feelings for you. I am never, ever, ever sorry that I’m with you.” Gently she cupped Lapis’s cheek, rubbing her thumb across her skin. There were waves of emotion rushing over her, across her mind, and she didn’t know how to make Lapis understand.

“M-my parents. I need them. I need their help. I can’t do the things that I want to do with my life without them. I have to go to college. But I want you too.”

She bit her lip. “That makes me selfish. I know that. And this…this is so much to ask of you. It’s too much to ask of you.”

Lapis shook her head. “No, no it’s not-“

Pearl cut her off with a sad smile. “It is. I’m so sorry. Y-you just…” she trailed off, dropping her eyes to the floor.

Lapis covered the hand that was still on her cheek with her own hand.

“What?” she murmured softly.

Pearl let out a breathless laugh before she looked up again. “Sometimes…sometimes knowing that I’ve got you is the only thing that keeps me going. Knowing that I have you to talk to, that I have you to hug, it’s the only reason I keep going. Pushing.” she said in a voice like a whisper.

Lapis’s eyes were wide and glistening, the grip on her hand tightening.

“It kills me Lapis. This secret…it kills me. I don’t want this for you…I don’t want this for me. I just want…” her voice faded, eyes filling with tears. “I just want us to be together…without all of this. Without the fear.”

All of a sudden her voice cracked, and the tears spilled over. Lapis’s arms were around her in an instant, pressing her close.

Pearl sobbed into her shirt, the walls that were supporting the stress and fear and worry of the past weeks finally breaking down. Lapis held her tightly, whispering gentle words into her neck and pressing kisses in her hair.

“It’s okay. It’s all going to be okay. We’ll be okay.” she murmured over and over. Lapis's fingers brushed through her hair softly, and the feeling calmed Pearl.

Lapis’s chest was warm and strong. She was so strong, Pearl realized. So strong.

Slowly she sniffed, pulling herself up again. She rubbed at her eyes, which she was certain were red and puffy and looked terrible. Lapis wiped away a stray tear on her cheek with her thumb.

Her beautiful eyes stared down at Pearl with concern, the purple flecks shining in the dim light.

“I meant all of that.” Pearl said suddenly, her voice cracking a little bit. Lapis shook her head.

“It’s fine, I shouldn't have-“

She stopped, as Pearl smiled sadly.

“No. This is asking too much of you. I am asking far too much. It’s selfish, and it’s mean. I am a terrible girlfriend…Y-you deserve someone who you don’t have to be with like this. Lapis...maybe we should break up.”

There was silence for a long moment. An incredulous look passed over Lapis’s face. Pearl wrung her hands nervously. “I just-We shouldn’t-“

She stopped, as she found herself abruptly silenced.

Lapis kissed her, hard and bitting, hands framing her face. Pearl knew she had to pull away, she couldn’t keep kissing Lapis like this, but stars she wanted to. After a momentary hesitation, she sunk into the kiss.

She didn’t know how long they sat there, but finally, after an eternity Lapis pulled away. Pearl reluctantly opened her eyes.

Lapis grinned at her, smile shining and wide. “We’re not breaking up.” she said happily.

Pearl frowned in protest. “Lapis we have-“

“No. We don’t. And in case you haven’t noticed, I care far too much about you not to be with you. If you think that I make _you_ happy, you have no idea how happy being with you makes _me_.”

She paused, tugging gently on a small curl of Pearl’s hair. “Tonight I’m going to come over to your house and eat dinner. There will be delightfully dull conversation, and everything will go smoothly. Your parents will be enchanted by me.”

 

Pearl snorted.

 

Lapis smirked. “They will. And you aren’t going to worry about it anymore. You’re going to let it go.”

Pearl laughed at that. “You should know by now that letting things go is not a skill I possess.”

Lapis rolled her eyes. “Well, just try.”

Pearl sighed. “All right.”

Lapis shifted slightly. “And after this…we’re going to get some alone time. Just us. Okay?”

Pearl glanced at her. Just us. That had a wonderful sound to it. Slowly she nodded.

“Okay.”

Lapis beamed.

“Great.”

She pressed a quick kiss to Pearl’s lips, before she stood. “I've got to get to class. We good?”

Pearl smiled, and nodded. “Yeah.”

Lapis grinned back at her, before walking out of the library. The door closed behind her with a heavy sounding thunk. Pearl stared after her.

She still felt guilty, but there was also a new feeling flooding through her chest. A warm rush of happiness. She smiled to herself before she stood as well, going to her next class.

Maybe everything could, eventually, be okay.

                                                                                                                                  -:-

  
Lapis groaned silently in her head. This was not going to be okay at all.

How in the world was she supposed to get through this dinner? Pearl’s parents already didn’t like her. She couldn’t give them any more of a reason to not let Pearl be around her.

And Pearl, as much as Lapis adored her, wasn’t going to be the slightest bit of help. She was already tired and overworked as it was, she didn’t need to add anything else to her list of problems.

Lapis felt a knot twist inside her stomach. The way Pearl’s face crumbled in the library killed her. It made her feel absolutely terrible.

She had been being ugly, Lapis knew that. It just…sometimes hiding their relationship made Lapis feel…gross. As though they were doing something bad, or wrong.

They weren’t. Lapis knew that, could feel that.

But it didn’t change the little voice in her head that kept suggesting that Lapis was being a huge creep. She shook her head. It wasn’t like that. They weren’t a total secret. People had some idea that they were now friends.

It was just the whole…kissing thing that they didn’t share. That was okay, right?

Lapis bit her lip. It had to be. What she had with Pearl was special. _She_ was special.

Whenever Pearl was with her, Lapis felt as though there were this vibrant warmth blooming inside her chest. Pulsing with life. With feeling.

That feeling couldn’t be bad.

It just couldn’t.

Lapis’s expression hardened into a scowl, just to keep herself from crying. She charged down the hall, a person or two jumping out of her way.

Her hands were clenched so tightly it was a wonder that they weren’t bleeding. Slowly she took a deep, heavy breath.

What she and Pearl had wasn’t wrong. She would _not_ think that.

And she was capable of not offending Pearl’s tight-ass parents for one night. She could do that. Easy.

Lapis forced her face out of her scowl. She had a bunch of work to do.

                                                                                                                                    -:-

  
Pearl sat, bored through her entire history class, not even bothering to take notes.

The problem wasn’t that she didn’t care for history, it was that she had already read the entire textbook the month before and knew all of the material by heart.

It didn’t help anything that the teacher was a very old man who sounded a sentence away from falling asleep.

Glancing around, she saw that everyone else looked just as bored as she was. She sighed softly, and folded her fingers in her lap.

 

“-and so, the Reinasansse was a time of great rebirth, renewal, and change. The factors in this climate are largely attributed to….”

Pearl blinked tiredly. Rebirth, renewal, and change. That was what she needed. A rebirth.

Because this, this life, this way of living, wasn’t working. She was mentally, physically, exhausted. And she had no idea of how to fix it.

All she knew to do was keep pugging away at it, day after day, till something changed. But that felt rather hopeless.

She sighed, rubbing her eyes. This was not helping. She needed to focus on her work.

Carefully she made a mental list of everything that needed to be done that day. She had school for the next few hours, then after that she had a violin lesson, and then she had to finish a history paper, write up a lab report, and start writing the drafts for her literature term paper.

And by then it would be time for Lapis to come over.

Pearl swallowed. All she could imagine was her forgetting to pretend for just one moment and then accidentally kissing Lapis in front of her parents.

That would be a nightmare.

She just couldn’t act in front of people. Pearl couldn’t even properly lie to someone, much less put on a huge performance of pretending that Lapis was nothing more than a sort of close friend.

Not the girlfriend that she had…feelings for.

Pearl scratched at a tiny itch on the back of her leg.

As much as she didn’t want to admit it, she didn’t just have _feelings_ for Lapis. There was something…else there.

A chaotic churning feeling in the pit of her stomach when Lapis wrapped her arms around her in the way that she did. Rushes of dizziness when Lapis kissed her, as though she might pass out.

Her hands clenched.

There was no way that she should be thinking about this in her history class. She had to stop thinking of Lapis, and the way she held her close, kissing her like she was the only thing in the world.

Pearl swallowed, her throat painfully tight.

This was not helping.

What if she started thinking like this at dinner tonight? Her parents might see a ridiculous glance between them both, and it would be entirely her fault and they would find out and…

Pearl exhaled.

Slowly she told herself to stop. It would be fine. She could act like she didn’t want to kiss Lapis for one night. She could do that. Surely that couldn’t be too hard, right?

Her fingers wound around her pencil. Before her thoughts could get any more dismal, fortunately the bell rang for lunch.

                                                                                                                               -:-

  
After Pearl had finished nibbling at her sandwich there had been plenty of time left in the lunch hour, so she had decided to go to the school’s library again, remembering that she had forgotten to return a book there earlier.

As she walked through the hallways she noticed that they were remarkably empty. Everyone must have been in the cafeteria.

A sudden chill passed over her body, and she rubbed at her arms. The hall seemed darker than it had a moment before. A shadow of a tall figure suddenly loomed behind her.

Pearl’s breath caught in her throat. She whirled around when suddenly her eyes widened incredulously.

“Rose?” her voice sounded so small and afraid in the hallway.

The pink-haired woman smiled hesitantly at her. Curls tumbled across her shoulders, perfectly complimenting the thinly-strapped sundress printed in a floral design that she wore.

Her eyes were filled with something like nervousness, framed by thick, black lashes.

“Hello Pearl.” her voice was hesitant and soft.

“I-I ah…so. How are you?” Pearl asked, shifting uncomfortably.

Rose shrugged gently. “Fine, I suppose. How are you doing?”

Pearl stared at her, before letting out an uncomfortable laugh.

“Is this how it is now? We just flatly ask each other how we are, then walk away?” she said, a note of annoyance creeping into her voice.

Rose frowned. “I’m trying Pearl. I don’t know what else to do.”

Pearl crossed her arms. “I wish everything was different. I wish that we could still be friends like we used to be.”

“Then why don’t we just try?” Rose said softly.

Pearl bit her lip. They could try. But it was different now. Because Lapis was there now.

And whatever she had with Lapis, it was more important.

Pearl blinked. That had never occurred to her before.

But it was true. What she had with Lapis was special. What she and Rose had…it made her want to cry. It made her hate herself.

Maybe they could be friends again. But now wasn’t the time.

So she took a deep breath and told Rose so.

Her expression was carefully controlled, but Pearl knew her too well and could tell that she was disappointed. But she did nothing.

She didn’t ask Pearl again, or even frown. She just nodded, smiled, and turned down the hallway. Pearl watched her go, and felt her heart crumple a little bit inside her chest.

But then she remembered Lapis.

Her smile.

And she felt the tiniest bit better.

                                                                                                                              -:-

  
The rest of that day passed by quickly, _too_ quickly for Pearl.

She didn’t see Lapis at all until English, and then they barely got a chance to talk. She tried to catch Lapis after the bell rang, but Lapis didn’t seem to be interested in talking.

She just quickly pecked a kiss against her lips (behind a tree when they were sure no one was looking) and took off. Pearl wanted to talk with her more, but she had her own massive pile of things to do before the dinner, and simply didn’t have the time.

So she pressed down her growing nerves, and headed home.

Her violin lesson went absolutely horribly, and by the end of it her teacher was almost in tears over how many wrong notes she had managed to play in one single piece.

Pearl had just smiled weakly.

Then, after that, she had raced home to get as much homework she could done before... the dinner.

Pearl realized that she was starting to separate her life into before the dinner, and whatever after the dinner was.

Probably her house exploded and her relationship over.

Pearl scowled and walked faster.

When she got home, her mother was busily working in the kitchen.

Pearl waved to her tiredly. “Hi Mother.”

Her mother glanced up from what looked like a pie. “Hello dear.”

Pearl started to her room, when her mother spoke.

“Pearl?”

“Yes, Mother?”

“You’re… _ah_ …friend. Is she still coming tonight?”

Pearl bit her lip and nodded.

“Yes.”

Her mother nodded thoughtfully. “Hm. I just hope your father can stop himself from saying something rude. I’ll have to remind him.”

Pearl stared at her. “What do you- She’s just a friend-“

Her mother looked at her reproachfully. “Pearl, darling. Her _mother_ is the important one here. She is your father’s boss. And her daughter is a wonderful way to get in with their group.”

Pearl frowned. “Lapis is my friend.”

Her mother smiled. “Of course she is, sweetheart. But she’s still very useful. Does she have a brother?”

Pearl mouth tightened. “ _No_. She doesn’t.” she said quietly.

Her mother shrugged. “Oh well. Still keep an eye out. Maybe she has a rich cousin. Oh, or better yet, a rich friend. You must get with a good boy, Pearl. Someone who will take good care of you. And in this world, that means money.”

She looked at Pearl seriously. Her eyes looked wide and slightly desperate.

As much as Pearl wanted to be angry with her, she couldn’t bring herself to be.

“I know, Momma. I won’t let you down.”

Her mother smiled at that, wide and happy. Pearl returned it weakly, before quickly leaving the kitchen.

Her mother wanted her to date a rich boy.

She wondered what she would say if she knew that was dating an extremely rich girl.

Pearl suddenly giggled. The entire situation was so stupid it was almost funny.

But something else was a little strange.

If her mother was so important and rich, one would never know it, looking at Lapis. She certainly didn’t look poor, but rich wouldn’t be a guess most would make.

Her clothes were relatively normal, and her jewelry looked like it may have come from the thrift store.

It worked for her. Lapis radiated cool like a furnace, but she didn’t seem rich.

Pearl might not have even believed it if she hadn’t seen Lapis’s huge house. She was just so…not showoffy about it.

Pearl smiled to herself. That was just another reason that she was so wonderful. One more to add to the growing list.

She went into her room and sat down at her desk. She sighed, beginning to work.

                                                                                                                             -:-

  
Finally she dropped her pencil, exhaling slowly with relief. She was finally finished.

Tiredly she rubbed at her now aching hand. Glancing outside her bedroom window, she saw the light was starting to fade away.

Time to get ready for dinner. Quickly she changed into a fresh dress, a short-sleeved one with a bit of lace on the edges. It wasn’t too dressy, but she knew it looked very nice on her.

Then she brushed at her hair, fluffing it a tiny bit and straightening her bangs carefully. She powdered makeup across her face, then neatly lined her eyes.

Pearl dabbed on a tiny bit of light pink lipgloss, pressing her lips together to rub the gloss across them. She studied herself in the mirror.

She looked very nice, she thought. Suddenly she felt a twinge of sadness.

She wanted this night to be different.

Pearl wanted her mother to be inviting Lapis over as her girlfriend, not just as a way to kiss up to her rich mother.

She wanted to run downstairs and kiss Lapis as soon as she came to the door. She wanted her mother to be proud that she had such an amazing, wonderful girlfriend.

But instead, it was simply more lies. More tricks.

Sometimes it felt as though Lapis was the only person who knew who she really was. Or, as though Lapis was the only one who cared. Cared about who Pearl really was. What she actually wanted.

Pearl sighed, carefully smoothing down her hair once more. Time to get this nightmare over with.

She slipped on a pair of ballet flats and went downstairs.

Both her mother and grandmother were in the kitchen, talking in annoyed whispers to one another. They instantly fell silent when Pearl walked in.

Pearl resisted the urge to roll her eyes, because _that_ would’ve been rude.

Almost as rude as not even bothering to disguise the fact that you had just been talking about someone behind their back. She forced a smile in both of their directions.

“How is dinner going Mother?” she asked lightly.

Her mother smiled, stirring at a pot of something on the stove. “It should be ready soon. Do you know when your…friend is getting here?”

Pearl glanced up at the clock on the wall. It read five till seven, the seconds ever so slowly ticking by. Suddenly she hoped that maybe Lapis had just decided to flake out.

She bit her lip. “I don’t know.” she answered honestly.

Her mother pursed her lips, but said nothing. Her grandmother, who had been silent up until this point, spoke.

“Isn’t this just wonderful to have your friend over like this? I can’t wait to talk to her.” she said brightly. Pearl glanced over at her carefully.

“I suppose.” she said cooly. A tiny bit of irritation began to grow in her.

After all, she had been the one to come up with this, according to Lapis. This was, in a sense, her fault.

Pearl stared at her from the corner of her eye.

The real question though, was why she had done this. The reasons that she could possibly have, Pearl had not a clue. Maybe she had some sort of scheme to expose them to her parents.

But if that had been her intention, she already had had several opportunities to do just that, and they had been far more convenient. It couldn’t be that.

At least, Pearl desperately hoped not. Her hands began to sweat.

Quickly she rubbed them dry against her skirts.

She was about to say something else, when the back door opened, and her father came in with a massive scowl on his face. His arms were loaded with his briefcase, a stack of papers, and his overcoat.

Pearl could tell from one look that he was not in one of his better moods.

Her mother arched an eyebrow. “You’re not dressing like that for company.”

He scowled at his wife. “Excuse me? We’re not having company.”

Her mother pursed her lips together tightly, and Pearl knew that they were about to argue.

“Yes, we are. And you are _not_ presenting yourself like that.” Her father grunted. “I don’t give a damn how your bridge club friends see me _presented_.”

Pearl’s mother gave him a hard glare. “Well, you’re in luck, because it’s _not_ one of my friends.”

Suddenly the doorbell rang, cutting through the growing fight. Pearl smiled tightly.

“I’ll get it.”

And quickly she darted out of the kitchen.

She could hear the angry whispers of her mother behind her as she left the room, but she chose to ignore them. Her hands were clammy as she reached for the door knob.

Pearl gathered her nerves and opened the door.

When she opened the door her mouth fell open a little bit.

It was Lapis, but it wasn’t.

Instead of her normal, skin-tight black jeans, she wore a fitted dark blue dress that tucked at her waist and brushed just above her knees. It was cut with a square angular neckline, showing off her slim neck and collar bones.  A small silver pendant hung from a slender chain around her neck.

Her hair was still its vibrant shade of blue, but she had curled the short bob into neat curls, framing her face beautifully.

She had done her makeup in a much softer style, with thinner lined eyes, lighter eyeshadow and a gentle pink lipstick.

Her eyes were bright, twinkling with the mischievous glint that only Lapis had.

Pearl swallowed, suddenly realizing that she was staring.

“Hi.” Lapis said in a low voice.

Pearl blinked, her cheeks warming in an instant. “I-I didn’t know you wore dresses.” Pearl said, before realizing that was an utterly stupid thing to say.

Lapis smirked, seeming to be entertained by the whole thing. “Only for you.” she said softly, her eyes trailing over Pearl in a way that made her feel so hot in her own skin.

“I-ah, it looks nice on you.” she stumbled.

Lapis grinned, leaning closer to her. Her lips ghosted over Pearl’s ear.

“I think you look hot too.” she said, voice barely a whisper.

Pearl couldn’t stop the shiver that ran through her body.

 

“Lapis! I remember you.” her grandmother said loudly, entering the front room.

 

Pearl jumped almost half a foot, but Lapis had already darted away, back to leaving an appropriate distance between them. Lapis turned to her grandmother, a polite smile on her face.

“Really? Oh, yes, I remember now, we did. Thank you for having me over like this.” Lapis said evenly.

Pearl just kept staring at her. This was weird. Lapis never acted with such social grace. She was short and blunt, and Pearl appreciated it, but she didn’t… _converse_. Pearl’s fingers knotted together.

She tried to smile.

                                                                                                                                -:-

  
The night continued on from there.

After a few more minutes of awkward chatter between Lapis and her grandmother, both her parents came out from the kitchen. Her father, Pearl noticed, was wearing a new shirt and a slightly less annoyed expression.

Slightly.

Her mother must have won that argument.

They both greeted Lapis, and she smiled back, wide and charming. Pearl’s fingers clenched against one another.

They sat down at the table, Pearl somehow ending up sitting beside Lapis. Pearl didn’t dare glance over at her, keeping her eyes focused determinedly on her food.

Her mother had made some kind of seasoned boiled potatoes, oven baked chicken, and green beans. It was all…fine.

All of this stress had the effect of taking away her appetite. Sighing internally, she began to poke halfheartedly at her plate of food.

Across the table, her father grunted, a sign that he was about to say something. “So. You’re Pearl’s friend.”

Lapis looked up, blinking prettily. “Yes, I am.” she said with a quiet smile.

Pearl’s grip on her fork tightened.

Her father grunted again. “Didn’t know she had any friends.” he muttered into his food.

Everyone at the table heard, and no one was sure what to say. Pearl stared hard down at her plate.

There was silence for a moment or two, then her grandmother broke it by saying: “So, Lapis, I'm interested, what year of highschool are you in?”

Lapis smiled. “I’m finishing my Sophomore year this spring.”

Her grandmother beamed. “Oh, so you must be the same age as Pearl!”

Lapis nodded. “Yes, I’m sixteen.”

Pearl’s mother’s eyes darted to Lapis, as she delicately swallowed a small bite of food. “Do you have any plans for when you finish with high school?” she asked in a careful tone.

Pearl wished that she could melt into the floor. But Lapis seemed unfazed by the entire situation.

“Oh, I’ll be going to college somewhere.”

 _Oh_ , that was the wrong answer.

Pearl’s mother pursed her lips.

“College takes _such_ a very long time though. Wouldn’t you rather be starting your family by then?”

Lapis’s eyes flickered with a light that was all together not polite. A dark sort of smile began to twist over her face.

Pearl slouched lower in her chair.

“I’ve got my entire life for doing that. And besides, college has never been a question for me. My mother would never let me stop my education as early as high school.” she said airily.

Her mother had a icy look on her face. “I assume your mother has been to college?” she asked cooly.

Something suspiciously like a smirk twisted at Lapis's mouth. “Yes. Harvard.”

Pearl wanted to die at this point.

Pearl’s mother pursed her lips harder and stared back at her food.

 

“Well, she must be very smart.” Pearl’s grandmother said to no one in particular.

 

Lapis smiled like a shark. “Oh, she is.” she said, taking a calm sip of her water.

Pearl’s father snorted from across the table. “Women don’t need to go to college.” he said in a low voice.

Lapis arched an eyebrow.

Pearl’s mother bit her lip. “What he means to say,” she said quickly, “-is that… _path_ might be all right for some girls, it certainly won’t do for our Pearl.” she spoke, looking to Pearl.

Pearl could feel everyone’s eyes on her, but she couldn’t bring herself to raise her head.

“She’s certainly not going to waste her time on that, are you dear?”

Pearl swallowed, her mouth feeling like lead.

“No Mother.” she mumbled.

She felt Lapis’s eyes staring into her, but she couldn’t look at them. Her mother smiled neatly, as though all the problems were gone, breezily moving to another topic.

“I’m sure you’re aware of all the boys that like her.” Pearl’s mother said to Lapis with something like a grin. “But Pearl is just waiting for the right one. You can’t waste yourself on the wrong boy.” She shook her head to herself.

Lapis didn’t answer, but remained silent. Pearl bit down on her cheek to keep tears from escaping.

Suddenly she felt a gentle squeeze on her thigh.

Lapis’s hand had slipped down from the table to her leg. Her eyes were careful to keep looking away from Pearl.

Pearl exhaled slowly.

                                                                                                                               -:-

  
Lapis ate the food that Pearl’s mother made, but her feeling of disgust was only growing. These people…they were horrible.

Careful for no one to see, she glanced over at Pearl once more. She was staring down at her lap, eyes focused on nothing.

It made Lapis feel ill, seeing her just crumple at her parent's words like that.

And although Lapis was very much out of the loop, she could tell that the college thing had surprised Pearl. The way her face had fallen, it hadn’t been the answer that she wanted to hear.

It made Lapis’s heart ache, and it made her feel angry at her parents for acting that way, and it made her feel guilty for bringing it up at all.

She rubbed her thumb against the cool skin of Pearl's leg. It made her so mad that this was all the comfort she could give her girlfriend.

She wanted to wrap her arms tightly around her and kiss her till she smiled again. She wanted to take her somewhere far away from this awful house. Somewhere that they could do nothing except be together.

But that wasn’t an option.

So she just sat there and chewed her food and tried to swallow down her fury.

                                                                                                                               -:-

  
After they had finished eating and helped clear the dishes from the table, Lapis turned to Pearl, who was still quiet and not looking at Lapis.

“Hey, would you want to step outside on the porch for a little while? I could use some fresh air.” she said to her brightly.

Pearl glanced up from where she was rinsing a plate, her eyes wide. Lapis tried to smile at her.

Pearl glanced over towards her mother. “May I, Mother?”

Her mother nodded absently. “Yes. Just make sure to wear your sweater, I don’t want you catching a chill.” Pearl nodded quickly.

“Yes, of course.”

Lapis smiled, gesturing for her to follow her. Hesitantly, she did.

They headed through the dinning room, where Pearl’s grandmother and father seemed to be having some kind of conversation that immediately stopped when they came into the room.

There was a moment of silence.

Then Lapis gestured to the door. “We were going to sit outside for a little while.”

Pearl’s father grunted, and opened the newspaper beside him with an angry whack. The grandmother smiled a bit tiredly, and nodded. “Of course.”

Eager to get out of that house, Lapis opened the door, and slipped outside. From the soft footfalls behind her, she knew that Pearl was just a step behind her.

Outside darkness had fallen, and the only light shone through the glass of the lamp that hung from Pearl’s front door.

A few of the neighbors still had their windows open, despite the late hour, and they glowed through the darkness.

They both went, without speaking, to sit on the porch swing that hung on the far corner of the porch. There was no light, and Lapis could barely make out the outline of Pearl’s face.

Still though, Lapis could feel their shoulders and hips and knees pressed into one another. She could feel every rise and fall of Pearl’s breaths.

Absently Pearl began to push the swing along with her feet, rocking them gently. Crickets chirped somewhere far away.

“Pearl…are you okay?” Lapis asked softly, her voice barely more than a whisper.

Pearl took so long to answer that Lapis was starting to think she wasn’t going to.

“…no.” she murmured quietly. Lapis felt her shift beside her, yet she still couldn’t see her.

Lapis fumbled around for a minute before she found Pearl’s hand. Carefully she laced their fingers together.

“I’m sorry Pearl. I’m sorry for this entire night.” she said, leaning into her. She felt Pearl’s hair brush her cheek as she shook her head.

“It’s not your fault. Don’t be sorry.”

Lapis bit her lip. It was her fault. Even if it was solely because she didn’t know how to save Pearl. Didn’t know how to protect her from all this pain.

Slowly she raised her hand to the outline of Pearl’s jaw, running her hand over her cheek, touch feather-light. Pearl appeared to be perfectly still, but Lapis could feel her trembling under her touch.

“…did you know?” she finally asked, her voice nothing but a whisper.

Pearl slowly shook her head. “No. I- they’ve never said explicitly that they wouldn’t…I guess that I just thought…” she trailed off. “I don’t know what I thought.” Her voice was flat, empty. Defeated.

The sound of it made Lapis’s stomach feel weak. She clutched at Pearl’s hand a little desperately. “It’s going to be okay Pearl. I promise. I promise you’re going to college.” she said, voice cracking with emotion.

Pearl said nothing to that. Lapis couldn't blame her, she didn’t know what to say herself.

Slowly she leaned forward towards Pearl, kissing her slowly, carefully. Her hands cradled Pearl’s jaw ever so gently.

Pearl kissed her in return, her hand pressed into the small of Lapis’s back. Lapis tried to pour all the feelings, all the emotions that she didn’t know how to communicate, into it.

That she was sorry she kept messing up like this. Kept hurting Pearl.

That they had gone to all this trouble and it hadn’t made anything better at all. The entire evening had only made things worse.

But Lapis didn't care what Pearl’s parents thought of her; all she cared about now was that Pearl’s dreams had just been crushed, and Lapis had no idea how to fix it.

College was Pearl’s dream; it was her goal, the reason that she worked so freakishly hard in school. And if anyone deserved to go, Lapis knew it was Pearl. She wasn’t just smart either; she had a sort of brilliance about her that Lapis knew only she had.

Pearl had a genuine love of learning. And though she wasn't showing it, Lapis knew she had to be devastated.

She pressed one last gentle kiss against her lips, then pulled away. Pearl sighed almost silently.

“It’s going to be okay.” she said softly. Pearl’s eyes glowed strangely in the moonlight.

“You don’t know that.”

“I do. Because I’m going to help you.”

Pearl was silent for a long time. “Why?” she asked finally. Lapis swallowed, her throat aching.

“Because…I lo-“ she stopped, footfalls just outside the door.

Like lighting they moved apart, scooting on the swing’s seat. Just in time, because then the porch’s light flicked on, casting them into bright light.

Pearl’s mother poked her head outside the door. Her expression was confused. “Why on Earth are you two sitting out here in the dark?”

Pearl’s eyes were wide, but she answered, quicker than Lapis would’ve thought.

“We’re just watching for fireflies.” she said with a small smile.

Pearl’s mother frowned. “I don’t think there are fireflies out till the summer, dear.”

Pearl laughed half-heartedly. “That must have been why we haven’t seen any.”

Her mother nodded, still looking at them strangely. Lapis decided that it was time for her to leave.

She stood, smiling towards Pearl’s mother. “Dinner was very nice; thank you for inviting me over. I had a fun time.” she said with a nice smile. Best not to make things worse. Her mother smiled, and it almost seemed real for once.

“Thank you for coming.”

Lapis nodded, lacing her hands together. Pearl was still sitting on the bench, staring out into the darkness. Her eyes were far away.

Lapis swallowed.

“Ah, I also wanted to ask you something.”

Pearl’s mother blinked, a flicker of surprise in her eyes. “Oh?”

“Yes. I wanted to ask if Pearl might be able to come over to my house this Friday night? T-to have a little sleepover sort of thing?”

She bit her lip. That sounded innocent enough, right? Two girls could have sleepovers together. That was okay.

But once the words were out of her mouth she almost couldn’t believe she had asked them. Pearl’s eyes were boring into her back, and Lapis knew that she had heard.

Lapis didn’t dare turn to see her expression.

Pearl’s mother thought for a moment. “I-ah-I don’t see why not. As long as you stay inside.”

Lapis nodded instantly. “Oh, yes, of course. I was thinking that we’d just watch a movie or something.”

Or something.

Pearl’s mother nodded. “All right.”

Lapis couldn’t help but grin. “Great.” She turned around to Pearl. “I gotta be going. I’ll see you tomorrow?” She let it hang as a question.

Pearl was still for a moment, just staring at her with the biggest watery eyes. But then the moment broke, and she nodded.

“See you tomorrow.”

Lapis smiled. With that she turned, waving behind her before walking into the warm spring night.

                                                                                                                                           -:-

  
Pearl watched Lapis walk off.

A pain was swelling in her chest and it wasn’t the normal feeling of a blossoming stomach ache. It wasn’t the feeling of a nauseous type of stress either.

It was the fact that Lapis was walking away, and somehow she had the awful feeling that it would be the last time she’d see her.

She wanted to run after her, hug her, press her close and beg her to never leave her side again. Pearl resisted the urge to sigh.

That was probably just her, being disgustingly clingy. But she couldn’t help herself.

The waves of whatever feeling it was when Lapis touched her, were so powerful Pearl thought she might drown in them. Or maybe she already had.

Her mother sat down beside her on the swing, sharply jolting her out of her thoughts.

“Lapis seems to think that you’re her friend.” her mother said out of nowhere.

Pearl didn’t answer. What did she have to say to that?

Her mother continued without answer. “I will admit, I thought that she would be ruder than that. She was actually…polite.”

Pearl folded her hands. Words ached in her mouth that she didn’t dare say aloud.

 _You know nothing about her. She is the most wonderful, kind human being, and you do not have the right to judge her_.

But Pearl stayed silent.

Her mother glanced over at her. “Is she your friend?”

Pearl looked over at her. “…yes.”

Her mother nodded, lacing her fingers neatly in her lap.

 

“I had a best friend once.” her mother said suddenly.

Pearl glanced over at her curiously. Her mother bit her lip. “Yes. When I was about your age. We did everything together.”

Pearl looked at her. “Who was it?” she asked, curious. Her mother had never mentioned this before.

“No one you’d know. She moved away years ago. She…wanted to live in the city. I stayed here.” There was a note of regret in her voice. “I haven’t spoken to her since.”

Pearl stared at her, then looked back down at her hands. “I’m sorry.” she said softly.

Her mother shook her head. “It was a very long time ago. I just wish…I don’t remember her name.”

Pearl sighed softly. “Momma…how do you be happy?”

Her mother glanced over at her, eyes surprised. “Are you not happy?”

Pearl shook her head. “Not very much.” she said softly.

Her mother sighed. “I’m not sure.” she said finally. “You just…keep going. Keep living your life, and some day, you’ll figure it out.”

Pearl looked at her, and their eyes met. And for a moment, Pearl saw that they were similar. They had the same eyes.

Neither of them said much for a while after that. They just sat there, Pearl pushing the swing along with her feet, making it sway gently. Pearl breathed out slowly.

 

“…Are you happy?” she asked softly.

 

Her mother was silent for a very long time.

“Why don’t you go on to bed now. It’s getting late.”

Pearl nodded, and quietly stood. She hesitated at the door, another question on her lips. But she didn't ask it. She just went inside.

                                                                                                                            -:-

  
Once she got to her room she immediately stripped off her dress, the fabric suddenly feeling unbearable against her skin.

The spring night air felt fresh and cool against her newly bare skin. Just in her underwear now, she went to the window and slid it closed.

Pearl turned, eyes running over her empty room. She sighed. It was nice to be alone. But now she desperately wished she had company.

She wished she had Lapis.

Her pale fingers drummed rhythmically against her thigh.

Her mind floated to Lapis. Her smile. Her laugh. The way her kisses pounded against Pearl’s brain. If Lapis were here, she’d kiss her.

Her hands, always so soft and warm, and so, so gentle would wrap around her waist, pressing into her skin. Moving against her back. Their torsos would press together, skin against skin.

Lapis’s hands would wind into her hair, tugging on it gently. All the while, her lips would be pressed searingly to hers, kissing her wonderfully.

Pearl bit her lip. There were chills all over her skin. She gripped her shoulders tightly, and if she hadn’t, she thought that her hands would probably be shaking. Pearl bit back a small groan.

This wasn’t…normal. She shouldn’t be…yearning for Lapis.

She liked Lapis. She liked her a lot. But people didn’t feel this way. Didn’t feel as though they might die if…

Pearl pressed her hands to her forehead, pushing her bangs upward. There was a sick feeling in her stomach, but it wasn’t pain, it was something else. Pearl bit her lip, trying to push down the waves of frustration that were rushing over her.

Tears bubbled at her eyes. Furiously she rubbed them away, but more appeared. Before she realized what was happening, she was sobbing into her hands, crouched on the floor of her bathroom.

The tile was cold, and it pressed lines into her skin. Why was this happening? She was crazy. Insane. Loosing her mind. But she still felt sane.

She just wanted Lapis.

Desperately wanted her. Wanted her kisses.

Wanted her touch.

Pearl gasped, taking several quick breaths. She had to stop.

Slowly she managed to calm herself, catching her breath and wiping away her tears. Lapis was not here, and wishing for her was not going to help a thing. Pearl exhaled shakily, before she stood.

The bathroom was silent, except for the clock that ticked quietly in the corner. Her bare feet were cold against the tiled floor. Slowly she went and turned on the shower head.

As soon as the water was warm, she slipped off her bra and underwear and got in the shower. The water was calming against her skin, and the feeling of the terrible day’s sweat and dirt and grim being washed from her skin relaxed her.

She took extra care to clean her hair, rubbing it with shampoo several times before it finally felt clean enough.

Carefully she got out of the shower, drying her body off quickly with her towel. After she had also dried her hair a little bit, she put on her pajamas and sat down in the big gray chair in the corner of her room.

She opened her book, a novel that she had just begun a few nights before, and tried to read. But her mind kept floating back to Lapis.

To her parents.

To the fact that she now knew she wasn’t going to have any money from her parents for college.

Or that her grandmother would finally be leaving the next morning and she still wasn’t sure how she was supposed to feel about the woman.

She tucked a lock of damp hair behind one ear, shifting slightly so she could curl her legs up under herself.

Mostly though, she thought of Lapis.

Suddenly there was a soft knock on her door.

Pearl bit her lip, grip tightening on her book. “Yes?” she said quietly.

The door cracked open, and her grandmother poked her greyed head into her bedroom. Her green eyes were wide and cautious, but she was still smiling brightly.

“Hello dear. Do you mind if I come in?”

Pearl shrugged, too tired to refuse. She smiled and opened the door wider, slipping in before closing it behind herself. Her manner was calm, but her hands were rubbing nervously together.

“May I?” she asked, gesturing to Pearl’s desk chair.

Pearl nodded.

She briskly pulled out the desk chair and sat down, folding her hands in her lap. Her eyes were piercing, harshly focused on Pearl.

Pearl didn’t flinch or look away however; she just carefully slipped a book marker between the pages of her book before she closed it, placing it to the side. “Is there something you wanted to tell me?” Pearl asked tiredly, since her grandmother was still remaining silent.

“Did you enjoy dinner?”

Pearl stared at her flatly. “Did I enjoy you putting my girlfriend and me on the spot?” she asked with a sharpness in her words. The word _girlfriend_ felt sort of lumpy in her mouth, but it was also a bit of a relief just to say it for once.

Her grandmother winced.

“It wasn’t my intention to put you both on the spot, I just-“

“Just what? You wanted my parents to like Lapis even less?” Pearl said bitterly.

Her grandmother rubbed at her eyes. “No. I never meant it that way. I was hoping that your parents would’ve liked Lapis more, afterwards. After they talked with her, got to know her a bit better.”

Pearl stared at her for a long moment, before she let out a dry laugh.

“My parents aren’t going to like Lapis. They aren’t going to like anyone who doesn’t fit into their little premade box. The best thing that I can do is just keep Lapis away. Away from here, and away from them.”

Her face fell a little bit at her own words. It hurt, saying them. That no matter how much she wanted it, their relationship would never make her parents happy.

Lapis and her would always be a bad thing in their eyes.

Their must have been some telling expression on her face, because her grandmother reached over and squeezed her shoulder. Pearl sighed.

“It doesn’t really matter all that much anyway. It’s not like we’re ever going to be anything. We don’t have any kind of future.” she said, staring down at the rug.

Her grandmother leaned back, frowning. “Now. Why would you say that?”

Pearl stared at her incredulously. “My parents would react horribly. I can’t imagine what they’d do. And it’s not like…we could ever get married. We couldn’t have children. There’s nothing…nothing there.”

Tears prickled at her eyes.

Her grandmother rolled her eyes.

“Sweetpea, all of that stuff is stupid.”

Pearl glanced up.

“Sweetie, you’re not going to live with your parents for the rest of your life. Marriage is nothing more than a piece of paper. It doesn’t make love, or a happy relationship, and it never has. Just look at all the people who get divorced. And if you want children, there are things to do. You could always adopt. There’s always options, and there is always a future if you want one.” she said all this in a clear, strong voice, and it sort of flowed into Pearl.

It made a tiny seed of hope begin to grow again.

“W-what do I do now though? I’m still stuck here. With them. And I-I want to go to college.”

Her grandmother frowned. “You heard them.They’re not paying. If you want college, then you’re going to have to do it yourself.” she nodded downstairs. “And as far as you and your girlfriend are concerned, well, that’s a bit harder. If you really want to know, I think you shouldn’t tell anyone for right now. It needs to stay a secret. Just for now. Then you can go to college, and get away from here, and have a bit more freedom.”

Pearl’s hands were clenched so tightly, she half expected to be bleeding from her fingernails. “All right. I just have one question.”

Her grandmother nodded. Pearl bit her lip before continuing.

“Why are _you_ okay with this? Why don’t you hate me too?”

Her grandmother smiled vaguely.

“Because I understand your…feelings. I don’t blame you for them.”

Pearl’s eyebrows pressed together. “Are-are you…like me? Do you like girls?” Pearl’s voice was trembling, because that was a sentence that she never thought that she'd ever actually speak.

Her grandmother smiled mischievously.

“Yes.” she said with a glint in her eye.

“Then-what about Grandpa? Your-your husband? Did you not really-“

She held up her hand, stopping her. “I loved your grandfather. I still do.” She smiled, waiting for Pearl to get it. Then-

 

“You…like both?”

Her grandmother smirked. “Yep.”

Pearl flushed. “I-I didn’t know that was a thing.” she said softly.

The grey-haired woman nodded. “Yes. It’s called being bisexual. When you like both men and women.” Pearl nodded slowly.

“I’m sorry that I didn’t know.” she said regretfully.

The older woman laughed. “Why? How would you know? I really doubt that either of your parents would ever talk about something like that.”

Pearl laughed mirthlessly. “No, I suppose not.”

They fell into a silence, both feeling unsure of what to say. Pearl sighed. “This is so...hard for me. I don’t like keeping secrets like this. And how can I even ask Lapis to do something like this for me? She can’t be anymore okay with this than I am.”

Her grandmother folded her fingers underneath her chin, a small smile on her face. “I’d say she does. In case you haven’t noticed, that girl is completely in love with you.”

Pearl flushed a dark pink.

“N-no, I-we’re not…she’s not-“ she stumbled.

Her grandmother laughed brightly.

“Sweetheart, anyone who’s willing to sit through dinner with your parents, _just_ for you, is in love with you. Believe me.”

Pearl stared down at her hands, rubbing her thumb against her palm. “How do you know?” she asked softly.

The older woman’s brow furrowed. “What do you mean?”

Pearl shifted awkwardly. “How…can you tell if you love someone or not? When do you know?”

The grey-haired woman thought for a few moments. “I think, that when you start asking yourself that question…you already are.”

Pearl bit her lip. “But I can’t- We’ve only been together a month. That’s not…ugh.” She buried her head in her hands.

“Why not? I’ve fallen in love in a week. In a day. It doesn’t matter.” She patted Pearl’s shoulder. Slowly Pearl took her hands away from her face.

“But here’s a tiny bit of advice. Tell her. Don’t spend all this time worrying about if you’re absolutely certain you’re in love. Just tell her. If anything at all happens you’ll always regret that you never said it. But telling someone that you love them, you never regret that.”

Pearl swallowed, her throat tight. “Thank you….for telling me all of this. And for coming to see me.”

Her grandmother smiled gently. “I’m glad that I came too. And if you ever need anything, just call me, and I’ll try to help the best that I can.”

Pearl smiled, true and honest. “Thank you.”

Her grandmother leaned over, giving her a small hug. Pearl hugged her back, and there was a warm feeling inside her chest.

After a moment the older woman stood, and with another small smile, turned and quietly left her bedroom. The door clicked behind her.

Pearl was surprised to find that the corners of her eyes were wet.

She wrapped her sweater tighter around herself and, still not feeling tired, went over to her window, pulling aside the curtains ever so slightly.

Outside the world was dark, the only light glowing from the streetlight on the corner. It shone with a brightness, and all of a sudden it seemed rather hopeful.

Pearl smiled faintly to herself.

Across the nighttime world, blocks away, she imagined Lapis going inside her big, dark house. She would open the door and kick off her heels with a groan. Then she’d go upstairs, and put on pajamas and get into bed.

Pearl wondered if Lapis would think of her during that time.

She wondered if Lapis knew how much she had been thinking of her.

There was a swelling sort of ache in her stomach, though it had nothing to do with pain.

She wanted to be with her.

She wanted to have Lapis with every part of her body. Her hands tightened on the window frame.

Maybe she did love her.

Pearl swallowed.

She wondered if she loved Lapis. She wondered if Lapis loved her.

She kept standing there, wondering, for a long time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .....feelings are hard. Anyway. 
> 
> The Pearlapis Bomb starts tomorrow!!!!! And I may or may not have written stuff for it ; ) So make sure to check back all this week!
> 
> Also, have any of you listened to Kesha's new album? It just came out this past Friday, and it is literally the most amazing gorgeous thing I have ever heard. So if you can, you should totally check it out! I think my favorite song is Spaceships ;)
> 
> As always, I love talking to all you cool humans, so comment please! See you next month! And also tomorrow ; D


	14. don't you know? girls like girls like boys do

Pearl couldn’t deny the fact that she was excited. Perhaps a bit nervous as well, but far more excited than anything else. 

It was finally Friday.  Which meant that she would be going to Lapis’s house for the night. 

She bit her lip, trying to hide a smile that kept creeping out.  It would be just the two of them. And that sounded heavenly. 

They rarely got any time together, and it was never more than an hour snuck in there and here. Those hours were precious and important, but they were far too short. 

The briefness was all Pearl’s fault, and she knew that.  She was the one who would always have to go running off to ballet class or violin class or the dinner party her mother was having that night with some of her lady friends.  Lapis was never grouchy about it, and just gave her a quick kiss before Pearl had to dash off to wherever she was supposed to be. 

Maybe Lapis wasn’t annoyed by her constant interruptions, but Pearl was. It felt as though every time they were just getting to the especially nice parts of making out they would get disrupted.  Their time would run out and Pearl would have to leave, still wishing for more.  But not tonight. 

They would have all the time that they wanted, to talk and kiss and snuggle and whatever else they wanted to do. 

Pearl resisted the urge to sigh.  This was going to be wonderful.

With a sigh of relief she put down her pencil, finally finished with all of her homework for the weekend.  Now she could focus totally on tonight. 

She stood from her desk, and gazed around her bedroom. Briskly she went over to her closet and pulled out a large tote bag.  It would work for carrying things over to Lapis’s house that she might need. 

But besides a few basic necessities, such as toothpaste, a toothbrush, and her makeup bag, she wasn’t sure of what she was supposed to bring.  Mostly because she didn’t know what they were going to be doing.

What would they be doing? She had asked Lapis, but the blue-haired girl had been vague when she had, saying that they’d “ _hang out_ ” and perhaps “ _watch a movie or something._ ”

Pearl had been to sleepovers with other girls before. They had always been rather boring. There was always a cluster of girls, _never_ just two alone, ( _that_ would be inappropriate) and they had all sat around, giggling and gossiping.  Pearl had sat there, silent through most of the time. 

They did each other’s makeup, painted each other’s nails, watched some girly romance movie, and stayed up all through the night.  Usually by the next morning Pearl’s stomach was hurting from sheer exhaustion. 

Spending the night with Lapis had much more appeal. 

A stupid smile curled at her lips.

Suddenly she made up her mind.  She would pack a change of clothes and let the rest work itself out.  Besides, she really didn’t want to do anything at all.  She just wanted to curl up with her girlfriend and kiss her; preferably for several hours on end. 

Pearl smiled to herself, and went to go finish packing.  

                                                                                                                                     -:-                                                                                                                                             

Lapis felt so nervous and excited she felt as though she might explode.  Literally though. 

Because Pearl was coming over, for the night, and they would have hours and hours together.  All the time they could want.

Their time that they had together was too short; Lapis knew that.  And it was mostly because Pearl’s parents kept her constantly on the move. 

Which was okay. Lapis certainly didn’t blame her or anything for it. It just felt as though they were getting into the habit of sneaking in kisses wherever they could, because it was all they got.  And that was also fine. 

But a part of her wanted nothing more than to simply sit on the sofa with Pearl and be able to kiss her slowly, leisurely.  She wanted to appreciate her girlfriend, not just dive bomb her mouth when no one was looking. 

Lapis sighed, rubbing her arms tiredly.

She had just gotten home from school, and Pearl would be coming over in a few hours.  That meant she had to rush around and clean everything as fast as she possibly could, starting with her room. 

Well, it was certainly going to be a fun next few hours.  She sighed again, and went to work.  

                                                                                                                          -:-

Pearl glanced at the clock.  5 after 5. They had agreed to meet at 5:30, and Pearl would have to leave soon as to be on time.  She bit her lip, mentally going over everything that she had packed. 

Yes, yes.  She had everything.  At least, she hoped she did. 

Pearl went over to the mirror, carefully straightening her bangs. She dabbed a tiny bit of pink lipgloss on, rubbing her lips together to spread it over her lips. 

A wave of excitement flowed over her. 

Pearl went to her closet and slipped on a light grey button-up sweater, before she picked up her bag, pushing it up onto her shoulder. She slipped quietly out of her room and started down the stairs. 

Her mother was sitting on the sofa with a book open in her hands.  She glanced up as Pearl came into the room. 

“Hello dear.  Are you leaving now?” she asked, a strange lilt in her voice. 

Pearl tried not to sound nervous when she answered.  “Yes. Is there anything you need before I go?” 

Her mother pursed her lips.  “No.  Is Lapis having anyone…else over tonight?” 

Pearl swallowed. 

“Ah-I’m not sure.  Maybe? I think she may have mentioned another girl.” 

Very blatant lie. 

Her mother nodded.  “Well, be very careful.  I don’t trust that girl to have decent friends.  If anything at all happens, I want you to call me, and I will come pick you up.  Do you understand?” 

Pearl nodded.  “Yes, of course Mother. Certainly.” Her mother nodded once more, seemingly satisfied.  Pearl waved goodbye, before hurrying out the door. 

No point in giving her time to change her mind. 

Pearl started off.  The sky was remarkably dark, and it almost seemed as though it were about to storm.  Pearl bit her lip. 

She hadn’t brought an umbrella, but to go back now for one seemed like trying her luck.  After a moment’s hesitation she started off again. 

It probably wouldn’t rain anyway.  

 

Halfway to Lapis’s house it began to pour rain. 

Pearl mentally cursed the universe as she began to run.   Even running, she was still completely soaked when she got to Lapis’s front door. 

Quickly she got onto the porch of Lapis’s house and rang the bell.  She shivered slightly. 

Light feet came quickly to the door, opening to reveal Lapis’s bright smile.  “Pearl!” 

Pearl smiled weakly, trying not to shiver.  Suddenly Lapis realized that she was completely wet.

“Oh…Pearl you’re soaked. Come on, get in.” 

Pearl hesitantly entered the dark house.  But she was surprised by the house that she walked into.  All the lights were on, casting a warm glow against the darkness outside. 

Somewhere a radio played piano music. 

She turned her gaze back to Lapis.  Lapis stood, watching her worriedly. 

She was wearing a pair of faded black jeans and a very large, loose gray sweater that was falling off one shoulder.  She hadn’t bothered with makeup, just a tiny bit of eyeliner and that was all. 

Her blue hair was a bit tussled and her normally pale cheeks were flushed slightly from being out of breath.  She stared up at Pearl, her eyes wide. 

Pearl swallowed, griping the strap of her now wet bag. 

She was so beautiful.  And when she was staring at Pearl like that, Pearl found that her brain wasn’t working. 

Pearl blushed, suddenly self-conscious of her messy appearance.  Why was it that she always had to look like a disaster in front of her gorgeous girlfriend? 

“Pearl, come on.  We gotta get you dry. You’re shivering.”  Lapis told her, breaking her out of her thoughts. 

Pearl quickly nodded, her cheeks still pink.  She followed Lapis to her room, rubbing at her cold arms. Lapis glanced behind at her. She seemed to want to say something, but then thought better of it. 

They went into Lapis’s room, door creaking quietly as they went through it.  Lapis turned around as soon as they were inside.  “I could put your wet clothes in the dryer if you’d like?” 

Pearl glanced down at herself.  “But I don’t-“ 

Lapis smiled.  “Uh, you could borrow some things of mine, if you want.”  Pearl nodded, smiling gratefully.  “Yes, thank you.” she said softly. 

Lapis nodded, and went over to her closet.  Pearl tried to peer over her shoulder, curious as to what exactly Lapis’s closet might look like, but all she saw were a lot of grays and blacks.  

She pulled a couple of things out and went back to Pearl’s side.  Carefully she laid out a dark blue sweater and a pleated black skirt that was just a tiny bit shorter than something Pearl would normally have worn. 

She smiled at Lapis gratefully.  “Thank you.  You’re…so sweet.”  she said softly. 

Lapis smiled brightly.  “No problem.  Just bring your wet stuff down when you’re finished and I’ll put them in the dryer.  There’s towels in the bathroom,” she pointed to the bathroom that was connected to her own bedroom, “if you need them.  I’ll be downstairs.” 

She gave Pearl a small kiss on her cheek then turned away. The door closed gently behind her. 

Pearl stared at the clothes lying on the bed.  She had the sweetest girlfriend in the universe. 

Pearl felt a twist in her gut.

Slowly she began to tug off her wet clothes, a breathless hot feeling building beneath her skin.  Pearl let her clothes drop to the rug, before she slipped on the clothes that Lapis had put out for her.  

They fit almost perfectly except for the skirt being rather on the short side.  Although that wasn’t…the worst thing in the world. 

She smiled to herself.  Suddenly a soft sort of smell drifted into her nose.  She raised the sweater to her face and took a deep breath. 

It smelled like the ocean, like salt and flowers. 

It smelled like…Lapis. 

Pearl sighed.  She wrapped the sweater tighter around herself.  After a moment of just standing there, she sighed and picked up her wet clothes from the floor. 

She started downstairs.  

                                                                                                                                     -:-

Lapis was in the kitchen, busy puttering around with different pots and things.  Pearl arched an eyebrow when she came into the room. 

“What are you doing?”

Lapis glanced up from where she was crouched in front of a cabinet.  A faint tinge  of pink dusted her cheeks. 

Her eyes darted over Pearl like lightning, before she quickly looked away.  “Just making dinner.  Would pasta with red sauce work for you?” she asked hesitantly, holding up a jar of chopped tomatoes. 

Pearl smiled brightly.  “Of course.” 

Lapis smiled, and it seemed sort of relieved.  She stood from the floor, setting the jar down on the counter. 

Suddenly Pearl couldn’t help herself. 

Silently she slipped over to where Lapis stood.  Lapis turned, only just realizing how close she was.

“Hey.” Lapis said, biting her lip.  Pearl smiled faintly. 

“Hi.”

Lapis moved to lean against the granite counter top, resting her hands on the surface.  “So…”

Pearl’s gaze sort of faded over, her hands moving to Lapis’s sides. Slowly she shut her eyes, leaning forward.  Lapis smiled gently, and moved into her. 

Softly their lips met and Pearl felt Lapis wind her arms around her neck.  She sighed ever so softly, and pressed them even closer.  Lapis’s lips were soft and gentle and loving, and Pearl felt as though she were coming home. 

Her hands rested, still on her hips.  She wasn’t entirely sure if she were doing this correctly, but it still felt incredibly pleasant, so something must be right. 

Lapis’s hands toyed with the back of her hair, tugging her closer.   Pearl smiled, kissing her a bit harder. 

To her delight, Lapis gasped into her mouth.  She felt a rush of tingles to the inside of her stomach. It was the same kind of desperation that she had been feeling every day for the past week. 

The same feeling that wished she could just sink into Lapis, drown inside of her. It bubbled through her, made want to thrust Lapis against the counter top and kiss her senseless.   Against herself, her hands clutched into Lapis's thighs, far too tightly. 

Suddenly she jerked away. 

Lapis opened her eyes, surprised.  Carefully she ran a hand through Pearl’s short hair. 

“Pearl, is-is everything okay?” Lapis asked, concerned. 

Quickly Pearl nodded.  “Yes-yes.  Sorry.” She quickly pecked a small kiss against Lapis’s budding frown, and stepped back, unpinning Lapis from where she had cornered her against the counter.  

“So,” she said, forcing cheeriness,  “what can I do to help?”

Lapis blinked. 

“Oh, uh, okay.  Fill up a pot with water and set it to boil on the stove. All the pots are in that cabinet.” She gestured at the particular cabinet.

Pearl nodded quickly. 

“I’ll go get the pasta from the pantry.” Lapis said, darting out of the kitchen.  As soon as she stepped out of the kitchen, Pearl exhaled. 

 _Oh stars. That was_ … she bit her lip. 

What it had been, was perfect. 

She could still feel the prickles in her stomach even now. She hadn’t felt tingles like that… ever.

Not even with Rose. 

Pearl swallowed, crouching down and pulling out the pot like Lapis had said.  She carried it over to the sink, briskly filling it with water.  Setting it gently onto the stove, she then clicked on the burner, it quickly brightening into flame. 

The entire thing began to hum softly. 

Pearl sighed, rubbing her eyes. She desperately wanted to kiss Lapis, yet when she did, she then proceeded to mess everything up.  She groaned.

Lapis came back into the kitchen with a box of pasta in one hand. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked curiously, having heard Pearl groaning. 

Pearl smiled weakly.  “Just remembering that I have to study for my Chemistry exam this weekend.”

That was a fine lie, and Lapis seemed to believe it too. She rolled her eyes, setting down the box onto the countertop.  

“No school tonight.  Just us, relaxing and having fun. Okay?”

Pearl nodded.  She must have looked really sad about it, because Lapis came over to her, her eyes soft. “Hey.  I just-I feel like we’ve not gotten a chance to spend much time together.  And I fully intend to make the most of it tonight.”

She gave Pearl a small smile, before giving her a gentle kiss.  Pearl sighed loudly when she pulled away, making her giggle. 

“We’ll do more later.” Lapis said in a low voice.  “But right now I’m hungry.” 

Pearl shrugged in defeat, following her to the stove. “I’m holding you to that.” she said softly, glancing over at Lapis. 

That made Lapis blush as well.  Pearl smiled, opening the box of pasta.  

                                                                                                                             -:-

Watching Lapis cook was…weird. 

Pearl couldn’t quite decide why, but it was.  Maybe because Lapis had a reputation.

For being tough and scary. 

And right now she was currently humming around the kitchen, making pasta and sauce. 

The pasta was on the stove, cooking away, and Lapis had gotten another pot out for the tomato sauce, and was busy stirring it while Pearl watched. She noticed Pearl watching her, and glanced over, her eyes wide. 

“What?” 

Pearl smiled, shaking her head.  “Nothing.  This is just weird, seeing you like this.” 

Lapis’s eyebrows scrunched together adorably. 

“Like what?” 

Pearl laughed.  “Seeing you cook like this. Just imagine if everyone could see the terrifying Lapis making spaghetti sauce.” 

Lapis held a finger to her lips.  “Don’t you dare blow my cover.”

Pearl giggled. She went over to the stove where Lapis was standing. 

After a moment, she carefully wound her arms around Lapis’s torso, pressing her chin into her shoulder.  Lapis giggled. 

“What are you doing?” she asked, glancing over her shoulder at Pearl. 

Pearl shrugged.

“Hugging you.  I’ve decided that I don’t hug you enough.” 

Lapis arched an eyebrow.  “Really.  How did you decide something like that?” Her eyes were soft, but a bit teasing. 

Pearl kissed her cheek.  “It feels nice.” 

“Good reasoning.”

“I know.” 

Smiling softly to herself, Pearl pressed a kiss against Lapis’s bare shoulder. Then, ever so careful, she began to kiss up Lapis’s neck and jawline.  Lapis let out a soft gasp, and stopped stirring the pot. 

Pearl laughed quietly.  “Is this okay?”

Lapis nodded, shutting her eyes.  “Yes. I-I ah…”

Pearl nuzzled into the space between Lapis’s jaw and neck, pressing the very lightest kisses all along that space.  Lapis leaned into her, back pressing into Pearl’s chest.  Pearl pressed a last kiss against her cheek, hard and loving, and it set Lapis giggling. 

Pearl unlaced her arms from Lapis’s waist, but Lapis seemed hesitant to leave.  She turned so that she was facing Pearl.

Her hand wandered to Pearl’s cheek. 

“I missed you.  I miss you all the time.” she murmured so softly that Pearl barely heard her.  Pearl shut her eyes, letting their foreheads meet.  “I know. Me too.” 

Lapis found both of her hands, clutching at them tightly.  “We’ve got tonight.  That’s something, right?” she mumbled. 

Pearl nodded slowly.  “Yes, that’s-“ she stopped, wrinkling her nose. 

She opened her eyes. 

“What is that smell?” 

Lapis gasped. 

“Oh _shit_.”

Quickly she pulled away from Pearl and darted back to the stove, where the sauce was currently starting to burn.  “Is it ruined?”

Lapis shook her head, stirring it briskly.  “Nah, I think it’s fine.  The bottom was just starting to burn a little.  But it’s good.”  Pearl blushed. 

“Sorry about that.” 

Lapis glanced over her shoulder, smirking a little bit.  “ _That’s_ why we can’t kiss in the kitchen.” 

Pearl pouted. “Really?” 

Lapis gazed at her through her eyelashes.  “I didn’t say anything about any other places.” she said in a low voice. 

Pearl’s face burned, but Lapis had already moved back to the stove.  “Hey, Pearl, can you get me out a colander?  They’re in that bottom cabinet over there.” Pearl nodded, and got the colander out, putting it into the sink. 

Lapis followed with the pot of pasta, quickly dumping it up.  She turned to Pearl with a smile.  “Ready to eat?”

                                                                                                                                       -:- 

Since it was only the two of them, Lapis thought it would be easier to just eat on the kitchen’s island, rather than traipsing all the way into the massive dinning room.

They sat down quietly.  Lapis tried not to stare at Pearl too much, but she was having a hard time of it. She watched as Pearl carefully took a bite of pasta. She was so…dainty about it. 

Her lips were so pretty, like two halves of a little rosebud. 

She felt Lapis’s eyes on her and glanced over at her, self-conscious. 

Lapis blushed at being caught staring.

“This is amazing.”  Pearl said with a small smile.   Lapis blushed harder. 

“R-really?” 

Pearl nodded.  “I can’t believe that you can cook like this.” 

Lapis shrugged.  “I’m sure I couldn’t hold a candle to anything that you could do.” 

Pearl snorted into her bowl of pasta. 

“What?” Lapis asked.

“I actually can’t cook to save my life.  My mother tried for years and years, but finally she marked me as a hopeless cause.”  She said with a dry smirk. Lapis stared at her incredulously. 

“You mean…there’s something you actually can’t do?” she said with mock surprise. 

Pearl rolled her eyes.  “Yes.”

Lapis raised a hand to her forehead dramatically. “Oh my goodness.  You’re _not_ actually perfect.  What will everyone say?”  Pearl shoved at her shoulder. 

“You’re not funny.” she said with a giggle. Lapis laughed, as she took a bite of pasta.  

Lapis was rather shocked at how fast Pearl ate.  Once she finished, she sat there, staring forlornly into her bowl.  Lapis laughed at her expression. 

“There’s more, if you want it.” 

Pearl bit her lip, but shook her head.  “No.  I can’t. I’m on a diet.” 

Lapis blinked.  Slowly she set down her fork.  “Excuse me?” 

Pearl glanced up at her, blinking.  “What?”

“Why in the world are _you_ on a diet?” Lapis demanded.  Pearl looked down at the counter top.  She mumbled something under her breath. 

“What?” 

She looked up. 

“…I said, my ballet teacher told me that I had to lose weight if I wanted to keep dancing the lead.”  Her blue eyes stared at Lapis determinedly. 

Lapis shut her eyes.  Oh god.  Slowly she sighed.

“Pearl. That’s insane.  Have you seen yourself?  You’re already as thin as a rail.  You don’t need to lose anymore weight.” 

Pearl frowned.  “Lapis, I have to.” 

Lapis shook her head.  “Did she say why you need to suddenly lose weight?” 

Pearl rubbed at the palm of her hand.  “It’s hard for the boy who has to lift me to lift me.” 

Lapis stared at her. 

“What is he, an eight year old? _I_ could lift you.” 

Pearl blinked, looking at her incredulously.  “You couldn’t lift me.” 

Lapis smirked, catching the challenge in her tone. “Okay.  Let’s see then.”

She stood up from her seat. 

Pearl bit her lip, but she still stood also.  Lapis placed her hands on her hips.  “So, how does he have to lift you?” 

Pearl blushed.  “I-I ah…around my waist.” she mumbled, gesturing at her waist.  Lapis nodded.  “All right.” 

Pearl glanced around the kitchen.  “Um…let me start from over there.”

She went over to the corner of the kitchen, raising her arms into what Lapis guessed was some graceful, ballet position. Then, with amazing grace, she began to move across the kitchen with a mix of twirls and graceful movements that Lapis couldn’t name. 

Suddenly she was in front of Lapis.  Her hands moved to Lapis’s shoulders. 

“Now, hands around my waist, and just-“ she directed.  Lapis put her hands around Pearl’s waist. 

Lapis nodded, noticing with growing irritation that her hands, which were not abnormally large, could almost wrap entirely around Pearl’s tiny waist. 

Carefully she lifted Pearl, and it was the strangest feeling. She was like lifting a pixie. 

Pearl arched her back in what was probably another ballet thing, and then she twisted in a way that Lapis didn’t expect, causing her grip to slip.  Quickly she caught her, in a sort of bridal style position. 

Lapis should’ve put her down instantly, but she was sort of frozen.  Pearl stared at her with wide blue eyes that were somehow unreadable.  Lapis swallowed, and carefully sat her feet back on the ground.

Pearl laughed nervously.  “Wow…I wouldn’t have thought you could do that.  You’re strong.” 

Lapis laughed dryly.  “More like that boy has arms like twigs.”  She turned to Pearl, clutching at her hands.  “Please.  It’s not my say what you do….but I want you to take care of yourself.  I want you to eat.  This…this is stupid.  I don’t want you to do this.” she said softly.

Pearl hung her head.  “Let me think about it.”

Slowly she looked up at Lapis.  “Could-could I maybe still have another bowl of pasta?”

Lapis laughed.  She leaned up on her toes, pressing a quick kiss against Pearl’s rosebud lips.  She was delighted to see a small smile on her girlfriends's face when she pulled away.

Pearl blushed prettily, before she went to get some more food.  A feeling of relief washed over Lapis.  

                                                                                                                                       -:- 

Lapis finished eating sooner than Pearl, and so she sat there for a moment, and just enjoyed watching her girlfriend, who was still very intently eating. She propped her cheek against her hand. 

It was so pleasant to not eat alone on  Friday night for what felt like the millionth time.  It wasn't that she minded being alone. It was just that sometimes having company was nice too. 

And as far as company was concerned, Pearl was the very best. 

Outside it was just starting to fall dark, but inside there was a bright, glowing warmth, and it wasn’t just from the lights that Lapis had turned on.  She smiled fondly at Pearl. 

The pale girl noticed Lapis watching her, and she glanced up, her cheeks pinking.  “I-sorry.  I’m being gross.” she mumbled, flushing. 

Lapis laughed, shaking her head.  “No. It’s just…wonderful to have you here.”  The tips of Pearl’s ears turned a bright pink. 

“I-ah-me too.”  Pearl stuttered out. 

Lapis smiled.  “Hey, do you mind if I start cleaning up while you finish eating?”  Pearl shook her head.  “Are you sure?  I’ll be glad to help, really I-“ 

She shook her head, standing up with her plate.  “Nah.  You’re sweet, but I’m fine.”  She pressed a kiss against the top of Pearl’s head, before she went over to the sink and rinsed off her plate. 

Lapis puttered around the kitchen, cleaning up the mess, while Pearl kept nibbling on her food. Vaguely Lapis noticed that she was being a little quiet, but she wasn’t paying good enough attention to notice it. 

Briskly she washed the pots and pans, then set them aside to dry.  Carefully she then turned to Pearl with a smile. 

“Hey I-“ she stopped. 

Pearl was sitting quietly, her hands folded in her lap, eyes downcast.  Lapis could feel her stomach clench. 

“Are you all right?” 

Pearl looked up at her.  Her eyes were wide.  “Lapis…can we talk?” 

Lapis swallowed.  “Um…yeah.  Of course.” 

Her expression must’ve appeared terrified, because Pearl quickly shook her head, and clutched at her hand.  “It’s not-um-that. I-I just want to tell you about Rose now.  Please.” 

Lapis shook her head.  “Pearl, you don’t have to.  It’s fine.” 

Pearl stared at her, eyes watering.  “No. I-I need to. I want to.  I…want to tell someone.”

Lapis shut her eyes, before she sighed, and sat down.  “Okay.  Then I’ll listen.” She said gently, with a small smile. 

Pearl let out a relived breath. 

“Okay.” 

Her fingers were shaking on top of the marble island.  Lapis desperately wanted to reach out and hold her trembling hands, lace their fingers together, but she thought that would probably be distracting. So she simply remained silent, and waited for Pearl to speak.

Finally she did. 

“I met Rose when I was six.”

Her voice was shaky, but she slowly took a deep breath. 

“She had moved here from New York, and she started going to my school.  Rose was a grade older than I was, but we still played together at recess.  We also both did ballet.  We were in the same class, then.” 

She bit her lip. 

“Rose was a natural.  She was perfect at dancing.  I wasn’t.  It was so…hard, for me.  I had to practice so much.  But it didn’t matter.  Because Rose was there, and she was kind, and sweet and wonderful.” 

There was a sad kind of light in Pearl’s eyes. 

“Everyone liked Rose, and she liked everyone.  When I was with her, people liked me too. I…enjoyed that.  We were best friends.  Everything was perfect, until we got older.”   Her voice trembled. 

Suddenly she turned, grabbing one of Lapis’s hands in her own.  “Sorry.” she whispered. 

Lapis smiled and shook her head.  “I don’t mind.” she answered, rubbing her thumb against Pearl’s thin wrist. Pearl nodded, and continued with her story.

“I started….noticing things…when I was twelve. We were having this sleepover, and she-she was brushing her hair. And I just…saw _it_.  She was so _pretty_.  I wanted…I don’t know what I wanted.”

Pearl sniffled. 

“I wanted her attention.  I wanted to be around her for a reason that I didn’t understand.  But it was never that way.  Rose had…boyfriends _all_ the time. She kissed someone when she was thirteen.  She always asked me why I didn’t let myself be kissed, and I never had an answer.” 

Her head hung downwards, and Lapis’s heart twisted.  She wanted to comfort Pearl, to help in some way, but she didn’t know what to do. 

So she just stayed quiet, and held Pearl’s hand.  After a moment or two, Pearl kept going. 

“Then, one day, I realized.  I knew that I wanted to kiss her.  I knew that I was-I was in love with her.”  Pearl smiled faintly. “And I thought that she might love me back. But I was wrong.” 

Her eyes filled with tears. 

“Lapis-it was-it was the worst night of my whole life.”  she said with a small sob.  “I went to her house.  We were having another sleepover.  She had something important to tell me.  I said that I did too. We sat down on her bed, and I told her that I had something important to say.  I told her that I cared about her. That I liked her.  Rose didn’t understand.  She just laughed and said that she liked me too.  I was confused. So then-I-I just leaned over and kissed her.” 

Pearl’s fingers gripped into Lapis’s like iron. 

“There was this awful look on her face.  I didn’t know what to think. So I just sat there.  Rose finally told me that she was dating someone.  That she was in love with him.  That they had something…special.” 

Pearl’s voice turned bitter.  “She tried to talk to me about why I had kissed her, but I ran and hid in the bathroom.  Then we went to sleep and didn't talk about it again.  I knew then that I had been wrong. That the entire thing that simply been a horrible mistake. After that, I was embarrassed. I didn’t talk to Rose as much. She was busy with Greg anyway.” 

Pearl swallowed. “I knew it-it was wrong to have feelings for girls.  But I didn’t like any of the boys.  So I was alone.  For almost a year, I was alone . But then…Rose was late picking me up.” 

She turned to Lapis, her eyes growing watery. 

“It was late, and I was so annoyed with Rose.  Then this girl came up to me. She was so…cool.  She was so beautiful.” she murmured, a small smile on her face.  Lapis felt her eyes water.  Quickly she blinked them away.

“She was different from Rose in so many ways.  But it was a good thing.  I was so scared of her at first.  I was afraid to care about her.  Because I knew she couldn’t like me back.  But then…she did.” 

“So, so much.” Lapis said softly. 

Pearl smiled.  “I didn’t know.  I wasn’t sure, but now…Lapis, I know this is probably a terrible way to tell you, but I _need_ to tell you.” 

She clutched at Lapis’s hands, staring into their eyes filling with tears. 

“I love you.  Lapis, I love you.” 

Something inside of Lapis snapped.  All of a sudden her eyes over flowed with tears, rushing down her cheeks. 

She couldn’t keep herself from moving forward, and pressing her lips against Pearl’s in a desperate kiss.  Pearl was still for half a moment, and then she was kissing Lapis back just as passionately. 

Her hands clutched at Lapis’s hair, and Lapis wrapped her arms around Pearl’s neck, pulling her closer. 

Kissing Pearl was something that Lapis couldn’t imagine living without.  Her lips were gentle and soft and smooth with lipgloss, and her short little curls always brushed Lapis’s cheeks like little butterflies. 

She was always so hesitant and careful. 

Lapis knew that she was still crying, and she half wondered from the little raspy sobs that Pearl was making, if she was crying too. 

They couldn’t pull apart from one another.  Lapis wondered if this were how it was to be completely enamored with someone. 

Finally they managed to pull apart with a gasp and a sob.  Pearl sniffled, rubbing at her face. 

Lapis cupped her cheeks, staring at her. 

“I love you too.” she said with a shaky laugh. 

Pearl’s eyes watered, threatening to over flow again.  “Lapis I-“

She let out a gasp as Lapis began to pepper her face with kisses. 

“I. Love. You.  So. Much.” she said, each word separated by a kiss.

Pearl giggled in her arms, trying to push Lapis away, with little success.  They fell into a sort of hug, both shaking with laugher.  Finally Lapis leaned back, smiling at Pearl. 

“You…wanna go watch a movie?” she asked softly. 

Pearl nodded shyly.  Lapis grinned.  

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They didn’t end up watching the movie. 

It had all started out all right. Lapis had picked out the movie, and then they sat down on the sofa.  Awkward for a moment, but then Lapis tugged Pearl into her lap, wrapping an arm around her shoulder and Pearl sighed, nuzzling into her. 

She tucked her head into the crock of Lapis’s neck while Lapis’s fingers absently toyed with her hair. 

The movie wasn’t bad, but when the main male and female started kissing for the third scene in a row she glanced up at Lapis. 

“What?” Lapis asked. 

Pearl made a face.  “This is boring.” 

Lapis smirked.  “I know.” 

“Then why did you pick it?” Pearl asked, confused. 

“So we could make out in the middle of it.”  Lapis said, completely unashamed. 

Pearl turned as red as a beet.  “R-really?  People do that? I-ah-I thought that-um.” she stumbled, causing Lapis to laugh. 

They didn’t say anything for a moment, the movie characters still talking away on the screen. Lapis’s hand was still playing with a short little curl at the back of her neck, and Pearl bit her lip. 

When she turned back to Lapis there was a small little smile on her face. Pearl sighed in defeat. 

“Just kiss me.” 

Lapis grinned.  “With pleasure babe.” 

She leaned forward, meeting Pearl’s eager mouth.  It started as a very nice, soft light little kiss.

But Pearl’s stomach began to tingle, and she started to feel that dizzying craving feeling of _wanting_ Lapis.  Wanting Lapis to be pressed against every part of her. 

Her hands moved to Lapis’s face, pressing the kiss deeper. She kissed her harder, her tongue slipping shyly against Lapis’s. 

For half a second Lapis froze, as though she had shocked her, but then she was kissing Pearl harder than ever. Their tongues swirled together in a pleasant dance that made Pearl’s brain feel as though it were melting. 

Lapis’s fingers twisted into her hair, running through the curls there and tugging her closer.  Pearl felt the nerves in her back and stomach pulsing, the adrenaline pounding through her brain. 

Lapis pulled away from her lips, and began to kiss a trail down her neck. 

Her lips were kissing and sucking and biting and it was something just like heaven.  She felt as though she couldn’t take a moment more, but she never wanted it to end. 

Lapis’s lips kissed at the spot right at the curve of her neck, and it just felt so… _nice_. 

A wave of sheer happiness bubbled right through her, and suddenly, entirely on accident, a moan rose up from her throat and fell from her lips. 

Loudly. 

She slapped a hand over her mouth, jerking away. 

Her face felt as though it had been set on fire.  Lapis’s eyes opened, wide and shocked. 

“I-ah-I don’t know - I mean I didn’t-“ Pearl began, stuttering madly. 

Lapis just kept staring at her, eyes wide. Finally she shook her head, as though coming out of a daze. 

“It-it’s fine, Pearl, it’s fine.  I just- I didn’t know you could sound like that.” she mumbled, blushing heavily. 

Pearl shook her head.  “Me neither.” 

They were silent, the movie credits playing in the silence.  Pearl’s stomach felt as though it were flipping around inside her torso. 

She wanted to speak.  She wanted to tell Lapis to start kissing her like that again, because she felt as though she might die without Lapis’s touch. 

But she didn’t. 

She just mumbled some excuse about needing to use the bathroom and then ran out of the room.  

                                                                                                                                          -:-

Pearl's hands shook as she changed into her pajamas. 

She was still trembling from Lapis’s kisses. 

The feeling of Lapis’s body against her own.  It all made her vaguely want to throw up. 

She leaned across the bathroom sink, pressing her forehead against the marble.  It was cool. 

This was insane. 

She should not be feeling like this.  Why could she not just simply kiss her girlfriend without getting all weird about it? 

She groaned into her hands.  This had to stop.

Lapis was probably completely weirded out right now.  But still, she had said… _it_.  She had said that she loved her. 

Maybe it was because she felt as though she had to, because Pearl said it.  Just because of all the pressure. 

Pearl sighed heavily. 

Yes.  That was it.  Of course. 

There was no way that Lapis could actually…

Pearl felt like crying. 

Slowly she stood, unpressing her face from the sink rim.  Her pale reflection stared back at her. 

The small bathroom was dark, with strange lighting, so it cast odd shadows across her face.  Her face was pale, and in the light it almost looked grey.  Her hair brushed her cheeks, and she tucked a small curl behind her ear. 

She suddenly hated how she looked. 

Hated how pale her skin was, how short her hair was.   How thin her body was.  She pursed her lips.

No one could love her like this. 

It was a ridiculous thought.  She was stupid for ever believing it.

Lapis was just trying not to hurt her feelings.  At least she hadn’t laughed at Pearl. 

She sighed, and slipped out of the bathroom to go find Lapis.  

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Lapis sat on her bed in her large band shirt, twiddling her thumbs while waiting for Pearl to get back from changing. 

She had offered her the bathroom that connected to her own room, but Pearl seemed to want to change farther away, and so Lapis directed her to the one down the hall. 

Pearl had been gone for a rather long time, and Lapis was just starting to wonder if she should go check on her. The house was so big, that with one wrong turn, someone might easily get lost. 

Lapis bit her lip, but kept flipping absently through a magazine.  It was about something ridiculous, like home decor, but Lapis wasn’t paying very much attention to it, so it hardly mattered. 

Her mind kept flitting back to Pearl. 

She couldn’t believe that Pearl had actually said _that._   Even now, it still seemed insane. 

But it still…

Lapis had been so glad to say it.

It had almost popped out several times before.  Lapis had almost said it.

But something stopped her.  Probably the fact that she would’ve never imagined that Pearl could ever feel the same way.  But she did. 

She loved Lapis. 

And now, Lapis was certain that she loved her too. 

It was everything.  She loved the way she talked, the way she laughed, the way she constantly gestured with her hands.  The way her hair curled against her neck, the way her eyes flitted around all the time, never staying still. 

Lapis bit her lip. 

She had been honestly shocked when Pearl had…gasped like that.  It made her stomach twist in a way that she hadn’t felt since she had been with Jasper. 

It was just…really hot. 

She shut her eyes, remembering it again.  Pearl had seemed extremely embarrassed about it, but it wasn’t…ugh. 

She had no idea of just how extremely hot she was.  It had taken just about every bit of Lapis’s will not to press her against the sofa cushions and kiss her senseless.  

Oh stars, ugh. 

Lapis rubbed her eyes tiredly.  She was literally amazing.  And Lapis had no idea where she had disappeared to. 

She was just about to get up to look for her when Pearl hesitantly opened her bedroom door.  Lapis sat up, smiling a bit nervously. 

“Hey.  I was just about to go look for you.”

Pearl smiled weakly.  “Oh. Well. I’m right here.” she said quietly.  Lapis frowned.

“Is-is everything okay?” 

Pearl stepped all the way into her bedroom, and Lapis immediately flushed. 

Of course, Pearl would be _exactly_ the sort of person to have matching pajamas. 

She had on a cotton thin-strapped top trimmed with a little lace, and matching bottoms. 

That were very short. 

Her legs were long and pale and pretty, and Lapis found herself staring.  Quickly she blinked and looked away.

“So…you wanna go to sleep now, or what?” 

Pearl rubbed her arm, looking anywhere but Lapis. 

“I-I suppose.” she mumbled. 

Lapis’s eyebrows furrowed.  “What’s going on? Everything was fine earlier, but now you’re upset.  Have I done something wrong?” she asked, her eyes carefully studying Pearl’s face. 

Pearl shrugged vaguely.  “I dunno. Just tired.” she mumbled to the floor. 

Lapis frowned. 

“Pearl.  Come here. Please.”  she said softly, holding out her hand.  

Pearl was still for far too long, but finally she took Lapis’s hand.  Ever so gracefully she sank down onto Lapis’s bed, the mattress sagging under her weight. 

She resisted slightly, but Lapis kept gently tugging on her, and Pearl finally felt into her arms with a sigh.  Her skin was cool against Lapis’s. 

Carefully Lapis wrapped an arm around her shoulders, Pearl sinking into the curve of her neck.  Lapis glanced down at her. 

“Pearl, what’s wrong?” she asked quietly.  

Pearl did that weird shrug thing that was so unlike her, and didn’t answer.  Lapis frowned. 

“Pearl.  I know something’s wrong.  I can tell that you’re sad about something.” 

Pearl shifted uncomfortably, and pulled herself from Lapis’s arms.  She scooted to the opposite side of Lapis’s bed, her back to Lapis.  Lapis bit down a wave of frustration.  Carefully she placed a hand on Pearl’s shoulder. 

“Pearl, I-“ 

“Please stop!”  Pearl said suddenly. 

She turned to Lapis, her eyes full of tears.  “Stop this.”

Lapis stared at her with confusion. 

“Stop what? I don’t know what I’m doing!” she said frustratedly. 

Pearl sniffled, looking away.  “Stop pretending that you like me.  I can take it. I can stand that you don’t like me.” 

Lapis’s mouth fell open. 

“What in the world are you talking about?! I love you!”  Lapis answered back, aware that she was almost yelling. 

Pearl scowled.  “No! No you don’t! You can’t, because no one can! You’re just lying, it’s not true, you don’t really mean it. No one means it.”

Suddenly she began to sob, tears running down her cheeks. 

Lapis stared at her, her mind unable to keep up.  Suddenly she realized that her girlfriend was sobbing, crying as though her heart might break. 

Lapis’s heart felt as though it were broken too.

She moved across her bed, and pulled Pearl into her arms, pressing her as close as she could.  Pearl didn’t resist, burying her face into Lapis’s tee shirt.  She could feel wet tears soaking through the fabric, but she ignored it. 

Gently she ran her hands through Pearl’s short hair, murmuring gentle words that didn’t seem to be helping at all.  Finally Pearl’s sobs quieted, and she pulled her head from Lapis’s chest, although she was still unable to look at Lapis. 

Lapis ran a hand through her hair softly. 

“Hey.  Hey.  Look at me.” she said softly.  Slowly Pearl did. 

“Listen to me.  I would _never_ lie about loving you.  Ever.  I do, Pearl.  I love you.  And I’m not the only one.  You have so many people who do love you.  Your grandmother, Amethyst, me, even your mother loves you, in her own awful way. So don’t think that.” 

She took a deep breath.  “I love you Pearl.  You have to believe me. Do you?” She stared at Pearl earnestly.  Slowly Pearl nodded. 

“I-I do.” she said softly. 

Lapis smiled, relieved.  Pearl sighed, falling into her chest. 

Softly she sighed, shifting against Lapis's chest.  Her fingers tentatively clutched at Lapis's shirt.  There was something wrong. Lapis could see it in her eyes. 

“I still feel...wrong.  Like I'm disgusting.” she mumbled through the cloth of her shirt. Lapis gripped at her shoulders. 

“What? Why would you ever feel like that?” 

Pearl pulled away, wiping at her eyes.  “I-I thought that telling you all of this…it might make the feeling go away.  But it didn’t. It's still there. It's awful.”  Lapis blinked. 

“I don’t understand-what feeling?” 

Pearl shrugged.  “It’s stupid.” 

Lapis frowned.  Slowly she leaned closer, so close they could almost bump noses. 

“Tell me.” 

Pearl flushed, her eyes big.  “I just- there’s this feeling that I get…when we kiss. When you touch me.  I can’t….stop thinking about it. Even when you’re not there, my skin feels all hot.”  Pearl said, her head staring at the sheets.

Lapis stared at her, and then suddenly she laughed.  Pearl looked up at her, surprised. 

“That’s not a big deal. You’re just getting a little-um- turned on?” Lapis said, flushing a little. Pearl stared at her, hands clutched in the sheets. 

“D-do you mean, like a…sex thing?” she said, turning bright red as soon as the words left her mouth. Biting back a smile, Lapis nodded. 

Pearl blinked, and Lapis could see her thinking.

“But that doesn’t make sense.”

“Why not?” Lapis asked, confused. 

“Because. It’s not like we could ever, um you know. Do that.” 

Lapis blinked.  “Are you talking about having sex?” 

Eyes fixed on her lap, Pearl nodded.  “We can’t do that.” 

Lapis stared at her, feeling confused.  “You mean like, you don’t want to, or that you...think we can't?” 

 

“Like, biologically.”  Pearl answered, cheeks still pink.

 

Lapis stared at her, mouth sort of hanging open.  “That’s not true!”

Pearl shook her head.  “Yes, it is.  Only a male and female can have sexual intercourse.” 

Lapis couldn’t stop staring at her with disbelief.  “Who in the world told you that?!” Pearl swallowed. 

“Um, sex ed.?” 

Lapis stared at her incredulously, before she slowly groaned, flopping onto her back.  Pearl hesitated a moment, before shyly lying down beside her.  They were silent for a little while. 

Lapis glanced over at her. “Is _that_ what’s been bothering you?”

Slowly Pearl nodded. 

Lapis groaned again, burying her face in her hands. 

“Pearl, I’m sorry.  I just guess I thought that you’d already know about…all this.  And now I’ve been kissing you and making you feel all uncomfortable this whole time…ugh.” She groaned again.  Pearl’s blue eyes stared at her, with an unreadable expression on her face. 

“So…we could…?” 

Lapis nodded wearily.  “We can completely have sex.  It’s not exactly the same as with a boy and girl, but it still counts.” 

Pearl nodded, looking slightly less uncomfortable, but there was a faint dusting of pink on her cheeks.  “Um…how?” 

Lapis glanced over at her, to find Pearl nervously looking at her.   She shifted, sitting up, cross-legged.  Carefully she tugged Pearl up with her, pulling her into her lap.

“There’s all kinds of ways, but the most common are like…hand stuff, and like a little bit of oral?”  Lapis didn't know why she was making all of her sentences into questions.  But Pearl nodded, seeming to be interested. 

“Oh.” 

“Yeah.  That’s, um, mostly what Jasper and I did.” 

“You had sex with Jasper.”

“Yeah.”

Pearl nodded.  Lapis rubbed her thumb against her wrist. 

“S-so, have you ever…with any guys?” Lapis asked, blushing.

Pearl looked up.  She gave a nervous little laugh. 

“Oh, no.  Of course not. I don’t like boys like… _that_. I never have.”  She laughed again.  “You’re the only person that I’ve even kissed.”

“I thought you kissed Rose.” 

Pearl blushed.  “That hardly counted as a real kiss. It was more like a sad peck.”  She leaned forward, softly brushing her lips against Lapis’s, pulling back an instant later. 

“See?  Very sad.”

She tried to sound casual, but Lapis saw that her ears were still pink.  She smiled softly. 

“I liked it.” she said gently. 

Pearl blushed, but it still got her to smile.  Pearl swallowed nervously, her hands shaking slightly. 

“So, um, if say, hypothetically, if we were to do… _that_ , what would-ah-happen?” she asked, clearing her throat.  Lapis’s cheeks heated almost as much as Pearl’s.

“Well, ah-I dunno.  It would, I mean.  Hopefully it would feel good. I liked it, but you might be different, it’s all really about the person-“ she stopped, as she realized that she was rambling. 

Pearl nodded, her eyes focused on Lapis.  There was silence for a long short moment. 

Then Pearl spoke again. 

“Could-do you think that we could...maybe do that?” she asked in soft voice, never looking away. 

Lapis suddenly found that her breath was stuck somewhere between her throat and her lungs.

 Pearl was still staring at her with wide eyes, and Lapis needed to say something, but she currently couldn’t find the words.   She swallowed. 

“Now?” she suddenly blurted, because she honestly couldn’t believe that Pearl was asking what she thought. 

Pearl nodded, her eyes huge.  “Yes.” 

Carefully she scooted across the bed, gripping at Lapis’s hand.  “I can’t stop thinking about this. About _you_.  I trust you.” she said softly. 

Lapis bit her lip.  “Maybe you shouldn’t.” 

Pearl laughed softly.  Gently she kissed Lapis, delicate hands cupping her cheeks. 

“Don’t be ridiculous.”  She looked at Lapis expectantly. 

“So.  W-what do we do?”  

                                                                                                                                 -:- 

Outside the world was dark, just a faint bit of moonlight piercing through the curtain. 

There was an energy between them, a tingling, pounding rush, and Pearl thought she might drown in it. 

Her back was pressed against the mattress and the soft pillows, hands clenched in the sheets.  Lapis bent over her. She kissed her lips, her neck, everything. 

Soft little gasps fell from her lips and she pressed harder into Lapis. 

There was nothing left, their clothes left tossed aside, leaving bare skin against bare skin, but Lapis kissed her and she forgot to be embarrassed. 

Lapis’s hands tugged at her everything, cradling her, loving her. 

As she kissed her skin, her lips murmured sweet little things that Pearl couldn’t understand, but still somehow did.  Her fingertips traced circles on her hipbones, and then they fell to her waist, pulling her even closer. 

They fell to between her legs, and Pearl bit back a gasp, clutching her fingers tighter in the sheets.

Lapis smiled, brushing her bangs from her eyes, the dark spheres glinting in the dim room, and pushed harder into her, causing a rush of trembly gasps and moans to drop from her lips.

Her back arched against Lapis’s hand with a muffled whine, but Lapis never stopped. 

There was a great, heavy rush, and the only word she could groan was her Lapis’s name, and she did, over and over, desperately. 

Lapis kissed her hard, holding her tightly as she rushed over the edge, and then pulled her against her own torso as she lay limp and exhausted.  There was sweat, her bangs were wet with it, but Pearl could barely notice it.

Lapis leaned over her and kissed her stupid, and then a little more.  Their bodies were twisted together so close it almost felt as though they could simply become one. 

Lapis held her, kissed her, crooned over her, till she thought she might sob from all the love. Her body was heavy, and tired, and Lapis seemed to know this, and didn’t ask her to move.

Her hands traced at Pearl’s hips, thighs, waist, tugging her into her.  Sometime between all the kisses Pearl felt herself slipping into sleep. 

The last thing that she remembered was Lapis pulling the blankets over both of them, and holding her close.  

                                                                                                                                       -:-

Pearl opened her eyes to sunshine, and the sound of birds chirping. 

She opened her eyes hesitantly, vision and mind still blurry.  Something was…different. 

Suddenly she realized that she was not in her bedroom, and she was not in her bed.  And, she realized, she was not alone. 

There were arms wrapped tightly around her waist. 

Her bare, _clothing-less_ waist. 

Pearl flushed crimson. 

All of a sudden everything from the night before came rushing back to her.  She lay there, trying to be perfectly still, as not to wake Lapis. 

Carefully she twisted around, so she could face Lapis.  The smaller girl made a small sound of protest at her moments, but she didn’t wake. 

Pearl shifted, staring at the sleeping girl. 

Her blue hair shone in the sunlight, sticking up in a sort of adorable mess.  The dark tint of her skin gleamed with the light of the sun, highlighting the little freckles sprinkled over her nose and cheeks and arms.

She was covered with the sheets, but Pearl could still see the gentle, swelling curve of her chest beneath them.  Her lips were parted slightly as her chest rose and fell with short, gentle breaths that Pearl could feel against her cheek.

There was a swelling feeling in her chest.  Suddenly she felt as though she could never be happier than she was in this moment. 

She stared down at Lapis with a soft look.  Almost as though Lapis had felt her feelings, her eyes fluttered open. 

She blinked once, then realized Pearl was staring at her.  Pearl felt a smile curve at her lips. 

“Hello.” she said softly.  Lapis laughed. 

“Hi.” 

Pearl let her forehead fall against Lapis’s. They were silent for a long time, as though they realized that not talking was better than anything else in the moment. 

“Neither of us are wearing any clothes.” she said suddenly. 

Lapis laughed again.  “Nope.” 

The sun was warm against their skin.  Pearl wrapped her arms around Lapis’s waist, tugging her closer.  Lapis arched an eyebrow. 

“Hmm...”

Pearl laughed softly, and kissed her.  There was a glint in Lapis’s eye when she pulled away. 

“We’re wasting so much time right now.”  

Pearl shook her head.  “I know.”

A small smile tugged at Lapis’s lips.  Pearl returned it, and then kissed her. 

Lapis giggled before melting into the kisses that Pearl pressed against her skin, and her collarbone.  Carefully Pearl peppered little wet kisses all down her neck and collarbones.

Soft little gasps and moans escaped her lips, and they all sounded so lovely to Pearl.  She kissed her lips again, their bodies becoming a tangle once more. 

                                                                                                                              -:-

Finally, at a frankly ridiculous time of morning, they both managed to get downstairs and start looking for some breakfast. 

Pearl felt entirely silly. 

She couldn’t stop smiling and she couldn’t keep herself from kissing Lapis far too much.  Lapis seemed to be suffering from the same affliction. 

They burned the toast because they got distracted kissing, and Lapis managed to drop both of their glasses on the way to the sink.  But both of them were so dizzily happy that they barely noticed.

They ate breakfast, both of them trying to steal glances at the other when they weren’t looking, and usually failing.  Outside the sun was shining.  Pearl smiled, and took another bite of her only slightly blackened toast. 

                                                                                                                                 -:-

Lapis flopped down on her bed and watched Pearl putter around her room. 

“I wish you could stay forever.”  she said, propping one arm behind her head.  Pearl glanced over at her with a wry smile. 

“Me too.  But if I’m not home by noon, then my parents _will_ panic.” 

Lapis rolled her eyes, and sat up.  Pearl darted into the bathroom to gather her things.  Lapis followed her into the small room. 

Pearl was in front of the mirror, putting her toiletries into a neat little bag.  Lapis groaned into her back, and wrapped her arms around Pearl’s waist in a sad sort of hug.  Pearl laughed. 

“What are you doing?”

Lapis removed her head from Pearl’s back to see her smiling fondly at her.  She blushed. 

“I dunno.  I just feel a little clingy.” she mumbled into Pearl’s shoulder.  

Pearl smiled, resting her head against Lapis’s.  “I know.”  They stood there for a moment.  “Lapis?” 

“Hm?” 

“Love you.”

She brushed Lapis’s bangs to the side and planted a kiss there. 

Lapis giggled. Pearl smiled, then went back to packing up her things.  She left the bathroom, and Lapis, with nothing better to do, trailed after her. 

She went to her bag and tucked the toiletry bag inside of it.  “There.  I think that’s everything.” 

Lapis sat back down on her bed, folding her hands in her lap.  Pearl hesitated, but then sat down beside her with a gentle thunk.  Lapis could feel her hip pressing into her own. 

Carefully Pearl reached over for her hand, lacing their fingers together.  Lapis bit her lip.

“I-I feel like things are different.” she said. 

“How so?” Pearl asked, eyes staring at Lapis. 

“I just- this is stupid.”  she shook her head.  Pearl frowned. 

“ _Lapis._ ” 

The blue-haired girl swallowed.  “I’ve never felt…the way I feel for you, for anyone, _ever_.  I don’t know. It’s…scary.” 

Pearl’s breath ghosted against her cheek. 

“Why?” she asked softly.  Lapis swallowed again.

“Because. Now, if we- if we broke up-I don’t…I don’t know what I’d do.” 

“We’re not going to.” 

“You don’t know that.  You can’t know that.”  Pearl shook her head.  “Because I feel the same about you.” 

Lapis bit her lip.  She was silent for a long time. 

“You’d break me, you know that.  I love you.  And if I lost you, I’d break.” Lapis murmured.  She stared up at Pearl.  Her blue eyes were unreadable. Slowly Pearl spoke.

“ _You_ would break me. You've been my first… _everything_.  You could destroy me, but I’m trusting you to not. A-and I promise that you can trust me too.  I won’t hurt you Lapis.  I promise.” Pearl said softly.

Her eyes were soft and watery and honest, and in that moment, Lapis believed her more than anyone ever. 

“I believe you.” she said, her throat hoarse. 

Pearl smiled, and her eyes were wet.  She held out her arms and Lapis blinked, before realizing that she was offering a hug.  She fell into them willingly.  Pearl pulled her against her chest, fingers smoothing through her hair, and Lapis let out a sigh. 

This was right. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's been sooooo long since I've updated and I'm so sorrrrrrrry. :( Basically college has been kicking my butt. But things are getting more under control, and the semester's half over, so. It's all good. 
> 
> I really liked writing this chapter. It was fun. 
> 
> Also, in the last chapter everyone got all worried about Lapis, and I just wanted to say that, don't worry, she's going to be fine! That was just Pearl being a bit crazy. I always worry that I and people I care about are going to die at random moments for no good reason, so I kind of think Pearl would be the same way. Idk. 
> 
> Anyway, I really don't know when I'll update again, but hopefully it'll be around a month or so! See you guys then!!


	15. life is a game of manipulation (but I don't want to play)

Pearl decided that she felt better inside than she ever had, and somehow it was showing.

There was more energy inside of her, and she couldn’t seem to bring herself to quit smiling. It was as though she was on an indefinite high, and didn’t know what to do with herself. Perhaps this was what happiness felt like.

She smiled to herself, quickly finishing up her chemistry notes.

It felt as if there had been a massive knot of stress inside her stomach, and now it was gone. That’s what being with Lapis did. She bit back a smile. Yes, that was certainly something it did.

Shyly she glanced over her shoulder, eyeing the blue-haired girl who was sitting across the study hall from her.

Lapis was reading a book, eyes intently flittering across the words. Pearl watched, eyes fixated on her, as Lapis tucked a bit of hair behind her ear. The movement made her silver earrings glint in the light.

She was dressed in almost the same way as she always was, in a dark navy blue blouse, tight black jeans, and a black leather jacket, the one with all the silver studs. Her eyes were rimmed with layers of eyeliner and purple eyeshadow, all dark.

Her dark colored lips pursed into a frown as her eyes ran across the pages. Rhythmically Lapis tapped her heeled boot against the tile floor.

Pearl stared at her, the grip on her pencil tightening.

Oh stars. She was so… _hot_.

She shifted, letting her hand rest against her cheek. That girl…that girl was her girlfriend.

How that had happened, Pearl wasn’t fully certain. It was insane. She _kissed_ that girl.

The girl that was the terror of the school, the girl whom no one knew what to make of, that girl was Pearl’s. That girl would wrap her arms around Pearl’s shoulders and hug her close, and kiss her stupid.

She was Pearl’s…girlfriend. She loved her. And it was actually real.

Pearl smiled to herself, turning back to her notebook. This was good.

                                                                                                                                        -:-

  
Lapis sighed, as she turned the page of her literature textbook.

There was hardly any point of doing this anymore. A headache was blossoming at the base of her skull, and the words were seeming to make less sense than they normally did. That meant it was time to do something else. She closed her book with a small sigh.

Suddenly she felt someone’s eyes on her.

She glanced over to find Pearl staring at her, and their eyes met from across the room. Both their cheeks warmed simultaneously, and Lapis quickly looked away. A small smile threatened to curve up at her lips.

That was silly. But she couldn’t help it. Against her better judgement she had to look up again.

Pearl was back to writing in her notebook, attention once more diverted. Lapis took the opportunity to stare at her.

Her thin hand flew across the paper, by far making the most noise in the tomb-like study hall save, perhaps, the boy that was snoring two seats behind Lapis.

She had repainted her nails, this time a light violet color instead of the normal pink. Pearl oddly wasn’t wearing a sweater that day, leaving her arms bare. She was just wearing a plain yellow dress that had tiny bit of lace trim on the edges, and she had clipped her bangs away from her forehead with a small silver barrette.

It showed more of her face than normal, and was quite pretty, Lapis realized.

She had on some sort of silver charm bracelet and she kept pausing to fidget with it. Her lips kept pursing into a little pout as she worked.

Lapis couldn’t look away from her.

She was just…adorable, pretty, perfect, Lapis didn’t know anymore. There was something inherently crazy about thinking that Pearl was her girlfriend. That someone as pretty and hard working and smart as her would ever want anything to do with Lapis.

That she actually chose to spend time with Lapis, and kiss her, and be with her. Pearl was someone that she had never even imagined would like her.

Lapis wanted to say that she remembered seeing her from before they were friends, but she didn’t. Surely she had known of her, but if she had, she didn’t remember it. It wouldn’t have mattered anyway.

Pearl was the type of girl that she would’ve seen and thought so pretty, and then never, ever tried to talk to.

 

Because she knew better.

 

Those girls never wanted to be Lapis’s friend. They didn’t like that Lapis wore so much makeup and pants, and their mothers didn't like that her hair was blue.

 

Lapis could remember a girl in her kindergarten class.

She had white shoes and pink dresses and long blonde hair. Lapis remembered she had thought her so pretty.

They had been friends for a little while in kindergarten. Lapis always wanted to hold hands as they played, but the other girl never did.

 

They weren’t friends for very long.

 

Her mother had come to pick up her daughter, and seen the two of them holding hands.  She had gazed at Lapis with a look that she had never forgotten.

She had been only five years old, but Lapis had known very clearly what it meant.

_  
Don’t you dare go near my daughter. Don’t you infect her with whatever you're got._

 

They didn’t have another play date after that.

Lapis sat on the other side of the kindergarten classroom for the rest of the year, and watched her play with the other girls.

She sighed, picking at the corner of her black nail polish. That was why it was such a hard thing for her to believe, to believe that Pearl could actually like her.

She glanced over at her again, watching her busily work.

But she _did_ , and that was what was important. She really, truly did.

Pearl looked up from her notes, and their eyes met again. Lapis flushed a little bit, but she didn’t look away this time. Pearl gave her a tiny smile.

Lapis grinned back.

Pearl blushed hard and looked away, but Lapis could see her trying to hide her smile as she wrote. Lapis smiled to herself and reached into her bag for another textbook, when suddenly the PTA system crackled overhead.

 

_“Would Lapis Coren please report to the principle’s office.”_

 

Immediately everyone’s eyes darted to her.

She rolled her eyes, before gathering up her stuff. This time she really didn’t have a clue what she’d done. But it hardly mattered.

Lapis stood from her seat, and noticed Pearl staring at her, eyes wide and worried. Her stomach twisted. She hated that she was making her worry.

So, despite the growing stress in her stomach, she smiled at her, and winked, before she turned out of the room.

Her heels clicked against the floor as she passed.

                                                                                                                                   -:-

  
It turned out that she didn’t even have to sit down in the uncomfortable chairs outside of the principle’s office, because there was someone waiting on her. The door was left open, and she went in.

The principal was there, sitting at his desk, and appeared to be in a foul mood. There was another person there, a tall, pale woman in a suit.

Her hair was long and black, draping down past her shoulder blades. Everything about her was sharp, from her heels to her eyeliner. Lapis bit back a groan. This was not about to be pleasant.

She was Obsidian, who was her mother’s personal assistant, and handled all the things that her mother didn’t have time for. Lapis fell into that catagory.

To say that Lapis did not like her would be being kind. Lapis was not feeling kind.

Obsidian cleared her throat, coming immediately straight to task. Lapis spoke before her. “What do you want?” she asked flatly, crossing her arms.  Obsidian remained expressionless, betraying no emotion.

“I’m here to pick you up from school.”

It was not a question. Behind her the principal sat, silent.

Lapis sighed, brushing her bangs from her eyes. “I don’t have a say in this, do I.”

Obsidian eyed her flatly. “No.” It was almost funny how flatly she said it.

A bit of protest bubbled at her throat, but Lapis swallowed it down. She was right. Lapis didn’t have a say in this at all.

With a crisp nod at the principal, Obsidian led Lapis out of the office, and down the hall.

                                                                                                                              -:-

  
Pearl had absolutely no idea what to do.

When Lapis’s name had come over through the PTA she had been shocked. Lapis had been too, Pearl had seen the shock on her face.  And then Lapis had winked at her! If that was her ridiculous attempt at humor, then she had another thing coming to her.

Pearl bit her lip. Now she was stuck in English, and Lapis still wasn’t there. And her worries were multiplying.

What if Lapis had gotten suspended? Things like that ruined college acceptance by a wide margin.

What if the school knew something about them being together? What if-

She swallowed, cutting herself off before she started to spiral. This wasn’t helping anything.

The English teacher was talking about something, likely something important, but she wasn’t able to focus. Pearl was too worried to even take notes. She sat there and did nothing but fidget through the entire class period. Finally, after what felt like an eternity, the bell rang. Pearl practically jumped straight out of her chair.

She waited in the halls, till everyone was gone, but there was still no Lapis. Pearl bit her lip, feeling tears welling up in her eyes. A wave of massive frustration washed over her. She hated feeling…helpless like this.

Pearl swallowed, and took a deep breath. Lapis wasn’t even here. Maybe she was at her house. If she had gotten suspended then they would’ve sent her home. Yes, that was it.

She exhaled, calming herself. She was just about to leave when a voice called out from behind her.

“Yo P! What’re you still doin’ here? This place is empty!”

Pearl flushed uncomfortably. “Oh..um…nothing. What are you doing here?”

Amethyst walked up to her with a large shrug of her shoulders. “I got basketball practice. Got out early today though. You weren’t waiting on me though right?”

Pearl blinked with confusion. “No…why would I be?”

Amethyst looked up at her. “You’re comin’ over to study with me and Garnet today, right? I thought at least you’d remember, since you had to change the time like four times.” Pearl winced.  Between ballet practice, homework, and the chores her mother had for her, Pearl had let her friends slip for quite a long time. 

“I-I’m so sorry…I completely forgot.” she said, shutting her eyes.

Amethyst laughed in that dry way of hers. “I swear I think you’d forget your head if weren’t attached to your shoulders.”

Pearl managed a small laugh at that. “Probably.” she admitted. Amethyst glanced at her cautiously.

“So you wanna go over to Garnet’s place now?”

Pearl smiled, and nodded. “Yes. Let’s go.”

She tried her best to hide her worry. It was fine. She’d just check on Lapis afterwards. Besides, spending some time with her friends would calm her down. She followed Amethyst out of the school and tried to repress her frown.

                                                                                                                                             -:-

Obsidian had led her out of the high school and into a black sudan that was entirely too new looking. They both got in, the older woman sitting across from Lapis, her eyes piercing into her own.   Lapis met them head on, unwavering.

“What does my mother want now?” she asked, crossing her arms.

Obsidian’s dark eyes softened exactly none. “Your mother has a new client that she wishes to…impress. She is having an event tonight in New York and she wants you to be there.”

Lapis snorted. “Are you serious?”

Obsidian looked at her flatly.

Lapis sighed. Yes, she was.

“All right, fine. But couldn’t you have just waited till after school?” Obsidian arched an eyebrow. “No. We have far too many things to get done before hand.”

“Such as?” Lapis asked, annoyed.

The dark haired woman pursed her lips, eyes studying Lapis critically. “You certainly can’t come near your mother’s _professional_ business looking like…that.”

Lapis scowled. “And what exactly is wrong with what I have on?” A hint of annoyance twitched at Obsidian’s mouth. “Must you really ask? That makeup, those clothes, none of it is appropriate in any way. And I can’t even imagine what made you think dying your hair like that was a good idea.”

Her hands clenched. “So what exactly are we doing?”

Obsidian flicked her long hair over one shoulder. “Making you at least _appear_ appropriate. You’ll need to fix your clothes, get all of that foul makeup off, and we’ll have to do something with your hair.”  She eyed Lapis sharply. “The less you complain, the less painful this will be for the both of us.”

She folded her hands neatly in her lap, her expression almost daring Lapis to question her.

Lapis didn’t. There was no point.

She just crossed her arms and flopped back against the car seat with an angry scowl.

                                                                                                                                              -:-

  
Pearl was silent the entire way over to Garnet’s dorm.

Amethyst tried several times to make conversation, but Pearl didn’t have the heart for it, so she quit trying. Garnet opened the door to them with a smile, glasses glinting in the  harsh sunlight.

Amethyst grinned, giving the older, much taller woman a big hug. Pearl hesitated too long, so Garnet leaned over and hugged her first.

She felt a little bit better. Even though they were all in vastly different classes they still studied together, as they had for years. It was a mix of talking, studying, and helping one another with homework, although Pearl still adamantly refused to do Amethyst’s math homework for her.

They sat on the floor in a sort of half circle, books open around them. Garnet and Amethyst were talking, but Pearl was just sort of sitting there, trying to read a textbook, but not really managing to do it.

The words floated through her brain, but she couldn’t make herself pay attention to them.

Suddenly a voice jolted her out of her thoughts.

“Pearl! You on Earth?”

She blinked once or twice. “Oh..um…yes?” she mumbled, looking up guiltily. Amethyst and Garnet were both looking at her curiously. At least she guessed that Garnet was looking at her, she couldn’t see through her tinted glasses.

“You all right Pearl?” Garnet asked quietly. Pearl forced a smile. “Yes, of course. I’m just a little tired, that’s all.”

Amethyst snorted. “Yeah, right. Like you ever get tired. Forget it P, we know something’s bothering you. You haven’t said a word this whole time.” She looked at Pearl, her eyes a little more earnest than normal, and she felt a bit bad.

Pearl swallowed around the lump in her throat. This was harder than she thought. “I- um…it’s just ah…I’m worried about— Lapis.” she managed to force out.

Amethyst looked confused. “Why?”

Pearl’s hands clenched in her skirt. They shouldn’t be that sweaty. Quickly she wiped them dry.

Amethyst’s eyes softened a little bit. “Lapis, so she’s still…you’re still, um-“

“Yes. We’re still…”. she swallowed, the word feeling stuck in her throat. “She’s my girlfriend.” she blurted out, immediately turning red.

Amethyst laughed, and a small smile curved at Garnet’s lips.

“Good for you.” Garnet said with a small grin. Pearl bit back a smile. “I know…it’s been wonderful. She’s been wonderful.” she admitted softly.

Amethyst grinned. “So why are you so mopey?”

Pearl’s smile faltered.

“I know it’s stupid…today at school she got called to the principal's office and she didn’t come back to classes. I don’t know what happened, a-and I’m really worried.”

Amethyst stared at her before she snorted. “Oh, come on P! I know you’re a huge worry wart, but _please_. That’s not even bad. I thought it’d be like you thought she was cheating on you or somethin’. I can’t even count the times I’ve been to that hard ass of a principal’s office this _month_.”

She ran a hand through her long hair, flipping it out of her face.

“You need ta chill. She probably just ditched. I know I would've.”

Pearl sighed, rubbing at her eyes. “I know. I know. I just…ugh.” She ran a hand along her arm, suddenly wishing that she had worn a sweater that day.

“Pearl?” Amethyst said suddenly.

“Hm?”

“Lapis is…treating you good, right?”

Pearl looked up at that. “Yes. She…always has.” Amethyst nodded.

“What makes you ask that?” Pearl asked cautiously.

Amethyst glanced over at Garnet before she answered.  Her eyes were cautious. “It’s just…you’ve never done this before. And it would be really…easy for someone to, you know.”

Pearl’s brow furrowed. “What? Take advantage of me?”

Amethyst nodded again. Her eyes were wide, and filled with more caring than Pearl was used to.

“You just…really care about people. And we don’t want Lapis to break your heart. Like…you know.” she trailed off.

Pearl shut her eyes. “Like Rose.”

They were all silent. Finally Garnet spoke. “We just want you to be happy. If Lapis is what makes you happy, then we want you to be with her.” she said quietly.

Amethyst smirked, nodding. “Yeah. ‘Cause there’s seriously nothin' more depressing than watchin' you sit around all depressed.” she said with a grin.

Pearl rolled her eyes. “Thanks.” she said flatly.

Amethyst laughed. “And, if she ever does break your heart, then you just come and get us. And then we’ll go kill her for you.”

Pearl smiled dryly. “I'm not certain if that’s sweet, or just scary.” Amethyst grinned, flopping onto her back.

“Soooo sweet. _Duh_.”

That made them all laugh.

Amethyst sat up and crossed her legs underneath herself. There was mischievous glint in her eye. “So, is she a good kisser?”

Pearl flushed bright pink. “Amethyst!”

Amethyst shrugged unapologetically. “I wanna know!”

Pearl stared down at her lap. “…I suppose very good.” she mumbled. Amethyst laughed.

“I bet.  Can you imagine how fucking with her would be?”

Pearl stared down, very fixated on her nail polish. She really needed to repaint them, they were starting to look rather chippy. She tried to not let her cheeks get any redder.

Amethyst gasped, and she winced. “ _No._   _Way._ You’ve had sex with Lapis!?”

Pearl glanced up, practically chewing a hole through her lip. Amethyst smirked victoriously.

“Oh. My. Stars. You have!”

Pearl wished that she could just melt into the floor.

“I-I…suppose.” she muttered finally.

“Where were you? What was it like? When did this happen?”

Pearl shrugged desperately.

“I-I don’t know! Good, I-I guess?”

Amethyst sniggered. “I’ll bet.”

Beside them Garnet was trying to hide her laugh behind her hand. Pearl looked at her, desperate. “Garnet! _Please_ , help me!”

Garnet muffled a chuckle. “I’m actually curious myself.”

Pearl buried her face in her hands. “Now you both are just mocking me.”

Amethyst shrugged. “Kinda. I still wanna know what kind of moves Lapis has got.” Pearl frowned.

“ _Good_ ones.”

Amethyst arched an eyebrow. “ _Oooo_.”

Pearl let out a huff of frustration. “You two are not going to let this go, are you?”

Garnet shook her head. “Nope.” Pearl sighed, giving in. “Fine.”

Amethyst and Garnet both leaned forward with interest. Pearl swallowed.

“Um…it was last Friday. We were at her house. I was…um…spending the night.”

“Ooo. That’s sexy.”

Pearl frowned at Amethyst.

“It was a sleepover thing, okay!  And  I just…I was feeling really…insecure, and I started…crying. It was quite horrible. I thought that I’d ruined everything. But then…Lapis was really sweet. She said these really nice things. And then we-we talked about it. We said that we could try it…and it just sort of…happened.”

Against her will a little smile curled at her lips, at the memory of the night.

“Aw…that’s really cute. I gotta say though, Lapis is pretty smooth.” Amethyst said, a foggy look in her eyes. Pearl snorted.

“Not really. She can be sort of a goof sometimes.” A fond smile grew on her lips.

Garnet and Amethyst watched her, gentle expressions on their faces. Pearl glanced up at them, suddenly self-conscious. “What?”

Garnet smiled, shaking her head. “You. You’re so smitten with her, it’s ridiculous.”

Pearl smiled into her lap, but didn’t deny it. There was no point. Because it was true. She looked up at them both, a firm smile in place.

“Now, if we’ve all done with my love life, I think we have work we need to be doing.”

Amethyst stuck her tongue out at her. “Party pooper.”

“Yep. Now get to work.” Pearl smiled to herself.

                                                                                                                                    -:-

  
Lapis bit back a loud sigh. She couldn’t help but wriggle slightly, and a sharp flick pierced against the skin of her neck.

“Ow!”

“Miss, I will not _ever_ be able to finish my work if you do not keep still!”

Lapis shut her eyes. “Yes. Sorry.”

Behind her she could hear Obsidian grumbling. She kept her eyes shut and simply focused on keeping still, which was surprisingly difficult. The dressmaker hummed under her breath, darting around Lapis’s body that was currently draped in fabric and perched upon a stool.

Lapis was very far from being in a good mood. Her mother wanted her to be fitted for “ _proper clothing_ ” as she called it, and so Lapis had been stuck as a mannequin for now over an hour.

She was being fitted for a dress that the dressmaker had already made, and then once she had made the proper adjustments to Lapis’s own figure, would finish it in time for the evening’s events.

It was a gorgeous dress, falling to the fashionable just-above the knee length, and made from a dark blue silk. Glittering stones were sown around the low-cut collar and they easily  caught the light in the small room. It was a dress that was certain to draw heads.

Lapis absolutely hated it.

The waist pinched, the top piece was far too glittery, and the entire thing was terrible. But there was nothing that she could do. It was the dress that her mother had picked, and that was the dress that she was wearing, whether she liked it or not.

Finally they finished, and Obsidian hauled her off to the next stop. They had gotten shoes, and then gotten all of her chipped nails fixed and neatly repainted. If nothing else, Obsidian was thorough. Lapis felt as though her face would be permanently cemented into a frown after this.

And now it was finally time for the stop that she had been dreading the most. The hair dresser’s chair was always ridiculously slick and uncomfortable, and the fact that she was slowly getting madder and madder didn’t help anything.

The hairdresser messed at her hair critically, making annoying little hms every few moments. Lapis scowled at her reflection.

“This-this is simply dreadful. Who in the world cut your hair last?” she asked with a note of destain.

“ _I_ did.” Lapis said with a scowl.

“Hm…”

Lapis scowled harder.

“Well, it’s rather a hopeless cause, but I’ll see what I can do.”

Lapis glared up at her. “Don’t put yourself out.”

The woman ignored her, and got to work. The only thing that Lapis appreciated about that woman was that she didn’t dye her hair back to blonde. That had been the way Obsidian had wanted it, but they would’ve had to bleach, and the woman said there wasn’t enough time. And Lapis had breathed a sigh of relief. They had decided on black, which, while still bad, was bearable.

The entire thing took far too long. She hated the feeling of the woman’s hands in her hair. After she had finished re-dying her hair, she went in and clipped extensions into her short bob, making it appear as though her hair was long enough to fall past her shoulders.

The extensions itched against her neck.

Carefully she brushed through it all, helping it to blend together. Finally she finished, turning Lapis around so that she could see herself.

She just stared. There was a face in that mirror, and in the back of her mind she knew that it had to be her. But it didn’t feel as though it was her. As if it could be her. She still wore her same clothes from earlier, but it wasn’t her.

This girl was pretty, black curls falling around her face. She was perfect. And she wasn’t Lapis.

This person was so far removed from who she was, who she wanted to be, there wasn’t a bridge between them.

Tears welled at her eyes.

This was what they wanted. Her mother wanted this. Jasper wanted this.

Even Pearl, sweet darling Pearl, even _she_ would probably be happier if she looked like this. If this… _person_ was who she was. If she wasn’t such a freak.

Lapis shut her eyes, swallowing back tears. She would never be something that anyone wanted. She was always going to be a freak. Because she liked having short blue hair, and wearing black from head to toe.

But she’d be hated because of it. Even her mother didn’t like her.

Her hands clutched at the arms of the chair, as she carefully stood. There was something inside her, that felt as though it broke in two. She looked over at her reflection, that reflection of perfection, and exhaled.

Slowly she went back out to the car.

                                                                                                                                        -:- 

  
Lapis didn’t pay much attention to anything after that.

A woman painted her face with makeup, but she ignored it. Someone helped her put on the new fancy dress, and button up the back, but she ignored it. They handed her a pair of high stilettos, and she normally would’ve laughed.

She put them on her feet, expressionless.

Once again she stood in front of the mirror. There was nothing there.

She was defeated. This wasn’t her.

This beautiful person wasn’t her. But she couldn’t even scream. All she wanted to do was cry. But she couldn’t to that, because it might mess up her makeup, and then Obsidian would yell.

So she just stood and stared, and bit down on her cheek till she tasted blood.

                                                                                                                                         -:-

  
Pearl left Amethyst and Garnet feeling far bettter than when she had come.

Her entire body felt brighter, lighter. Happier. She was suddenly very grateful that she had friends like that.

The wind gusted lightly against her skin and she shivered, although the weather was warming and the air wasn't all that cold. She ran a hand over her hair, smoothing it down. A faint smile curved at her lips, the fading sunlight shining warmth down on her cheeks.

Suddenly she desperately wanted to talk to Lapis.

She wanted to hug her.

That was a strange thing to want. But, never less, she wanted to.

She glanced down at her watch. It was five-thirty. Her mother would be expecting her. She didn't have the time.

Pearl exhaled. Suddenly she found that she didn't care that much. She wanted to see Lapis before the day was over.

And she knew that if she went home, then her chance would  be over. Pearl straightened. Filled with a wild rush of determination, she set off to Lapis's house.

                                                                                                                                         -:-

  
Pearl carefully went to Lapis's looming front door. Frankly her house was just terrifying. Lapis had told her that was because that was how her mother wanted to seem: terrifying and always looming.

At the time Pearl had thought privately that perhaps she just wanted to live in a haunted house. Because that would be that only type of person who would ever want to live in a place such as this.

Pearl rang the doorbell and waited a moment. There was silence.

No one answered. Nothing moved.

She waited.

Then, after perhaps even five minutes of waiting, quiet little footsteps came clipping to the door. The huge door opened with a small squeak.

"Lapis I-" she stopped, because the person who answered was not Lapis.

An older grey-haired woman smiled back at her, dressed in a neatly pressed maids uniform. Pearl blushed.

"Oh, I'm sorry. I thought you were someone else." she said, embarrassed.

The woman just smiled kindly. "Hello dear. I'm just the housekeeper. Is there anything I might help you with?"

Pearl nodded. "Is Lapis here?"

The woman shook her head apologetically. "I'm afraid not dear."

Pearl bit her lip, bubble being to feel burst.

"Do you know when she might be back?" she asked hopefully. The woman shook her head. "No, I'm afraid that I don't. Although, it's likely she'll be here soon. She doesn't normally stay out all that late."

Pearl smiled a little sadly. "All right. Well, thank you anyway."

The woman nodded, smiling a bit regretfully, and then went back inside. Pearl stood on the porch, the breeze rustling her skirts.

Now she didn't know what to do. She wanted to see Lapis.

Because, no matter how many times Amethyst told her that she was being clingy, she knew she wouldn't be able to relax till she knew Lapis was all right. She just couldn't help herself.

Pearl glanced around the street that Lapis lived on. The street that Lapis lived on was a pretty one, lined with trees and large, pretty houses, all just like Lapis's, only Lapis's house was by far the biggest.

Her hands tightened. She just couldn't go home.

So she sat down on the steps of the porch, smoothed down her skirts, and waited.

 

She waited for too long. Her mother was going to kill her.

But it didn't matter. Pearl rubbed at her arms, which were now chilled with the cold air of nightfall. The creeping edges of darkness were just starting to lurk around the rim of the sky, and Pearl realized that she wouldn't be able to sit there all night long.

Lapis wasn't coming home.

But the worst part was that now she was more worried than if she hadn't come at all. Where was Lapis? This was crazy, she couldn't just be _gone_.

People didn't just disappear.

 

Unless the principal had done something to her.

What if she-

 

Pearl kicked herself. No. She wasn't going to start trying imagine how their principal had secretly murdered Lapis and buried her out on the soccer field.

That was ludicrous, even for one of her worry fantasies. Besides, there was no way that the principal would be able to take down Lapis. She'd murder him.

Pearl half laughed to herself. She was tired, and cold and now rather depressed. It was time to go home.  She stood up from the steps, and just as she was about to leave, a dark car pulled up to the front of Lapis's house.

The car glinted and gleamed in the fading light. Pearl's hands clenched. The door of the car opened, and just as Pearl's hopes were rising they instantly deflated.

The girl wasn't Lapis.

Her hair was a dark, gleaming black, long enough to brush her shoulders. Her lips were painted red, and her dark blue dress shone with the gems sewn into the fabric. Her feet were perched on delicate black stilettos, and her neck and wrist glinted with shiny jewelry.

Then she blinked, as the girl saw her, and her face was visible for the first time.

Pearl swallowed a gasp.

It _was_ Lapis.

Their eyes met. It was Lapis. It was her face, but it wasn't her. It was so... _wrong_.

Lapis stared at her, and, it seemed as thought she were petrified at the sight of her. Then, breaking the silence, the car honked. Lapis blinked rapidly several times.

Questions immediately began to bubble at Pearl's lips. "Lapis...what's going-"

Lapis cut her off, quickly pushing past her to the front door. Pearl turned, confused.

"Come on." Lapis mumbled, before darting into the house. Pearl followed her, beyond being confused.

They went up to Lapis's room, Lapis running ahead of her, refusing to even look at her. Pearl followed her inside her dark room, and flicked on the overhead light.

Lapis was rummaging through her dresser, with her back to Pearl.

"Lapis I- what's going on? Are you all right?" she asked worriedly. Suddenly there was a quiet sniffle. Then Lapis suddenly let out a muffled sob. Pearl's heart wrenched.

She instantly hurried over to Lapis, tucking her into her arms. Lapis let out a sob, falling into her chest. Pearl ran a hand through her strangely long hair, and Lapis buried her face into her chest.

"Shhh. It'll be okay." she murmured softly, still having no idea what was happening. All she knew that Lapis was desperately upset, and she was having a hard time not crying herself.

Suddenly Lapis looked up from her chest, cheeks wet with tears. "What's wrong?" Pearl asked her quietly.

Lapis sniffed. "I'm going to ruin my makeup." she said with a sort of wail, and then promptly started crying again.

Pearl pulled her closer. Gently, she tugged Lapis over to her bed, and they both sat down on the bedquilt. Pearl ran a hand through Lapis's hair, urging her to look at her.

"Hey, hey. Lapis...please. Are you all right?"

Lapis stared up at her, her eyes wide and watery. She looked away, wiping at her eyes carefully, now embarrassed. "Yes..I'm fine. I'm sorry, this is stupid. I'm stupid." She tried to stand, but Pearl tugged her back into her arms.

"No. You have to tell me what's wrong."

She cupped Lapis's cheek with her hand. Lapis covered her hand with her own. Her eyes were wide and vulnerable without all the eyeliner that she always wore. Pearl stared at her hair.

"Lapis, what happened to your hair?"

Lapis stared at her, took a big sniffle, and then more fat tears began to spill over her cheeks. Pearl shook her head quickly. "Oh, no, no, I didn't mean that it looks bad, it's beautiful, I just-"

She shook her head. "I didn't want to change it. She made me."

Pearl's eyebrows pressed together. "Who did?"

Another few tears ran down Lapis's cheeks. "My mother. She wants to show me off at a dinner tonight. I've had to spent all day running around, getting fixed for it."

Pearl frowned. "What do you mean, getting _fixed_."

Lapis smiled wryly, and tugged at her hair. "Getting fixed." She gestured to her dress. "Getting fixed." She sighed, her shoulders sagging. "Fixing everything about me that my mother doesn't like. So, like everything."

She laughed mirthlessly. Pearl didn't laugh at all.

"There is nothing that needs to be fixed with you." she said fiercely. Lapis laughed again. "Don't tell my mother that."

Pearl shook her head. "No. There is nothing that needs to be fixed, or changed, or anything. You're perfect."

Lapis stared down at her shoes. "No...Pearl, I'm not. Nobody thinks that. Everyone knows that I'm nothing but a gay freak."

Pearl frowned. "That is not true."

"Yes, Pearl. It is. You might as well just accept it."

Pearl hated the tone of her voice. Sad and defeated. That was not the way that Lapis sounded. A rush of anger pounded through her. Suddenly she moved forward, pressing her lips against Lapis's in a hard kiss.

Lapis gasped, but Pearl ignored it. Her hands moved to cradle Lapis's face, her neck. Lapis melted into her, hands running through her hair.

"You. Are. Not. A. Freak." she spoke, every word divided by a kiss. She moved kissing every part of her face. Her cheeks, her nose, her eyes, salty from tears, and then back to her lips again.

"You are beautiful. You are kind, and funny, and smart, and amazing, and I love you. You're not going to think, or say those horrible things about yourself. I-I love you too much. You just can't." she spilled out, a little desperately.

Lapis stared at her a little bit incredulously. “Pearl, I-I don’t- I-“

“Please. I know that you don't think I’m telling you the truth. But I am. I mean every word that I'm saying. Lapis, I promise that I mean it. I love you. And I think that you’re perfect. I don’t want you to change. I want you to stay exactly who you are.”

Lapis stared at her, and and her eyes wobbled with unfallen tears. Suddenly she gasped, and started to sob again into Pearl’s chest. Pearl hugged her tight, running her fingers through her hair.

Gently she kissed the crown of Lapis’ head.

“I don’t know what I ever did to deserve you.” Lapis gasped through her sobs. Pearl laughed.

“And I don’t know what I did to deserve you.”

Lapis laughed into her chest. “I’m never going to stop crying.” she said, wiping her eyes and looking up from her chest. Pearl stared down at her, and ran a hand through her dark hair.

“It’s all okay.” A smile curved at her lips. “You _do_ look beautiful like this though.”

Blush dusted Lapis’s cheeks. She stared down at the sheets. “I look tacky. I hate having long hair.” She tugged at a strand of the dark hair, glaring at it. Pearl laughed.

“It’s beautiful. But I did really like it when it was short. It floats around your face, like this fluttery blue cloud. I'll admit I almost didn't recognize you without the blue.”

Lapis smiled wryly. “Me too. I don’t think I’d recognize _myself_ if I looked in a mirror right now.” Pearl smiled suddenly.

“Let’s go look.”

She stood up, tugging Lapis with her. Half-heartedly she followed Pearl into the bathroom.

Pearl flicked on the lights, casting the small room into light. Lapis hesitated in the doorway. Pearl took her hand and gently tugged her into the center of the room. They stood in front of the mirror, reflections staring back at them.

Pearl looked pale and tired, but she still smiled at her girlfriend's reflection. Lapis stared at herself, and it wasn't obvious that she had just been crying. Hesitantly Pearl wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

It was sort of funny, seeing them together. Pearl realized in the back of her mind that she had never seen how they looked together.

They both looked rather sad, although Lapis wasn’t as unhappy as she had seemed a few moments before. Pearl had never realized just how much taller she was than Lapis. The top of Lapis’s head barely came up to Pearl’s shoulder.

The gems sewn onto Lapis’s dress gleamed in the faint light. Pearl carefully wrapped her arms around Lapis’s waist, pulling her against her own chest. Lapis’s head tucked perfectly into the crook of her neck.

“You’re the perfect height for hugging.” Pearl said softly into her ear.

Lapis glanced up at her, her long dark eyelashes hiding half her eyes. “I love you.”

Pearl’s breath hitched in her throat. Lapis continued on without an answer. “I don’t know how you’re here. N-no one’s ever here. I’m always alone like this. I-I always just cry alone.”

She paused, carefully wiping at the corner of her eye. “I-I don’t understand how someone like you could care about me.” she murmured, almost to herself.

Pearl frowned. “What do you mean, someone like me?”

Lapis twisted in her arms to face her. Her cold fingers traced along the edge of Pearl’s cheeks, touch like a ghost. Her eyes were far away.

“Someone who is kind. And pretty, and sweet and beautiful and perfect, and who actually cares about me.” she said, voice breathless and soft.

Pearl shook her head. “Lapis…I-I-“ she stopped, at a complete loss for words.

Lapis smiled wryly.

Suddenly a car honked from outside, and Lapis winced. “I have to go.” she mumbled softly. Her cold hand clutched at Pearl’s bare arms a little desperately.

“What is it?” Pearl asked.

“I’d give anything to stay here with you.” Lapis said, looking up at her. Pearl smiled sadly. “But you can’t.”

Lapis shook her head. “I can’t.”

“Go. And I’ll be waiting.”

“I won’t be back at school tomorrow. I don’t know when I’ll see you again. It could be days.” Her voice was miserable. Pearl smiled, and shook her head. “I’ll be waiting.”

Lapis sighed, hands still tight. “Pearl, I-“. Pearl laughed. “Lapis…I know.”

And then she leaned forward and kissed her, breathless and soft. It was short and quick, and then Pearl pulled away.

Lapis took a step back, her eyes wide, and turned to leave. Pearl followed her downstairs.

                                                                                                                               -:-

   
Outside the car was waiting.

The sky was now completely dark, the only light coming from the street light down the road. She could barely make out the silhouette of a tall woman inside the car.

She stood uncertainly, not knowing what to do. Lapis clutched at the strap of her bag, biting her lip. Pearl tried to smile at her reassuringly.

“It’ll all be fine.” she said, trying to sound cheery.

“I don’t want to get in that car Pearl.” She turned to Pearl with a desperate look on her face. Pearl tried her hardest to muster an encouraging smile, one that hid the fact that she currently wanted to cry.

Slowly she took a step towards her. She took Lapis's hands in her own.  They were ice cold. 

“You can do this. It doesn’t matter if you’re afraid, because that’s not what anyone's going to see.”

“They’ll see that I’ve spent the entire night crying.” Lapis said dryly, wiping at her eyes. Pearl shook her head.

“You're wrong.  They’ll say that you’re the most beautiful girl that they’ve ever seen in their lives. And they will all fall in love with you.” she said, a wide smile stretching across her face.

Lapis suddenly laughed at that, the night air ruffling her long black curls. Pearl swallowed. They stared at each other, and both knew that neither of them knew what to say. The car honked impatiently again, causing both of them to jump.

“You have to go.” Pearl said softly.

“I have to go.” Lapis repeated, just as quietly.

Her eyes felt as though they were pouring into Pearl, filling her to the brim with feelings that she thought she could drown in. Lapis bit her lip. Then suddenly she was rushing forward and kissing Pearl, and falling into her arms. Her fingers wound into Pearl’s hair, pulling her even closer onto her mouth.

Lapis kissed her passionately, with her lips moving like heaven against Pearl’s, and it was so wonderful Pearl almost started to cry. Their bodies were flush against one another, as they kissed, in the front drive of Lapis’s house, where anyone could have seen.

But at that moment Pearl didn’t care who saw them. She didn’t care about anything but Lapis.

The car honked again.

Slowly, regretfullly, Lapis pulled away from Pearl, and her eyes were damp again. Pearl smiled, and kissed her one last time.

“Knock them dead.” Pearl mumbled in her ear.

That made Lapis laugh, and that made everything worth it.

“I love you.” Lapis whispered, running a careful hand over her cheek, before she pulled away. With one last sad smile she got into the car. The windows were too tinted to see Lapis’s face through, but Pearl could see the silhouette of her shoulders and the curve of her neck.

She knew that Lapis was staring at her through the glass.

Then the car pulled out of the driveway, and into the night. Pearl watched it till it was out of sight. Then she sighed, and started home.

She was going to be in so much trouble.

                                                                                                                                        -:-

  
Lapis woke up the next morning in her own bed once again.

She got up, yanked the sheets off of herself, and went to the window. Carefully she pulled open the curtains, letting the sun pour into the room.

It didn’t make her smile.

She trudged to the bathroom.

Gazing tiredly in the mirror, she saw that most of her makeup was now smeared across her face, and everywhere. That's what she got for not taking it off before she flopped into bed the night before.

Lapis sighed. Slowly she began to wipe her face clean.

Once she finished, she just stood there. Her face was bare. She could see the small red scar on her cheek from a particularly bad pimple a few years before, now uncovered. Spatters of freckles all across her nose and cheeks.

Imperfect.

Her hands tightened into themselves. She turned and left the bathroom with her face still bare. Quickly she threw on a long pair of leggings and a white tee shirt that she had cut the bottom and sleeves off of, so that it was now a cropped tank top thing. She didn’t even bother to put on a bra.

There was just an overwhelming sense of not caring anymore in her mind. She slipped on a pair of flip flops and trudged downstairs.

                                                                                                                                -:-

  
After a minute of worrying about it, she called Pearl, who didn’t answer the phone. She left her a message, although it was mostly a mess of tired mumbling.

She then fixed herself a piece of toast with strawberry jelly and trudged into her backyard.

The birds were chirping overhead. The air was warm, sun shining brightly, but the grass was still wet with dew.

Lapis sat down on a metal bench in the back of the yard, underneath a tree’s shade. She nibbled on her piece of toast, jelly tasting too sweet in her mouth. She put it aside with a small sigh.

Quiet footsteps appeared up behind her.

She glanced up, to see Pearl walking up to her. She was smiling brightly. Something in Lapis’s stomach twisted.

Pearl was wearing a pair of cache shorts that day, and while they were certainly still a modest length, they fit her long legs nicely. With a pretty blue patterned blouse, and a little scarf tied in a knot around her neck, she was perfectly, simply beautiful.

The sun's rays shone around her face, and with the wide, happy smile on her face, she was radiant.

Lapis looked up at her.

“Hi!” She said, plopping down beside her on the bench.

“I-I didn’t mean for you to come over.” Lapis stuttered. Mentally she kicked herself.

 _That_ was the first thing she chose to say to her girlfriend. Not, _hello, hi, how are you, just, why are you here?_

But Pearl just laughed. “I know. But I absolutely wanted to see you. So I decided to come over. I-Is that alright?” Her eyes were hesitant. Lapis quickly nodded.

“Oh, yeah, definitely, of course.”

Pearl smiled, at her, and then leaned over, giving her a small kiss. She pulled away with a giggle. “You taste like strawberry jelly.”

Lapis blushed. “Oh. I-ah- had toast. S-sorry, that’s gross, I’m gross-“.

Pearl kissed her again.

She pulled back, a grin on her face. Lapis’s face felt as though it were on fire. Pearl smirked. “It’s so cute when you get flustered like that.”

Lapis hid her face in her hands. “Ugh….” Pearl giggled again.

 “So....how did it go?” Pearl asked, tone careful. Lapis took her hands away from her face, and sighed. “Fine, I guess.” she spoke with a dejected shrug of her shoulders. She didn't say anymore, and Pearl didn’t ask.

But her shoulders deflated a little, and Lapis felt bad. She seemed to actually care.

Slowly she shuffled herself a little bit closer to Pearl, and let her head fall against her shoulder. Pearl glanced over, and Lapis saw her smile again. Carefully Pearl wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

The weight of her body was warm against Lapis.

“I can’t believe your mother actually let you come over now.” she said suddenly. Pearl forced a smile. “Yes, well, we’re not talking very much right now. She’s…not happy with me.”

“Why?”

Pearl blushed.

“She was upset at how late I got home the other night.”

Lapis winced. “Oh. Pearl I’m so sorry, I didn’t-“

Pearl rolled her eyes. “ _Shush_. That was entirely my fault and my decision, not yours.”

Lapis shut her eyes. “Still though..I’m sorry.” Pearl shrugged gently, absently running her fingers through Lapis's hair.

“She didn’t ground you?”

Pearl shook her head. “My mother doesn’t ground me. She has...other forms of punishment.” Lapis arched an eyebrow. “Such as?”

A wry smile grew on Pearl’s lips. “She won’t speak to me until she’s not mad anymore. It’s worse than it sounds.” she said to Lapis’s dubious expression.

“I don’t know how you stand her.” Lapis said into her shoulder.

“She’s my mother. And I still love her, even if she does make me tired sometimes.”

Lapis shrugged. “You’re the nicest person alive.”

Pearl laughed. “Oh no. I’m really not.”

Lapis shook her head. “No. You are. The other night….that was one of the nicest things anyone’s ever done for me.” she said softly.

Pearl stared at her. “I meant it.”

Lapis shrugged. “No one has ever…listened to me before. No one’s seen me cry.” she said, her voice a whisper. “Except…”

“Me?”

Lapis nodded. “You.”

Pearl blinked.

“Oh.”

They sat there in silence for a little while. “I’m not going to let you be alone anymore Lapis. I promise.”

Lapis leaned into her neck, cuddling closer. Somehow, she believed her.

She didn’t believe what people said. It was a learned thing, from being let down over and over in her life, in one never-ending loop of disappointment. But she still, for some reason, believed Pearl.

Perhaps it was the way that the other girl was staring at her, so deeply and earnestly. It made her feel wanted. In a real way, not just one relating to desire.

Whenever Jasper looked at Lapis, her eyes had clouded over with lust, like a sort of animalistic, feral craving. It had made her feel less like a person and more like someone’s prey.

But the way Pearl looked at her, it made her feel like she was special. Beautiful. Like she was actually worth something.

Like she was loved.  

Pearl made her feel safe and warm and everything wonderful that she could think of.

Pearl’s voice jolted her from her thoughts. “You’re certain you’re all right though?” Her fingers brushed Lapis’s bangs gently from her eyes.

The smaller girl shrugged vaguely. “Sure. I-I was never that bad. I-I just had a meltdown last night. I’m sorry that you had to see that.” she said, laughing awkwardly. Pearl squeezed her shoulder.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed Lapis. I cry about everything, all the time. It’s not big deal.” she said easily. Lapis smiled faintly.

She curled into her girlfriend’s side, happy to let her continue playing with her hair, and just continuing to be near her. Lapis groaned into Pearl’s neck, making the other girl glance down at her.

“What is it?”

“Now I’m going to have to re-dye my hair and _everything_ …ugh.”

Pearl bit her lip. “You’re not leaving it black?”

Lapis tensed.

“No…I-I just-“

Perhaps Pearl liked her hair being a normal person’s color. Maybe she wanted Lapis to keep the black, and actually seem normal for once. But then Pearl shook her head.

“That’s-I’m glad.” she said, smiling slightly. Lapis looked up at her.

“You are?”

“I-I…yes. It’s not that the black isn’t gorgeous on you, because it is, it’s just that, well. The blue was just so pretty and everything. It made your eyes shine. I don’t know. That’s probably all ridiculous, I just-“ she stopped, blushing.

Lapis beamed up at her. “You’re probably the best girlfriend ever, you know that right?”

Pearl promptly turned as red as a beet.

“Oh-um-I-thank you?” It turned into a question at the end, and Lapis nodded.

“Yes. You are.”

She laughed to herself. “I would definitely kiss you right now, if I didn’t have such jelly breath.” Pearl blinked.

“Oh. Well. I don’t mind.” she said quietly. Lapis grinned, leaning forward, and kissed her. The sun was warm against her skin, and Pearl’s lips were soft against her own. They pulled apart with a quiet sigh.

Pearl’s eyes were dazed for a moment, before they suddenly focused on something over Lapis’s shoulder. Lapis turned to look at what she was looking at.

“Is that a hammock?” Pearl asked, and there was a note of excitement in her voice. Lapis glanced over at her. “Um….yeah.”

The hammock Pearl was apparently referring to hung from two trees near the edge of her large backyard. Pearl smiled brightly. “Ooh. I’ve always wanted to sit in one of those.”

Lapis blinked.

“Okay. You’re...welcome to it.”

Pearl grinned, and Lapis was surprised by her excitement. She stood up from the bench and darted over to it, clearly expecting Lapis to follow her with the same excitement. Lapis just stared at her, a little bit confused.

Pearl turned, and gestured for her to come over. Lapis sighed. But Pearl smiled at her brightly, and as much as Lapis tried to fight it, her happiness was infectious.

Tiredly she stood, and trudged over to Pearl.

It took them both several tries to sit down in the thing, once almost flipping it over and dumping themselves onto the ground. But Pearl was determined, and finally they both managed to get into a comfortable position.

Pearl lay behind her, letting Lapis’s head rest on her chest. Her arms hesitantly wound around Lapis’s shoulders, pulling her close. Lapis sighed into her shirt. Glancing up, there was an immensely happy expression on Pearl’s face.

“Isn’t this nice?”

Lapis rolled her eyes. “Yeah. You were right.”

Pearl grinned. “I know.”

Lapis laughed softly.

They sat there quietly, Pearl rubbing circles into her scalp, with Lapis trying hard not to fall asleep. But thoughts of the night before were still churning in her mind. She felt bad that she hadn’t wanted to talk to Pearl about it.

Pearl was the only one who actually seemed to care about her, and Lapis constantly shut her down.

She glanced up at the short-haired girl, who expression was peaceful and relaxed.

“Pearl.”

“Hmm.”

Lapis’s fingers traced lazy circles on Pearl’s bare arm. “You wanna play a game?”

“Oh?” Pearl blinked, now interested. “What sort of game?”

Lapis smiled softly. “Yeah. I’ll tell you one thing about last night, and you can give me something in return.”

Pearl arched an eyebrow. “What would I give you?”

Lapis pretended to think for a moment. “Your bra.”

“Lapis!”

Lapis laughed. “I’m kidding. Sort of.” she murmured into Pearl’s neck. Pearl huffed, rolling her eyes.

“I’ll tell you one thing, if you give me a kiss.”

Pearl’s eyes narrowed. Lapis rested her chin against Pearl’s chest, fluttering her eyes ever so slightly. “One fact, for one kiss.” Pearl repeated.

Lapis nodded.

A small smile curved at Pearl’s lips. “All right.”

Lapis grinned. She twisted her body, still propped against Pearl, but a bit more upright. “Okay. After I drove away, we had to drive for two hours into New York, to this huge hotel my mother had reserved. Now. Your turn.” she said with a smug smile.

Pearl smiled, before leaning forward, giving her a small peck. Lapis pouted.

“ _Really_?”

Pearl smirked, and shook her head. “Nuh. You have to wait.”

“You’re mean.”

Pearl laughed.

“I met Mother’s clients, and they were rich and awful. Fancy clothes, and the most pricked up noses you’ve _ever_ seen.”

Pearl laughed, her hand moving to rest on Lapis’s knee. Lapis arched an eyebrow. But Pearl met her gaze head on, and just smirked again. Slowly she leaned forward, and, quick as a butterfly, kissed Lapis’s nose.

She darted back just as fast, giggling slightly. Lapis blinked.

“What?”

Pearl’s eyes fluttered slightly. “You never specified where the kisses had to be.”

Lapis arched an eyebrow, because, yes, her ridiculous, smart ass girlfriend had just found a loophole. But, one that could be very fun, if the way she was looking at Lapis meant anything at all.

Lapis swallowed, before continuing.

“It was a man, the actual client. He had a mustache. Then there was his wife. Dripping in jewelry. Couldn't have been tackier if she was trying. And they brought their son with him.”

“Oh?” Pearl spoke up with interest, “what was he like?”

Lapis smirked, tapping her lips, and Pearl slowly smiled. “Oh. Right.”

Lapis grinned. “I think you owe me a few extra, that was like, three, or four facts all at once.”

Pearl nodded. Slowly she leaned forward, a finger raising Lapis’s chin to face her. Lapis stared up at her, her eyes wide. A playful smirk danced at the corners of Pearl’s lips. Pearl kissed her hard that time, fingers curling into her hair.

Her mouth was quick and soft, lips brushing Lapis’s in a way that left her only wanting more. More of her. Lapis gasped, as Pearl’s tongue teasingly brushed hers, and she groaned.

They kissed harder, and then, just as Lapis’s skin was feeling boiling, and certainly not from the sun, Pearl jerked away. A whine bubbled up from Lapis’s throat.

“Pearl…”

Pearl grinned, and shook her head. “Nope. Not till you finish.” she said, waving a finger in front of Lapis’s nose. Lapis bit back a smile. “Okay.”

She took a breath before continuing, still a bit breathless from Pearl’s last kiss.

“The son was the reason that I was there. My mother wanted me to…entertain him.” Pearl nodded. “Oh, how old was he, five or six?”

Lapis shook her head. “Nineteen.”

Pearl’s face fell instantly.

“Oh.”

Lapis smirked. “Yep. Really hot too.”

Pearl sniffed. “Hm.”

Lapis ran a hand through her hair. “He seemed to think that I was attractive too.”

“I’m sure.” Pearl’s mouth tightened into a straight line. Lapis ignored her, continuing.

“Actually, he even asked me if I wanted to get dinner with him sometime.” Pearl’s cheeks flushed, and she glared at the fence posts. “Oh."

Lapis smiled, and took one of her thin hands. “You want to know what happened next?”

Pearl shrugged, not looking at her, and Lapis took that as a yes. “I told him that I’d love to, if it weren’t for the fact that I already had a gorgeous, amazing, wonderful girlfriend to eat dinner with. And then I ran out of the room and hid in the bathroom for the rest of the night.” she finished with a wide grin.

Pearl stared at her. “Lapis…” Her eyes were wide, pouring into Lapis. “Y-You said that about me?”

Lapis arched an eyebrow. “I don’t actually have another, gorgeous, amazing, wonderful girlfriend, so yeah. I meant you.”

Pearl’s fingers pressed to her lips, and she quickly blinked, looking away. Lapis’s gut clenched. “Pearl, I-“

Pearl shook her head, smiling watery, and blinking back tears. “Lapis-that’s so sweet. I-I…that’s just really sweet.” she said, wiping at the corners of her eyes. Lapis’s hand griped her shoulder.

“I meant it. I love you. I want to be with _you_. Not some rich princely little mamma’s boy.”

Pearl laughed at that, still crying slightly. Lapis swallowed, still unsure of what to do. Slowly her hands moved to cup both of Pearl’s cheeks, holding her face carefully.

“Pearl?”

Pearl sniffled. “Yes Lapis?”

“You owe me like, eight kisses."

 Suddenly Pearl snorted. Soon they were both laughing so hard, over absolutely nothing at all. They lay back against the fabric of the hammock, chest rising and falling to regain their breath.

Lapis’s eyes wandered over to Pearl, who was still gasping. She ran her hand over Pearl’s arm. “Pearl.”

“Hmm.” Pearl said, still breathless. Lapis sat up, gazing down at her girlfriend. “I do really want to kiss you. A little bit desperately.” Pearl smiled easily.

“Why are you not?”

“Can I?” Her hands toyed with one of the curls at the side of Pearl’s neck.

“Yes. Please.” Pearl whispered, slightly gaspy.

Lapis moved forward, hands resting at her shoulders, and kissed her. It was slow, leisurely. Neither of them actually had the energy to move fast. Because it simply wasn’t needed, and neither of them wanted that.

Pearl’s lips were so gentle. Her hands began to wander a little bit, running from her shoulders, over her arms, and down her sides.

They were light and shy, and Lapis could hardly stand how cute she was being. There was a tug in Lapis's gut, and a sudden rush through her body.  All of a sudden all she wanted was to press Pearl against the hammock and kiss her senseless. Kiss her neck and past her neck...

Her fingernails brushed Lapis’s skin, making her feel suddenly extremely hot and shaky.  It was amazing.  All it took was the slightly touch or sound from Pearl and Lapis came undone.

Her hands fell to Pearl’s slender waist, wrapping around her torso and pulling her close. Pearl gasped, and it was the most adorable sound Lapis knew of. She wanted to hear more of that sound.

Carefully Lapis moved from her lips to her jaw, and then down her neck, kissing all long her smooth pale skin. Pearl gasped, and then bit her lip. Lapis rubbed her hand along Pearl’s side, smiling gently.

“Hey. Hey. You don’t have to be embarrassed.” she cooed softly. Pearl exhaled, giving her a small nod.

Lapis smiled firmly at her, before she resumed the task at hand. Pearl was breathing now, and Lapis could hear it every time her voice trembled. She felt it when Pearl’s breath hitched in her throat as Lapis kissed a certain spot just below her ear, and a smirk curled at her lips.

She kissed and nuzzled into that particular spot, her stomach twisting with pleasure when Pearl moaned softly. She gasped loudly when Lapis’s teeth bit down in that place. “L-lapis…my..mother- she-ah…”.

Lapis pulled away quickly. “Yeah, Sorry babe.” She moved back to Pearl’s lips, and the pale girl responded eagerly, kissing her back happily.

Her fingers wound tightly into Lapis’s curls, tugging when Lapis kissed her harder. Her hands ran down Lapis’s back, resting on the line of bare skin that was between her shirt and the waistband of her leggings.

Lapis noticed, and pulled away with a grin. She tucked a bit of short hair behind her ear. “I can take it off, if you want.” Lapis whispered with a sly grin. 

Beneath her, Pearl turned as red as a tomato. “ _Lapis_. We-we’re outside.” she hissed.

Lapis shrugged. “So? My yard is huge. The house beside us is, like, half a mile away.”

Pearl still seemed hesitant, and Lapis shook her head, smiling. “It’s fine. Forget I said anything.” Pearl blinked.

“No! I mean…no. I want to. I want to.” she repeated a second time, smiling a bit stronger. Lapis ran a hand down her arm. “You sure?”

Pearl bit her lip, and then nodded, smiling a bit more. “I-If you think we won’t get caught…then yes. I do.” Lapis smiled.

“We won’t.”

They both sat up, shifting into better positions. Lapis felt excitement bubbling inside her stomach. Absently she pulled off her crop top and tossed it to the side.

There was a sharp inhale beside her, and suddenly she remembered that she hadn’t put on a bra that day. She glanced over at Pearl, whose eyes were as wide as dinner plates.

Lapis smiled hesitantly at her, suddenly feeling a bit shy. Pearl blushed, twisting her fingers together. “I-I-um…”. She nervously twisted at the buttons of her top, hesitant to unbutton them.

Lapis wondered what was wrong. Carefully she shifted, sitting cross-legged in front of Pearl. “What’s wrong?”

Pearl rubbed at her arm, not meeting Lapis’s eyes. “It’s just-“ she stopped.  Pearl shifted, and Lapis felt her hands trembling ever so slightly. 

“If you don’t want to, it’s fine.  Really.”  she said, running her hand over Pearl’s cheek with a soft smile. 

Pearl shook her head.  “No.  It’s not…I want to.”  There was still a sort of hesitance in her eyes, and she couldn’t quite look at Lapis. 

“What is it?” Lapis asked quietly. 

The short-haired girl bit her lip, but finally exhaled shakily.  “It’s just a little weird…you know.  Being…naked.  In front of someone.” she mumbled, rubbing her hand along her thin arm. 

Lapis smiled softly.  “You don’t have anything to be embarrassed about. I already think that you’re beautiful.” 

Pearl blushed prettily.  “Thank you.” she whispered.  The air blew through the yard, ruffling both their hair.  Neither of them said anything. 

Finally Pearl took a deep breath. 

“I want to. Please…do.” she said, and her soft blue eyes met Lapis’s finally.  They were full of honesty. 

Lapis smiled at her in the way that was only for Pearl.  Pearl returned it, although it was still nervous. Lapis leaned into her, lips gently meeting the other’s. 

Her hands moved to cup Pearl’s cheeks, pulling her closer.  She was careful to be slow, kissing Pearl sweetly, without doing anything else.  Pearl continued to flush pinker and pinker.  She had never looked more beautiful to Lapis. 

She gasped softly into Lapis’s mouth, and it made the other girl grin.  Gently she ran her hand down Pearl’s side, fingers ghosting over the bra underneath her blouse.  Lapis fingered one of the buttons absently, eyes darting to Pearl’s. 

Asking permission. 

Pearl’s eyes were half lidded and glossy.  She saw where Lapis was looking.  There was a small nod. 

Lapis kissed her again. Then she pulled away from Pearl’s lips to press a trail of little kisses all down her pale slender neck. There were all kinds of pretty little gasps and soft moans falling from Pearl’s lips now.  They all sounded beautiful to Lapis. 

Lapis stoped when she got to the collar of Pearl’s blouse.  She carefully began to unbutton the long column of buttons, kissing all the newly exposed skin as she went. 

Pearl’s fingers twisted into her hair, tugging on it occasionally, whenever she kissed an especially sensitive place. 

Finally she reached the last button, and once it was undone she gently tugged the whole thing from Pearl’s shoulders, tossing it away.  Pearl’s eyes fluttered open slightly, although not all the way. 

Lapis pulled away, only wanting to look at her.  She was now wearing nothing but her bra and shorts, and blushed down to her shoulders under Lapis’s gaze.  Her eyes watched Lapis closely. 

Lapis smiled at her.  Her hands moved to her shoulders, running down her arms. 

“You are so beautiful.” she murmured, pressing a kiss against her shoulder.  Pearl trembled. 

“T-Thank you.” she said shakily.  Lapis laughed. 

"You have the most manners." she said between giggles.  Pearl smiled slightly, flushing a bit.  "I can't help it." she said quietly, with a small little smile.

Lapis brushed Pearl's short bangs away from her forehead and leaned over to kiss her again.  Her hands, still ever so careful, wandered to the cups of her bra, and Lapis lightly brushed her fingers over the lacy fabric.

"-is this okay?" she asked quietly.  

Pearl nodded, her eyes fluttering shut again.  "...yes." she murmured softly.  

Lapis smiled gently, before moving her hand to let it rest over Pearl's breast.  She squeezed what she could through the fabric, and Pearl gasped, breathless and soft.  Lapis smiled, lips moving to kiss Pearl's once more.

Pearl's hands moved to her hair, latching tightly in her curls.  Lapis pulled away from her lips to kiss at the pale skin around her collarbones. Her arms wrapped around Pearl's torso, pulling her tighter against her.  

Still being as careful as she could stand, Lapis ran her hands down Pearl's sides, making the slender girl moan.

 "L-Lapis- ah..ah-" she sighed, arms twisting around Lapis's neck.  Lapis kissed her again as her fingers found the clasp of her bra. In a moment it was undone, and tugged off.

Pearl burned red, but Lapis didn't give her a chance to become embarrassed again, kissing her once more.  Their chests pressed together when they kissed, Pearl once more falling back against the hammock.  Pearl's skin, despite it being a hot day, was ice cold.  

They kissed for so long that Lapis lost track of time.  Eventually she pulled away, staring down at Pearl.  

The older girl was breathless, eyes still fluttering.  She was so pink that Lapis was half worried that she was getting sunburnt.  But they were in the shade, so, probably not.  Her chest was pale, and highlighted only by a pair of small rises in the center of her chest.  Pearl's short strawberry hair was ruffled beyond imagination, and that was almost certainly Lapis's doing.

She was like some kind of ethereal fairy.  Sun rays broke through the tree branches, gleaming on her hair.  She was beyond beautiful.  

Lapis felt a swelling feeling of love rush through her at that moment.

Pearl's light blue eyes glanced up, focusing on her.  Lapis smiled, tracing little circles on her tummy with her fingertips. 

 “Do you want to go farther?” she asked. Pearl bit her lip.

“…no.” she whispered, eyes hesitant. Lapis smiled gently, to show her that there were no hard feelings.

“All right.”

Pearl bit her lip. “Do you think you could just hold me?” she asked shyly. Lapis leaned forward and kissed her. “Of course.”

She moved to lay beside Pearl, resting her head against her bare chest. Pearl tucked her close, wrapping a slender arm around her shoulders, and Lapis tucking her arm underneath the other girl, wrapping around her waist. They laid there for a long time. The sun was warm, the birds chirping quietly above.

Pearl smelled like roses.

Lapis sighed one last time, cuddled closer to Pearl, and let her eyes fall shut.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I think this may be my favorite chapter ^-^ 
> 
> Anyway. I'm just glad to be posting again, it feels like forever! I hope you all like this chapter, it seems a little different than the others, but idk, maybe it's just me. 
> 
> Also, thanksgiving break is in two weeks and I'm counting down the days!! Which, hopefully will mean more time to write! 
> 
> I'm also being very bad and working on a new fic :0 it's Pearlapis, because at this point I really can't write anything else. it's this fantasy/fairy tale/history thing, and I'm thinking about maybe trying to post it around thanksgiving? Maybe? Idk, really. We'll see! ^-^


	16. perfect places

Pearl hummed quietly to herself as she walked home from her violin lesson. 

It had gone reasonably well, and her teacher had seemed happy enough with the progress that she had made.  All in all, it hadn’t been a bad day.  The wind rustled through her hair, and she smiled.  Carefully she tucked a stray lock of hair back, and continued home.  

When she got home her mother was in the kitchen, cooking something.  “Hello dear, is that you?” 

Pearl nodded, before remembering that her mother couldn’t see her.  “Yes, it’s me, mother.” 

“Could you come here for a moment and help me with dinner?”  Her tone was even, But she seemed oddly stressed.  More than normally. It was also odd that her mother wanted her help in the kitchen.  Since the last time they had tried to cook together Pearl had cut her finger, and almost blown up the oven. 

Pearl bit her lip.  But she couldn’t say no. 

“Yes.  Coming Mother.” 

She went into the kitchen where her mother was furiously chopping up carrots.  Pearl stood there silent, waiting.  “…did you want something Mother?” 

Her mother seemed to snap out of a daze, looking up at her.  “…yes, yes.  I did.  I wanted some help with dinner.”  Her eyes looked a bit scattered. 

Pearl shifted, half wishing that she might could just go and lie down.  Her mother glanced around the kitchen.  “Perhaps you could cut-“ she stopped. “Or maybe…ah.  Stir the salad.” 

Pearl almost rolled her eyes.  Her mother didn’t want her help.  She wanted to give a lecture.  And she needed to get Pearl to stay in the room with her. 

Pearl forced a smile and nodded.  “Yes.” At least she probably couldn’t ruin the salad.  Hopefully. 

She took out a large wooden spooon from a drawer and began to carefully stir the salad around, although it was rather half-heartedly.  There was only the sound of her mother’s knife chopping the carrots. Then-

“I was talking to Charlotte the other day, you know Charlotte, don’t you Pearl?” 

Pearl nodded, staring at the limp lettuce.  “She’s one of the ladies from your book club?”

Her mother nodded her head.  “She has a daughter just about your age.  Peony.  She just turned seventeen a few weeks ago.”  

Pearl kept focused on her salad.  Her mother ignored her lack of a response, keeping on.

“Charlotte told me that Peony’s just gotten engaged.  _Lovely_ boy.  He’s going to be a lawyer.  They’re going to get married in the summer.” 

Pearl nodded.  “Peony’s not going to finish highschool, is she.” It wasn’t a question.  Pearl’s mother pursed her lips. 

“Well, there really isn’t much point in her doing that, is there? It’s not like she would be going to college afterwards.”  She said it airily, but her eyes were sharp.  Pearl said nothing. 

“She needs to start her family.  That is what is going to be important in her life. Not spending the best years of her life going to school so she can what?  Show up her husband?  That would never do.” 

She went back to cutting carrots.  The air in the room felt as though it were about to boil over.  Pearl knew that she had to keep quiet.  But anger and pure frustration were churning inside her stomach, and finally she couldn’t stand it any longer.  

She slammed down the wooden spoon against the counter with a thunk, and turned around to her mother.  “I _am_ finishing high school.” she said sharply.  Her mother stopped cutting. 

“I _never_ said that you wouldn’t.  Clearly you aren’t going to.  Because for some reason you can’t seem to find a single boy who will have anything to do with you."  

Pearl’s stomach tightened.  “Is that all you care about?  Whether or not I’m good man bait?” 

“Of course not.  But Pearl that is all you will ever have. Your husband will take care of you, pay for you, give you children.  Don’t you want that?” Her mother's eyes suddenly looked rather desperate. Her hands were trembling slightly, and Pearl felt terrible. 

“…yes. But Mama, I want to go to college.  Please.”  she said, a little desperate. 

Her mother rubbed at her eyes, and suddenly she looked more tired than Pearl had ever seen her.  “If it were up to me, you would.” 

Pearl’s hands clenched.   “Then-who…oh.”

Her mother nodded, sighing.  “Your father says no.  And he’s not going to change his mind.” Pearl bit back her tears. 

“I know.” 

They stood, both seemly at a loss of what to do.  “…Mama, I think I want to go lie down. My stomach doesn’t feel well.”

Her mother’s tired blue eyes flitted to her face. “All right.  Do you think you’ll want dinner?”  Pearl shook her head.  “No thank you.” 

Her mother sighed. 

“I’ll bring you some broth later.” 

Pearl vaguely nodded, and left, slowly going up to her room.  

                                                                                                                                         -:-

When she got to her room Pearl sank into her chair, pulling her legs up to her chest.  A sharp pain in her stomach was beginning to bloom. 

She groaned into a pillow.  She didn’t want to hurt right now. 

Pearl ran a hand through her hair.  It was okay.  She would take a shower, change clothes, and then maybe she’d feel better.  She sighed, and went into her bathroom.

                                                                                                                                   -:- 

Lapis hummed to herself, as she lay on her bed, eating her dinner of a peanut butter sandwich. 

It wasn’t the very best tasting of foods, but it meant she didn’t have to cook.  And that was nice.  

Lapis lay flat on her stomach, with her sketchbook in front of her.  Her hand moved across the paper, drawing what, she had no idea.  Although, the longer she drew, the more it ended up looking like a certain strawberry blonde, who she couldn’t stop thinking about. 

Lapis stopped her pencil to look at what she’d sketched.  Yes, it was Pearl.  

She flushed.  She was thinking of her too much.  But she couldn’t help it.  Pearl was the most fun thing that she had to think about.  Much more fun than Jasper, who she hadn’t seen in weeks now. 

Or her mother, who was no doubt furious at her right now.  Lapis smirked.  That reminded her.  

She stood in front of the mirror, glaring at her awful black hair.  It looked harsh and ugly around her eyes, and she absolutely despised it.

But it wouldn’t be like that for very much longer.  She grinned at her reflection. 

Dying her hair was always an exceedingly long process, but somehow Lapis sort of enjoyed it.  Perhaps it was because she so liked the outcome. 

Carefully  she brushed through all of her hair, untangling every last bit.  Then, taking several hair clips, pinned her hair into three different sections.  In a small container she mixed the dye mixture up, and then very carefully began painting it onto her scalp. 

Once all of her hair was covered in the gunky mixture she covered the entire mess under a shower cap.  She set a timer, and then went back to her bedroom to wait for the dye to settle. 

The waiting part was not that much fun, but it would be worth it once she was finished.  She sat down to start working on her reading for school, when suddenly the phone rang.  Lapis almost ignored it, when she remembered who it might actually be. 

She immediately ran to get it.  

                                                                                                                                       -:-

Breathless after running down a flight of stairs, she snatched up the phone. 

“-Hello?” she gasped. 

“…Lapis?  A-are you okay?  You sound winded.” Pearl said through the phone. 

Lapis rolled her eyes.  “I had run to catch the phone. I’m fine.” 

“Oh.  I’m glad.”  Pearl said a bit flatly.   Lapis bit her lip. 

“You okay?” 

There was silence, and then a tearful “…no.”  Lapis winced.  Slowly she sat down on the second step of the staircase.  “Oh…Pearl.  Is there anything I can do?”  

There was a soft sigh. 

“…no.  Probably not.  I’m sorry, I shouldn’t have called.  I just…wanted to hear your voice.  Oh, that’s probably stupid, I’m sorry, I-“

“Pearl.” Lapis said softly.  “It’s fine.  I’m not doing anything.  I’d love to talk to you.” 

There was a moment of silence, and then a little sniffle.  Lapis smiled, knowing Pearl was probably trying not to cry right now out of emotion. 

“I’m just so frustrated, Lapis.  It feels like everything that I want to do, I can’t do! Or, if I can, it’s just _beyond_ being a reasonable bit difficult. It just has to be the most ridiculously hard thing in the world!” 

Lapis held the phone close to her ear, saying nothing, knowing that Pearl had to rant for a minute.  “What’s happened?”  she said softly. 

Pearl let out another sniffle.  “Nothing.  I’m just a complete failure as a daughter because I’m not engaged and married and popping out babies by age sixteen!” 

Lapis rolled her eyes.  “Your mother didn’t say that.” 

Pearl sighed under her breath.  “…no.  But that’s what it felt like.”  she said tearfully.  Lapis shook her head. 

“None of that is true.  You are the furthest thing from a failure, Pearl.  You are talented and smart and hard-working.  I mean, you literally work yourself to the bone, every single day.” 

“I’m still not engaged.” Pearl said, and Lapis knew she was pouting.  Lapis laughed softly.  “Yeah, I know.  It’s absolutely terrible, not having a man to lead you around, and be all hairy and smelly and everything.”

She could practically see Pearl rolling her eyes. 

“That’s not what I meant.” 

“I know.  But Pearl, is that something you even want?” 

“What do you mean?”

Lapis shrugged.  “ _Do_ you want to get married, and have kids and all that?” 

She meant it as a light-hearted question, but it wasn’t. 

 

“…of course.” 

Lapis bit her lip.  “You do?” 

“Yes. With you.” 

Lapis froze.  “…ah.” 

Pearl sighed.  “I want to be with someone Lapis.  I think that I want to have children.  I don’t want to be one of those lonely old women who never got married, never did anything with their lives.  I want to be with someone, for all of that time. I-I don’t know if that will be you.   I hope it will be.” 

Her voice was quiet over the phone line.  Lapis’s hands clenched the phone.

“Me too.”  Lapis murmured finally. 

“I’m sorry, I don’t know why I said all that, that’s just ridiculous, I don’t-“ Pearl stopped.

“It’s fine. I-I that’s a lot.  But I want to talk to you about this stuff. It…reallly matters to me.” Lapis said quietly.  She could feel Pearl’s smile through the phone. 

“What are you doing right now?” Pearl asked suddenly.  Lapis grinned.  “Something totally not interesting.” 

“Oh?” Pearl’s voice perked up with interest.  Lapis laughed. 

“I’m sitting around, waiting on my hair to dye.”

“Oh. That’s…fun, I suppose.”

Lapis laughed again.  “You know, you should dye your hair sometime.” 

Pearl snorted.  “Oh…I don’t think so.” 

Lapis smirked.  “You sure?  I could do it for you.” 

Pearl laughed, and the sound was very nice.  “I’m sure. Sure that my mother would kill me.” 

Lapis rolled her eyes. 

“Live a little.” 

“That’s my plan.   To live as long as possible.” 

Lapis smiled, and shook her head.  “Good plan.  I suppose I can’t blame you.”  Pearl laughed in that light, fluttery way of hers, and Lapis felt her stomach turn.  

“Well, I suppose I’d better go, before I get caught on the phone.” 

“How were you able to call me?” Lapis asked dubiously. 

“My mother’s outside on the porch. I snuck downstairs and called you when she went outside.”  A laugh fell from Lapis’s lips.  “Wow.  I didn’t know you could sneak.”

“There’s all sorts of things that you don’t know about me.” she said in a low voice. 

Lapis flushed.  “Hmm. I’m sure.”

Pearl giggled again.  “Anyway, I really do have to go.  Love you.” she whispered into the phone.  Lapis swallowed, her throat painfully dry. 

“Love you too.” she answered, barely able to keep her voice from cracking. 

Pearl then hung up with a click. 

Lapis sat there a moment, realizing that she was clutching at the phone receiver with sweaty hands.  Suddenly Lapis laughed breathlessly.  That was….   she sighed. 

Lapis couldn’t imagine having a life like Pearl’s.  Even though her mother still made her furious at times, it seemed like nothing compared to Pearl’s parents. 

Because, even after all of the pressure that her own mother put on her, her mother still never actively stopped her from being the person that she wanted. 

Her mother let her date the people she wanted, even if she did turn up her nose.  Her mother let her dye her hair blue, even if she did glance at it with disgust.  Her mother wanted her to go to college, and was going to pay for her to go. 

Pearl’s parents were not. 

Lapis groaned into her hands.  There had to be something else that she could do.  Some way that she could help Pearl.  But as hard as she tried, she couldn’t think of a single thing. 

Surely there had to be some kind of scholarship, or government money, or _something_.  There had to be money somewhere, for someone as smart and hardworking as Pearl. Lapis bit her lip.  She had no idea about things like this. 

It wasn’t something that she would have ever paid attention to after all, since she had always known that her mother would pay for her schooling.  But she might know of someone who would. 

Lapis bit her lip, then picked up the phone.  

                                                                                                                               -:-

Pearl woke up utterly exhausted.  And the day had only just begun. 

She sighed, rubbing her eyes awake.  Slowly she slipped out of bed, feet falling to the hard, cold floor.  She bit back a shiver, and went into the bathroom to take a quick shower.  After she finished, she quickly dried her hair, although it still felt a bit damp to the touch. 

Oh well.  It would dry quickly anyway. 

Hurrying more now, she quickly put on a grey dress, tucking a thin black belt around her skinny waist.  Glancing in the mirror, she realized that the entire outfit was rather…severe looking.  But that was how she felt at the moment, so she decided to let it be. 

Pearl dabbed on some lip gloss, fiddled with her hair for a good five minutes before she gave up, and slipped into her black ballet flats.  Her hair was still sticking up in several funny angles, but Pearl finally decided that there was nothing she could did about it, and let it be. 

She decided against a sweater, since the weather was warming slightly, perhaps she could actually do without it for once. 

Pearl grabbed her purse and briskly started downstairs.  All the lights were off, her parents not yet up.  It was nice.  Quietly she slipped out, shutting the door softly behind herself.  

When she got to school it was also dark inside.  She knew that it was entirely silly, but she couldn’t help her desire to creep through the hallways.  Pearl slipped into the empty school library, the large wooden door creaking loudly behind her. 

Pearl stopped, gazing over the empty room full of books.  There was silence.  Suddenly Pearl wondered why she was doing this. 

What the point was. 

Her hands clenched.  She would not think like that.  If nothing else, it was not helpful.  Pearl bit back the fifth sigh that morning, and then went to work.

                                                                                                                                  -:- 

Working inside the library at six thirty in the morning was perhaps not the most fun thing she could have been doing, but still; it was far from being the worst.  She mostly just cleaned, and organized the books that had been returned the day before. 

All of it was easy work, and it didn’t take very much concentration, which allowed her to think.  And that was never good. 

Pearl was so lost in her thoughts as she pushed the return cart around, that she didn’t hear the library door creak open.  Footsteps came up to behind her, but she didn’t notice. 

Someone cleared their throat.  Pearl ignored it. 

Finally they tapped her lightly on her shoulder. 

Pearl let out a very undignified squeak, and jumped about half a foot.   She whirled around to see Lapis bitting back a smile.  Pearl flushed deeply. 

“Oh….it’s you.” 

Lapis laughed.  “You sound so disappointed.” 

Pearl immediately shook her head,  but Lapis eyes glinted as she tried to hide her smile, and Pearl knew that she was teasing.  Pearl sighed, rolling her eyes, but a smile tugged at her lips. 

“Very funny.”  She set down the stack of books in her hand, finally turning all the way around to Lapis.  Suddenly she smiled.  “Your hair…it’s blue again.” 

Lapis nodded, blushing a little bit.  Her eyes were focused on the floor.  “Yeah…”

Pearl smiled softly.  “You look like you again.” 

“I…ah.  I really hated it the other way.  I-I thought you’d like it better though, so I wasn’t- I didn’t know.” Lapis confessed, eyes fixated on the floor.  Pearl shook her head. 

“Lapis…I don’t care how you look.  I love you.” She reached out to squeeze Lapis’s hand gently.  Suddenly Pearl smirked, and leaned forward.  “The fact that you’re absolutely gorgeous is just a wonderful bonus.” she whispered into Lapis’s ear. 

The shorter girl shivered ever so slightly.  Her eyes darted to Pearl’s.  “So…do people ever come in here this early?” 

Pearl blinked, and shook her head.  “No, I don’t think so.  Why do you- mnhmn.”

She stopped, as Lapis leaned upwards, kissing her gently.  Pearl instantly melted into her.  They kissed for a long moment, and Pearl could feel the book shelves pressing into her back. 

Slowly Lapis pulled away, her eyes shining.  Pearl bit down a blush.  “I really wanted to kiss you last night.  It was so frustrating that I couldn’t.” Lapis mourned softly. 

A rush of heat washed over her.  Pearl smiled faintly. 

“M-me too.” she answered in a soft voice.  Lapis smiled at her, and let her hands fall to her hips as her forehead pressed into Pearl’s.   They stood there for a moment.  Pearl never wanted for her to let go. 

But finally she sighed, gently pushing Lapis away.  “I have to get back to work.” she mumbled regretfully.  Lapis shrugged.  “All right.” 

Pearl expected her to turn away and leave, but Lapis just pulled out a chair, painfully screeching it against the floor, and sat down, dropping her bag with a thunk.  Pearl frowned.  “What are you doing?” 

Lapis blinked, her eyes wide.  “Um…sitting?” 

Pearl bit her lip.  “You don’t… I mean, I know this has to be boring for you and everything…” she trailed off. 

Lapis shrugged.  “Nah, it’s not.  I just…wanted to hang out with you.  But I can leave if you want.” Her eyes stared up at Pearl’s, full of hesitance.  Pearl suddenly smiled, quickly shaking her head. 

“No, no.  That’s just…that’s sweet.” she mumbled more to the floor than Lapis.  Lapis grinned, and opened up her literature book.  Pearl smiled to herself and began to work once more.  

                                                                                                                                -:-

They both worked near silently for almost an half an hour.  Pearl glanced over at her girlfriend, who was currently staring at the literature textbook with the most severe scowl she had ever seen.  Pearl nudged her shoulder. 

“What’s wrong?” she asked, laughing a little bit.  Lapis blinked, glancing up for the first time.  “Huh?” 

“That book.  You’re looking at it as though it’s mortally offended you.” Lapis glanced back at her textbook, and then blushed.  “Oh…that.” 

Pearl smiled. “Is there something wrong?” 

Slowly Lapis shook her head, letting her head rest in her hands.  “No.  I’m just stupid.”  Pearl immediately frowned.  “That’s not true at all. Why should you say that?” 

Lapis shrugged, letting her head fall against the table top.  “I’m stupid.” 

Pearl shook her head.  “Stop.  Why do you think that?” 

“Because I can barely even read.” Lapis said through the table.   Pearl felt a bit confused.  “What do you mean?”

Lapis shrugged half-heartedly, sitting up from the table.  “It’s ridiculous.” 

A frown curved at her lips.  Pearl hesitated a moment, before she sat down in the chair beside Lapis.  Lapis looked away, blinking quickly.  Pearl could tell that she was angry and frustrated with herself, and Pearl wished that she could tell her that she didn’t have to be embarrassed. 

Ever so hesitantly she reached out and took Lapis’s hand in her own, squeezing it softly.  “Tell me.” she said softly. 

Lapis shook her head, fingers pressed to her lips.  “It’s just- ugh….” 

Pearl waited.  Finally Lapis sighed.   “When I read…all the words, they just….swirl around.  I don’t know.  It just won’t _work_ for me. I’m just stupid.” she repeated, scowling at the floor.  Pearl frowned harder.  Her hand moved to Lapis’s cheek, and she pulled Lapis to look at her. 

Hesitantly, she did. 

“Listen to me.”  Pearl said to her, leaning forward.  “You are not stupid.  You are not dumb.  I know you, and I know that.  And I don’t want you to keep saying that.” she said firmly. 

Lapis’s purple blue eyes stared up at her, full of hesitation.  “Pearl….I-“ she stopped. 

“What?” 

Lapis shook her head.  “No.  It’s nothing.  Just…thanks.” 

A smirk curled at Pearl’s lips.  “Don’t thank me for something that I’d say anyway.” she said dryly.  Lapis looked at her for a moment, and then she laughed softly.  It was a light sound, a little breathy giggle, and Pearl loved hearing it.

She smiled at her before she leaned forward and kissed her.  It was light and brief, but Pearl loved it just the same.  This sort of feeling, the talking the friendship, the feeling that she could kiss someone without everyone hating her for it, Pearl loved it more than anything. 

It was the best feeling in the entire world to her.   Gently she pulled away from Lapis, and she saw Lapis’s eyes shine as they fluttered open.  Pearl laughed, their foreheads pressed together.  

                                                                                                                                  -:-

That day went by like eternity for Lapis. 

She had thought that seeing Pearl first thing in the morning would help her get through the day, but it was as if kissing her so early only made her want Pearl more.  But Pearl had said that she could come over that afternoon, so that was something. It made her scowl a little less terrifying at least. 

Sitting beside Pearl in English was torture.

She was sitting there, just so beautiful, and Lapis had to act like she barely knew her.  Pearl was better at it than her. 

She kept her glances hidden, and never flirted.  Lapis didn’t mind.  She knew that was simply how it had to be.  She was so deep that she would probably do anything for her at this point. 

Pearl was just….

Lapis bit her lip.  She had to be the prettiest girl ever. 

Although she wasn’t the only one who had noticed, apparently. 

Some guy with dark hair and way too many muscles was also staring at Pearl.  As in, his eyes were not looking away.  A twinge of a nasty feeling raced through her stomach. 

Suddenly the bell rang. 

Pearl blinked, snapping out of her schoolwork daze, and began to put her things away.  The guy was still there.  They went into the hall.  Somehow he was still around, yet Pearl didn’t seem to notice him. 

“I need to get something from my locker.” Pearl said, digging through her bag.

“I’ll come with you.” Lapis blurted.  Pearl looked over at her strangely.  “Um….all right.” 

Pearl seemed a bit confused, but she didn’t question Lapis’s odd behavior.  Lapis nodded quickly at her.  “You wanna…” she gestured down the hall. 

“Um…yeah.” Pearl said, still looking at her weirdly.  She turned, starting down the hall.  Lapis glanced over her shoulder, only to find that the stupid guy was still following her.  And she still didn’t seem to have noticed him. 

Lapis bit her lip, and hurried after Pearl. 

Pearl hovered over her locker for what felt like an eternity.  Lapis tapped her foot impatiently.  “ _Pearl_ , what are you looking for?” she asked a little bit more impatient.  Pearl hummed in answer.  “Oh, just a pen.  It’s special.” 

Lapis frowned.  “I…have other pens.” she said hopefully. Pearl shook her head. 

“I need _this_ one.” 

Finally she pulled her head from her locker, a bright smile on her face.  “Found it!” 

Lapis smiled with relief.  “Great.  You ready to go?”

Pearl nodded, lifting up her massive stack of textbooks with a small pant. “Ready.”  Lapis arched an eyebrow.  “You want some help with that?” 

Pearl shook her head brightly.  “Nope, all good.” 

“All right.” 

They started back down the hall, Pearl barely able to see where she was going over the massive stack of books in her arms.  Lapis was just about to ask if she was certain she didn’t want help, when someone came up to them.  Lapis had to bite back a snarl. 

It was the same hot guy from earlier, the one who couldn’t stop ogling Pearl.

He sauntered up to Pearl, completely ignoring Lapis.  “Hey there.  You need some help?” 

Pearl immediately turned beet red.  “N-no. I’m fine.” she answered shakily. 

He smirked, and of course his teeth were perfect, bright white.  Lapis hated him more and more. 

“A pretty little thing like you shouldn’t have to break her back on books.” Pearl’s arms were beginning to quiver, but it was more from stress than lack of strength.

“Um, thank you, but I’m really fine.” she mumbled softly.  He laughed, the sound infuriating to Lapis.  “You’re cute.  But really, let me.” 

Lapis couldn’t hold back anymore. 

“She said she’s fine.” Lapis spit out with a scowl.  The guy blinked, just realizing that she was standing there.  “This isn’t any of your business.” he said smoothly, with a hint of a sneer.  He turned back to Pearl, who now looked close to tears. 

“Here, Angel, allow me.” He then proceeded to try to take the stack of books from Pearl’s arms.  She didn’t want to let go, and it turned into a sort of tug between them both. 

Lapis didn’t know what to do, except stand there.  Neither of them could keep their grip like that, and, as if it were in slow motion, all the books fell onto the floor in a giant crash.  There was a sudden silence, and they all just stood there, staring at the mess.  

Then suddenly Pearl burst into tears. 

And fury exploded from Lapis. 

The guy was just sort of standing there, uncomfortable, watching Pearl cry.  Lapis charged over to him,   He blinked, snapping out of a daze, focusing on Lapis.  “Oh come on, I was just trying to help, if you would’ve let me-“

He shut up, when Lapis punched him in the mouth. 

He gasped, staring at Lapis with horror.  She scowled at him.  “Get out.” she hissed.  He stood frozen for a moment, and then he was running down the hallway, and then he was gone. 

Pearl was stooped over on the floor, slowly picking up her books one by one. Tears were still rolling down her cheeks, and Lapis was mad alll over again.  She bent down and began to help her pick up the books. 

“Sorry.” she mumbled.

Pearl glanced up at her, eyes watery.  “What?” 

Lapis stared at her, before turning back to the floor. “I should’ve punched that guy sooner.”

They stared at one another for a moment. Then suddenly Pearl snorted.  Lapis stared at her stupidly, and then she was laughing too.  They sat there, crouched on the floor, laughing till they were hoarse.  Finally they both stood up, and Pearl let Lapis carry some of her books for her. 

They left the school, shoulders pressed together.  

                                                                                                                                        -:-

“I still can’t believe that you actually punched that guy in the face!” Pearl said with a laugh. 

“He deserved it.  You should have seen the way he was looking at you.” A small smirk curved at Pearl’s lips.  “You weren’t…jealous, were you?” she said softly, batting her eyelashes a little bit.  Lapis blushed heavily, a small pout on her face. 

“He was a jerk.”

Pearl smirked a little wider.  “You didn’t answer my question.” 

Lapis looked away, still bright red.  Pearl’s eyes widened.  “Oh my goodness….you were!”

Lapis rolled her eyes.  They went up Lapis’s front steps, and she unlocked the door, still avoiding Pearl’s eyes.  Pearl bit back a smile.  There was no way that she was letting this opportunity slip by. 

They set down their books on the kitchen counter, Pearl still watching Lapis.  “Why were you jealous of that guy?”  Pearl asked softly. 

Lapis whirled around, eyes wide.  “What?” 

Pearl took another step closer to her.  Lapis remained still, back pressing into the counter.  “Why are you jealous of him?” she asked again. 

Lapis bit her lip.  “I-I well, he’s…um, really hot.  Probably rich, very cool, smart, all sorts of things.” she said, a bit breathless.  Pearl laughed softly, stepping closer once more.  Now they were close enough for their torsos to be pressed against one another. 

Pearl could feel Lapis’s breath quicken slightly. 

“Why is that funny?” Lapis asked, voice a whisper. 

“Because,” Pearl answered,  “You’re just describing yourself.” 

Lapis stared at her incredulously.  “I don’t- I’m not-“

“You are so….gorgeous.” Pearl said, her voice trembling a little on the last bit.  Her hands moved to Lapis’s cheek.  “R-really?” Lapis asked. 

Pearl nodded.  Her eyes fell to Lapis’s lips.  Lapis suddenly smiled.  Ever so slowly they moved together, their lips meeting softly.  Lapis’s mouth curled around her own gently, and Pearl sighed happily. 

Her hands moved to twist around Pearl’s waist, pulling her tighter against her chest.  Pearl smiled into the kiss.  Her fingers twisted into Lapis’s curls, burying themselves in her hair.  Lapis kissed her harder. 

Her tongue hesitantly met her own, and Pearl groaned into her.  Just as they were getting to the particularly nice parts of making out, someone cleared their throat behind them.  They jerked apart, meeting Peridot’s flat gaze. 

Immediately they both turned bright pink.  

Peridot frowned at them both, and adjusted her glasses further up her nose.  “Please tell me that you didn’t ask me to come over just to watch you suck face with your girlfriend.” she said at Lapis. 

Lapis scowled. 

_“Peridot!”_

The short girl rolled her eyes.  “What?” 

Pearl glanced between the pair of them, utterly confused.  

                                                                                                                                       -:-

After Lapis had yelled at Peridot for just walking into her house without warning,   _There is a thing called a doorbell, Peridot_,  she had explained how she had asked Peridot to come over to talk about college. 

Or, more specifically, how to go to college without having any money at all.  Apparently Peridot knew a fair amount about the topic. 

Pearl was a little bit shocked when Lapis had told her.  After all, she herself had almost forgotten about it, and she certainly hadn’t expected Lapis to keep caring about it.  Her girlfriend was just incredible sometimes. 

Pearl had almost kissed her again, but Peridot was still standing there with a large frown, and Pearl resisted the urge.  Later. 

They all went up to Lapis’s room, and she and Peridot sat down on the rug, while Lapis plopped down in the corner chair, giving the pair a bit of space to talk. Peridot pulled her backpack around to her front, yanking out a huge wad of papers.  Pearl blinked, a bit taken aback. 

“Um….what is all that?” she asked, a bit hesitant.  Peridot’s sharp eyes flitted like lighting to her face.  “College scholarship pamplants.”

Pearl bit her lip.  “Do you really think that’s my only option?” 

Peridot nodded.  “If you really don’t have any money at all?”  Pearl slowly shook her head.  Peridot made a small hm in the back of her throat.  “Then you’ll have to get a full scholarship.” 

Pearl’s hands clenched in her skirt.  “But aren’t those almost impossible to get?” 

Peridot’s blue eyes stared into her’s firmly, with a pointedness that almost hurt.  “ _Difficult_.  Not impossible.  I’ve done a bit of reasearch on the subject.” She gestured to the massive stack of papers. 

“A bit.” Lapis said with a snort from her corner.  Peridot glared at her.  “Shut up.” 

Lapis just laughed, turning the page of her book.  Pearl watched the pair of them, a bit bemused.  They argued almost constantly, yet they still seemed to be be close.  Perhaps a bit like her and Amethyst, if she were being honest.  A small smile curved at her lips. 

Peridot turned back to Pearl with a huff.  “Anyway.  You could get a full scholarship through some kind of sport, or other academic achievement. You’d also have to fill out quite a lot of information, and applications.  It’s quite a….process.”  She pushed her glasses a bit higher on her nose.   “But I’d be glad to help you with those parts, if that’s what you decide that you want to do.” 

Pearl smiled gratefully at the small girl.  “Thank you Peridot.  I really appreciate all this.”  Peridot shrugged.  “Whatever.” 

She pushed the stack of papers over towards Pearl.  “Read those. I’ve got to go.” 

“Where to?  Trigonometry club?”  Lapis asked jokingly.   Peridot scowled at her.  “No idiot.  Chemistry club.” 

Lapis laughed. “Okay.  _Huge_ difference.”

Peridot rolled her eyes once more, before starting to the door.  “Don’t start making out before I get out of your house.” 

“PERIDOT!” 

Peridot just laughed, before she started down the stairs. Pearl glanced over at Lapis who was probably just as flushed as herself at the moment.  “She’s so not funny.”  Lapis murmured with a small smirk.  Pearl nodded a bit distractedly, gazing down at the stack of papers.  Lapis’s eyes filled with concern. 

“What’s wrong?” 

Pearl rubbed at her arm.  “I don’t know.” she admitted softly.  She stood there, unsure of what to do.  Lapis sighed.  She scooted over in her chair, gesturing for Pearl to sit beside her. 

“Hey.  Come here.”

Pearl bit her lip, bit finally  she went over to Lapis, and sat down beside her.  Their hips pressed into one another’s.  Pearl felt as stiff as a board, but Lapis wrapped an arm around her shoulders, and slowly, with a small sigh, Pearl let her head fall against Lapis’s shoulder. 

Outside the window birds chirped happily. 

Lapis’s fingers ran through her short hair, probably ruffling it terribly.  But it felt so nice that Pearl let it go.  They didn’t say anything for a while.  Then finally Lapis broke the silence. 

“Pearl, what’s the matter?” 

A tightness swelled inside her throat.  “Nothing, it’s-“ she sighed softly, burying her face into the curve of Lapis’s neck. Short curls of blue hair brushed against her cheeks.  Pearl exhaled softly.  She smelled like peaches and the ocean.  The smell was sort of comforting. 

Lapis’s fingers continued to toy with her hair.  “I can’t do this.” she mumbled into Lapis’s neck.  Lapis’s fingers stilled.  Pearl glanced up from her shoulder.  “Why did you stop?”  she asked, flushing a little bit.  Lapis ignored the question, moving to cup her cheeks with her hands. 

Pearl gazed at her, trying to keep from trembling.  Lapis smiled softly.  “Of course you can do this.”  she told pearl in a soft voice.  Pearl swallowed, feeling unable to breath.  “B-but Lapis, all those people who get scholarships like that, they're really smart.  You can’t just get good grades, you have to be extraordinary.  I’m…not.” she said, averting her eyes. 

“Hey.  Look at me.” Lapis said in a gentle voice.  Slowly Pearl did. 

Lapis’s eyes were pouring into her, and Pearl felt as though she’d never breath again.   “You are extraordinary.  Pearl, you have no idea how- everything is so easy for you.” 

Pearl frowned in protest.  “No, Lapis, it’s just doing the work.  Anyone could do that.” 

Lapis smiled wryly.  “I can’t.” 

Pearl’s eyes widened,   “Oh, Lapis, I didn’t mean-“

“I know.  I’m not mad.  But I do the same work as you, and it doesn’t make any sense to me.  I try really, really, hard, and I’m probably barely going to pass calculus or history this semester.  I don’t mean this as a big pity party for myself either.  You just need to realize that all this stuff is easy for you.  And that’s not nothing.”  Her purple eyes focused onto Pearl’s.  “You need to try for this Pearl.  And I know that you’ll get it.” 

Her words were so full of certainty and hope that it made Pearl want to cry.  She blinked quickly, wiping at the corners of her eyes.  “Lapis... I don’t know what to say.”

Lapis grinned.  “I wonder if Peridot’s gone yet.” 

Pearl looked up, and then flushed, realizing what she was gettting at.  A small smile curled at her lips.  “I don’t hear anything.”  she said, eyes half-lidded.  Lapis shifted ever so slightly in her chair, leaning closer. 

“Maybe we should go check.” Lapis whispered into her ear, breath ghosting against the rim.  Pearl bit back a shiver.  “Or…” her eyes fell to Lapis’s lips. 

They curved into a small smirk.  “Or that.” 

Pearl nodded.  Ever so slowly, filled with a shy hesitance, they leaned together, lips pressing against one another’s.  She could feel Lapis smile into her. Their arms twisted around one another’s shoulders, and Pearl felt Lapis’s hand pressing into her waist. Suddenly an evil thought came to Pearl. 

She pulled away from Lapis, the blue haired girl opening her eyes with slight protest.  “What?” she mumbled.  Pearl glanced over her shoulder. 

“I think I heard Peridot come back.” she said in an exaggerated whisper. 

Lapis stared at her with slight disbelief.  Pearl smirked at her.  Finally Lapis got it, and rolled her eyes.  “You are not funny.” Pearl giggled.  “I know.” 

They kissed again.  One of the shoulders of Pearl’s cardigan began to droop on her shoulder.  Pearl noticed, and quickly tugged it off, leaving her only in her short sleeved grey dress.  Lapis saw what she was doing and pulled away from her lips to begin trailing a line of kisses along her jawline and then down her neck.  They were all so soft and gentle, and they made Pearl feel breathless.

Her fingers knotted into her Lapis’s curls.  She could feel Lapis’s lips curl into a smile against her skin.  “Is this nice?”  she whispered, knowing very full well that it was.  Pearl still nodded anyway. 

“Hmmhm.” she mumbled.  Lapis laughed very quietly.  She ran her hand down the skin of Pearl’s bare arm, making her shiver, before she pressed kisses all along the skin of her arm. 

Pearl leaned back in the chair, head pressed into the apolstery.  Lapis’s fingers twisted with her other hand that was now very limp feeling, as if to root her into place.  She moved back to the curve of her neck, nuzzling kisses there.  Pearl gasped, loud and shameless, and she felt Lapis squeeze her hand. 

Then she moved back to Pearl’s mouth, kissing her harder than before.  Pearl let out a quiet whimper as Lapis’s togue slipped hesitantly into her mouth.   Pearl’s fingers tightened their grip on Lapis’s hair.  Lapis kissed her deeper, tongue moving wonderfully against her own. 

Her hands knotted into Pearl’s hair, tugging on the short strands, making Pearl’s breath hitch in her throat. She could feel Lapis grinning. Slowly the kisses turned more leisurely, changing from the passion of a moment before to gentle little pecks and nuzzles. 

Lapis’s lips were soft and so, so gentle. 

Finally they pulled apart, eyes meeting hesitantly.  Both their cheeks were flushed pink.  Pearl ran her hand through Lapis’s blue curls, smoothing them a bit.  Lapis watched her with wide, careful eyes.  Carefully Pearl tugged a lock of blue hair behind one of Lapis's ears, before she realized what she was doing and flushed harder.  Quickly she looked away.

Things bubbled up in her mind, things that she desparately wanted to say, but as she was sitting there, Lapis’s thigh pressing into her own, she found that all her words were gone. 

Lapis nudged her teasingly.  “Hey. “  

Pearl’s fingers twisted with one another, suddenly feeling very very shy of her girlfriend.  But still after a moment, she looked up.  Lapis’s smile shone back at her. 

“Don’t tell me that you’re getting all shy again.” she said with a smirk.  Pearl shook her head quickly.  “N-no, I’m not, really I-“ she stopped, as Lapis stared at her dubiously. 

Pearl stared back down at her hands.  There was silence for a moment.  Then Lapis nudged her again with her shoulder.  “Pearl. Look at me.” she said gently.  Slowly Pearl did. 

Lapis stared at her for a long moment, and Pearl was just about to ask her something, when she suddenly dove forward and blew a big slobbery kiss against Pearl’s slender neck, making her squeal loudly.  Pearl tried to shove her away, but she was unable to control her laughter.  Lapis finally pulled away with a huge, satisfied grin on her face.

It took a moment for Pearl to regain her breath,.  Finally she did.  She stared up at Lapis.  A shaky, wavering smile pulled at her lips.  “You always make me feel so much better, you know that, right?” 

Lapis’s smile was radiantly bright.  Pearl’s cheeks warmed, and she had to look away.  Pearl tugged her sweater back neatly over her shoulders, mostly because she knew that it was time for her to leave, and if she looked at Lapis again she would be tempted to stay and kiss her more, rather than being focused on leaving like she was supposed to be doing. 

Lapis’s grin was unavoidable however, and Lapis’s hands moved to help her button up her swearer. Her blue eyes fell onto Lapis once more.  Lapis’s fingers darted quickly over the row of perfect buttons, her mouth pursed in a tight, intent line.  She was very focused on doing a good job, and it was absolutely adorable to Pearl. 

She carefully bit back a smile.  Finally Lapis came to the last button on her sweater.  With a small glance up at her, Lapis left it unbuttoned.  Her hands fell lightly over her shoulders and then running down her arms. 

Her fingers clung to Pearl’s and then they let go.  Lapis smiled a bit vaguely. “You probably have to go now, don’t you.” 

Pearl nodded.  “Yes.” 

Lapis sighed, but there was no annoyance in it, just a bit of wistfulness.  “I’ll see you later?”  It was always a question.  Pearl nodded instantly.  “Of course.  I’ll call you tonight, if I can.” 

Lapis nodded, her eyes far away.   Pearl wanted to say something else.  Something that would make how hard this was a bit easier to bare.   But she didn’t know what that was.  So she said the only thing that she could think of. 

“I love you.” 

“I love you too.”  

                                                                                                                              -:-

After Pearl left, Lapis felt even sadder than normal, so she decided that, instead of just sitting around and feeling sorry for herself, she would actually do something.  So, because she couldn’t think of anything else, she made cookies. 

Lapis didn’t even like cookies. 

But she liked sitting around with herself even less, so cookies it was.  Cookies for dinner.  Lapis sat at the marble island in the middle of the kitchen with water and a plateful of cookies. 

She stared down at the plate of sad looking things.  Heaving a tired sigh, she took a bite of the corner on one of the cookies.  Eh.  It wasn't great.  But right now she hardly cared. 

Lapis took another bite, when suddenly the phone rang out, piercing through the silence of the huge empty house.  A tiny hope flickered in her gut, and she got up to get it. She picked up the phone, hands trembling vaguely. 

“Hello?” 

“Lapis.”

Lapis’s stomach fell instantly.  It was not Pearl.  It wasn’t anyone she wanted to speak to. 

Her fingers, which felt as though they were turning to ice, clutched at the phone receiver. 

“Yes mother?” she said in a tiny voice. 

Her mother was silent on the other end for two beats.  Then she spoke again.  “You’re home now.” 

“Yes.” 

A small sigh.  “Good.” 

Another silence.  Then-  “I’m so disappointed in you, Lapis.” 

There was a thickness in Lapis's throat that made it hard to speak. 

“I know.”

Her mother continued.  “I brought you to meet my new client and his family because I thought that it was _something_ you would be willing to do.  But you still have no interest.” Her voice was flat, and cold.  Lapis’s hands were shaking now. 

“I didn’t want to date his son.”  Lapis said, with a tremble in her voice that she hated. 

Her mother sighed tiredly.  “No, no.  It’s quite all right.”  Her tone made it clear that it was quite not all right. 

But she just sighed again, and Lapis could picture her rubbing her eyes.   “I know now not to involve you. Next time I won’t bother.” 

She bit her lip, tears watering at her eyes, but her mother wasn’t finished yet.  “There will be another event at the end of the month, because thankfully, despite your actions, the client has decided to go ahead with the project.  It will be at the house, and so there will be people coming and going with things to do. You are not to bother them.” 

“Yes mother.” she said quietly. 

Her mother nodded crisply, making a slight hm from the back of her throat. 

“That will be all.” she said neatly, ending the conversation.  No, _love you_ , _hope you’re okay_ , or anything.  Just - _that will be all_.  Written off just like another business deal. 

Lapis nodded silently, before the phone went silent.  She stood there a moment.  The house was silent all around her. 

Suddenly she had never felt more alone. 

Slowly she went back to the kitchen and took another cookie, before trudging up to bed. 

Tiredly she wiped the wetness from her cheeks.  

                                                                                                                                     -:-

Pearl entered the library early the next morning, yawning as she opened the heavy wooden door. It creaked closed behind her as she carefully slipped inside.  Pearl set her purse down with a small thunk, and then, muffling another tired yawn, set to work. 

The two hours before classes started normally went by quickly, but that morning felt as though every second were painful. 

The clock that hung on the faded wallpaper ticked rhythmically, and the sound was almost about to drive Pearl insane.  She bit her lip, chewing on the bit of skin there.  Who in their right mind would buy a clock that was that loud?  Who could possibly stand something like that? 

Pearl scowled up at the stupid thing.  She kept putting the books onto the shelf, slowly getting more and more annoyed by the ticking clock. 

She was so lost in her annoyance she didn’t hear the library door creak open.  Footsteps came up behind her, and she jumped.  Quickly she whirled around, her cheeks pink. 

The person in question smiled regretfully at her. Pearl flushed even harder.  

It was a towering woman, teenager, probably a year older than Pearl, and almost a solid foot taller.  Her sports shirt was sleeveless, highlighting the fact that her arms were strong, muscular, and gorgeously dark.  Her hair was tied back in lots of thick braids, held only by a pink hair tie.  She had a large, bright smile that was now directed at Pearl, although it was admittedly a bit sheepish. 

“Sorry about that.  I didn’t mean to startle you.”  she said.  Her voice was rich and low. 

Pearl laughed, nervously twisting her fingers together.  “Oh, no, no.  It’s fine.  I-I’m always a bit jumpy first thing in the mornings.” 

The woman nodded easily.  “I wanted to come in here before school started to look for a book for my history class. Although I really don’t know how I’m going to even find it in all this.”  she said with a sigh, glancing around the large room. 

Pearl bit her lip.  “Um, I’d be happy to help you look, if you’d like.” 

The woman looked at her for a moment, before her lips spread into a wide smile.  “That’d be great! Thanks.” Her green eyes focused on Pearl’s for a second before she looked away, and began to dig around in her backpack. 

There was a strange light in her eyes, Pearl decided.  Something just wasn’t…. she sighed. 

Suddenly she wished that she wasn’t alone.  But that was just silly.  So she straightened her back and waited while the girl finished rummaging through her things.  Finally she pulled a piece of paper free with a triumphant grin. 

“Here it is.”  She handed it to Pearl.  Their hands brushed, and Pearl felt her breath catch inside her throat.  But she quickly forced a smile, and took the paper.

“I- ah, don’t think I’ve seen you around here before.  My name’s Pearl.” she said, keeping her tone friendly. The woman smirked.  “Oh, sorry.  Nice to meet you.”  she said, utterly ignoring Pearl’s attempt to learn her name. She started off to the shelves, but realized Pearl wasn’t following her. 

“I don’t know your name.  What’s your name?” Pearl said, voice a whisper.  The girl’s eyes narrowed for a half an instant, but then they became so friendly so fast again that Pearl decided she imagined it.

“My name’s Bis. Short for Bismuth.” she said easily.  A small breath fell from Pearl’s lips.  She was just being ridiculous.  Pearl smiled slightly.  “It’s nice to meet you.”  Bismuth’s lips curled into a smile. 

“It’s a pleasure Pearl.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooooo cliffhanger!
> 
> For some reason this chapter feels a little... grey to me. Idk. It's not my favorite, but it's honestly a bit of a slice-of-life chapter, rather than a huge, plotty thing, so. 
> 
> I'm not really sure. Still though, I hope you all like it!


	17. sick of losing soulmates

“And then I think we should- Lapis are you listening?” 

Lapis blinked, glancing over at Pearl’s wide blue eyes.  She blushed a little.  “Uh…sorry.” 

Pearl shook her head easily.  “Is everything all right?  You’ve seemed a bit….out of it lately.”  she said softly.  Lapis stared down at the sidewalk, black boots making a sharp contrast compared to the faded grey of the concrete. 

The warm wind rustled through her hair.  Above them the branches of the trees were beginning to show signs of blossoms about to burst forth.  Soon it would be full on spring. 

Pearl was still staring at her, and Lapis realized that she hadn’t answered her.  She sighed softly.  

“I-I got a call from my mother last night.” she admitted quietly, looking away.  Pearl’s eyes were gentle and sympathetic.  

“What happened?” 

Lapis shrugged carelessly.   She couldn’t quite bring herself to talk about it.  The sun was too bright, and the day too pretty for such negative feelings.  She forced a small smile. 

Pearl returned it hesitantly.  

Lapis stared at her.  Her curls shone in the afternoon light, fluttering around her face.  Pearl’s eyes shone with a brightness inside, and standing there Lapis found herself struck speechless. 

Pearl giggled softly.  Carefully she glanced up and down the street. 

“What are you looking for?” Lapis asked curiously.  Pearl’s eyes darted back to her face, a small grin twisting at her pink lips.  Then, ever so carefully, she laced their fingers together. 

Lapis's cheeks burned.  “Pearl-what if someone-“

“I don’t care.  I want to.  Besides, no one’s going to see anyway.”  Pearl said firmly.

Lapis bit her lip, protests bubbling in her mind, but Pearl shook her head firmly.  “Just for today.” she said, a bit pleadingly.  Finally Lapis sighed.  “Okay.” 

Pearl smiled, and it was so bright that it made all the risk worth it.  Lapis laughed softly.  They started off once more, hands laced tightly together.  

                                                                                                                            -:-

When they got to Lapis’s house they went straight upstairs, both of them having massive amounts of homework.  The school year was winding down and that meant that the work was doing nothing but piling up, higher and higher.  But Pearl went to it with something like gusto, hand flying a few speeds faster than normal. 

Lapis sometimes would sit and watch her with awe.  She had her own work to do today though, and she started it with a small sigh of resignation.  

After a few hours of silently working away, Lapis finally shut her book with a groan, letting her head fall against the back of the chair.  Pearl glanced up for the first time, blinking rather absently. 

“What time is it?” she asked, blinking.

Lapis stared at her before she rolled her eyes.  “Five thirty.”  Pearl blinked, doing that wide-eyed owl blinking thing.  “Really?  It feels like we just started.”

Lapis rubbed her eyes.  “Maybe for you. Feels like a lifetime for me.” 

She sighed, flopping back in her chair.  Pearl gazed at Lapis, her eyes getting concerned again.  “I worry about you.” she said softly.  Lapis looked up at her. 

“What?”

Pearl kept her eyes focused on her.  “I worry about you.”  she said again.  Lapis shook her head, utterly confused.  “I don’t-why?” 

Pearl sighed, rubbing her fingers together.  “It’s just- you spend so much time alone.  In this house.  And I know that we haven’t been together for a very long time, but I wish that you felt like you could talk to me a bit more.”

She exhaled. 

“I’m here, and I just want to be a part of….whatever you’ve got going on.  I just want to help.”  Pearl said earnestly, eyes pouring into Lapis like a rush of water.  Lapis felt her throat tighten with guilt, and a bit of regret. 

“…..I know.  I just-I’m sorry. Sometimes….it’s hard for me to remember that you actually care.  I don’t mean to keep stuff from you. I just….” she stopped, sighing softly. 

Pearl stared at her, saying nothing. Slowly Lapis stood, moving to where Pearl sat on the floor.  After a moment of hesitation, she sat down beside her with a small plop.  Pearl’s eyes watched her movements, entirely focused on her. 

The attention was a bit…disorienting.  But in a way it was nice. 

Lapis swallowed, her throat suddenly painfully dry.  Her fingers twisted together, rubbing against each other.  “My mother said that she was really disappointed in me.”  Lapis said, and her voice sounded thick and strange. 

Pearl winced.  “Oh Lapis….” 

Lapis shrugged.  “I completely screwed up that entire client dinner thing.  She’s going to be mad about that for a long time.” 

“Lapis….I’n so sorry.” Pearl said softly, squeezing her hand tightly.  Lapis shook her head, eyes far away.   “It’s like she thinks I’m barely worthy of being her daughter.”

There were knots in her stomach when she said that.  She let her head sag onto Pearl’s shoulder, and she didn’t realize she was crying till her cheeks were damp with tears.  Pearl wrapped an arm tightly around her shoulders, pressing her close. 

“I know she doesn’t think that.  You’re not worthless.  No one thinks that.”  Lapis shook her head, pressing it into her sweater.  “No, Pearl. You’re the only one.” 

Pearl’s fingers ran through her hair. “That isn’t true.” she murmured soothingly. 

“It is, and you know it too.” Lapis said through a half sob.  Pearl brushed her blue bangs away from her forehead.  “You are the _furtherest_ thing from worthless.  You mean everything to me.”

Her smile was earnest.  Lapis felt herself returning it. 

“You’re impossible to be sad around.” Lapis murmured, biting back a smile.  Pearl laughed at that.  “I take that as a high complement.”

“You should.” Lapis answered with a small smile.  She sighed, shuffling a tiny bit closer so she could rest her head on Pearl’s shoulder.  The older girl shifted to give her room, setting her chin on the top of Lapis’s head.  They sat in silence for a long time. 

Just as Lapis was trying to keep herself from dozing off, Pearl sighed quietly.  Lapis glanced up at her reproachfully.  “You have to go?” 

Pearl nodded, her mouth curled into a little frown.  “Yeah.” 

Lapis shut her eyes, and just for a moment refused to move, treasuring the feeling of the pale warmth of Pearl’s skin against her own cheek.  But then she straightened, pulling her head from Pearl’s shoulder and sat up.  Pearl smiled at her regretfully, pressing a feather light kiss to her cheek before she stood. 

Pearl picked up her book bag and all of her homework papers, stuffing them all neatly away inside her bag.  Lapis grunted a little bit as she stood up from the floor, then went over to the door.  Pearl followed, and they both started downstairs. 

Lapis felt a little gloomy, but she tried her best to hide it. After all, Pearl didn’t have a bit of trouble being in a pleasant mood all the time.  Lapis needed to simply put more effort forth. 

She bit back another sigh. 

Pearl shifted in front of the closed door, hesitant to leave.  She bit her lip.  “Are you certain you’re all right?” she asked softly, blue eyes focused on Lapis. 

The blue haired girl nodded without thinking.  “Yes.  I’’m fine.” she said, and as soon as she said it she knew that it was a lie.  Pearl knew it too.  They both knew it, but neither of them wanted to admit that it was. 

Pearl nodded, but her eyes were far away.  Something felt tight in Lapis’s stomach. Then Pearl leaned over and kissed her, and the knot faded ever so slightly.  Her lips were soft. 

All too soon she pulled away and the tightness returned.  Lapis smiled and it was so forced.  Pearl opened the door and, with another small smile towards Lapis, was gone.  The door clicked closed behind her. 

Lapis stood there, just staring stupidly at the now closed door.  As if she might come back at any second. 

But she didn’t, and finally Lapis turned away and went to make herself a sandwich for dinner.

                                                                                                                                     -:- 

Pearl’s mind felt like a whirlwind of chaos. 

Yes, that was probably the best way of describing it.  Everything was so stressed out and confused she could hardly tell what was what anymore.  School was nothing but getting more overwhelming by the day,  and even she, with one of the most efficient workflows of anyone, could hardly manage. 

And then there was the thought of trying for a scholarship. 

She would need to take several much higher levels of classes in the fall if she even wanted to try for it.  The thought of trying to do all of that was frankly overwhelming.  But she hadn’t written it off.

Not yet, at least. 

And then there was Lapis. 

Pearl had to fight the urge to sigh.  It wasn’t exactly…. _Lapis_ , that felt so difficult. 

Because it was honestly wonderful to study together, and the kisses in between were only a plus.  But there was this…thing, a feeling, a sort of attitude, that she was starting to notice. 

It didn’t feel right, and it was making Pearl a little worried. It was becoming grating, at the very least, to keep their relationship a secret.  Doing that was something that neither of them really had the time for. 

Pearl had to spend her life darting around, between ballet, school, violin, and her mother’s errands, managing only a few moments here and there for Lapis.  And it wasn’t much better on Lapis’s side. 

She had just as much school as Pearl, and so many chores for her own mother it was sort of ridiculous.  Between all that, they were lucky to get an afternoon every couple of weeks together. 

It was fine. 

Pearl adored her, and she would take every last possible second with her.  But it was tiring. 

And if it didn’t have to be a secret then worlds of time would be open to them.  They could sit together at lunch.  Kiss in the hallway before class like every other hormonal teenager in the world. 

And if Pearl didn’t have to sneak around her parents then she could bring Lapis home when her mother was there.  They could go on dates on Fridays and Saturdays like all the other girls did. 

They always asked if Pearl had done anything that weekend, and she’d always have to shake her head. 

There would be so much freedom. 

Pearl swallowed.  But that wasn’t a realistic way of thinking.  They couldn’t be together like that, and they never would be. 

Pearl didn’t even dare to think of telling her parents.  They’d never let her out of the house again.  They would never let her see Lapis again.  And that was something that she couldn’t bare to think of. 

So they would have to stay a secret. 

Pearl could stand it.  But there was a tiny part of her that was starting to worry that Lapis wasn’t so okay with it. 

The blue girl had never given her a reason to doubt her.  But there was just a little bit of tiredness in her eyes.  Like when she asked Pearl if she wanted to come over and she had to say no for the fourth day in a row, because she had ballet practice and then her mother really needed groceries. 

And then she couldn’t come the next day, because they were having her cousin over for dinner and her mother needed her help in the kitchen. 

Pearl bit back a heavy sigh.  _She_ was getting fed up with herself. 

If she had a boyfriend then her mother would be telling her to drop everything and glue herself to him till she got a ring.  But when she only had a secret girlfriend then it was hours in the kitchen almost evey night.  

“Sweetheart, you’ve barely touched your food.”

Pearl blinked, looking up to meet her mother’s wide blue eyes.  “S-sorry.  I’m not very hungry, I suppose.” 

“Well, try to eat something.  You don’t need to get any thinner than you are.” 

“Yes mother.” she said softly, taking a small bite of rice.  Her father snorted from where he sat, behind a massive plate of food.  “You both eat like birds.” he said with a grunt. 

Her mother’s lips tightened. 

“You would do well to eat less yourself.”  she said softly.  His dark eyebrows raised. “Was that a remark on my weight?” 

“Of course not dear.”  Pearl’s mother answered, eyes glazed over in that guarded way of hers. 

Pearl watched them both from the corner of her eye. Her father did eat quite a lot, but he was also a very tall, large man, and in his defense, wasn’t overweight.  He just ate a lot of food; that her mother always fixed.  

Pearl’s mother stared down at her own food, poking at it almost as much as her daughter.  They all continued with their dinner in silence, no one saying a word for the rest of the meal.  

                                                                                                                        -:-

After dinner Pearl excused herself and went up to her room, finally alone for the first time that day since early that morning. 

It was a relief. Pearl shut the door, gracefully kicking off her shoes with two little thunks.  Slowly she sighed.  Something about this day had been frustrating and tiring all at once.  It left her feeling a bit lacking in some way. 

She sighed again.  Carefully she began unbuttoning her sweater.  How was she going to keep this up? 

All this effort, and then the thought of doing it all again and then adding more classes on top of it next semester, it made her sort of want to flop on the floor and never get up again.  But that wasn’t a practical state of mind. 

Because that scenario wasn’t currently an option. 

Somehow she would do it all.  She would get good grades and deal with her mother’s critics and continue ballet and violin and then somehow find the time to be with Lapis at the end of it all. 

Somehow she would do all that. 

Pearl folded up her sweater, and placed it neatly back into her closet.  She tugged at the zipper of her dress, the old metal bits annoyingly sticky.  Finally she managed to get the thing pulled down and then carefully tugged the dress off, letting it fall to the floor. 

She stepped out of it, picking it up and tossing it into the dirty clothes hamper.  Her back hurt a little bit.  Pearl set out her pajamas on her bed before she went into the bathroom, shutting the door behind her. 

After she had taken a quick burning hot shower, she put on her night clothes and sat down in the chair tucked back in the corner, book in her hand.  The hot water had helped a little bit, but her back was still feeling achy. 

Hopefully after a good night’s sleep it would disappear. 

Pearl sat down with a groan, realizing all of a sudden just how sore she was.   As she stared down at the book clutched in her hands she suddenly felt very, very sad.  Pearl shut her eyes, blinking back cold tears.  Her head felt back against the fabric of her chair, and her hair felt damp and cold against it. 

She wanted Lapis. 

She just wanted to be with her girlfriend without it being so...hard. She wanted the comfort of someone’s arms around her.  She wanted to get into her bed and not be alone in it. 

Pearl bit down hard onto her lip.  Suddenly she didn’t want to read anymore.  Pearl stood and got into her bed, pulling the covers high over her head.  She held herself tightly, trying to pretend that her arms were someone else’s.  

it took a very long time to fall asleep.  

                                                                                                                                     -:-

The next morning Pearl had a monstrous headache. 

She took two painkillers before she left for school, but that only dented it a little bit.  The pounding continued to rage all the way to school and then a little past that.  But she simply grit her teeth and went to work dusting the shelves, pushing pain to the back of her mind. 

But at least she heard it when the library door creaked open, footsteps following it.  She blinked as the tall girl from a few days before she entered the library. 

 _Bismuth_ , she remembered tiredly. 

The massive girl grinned when she saw Pearl, waving to her with book in large hand.  Pearl gave her a tiny wave, smiling a bit weakly. 

“Hey Pearl!  I didn’t think you’d be in here again today!”  Bismuth said painfully loud for so early in the morning, voice almost a shout.  Pearl tried not to visibly wince, forcing a smile. 

“Um…yes, well.  It’s what I do.”  she said in a small voice.  Bismuth nodded, still smiling brightly.  Pearl bit back a sigh. 

“Was….was there a reason you came in here?”  she asked, trying to keep away the annoyance that threatened to creep into her tone.  Bismuth blinked.  “Oh yeah! Almost forgot.  Wanted to return the book I got the other day.  Wanted to thank you too.” 

Pearl blinked, a bit confused.  “Um…why?” 

Bismuth sheepishly rubbed at the back of her neck, cheeks warming.  “It was really helpful and…nice.  I really appreciate it. So thanks.” 

Pearl smiled softly.  “Of course.  It was no trouble at all.” she said, truly meaning it.  Bismuth nodded, cheeks still flushed. 

“Well, um….here.”  she shoved the book towards Pearl, turning away just as fast.  Pearl stared after her, feeling as though she were missing something. 

Bismuth opened the library door, almost running into someone coming in.   There was a muffled, “‘ ’ _Cuse me_.” 

And then Lapis walked in, arching an eyebrow. 

The door slammed closed with a very loud thunk, and then they were alone.  Lapis looked at her curiously.  “Getting lots of visitors today?”  Pearl nodded tiredly, rubbing her forehead.  “I suppose.” 

She absently leaned over and gave her girlfriend a small kiss.  Lapis’s lips felt a bit chapped, and Pearl sort of wanted to hug her, and then give her some lip balm.  They pulled apart, Lapis’s face still a bit questioning. 

“I’ve not seen that girl around before.”  she said, pulling out a chair, legs creeching on the floor.  Pearl nodded, going to put Bismuth’s returned book back on the shelf.  “She’s new.  Just transferred here a couple of weeks ago.” 

Lapis made a small _hm_.  Pearl continued, flipping carelessly through the pages of the book that Bismuth had just returned.  “That’s the second time she’s come in here, she seems to need a lot of help with certain things, but it’s all-“ she stopped mid-sentence.  

Lapis looked up.  “All what?” 

Pearl swallowed, eyes fixed on a small sticky note stuck to the inside of the front cover.  “All on me.” she mumbled, pulling it loose, and handing it to Lapis to show her. 

Lapis’s lips tightened.  She stared at the note for a moment, and then handed it back to Pearl.   She could see the words, written in a purple pen and messy handwriting. 

The sloppy row of numbers, and then the _xxox, Bismuth_. 

Lapis’s eyes were focused on the tabletop, and she didn’t look up at Pearl.  Something inside of Pearl twisted tightly, and she suddenly wanted to go kick Bismuth. 

Carefully she sat down beside Lapis.  Her hand moved to her shoulder, squeezing it gently.  “This doesn’t mean anything to me Lapis.  I promise it doesn’t.” 

Lapis’s mouth was tight, and she didn’t say anything for a long time.  She blinked quickly, looking away from Pearl.  “I know Pearl.  I know that you wouldn’t…I know.” she sighed heavily, brushing her blue bangs with her fingers. 

Pearl was still, her stomach still tight.  She didn’t know what to do.  Didn’t know what to say to make this better.  Her hand clenched on Lapis’s shoulder. 

“Lapis, look at me.”

Lapis winced, but after a pause, and a quick wipe to the corner of her eye, she finally turned to Pearl.  Her eyes were wide, and there was a vulnerability in them that seemed strange.  It made Pearl ache. 

Slowly she moved, carefully taking Lapis’s hand in her own.   It was sort of clammy, but Pearl found herself not carrying. 

“Bismuth….she isn’t someone that I’m interested in.  Lapis, I’m not interested in anyone but you.  I really mean that too.” she said, her voice quavering with earnest.  Lapis stared up at her, dim lights glinting in her eyes. 

“You mean that." 

It wasn’t a question.  Pearl nodded.  “With all my heart.”  she said softly. 

Lapis exhaled.  “I know.  I’m….sorry.  I shouldn’t feel like this.  It’s stupid.”  she said, her expression turning sour. The taller girl shook her head. 

“It’s not.” 

Lapis laughed dryly.  “It sort of is.”  She smiled wryly, but it was still pained.  Pearl squeezed her hand.  Then she leaned forward, but didn’t move all the way.  Her eyes fluttered closed, but she still waited.  Lapis’s breath ghosted across her cheek, and Pearl felt her leaning closer. 

Then with a slow sort of grace their lips met, and they kissed softly.  Lapis’s hand moved to her cheek, and it felt like ice. Pearl realized that kissing Lapis was almost…instinctual now.  Like a feeling more than an action.  It was like a comfort. 

She hoped Lapis felt the same. 

They pulled apart, and Pearl realized that she would probably never know.  Lapis’s eyes still looked far too watery, but there was now a tiny smile on her lips, so perhaps what she had said had helped a little bit.  “You don’t need to feel bad about this.” Pearl murmured. The blue-haired girl nodded, although it was a bit slow. 

“I know.” 

There was a lump in Pearl’s throat, and she didn’t know what to say around it.  It ached and ached.  So she just squeezed Lapis’s hand and then stood from the hard library chair. 

“I’d better get back to work.” she said softly to Lapis.  She nodded absently, but her eyes were far away.  A small sigh escaped from her lips, but she didn’t say anything more.  Pearl turned and began to work once more. 

They didn’t say much for the rest of the hour.  

                                                                                                                          -:-

Lapis had to admit that she moped her way through her all of her classes that morning.  It was stupid, and she knew it. 

Pearl was her girlfriend, and she knew very well that Pearl actually liked her, and she knew that Pearl wasn’t interested in other people.   Her brain knew that. 

But her stomach was still twisting into knots whenever she started thinking about Bismuth. 

The idea of the other girl flirting with Pearl, staring at Pearl, thinking about Pearl like _that_ , it made her blood boil. 

Thinking that it would be nice to date _her_ girlfriend.  Might be fun to kiss _her_ girlfriend. 

Lapis’s fists clenched underneath the desk.  Just thinking about it made her mad all over again. 

Around her people were chattering to one another.  Like stupid little forest animals.  Lapis propped her head up with the back of her hand, not resisting the scowl that pulled at her face. 

Suddenly she straightened, as someone very familiar walked into the classroom.  Bismuth. 

She was with another girl from one of the sports teams, and they were both laughing and talking and having a wonderful time.  It was her second week and already she had more friends than Lapis. 

Her gut twisted in a painful way.  Because she really hated her. 

But she could also very clearly see the attraction. 

She was tall and strong, dark skin perfect and flawless, glinting in the light.  Her hair was twisted back into a mass of tight braids, all held back from her forehead with a thick band of fabric that was woven with all the colors of the rainbow.  Lapis bit down on the inside of her cheek. 

She was gorgeous.  And she and Pearl would be amazing together. 

Their sizes would perfect, balancing one another out.  She was probably just a bit taller than Pearl, the perfect height. 

Bismuth could probably be charming and courteous to Pearl’s prissy parents.  If she smiled at them like she was right now, flashing all of her thick white teeth, they would be charmed in an instant. 

Lapis looked away, staring angrily at her book. Suddenly she heard a voice above her. 

Lapis looked up, blinking.  “What?” 

Bismuth was in front of her, hands on her hips.  “I said, didn’t I see you earlier?”  Lapis stared at her, expression wary.  She hesitated to answer.  “Why do you care?” 

It came out sharper than she meant, but she was feeling annoyed. 

Bismuth held up her hands.  “Hey.  Just asking.  My name’s Bismuth.”  She held out her hand, but Lapis didn’t take it. 

 _I know_ , she wanted to say.  But she stayed silent.  “Okay.” she said finally.  Bismuth arched an eyebrow. 

“Are you for real?” 

“Forget it, Bis.  That’s Lapis.  She’s always like that.” said the sports girl who was still hovering by her shoulder.  “Probably why she doesn’t have any friends.” she said with a sneer. 

Lapis was suddenly aware that everyone’s eyes were on them.  Watching to see what she would do. 

Lapis almost smirked.  They thought she’d be stupid enough to do something in the daylight.  _Please_. 

Bismuth said something else, jolting her out of her thoughts. 

“Why were you going in the library so early?” Bismuth asked.  Lapis’s mouth tightened.  “None of your damn business.”  she hissed. 

“You weren’t bothering that girl who helps out in there, were you?” the dark skinned girl asked, voice dropping. 

Lapis knew that the palms of her hands had to be bleeding, her fingernails were digging into her flesh so hard.  “Were _you_?” 

Bismuth looked taken aback for a moment, but then it disappeared.  “Of course not.  I would never treat such a sweet girl like that.” 

Lapis stared up at her, so angry she was almost shaking.  Bismuth didn't notice, and continued.  “I might not be from around here, but I know your type.  And I know how you treat people.” Her dark eyes focused onto Lapis’s.  “I want you to stay away from her.” she said in a low tone. 

Lapis almost hit her in the face. 

She desperately wanted to. But at the very last possible moment she stopped herself.  Lapis just sat there, still as the dead. 

 

“You know nothing about me.” she said, when Bismuth was turning away. 

 

She turned her head towards Lapis, but then the teacher walked in and began to talk and it was over.  But the room was still crackling with rage, and it wasn’t just from Lapis.  Lapis tried to unclench her fists, but she found that she could not.  

                                                                                                                                        -:-

As soon as the bell rang, Lapis grabbed her bag and stormed out of the room, before anyone could say anything to her.  She charged into the bathroom, people turning to look at her curiously. 

She ignored them all. 

The bathroom door swung closed behind her.  The room was empty.  Lapis exhaled, but it didn’t calm her down.  She went over to the bathroom sinks.  The mirrors reflected her angry face.  She scowled at herself. 

Turning on one of the faucets, she began to wash her hands, as if she could just wash away everything that was making her so mad.  She turned the water off, flicking water droplets everywhere.  The bathroom door opened with a creak, and she whirled around, a curse on the tip of her tongue, only to come face to face with the startled expression of her girlfriend. 

“Lapis?  What-“ 

Lapis grunted, turning away.  She began pulling off several paper towels.  “What are you doing in here?”  Pearl asked. Lapis rolled her eyes. “It’s a bathroom.  What do you think?” 

Pearl winced, and Lapis instantly felt bad.  But she didn’t apologize. 

“Why are you so mad? Are you mad at me?”  Pearl asked, her voice rising like it always did when she got nervous.

Lapis wadded up the paper towels and tossed them into the trash, still considering how to answer. 

“Officially met Bismuth today in class.” 

Pearl’s expression remained neutral.  “I take it something happened.”  Lapis snorted. 

“Yeah.” 

She exhaled, trying to calm herself. 

“ _Apparently_ , she’s discovered the truth about me.  That I’m just this evil freak who’s out to get you.  She even told me to stay away from you.” 

Pearl’s hand covered her mouth.  “Oh Lapis…”

Lapis laughed mirthlessly.  “Yep.  She wants me to stay away from my own girlfriend.” 

Pearl shut her eyes. “Lapis…that’s all garbage.  You need to just-“ 

“Just what? Forget about it?” Lapis said angrily.  “Forget that everyone thinks I’m just a mean freak who eats little children at night?  Forget that everyone thinks I’m garbage compared to you?”

Pearl shook her head.  “That isn’t true.” 

“I know that!  I’m not that insecure!  I’m just tired of everyone _else_ thinking that it’s true!” she said, aware that she was now yelling. 

Pearl’s mouth tightened. “Don’t get mad at me for this.” she said, her voice steely calm.  Lapis glared at her. 

“I _am_ mad at you for this. Because you have no idea how it feels.  You’re little miss perfect, and you always have been.  You’ve always had friends.  You don’t know what it’s like to feel hated.” 

Pearl winced.

“Lapis, I-“ 

“I don’t need to be loved.  I don’t care.  But it kills me to have a girlfriend who I am so, so proud of, so glad to be with, and she can’t even acknowledge me.” 

Pearl was trembling now.  “I’m not-“

Lapis cut her off again.  “I don’t need you to tell the world.  I don’t even need you to tell your parents.  But you…you won’t even defend me.  When this-this _girl_ tells me that she she likes you and I’d better not go near you.” 

There were tears falling down her cheeks now. But Lapis can barely feel them.  They are only feet apart, but they are so far away. 

Pearl is totally still, but she’s crying.  Lapis doesn’t move any closer to her. 

“Lapis…I-I didn’t mean…” her voice breaks and she stops.  Lapis doesn’t move. 

“Just forget it.”

Pearl looks up. “W-what?” 

“I need some space.  I don’t know.”  she shrugged, before she wiped her tears away with the back of her hand and walked out of the bathroom. 

Pearl is crying behind her, and Lapis wants to cry too.  But she still leaves, the door closing behind her.

                                                                                                                       -:- 

When Pearl took a bite of her food she almost spit it out again.  It tasted exactly like dirt. 

Her throat tightened, and she had to blink quickly several times to keep tears from welling up and out of her eyes.  This hurt so, so badly.  It hurt the most because it was true. 

She wanted, from the very beginning, to believe that it was all right to keep their relationship a secret.  And maybe, to some extent, it was.  After all they were both private people. 

But they couldn’t even eat lunch together.   Didn’t say hello in the halls, unless there was no one around to hear.  And it was all because of Pearl. 

Of how selfish and afraid she was. 

Pearl almost choked on the bite of food as she tried to swallow it down. Her hands began to tremble.  Suddenly she couldn’t stand it anymore.  Pearl shoved her lunch to the side and yanked out one of her textbooks, opening it with a loud slam. 

Hands clenched together to keep them from shaking, she began to read, lips murmuring the words, trying to keep the sickening thoughts from her mind.  

                                                                                                                                   -:-

It would’ve been a terrible day anyway, even if she hadn’t fought with Pearl.  Because Lapis had a horrible, awful hour and a half gym period that she never would’ve shown up for if she didn’t need it to graduate. 

So she did the next best thing.  Performed everything asked of her with the least amount of energy possible. 

It wasn’t that she was in terrible shape, Lapis actually considered herself to be rather athletic when she felt like it.  It had much more to do with the idea that someone, as in, the schooling system, was forcing her to move her body.   _Someone_ had to resist the power. 

Needless to say, the gym teacher was none too fond of her. 

Not that Lapis was really complaining, the feeling was sincerely mutual.  Nicely put, she hated the entire experience of gym.  Not nicely put was preceded by several curse words. 

Lapis scowled as she charged into the girl’s locker rooms, neatly twenty minutes late for class.  But she didn’t care, Lapis wasn’t about to change clothing with all the other girls. 

That was just…weird.

She sighed, slinging her bag down and slamming open her small locker.  She had just pulled of her t-shirt when she heard rushed footsteps and the slam of a door. 

Lapis almost groaned when she came face to face with a flushed Pearl.  She should’ve been surprised, but at this point she just…wasn’t.  Pearl instantly noticed her obvious lack of a shirt and blushed bright red. 

Quickly she turned away. Lapis rolled her eyes. 

“You’ve seen worse.” she said. As soon as the words fell out of her mouth she realized how nasty she sounded. 

Lapis bit her lip.  Pearl was ridged straight, with her back to Lapis.  

“…I know.”  she said softly.  The dip of her neck curved like a swan’s.  Lapis shut her eyes. 

They were both silent and still. 

Finally they both began to change into gym uniforms. Pearl kept her back to Lapis the entire time.  Only once did Lapis dare glance over,  seeing Pearl’s slender pale back, shoulder blades near white colored. 

She flushed and averted her eyes. 

Quickly they both finished, and then they both sat down on the bench to lace up their shoes.  Neither of them wanted to look at the other.  Lapis wanted to say something, but she stayed silent. 

She stood up from the bench, feeling rather annoyed, with herself as much as Pearl, when a pale hand grabbed out onto her hand. 

“Lapis wait.”

Lapis turned around, meeting her eyes for the first time.  “What?” she asked, her throat impossibly dry.  Pearl seemed to be having the same problem, as she swallowed once before she answered. 

“I’m sorry.” she said, voice a whisper.  Lapis winced.  “Pearl…you don’t-“

“No.  Everything you said was true.”  Her eyes filled with tears.  “I’m not being a good girlfriend.  I’m not being fair to you.” 

Lapis shook her head, unable to watch her cry.  “That’s not true.” 

Pearl’s lips curved into a watery smile as she shook her head.  “No.  I can’t keep treating you like this.” 

Lapis shook her head quickly.  “I-I-no, Pearl, I didn’t- I don’t want to break up.  That wasn’t what I….”

Pearl shook her head.  “I know.  That’s why I’m going to prove it to you. I’m not going to treat you this way anymore.” she said firmly.  Lapis stared at her. 

“Pearl I-“

Another door slam made her pause mid-sentence.  They both stared up at the annoyed face of their gym teacher.  “What on Earth do you two think you’re doing?  Get outside!  Now!” she said, pointing towards the door. 

Pearl was bright pink and mumbling apologies softly, but Lapis just rolled her eyes and sulked out the door.  Pearl followed very quickly behind her.  The P.E. teacher just sighed, and rubbed her eyes, as though she couldn’t fathom how this was actually her life. 

Lapis and Pearl went into the gym, and everyone was already there, so all eyes were on them.  Lapis ignored all of them, but Pearl looked very uncomfortable. Lapis straightened her back and met all of their eyes as she walked by them. 

They took a place at the end of the gym.

Not beside each other. 

Lapis dared a glance in Pearl’s direction, but the other girl wasn’t looking at her. Probably purposefully, although Lapis didn’t know for certain.

A knot of anger twisted inside her stomach as Lapis noticed Bismuth had joined their class.  She was busy talking with a few other girls, and didn’t seem to notice Lapis. Lapis bit her lip and looked away.  Perhaps they could just stay far apart from one another and simply not speak to one another again. 

Yes, _that_ was likely to happen. 

The teacher came into the room, clapping her hands together for silence.  The gym fell silent, as everyone turned their attention from their friends to the teacher. 

Bismuth straightened proudly under the teacher’s gaze and Lapis had to resist the urge to roll her eyes. 

“All righty everyone! If I could please have your attention.  Now, for starter’s, we have a new student joining us today.”  She gestured to Bismuth, who grinned around charmingly. 

“Hey everyone.” Bismuth said, waving. 

There were a few _hello_ ’s and _hi_ ’s and Lapis wanted to punch her in the face.  But she just clenched her hands and did nothing. 

“Now that that’s done with, we can get to today’s activities. We’re going to be doing something a little bit different today.  We’re going to have a game of…baseball!”  she said it excitedly, as if she expected people to start cheering. 

Everyone stared at her flatly. 

She sighed, deflating a little bit.  “All right.  Now, we’re going to divide this class into two teams, and the two teams will go up against each other.   Now, for team captains, hmm.  Susan and…uh,  Will.  You may begin to pick your players.” 

Lapis wished that she could melt into the floor. 

The two captains immediately began to pick all of their friends, quickly grabbing the best players in the class.  Will, a tall, sandy-haired guy who seemed relatively nice, picked Pearl for his team. 

Big surprise. 

Pearl went over to his side, eyes meeting Lapis’s for a micro second.  Lapis leaned against the wall, wishing that this was over already.  Then all of a sudden everyone else had been picked, and she was the lone person left. 

Even the skinniest, nerdiest, least athletic boy had been picked before her.

Both of the captains stared at her, and then glanced at one another.  Lapis rolled her eyes.  This didn’t hurt her feelings. 

It really didn’t. 

She focused her gaze onto the floor.  The P.E. teacher shifted uncomfortably.  “Come now.  Someone pick her.”

The tone of her voice was clear.  _Stop making this go on so long, it is embarrassing and I don’t want to deal with this_. 

Pearl was probably staring at her, wondering why on Earth she was dating such a loser.  Lapis crossed her arms, sighing.  “I’ll be happy to just leave early.” she offered. 

The teacher ignored her. 

“We’ll take her.”  Susan offered finally.  The teacher beamed at her with a shameful amount of gratitude.  “Wonderful!  Now that we’re all ready, we can begin!” she said, clasping her hands together. 

So now both Pearl and Bismuth were on Will’s team, and she was on Susan’s, along with a few other people she knew, including Amethyst.  Amethyst grinned at her, waving. Lapis smiled thinly. 

The teacher gave out supplies, and briefly explained the rules.  She didn’t listen, but she noticed Bismuth eyeing her carefully.  Lapis glared down at the floor.  There was a bit more talking, directions called out from the teacher, and then the game began. 

For most of the time Lapis was the person out on the edge, she guessed that she was supposed to be trying to catch the ball. 

Sports weren’t exactly…her thing. 

It turned out that Bismuth was a fantastic softball player.  Of course.  Her first hit at bat was home run.

Her team cheered loudly for her, clapping her on the back and congratulating her.  Her hand felt sweaty inside of the stupid leather mitten glove catching thing.  Whatever the stupid thing was.

She scowled, and tried to shut off her brain.  The next forty minutes were more of the same. 

Pearl got up to bat, and Lapis thought her heart was going to gag up from her throat. 

Her shorts were too short, her short pixie hair was too fluttery, and her lips were too adorably pursed in concentration.  It physically hurt to look at her.  She managed to hit the ball on the second pitch, and it landed on the floor a few feet away from Lapis. 

Pearl smiled widely, her team cheering loudly for her. 

Susan glared at Lapis. 

Lapis blinked, before her scowl returned.  Maybe that would teach her not to throw a big pity party for Lapis next time.   

A few more people got up to bat, and now Will’s team was clearly going to win.  There was almost no hope at this point.  Although it wasn’t as though Lapis cared at all. 

She just wanted to leave this nightmare. 

“Okay, now, Brian you’re at third base, Sophie at second, Pearl you’re in the out field, and Bismuth you’re up at bat!” The teacher called, and all the players moved according to her directions.  She glanced down at her clip board. 

“Oh, and…Lapis, you’re pitching.” 

There was a titter of laughing and whispered yeses from Will’s team, and a groan from her own team.  Lapis rolled her eyes.  She could, in fact, throw a ball. 

She just wasn’t…that great at it. 

Bismuth was smirking when she got up to bat. 

Someone handed Lapis the ball, and she stared at it, feeling sick.  She could feel everyone watching her, but she didn't dare meet any of their eyes.  “Into positions!  One, two…”

Lapis bent over, getting herself into position.  Everyone braced themselves.  Then, with all her force and strength, hurled the ball towards Bismuth. 

Bismuth missed. 

But it was strange. Lapis didn’t think anyone else saw it.  But Bismuth had missed, purposefully. 

There was a strange glint in the huge girl's eye. 

But Lapis didn’t have a real chance to dwell much on it.  “Strike one!” the teacher yelled. 

Someone tossed the ball back to Lapis.  She got into position.  Slowly she exhaled through her nose. Then, once more, with all of her strength, threw the ball towards Bismuth. 

This time it hit her bat, making a loud cracking sound.  But it was strange.  She must have hit it at a strange angle.

Before Lapis had a chance to react, there was a hiss through the air, and something slammed into her forehead.  There was a micro second of piercing pain, and then she felt her knees crumple from under herself, as everything went black.  

 

Pearl saw her fall.

But for a moment it didn’t register. This wasn’t right. 

They were just playing a baseball game.  Lapis was just throwing a ball. 

But somehow Bismuth had hit the ball right back at her, sending it hurling right into Lapis’s head. 

There had been a second of sheer silence, one that seemed to last an eternity, and then Lapis had crumpled to the hard floor of the gym.  She was just lying there, and no one could move. 

No one _did_ move. 

Pearl felt as though the universe were coming to a painful, screeching halt.  And then she was running over to her, her feet moving as if of their own accord.  It felt as though she were watching the actions of her body through a movie lens.  As though she were floating above everything. 

Lapis wasn’t moving.  She wasn’t getting up. 

Pearl slid to the floor, knees hitting the hard wood of the gym.  She didn’t care. 

Carefully she pushed Lapis over, onto her back.  She was breathing. 

Of course she was.  She wasn’t dead.  But her eyes were still shut. 

Pearl pushed up her bangs and saw that there was a huge welt already swelling on her forehead.   Suddenly an immense feeling of panic rushed over Pearl.  Lapis wouldn’t wake up. 

She shook her shoulders, as if she were simply asleep. 

“Lapis. Lapis, wake up.  Just wake up.”  she whispered, her voice wavering.  It did nothing.  Lapis still looked dead, except for the rise and fall of her chest. Suddenly there was a hand on her shoulder. 

“That’s not going to help, sweetheart.” the teacher said softly, crouching beside her.  Pearl’s eyes suddenly filled with tears.  “She won’t wake up.” she said tearfully, clutching at Lapis’s clammy hand. 

The teacher shook her head.  “Lapis will be fine.  We just need to get her to the nurse’s office.”  She gestured for Will, the captain of Pearl’s team to come help her pick up Lapis.   He was watching what was happening, almost as if in a daze, just like everyone else, but then he blinked, and came running across the room. 

“Get her up, yes, like that, yes.  We need to get her to the nurse’s asap.”   the teacher directed as he picked Lapis’s tiny body up easily.  Lapis’s eyes didn’t move in the slightest.  The teacher glanced over at her stupidly staring class, as though she was just remembering that they were there. 

“Ah…don’t, um go anywhere. Just-don’t move.” she said a bit desperately. 

Then, as if she didn’t want to see what would happen next, she darted out of the gym, Will shifting Lapis in his arms with a small grunt and then followed the teacher.  The heavy metal doors clanged shut behind them. 

The room was silent. 

Pearl stared after them, arms limp by her sides.  She couldn’t move, and she couldn’t think.  All she could see was Lapis lying there, not moving.  Her skin was clammy. 

Why was she not running after the teacher now?  Why was she not with Lapis? She needed to be there.  What was the matter with her? 

Pearl put a hand to her forehead, wincing.  Someone behind her snorted. 

“Wow. Never seen anyone ruin P.E. so fast.”  Bismuth said with a smirk.  Pearl stiffened. 

“It wasn’t her fault.” she said softly. 

Bismuth didn’t seem to hear her. 

“I mean, seriously? Have you ever seen anyone with a worse attitude? She had already practically ruined the game before she managed to get herself hit in the face.  I bet she was faking the entire thing, if you ask me.  Wanted everyone’s attention.” Bismuth laughed carelessly. 

There was deathly calm rushing through Pearl’s body. It was like she couldn’t feel her fingertips.  Her lips tightened into the straightest line.  In the back of her mind she saw Amethyst come up beside her, say something, but her mind was too full to hear it. 

“She was unconscious.”

Pearl’s voice was deathly calm, and no longer a whisper.  Bismuth glanced at her.  “…Okay.”

Pearl’s eyes focused on the darker girl’s, and she stepped closer to her.  “And _surely_ you could be the one to explain this, since you’re the person who _hit the ball into her face_.” she hissed. 

Bismuth blinked. 

There was a tiny second of surprise, fear, but then it was gone, returned to the same cockiness as before.

“Lousy throw.  Girl can’t pitch to save her life.” she said, shrugging carelessly.  Pearl nodded, but her fists clenched tightly.  “Really.” 

Bismuth grinned.  “What are you suggesting?  That I hit her on purpose?” 

Pearl’s eyes were dark. 

 

“That’s what it looked like.” 

 

She was vaguely aware that everyone in the gym was now watching them, but some deep part of her was too angry to care. 

“Well, I didn’t. It was just an accident.” Bismuth smirked.  “Besides, Lapis was a total jerk.  She deserved it.” she said with utter confidence in herself.

There was a silence in her mind.  And then a swelling of something that could only be described as pure and utter rage.  It took control of her body.  Pearl just stopped thinking.  It took her mind a minute to catch up with the actions that it was seeing, and she realized that she had just slapped Bismuth hard across the face. 

Amethyst was pulling her back and Pearl was shoving her away. 

Bismuth’s hand was against her cheek, her eyes wide with shock.  Just pure shock. 

There were tears on her cheeks, but they were more from rage than sadness.  “Y-you’re just a thug! A thug and a bully! You think that Lapis is so terrible but you’re worse!  Why on Earth do you think that she acts the way she does?  Because of people like _you_.  You are _disgusting_.” Pearl cried out, her eyes never leaving Bismuth’s. 

Amethyst was at her shoulder, hand at her wrist, but it didn’t matter.  All the fire was gone.  She shut her eyes and turned away. 

The gym doors slammed behind her as she left the gym.  

                                                                                                                        -:-

She sagged into the girl’s locker room, the place entirely and thankfully empty. 

Pearl didn’t feel as though she could properly speak to another human being at the moment.  Slowly she sat down on one of the benches, resting her head between her knees.  There was nothing in her mind.  She felt dizzy.  As though she might throw up. 

Her hands ran through her short hair, but it didn’t make her feel calm.  She needed to do something.  But there was nothing that she could do.  Pearl was completely, utterly powerless.

Suddenly the locker door swung open. Pearl looked up, staring at Amethyst’s mystified gaze. 

“What?” she managed to croak out. 

Amethyst shook her head.  “…just, wow.  Damn.  I didn’t know you had all that in you.  I’ve never seen you get that mad about _anything_.  Like, ever.  Even that teacher who gave you a B+ on that English paper you wrote in sixth grade.” 

Pearl smiled weakly.  “That was entirely unfair.  That paper was an A- at the very slowest.” she said quietly.  Amethyst laughed softly, and she sat down beside her. 

They were silent for a little while.  Pearl sniffled, wiping at her nose with the back of her hand.  “P, are you okay?” Amethyst asked softly. 

Pearl’s hands clenched together.  Her eyes suddenly swelled with tears. 

“…no.” she said, voice cracking. 

Amethyst stared at her, purple eyes wide, and then suddenly Pearl was sobbing before she knew what was happening.  Amethyst wrapped her arms around her thin torso in a hug, which was ever so slightly awkward, given just how much shorter she was than Pearl, but Pearl hugged her back tightly. 

She buried her face into Amethyst’s hair.

“What if she’s not okay? A-Amethyst, what if she’s not okay? What if she doesn’t wake up?  I don’t know what to do…Ame, I don’t know what to do.” she said through her sobs. 

Amethyst just kept hugging her.  “It’ll be fine.  It’ll all be fine.” Amethyst kept murmuring over and over.  Finally Pearl pulled away from her, rubbing at her eyes. 

“You okay now?” Amethyst asked.  Pearl nodded shakily. 

Amethyst grinned at her.  “Good.  Now, we need ta go check on your girl. You good for that?”  Pearl nodded again.  “Yes, yes.  I-I am.” 

The shorter girl patted her shoulder.  “Course you are.”

They both stood slowly, Amethyst giving Pearl a chance to pull a handkerchief from her pocket and wipe at her eyes, which she was certain were red and puffy.  Once she finished, Amethyst gave her a thumbs up, to which Pearl rolled her eyes. 

“You ready?” 

Pearl nodded.  “Just let me get my bag.”  Quickly she retrieved her purse from the locker, and then gave a brisk nod to Amethyst.  “Ready.” she said, her voice only wavering slightly.  They left the locker room together, and Pearl silently thanked the stars for Amethyst.  

                                                                                                                                -:-

When they reached the nurse’s office there were voices drifting loudly from inside.  Pearl and Amethyst stared a glance, before Pearl pushed opened the door.  The scene inside instantly undid the knots inside Pearl’s stomach. 

Lapis was sitting up in a chair, drinking something through a straw. Her eyes looked hazy, and the way she was holding herself was wrong. 

But her eyes were open.

Pearl couldn’t help the relieved smile that grew on her lips.  The gym teacher was busy talking to the nurse, but they both looked up when the two girls came in.  The teacher frowned. 

“Shouldn’t both of you be in class?” 

Amethyst shrugged.  “I don't think _anyone’s_ in class anymore.” 

The teacher sighed.  “All right.” 

Pearl went over to Lapis’s side, the blue haired girl following her eyes.  “Are you okay?” Pearl murmured to her softly.  Lapis stared at her, before she suddenly let herself fall onto Pearl’s shoulder.  Pearl flushed, but made no attempt to push her away.

“Peaaaarl.” she dragged out. 

“Yes?” 

“My head _hurts_.” she mumbled, shutting her eyes.  “It hurts….”

Pearl bit her lip, because right now, her girlfriend was clearly out of it.  She glanced up at the nurse.  “Is-is she all right?”

The nurse looked up from her clipboard.  “She’ll be fine.  I’ve given her medicine, and she’ll be a bit out of it for a while.” she answered crisply. Pearl nodded, glancing back down at Lapis, who was now drooling a little bit on her shoulder.  Suddenly she felt very very protective of the girl on her shoulder. 

“Can she go home?” she asked suddenly.  The nurse glanced up. 

“…I suppose.  But she certainly can’t be alone right now.  She’s going to need medicine regularly, and while she needs to rest, someone needs to be there to make sure she doesn’t slip into unconsciousness again.” 

“All right.  I’ll be glad to.”  she said instantly. 

The nurse glanced at the gym teacher.  “She needs a legal guardian.” she hissed to the teacher. 

“What about her mother?”  Pearl asked. 

The nurse shook her head.  “She’s the only contact that Lapis has.  But she’s not answering any of our calls.” 

Pearl bit her lip, as Lapis shifted uncomfortably on her shoulder.  “She needs to go home.  Lapis can’t just stay here all day.  Please, let me help. She’s my friend.” she said earnestly. 

The two women shared another glance between them.  The teacher sighed.  “All right.  Pearl, I trust you. You can take her home, and we just won’t mention this around.” 

Pearl nodded, smiling gratefully.  “Thank you.  Thank you so much.” The teacher nodded, and while the nurse still looked a bit hesitant, after a glance from the other woman she nodded as well. 

“I’ll explain what you’ll need to do, and then you can take her to her home.” 

Pearl nodded immediately, and the nurse began explaining to her what she would have to do. Lapis shifted, nuzzling into her side.  Pearl blushed, hoping that everyone else would be too busy to notice. 

Luckily, the nurse was too busy talking, and the gym teacher was busy watching her, for either of them to notice. 

Amethyst, who was leaned up against the doorway, did notice however, and she smirked at Pearl.  Pearl did her best to glare at her with her eyes, while still keeping her face polite. 

It must not have worked out very well, because Amethyst just laughed. 

“-and she’ll need to drink plenty of water.  Do you understand all of that, Pearl?” Pearl nodded.  “Yes, of course.  Got it.”

On her shoulder Lapis made a strange little noise.  Sort of a mix between a grunt and a sigh.

Pearl stomach tightened.  

                                                                                                                             -:-

Getting Lapis home was a bit more…difficult, than Pearl had anticipated. 

For starters, she had way over-assumed how self aware Lapis currently was.  Like, she had just assumed that Lapis would be able to walk normally.  As in, upright.

That was not the case. 

Lapis did well enough as they left the school, but by the time they got to Lapis’s neighborhood she was starting to stagger.  Pearl had to grab her quickly, or she might have fallen on her face. 

Luckily Amethyst had offered to help, and get out of school in the process, so she was there to help Pearl support the other side of Lapis.  Lapis just buried her face into Pearl’s sweater and groaned. 

When they got to Lapis’s house, it was a bit of a trick getting Lapis’s keys out of her bag, but they managed.  Amethyst held Lapis upright while Pearl dug her keys from the bottom of Lapis’s very disorganized school bag. Perhaps she would reorganize it when Lapis wasn’t looking. 

She unlocked the door and they all stumbled in.  Finally they got Lapis to her bedroom, and instantly Lapis flopped down, face first onto her bed.  Pearl immediately went over to her, rubbing at her shoulder. 

“Sweetheart, are you alright?”

Amethyst snorted, making Pearl jump.  Because, with all honesty, she had forgotten that they weren’t alone.  “Does she look okay to you?  We just dragged her butt half the way here!” 

Pearl shot her an evil glare. 

Amethyst shrugged, flopping down in one of the chairs inside Lapis’s room.  Pearl decided to ignore her for the moment and turned her attention back to Lapis. 

“Lapis?” 

Lapis grunted, her face buried in pillows. “Do you think you could try to at least roll over?  I need to look at your head, make sure that the swelling’s not getting worse.”  Lapis grunted again, but after a few more coaxing nudges from Pearl, shifted over to lay on her back.  

It was slightly worrying to see that her eyes were still glassy and confused.  But the nurse had explained that it was just a symptom of the medicine she had given her.

 Carefully Pearl brushed her blue bangs away from her forehead, trying to get a good look at the swelling.  When she found it she winced.  Amethyst did as well. 

“Ugh, that looks nasty.”

Pearl nodded. 

There was a huge knot forming at the base of her hairline, where Bismuth hit her. It was starting to darken slightly.  Lapis’s eyelids were starting to droop closed. 

“Oh Lapis….oh my poor, poor darling.”  Pearl murmured, hand cupping her cheek.  Behind her Amethyst was rolling her eyes. 

Pearl moved her hand away, letting her bangs flop back into place.  Lapis made a small noise. 

“What?”  Pearl asked quietly. 

Lapis shifted, swallowing. It seemed to be painful. 

“Pearl…”

“Yes?” 

“I feel bad.” Lapis said getting teary eyed. 

“I know.  Sweetheart, I know.  But you’ll feel better soon.”

Lapis blinked, tears trickling down her cheeks.  “Promise?” she mumbled.  Pearl nodded, rubbing at her fingers.  “I promise.  I won’t leave till you’re better.” Lapis nodded tiredly. 

“Okay.”

Pearl smiled at her.  “How about we get your shoes off and then you can try to sleep a little, okay?” 

Lapis nodded, clutching at her fingers.  Gently Pearl helped her get her shoes off, and pull back the covers on her bed.  Lapis slipped inside, and Pearl made certain to tuck the blankets tightly around her.  Lapis sank into the pillows, eyes fluttering. 

Pearl smiled gently at her.  “There, now try to sleep.  I’ll check on you later, okay?” she said, squeezing her hand. 

“Okay.” Lapis mumbled, but she didn’t close her eyes.  Pearl laughed softly.  “That’s not how you sleep.” 

Lapis stared up at her, a strange look in her eyes.  It was almost worrying.  “Pearl?”

“Hm?” 

“I love you.” Lapis mumbled, eyes fluttering.  Pearl turned beet red.  “-oh, um.”

“A lot.” Lapis said sleepily. 

Pearl bit her lip, before she decided that she didn’t care.  “I love you a lot too.” she whispered back. 

Lapis shifted, and her eyes sank closed.  Pearl just stood there, watching the even rising and falling of her chest.  She just had to make certain. 

Finally, once she was positive that Lapis wasn’t going to stop breathing any time soon, she exhaled and turned around.  Amethyst was staring at her. 

Pearl felt herself blush.  “W-what?”

Amethyst shook her head, tiny smile twisting at her lips.

“Nothin'.”

Pearl stared at her for another minute and then decided to forget it.  “I’m going to get some ice for her head. The nurse said it might help the pain a bit too.” Amethyst nodded.  “Okay. I’ll help.” 

Pearl nodded quickly, and carefully squeezed Lapis’s hand one last time before softly letting go.  Lapis didn’t react, remaining deeply asleep.  But her chest kept rising and falling with slow, even breaths, and so Pearl felt that it would be alright to leave her alone for just a few moments. 

Gently she stood, slipping up from Lapis’s bed, and she and Amethyst started downstairs to the kitchen. 

                                                                                                                             -:-

Pearl flicked on the lights inside the large room, and then began to look around for anything that one could use as a cold press.  So far, it seemed as though they had nothing. But Pearl wasn’t giving up.

Amethyst stood and watched her opening drawers and cabinet doors, her arms crossed. “Didn’t know Lapis’s house was this big.” Amethyst said, a sort of surprise in her voice. Pearl glanced up from her position on the floor.  “Um….yes, I suppose she does.”

Amethyst nodded again.  “It’s cool.” Pearl looked at her a bit strangely.  

"Amethyst, help me look."  Amethyst rolled her eyes, but she began to open cabinets too. "Yeah, sure.  Don't get mad here." she said with a smirk.  

Pearl arched an eyebrow.  "What do you mean by that?"  

Amethyst laughed.  "I mean, you gonna huge temper, miss I-hit-people-in-the-face-when-I-get-annoyed."  

Pearl glared at her.

"I do not have a temper Amethyst!"

Amethyst grinned.  “See? That’s what I’m talkin’ about!”  Pearl huffed again and shoved at her shoulder.  “Just help me find a plastic bag or something to make an ice pack for my poor suffering girlfriend.”  Amethyst rolled her eyes. 

“Fiiine.” 

They both began rummaging through the kitchen.  “So…was that whole _I love you_ thing because Lapis is high out of her mind, or is that, like, stuff you two do now?” Amethyst asked suddenly. 

Pearl flushed darkly and Amethyst smirked.  “Oh, I’m gonna have _soo_ much fun teasing Lapis about this.” 

Pearl rolled her eyes and said nothing.  “Oh! Here we go.” she said smiling, as she yanked out a plastic freezer bag from the cabinet underneath the kitchen sink. 

“Great. We done?” Pearl nodded.  “Get a cloth from over there,” she gestured at a particular drawer, “so we can wrap the bag in it.”  Amethyst nodded, and did as she requested.  Pearl filled the bag almost half full with ice, and then carefully sealed it. 

Quickly, as her hands were starting to grow numb, she wrapped the small bag of ice in the kitchen towel that Amethyst had gotten her. 

“How do you know how to do all this?” Amethyst asked her, a bit bewildered.  A tiny smile curved at Pearl’s lips.  “Ballet.  You’d be horrified at the number of sprained ankles I've gotten over the years.”

Amethyst laughed.

                                                                                                                             -:- 

Pearl sighed softly. 

Amethyst and Lapis were now both asleep.  Lapis had gone back to sleep after Pearl had given her the cold press for her forehead, and it seemed to help, despite the outcry that Lapis gave when she had first placed it against her skin. 

Then Amethyst had gotten bored herself and flopped back in one of Lapis’s chairs to take a nap. That had been almost an hour before. 

Both girls were still deep asleep. 

Pearl, who had already finished all of her homework, was now bored silly.  She had tried shutting her eyes herself, but that was hopeless.  So she decided to focus on the only thing that she was currently able to think about. 

Elbows propped up on her knees, she sat perfectly still and simply watched her girlfriend sleep. 

The sheets were still tucked tightly around her, but Pearl had to resist the urge to fuss with them more.  She found that tended to wake people up. 

Her hand was lying over her chest, clutched tight at the blankets.  Lapis’s chest rose and fell with a slow grace, and just the sight of something so simple made Pearl feel so much better.

Her short fluttery hair was splayed out behind her, like a beautiful glistening cloud of blue.  Lapis’s eyes were pressed tightly together, eyelashes dark like feathers across her cheeks. 

Patches of sunlight fell from the open windows, highlighting the sparkles of freckles splattered over her cheeks. Her heart shaped lips parted slightly as she took another slow, deep breath.

Something inside of Pearl melted.  A feeling that made tears well up in her eyes. An immense gratefulness that Lapis was actually all right. 

As if she had heard Pearl’s own silent thoughts, Lapis’s eyes slowly fluttered open.  It took her a minute, and Pearl was careful to give her space while she regained her senses.  Her eyes blinked hazily once or twice, slowly focusing on Pearl.  Her lips parted, and she swallowed. 

“….Pearl?” 

Her voice was dry and tired.  Pearl nodded, a watery smile pulling at her lips. 

“Yes Lapis?”

Lapis winced, shifting slightly in the bed sheets.  “C-ome here?” she whispered.  Her hand, the one that was resting on her chest, trembled slightly. 

Pearl couldn’t say no.  Softly she stood, and moved to perch on the corner of Lapis’s bed.  She carefully took Lapis’s hand in her own, holding it tightly.  Pearl was shocked at how freezing it was. 

“Lapis, darling, you’re like ice.  Do you want another blanket or-“

“Pearl.” Lapis cut her off. 

There was a small, fond smile on her face.  Pearl sighed.  “Sorry. I’ve been just so worried about you.”

Lapis laughed softly, her eyes catching the light.  “Don’t be.” 

Pearl sniffled.  “I can’t help it.  I just- I couldn’t stop thinking about how if something worse…had happened. I-we would’ve still been fighting.  L-Lapis I-“ her voice broke and she stopped, as tears escaped from her eyes.  Lapis stared at her, eyes wide and gleaming with unfallen tears. 

“Pearl…I’m so sorry. I shouldn’t have said those things.  I didn’t mean them.  Bismuth just made me so… _jealous_. She got in the way of us.  I let her get in the way. And I’m so sorry.” she said, her blue eyes earnest. 

Pearl laughed softly as more tears ran down her cheeks.  Carefully she wiped them away.  “I’m sorry too. I try too hard to ignore you, and that’s completely awful. I promise that I’ll do better.”

Lapis smiled at her, sun glinting off her cheeks, and Pearl felt so much better. They stared at one another, both wanting something, yet Lapis couldn’t move on it, and Pearl wasn’t sure if she should. 

“Pearl…” Lapis mumbled, smirking.  “Come onnnn.”

Pearl bit her lip.  “You’re still hurt.”

“Yeah, and I want a kiss to make it better.” Lapis said pouting a little. Pearl stared at her.  Lapis looked back hopefully. Suddenly Pearl couldn’t bare it any longer. 

She rushed forward, pressing her lips against Lapis’s. 

Lapis was surprised for half a moment, and then she was kissing Pearl back just as eagerly.  One of Pearl’s hands rested on Lapis’s shoulder, and the other wove into her hair.  Lapis’s hands were a bit slower, as her mind was still slower as well.

They wrapped around Pearl’s neck, pulling her even closer to Lapis.  Pearl smiled and kissed her even harder.  Perhaps it was a little ridiculous to be kissing like this, but Pearl couldn’t help it.  She was just so grateful that her girlfriend was all right, and she couldn’t bare to keep away from her. 

They would pull apart, lungs gasping for air, and then they would move at one another again. 

Pearl felt a moan rising in her throat, when-

“Not that this isn’t hot, but it’s starting to get a little boring.” 

They jerked apart, to see Amethyst sitting up, smirk wide on her face.  “Amethyst!” Pearl screeched, face beet red. 

Amethyst laughed in her dry, gravelly way. “Hey.  I don’t mind if you two are horny, I just don’t really wanna see it.” 

Pearl sat up, huffing.  Lapis shifted onto her side, blue eyes glancing over at Amethyst critically.  “Were you ever even asleep?”

Amethyst shrugged.  “I sleep light.” 

Pearl rolled her eyes.  “ _Please_. I’ve tried to wake you up before.” Amethyst snorted, brushing her bangs out of her eyes. 

They were all silent for a minute.  Amethyst shifted awkwardly.  “So…how are you?” she asked Lapis. 

Lapis smiled tiredly. “Fine.  Although, believe it or not, I have a headache.”

Pearl and Amethyst both looked at her. 

Amethyst snorted. “You have a weird sense of humor.”

Lapis just smirked. 

“My throat is really dry though.  D-do you think I could have some water?” she asked a little bit shyly.  Pearl immediately turned to Amethyst.  “Go get her water.”

Amethyst looked at her.  “Excuse me?” 

Pearl glared at her, and Amethyst promptly hopped up. 

“Be right back.” 

She glanced over her shoulder.  “And you better not be makin' out when I get back.”

“Amethyst!” 

The door fell closed behind her. Pearl sighed, turning back to Lapis only to find the blue haired girl staring at her. Her blue curls hung around her cheeks in an ethereal cloud, shimmering in the light. 

Pearl’s breath hitched in her throat. 

Lapis tilted her head slightly.  “What is it?” 

“I love you.” Pearl blurted.  Lapis’s cheeked darkened.  “Pearl I-“ 

“I don’t know what I would have done if something worse had happened to you.  I don’t know what I would do if something ever _did_ happen to you.”  Lapis’s eyes watered.  “You won’t ever know.” 

Pearl quickly wiped at the corner of her eye.  “I hope not.” she said, laughing nervously.  Without thinking about it, their hands found each other’s, wrapping together tightly.  Lapis smiled at, her gentle and soft.

“I love you too Pearl.”

 

 

 _“No mushy staring either!”_  

Pearl whirled around, charging angrily to her feet.  “Amethyst! If you don’t stop all this right now, I swear I'll…”

Lapis watched Pearl begin yelling at Amethyst while the short girl just laughed, and Lapis bit back a smile. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you thought I wouldn't write baseball into my story, then surprise!! I really couldn't help myself tho;) Does it matter if I have not a clue how baseball actually works? Nooooo ; D
> 
> Anyway, hope all of you had fun breaks! I did, and my mind just feels so much better now :D
> 
> See all u in a month!!


	18. I got you

“Ow! Pearl, that’s really cold!”

Pearl winced apologetically.  “Sorry.”  Carefully she repositioned the ice pack over the still swollen welt on Lapis’s forehead. Lapis bit her lip, the ice still stinging against her skin.  Amethyst had left a little bit ago, saying they were both acting too mushy and gross for her. But she said it with a teasing smirk. 

Finally Pearl got the ice positioned properly, and Lapis let out a small sigh of relief. 

Their eyes met.  Pearl’s fingers moved to cup her cheek softly. The older girl’s eyes were serious, and there was a bit of sadness in them. 

Lapis couldn’t help but flush when Pearl was looking at her like that. All this kindness and attention wasn’t something that Lapis was used to.  Slowly she covered the hand that was resting on her cheek with her own hand.

“I’m so, so sorry.” Pearl murmured, eyes growing even sadder. Lapis stared at her, and suddenly laughed.  Pearl seemed surprised by that reaction. “What?” 

Lapis shook her head.  “Why are you sorry? You’re not the one that whacked me in the face.”

Pearl winced again.  “I know.  I’m just sorry that you got hit at all in the first place.” Lapis shifted against the pillows that were pressed softly against her shoulders and head, propping her up. 

“That’s silly. Don’t think that way.” Lapis said firmly.  Pearl sighed through her nose, and Lapis knew that she wasn’t going to listen.  Lapis shifted so that she was leaned more on one side.

“Hey.  Do you think you would, ah…” she trailed off, eyes hesitant.  Pearl smiled softly.  “Sure.” 

She gracefully flopped down beside Lapis and then, very carefully, wrapped her arms around her torso, tugging Lapis into her side.  Lapis sighed softly, nuzzling into her cardigan. Pearl’s fingers threaded through her hair, smoothing it gently. 

“I wonder how many people get hit in the face with a baseball in P.E?” Lapis mumbled suddenly.  Pearl’s fingers stilled in her hair, and Lapis heard a muffled laugh.  “I…think that you would have to have rather foul luck for that to happen. I don’t believe that very many people would count that as a part of their high school experience."

Lapis snorted. “Screw the high school experience.”

Pearl laughed softly again.  “My thoughts exactly.”

Lapis sighed into her neck.  “Pearl…”

“Hm?”

Lapis shifted just enough so she could glance up at her. “Do-do you ever wonder what sort of life you’d have if you were normal? If you…you know, liked guys.” Lapis asked quietly. 

Pearl smiled wryly.  “If I wasn’t gay?”

Lapis nodded. 

Pearl’s eyes unfocused, gazing at something far away.  She was silent for a moment.  “All the time.  I always supposed that if I were normal, then I’d be…perfect.  Everyone would be happy with me then.  My mother wouldn’t worry, and my father wouldn’t be so offended all the time. I might... actually be able to really be friends with the other girls. Probably sit around, gossiping about all our boyfriends, day and night.” 

Pearl smiled wryly. 

Lapis’s hands clutched at Pearl’s sweater, as though she had to hold onto her, somehow. “…do you ever wish that you weren’t this way?” Lapis asked, voice barely a whisper.  Pearl’s eyes studied over her face, thinking for a moment before she answered.

“…yes. I wished that I could just love a boy, and then everything would be fixed.  All my problems would be solved, just like that.” She snapped her fingers.  “And then I met you.  And I stopped wishing.” 

Lapis felt like her stomach had flipped over on itself.  She swallowed, her throat impossibly dry.  Pearl smiled softly, continuing. “I never realized how wonderful this could feel.  Being with you. I am just so…glad.  I’m glad that I can be with you. Glad that I want to be with you. If I wasn’t who I am, then I might…not.  And I would never, ever wish for that.” 

Lapis sniffled, quickly wiping at her eyes. “That’s really… _Pearl_.” 

Pearl smiled brightly.  “What?” 

Lapis buried her face into her chest.  “Ughhhh.”

The blonde just laughed.  “Besides, I can’t tell you how many years I sat around, dreading the fact that I would have to marry a guy.  My life has dramatically improved!” she said, grinning. 

Lapis couldn’t help but giggle. She snuggled closer, shutting her eyes. Pearl’s fingers stroked gently at her hair, and Lapis felt herself being lulled into sleep.  

 

A little while later Pearl nudged her gently with her shoulder.

Lapis blinked sleepily, rubbing at her eyes.  Pearl must have removed the ice pack from her forehead, because she no longer felt the cold weight of it against her skin.

The taller girl was leaning over her, blue eyes wide.  Lapis swallowed, her throat tight with dryness. “Pearl…what is it?”

Pearl smiled gently, but there was still the stress from earlier behind it.  “Lapis…it’s getting late. We need to figure out what we’re going to do for tonight.” 

It took a minute or two for Lapis to process what she said.  “Um…just go on home, Pearl.  I’ll be fine. Really.”  she mumbled, trying to force a smile.  Pearl looked at her incredulously.

“Lapis.  I’m not leaving you here alone. That’s-that would be utterly ridiculous.” Pearl said firmly. 

“But what-don’t you have to be home?” Lapis asked.  Pearl bit her lip.  “Let me go talk to my mother.” 

Her brow furrowed.  “Is there anything you need?”

Lapis shook her head.  The older girl nodded, face still a bit worried.  “All right.” 

She bent over, pressing a quick kiss against Lapis’s cheek, and then stood. “Wish me luck.” she said, forcing a smile.  Lapis tried to return it, but she just felt too sleepy to do so. 

Pearl turned and left the room, shutting the door carefully behind herself.  Lapis sighed, eyes focused on the ceiling.  A part of her wished that Pearl would come back and hold her again. 

She felt cold.  Lapis shifted on her bed and waited.  

                                                                                                               -:-

Pearl took a deep breath before finally dialing the phone.  It rang for a minute.  Then someone picked up the phone with a small click on the other end. 

“Hello?” 

Pearl exhaled.  “Mother? It’s me, Pearl.” 

“Pearl. Where are you? It’s getting late.” Her mother’s voice was impatient.  “I’m still at Lapis’s house. I-I wanted to ask, would it be all right if I stayed over tonight?” 

There was a moment of silence, and it was just enough time for Pearl’s hopes to rise. 

“Absolutely not. You have school tomorrow. You’re aware of that, Pearl.” 

Pearl winced.  “But Mother, it’s important.”  Her mother sniffed.  “Oh? How so?”  Pearl bit her lip.  “Mother, Lapis, she’s hurt.  There was an accident at PE today, and she hit her head pretty bad.” 

“What happened?”

“She got hit in the face by a baseball, and now she’s got a really bad swollen place on her forehead.  The nurse said she might not be able to even come to school for a few days.” 

There was another silent period.  “And you want to stay and take care of her?”  Pearl swallowed.  “Y-yes.  Mama, her mother’s not answering any of the school’s calls.  She doesn’t have any other family.  I-I- she can’t just be left alone all night long.” 

Her mother was stone silent.  “I see. All right, then I'll come over and stay with her.” 

Pearl froze. 

“…what?”

“I will come and watch her over night.  And then tomorrow we will decide what needs to be done.” her mother said decidedly.  Pearl’s mouth opened in protest, and then she shut it again.  Her mother’s mind was made up.  She could hear it from the tone of her voice.  

So Pearl just took a deep breath and nodded.  “I understand.  I’ll…see you when you get here.” 

Her mother made a small hm.  “Yes. See you then, dear.”  And with that, she hung up.  Pearl exhaled, rubbing her eyes. 

Oh boy. 

She trudged back to Lapis’s room, feeling less than excited about what she had to tell her.  But her feet dragged her all the way up there, and she found herself back, standing in front of Lapis’s bedroom door.  She took a small breath, straightened her sweater, and opened the door. 

Lapis’s eyes were shut, but they fluttered open when the door creaked open.  Pearl smiled weakly.  “Hey.  I-I didn’t wake you, did I?” 

Lapis grinned faintly, shaking her head. “Nah.  I was just resting.  Not really able to sleep.”  Her blue eyes studied over Pearl's face.  “Is everything all right?” 

Pearl bit her lip, trying to contain herself.  Then it all just spilled out. 

“Lapis I know you’re not going to be happy but I called my mother and asked if I could stay the night and she said no and I told her why, and now she’s coming over to watch you for tonight.”  she blurted all in a rush. 

Lapis blinked.  “…your mom’s coming over? _Now_?”  Pearl nodded, shutting her eyes.  “I’m so sorry Lapis.  I tried, but I can’t ever actually…talk my mother out of things.”  Lapis groaned, shutting her eyes.  “Ughhh.” 

Pearl hovered by the bed, wringing her hands together.  She felt absolutely terrible, but there was nothing she could do.  Finally Lapis sighed, opening her eyes.  Her eyes met Pearl’s bashful ones.

“I’m not mad at you Pearl.” she said with a weak smile.  Gently she held out her hand to the other girl.  Hesitantly, Pearl took it, sitting down beside her on the mattress.  Carefully their fingers laced together.  Lapis’s fingers were cold, and rather thin feeling. 

“This’ll be fine.  At least this means that you can stay.” Lapis said, and Pearl got the feeling that she was trying to be optimistic about the whole thing.  “I can’t bare to be around you around my parents and you know that.” Pearl said frustratedly. 

“Pearl, it’s not-“

“There is no way that I can completely hide my feelings for you.  Lapis, they’re just…You’re my girlfriend, not my _girl_ friend. The chances that I’m going to just accidentally kiss you in front of someone are growing and growing.” 

There was a small smile curling at Lapis’s lips.  “You must really want to kiss me a lot.”  Her eyes were teasing.  Pearl slapped her lightly on the shoulder.  “Oh, you…”

Lapis giggled.  Pearl leaned closer, hand that wasn’t clutched in Lapis’s moving to rest lightly on her shoulder. “It won’t be like this forever.” she said softly.  Lapis’s expression changed to one of confusion.  “What do you-“

“You and I, we’re not going to be a secret forever. Sometime, sometime soon, we’re going to tell everyone.  And we can kiss whenever we please.  We can be proper…girlfriends. I will go around and brag about you to everyone.  Anyone with an ear.  I promise.” 

Lapis stared at her, blue eyes swelling slightly.  “Pearl…” 

Pearl smiled wryly.  “I promise Lapis.” 

The blue haired girl shook her head.  “I don’t care.  I just wish I knew what I did to deserve someone like you.”  Pearl laughed, eyes now wet as well.  “I don’t know what I did either.”  Lapis laughed again. 

“That’s my line.”

She held her arms open, and Pearl fell into them, hugging her tightly.  Lapis’s arms held her back just as tight.  Pearl clung to her tightly, hoping that somehow, if she just held Lapis close enough she could hold onto her forever. 

And then the doorbell rang, and all her hopes were shattered.

Slowly Pearl let go of Lapis.  Their eyes met, both filled with worry and nerves.  But Pearl couldn’t let Lapis see how nervous she was.  It was up to her to be calm, confident one now. 

Oh no.

But she forced what she hoped was a bright confident smile, pressed a light kiss against the crown of Lapis’s hair, and stood.  “I’ll get that.” she said, and then darted out of the room.  

                                                                                                                             -:-

When Pearl opened the door, her mother was sporting her usual frown.  Pearl inhaled, smiling quickly.  “Mother.  Hello.” she said, trying to be cheerful sounding. 

Her mother nodded crisply. “Hello to you too, sweetheart.”

Pearl stepped aside and her mother came into the house.  The heels of her shoes clicked against the glistening wood floors that lined Lapis’s floors.  Her mother glanced around their surroundings, eyes cold. 

Pearl tried to continue breathing normally. Her mother turned around.  “Where is Lapis now?” 

“S-she’s upstairs. In her room.  So that she can rest.”  Pearl hoped that perhaps there was a chance that her mother wouldn’t want to see Lapis.  Maybe she could keep her away from Lapis just until the morning. 

But the next words out of her mother's mouth killed that thought promptly. 

“All right.  I’ll go to see her, and decide if she needs anything immediately.”  Pearl nodded weakly.  “Ah…it’s this way.” she murmured softly, gesturing to the staircase that led up to Lapis’s room. 

Her mother nodded cooly, gesturing for Pearl to lead the way.  Pearl’s heart felt as if it were about to rattle out of her chest, but she still forced a weak smile that she hoped was convincing enough, and started her way up the stairs. 

The sound of her mother’s heels followed behind her, up the staircase. 

Finally they came to Lapis’s door. 

Pearl knocked softly on the wooden panel.  “Lapis…my mother’s here now.”

There was silence for a moment.  Then a soft, “All right.”

Pearl exhaled through her teeth, sensing her mother right behind her shoulder.  Heart rattling inside her chest, she opened the door. 

Lapis was still laying back against the pillows on her bed, but her eyes were open, glinting with something that Pearl would only describe as…mischievous.  Oh no. 

A weak little smile that definitely looked nothing like Lapis was curled on her lips. 

“Pearl told me that you got hit in the head this afternoon.” Pearl's mother said abruptly, getting straight to the point.    

Lapis sighed with a little bit of extra drama that Pearl prayed her mother didn’t notice.  “Yes.  It was…a baseball. I never saw it coming.” she said, as if it were some great tragedy. 

Her mother sniffed.  “May I see where it hit you?” 

Lapis nodded, wiping at very fake tears.  “Yes, of course.  Although it is _very_ horrible looking.” 

Her mother nodded emotionally, as though she had no idea of how horrible Lapis’s acting skills were.  Although she was very…entertaining.  Pearl had to bite down hard on her lip to keep a snigger from escaping. 

Lapis lifted up her bangs and Pearl winced again.  The knot was still huge, and now it was also darkening into a particularly nasty shade of purple.  Pearl wanted to go and hug her tightly, but she knew that would be a very terrible idea.  So she kept still and silent. 

Her mother studied it for a moment, lips pursed tightly.  “So, how do you feel?” she asked Lapis.  The blue haired girl shrugged weakly, as she removed her hand from her forehead.  Her long bangs flopped back over her forehead, hiding the swollen area once more. 

“I-I’m all right.  My head sort of hurts, and I feel a bit…dizzy, sometimes.” she answered, a bit less confidently.  Pearl chose that moment to join the conversation. 

“The nurse at school said that the medicine that she gave her could also make her feel a little dizzy.”  she said, hoping to be helpful.  Her mother was silent, lips still pursed in that tight little frown that meant she was thinking hard about something. 

“Lapis dear, I think that you need to go in to see a doctor.” 

Lapis looked at her, eyes calculating. Thinking it over herself. 

Then she nodded. 

“Okay. But I….I, um don’t have anyone to take me.  My-my mother, she ah…” she trailed off.  Her eyes were too vulnerable. 

Her mother shook her head.  “Of course. I’ll be happy to take you in the morning.”  Lapis hesitated for a second, and then she was nodding.  “Thank you, Mrs White.”

There was a slight softening in Pearl’s mother’s eyes.  “It’s no trouble dear.  Now, is there anything I can do for you tonight?” 

Lapis shook her head.  “We have a guest bedroom down the hall, if you’d like it.” Pearl’s mother nodded.  Lapis’s eyes darted to Pearl. “P-Pearl could stay in my room?”

It was a question. 

Pearl’s mother’s eyes glanced between them.  For a micro second Pearl thought that she saw some look of realization in her eyes.  But then an instant later it vanished, and she nodded in agreement. 

“All right. Pearl, you need to watch her.  If either of you have any problems, then you need to come get me.  Understand?” 

Both of them nodded.  Her mother returned it, the matter decided.  “Now, both of you need to get rest.”  The door closed with a click behind her. 

Shakily they both exhaled.  

                                                                                                                                      -:-

Pearl didn’t have any of her pajamas with her, so she just took off her sweater and shoes, leaving on her dress.  She smoothed down her short hair and sat down in the chair by the side of Lapis’s bed, sighing softly. 

The bathroom door opened and Lapis came out, accompanied by a cloud of steam.  Her hair was damp and stringy, and all of her smeared makeup from the earlier day was washed away.  Lapis’s eyes still looked glassy and tired, and when she reached her bed she fell onto it with a thunk.  

Her large weird shirt, the one with all the strange angry men on it, wrinkled around her body as she lay back.  A groan escaped her lips. 

“Ughhhh.”

“I take it you don’t feel great?” Pearl murmured wryly. 

Lapis groaned again. 

“It wouldn’t be so bad if I just wasn’t so dizzy.”  She sighed, moving onto the side that faced Pearl.   “This is such a drag.” she said, rolling her eyes. 

Pearl leaned over, weaving her fingers into her damp hair.  “You’ll feel better.  Maybe, probably, even tomorrow morning.  Just give yourself a bit of a break. A few hours ago you were lying unconscious on a gym floor.  You’re far improved from that.”

Lapis smiled dryly at that.  “Oh, right.  I forgot.”

Pearl laughed softly.  “You need to try and get some sleep.” Lapis shrugged, letting herself flop back against her pillows.  “I doubt that there is _any_ hope of that happening, but I can try.” 

Pearl frowned as she sat back down in the chair beside Lapis’s bed, and tried to get comfortable.  The chair, which was fine during the day when all one wanted to do was sit in it, turned out to be very far from being comfortable enough to sleep in.  She tried not to wiggle too much, but apparently she failed. 

Lapis eyed her skeptically.   “That looks uncomfortable.” 

Pearl smiled weakly.  “Oh, no no.  It’s fine.  Great.” Lapis rolled her eyes.  “You know that you’re welcome to sleep in my bed.” 

Pearl bit her lip.  “Lapis…my mother might-she, ah.”  She stopped, knowing that it wasn’t going to get any better if she continued.  Lapis sighed.  “Yeah I know.” 

Her shoulders slumped ever so slightly, and Pearl felt enormously bad.  They were silent for a moment.  And then Pearl stood up, and carefully climbed onto Lapis’s bed. The blue girl beamed. 

Pearl settled in beside Lapis, their shoulders pressing together.  Lapis’s smile shone brighter than anything in the dark room. Pearl couldn’t help but to grin back. 

“If my mother comes in, I’ll just tell her that you offered to share your...sleeping arrangements with me, and I was too uncomfortable to refuse you.” Pearl said.  Lapis laughed, snuggling closer.  They both lay back, and Pearl wrapped an arm around Lapis’s shoulders, pulling her closer. 

“That’s my darling Pearl.  Polite to the end.” Lapis murmured, biting back a laugh.  She pressed a kiss against Pearl’s cheek, making her blush.  “I think all that medicine you had to take has made you very silly.”  Pearl said, smirking. 

Lapis giggled softly.  “Noooo.  I’m always like this.”  Pearl eyed her.  “Yes.  You’re one hundred percent yourself.” 

Lapis giggled again.  Her fingers traced over Pearl’s collarbones absently.  Pearl watched her with gentle eyes.  Finally Lapis looked up at her again. 

“What?” 

Pearl shook her head, realizing that she had been staring.  “Nothing.  You’re just so adorable.”  Lapis pouted.  “Nooo. I’m scary…cool.  Not…um….” 

“Cute? Adorable?  Completely out of everything right now?” Pearl offered with a slight grin.  Lapis pouted more.  Suddenly she perked up.  “I’ll make a deal.” 

Pearl arched an eyebrow.  “Hmm?” 

Lapis smiled slyly, hands tracing along her torso.  “I’ll go to sleep…if you kiss me.” 

Pearl laughed softly.  “I should have known.” 

She sighed, but there was a playful smile on her face.  “Okay.  But just one kiss.” 

Lapis beamed.  Pearl leaned over and pressed her lips against the other girl’s softly.  Their lips moved against one another’s slowly, yet with a sort of needy desperation.  Pearl let her fingers twist into Lapis’s still damp hair. Lapis sighed, kissing her harder. 

They kissed for another minute. Then Pearl finally, regretfully pulled away. 

Lapis’s pout mirrored her own feelings, although Pearl wasn’t going to tell her that.  “Now you have to sleep.” 

“Finnne.”

Pearl laughed softly, kissing the tip of her nose.  “Sleeeep.” 

As she requested, Lapis shut her eyes, snuggling closer, and letting her head fall against Pearl’s chest.  Pearl smiled down at her.  Finally, once she was satisfied that Lapis was asleep, she shut her own eyes.  

                                                                                                                                                -:-

Lapis opened her eyes to a sharp pain between her eyes.  “Ughhh…” she groaned, pressing them closed once more.  Slowly she opened them again.

Bright sunlight was shining through the windows that had the dark curtains all drawn away from it, unlike normal.  Her head was pounding as though someone was hitting her forehead with a hammer from the inside out. 

Lapis rubbed a hand over her forehead and winced.  Yep, welt was still there.  She blinked once or twice.  Suddenly she realized that there was no one lying there beside her. 

“Pearl…Pearl, are you there?” 

When she spoke she realized that her voice was painfully dry and cracked. 

“Right here.” A sing-songy voice called out from the bathroom.  “Hold on, I’ll be there in just one second.” 

Lapis shut her eyes again.  She heard the clipping sound of Pearl’s shoes leave the bathroom and come into her own room.  Begrudgingly, Lapis opened her eyes again.  Pearl had gotten herself fixed up and ready for school, wearing a fresh set of clothes and perfect makeup. 

She was smiling at Lapis brightly, but Lapis’s head was hurting too much for her to want to return it. 

“Good morning Lapis.” Pearl said cheerfully.

“Hey.” Lapis mumbled.  Pearl’s expression changed to one of concern.  “Oh, dear, are you not feeling better?”  Lapis groaned into a pillow.  “I feel like shit.” 

She felt the gentle weight of Pearl sitting down on her bed.  A cold hand rubbed at her back.  “I’m so sorry darling.  But don’t worry, my mother’s already called the doctor, and gotten you an appointment for this morning.” 

Lapis groaned again.  “Great.” 

“Oh, and you’re probably needing the second dose of medicine that the nurse gave you.  I’ll go get it.” She stood up and went back to the bathroom.  After a minute she came back, carrying a paper cup of water and a small glass bottle. 

Lapis sighed, and pushed herself upright.   Pearl sat down beside her, handing her the small paper cup.  Lapis’s hands were shaking as they took the cup from Pearl, and if it hadn’t been for Pearl’s hand quickly wrapping around her own, she probably would’ve spilled water all over herself. 

She took the pill from Pearl and placed on her tongue.  Quickly she tossed her head back, and swallowed it.

Pearl’s hand rubbed at her back.  Lapis groaned into her shoulder.  “I-“ 

The door of her bedroom opened, and Pearl’s mother walked in.  “Good. You’re up.” she said crisply.  Lapis pulled herself up to glare at her.  “Yep.” 

Pearl’s hand that still rested on the small of her back was the only thing that kept Lapis from saying something rude.  “Now.  I’ve called the doctor, and gotten you an appointment at ten this morning.  It’s seven thirty now.  You’ll need to get yourself dressed and try to eat something before we leave.  And Pearl, you need to be getting yourself to school.” 

Pearl stared at her mother.  “But Mother, I thought-“ 

“Pearl.  You _cannot_ skip school.”  her mother said reproachfully. Pearl bit back her tongue and just nodded.  “Yes Mother.” 

Lapis blinked, watching the whole exchange.  And then she realized.  She would have to go the doctor with Pearl’s mother. 

Alone. 

It took all her willpower not to change her expression to one of horror. So she just tried to smile.  “All right. Pearl, do you think you could you help me before you go?”  Pearl blinked looking over at her.  “Yes, yes.  Of course.” 

Pearl’s mother nodded, now settling everything.  “Do you think that you could eat some toast Lapis?” 

Lapis nodded.  “Yes. Sure.  Thanks.” 

They were all silent for just a second.  Pearl’s mother’s eyes watched them both.  Pearl’s hand was still pressed into her back. 

“Well, we’d better start getting you ready.  Come on Lapis.”  Pearl said, ending things almost as well as her mother.  She took Lapis’s hand and pulled her up off the bed, not bothering to wait for approval. 

Lapis followed her, the fog in her head making her feel stupid.  Although her headache was starting to fade ever so slightly.  Lapis assumed that meant that the pill Pearl had given her was already working. 

They went into the bathroom, and Pearl shut the door behind them.  Lapis stared at her reflection. 

The circles under her eyes were dark and enormous, and her hair looked like a tangled disaster. Lapis just wanted to go back to sleep. 

Pearl made an annoyed huff, and Lapis glanced over, turning her attention back to her. “I can’t…I just…argh.” 

Lapis’s brows furrowed in confusion.  “What?” 

Pearl frowned.  “I’m sorry.  I want to go with you.  I thought…but of course not.  She says that I should drop out and get married, but then I want to skip just one day, and she says no.  How on Earth does that make any logical sense.” Pearl muttered under her breath, only making Lapis feel more confused. 

“What?” 

Pearl shook her head.  “Forget it.  We need to get you ready.  I’ll help, and if that makes my late, so be it.”  Lapis stared at her reflection.  “You’re going to be very late, then.” 

To her credit, Pearl knew how to get ready, and quickly.  And Lapis was in probably the grumpiest, most uncooperative mood she had ever been in, so that was saying something. 

Pearl brushed her hair like lighting, tugging every tangle loose, making Lapis’s scalp burn.  Pearl wiped her face with a wet washcloth, before dabbing on a pile of concealer underneath her eyes. Then she helped her finish, by swiping on a little eyeliner and some of Pearl’s own lipgloss which was a little on the pinky side, but it was certainly something that Pearl’s mother liked, so that was probably a good thing. 

Lapis mostly just stood, slouched in front of the mirror for the entire time. 

Her head was pounding so hard that she could barely think; but a small part of her was immensely grateful to Pearl for helping her like this.  There was absolutely no chance of her being able to do this herself right now. 

And this way, now she wouldn’t have to leave the house looking like utter garbage. 

As soon as Pearl finished, she immediately led Lapis from the bathroom and back into her own room.  “Is there anything you feel like wearing?  Or rather, not wearing?”  Pearl asked her. 

Lapis shrugged.  “Ahh…Not a dress…please.” 

Pearl laughed sweetly.  “I think I’ve only seen you wear a dress twice.  Of course not.  Jeans? And maybe a nice shirt?” Pearl went over to her closet, flipping absently through the hangers. 

“I’m…cold.  Sweater.”   Lapis mumbled.  Pearl nodded. 

Lapis sat down on her bed, suddenly feeling exhausted. 

Pearl turned back around from her closet with jeans and sweater in hand, only to find Lapis bent over with her forehead in her hands.  “Oh, Lapis, are you all right?” Pearl asked worriedly, hurrying over to her. 

Lapis nodded, head still in her hands.  “I’m great.”  she mumbled through her hands. 

Pearl’s hand rubbed at her back.  “Lapis…I don’t think that I believe you.” Pearl said softly.  Lapis almost laughed.  “Yeah?”

“Yeah.” Pearl murmured softly. 

Her fingers were cool against Lapis’s skin.  “Lapis?”

“Ugh.” 

“Look at me.” 

Slowly, with great effort, Lapis did.  Pearl’s eyes were calm and blue and comforting.  “Listen to me.  You’re going to put on these clothes.  And then I’ll get you another cold press for your forehead, and you can lie down for an hour or two.  You’ll go to the doctor, and by that time I should be back from school.  Okay?” She spoke firmly, squeezing Lapis’s shoulder. 

Slowly Lapis felt herself nodding.  “Okay.” 

Pearl smiled in that beautiful special way that Lapis loved more than anything, and helped her to her feet. 

Kindly Pearl helped her dress, holding her hand so she could keep her balance while she put on her jeans.  Pearl tugged a sweater, the only blue one that Lapis owned, over her head.  Then she fluffed Lapis’s hair back into place, making Lapis giggle slightly.  Pearl glanced down at her watch and grinned. 

“Perfect.  With five minutes to spare.”

Lapis nodded absently.  She sat back down on the edge of her bed.  “Do you want me to get you a cold washcloth for your forehead?” Lapis shook her head.  “No…the medicine’s helping, I think.” 

She stared at the floor.  It took too much effort to look anywhere else. Slowly Pearl sat down beside her and wrapped an arm around her shoulders. Lapis exhaled, letting her head fall onto Pearl’s shoulder.

Gently Pearl kissed the top of her head. 

Lapis bit her lip, tears welling at her eyes.  “I don’t want you to go.” Lapis said, voice trembling. 

Pearl smiled sadly.  “I won’t be gone very long.” 

Tears wobbled at the edges of Lapis’s eyelids. “But Pearl…I-I’m scared.  I’m scared of your mother, and I’m scared there’s something terrible wrong with me.  I-I don’t want to go without you, Pearl.  Please, I don’t want to go, I can’t go…” she stopped, trembling too much to continue.

Pearl’s arm tightened around her shoulders.  She was silent for a long time.  Finally she spoke. 

“Lapis.  You _can_ do this. I know that you are able to do this alone.  There is nothing wrong with you. You’re going to get through this.  I’m certain of it. And you don’t need to be afraid of my mother. I think that she’s actually a bit afraid of you.” Pearl said with a small laugh. 

Slowly Lapis smiled too.  Pearl gently wiped away the tears on her cheeks that Lapis hadn’t realized had fallen.  “Now, you need to try and rest before your doctor’s appointment.  Can you do that for me?” 

Lapis nodded.  Pearl smiled happily at her.  “Wonderful.” 

She helped Lapis ease onto her back, and adjust the pillows under her head.  She smiled down at Lapis.  Their hands were still laced together.  Carefully Pearl smoothed down a stray thread of hair from Lapis’s forehead.  Lapis stared up at her, eyes wide.

Then with a small smile, Pearl bent over and gave her a small, chaste kiss. She pulled away and Lapis’s breath caught in her throat.  “I have to go, or my mother will come up here.  Be strong, like I know you are, my little bluebird.” she murmured softly, voice like music. 

Lapis stared up at her, her face becoming a pale swirl. She blinked sleepily once more, and then blinked again, and Pearl was gone.

She shut her eyes and tried her hardest not to cry.  

                                                                                                                                   -:-

Pearl decided that leaving Lapis that morning was one of the hardest things that she had ever had to do. When Lapis begged her to stay with her, it took every shred of her will not to burst into tears. 

But she couldn’t go. She had to go to school. 

Her mother was there, and Pearl knew that this was simply not the time or situation to be arguing with her. The very best case scenario was that her mother would simply get mad with her.  The worst was her mother starting to suspect something else was going on. 

Between her and Lapis. 

Pearl swallowed. That was something that she could not risk, not for anything.  She walked a bit faster, picking up her pace. 

Lapis was out of it. All the drugs that she was taking were messing with her emotions, making them far more heightened than normal.   She wasn’t truly that upset at Pearl leaving. 

Now if only Pearl could make herself believe that. 

The warm spring air blew past Pearl, ruffling her hair, and making her feel in more sad.  Words and thoughts turned over in her mind, over and over.

_Go back.  She needs you, don’t be so selfish.  You’re only thinking of yourself, but that’s normal.  You don’t have the right to say that you love her.  It’s not like you ever act like it._

Pearl swallowed, her throat feeling suddenly painfully tight. Lapis was hurting and she wasn’t with her.  Her hands clenched.  She continued on to school, hating herself even more with every single step she took.  Her heart felt as though it were turning into cement.  

                                                                                                                                                                        -:-

After Pearl had left, Lapis slept until her mother shook her awake.  Lapis blinked, and sat up. 

“Dear, it’s time to go.”

It took her a moment, but then Lapis nodded.  “Okay.” 

The car ride was near silent.  Lapis’s head had stopped hurting, but she still felt dizzy and confused.  They got out, and went inside the doctor’s clinic. Lapis sat down in one of the leather-covered seats in the waiting room while Pearl’s mother signed her in. 

Suddenly she felt very sweaty. 

Lapis exhaled. Why did she feel so dizzy?  Her hands clutched at the arm rests. “Sweetheart, are you all right?”  Pearl’s mother’s voice jolted her from her own mind. 

“W-what? Yes.” she answered slowly, glancing up.  Pearl’s mother’s lips were pursed.  “You just look rather pale, that’s all. Perhaps just nerves.” 

Lapis nodded, not really paying attention. The older woman took the seat beside her, crossing her legs and folding her hands neatly in her lap. She seemed entirely unfazed by the whole situation.  Lapis almost asked her a question, but as she opened her mouth to speak someone called out-

“Lapis Coren?” 

She exhaled and shut her mouth.  “Yes, coming.”  They both stood, following the nurse into the back rooms of the clinic.  

The nurse left them in a brightly lit, tiny room that had walls the color of a neon grey.  It made Lapis’s head want to hurt again.  She shut her eyes.

Finally, after almost twenty minutes of waiting, the door opened. 

Lapis opened her eyes.

The doctor came in, smiling in a overly friendly manner. It was annoying. 

“Hello.  You must be Lapis.”  She nodded, trying her best to be polite. He nodded.  “And this must be your mother?” 

Both of them immediately shook their heads.

“Oh no absolutely-"

“-certainly not.” 

He looked a bit taken aback.  “Oh, ah, all right.”

Lapis nodded, hoping to change the subject.  He glanced down at his clipboard, making a small hm under his breath.  “So it says that you came in…for a, hm.  Possible concussion?”  Lapis stared at him.  “What? No I-“ 

“Yes. She’s been showing several symptoms since yesterday.” Pearl’s mother interrupted. 

Lapis stared at her.  Pearl’s mother thought that she had a concussion.  Suddenly Lapis thought she felt her stomach flip over inside her chest.  The doctor continued without a pause.  “What symptoms?” 

“Fatigue, headaches, slight confusion and disorientation, loss of appetite.”

Lapis’s hands were clenching tighter and tighter, and she couldn’t control it.  The doctor nodded, eyes still focused on his clipboard. Lapis felt sick. “All righty then.  Well, we’ll want to do an examination, and then just to be on the safe side, do a X-ray.” 

“Really?” Lapis asked, unwilling to remain utterly silent. 

He nodded. “Just to make certain you don’t have any internal bleeding.  It will only take a short time.” Lapis frowned, not feeling in the mood for believing him.  “Do I have to?” she asked, rather rudely. 

Pearl’s mother frowned.  _“Lapis.”_

“What? That’s a fair question.  I just…ugh.” A wave of nausea washed over her, and she bent over, pressing her forehead into her knees.   Pearl’s mother’s hand pressed into her back.  “Are you all right dear?”

Lapis exhaled slowly, taking a deep breath and straightened.  “I’m fine.” 

And then she bent over and promptly threw up in the trash can beside the examination table.  

                                                                                                                                                                            -:-

This day sucked.

That was the only way that Lapis could describe it.  After she had thrown up, the doctor and Pearl’s mother had both unanimously decided that she needed to have the X-ray. So they had gotten back in the car, gone to the hospital, waited in another waiting room, until yet another nurse had called Lapis back. 

They had her change out of her clothes into a scratchy gown, and drink a large cup of foul liquid that tasted nauseously of bubblegum.  Then she had been led into a dark room and told to lay down on a huge cold metal table. 

She did it, feeling too tired to fight anymore.  Now Lapis just wanted to sleep.  But she still laid out on the cold metal table for what felt like an eternity.  Finally someone came and told her they were finished.  Lapis nodded, barely listening. 

They gave her a hand and helped her down.  She finished changing back into her clothes, all of her energy gone. A nurse led her back to the waiting room, where Pearl’s mother was waiting for her. 

She looked as though she were going to say something, but saw Lapis’s exhausted face and stayed silent.  

They drove home, Lapis drifting in and out of a hazy sleep the entire way.  When they got back to her house, Pearl’s mother helped her out of the car and up to her bedroom. As soon as she made it there, Lapis flopped down on her bed. 

“Do you want anything dear?” Pearl’s mother asked softly.  Lapis shrugged tiredly. 

“I…” She shifted.  “A blanket?”  she mumbled.

 The older woman nodded, taking a blanket from the back of one of the chairs in her room.  She unfolded it, tucking it around Lapis carefully.  “Is that all?” 

Lapis nodded, eyes already closed.  Pearl’s mother turned to leave.  “Miss…White?”

She turned.  “Yes dear?” 

“Thanks. For helping me.” she mumbled, already half asleep.  Pearl’s mother nodded, just before she slipped into sleep.  “That's...quite all right dear.  You don't need to thank me.” her voice answered, swirling around Lapis in a foggy haze.  

And then Lapis’s eyes shut and she fell into sleep.  

                                                                                                                                       -:-

To say that Pearl was distracted that day would be a massive understatement. 

She honestly didn’t think that she heard a single word that her teachers were saying.  Pearl hoped that Lapis’s doctor visit was going well. She just wished that she knew what was happening.

Her mother had told her that morning that she thought Lapis had a concussion.  And that thought, the idea that Lapis was severely hurt, made Pearl feel ill.  But her mother had told her not to tell Lapis, to keep it a secret.  It wasn’t as though the information would do Lapis any good.

All it would do was make her not want to go to the doctor.  And Pearl knew that if Lapis _was_ injured that much, she absolutely had to go to the doctor.  That was something that she and her mother agreed about. 

But it didn’t make Pearl’s worries any less. 

The day felt eternal. 

The clock seemed to be ticking at half speed, just to torment her. 

One thing that Pearl was grateful for was the fact that Bismuth was nowhere to be found.  That was good. Because Pearl wasn’t certain she would be able to restrain herself the next time she came face to face with the huge girl. Pearl sighed, tapping her pencil anxiously against the table top. 

Why couldn’t time just go faster? 

Finally the bell rang and Pearl raced up from her seat, for once running from the school faster than anyone in her class.  Inside her mind she found herself praying that Lapis would be all right.  That there would be good news and not bad.

She ran faster.

                                                                                                                                   -:- 

After they got home Lapis slept for hours and hours. 

Or that’s just what she guessed, because she truly felt as if she had no proper idea of time anymore.  When she woke, she was still exhausted, but found that she couldn’t sleep any longer.  So she just laid there, awake but too tired to move. 

She wished Pearl was there.  Where _was_ Pearl?

 _School_ , a voice inside her said.  Lapis sighed.  Suddenly there was a small knock on her bedroom door.  Lapis bit back another sigh.  “Yeah?” Her voice sounded tired and small. 

Pearl’s mother opened the door a crack, poking her head inside.  “Oh, you’re awake. There is a…girl here.  She’s here to see you.”  Lapis shrugged.  “Okay.” 

The door opened wider, and the very last person she would’ve imagined walked into her room. Bismuth’s smile was nervous, and she had none of the confidence of the previous day.  Lapis’s mouth fell open a little bit.

Pearl’s mother seemed uncomfortable by the entire situation, so she quickly left, closing the door behind her. 

Bismuth cleared her throat. “Hey.” 

Lapis shut her mouth. “Hey.” 

Bismuth’s dark brown eyes wouldn’t meet her own.  “H-how are you?”  she asked finally.  Lapis stared at her, having no good way to answer.  Finally she just decided to be honest.  “I feel like shit.”  she said frankly. 

Bismuth bit her lip.  “That woman-“ she pointed to the door, “she said you have a concussion.  Is that true?”  Lapis shrugged.  “Probably. Guess I do.” Bismuth was silent for a moment. 

“I’m sorry Lapis.” Her voice was quiet.  Lapis was surprised.  “Why? It was just an accident.” 

Bismuth shrugged, not meeting her eyes.  “It was…and it wasn’t.  I didn’t try to hit you.  I just…didn’t care if I hit you. And then when I did, I didn’t feel bad about it.” She paused, exhaling.  “I said you were a jerk.  But I was just as bad. I shouldn’t have acted that way. And I’m sorry.” 

Her eyes finally met Lapis’s.  Lapis stared at her.  And she shrugged.  “Okay.” 

Bismuth looked at her.  “Are you mad?” 

“No.” 

Bismuth looked confused.  “Why not?” 

Lapis sighed.  “Because…you made me act like sort of a jerk too.  And if we both just admit it now, we can both be done with it.  And I _really_ just wanna be done.” 

Bismuth stared at her, and then her lips stretched into a wide grin.  “Lapis…you’re actually really cool.” 

Lapis smirked.  “You have no idea how much.” 

Bismuth chuckled at that.  Something occurred to Lapis.  “What made you change your mind?”  Bismuth rubbed at the back of her neck, a bit sheepishly.  “Um, well.  After you passed out, your girlfriend got pretty upset.” 

Lapis froze.  “Do you mean…”

“That Pearl girl.  The cute one.”

“You know?”

Bismuth laughed.  “Yeah, well. It was a little obvious when she got so freaked out over you.”  Lapis swallowed, eyes widening with curiosity.  “What happened?” 

Bismuth gave her a funny look.  “You mean she didn't tell you?”

Lapis shook her head.

“She…got really, really mad.  At-ah-“

“At _you_?” 

Bismuth nodded.  “She started screaming and stuff about how I was awful and what a jerk I was.  And then she hit me.  In the face.”  Lapis snorted.  “Pearl…has a temper.”  Bismuth chuckled. 

“A temper from hell.” 

Something inside of Lapis felt as if it were shining. And a part of her headache was gone.  

                                                                                                                                 -:-

Pearl had never gotten somewhere so fast. 

Perhaps because she was moving at an almost-run for the entire time. But even so, it still felt like an eternity before she finally got to Lapis’s house.  She quickly opened the door with the key that her mother had given her that morning, and went inside. 

While she was desperate to talk to Lapis, she knew that she needed to talk to her mother beforehand.  Her mother was in Lapis’s kitchen, seated at the island while she drank a cup of tea.  She was staring into nothing, eyes far away. That was unlike her. 

Pearl swallowed.  “Mother?” 

Her mother blinked, as if just coming back to the world.  “Oh…Hello Pearl.” 

There wasn’t a smile between them. 

Pearl bit her lip, and dropped her purse onto the counter.  “How is Lapis? Do you know if she…” Pearl trailed off.  Her mother sighed.  “Lapis has a fairly bad concussion. She won’t need surgery, but she’ll need at least a week of bed rest and medication before she can even think of going to school again.” 

Pearl winced, shutting her eyes.  “Oh heavens…”

“Lapis will be fine.  The doctor said there’s no question.  Just as long as she rests plenty and makes certain to stay away from any major bodily activity.”  her mother told her gently, as if she were trying to be comforting. 

Slowly Pearl nodded.  “The doctor’s already called in a prescription for her.  I’m going to go out and pick it up soon.” her mother continued, taking a small sip of tea.

“Thank you Mama.” Pearl murmured softly.  Her mother’s eyes had a flicker of surprise, just for a moment.  Then it was gone. Carefully she nodded.  Pearl’s fingers laced together nervously. 

“So, is Lapis asleep now?” 

Pearl’s mother glanced up again, a little surprised.  “Oh, no.  She’s probably still up, talking with that girl who came to visit her."  

Pearl froze.  “What girl?”  

Pearl’s mother shrugged her shoulders absently.   “Just a girl.  I think she said her name was…oh, something Middle Eastern.  Byzantine?”  Pearl stared at her. 

“Bismuth?” 

Her mother snapped her fingers.  “Yes.  That was it.  Very strange girl.  Very… _masculine_.  Pearl dear, where are you going?” 

But Pearl didn’t hear the rest of what she said, because she was already running up the stairs.  Anger was pounding through her body.  Pearl slammed open the door of Lapis’s room.  The huge girl was sitting beside Lapis’s bed. 

Pearl scowled. 

“What are you doing here?” Pearl asked harshly.  Bismuth and Lapis both looked over at her. 

“Pearl, it’s fine she-“ Lapis began but Bismuth stopped her.  She stood up.  “Pearl, I ah, I came over because I wanted to apologize.  About how I acted.  You, what you said, you were right.  I was being a jerk.”  Bismuth said, eyes sheepish and far less confident than the day before. 

Pearl crossed her arms. “Yes. You were.” 

Bismuth swallowed.  “Yeah.” 

Everyone was silent, Pearl still giving Bismuth the evil eye.  Lapis sighed.  “ _Pearl_.” 

The short haired girl finally sighed.  “All right.  _Fine_.” 

Bismuth smiled weakly.  “Yay.”  A  sheepish smile pulled at her lips.  “I never woulda tried to make a move on you if I had known you to were together.” 

Pearl choked on her on breath.  “Excuse me?”  Lapis shrugged from where she lay in bed.  “Yeah. Bismuth kinda figured it out.  But it’s fine.  She’s not going to say anything.”  Bismuth nodded quickly, still seeming uncomfortable from the way Pearl was looking at her.  “Oh, yeah.  No way.   I understand, like not being at that point.  Heck, I was there for a really long time.” 

Pearl stared at her.  “You-you’ve told people?  Your parents, they know?” 

Bismuth nodded.  “Yeah.  They were a little weird about it at first, but now they’re cool about it.  It’s made life a whole lot easier.” 

“I bet.”  Pearl said softly. 

Bismuth smiled a bit awkwardly, but it was still gentle. “Don’t worry about it. If the…people, you got aren’t good, just wait.  You’ll find good ones who don’t care.”  Pearl smiled back weakly, but it was still a real smile. 

“Thanks Bismuth, really.” 

Bismuth shrugged.  “No prob.  Us gays gotta stick together.  Only way to do it.” 

Pearl smiled brighter at that, and Lapis grinned too.  Bismuth cleared her throat and stood. “Well, I think I’d better be going.  Basketball practice starts soon.”  Lapis arched an eyebrow from where she lay. 

“You’re already on a sports team?  It’s only been, like, a week!” 

Bismuth grinned sheepishly.  “Kinda, yeah.  Sports are kind of my thing.” 

“ _No._ ” Lapis said sarcastically, making the bigger girl laugh.  “Actually yeah.” Bismuth said with a slight laugh.

Pearl smiled faintly. “Also, if you need anything, either of you, just ask. Really.” Bismuth said earnestly.

“Thanks.” Pearl murmured.

Bismuth nodded back at Lapis, smiled once more at Pearl, and then left, shutting the door behind her.  Pearl stared at the closed door, chewing at her lip again. 

“Sometimes people surprise you.” 

Pearl blinked, turning back to look at Lapis.  Pearl exhaled, and went over to her, sitting down on the edge of Lapis’s bed.  “Lapis…”

She didn’t completely mean to, but her hands moved to cup both of Lapis's cheeks.  The blue haired girl smiled faintly.  “Hello.”

Tears welled at Pearl’s eyes.  “Lapis…oh, Lapis, I’m so sorry that I left this morning.  I’ve been so worried about you all day.”  Lapis shook her head, small grin on her lips. “I’m good.” 

Pearl didn’t return her smile.  “Lapis, has my mother told you?  She says that you really do have a concussion.” 

Lapis shrugged.  “Bismuth said that too.  But it’s fine.  I’m good Pearl.  _Really_.”  Pearl bit her lip harder.  “You’re not okay Lapis! You’re just…” Tears ran over her cheeks and suddenly she was crying. 

Lapis tugged her into her arms, and Pearl let herself cry into her chest.  Vaguely she realized she didn’t know what she was doing.  All she knew was that the worry, all the worry, was coming back, and it felt as though she were about to drown in all of it.  Like it was going to consume her. 

Lapis’s fingers ran through her hair, smoothing it gently.  Pearl sniffled, desperately trying to wipe away her tears, and failing miserably.  “What am I doing?  You’re the one that’s hurting. I should be the one comforting you, not the other way around.”  Lapis laughed, and the sound was musical. 

“Don’t be silly.” 

Pearl tried to pull away from Lapis’s arms, but the blue-haired girl held her tightly in her grasp.  “L-Lapis.  Please.” 

Lapis giggled.  “Nope.  I cannot let you go.  I _wuv_ you too much! Never!”  she said with an evil sort of glee. And with that she planted a great big slobbery kiss right at the curve of Pearl’s neck.  Pearl squealed, trying to shove Lapis away, still giggling madly. 

“L-Lapis! Quit it!”

Lapis finally pulled back slightly, planting another kiss at the tip of her nose. Her eyes were shining.  They were filled with overwhelming love.  Pearl inhaled, her heart pounding.  “I just love you.  You’re the most wonderful person that I’ve ever known.” Lapis murmured, hand at her cheek.

Pearl flushed down to her shoulders.  “W-why-um... did I do something in particular?”  Lapis’s smile was bright and beaming.  “Bismuth told me what you said to her.” 

Pearl swallowed.  “Ah…what might that be?” 

Lapis laughed softly.  “In the gym.  In front of everyone.”

Pearl froze.  “I-ah-I didn’t mean for you to know about that.” she murmured, face beet red.  The blue-haired girl’s smile was as wide as the sky. 

“She told me how you got so mad.  How you defended me.  And then how you…hit her.”  Lapis’s lips twitched wryly. 

Pearl stared down at the sheets, face still burning with embarrassment.  “Yes. well.… in hindsight perhaps I should not have done that.”

Lapis’s fingers ran lightly over her shoulders, tracing at her thin collarbones. “I thought it was sweet.” she murmurs, voice like a bird song. 

Pearl glanced back up at her, only to be met by a shining bright smile.  “R-really?” 

Lapis grinned.  “Yeah.”

“Oh.” 

Lapis’s laugh lights the room.  Her hands slip around Pearl’s waist, pulling her closer.  Blue hair brushed Pearl’s cheek lightly. “Defending me like that…when I was so vulnerable.  Very heroic.”  She laughed again.  Her hand slipped upwards to cup Pearl’s cheek. 

“My hero.” she whispered.  Her eyes were still bright, still so full of love. 

Pearl is certain that her face will never unflush again. 

Lapis’s eyes were dancing, and they were so close. Their noses were almost able to touch.  She could feel the soft puffs of Lapis’s breath ghosting against her cheek.  “I-I- didn't mean it in a good way, I just-oh I just got very angry, and I really shouldn’t have, I-“ she stopped, Lapis still smiling just as bright. 

“Pearl…I don’t really care.” she whispered with a twinkle in her eye. Pearl bit her lip.  Lapis’s fingers traced along her shoulders, touch as light as a breeze.

Pearl’s breath felt as if it were caught somewhere between her mouth and her lugs, yet she couldn’t bring herself to give it her main attention.  “Lapis?” 

Lapis’s smile was still shining, blue hair dancing around her cheeks.  “Hm?” 

“I want to kiss you very much right now." A smirk danced on Lapis’s lips.  “Then why aren’t you doing it?” 

“You’re injured.” 

“So?  Love is the very best medicine.”

“Then you don’t mind?” 

“I think I’ll mind more if you don’t kiss me.”

“I don’t quite understand you.” 

Lapis grinned again.  “Then understand this.  _Just kiss me Pearl_.” 

The breath from her words ghosted against Pearl’s neck.  Their noses brushed one another softly, as they leaned together, perfectly in sync.  Lapis’s eyes were pools of water.  Dark water, yet Pearl wasn’t worried of drowning. 

She already had.

Lapis’s lips pursed ever so slightly.  Pearl hesitated. Finally, filled with careful hesitance, Pearl pressed her lips against Lapis’s.  They ghosted against one another in a light, soft kiss.  Rather than the smooth lipstick that she always wore, Lapis’s lips were slick and sticky, being painted with Pearl’s own lipgloss from that morning.

Pearl pulled back, only the very tiniest bit, and stared at Lapis.  Lapis’s eyes fluttered open.  She said nothing, never breaking that half-lidded gaze that made Pearl feel like her skin was on fire.

They were still. 

And then Pearl was kissing her again, desperately, hands moving to gently cup her face.  Lapis moved into it eagerly, kissing her back just as hungrily.  Her hands wound around Pearl’s neck, burying themselves into her hair.  Pearl’s hands fell to her waist, settling on the swell of her hips. 

Lapis’s lips pressed against hers rather gracelessly.  She gasped softly into Pearl’s lips, and something inside of her felt as though it were on fire. Adrenaline was pounding through her, and a feeling of sheer…craving, was overwhelming her body. 

Lapis’s torso pressed into her own, lovely and perfect.  Lapis’s skin was hot too, Pearl could feel it.  She wanted nothing more than to press Lapis down into the sheets and kiss her till they were both stupid. Bury herself into Lapis’s arms and body, kiss her everywhere, wrap her close and her her passionately till all their clothes fell away, and only they were left. 

This feeling was new, and becoming _exceedingly_ hard to manage. 

She groaned into Lapis’s lips.  Lapis pulled away breathlessly.  “What is it?” 

Pearl shut her eyes.  “L-Lapis…I…I want you.”  Lapis smiled, brushing her bangs out of her eyes.  “I’m right here.” 

Pearl pressed their foreheads together.  Lapis’s skin was cool.  Pearl felt dizzy, as though she might pass out.  It was what she imagined becoming drunk might feel like.   “N-Nuh. I-I _want_ you.”

Lapis flushed, cheeks darkening.  “Pearl…I do too.”

Their chests were gasping for breath, both now desperately flushed in their cheeks.  Suddenly they both seemed to not be able to bare it any longer.  They fell together, kissing once more.  Hands clutched at clothing, shoulders, hair.  Soft moans and gasps fell freely from their lips. 

Pearl pulled away from Lapis’s all-consuming lips to kiss a trail over her jawline and then down her neck.  She kissed at a little spot just at the curve of Lapis’s jawline and neck, and when she did, she heard a little hitch in Lapis’s breath. 

A jolt of excitement ran through Pearl.

She nuzzled into that one spot, hoping for a sound of encouragement from Lapis. She wasn’t disappointed.  Lapis gasped, fingers giving her hair a sort of painful tug.  “Oh, that’s…oh.” Her voice had gotten all breathy and soft. 

Pearl thought it was beautiful.  She kissed it again, a bit harder. Lapis moaned softly.  Then an idea came to Pearl. 

Lapis groaned loudly when Pearl’s teeth bit down carefully on that spot.  “Pearl… _ah_.”

Pearl couldn’t help but grin.  Her lips worked lovingly at that spot, sucking and biting, all while the softest, prettiest little nosies fell from Lapis’s lips. Her fingers twisted tighter into her short hair, every so often tugging on it just a little bit painfully. 

There were tingles rushing through her stomach.  It was all simply dizzying, she just loved her ever so much.  The warm feeling of her body, pressed against Pearl’s, the adorable little noises that she made when Pearl kissed her neck. 

All of it, Pearl didn’t know how she had ever lived without it, and certainly couldn’t imagine living without it now.

There was absolutely nothing that could make her pull away from Lapis now. 

Except for little clipping footsteps coming up the stairs. 

Instantly Pearl perked away.  “My mother.” she whispered, still breathless.  Lapis blinked, it taking a moment to click. Then her eyes widened in understanding. 

“ _Oh, shit_.” 

Pearl darted over to the chair, desperately trying to smooth her ruffled hair, and straighten her sweater. Just barely in time as well, because just a moment later her mother came in, the door squeaking behind her. 

Pearl smiled faintly.  “Hello.” she mumbled, trying to sound cheery.  But her mother’s attention was still focused entirely on Lapis.  “How are you feeling now?” she asked the blue haired girl. 

There was just a note of stress in her voice.

Lapis shrugged.  “Fine, I guess.  Mostly just kinda numb.”  Lapis said vaguely. “Oh.  Well…that’s good.” 

Pearl stared at Lapis.  Oh stars. 

At the curve of her neck, just below her jaw, a dark bruised spot was forming.  And Lapis seemed to have no idea it was there.  Luckily her mother hadn't seem to notice it yet. 

Pearl tried to gesture to Lapis from behind her mother’s back.  She tapped her neck, making a worried expression, which wasn’t all that hard.  Her mother was still talking, and not paying very much attention. It took Lapis a moment or two to figure it out, but when she did her eyes widened in shock.

Instantly she flopped down, flat onto the pillows, easily hiding the mark on her neck. 

“-and that’s why you’ll- dear, is something wrong?”

Lapis shook her head, cheek still pressed into the pillow.  “Nope.  My-ah-my neck was just getting tired, that’s all.”  she answered, lightning fast.  The older woman eyed her a bit oddly, but she didn’t ask any more questions. 

“Well, if you still don’t need anything, I’ll just go on out and pick up your prescription now.  Pearl you wouldn’t mind staying here with her, would you?” 

Pearl blinked.  “I-nope.  Not at all.” She quickly had to clear her throat. Pearl’s mother nodded, still seeming a bit awkward in the middle of it all. “All right, well.  I suppose I’ll just…” she nodded once, before turning back out of the room. 

As soon as the door shut behind her both girls simultaneously exhaled with with relief. Lapis sat up with a huff. 

“Ugh.” 

She pulled at the skin of her neck, eyeing the now very darkened bruised mark.  “Hm.” 

Pearl flushed bright pink. 

“Lapis, I-I’m so sorry.  That was... an accident.”  Lapis was silent for a moment.  And then she turned back to Pearl, smirk curling at her lips. “Don’t apologize.  You’re just surprising sometimes.”

There was a laugh in her voice. 

Pearl flushed harder.  “Yes, well.  Still, I am sorry.”  Lapis arched an eyebrow.  They were silent for a moment.  And then they heard the front door close.

A teasing smile danced at Lapis's lips.  “Well?” 

Pearl’s fingers knotted together.  She bit her lip.  “Well, what?”

Lapis rolled her eyes. “Pearrrl.  Get over here and kiss me again.  I’d go to you, but I think you’d scream if I were to get out of bed.”  Pearl nodded, face still warm. 

“Yes.  You are very correct.” Pearl answered, standing. 

Slowly she sat down on Lapis’s bed, hand finding Lapis’s. “So…do you…” she trailed off, eyes questioning.  Lapis grinned. “Pearl, I think that you can just start assuming that I always want to.” 

Pearl smiled vaguely.  “This is all rather insane, isn’t it.”

Lapis shrugged, blue bangs falling across her forehead in all directions.  “Love is stupid and crazy. But I know that I’m long past the point of wanting to fight it.”

Their eyes met. 

And then Pearl moved on her own, pressing her lips against Lapis's own lovely ones. Lapis gasped, melting into it.  And then Pearl was gone. 

Just melting into Lapis and her kisses and her arms that ran through her hair, making an utter mess of it.  Her chest pressed against Pearl’s, both heaving for breath.  Her fingers tugged at Pearl’s sweater, in a sort of desperate way. Pearl pulled back only for an instant, tugging it off and tossing it somewhere. 

Then they were kissing again.  Piece by piece, their clothes ended up on a pile on the floor, and Pearl felt herself lost entirely in her love and passion for Lapis.  And she knew that she had long since drowned. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> and then they fucked. 
> 
> ^-^
> 
> Anyway. This chapter was fun. School is not fun. Life ;P But anyway. Did any of you watch the new episodes? Pink Diamond, ahhhhh I love her so much already. Also I'm kind of excited about this story, because a lot of the best plot thingies that I've come up with are starting to happen, and it's so exciting!!! Even tho I already know what happens ;) Really tho, I'd love to know what u think!!!
> 
> I'm also going to try to update my other fics pretty soon, so fingers crossed on that!! 
> 
> See u guys next month!


	19. white flag

Lapis sighed softly at her reflection. Her lips twisted into a frown as she continued to mess with her bangs. Ugh. They refused to lay down straight, no matter how much Lapis fussed with them.

It was just annoying.

Lapis huffed. That wasn’t what was aggravating her. It had much more to do with the fact that today she would be returning to school after almost two full weeks of lying in bed. Her head felt better after all that time, but she still had moments where her head would just start pounding, for no particular reason.

She shut her eyes.

It didn’t help anything that her moods were a swirling mess. She had never been a moody sort of person, but now she could go from being fairly happy to in tears like lightning. Over all it was massively frustrating.

She was certain that she wouldn’t have been able to get through all of it, had Pearl not helped her in all the ways she had. She and her mother had both stayed over at Lapis’s house for the three nights after her injury, and Pearl had still continued to be at her house almost constantly after that.

Lapis’s hands clenched around her hairbrush. She was just so….

Lapis bit her lip. Pearl, it felt like sometimes, was the only person who actually cared about what happened to her. So far she had gotten no response from her mother. Lapis wondered if she even had any idea of what had happened. Somehow, she doubted it.

Suddenly the doorbell rang out, piercing through the silent house. Lapis exhaled through her nose and started downstairs. When she opened the door Pearl was standing there, smiling brightly.

“Are you excited?” she asked cherrfully. Lapis frowned, giving a saggy shrug. “Uh…sure.” Pearl shook her head. “That’s not the spirit.”

Lapis sighed, eyes falling to the floor. “I don’t think that I have any more spirit.” Her eyes felt wet, and mentally she kicked herself. Why was she getting this way again? It wasn't the time for it.

But Pearl didn’t reproach her. “Oh Lapis. Are you having another low swing?”

Lapis looked up into her concerned eyes, and then tearfully nodded. “Yeah.”

“Oh Lapis.” Pearl murmured, pulling her into her arms. Lapis fell against her, burying her face against her sweater. Half-hearted tears made everything feel wet. Pearl’s fingers smoothed over her hair, and rocked her gently back and forth. “Don't worry. This’ll all be fine. You’re just nervous and probably tired. Did you sleep last night?”

Lapis shook her head into her chest. “No.”

“See? That’s what’s the matter. But this afternoon we can come back and you can take a nap.” There was a firm smile on her face. Slowly Lapis nodded. “All right.”

They stood there for a moment, just hugging one another tightly. Lapis sighed into Pearl’s shoulder.

“What?”

Lapis shook her head. “I don’t think I can sleep without you.” Pearl’s eyebrows furrowed. “What?” Lapis exhaled before answering. “I haven’t slept well since you left. There’s…just so many nightmares, shadows all around. I can’t close my eyes.” she whispered.

Pearl stared at her sadly. “I wish I could stay here all the time.”

“I know you can’t.” Lapis whispered, running a hand along her arm.

Pearl was silent. Finally she spoke. “I know that you’re going to get through this. Without any doubt.” Lapis’s throat was painfully dry. “Thank you Pearl.”

Their foreheads pressed together, and their eyes were shut. Lapis tried her very hardest to shut out the distractions and focus only on this moment.

                                                                                                                                      -:-

  
Pearl knew that she was glancing over at Lapis far too often.

But she truly couldn’t help herself; she was worried about her. Lapis said that she was all right, but Pearl was aware that if there _was_ a problem, Lapis wouldn’t tell her about it anyway. So she really had no other option than to worry about her constantly.

Carefully she glanced over at the other girl again.

Lapis’s eyes still looked foggy most of the time, and they did now as well. Slow, tired breaths exhaled from her slightly parted lips, hands gripping at her school bag while they walked along. She looked exhausted and miserable, and Pearl wished that she could tell Lapis to just go home and rest for another week.

She already had, several times.

But Lapis had insisted that she wanted to start school again. Her eyes had gotten watery, seeming defensive about the entire thing, and Pearl couldn’t bring herself to argue with her more. That was another thing that Pearl had noticed.

Lapis’s emotions were a bit…erratic.

She had never seemed to be a moody person to Pearl before, and perhaps that was why it was so strange. Lapis could go from being perfectly happy to angry and annoyed to almost collapsing in tears, and then back again, all in less than thirty minutes.

It just wasn’t _her_.

Pearl knew that, and so she just tried to help Lapis with it, in any way she knew of. Sometimes that meant getting her food or water, and sometimes it meant to simply hold her while she cried, sad about nothing at all.

It made Pearl’s heart feel like breaking when she cried like that.

She couldn’t imagine how much Lapis was making herself hurt if she had to cry like that. But even if Pearl couldn’t help all that much, she would still do everything she could. Beside her, Lapis sighed.

Pearl blinked, and realized that they were at their high school.

Lapis stared at the building, a sour look on her face.

“You don’t have to do this, you know that.” Pearl said.

Lapis glanced over. “It’s time. I know that I’ll go crazy if I lay around anymore.”

Her eyes were tired. The sun was just starting to peak over the horizon faintly, rays brushing over the empty pavement. They shone in Lapis’s hair. There was no one around them there, but Pearl found that she didn’t care if there were.

Slowly she laced her fingers through Lapis’s. “You are so strong.” she whispered. Lapis hung her head, bangs covering her eyes. “Someday I’ll let you down.” Lapis murmured, a slightly tremble in her voice.

“No, you won’t.”

Lapis looked up at her, eyes glistening with tears. “Do you really believe that?”

“Yes.” Pearl whispered firmly. Lapis’s eyes traced over her face, studying it. “….thank you.”

Pearl smiled, and held her hand even tighter. “Don’t say thank you. I will never not believe in you Lapis. _Never_.”

Tears trembled at the edge of Lapis’s eyelids, and she smiled, big and watery. “What would I ever do without you?” she asked, hand moving to rest over her cheek. Pearl smiled, and she knew it was shining.

“You’ll never know.”

They stood there, still; as though time had stopped. And then, softly, with all the grace of the morning breeze, it began again. The sun rose, kissing the now brightened world. They pulled apart, gentle and hesitant.

Then they went inside the school building, shoulders pressed against one another’s.

                                                                                                                                  -:-

  
By lunch Lapis wanted to go home so she could cry. 

She had done little more than simply sit through her classes, the teachers words swirling together in a meaningless mumble. She wished that Pearl had been there, but they didn’t have any classes together except English. So she just slouched back in her chair and let it all wash over her.

At lunch Lapis sat down in the very back corner, hoping to just remain out of the way, and be left in peace. The lunchroom was at its normal volume of roaring loud, and all of the noise was starting to make Lapis feel as if her brain were vibrating.

She clenched her hands and slouched over, letting her head rest against the plastic table top. Suddenly she felt someone sit down beside her. Lapis sat up, ready to be annoyed, only to come face to face with her girlfriend. Her eyes widened.

“Pearl…what-you can’t be here. People will see.” she hissed.

Pearl’s eyes were wide and huge, but she didn’t seem taken aback by what Lapis said. She simply began to unpack her neatly prepared lunch. “Don’t be ridiculous. It’s not as though we’ll look anything more than friends. And I want to sit with you.”

Pearl said this firmly, and Lapis knew that there was absolutely zero chance of changing her mind now.

“Pearl… you don’t have to do this.” Lapis murmured quietly. Pearl looked up from her sandwich. “Of course not. I want to.” she said cheerfully. Lapis sighed, and began to poke half-heartedly at her own sandwich.

“Have you heard about Samantha Parker?” Pearl asked suddenly. Lapis blinked, and shook her head. “No. What about her?" Pearl shrugged. “Nothing. Just that she got caught kissing some boy in the chemistry labs on Friday.”

Lapis smirked, a little bit more interested. “Wow. Bet her parents aren’t thrilled.” Pearl laughed softly. “Especially considering her father’s the pastor of that big church on the East side, oh I don’t remember what it’s called.”

“North Grove Baptist?”

Pearl nodded, smiling. “Yes, that’s it.” She took a delicate bite of her sandwich, swallowed it carefully, before continuing. “They’re saying the guy was Jeff Blake.”

Lapis arched an eyebrow. “Ooh. That was a _terrible_ idea. That guy is one of the biggest douches at this school.” Pearl nodded, eyes wide. “I _know_. Her mother is friends with mine, and after this, I’ll either get an enormous rant about how pulling something like that would ruin my chances of a good marriage, or nothing but silence, because my mother doesn’t want me to know that people can actually kiss before they’re married.”

Lapis snorted. “They can?” she asked incredulously.

Pearl shrugged. “Just what I’ve heard. But I wouldn’t know.” Her eyes darted to Lapis’s, sparkling with a playful twinkle.

Lapis loved her so much then.

She couldn’t resist smiling. “Really?” Pearl nodded. “No…not at all.” Lapis smirked. “That’s such a terrible shame. You don’t know what you’re missing.”

Pearl arched an eyebrow, smile curling at her lips. “Why, Miss Lapis, are you offering?”

“Perhaps.” Lapis said with a small smile.

“Lapis, I do believe I might take you up on that.” Pearl said teasingly.

Lapis felt herself blush thickly. “Didn’t know you were such a flirt.” she whispered, so that only Pearl could hear. Pearl giggled. “Only with you.” Her eyelashes fluttered prettily, on purpose or not, Lapis wasn’t certain.

Maybe it was just because she such a dizzy mess that morning. Still though, whatever it was, it made Lapis’s stomach feel as if it were flipping over inside her torso.

A tiny adorable little smile curled at Pearl’s lips, and she took another small bite of her sandwich. Lapis blushed and turned her gaze back to her food.

                                                                                                                                         -:-

  
The afternoon was feeling as though it might last forever and Lapis was genuinely considering just laying down on the desk and letting herself fall asleep in English, when finally the last bell rang.

Lapis blinked, jolting herself out of her exhausted daze. Pearl, who was sitting behind her as always and didn’t seem to be the very least bit tired, nudged her gently on the shoulder.

“Lapis. We can go.” she whispered. Lapis groaned softly, blinking again. “Ah…yeah. Okay.”

She shoved herself to her feet, quickly grabbing for her book bag. Pearl was watching her worriedly, but Lapis didn’t feel like talking about it, so she didn’t. They left the school together, Pearl hovering close to her.

Something about it, about her being so close, made Lapis feel a little bit better.

As soon as they turned the corner of the block the school was on, Pearl gently took Lapis’s hand in her own, lacing their fingers together. Lapis sighed softly, and held her hand a bit tighter. They walked to Lapis’s house slower than normally, because Lapis was so tired. She knew that Pearl was slowing down her pace for her.

Lapis clung to the taller girl’s hand a little bit tighter. She was so lucky to have Pearl here. With her. Caring for her.

About her.

Pearl glanced over at her, pale blue eyes full of curiosity. “What are you thinking about?” Lapis blinked. “What?”

A small smile played at Pearl’s lips.

“You always get this look on your face when you’re thinking hard.”

“Really?” Lapis was surprised. Pearl nodded. “Yeah. Your lips purse and your eyes get…foggy looking.” Lapis snorted. “Great. That makes me sound like an absolute weirdo.” Pearl giggled. “Oh, no. It’s very cute.”

Lapis blushed slightly. “Oh.”

They continued walking down the sidewalk. Suddenly Pearl stopped. “Would you like my arm?” she asked, staring towards Lapis.

The blue haired girl blinked. “Why would I want your arm?” she asked incredulously. Pearl smiled teasingly. “I mean to hold, silly.” Lapis flushed a bit darker. “Oh.”

She inhaled. “Yes, please.” Lapis murmured softly. The tall girl offered it out to her and Lapis took it, making Pearl beam. They continued walking, and Lapis was grateful for the extra support.

She was grateful that Pearl even noticed enough to ask.

Outside the day was pleasant, air bright and warm, and the sun shone, casting warm light onto their skin. “Do you like summer?” Lapis asked suddenly. Pearl shrugged. “I…suppose. I like the warmth, although I don’t really enjoy being sweaty.”

Lapis nodded absently. “Yeah.” Pearl’s fingers traced over Lapis’s arm. “It’s going to be summer very soon, actually.”

“Really?” Lapis asked, slightly surprised. Pearl nodded. “After the two weeks that you’ve missed, there are only a couple left after that.” Lapis sighed with relief. “Wow, that’s really great.”

She meant that, but there was a strange little lilt in her voice when she said it. Pearl heard it too, and glanced over at her. “What is it?”

Lapis shrugged slightly. “It’s just…without school. Will... we even see each other at all?” Pearl bit her lip. “Well…I didn’t want to tell you this, I wanted to wait. But my mother said that I’ll be able to spend more time with you this summer.”

She waited hesitantly. Lapis stared at her. “Pearl. Are you serious?”

Pearl nodded. They stopped, Lapis turning so that she could face her girlfriend. “Pearl…oh Pearl. That’s amazing.” Pearl beamed. Suddenly something occurred to Lapis. “How did your mother agree to that?”

Pearl immediately flushed. “A-ah….”

Lapis rolled her eyes. “What did you tell her, Pearl.”

The older girl laughed nervously. “Um, well. I may have led her to believe that your, um, male eighteen year old cousin was going to be staying with you over the summer.” Lapis stared at her.

“ _Pearl_.”

Pearl winced slightly. “I know. I just couldn’t think of anything else! And besides, it made her really happy.” she mumbled in a tiny voice. Her grip was tight on Lapis’s arm. Lapis took a breath. And then suddenly she snorted.

Pearl glanced weirdly at her. “That’s actually…not a terrible idea.” she said, and laughed. Pearl bit her lip. “So…you’re not mad?” Lapis smiled softly. “I’m not mad.” Pearl’s shoulders loosened a bit at that.

“That’s-I’m glad.” she murmured softly. Lapis couldn’t help but grin at her. They walked on, sun shining down on both of them.

                                                                                                                                      -:-

        
Pearl sighed softly, breath ghosting against Lapis’s lips. The blue haired girl smiled gently, pulling back just ever so slightly. “You all right?” she asked Pearl in a soft voice. Pearl gave a tiny shake of her head, and then pressed her lips against Lapis’s once more.

Lapis grinned, and kissed her back just as wonderfully.

They had both come back to Lapis’s house and started on homework. Pleasantly, or perhaps unpleasantly, since the end of year testing would be starting in just two weeks, the stream of normal homework had let up to almost nothing.

Pearl knew that she still needed to study for the exams, but she felt reasonably prepared anyway, and it was sunny, and Lapis was there. So she let herself have this moment.

She and Lapis were curled up in the big soft chair in Lapis’s room, and Pearl had pushed it over so that it was by the window, in a huge patch of sun. It felt warm against Pearl’s skin. Lapis was seated so that she was sort of on top of her, legs folded onto Pearl’s lap.

She was just so tiny.

Lapis’s hands buried themselves in the short hair at the nape of her neck, resting there gently. Her lips were soft and perfect against Pearl’s. Pearl decided then that there was nothing she enjoyed more than kissing Lapis. Lapis gave her lips another soft peck, and Pearl bit back a small giggle.

Lapis pulled away, eyes curious. “What?”

Pearl giggled again. “Nothing. You’re just like a little bird.” Lapis’s eyebrows scrunched together, and her expression was so adorable. “What? No I’m not.”

Pearl laughed again, and shook her head. “Yes, you are.” She let her head fall against Lapis’s, and little bits of Lapis’s hair tickled her skin. They were silent for a long while. Then Lapis’s eyes moved to meet her own, big and wide, and utterly beautiful.

They were wide and trusting in a way that Pearl only saw. She hoped that look was only for her.

“That morning…when you left me with your mother.” Pearl winced. “Yes? What about it?” Lapis swallowed, and it appeared that her throat was dry. A smile curled at her lips before she spoke, as though the thought was making her happy.

“You called me something. A-A bluebird?” Her voice was wavering and soft. Pearl could feel her cheeks flushing even darker. “…yeah. I just-I thought it might be cute. It was probably very stupid, I know-“

Lapis squeezed her hand. “I thought it was sweet.” Pearl swallowed, her throat dry. “R-really?” she managed to stammer out. Lapis nodded, the gentlest of smiles teasing at her lips.

“Really.”

Pearl looked away, down at her lap, because looking at Lapis, at the way her eyes were sparking, was simply too hard. Lapis’s hand squeezed her own. The blue-haired girl was silent for a moment, and then-

“I need to think of a cute name for you.” she said with a grin, making Pearl blush all over again. “Oh…” Pearl mumbled. She was certain that the flush was spreading down her shoulders now.

Lapis’s legs were curled over Pearl, and their weight against Pearl’s body was comforting in a way. The other girl shifted her weight, curling into Pearl’s side. Her head fell against Pearl’s shoulder, her short hair tickling Pearl’s skin.

“….Pearl?”

Pearl blinked, glancing down at the girl on her shoulder. “Hm?”

“Why did we stop kissing?”

The smirk on Lapis’s face was only describable as wicked. Pearl blinked, trying to gather her thoughts to answer. And then she decided something. “I don’t know.” Pearl said softly, locking eyes with her.

Carefully she moved to cradle Lapis’s check with her hand, threading her fingers lightly through her hair. Lapis’s eyes were wide, and despite all her earlier flirtation, she was still; leaving the next move to Pearl.

She knew exactly what she wanted to do.

Pearl leaned forward, breath ghosting against Lapis’s skin, and she could feel it bouncing back against her own cheek.

“Lapis.” Her voice was breathless.

“Yeah.”

Pearl swallowed, and it was her plan to say more. But Lapis’s eyes were too big and too…full. Full of emotion, something that she couldn’t name. Something that she didn’t know how to name. Pearl’s fingers clung to Lapis’s, and now she squeezed them softly. She moved suddenly, pressing her mouth against Lapis’s own, in a gentle, chaste kiss.

She kissed her like that, softly, for a few seconds. Then she slowly pulled away, watching Lapis’s eyes flutter open. Their eyes met, staring into one another. And then they moved, almost at the same time, kissing one another.

It was gentle at first, but they refused to stay that way for very long.

Lapis’s arms wrapped around her neck, pulling them even closer together. Her lips were soft and kind, yet hungry with a passion that made Pearl’s stomach fill with bizarre tingles. She kissed Lapis a bit harder, lips sucking and biting pleasantly. She couldn’t help but to gasp when Lapis bit down lightly on her lip. It was strange, yet altogether pleasant.

She thought that her stomach had flipped over in her torso when Lapis’s tongue slipped into her own mouth. In its own way it was actually sort of gross, but it felt too wonderful for Pearl to ponder it for very long. Pearl pressed into Lapis harder, now making the other girl gasp.

A tiny flash of delight pulsed through her body.

Their tongued danced together , and Pearl was certain that her mind had transformed to mush. Slowly their passion began to calm, kisses changing into smaller, gentler, little pecks. Finally Pearl pulled away, letting her eyes open. Lapis’s head was leaned back against the back of the chair, eyes still shut.

Pearl laughed to herself. Finally Lapis’s eyes fluttered open, immediately focusing onto Pearl. She couldn’t help but feel pleased when she saw the dazed look in Lapis’s eyes. Pearl pecked her lips softly once more, unable to help herself.

She giggled at Lapis’s expression. Lapis blinked. “Oh…wow.”

Her fingers moved to touch her lips, eyes almost in awe. Pearl flushed, and looked away. “How on Earth are you such a good kisser?” Lapis asked, eyes still wide.

“Um…well…”

Lapis arched an eyebrow. “Oh, Pearl. You’ve got something.” Pearl quickly shook her head. "No, no, I don’t, not at all.”

She finally dared to glance back over at Lapis, and her eyes were sparkling playfully. “Pearl…”

The older girl sighed. “It’s so silly.” Lapis shook her head. “I still wanna know.”

“Well, if you must know. I-ah- I knew that when we started dating I didn’t, um wouldn’t know what to do, so I…got a bunch of magazines and things. You know they have the-all the relationship advice and tips and things?”

Pearl was certain that her entire body was beet red, but Lapis just nodded, a small smile tugging at her lips. “I read those, to um…practice. For you.” she paused, her voice quieting. “I was afraid that I wouldn’t be able to…do anything, and then you’d be disappointed." Pearl admitted softly, looking away.

“Oh Pearl….” Lapis’s hands moved to cradle her cheeks gently. “That’s so cute. But I don’t care if you weren’t a good kisser-and another thing.”

Pearl looked over at her.

“Those magazines are absolutely _stupid._ They didn’t make you become better at kissing, you were just already good at it in the first place.” A smirk tugged at her lips. “You’re a natural talent.” she said with a teasing smile, making Pearl flustered all over again.

“Oh…” Pearl murmured, blushing.

Lapis giggled, hands gentle on her cheek and neck. Slowly they leaned together once more. Their lips were just about to brush the other’s, when suddenly there was a loud-

_BEEP._

They immediately jumped apart.

Pearl blinked. “What was that?” Lapis slipped from her lap and went to the window. A scowl grew on her face. “You have got to be kidding me.”

Pearl shook her head, feeling confused. “What?” Lapis ran a hand through her hair, eyes dark and focused on something outside the window. “Just more crap from my mother.” Pearl shook her head and also stood, deciding to look out the window for herself.

Outside and far below, Lapis’s green garden of a backyard was filled with activity. It was amazing that they hadn’t heard it before then. Although to be fair, they had been very distracted with…other things.

There were men hauling in tables and a large folded up thing that Pearl guessed was some kind of tent. People, gardeners probably, were planting masses of new flowers in the beds. Over all, it was a massive display of activity. Pearl stared down at it, a little bit in awe.

“What…Is something going on here?” she asked Lapis.

Lapis scowled. “My mother, is what. Everything is a production with her. All for show. I’m just trying to ignore it.”

There was bitterness in her voice. Lapis turned away from the window, crossing her arms and going back to the corners of her room where the light didn't shine. Where it couldn’t touch her.

Pearl bit her lip, and after one last glance, she also turned away from the window. The room was quiet, and the sounds of all the busy workers floated up from below. Finally Lapis sighed, and flopped back on her bed, short hair splayed out behind her.

Pearl hesitated a moment, and then let herself fall down beside her.

The sheets were soft.

When Lapis shifted, Pearl realized that their shoulders were pressing into one another. It was still quiet, and the outside sounds seemed to fade slightly.

"Your bed's so soft.” Pearl said suddenly. Lapis was silent, and Pearl felt a slight pang. But then she let out a soft dry sort of laugh. “I wouldn't know.”

“Well, it is. Very…squishy."

“Really?”

“Hmm. Yes. My mattress is nowhere near as comfortable as this one.” Pearl patted it absently. Lapis laughed again. “Guess I have a nice one, then.”

“I think you do.” Pearl said absently.

They fell into silence again. Outside, the work men were yelling about something or another. She could feel Lapis tense beside her. Slowly, feeling as though she suddenly needed to act with caution, she found Lapis’s hand. She didn’t take it, but simply brushed over her knuckles with a finger.

Lapis jolted, and looked over. Their eyes met. Then Lapis took her hand.

She sort of clung to it, with a little bit of desperation. Pearl’s heart melted. The blue girl was almost trembling, and looked close to tears. Pearl wanted to wrap her arms around her, hold her close, but she wasn’t sure if that would be what Lapis wanted.

So she waited.

“Pearl?”

“Yes?”

Lapis’s lip trembled as she spoke. “D-do you ever feel like-like…ugh, I don’t know.”

Pearl waited.

“I-I just- I can’t take anymore. I’m just…so, so tired.” she shut her eyes, but Pearl saw the tears that still leaked from the corners of her eyes. She gave Lapis's hand a squeeze. “I know, sweetheart. I know.”

They lay there for a minute like that, laying beside one another on Lapis's bed while Lapis screwed her eyes shut and tried to swallow her tears. At some point, Pearl knew, that was all one could do.

Finally Lapis gave a little sigh, and let her eyes open. They were red and glassy. Pearl leaned onto her side, so she could face her more easily. “Lapis.”

“Yeah?”

Pearl exhaled. “Listen to me. Right now, you are very tired, and your body is having to work way extra to heal your brain. Today was your first day back at school, and I know that was stressful for you. But it’s all going to be okay. You’re going to rest, and your brain will heal, and everything will be all okay. Do you understand?”

Lapis hesitated, but then she nodded her head.

“Now. It’s almost-“ she glanced at the clock on Lapis’s nightstand, “-four thirty. I can stay for another hour. I’ll help you fix some kind of dinner, and then you’ll eat it, and then afterwards you need to go straight to bed. You need to be getting as much sleep as possible. And then tomorrow you'll wake up and be nice and fresh. And I’ll come by before school again. Help you with anything you need.”

She paused, exhaling.

“But Lapis. All this, it’s going to be just fine. You’re going to be just fine. Just take care of yourself, and give yourself a break. You’ve had such a rough couple of weeks. And maybe tomorrow afternoon we could go sit in the sun. Actually outside. The other day I was reading an article from a health magazine, and it was where doctors had done experiments with sick patients. They had them sit in the sun for twenty minutes every day and it had a huge positive impact on their health. It improved their moods, and everything.”

Lapis’s eyes flickered with curiosity. "Really?"

Pearl nodded. “Yeah. It was very interesting. I could bring it for you to read, if you’re interested.” Lapis nodded. “Yeah, please. That sounds cool.”

Pearl smiled softly. “Just give yourself a little break. You’ll see that everything will turn out just fine. All you need is time.”

Her eyes focused carefully onto Pearl’s, and she nodded. Her blue purple orbs were filled with trust. All Pearl could hope was that she’d never let those precious eyes down. Mentally she made herself promise that she would do anything to never let that happen.

A sad smile tugged at her lips, and Lapis returned it, although she had no way of knowing the thoughts behind it. Pearl held out her arms, and after a moment of hesitation Lapis smiled and let herself fall into the comfort of Pearl’s arms.

Pearl held her tightly, almost desperately. Lapis sighed into the curve of her neck. It had a breathless sort of sound to it.

“Pearl?”

“Hm?”

“I love you. So much.” Lapis whispered. Pearl knew that she had heard it before, but even now, hearing Lapis say those words in such a soft, vulnerable way, made her breath catch in her throat.

Lapis pulled back carefully from her arms to study her face. Her eyes were soft, pouring over every line in Pearl’s face. Lapis’s short blue hair fluttered over her cheeks, ruffled and just as careless as a birdsong, yet a thousand times more beautiful.

There was a lump in Pearl’s throat, as big as an egg. Slowly she smiled. “Lapis?”

A faint smile danced on Lapis’s lips. “Yeah?”

Pearl swallowed, lips like sandpaper.

“I-I think you’re the first person who's ever wanted to read an article that I’ve suggested.”

They stared at one another. And then they were laughing, giggling madly at nothing at all. They ended up flopped back against Lapis’s pillows, still giggling. When they both finally managed to stop, both of them were breathless.

Their chests were heaving, trying to get enough air into their lungs. Pearl’s eyes darted to Lapis’s face. Hair scattered everywhere, cheeks flushed a radiant pink. The freckles that speckled her cheeks glittered in the afternoon light.

Suddenly her heart melted. And she kissed her.

Lapis gasped a little, and then she melted into the kiss. Pearl pulled back, but not far. Her eyes were shining; she could feel it. Lapis stared up at her, eyes all colors at once.

“Lapis-“

“What?”

“I love you. I love you so, so, much. I can never tell you how much.” she whispered, pressing kisses all over Lapis’s face and cheeks, kissing her eyelids and forehead and hair and lips and neck, all while Lapis giggled madly.

Finally she pulled away, meeting Lapis’s eyes once more. They were shining.

Pearl kissed her again.

                                                                                                                                  -:-

  
The next morning Lapis woke to the sun shining harshly against her eyeballs. She blinked and, with a groan of annoyance, covered her eyes with the back of her hand.

Oh, right. Pearl had opened her curtains the afternoon before, and Lapis had forgotten to close them before she went to bed. And because of that, sunlight was now piercing through the glass, casting sharp patterns of light across her room.

Lapis sighed softly. She then glanced over at her clock. And then she groaned.

Its hands read 8:45 ever so smugly.

With all of Pearl’s careful planning and assist, both of them had neglected to remember to set Lapis’s alarm clock.

Lapis stared at it, a little in disbelief. A voice, one that sounded suspiciously like Pearl’s, told her to run. Get up, get out of bed, get dressed, and get to school. Doesn’t matter if you’re a little bit late, better late than not at all.

And then there was the other voice.

Reminding her of the little seed of a headache, just beginning at the bridge of her nose. Of how tired her body was, and how much her back was starting to ache. Lapis shut her eyes.

Pearl was going to be so upset with her.

She flopped back against her pillows and shut her eyes once more.

                                                                                                                                       -:-

  
Lapis finally managed to get herself up at around 11:00.

She stumbled around, putting on her clothes while somehow, miraculously, managing not to fall on her face. Lapis then went into her bathroom, and brushed her hair, dabbed on concealer just under her eyes, and took her daily dose of pills that the doctor had given her.

All of that made her head hurt, just from sheer effort.

But the medicine would help quickly, and in the meantime she could just go sit down. She stared at herself in the mirror. It was sunny outside. Perhaps she would take Pearl’s suggestion and go sit outside while she waited for her medicine to work.

And she was sort of cold. Maybe she could get herself warmed that way. Lapis nodded at her reflection, mind made up.

  
After she gathered her sunglasses, a glass of water, and a book, Lapis finally went outside. The sun was still shining down brightly, and Lapis could tell that it would be a warm day.

The light was warm against her skin.

She sat down in one of the metal chairs on the large stone patio that was against her house. Lapis had thought that she might want to read, but when she sat back, the sun warm against her skin, she realized that her eyelids were growing heavier and heavier.

Softly she sighed, and decided that she didn’t feel like fighting it. Lapis let her eyes close.

She slept for a while, and then sat up and began reading her book, as she had intended to in the first place. By this time all of the ice cubes in her water glass had melted away into slush.

It was still plenty cool though.

Above her, birds were chirping, fluttering around madly. It was almost summer. Soon she would be finished with school for the year, and she would have all the time that she wanted. And, hopefully, all the time with Pearl that she wanted.

A smile curved at her lips as she remembered the lie that Pearl said she had made. It was such a sweet thing for her to do. Lapis knew how much she hated lying, so it meant that spending time with her was really important to her.

Her fingers tapped rhythmically against the hard cover of her book. She tried, just for a moment, to imagine that she was Pearl. After a minute she realized that she simply could not.

Lapis couldn’t understand.

She sighed, letting her head fall back against the metal rods of the chair. Her body felt clammy. She wanted something, but what exactly, she didn’t know. She just didn’t know what she wanted.

Deep inside herself, she knew that she wished they could just leave. Take only a few things and leave. Run somewhere far away where no one could follow. Just simply be together, without all of the difficulties.

Suddenly Lapis felt a flash of anger.

They shouldn’t _have_ to run away. It wasn’t as though she or Pearl were criminals. All they wanted was to love each other in peace. Without anyone’s anger or hate being directed at them.

It was not their fault.

It was not their fault that no one in their small town had a big enough mind to grasp that love was universal. Something that couldn’t be boxed in. That two girls could love each other, and be together, and never need a boy.

Her hands clenched. They were small-minded. She understood that. And she wasn’t going to hear their words any more. Lapis would love Pearl, in every secret way that she needed to.

Anything to keep them both safe. Protected from the hideous world of their tiny town. And then, once they were older, older and freer, they would leave. Run away to a tiny house in the middle of nowhere, or the huge city, so filled with uncaring people one may as well have disappeared.

The clouds were huge and fluffy. Like big cotton balls, glued to a piece of blue construction paper.

Lapis exhaled through her nose. There were a trail of footfalls from outside her fence. Too heavy to be Pearl.

They broke a twig.

Lapis’s stomach clenched. She didn’t turn to look in the direction of the gate. She didn’t want to see. Then, ever so slowly, she heard the unused gate creak open painfully. She shut her eyes behind the dark glass of her sunglasses.

Footsteps came up to where she sat. Still she didn’t open her eyes.

There was silence for a long time, and Lapis could hear every single bird chirping. And finally, they spoke. “Lapis.”

Lapis visibly winced. Slowly she opened her eyes.

“Jasper.” she murmured. The huge girl stood above her, looming. Her arms were bare, only wearing a tank top and leggings. Her face was very close to blank, but Lapis could see the flicker of something else in them.

Jasper’s blonde hair was shorter too, now only brushing the tops of her shoulders. She seemed different.

Perhaps…diminished.

Lapis swallowed, and the action was more painful than she thought that it would be. “What-what are you doing here?”

“I heard you got hurt.”

“Why do you care?” Lapis said harshly. Jasper scowled. “I have _always_ cared about you Lapis. You’re the one who likes to pretend otherwise.”

Lapis stared at her. “You care about me? I’m sorry, I didn’t realize that shoving me against the lockers at school and trying to rape me is just you showing how much you care.” she spat bitterly.

Jasper’s hands clenched. “That’s not- I didn’t mean it that way! You know that!”

Lapis up at her, face blank. “ _No, Jasper_. I don’t _know_ that. Because that wasn’t the way it felt to me. I-I told you no. I always told you no, and you never listened. You never do.”

Jasper’s jaw quavered, tall and ridged. And then it fell.

 

She hung her head.

“I didn’t mean for it to be like this.” she spoke softly. Lapis shut her eyes. “Jasper…sit down. Please.” she said, voice a whisper.

There was a moment when everything was still. And then Jasper, tall, proud Jasper took the seat beside her. Her eyes refused to meet Lapis’s. Or maybe it was that Lapis couldn’t make herself meet Jasper’s eyes.

Not after all this time.

Neither of them spoke. Finally, Lapis knew that she would have to be the one. “Jasper. Why-why are you acting like this? Why can’t you just accept that we’re not together any more?”

“Because you’re wrong!”

“I can’t _be_ wrong. If I’m saying that I don’t want to date you anymore, you have to believe that I mean it.”

Jasper shook her head. “No, no. You never realized how good we were together. We were great. We…we were so happy.” Her voice had a note of desperation in it. Lapis shook her head.

It took her a moment to form her words.

“We were not happy Jasper. I wasn’t happy, and neither were you.”

“Yes, we were!” She insisted.

“No, we weren’t. You don't remember how we fought? You would scream, and I would cry, and then scream right back at you.” Lapis whispered, staring into Jasper’s golden eyes. They almost seemed glassy.

“B-but Lapis. That’s not-I’m not like that now! I’m different, I’ve changed. I’ll do better this time, I just need another chance.” she spoke quickly.

Lapis shook her head.

“Jasper, you don’t understand. I…I don’t think you’re a bad person. But I think…I think you made _me_ a bad person. I don't think that you’re horrible. I think that us, together,” she gestured between them, “is horrible. We’re not good together. And, for both our sakes, we’ve got to stop.”

She exhaled, waiting for a reaction. Jasper was still as stone. Quickly she sniffled.

“You’re really done, aren’t you.”

It wasn’t a question, but Lapis still nodded. “Yeah. And I want you to be done too. There’s someone out there who’s better than me. Someone who will fit with you, who will just click. Who you won’t have to try so hard with. You need to let yourself find them.” she said gently. Jasper nodded, hanging her head.

Finally, she raised her head.

“Did-did you ever love me?” She asked, eyes piercing into Lapis’s own. And for the first time that day, Lapis answered without thinking. “Yes.. I did. You…were my first. And in a way, somehow, I think that I still do.” She answered truthfully.

Jasper nodded, and she seemed satisfied. Her golden eyes seemed very far away.

“I just…I didn’t want it to be this way. I wanted it to work so much, I guess I never stopped to realize…I hurt you, didn’t I.” Her eyes focused back onto Lapis’s. There was a painful dry spot in Lapis’s throat. She didn’t want to answer Jasper’s question, but she knew that she had to.

Slowly she nodded.

“Yeah. You did.” She whispered softly.

The huge girl’s expression twisted slightly, and it seemed to be pained, and perhaps something else. Perhaps regretful. Jasper exhaled loudly.

“I’d say sorry. But I don’t think that someone can just say sorry to this. To fix all this.” Her voice, so strong and confident, cracked slightly on those words.

Lapis shook her head, and carefully reached for Jasper’s hand. It was so much larger than her own. “Jasper. I…don’t need a sorry. I just want all the anger, from both of us, to stop. I want you to not be angry at Pearl. That’s it.” she spoke, voice careful.

Jasper groaned.

“Oh god. Your little girlfriend. I threatened her too. Why…” she trailed off. Lapis squeezed her hand. “I was furious at you for that. I was so scared that you were going to hurt her. And then I realized.”

Jasper looked up. “What?”

“That you had no intention of hurting her.” Lapis said softly. Jasper’s face shifted, into an expression of reproach. “I-“

“You don’t hurt people, Jasper. You don’t mean to, at least. If you do, it's because you got carried away with whatever happened in the moment. You might claim to, but you would never set out to intentionally harm someone.”

Jasper stared at her. “You don’t know that.”

Lapis shrugged. “Maybe not for certain. After all, I’m not you. But I’m trusting you not to let me down.” She paused, breathing out. “I don’t want to be with you. But I don’t want to hate you, either. I know we can’t right now…but maybe sometime, in the future, we could even be friends again?” she said hesitantly.

Jasper didn’t meet her eyes.

Then, very slowly, a smile tugged at her lips. And she was grinning.

Lapis returned it, and carefully squeezed her hand once before letting go. Jasper nodded once, before sitting back slightly in her chair. They both lapsed into silence, staring up at the sky. Then something occurred to Lapis.

“Jasper?”

“Hm?”

“Shouldn’t you be at school right now?”

A wolfish grin curved at Jasper’s lips, and Lapis rolled her eyes. “Oh. Right.”

Jasper laughed softly. It faded, and she glanced at Lapis again. “Really though. You okay? I heard you got knocked in the head pretty bad. Anyone you need me to beat up?"

“Awww. You’d really do that for me?” Lapis answered, entirely sarcastic. “Yep. You’re fine.” Jasper said with the very faintest of smirks.

They settled back, quiet for a minute or two. “Now who am I supposed to date?” Jasper asked, almost to thin air. Lapis shifted to a more comfortable position in her chair.

“What about someone who’s just as sporty as you, and almost as arrogant?" Lapis asked brightly. Jasper rolled her eyes. “Ha ha. You got someone in mind?”

Lapis shook her head, now the one with a smirk. “Probably about your age, and hot, but in, like, a sporty way.”

Jasper eyed her warily. “Um…okay?”

The blue haired girl grinned.

 

“I may know just the person.”

                                                                                                                               -:-

Pearl was so annoyed with Lapis. Perhaps _annoyed_ wasn’t the right word. Maybe… _irked_.

Yes, she was irked with Lapis. That was it.

She hadn’t shown up to school. The _one_ day that Pearl couldn’t go to her house before school, because she had to work in the library. Pearl bit down a wave of frustration. And she had no way of knowing what was happening.

Lapis could be dead, or she could have just over slept. But Pearl had no way of knowing which one was true.

Both of them could be wrong. Maybe Lapis fell. When she was taking a shower. And hit her head again.

Pearl bit down harder on her lip.

She was starting to get a sore on the inside of her lip, just from biting down on it so much. But she couldn’t help it. After all, she had a stupid idiot girlfriend who was constantly making Pearl worry about her.

She quickened her pace into something close to a run, but still on the right side of dignified. Sort of.

Hopefully.

She sighed, and broke into a run. If she was going to be this stressed out, she might as well look like a fool while doing it.

                                                                                                                                                -:-

When she got to Lapis’s house she was clutching her side, painfully out of breath. But that was to be expected, sprinting almost the entire way from their high school to Lapis’s house.

Pearl sighed, trying to smooth her hair, and likely failing. Without thinking, she tried the lock, and, of course, the door popped right open. Pearl stared at it, mouth open.

It had been left unlocked, probably overnight.

 _Lapis…._ Pearl grumbled mentally to herself.

Briskly she went upstairs, taking the steps two at a time. All of her previous exhaustion had disappeared. She charged into Lapis’s bedroom, to find the said girl asleep on her bed. A wave of pounding relief washed over her.

She wasn’t dead.

“Lapis!” she said loudly.

Her eyes opened instantly, staring surprised into Pearl’s own. “Pearl?”

Pearl stared at her, and immediately felt annoyed. “Lapis, why in the world didn’t you come to school?”

“Pearl I-“

“Are you sick? I didn't know where you were!”

“Pearl I-“

“Did you know how worried I was? I thought you might be dead!” Pearl continued, waving her hands around wildly. “I didn’t know what to do, I’ve just been so worried all day long and-“

“Pearl!”

The tall girl blinked. “Um…what?”

Lapis smiled up at her, a little bit dryly. “Pearl. I’m fine.”

Pearl sniffled, wiping a little at her eyes. “Really?” Lapis nodded, a smile curving at her lips. “Yeah. Actually, I’m perfectly fine.” Pearl sniffed again. “Oh…I’m glad.” she murmured softly.

Lapis grinned, and held out her arms. Pearl hesitated, but then she fell into Lapis, her girlfriend's arms wrapping comfortingly around her. She nuzzled into her shirt, and Lapis laughed softly. Her fingers smoothed gently over Pearl’s short hair.

“Oh…baby. I’m so sorry that I was too lazy to show up. I made you all worried, didn’t I.”

Pearl nodded slightly. “I’m always afraid that you’re dead.” Lapis’s arms squeezed her tighter. “Oh Pearl. That’s awful. But I’m not dead, I promise.”

Pearl huffed into her shirt, and wrapped her arms around Lapis’s waist. The other girl’s skin was warm. “You’ve been outside?”

Lapis nodded, chin resting on Pearl’s shoulder. “Yeah. I’ve been outside all morning. I sat in the sun, like you suggested.” Pearl smiled slightly. “Oh?”

“Yeah. I actually feel a lot better now. It was a good idea.” Pearl smiled. “You feel really warm.” That made Lapis giggle. They sighed together. “Well, I hope you enjoyed yourself here.” Pearl said, but her voice wasn’t sharp.

Lapis lips twisted into that smirk, and she pressed a kiss against Pearl’s forehead before answering. “You won’t believe who came by this morning.” she murmured, smirk still perfectly in place. Pearl shut her eyes, rubbing into the soft fabric of Lapis’s knit top. “Hmm…who?”

Lapis’s fingers traced slow, calming circles on her shoulder. “Jasper.”

It took a moment for Pearl to process what she had said. “What?” she said suddenly, sitting straight up. Lapis nodded vaguely. “Yeah.” Pearl’s fingers rubbed together, worry pulsing through her nerves. “What-what did she say? Did she hurt you? Are you okay-“

Lapis squeezed her hand gently, and stopped her. “I’m fine. She came…because she had heard that I had been hurt. We talked. I think-I think we might be okay now.” Her voice was quiet, and Pearl’s worries faded ever so slightly. She bit her lip, and then remembered, and stopped.

“That’s…good, I suppose. As long as you’re okay.”

Lapis smiled softly. “I’m okay.”

Her fingers were warm against Pearl’s thin ones. They sat there on Lapis’s bed, still and quiet. Just letting one another absorb the other’s presence. Suddenly Lapis smiled, brighter now.

“Hey. I had something that I wanted to ask you.” Pearl looked up, tilting her head slightly. Now Lapis had her curious. “What is it?”

Lapis tried to hide her grin, but she was failing miserably. “You know that party thing that my mother’s having?”

Pearl nodded.

“Well, it’s this weekend. Saturday night. I wanted to ask if you’d be my date.” she said it confidently, but her cheeks were pink, and her eyes were shyly avoiding Pearl’s. Suddenly Pearl felt like beaming.

“I’d love to.” Pearl said softly, entirely truthful. Lapis’s smile was as wide and bright as Pearl had ever seen. “Oh that’s-Thank you.”

Pearl laughed softly. “You know that I’d love to.”

Lapis hugged her, and Pearl carefully returned it. That was one thing that hadn’t been badly affected by Lapis’s concussion. It was true that she could be far more sad and moody now, but when she was happy, or filled with affection, it too was also pushed to the same extreme. Sometimes she would just lean over and hug Pearl, without a bit of warning.

Pearl, although it seemed like something that would annoy her, even to herself, rather liked it. She found the entire thing…joyful.

And hugs from her girlfriend were always welcome.

Pearl smiled faintly to herself and returned the gesture. Lapis grinned into her shoulder. “I was worried that you’d be mad because I didn’t come to school, and then you wouldn’t want to.” Lapis said, a bit bashfully.

Pearl quickly shook her head. "Oh, no. Of course not. I would never say no. And I’m not _upset_. I was just worried about you, that’s all.” Lapis rolled her eyes.

“That’s all? That’s an understatement Pearl.”

“I worry!” Pearl said reproachfully.

Lapis nodded, hand tracing Pearl’s cheek. “I know. Mostly because I cause you to. And I’m truly very sorry for that.” Pearl sighed, and leaned her head against Lapis’s shoulder with a reproachful huff.

“Well, if you’re so sorry, then I think it’s only fair for you to make it up to me.” She stared at Lapis through her eyelashes.

Lapis smiled faintly. Mentally Pearl bit back a laugh.

“Then please, tell me. How might I make it up to you?” Lapis murmured, hands tracing at Pearl's sweater.

Pearl let her arms slowly wrap around Lapis’s slim shoulders, and slipped closer to the other girl. “I have a few ideas.” Lapis grinned, and then, almost surprising Pearl, but not quite, kissed her.

It was too soon, and a bit off movement. It was unpredictable, and Pearl loved it.

She melted into Lapis, arms twisting around her neck and holding her tightly. Lapis kissed her, laugh in her breath. It was joyous. But Pearl wasn’t done. Arms already wrapped tightly around Lapis’s neck, Pearl let herself fall backwards against the pillows on top of Lapis’s bed, effectively bringing the blue-haired girl with her.

She let out a small squeak of surprise, and Pearl couldn't hide the small giggle that escaped. But it was only a moment’s pause and then they were back to kissing again, a very pleasant distraction.

Lapis pulled away a little while later. Her eyes were glistening, and she was breathless. “So. You still mad?”

Pearl frowned. “I was never mad.” Lapis laughed softly. “Yeah sure.”

“Lapis…”

The blue girl grinned. “Sorry Princess.” She pressed her lips against Pearl’s once more, only to pull away again a moment later.

Pearl huffed. “Now what?”

Lapis’s eyes were glinting. “How long?”

Pearl shrugged. “I have ballet rehearsal in one hour.”

Lapis’s eyes were dark. “Perfect. Just enough time.”

“Just enough time for wh-“ she stopped mid-sentence, as she felt it. Lapis’s hand, brushing ever so lightly upwards, past her skirt’s hem and touching her pale hip. Pearl’s cheeks flushed red.

“Oh…”

Lapis’s eyes stared into her own, wide and cautious. She wouldn’t do anything that Pearl didn’t want. Pearl knew that. And that was just one of the reasons why she loved her.

“You’re right. You’d better hurry.” Pearl said with a small smile.

Lapis grinned bright and wide, and leaned forward and kissed Pearl again. “I love you.” she whispered against Pearl’s lips, and then she was kissing Pearl, cradling her so very gently, until Pearl felt as if she had melted into the sheets.

                                                                                                                                -:-

  
By the time they had finished, with five minutes to spare no less, Pearl felt as if she would now be permanently breathless. Lapis kissed her lips a last time, before flopping off of her, and onto her back just beside Pearl. Her shoulder pressed into Pearl’s, and the pale girl could feel how hot her bare skin was.

Pearl exhaled breathlessly. With even the tiniest glance at the girl to her side, Pearl could see the wide grin stretched across her face. Pearl rolled her eyes.

“You look like a cat that’s just swallowed a mouse, you’re so pleased with yourself.” Pearl said, but it wasn’t sour in the least. Lapis laughed at that.

“Well, I certainly just finished eating something.”

Pearl would’ve blushed, except for the fact that her face was already as red as it could possibly get. She gently slapped at Lapis’s thigh. “Oh hush you.” Lapis giggled again. “I think you’re getting even redder, oh my goodness.”

She giggled again, very pleased with herself.

Pearl shifted slightly, and certainly would’ve kissed Lapis again, with her being so giggly and cute, if she weren’t so tired. As it were, she satisfied herself with tracing little circles over the small of Lapis’s back. It made the blue-haired girl sigh softly.

“Oh Pearl…” she murmured, shutting her eyes. Pearl smiled gently, enjoying the soft little shuffle Lapis made, letting their bare bodies press into one another. She bit back a laugh at the positively adorable little scrunched up face Lapis made, with her eyes pressed shut tightly as she bit down on her bottom lip.

“You’re so cute, and I love you.” Pearl said, kissing the tip of her nose. The _I love you_ was a little random, even to her, but she couldn’t help it, she just felt it. Lapis’s fingers twisted into her hair, tugging just ever so slightly.

Pearl noticed their position had turned into her, pressing into Lapis’s tummy, with the smaller girl ending up on her back. Lapis seemed so open and just…vulnerable, and it made Pearl’s stomach feel rather funny. In the most pleasant way.

She was just about to kiss Lapis again, when she remembered the clock.

Lapis’s eyes were still shut tight, vulnerable and waiting. But Pearl had to go.

“Lapis, darling…” she murmured brushing a hand over Lapis’s shut eyes. They fluttered open, Lapis seeming hopelessly confused. “What?”

Pearl bit her lip. “I have to go, remember?”

Lapis’s blue eyes stared at her, trying to understand. Slowly she did. They swelled big and sad and watery. She bit down hard on her lip and nodded.

“Okay…I understand.” She whispered sadly, pulling away with a sniffle. She flopped onto her side, back to Pearl, and Pearl could hear the sniffles and bitten down sobs that Lapis was trying so hard to hide. Her body was shaking.

Pearl stared at the clock. And then suddenly, she changed her mind. Screw it. All that was at ballet was ridiculous Jamie, who still probably couldn’t lift her, and her teacher's complaints that she still couldn’t see every single one of her ribs.

Lapis was here, and, right now, she was the most important. Pearl moved quickly, and hugged her gently around the waist, pulling Lapis’s tiny form against her own. Lapis shifted immediately, twisting in her arms to look at her. Her eyes were wide and mystified, and perhaps the teeniest bit hopeful.

Pearl smiled down at her.

“Pearl…”

“I’m not going.”

“But Pearl…you need to. It’s important.”

Pearl shook her head. “You’re more important.”

“No, I’m-I’m not. Really, you need to go.” Lapis protested weakly. Pearl shook her head once more, smiling widely. “I absolutely refuse to go.”

Lapis stared at her, face a bit dumbstruck. “Oh…”

Pearl smiled brightly and pressed a light kiss against Lapis’s heart lips. She pulled back a moment later, still smiling down at Lapis. Lapis’s body was warm beneath her. Her hands traced gentle circles around Lapis’s shoulders. “Now, what what-ah…” she blushed thickly.

Lapis giggled faintly, scrunching her arms around her face with sudden bashfulness. “Pearl. You know.” she whispered shyly. Her blue eyes were wide and expectant. Pearl swallowed, throat suddenly dry. “Um, yes. Of course.”

She stared down at Lapis, and was all of a sudden overwhelmed with uncertainty. Lapis stared at her. “Pearl?”

Pearl bit her lip. “Lapis…I don’t know what to do.” She whispered, cheeks blazing. Lapis stared at her. “Oh.”

They were silent for a moment. Embarrassment was starting to completely overwhelm Pearl, when Lapis smiled gently. “I can show you, if you’d like.” Her voice was soft. The air was trapped in Pearl’s lungs.

“I-ah-okay.” A vague smile curved gently at Lapis’s lips. “All right.”

Carefully her fingers wrapped around Pearl’s thin wrist. And, ever so slowly, guided it to the part of her legs. Pearl stared at it a bit dumbly.

“Press it there.”

“Uh, is this right?”

Lapis nodded, biting back a groan. “Uhuh. Just like that…oh Pearl. Yes, yes. That’s it…oh.”

“Now, uh, what do I do?”

“Push- it inside, yes, oh, just like that, right there. Just like that…oh that’s perfect.”

“Oh, I’m um, glad.”

“Harder. Pearl, please, oh, yes…just that. Maybe curve them just a little bit….ooh, you’ve got it…. _oh_.”

Lapis sighed breathlessly, letting her body flop back against the sheets with apparent exhaustion. Pearl hovered over her, desperate to kiss her, but unsure it that would be something that Lapis would appreciate.

After a moment of breathing heavily, Lapis's eyes fluttered open, meeting Pearl’s. They stared at each other, eyes meeting one another’s. “…well, aren’t you going to kiss me now?” Lapis asked cheekily.

Pearl blushed pink to the tips of her ears. “Anything for you bluebird.” she said softly. That made Lapis blush too. Carefully Pearl kissed her. It was gentle, yet full of love. Her hands traced at Lapis’s cheeks and wove into her hair.

Lapis melted into her, arching her back into Pearl’s torso, nothing but skin between them. After a moment Pearl made a rather painful decision and pulled away from Lapis’s heavenly kiss, eyes opening.

There was a question eating at her mind, and she desperately wanted to know the answer. “Um…Lapis?”

A smirk danced on Lapis’s lips. “Yes Pearl?”

Pearl’s heart was beating far too fast too be considered any normal, safe rate. “So, um…just now. Doing….that. H-How was-“

Lapis full on smirked at her. “Baby, you did great. A++.”

Pearl’s eyes darted away bashfully. “I wasn’t-I didn’t need a grade.”

Lapis’s hand cupped her cheek. “Of course not. But it made you feel better, didn’t it.” Pearl hid her face in Lapis’s chest while the blue-haired girl just laughed. Her fingers petted Pearl’s short hair softly, and finally coaxed Pearl out of hiding.

She smiled at her, and her eyes were glowing with light. She was beautiful. Her face was bare, splatters of freckles covering her nose and cheeks. Lapis’s eyes shone seemingly with every color of blue. Her heart lips were curved into a darling smile.

In that moment Pearl loved her more than anything.

She told her so, and watched that beautiful light sparkle in Lapis’s eyes. Lapis slipped her arms around Pearl’s torso and pulled her as close as she could. “I love you too.” Pearl sniffled with emotion. Lapis held her close, and they cuddled, both utterly exhausted.

Suddenly something occurred to Pearl, and she groaned. Lapis glanced down at her, fingers still rubbing at her scalp. “What?”

Pearl bit her lip. “My clothes are going to be so wrinkly now.” she murmured sadly.

Lapis tried to hide a snort and failed.

“Lapis, I am serious!”

“I know Princess, that’s why it’s so funny.”

“Lapis!”

Lapis just laughed.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I LIKE THIS CHAPTER A LOT. 
> 
> Anyway. I'm also on spring break from college, so that's awesome! I don't have as much to say as I wish I did. I've started reading a lot of kim possible fanfiction. I think I'm starting to ship kigo a lot. More gay!!!
> 
> In the same vein, what was your first "ship"? Mine was Percy/Annabeth from the Percy Jackson series (I was eight)^-^ 
> 
> I really wanna know!!
> 
> Also, please comment, because I cannot tell you how happy they make me^-^ I luv talking to all of u!!!


	20. The chapter with a very rotten swan

Pearl stared at Lapis.  She couldn’t look anywhere else. 

The blue-haired girl’s eyes studied Pearl’s face as her lips twisted into a smirk.  “Is there something you want to say Pearl?” 

Pearl considered taking a step backwards, but found that her back was already pressed firmly against the wall. Lapis grinned and took another step closer, now pressing into Pearl.  She could feel the warmth of Lapis’s skin. 

Lapis’s hands traced at her waist, tugging at her sweater.  She looked up at Pearl suddenly, catching Pearl staring at her.  Her smirk widened, if that were possible.  “See something you like?”  she said in a murmur.  Pearl swallowed.  “I-ah-“ 

Lapis laughed, and began to kiss her neck, lips red lips ghosting along the length of her neck.   “Would you like me to take it off?” she whispered.  Pearl gave a small whine, feeling massively overwhelmed.  It seemed as though Lapis took that as a yes, because she stepped back, and briskly tossed her bra to the side. 

And now she was topless and seemed throughly pleased with how red Pearl was. She paused in her affection to gaze at Pearl, eyes tracing slowly over Pearl's body and making her skin feel like fire.  

But the break didn't last for long. 

She slammed Pearl into the wall, kissing her hungrily.  Her hands began to tug her dress from her shoulders, rubbing at her chest, everything.  Pearl moaned, all of this almost more than she could bare. 

Lapis pulled back, only to then start kissing her neck, biting down here and there, almost certainly leaving a trail of marks behind her lips. 

Pearl’s hips pressed hopelessly against her girlfriend’s, the area between her thighs growing hot and uncomfortable.  “L-Lapis…Lapis, please.”  Lapis pulled away from her neck, ears twitching slightly. 

“Yeah baby?” 

“Lapis I-please…” Her girlfriend grinned, her teeth growing long into sharp fangs.  “But I want to eat you darling!”  Lapis's tail curled out from behind her. 

 

Pearl screamed.  

 

And then she sat straight up, opening her eyes. 

It took her eyes a moment to adjust to the darkness. 

She was in her room.  She was alone.  Alone in her bed.  It had been a dream. 

Just a dream. 

Pearl sighed, rubbing at her shoulders.  Her heart was still pounding and her body felt very clammy.   And that uncomfortable feeling was still between her legs.  She inhaled through her teeth. 

She almost wished that cat Lapis was still there.  Pearl groaned unhappily, and flopped back against her pillow. 

She couldn’t manage to get any sleep for the rest of the night.  

                                                                                                                                    -:-

Pearl trudged down to breakfast in a ragingly bad mood. 

It hadn’t helped anything that she hadn’t managed to get anymore sleep after that dream. 

She bit back a shiver. Just thinking about it now made her tingly-feeling. 

It wasn’t a nice tingly feeling either, it was one that made her knees weak and her cheeks hot and embarrassed.  But it wasn’t as though she could go running over to Lapis’s house in the middle of the night and ask her to…do that.

She would maybe ask Lapis after school.  Pearl flushed against her will. 

No, she wouldn’t.   That would simply be too much. 

But she wanted to. 

Ugh…. Why couldn’t a single one of her feelings be normal? 

She sulked her way through breakfast, her mother too busy to converse, and her father too busy reading his paper.  She chewed her food in silence.  Pearl ignored it when her mother sat down beside her and started sifting through the mail from the day before.  

But she did look up when her mother gave a little pause.  “What is it Mother?” 

Her mother was focused on the slip of card in her hands, clutching at it rather tightly.  “Oh Pearl…”

“What?”  She was beginning to grow worried. 

“I knew that you would do it! Make something useful come of spending so much time with that girl, and then look how it went!”  Pearl frowned.  “Excuse me?” 

Her mother handed the card to her impatiently.  “Here.  _Look_.” 

It was an invitation, printed on nice paper. In fancy script it read;  _You are welcome to attend a dinner at the home of Madeline Coren and…._  

Pearl stared at it, hands shaking slightly.  Her mother was still talking. 

“…and this will be such a good opportunity for our family, and your job, and of course, you dear!” she said at Pearl.  Pearl swallowed.  “Um…how so?”  Her mother looked at her as though she were oblivious, which Pearl supposed she sort of was. 

“ _Pearl_.  There will certainly be a plethora of suitable boys there! All sorts.  It will get you out more.  All you need is to get out more. That’s all.”  She sounded as if she were convincing herself of that. 

Pearl nodded slightly, with her eyes fixed onto the ground.  “Yes Mother.” 

Her mother made a slight hm, already distracted again.  “Oh, and it’s this Saturday!  And it’s already Thursday…oh we have just so much to do! Well, once you get home from school we’ll need to go out.  You’ll need a new dress and all sorts of-“ 

“This afternoon?” Pearl interrupted. 

Her mother looked a bit taken aback.  “Well, yes, of course.  This is important sweetheart.  Do you have somewhere else you need to be?” 

Pearl swallowed, her throat feeling tight.  “I was going to study at Lapis’s house this afternoon.” she said in a tiny voice. 

A frown curled at her mother’s lips. 

“Again? You’ve been going over there almost every day lately. It would be better for you to have a change of scenery.  And to give that girl some space.  You don’t want to become a bother to her by clinging like a limp blanket. You just tell her today at school that you can’t today, all right?” 

Pearl nodded, staring at her bowl of oatmeal.  “Yes Mother.” she said quietly.  

Her mother smiled, satisfied.  Suddenly Pearl no longer felt hungry.  Quietly she stood, and went to the sink.  Pearl rinsed the oatmeal down the drain.

She picked up her school bag, pushing the strap higher on her shoulder.  “I’m going to go on now Mother.”

Her mother glanced up from the table.  “All right sweetie.  Have a nice day! And don’t forget, we’re going to leave to go shopping once you get home!”  Her expression was excited, eyes brighter than Pearl had seen in a long time. 

Something inside her stomach clenched.

Suddenly she felt awful.

So she smiled, truly, honestly smiled.  “I can’t wait Momma.” She then went and gave her mother a light kiss on her cheek.  “I’ll see you then.” 

And then she turned to leave, waving a little and then slipping out the door.  Pearl started off, thoughts turning to school when suddenly she remembered that she had left her jacket on the back of her chair in her room. 

She could simply borrow from someone else for the day, but she just hated not having her own things. And the air was too chilled to do without.  So, heaving a small sigh, she turned back. 

Her hand was just resting on the door handle, when she heard her own name floating through the door.   Her hand stilled. 

“-I’m just saying Catherine, that she spends a lot of time with that girl.” 

Her father’s voice was laced with annoyance.  Pearl’s mother made a small hm. 

“Henry, you know that it’s a good thing for our family for her to be friends with that girl.  Building connections is important. And besides, it seems as though they’ve actually become close. It’s important for a girl of Pearl’s age to have friends.” 

“At her _impressionable_ age, I think that it would be better for her to be spending time with a girl that we would actually like her to turn out like.”  Her father snapped.

Pearl winced. 

Her mother took a long time before answering.

“Lapis is not a bad girl. She’s actually rather sweet-“

“I don’t like the way she thinks.  I don’t like the ideas that she has in that bratty head of hers.” Her father interrupted.

“You work for her mother.  She runs the company.” Pearl’s mother’s voice dropped.  There was a snort from her father.  “Please.  That woman…she’s the biggest bitch I’ve ever seen in my life.  It’s like she truly believes that we’re her slaves. It’s not even appropriate work for her.  Who ever heard of a woman, running a company?  I’d be about too embarrassed to tell anyone about it.” 

There was silence for a long time.  And then her mother spoke again, her voice low. 

“I won’t tell Pearl not to be friends with her.” 

Her father made a noise in the back of his throat.  “Then I will.” 

Pearl’s stomach was clenched so tightly that she half suspected that she wouldn't be able to breath again. And then, ever so faintly, she heard her mother laugh. 

“Please, go right ahead.  _Command_ her.  But in case you haven’t noticed, Pearl is not me. She won’t simply _obey_ you.” Her mother’s voice was soft, with a hint of a mocking roll in it. 

Her father was silent, and then Pearl heard his leather shoes stomp out.  Then the delicate clatter of dishes began, the sound of her mother cleaning up the kitchen.  Pearl exhaled for the first time in minutes. 

And then she promptly ran.  

                                                                                                                                           -:-

When Lapis was walking into the school, mentally preparing herself for another day of high school, she certainly was not expecting to be suddenly rammed into from behind. 

The impact wasn’t that heavy, and she didn’t get knocked off her feet, only stumbling slightly before she righted herself. 

“Oh, dear, I’m just so clumsy-“

Lapis turned, to see Pearl rubbing her forehead slightly.  “Pearl?” 

Pearl blinked.  “Sorry.” she said in a tiny voice.   Lapis shook her head, a bit mystified. “It’s fine-what’s the matter?” 

Pearl didn’t meet her eyes, staring at the pavement and clutching her books to her chest.  There was something vulnerable and fragile about her posture, and it made Lapis want to hug her very tightly.  But she didn’t think that would be the very best idea. 

She glanced down at her watch.  “It’s twenty till.  Let’s go sit somewhere, and then we can talk about it?” 

Pearl nodded slowly.  “All right.” 

They found a metal bench over to the side of the school.  It was in its own little area, surrounded by trees on almost all sides.  Both of them sat down, and Lapis eyed Pearl expectantly. 

Pearl clutched at her books even tighter. 

The morning was foggy and damp, and there was an unexpected chill in the air.  Lapis was grateful that she had worn her jacket.  Apparently Pearl hadn’t had that forethought, since she was sweater less. 

Her arms looked thin and white.  Lapis caught a slight shiver pass through her body. 

Instantly Lapis frowned. 

“Pearl, you’re too cold.”

The girl looked up, blinking with wide eyes.  “What-I’m fine. Don’t worry.”  Her voice was fragile. 

Lapis rolled her eyes and slipped off her jacket.  She held it out to Pearl.  When Pearl saw it she frowned.  “Lapis…that’s not…you don’t have to do that.”

Lapis eyed her skeptically.  “Babe.  You’re over there shivering half to death.  Put the jacket on.” 

Hesitantly Pearl did.  The black leather stood out vividly against Pearl’s white skin.  Other than being slightly short on the sleeves, it fit Pearl perfectly.  Lapis couldn’t help but stare at her. 

She loved the way Pearl looked in her jacket, and the way that the black leather clashed with her neat pink dress.  Pearl noticed the look on her face. 

“What?” 

Lapis almost answered, but then stopped herself, letting a smirk curl at her lips. 

“…nothing.  Just…you look so adorable in my jacket.”

As she had hoped,  Pearl instantly flushed bright red at her words.  “I-ah…”

Lapis leaned over, lips inches away from Pearl’s. “You know the best thing though?”  She could feel her breath bouncing off Pearl’s cheek.  She could feel Pearl’s breath hitch. 

“What?” 

Lapis smirked, letting her hands snake around Pearl’s neck.  Suddenly, her hands grabbed onto the hood attached to the back of the jacket, and yanked it over Pearl’s head.  Then she pulled Pearl against her lips in a breathless kiss. 

She heard the tiny gasp that Pearl made in the back of her throat, every single time Lapis tried to make out with her.  She had no idea what that tiny little gasp did to Lapis; it made her want to push Pearl over and take her, right then and there. 

But that was insanity talking. 

So she settled with letting her hands grab onto the hood of her jacket, effectively concealing Pearl from anyone who might see, and kissing her absolutely senseless. When Lapis finally pulled back, Pearl had a very dazed expression on her face. 

Lapis thought it was absolutely adorable.  She couldn’t resist giving another quick little peck to Pearl’s lips before finally letting go of the hood. 

Carefully she tucked it back around Pearl’s shoulders. Pearl watched her with eyes so innocent and trusting that Lapis half thought she had to be looking at someone else.  But no, they were all alone, and Pearl’s pretty blue eyes were fixed on her and only her. 

Lapis swallowed, and tried to remember how to breath.

“So,” she said, trying to sound perky, “we still needed to talk.”

Pearl looked away.  “Yes…I suppose.”  She exhaled.  “It’s nothing dramatic.  Just that I can’t come over today.  My mother wants to take me shopping.” 

Lapis smiled faintly.  “Oh, okay. That’s fine.  I’m sure that you’ll get a bunch of cute outfits that I can stare at you in.” Pearl blushed, but she shook her head.  “No, it’s not that; we’re getting clothes for your mother’s party.” 

Lapis stared at her, a bit surprised.  “But Pearl- You probably don’t need to do that-“ 

Pearl laughed softly.  “Yes Lapis, I do.  If I want to perform my part in life as man bait well.”  Lapis looked at her, mouth falling open.  “But Pearl-“ 

“My mother thinks that this party is a wonderful opportunity for me to find myself a rich boyfriend, who then I might get to marry me.”  She sighed softly, and Lapis hated the way her face looked so fallen. 

She cupped Pearl’s cheeks in her hands, and her eyes darted back to Lapis.  “I didn’t mean for it to be like that. You know that you don’t have to come if you don’t want to. Really.” 

Pearl forced a smile.  “That’s really sweet Lapis.  But it’s just- the thing is…you’re not making me feel bad! My mother is.  And I-I know she doesn’t mean to, she’s just trying to look after me, like she’s always done. But she wants me to get a nice boy and I don’t think she knows that I can’t! Or that I suppose I won’t.  Oh…I don’t know. I just love her so much and I don’t want to let her down.  But I love you too, and I want to be with you as well.  Oh heavens, did that make any sense at all?” 

Lapis blinked.  “Um….I think I got most of that.  I think.” 

Pearl sighed heavily, her shoulder sagging slightly.  “I’m sorry.  It’s unfair to dump all that on you.  I just know…right now I’m living in an eternal wait.  Just waiting till my mother finds out.  Because Lapis, she will.  There’s no way that I can keep a secret like this.  Frankly it’s a miracle it's stayed a secret for this long.”

Her voice was defeated.  Lapis frowned.  “Pearl.  Listen to me.” 

The older girl looked up. 

“Now.  We’re going to go do school.  You’re amazing at that.  Then you’ll go home, and go out shopping with your mother.  And you can trill around and she’ll never even become suspicious.  And you’ll find a pretty dress to wear at this stupid party, and then you’ll wear it to my house and you’ll get the most compliments of anyone there.  I’ll kiss you when nobody’s looking, and you’ll turn bright pink like you always do, and the entire thing will be great.”  she finished confidently. 

Pearl laughed slightly.  “It’ll all happen just like that, huh.”

Lapis nodded. “Yep.  Exactly like that. Except that I’m going to kiss you again before we go suffer through the school day.” 

With that she gave Pearl a last gentle peck that made her giggle.  Lapis smiled at her. 

                                                                                                                                       -:-

“Now Pearl, we must make sure to find the appropriate dress.  It must be not too short, but not so long that you look frumpy.  And it absolutely must be the right color.  Something that looks good with your skin.  But doesn’t wash you out too much.  Perhaps a pattern….but patterns can get far too bold very quickly. I remember what my mother always said. Girls who wear bright patterns always talk too much.  Have you very found that to be true Pearl?” 

Pearl hummed softly.  “Ah….”

Her mother ignored her. 

“Oh! And it can’t be tacky, with all those awful ruffles and things.  That would never do.”  She clasped her hands, gazing out over the racks and racks of clothing in the women’s department.  Pearl glanced over at her mother. 

“Momma?” 

“Hm, what’s that dear?” 

“This is going to be really hard to find, isn’t it.” Her mother bit her lip.  “Ah…well. It will simply take longer than I had at first thought.” 

Pearl stared at all the clothes. 

Oh stars.  

Pearl shouldn’t’ve been surprised in the least.  But her mother was in a very _picky_ mood. 

 _That’s too short.  That’s too long. No, no, that color looks terrible with your eyes._  

By the tine they had gotten to the end of the stack of the dresses they had taken to the dressing room with them, Pearl was starting to feel lightheaded. 

She sighed, tugging a a purple polka dotted dress off and over her head.  That one she was immensely grateful that her mother didn’t like.  It made her feel like she was a clown in the circus.

Pearl took a deep breath and pulled the very last dress from the bottom of the stack.  Carefully she tugged it over her head, twisting the fabric around her torso till it was straight.  She fumbled for a moment with the zipper, till her fingers found it and pulled it up. 

At least this dress didn’t pinch into her sides like the dress five before this one.  

Pearl shut her eyes.  If this dress didn’t work, then she thought she would probably cry, from sheer frustration.  Pearl shut her eyes, and then slowly turned around to face the mirror. 

There was a moment where she was just frozen.

Still. 

And then she opened her eyes.  And she smiled.  

                                                                                                                                    -:-

Lapis was just putting the finishing touches onto her masterpiece of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich when she heard the phone ring out through the house.  She put down the knife, now smeared with jelly, and rang to get it. 

She picked it up, a little breathless. 

“Hey?”

“Hi.” Pearl said back in her soft little voice.  Lapis grinned and let herself lean against the wall.  “What’s up with you?” she asked. 

There was a little pause on the other end.  “Oh…I’m fine. I found a dress.”

Lapis smiled, forgetting that Pearl couldn’t see her.  “Knew you would.  I can’t wait to see it.”  Lapis said in a lower voice.  Pearl giggled. “Is everything flirting with you?”  

She couldn’t bite back her smirk.  “Oh, absolutely.” 

Pearl giggled again, in that way that made Lapis’s stomach feel all fluttery inside. “Seriously though…I can’t wait for you to come this Saturday.” Lapis said softly.

Pearl paused, and Lapis knew that she was thinking about how she was going to say something.  Finally she gave a little huff, and Lapis knew she was about to speak. 

“About that…this Saturday.  No one there is going to know that you and I are-you know...a couple, right?” There was a slight waver in her voice. 

Lapis inhaled, briefly trying to find a good way to answer.  Finally she sighed.  “I hadn't planned on saying anything about it. But what would you like? I don’t want to do anything that you don’t feel comfortable with.” 

Pearl sighed softly.  “I want to.” she said in a small voice. 

That was the end of the sentence, but Lapis knew that there was more. 

“Pearl.” she said quietly. 

The other girl huffed at the end of the phone.  “I don’t want to say no and you know that Lapis. I hate saying no over and over again.” 

Lapis exhaled, and gripped the phone a little tighter.  “I know baby.  I know.” 

They were both silent.  “You can be my date without anyone knowing.  That’s perfectly all right with me.” 

Pearl breathed a sigh of relief on the other end. “Thank you.” she said, and Lapis could hear her smile over the phone.  Lapis couldn’t help but grin. 

“But.” 

“Oh no.  What?” Pearl said, with pretend drama. 

“I still reserve the right to punch any snobby guy there who dares flirt with you in the face.” 

That made Pearl laugh. 

“All right then.  And the next time my mother begins harping on me for not having a boyfriend, then I can tell her that it’s not all my fault.  It’s also half my extremely overprotective girlfriend’s fault.” 

Lapis laughed at that.  “Yep.  All my fault.” 

They both giggled.  It faded into a gentle, comfortable silence. 

All of a sudden Lapis had an idea. 

“Pearl. Just bring someone.” 

“Um…excuse me?” 

Lapis shook her head.  “Bring someone to the party with you.  Another girl.  That will make everything look way less weird.  It’ll just seem like I invited some friends, rather than one special girl.”  

There was another period of a pause, and Lapis began to worry that she had said something wrong.  And then- 

“One special girl?”  Pearl’s voice was soft. 

Lapis felt herself blush against her will.  “Well…yeah.  You’re…special to me.” She forced out, feeling very embarrassed. 

“ _Awwwww_. Lapis.” Pearl said, giggling softly. 

Lapis groaned into the phone.  “I think you just like embarrassing me now.” 

“Oh, no.  I would never ever.” 

Lapis rolled her eyes.  “Yeah. Sure.” 

Pearl laughed again. Lapis thought that her laughter might be the best sound in the entire universe.  It was soft and light, tinkly in the way that sparkles might be if they were in a form of sound. 

All of a sudden Lapis found that she didn’t care that sometimes Pearl made her flustered.  She hoped Pearl would make her that flustered for the rest of her life.

 

“Lapis?”

 

Lapis blinked, Pearl’s questioning voice jolting her from her thoughts.  “Huh?” 

Pearl’s voice held laughter.  “I was just asking you if you were still there.” 

“Oh.  Uh…yeah.  Still here.” 

Pearl laughed again.  “Well.  I was just telling you that I have ballet practice tomorrow, and so I probably won’t get a chance to see you very much before Saturday.”  Lapis shrugged. 

“That’s fine.  I mean, I’d love to see you, but still.  It’s cool that you do so much ballet.  I wish I could see you perform sometime.” 

“Well, my class is putting on a performance at the end of the year. Or the end of the semester year. It’s the first weekend in June, I think.  We will have been working on it for almost eight months by then.”

There was a hint of pride in Pearl’s voice, and it made Lapis smile. 

“I really want to come.  Make sure to tell me more about it once it gets closer, okay?” 

“I will.” Pearl said firmly.  She sighed.  “I really do have to go now though.  My mother’s going to be home from the grocery store at any minute now.” 

Lapis grinned.  “You must immediately get on the phone as soon as she leaves.” 

“Oh certainly!  I have to keep in touch with all of my inappropriate friends somehow!” 

“Oh? There are others besides me? Pearl, I didn't realize you were such a player.” 

Pearl laughed.  “No.  You’re so silly.  But really, I must go.” 

Lapis sighed, but there was a smile on her face.  “Oh, all right.  But I’ll miss you.” 

“Me too.” 

There was a pause.  And then-

“I love you.” 

“I love you too. See you soon?” 

“Of course.” 

And with that Pearl hung up.  Lapis was still clutching at the phone.  But for once, she actually wasn’t sad.  There was a happiness in her body that felt as if it were swelling up to overflowing heights. 

Lapis smiled, and got up to go eat her very likely now soggy sandwich.

                                                                                                                                           -:-

Amethyst’s face was flatly unamused. 

“But Amethyst, I’d really-“ 

“Nope.  No how, no way.” 

Pearl pouted slightly at her friend.  “But _Amethyst_.” 

Amethyst arched an eyebrow, glancing up from picking at her fingernail polish. “Why do you even want me to go to this party thing your girlfriend’s throwing?”  

Pearl frowned at her.  “I already told you Amethyst, Lapis is not throwing a party, her mother is.  And if you’d been listening at all, you would’ve known that!” 

Amethyst tilted her head back, groaning loudly.  Pearl rolled her eyes.  “You are so dramatic.”  she huffed.  Amethyst stared at her.   “I’m dramatic?!”

Pearl sniffed.  “Yes.  Quite.” 

Amethyst rolled her eyes.  “Ugh.” 

She turned back to her locker, rummaging through the mountain of junk and trash within.  Pearl opened her mouth to comment, but then decided being critical wasn’t going to help persuade Amethyst to her side.  So she simply bit down on her lip and tried her very hardest to ignore the odor that was starting to drift from Amethyst’s locker. 

Then Amethyst turned around with the source of the smell in her hands.  It was something that Pearl supposed was, at one point in its life, a sandwich. 

Although it was now coated in such a vibrant green that it was rather difficult to tell. 

Pearl sucked in her breath, pursing her lips at the smirk Amethyst now wore. 

“Something on your mind?” 

Pearl tightly shook her head.  Amethyst laughed to herself, and went to dump the thing in the trash.  When she came back she was still laughing.  “Wow.  I totally forgot that was in there.” 

“Really.” Pearl said flatly.  

A smirk twisted at Amethyst’s lips.  “All right.  So, what’s the real reason you want me at this thing with you?”  Pearl stared at her.  “What thing?” 

“You know, Lapis’s party?” 

“Oh.”

Amethyst cackled.  “Now who’s not paying attention?”  Pearl rolled her eyes.  “Oh, ha ha.” 

She sighed, carefully wrapping her fingers around the strap of her book bag.  “So…Lapis asked me to go with her.  Be her…date.”

Amethyst nodded. “But you two aren’t really into doing stuff in front of people, right?” 

Pearl bit her lip out of habit. “Yes.  That’s right. But I’m going, and Lapis is going to have invited me.  But she-we thought that it would make everything appear more normal, more _friendly_ , if she were to invite more than one other girl.” 

Amethyst thought for a moment.  “I really hate to admit it, but that’s actually a pretty good idea.” 

Pearl nodded brightly.  “Yes.  Lapis has clever ideas like that.”  Amethyst rolled her eyes. “Oh, she does?” 

The short-haired girl huffed, and shoved at her shoulder.  “Very funny Amethyst.  But she does happen to be very smart.” 

The younger girl stuck out her tongue.  “Yes.  She’s just sooo pretty, and perfect and I wuv her so, so much!”  she said, clasping her hands together and raising her voice in an imitation of Pearl’s. 

Pearl flicked her forehead. 

“You are ridiculous.  And I do not talk like that!” 

Amethyst chuckled.  “Honey, you need ta stop and listen to yourself.  Cause ya do.”  The bell rang, and they both started to their class. 

It was 11:00, and they both had history together.  Pearl stiffened  as she walked down the hallways.  As if becoming more board-like would somehow make her stronger in the process. 

Amethyst glanced over at her.  “Pearl?”

 “Hm?” 

The younger girl smiled in a way that was rare for her.  “I’ll go.” 

Pearl glanced over at her, meeting Amethyst’s brown eyes that were soft.  And Pearl smiled, so very bright.

                                                                                                                                           -:- 

“Pleaseeeeeeee….” 

“Lapis, begging like this is just plain undignified.”

Lapis scowled into the phone.  “Do not tell me a thing about dignity, miss _I-once-wore-a-colander-to-school-on-my-head_.  All while screaming that aliens were going to steal my brain.” 

“That was in 6th grade Lapis!  If you had seen the radio waves that were…..”

Lapis tuned out, waiting for her to finish her rant. 

“….and frankly, I was correct assuming that our middle school's science department was severely lacking!”  She stopped, wheezing slightly into the phone. 

“You okay Per?”

She heard a dry cough from the other end.  “Yes, yes.  Just stupid….why did you call me again?”  Lapis exhaled through her nose. 

“I _wanted_ to ask if you would come to my mother’s party this Saturday.” 

“What for?”

“Be a buffer. I asked Pearl to come, and we kinda want to try to keep the attention away from us.” 

 

“…okay.” 

Lapis blinked.  “That’s it?  You’ll do it?”

 “Sure.”  She stared incredulously at the phone.  “That was…shockingly easy.”

Peridot made a small hm.  “Yes well.  My mother’s actually already forced me into going, so.  Rather more effort on her part, but.  You’re welcome to take the credit.” 

“ _Peridot_.” 

“What?” 

“Why didn’t you say that to start with!”

“Hmm…didn’t think of it.” 

Lapis groaned into her hand.   “Fine.”

“Oh, also.  Mother’s making Jasper come too.  So we’ll all be there.”   

Lapis forced a smile, even though she knew Peridot couldn’t see her. 

“How fun.” 

“I know.” 

They both sighed simultaneously.

                                                                                                                               -:- 

There was a light knock on Pearl’s door.  She glanced up from the mirror that stood on her dresser. 

“It’s open.”  she said softly.  The door cracked open and Pearl’s mother’s head poked into the room. 

“Oh Pearl! I didn’t mean to interrupt, I only wanted to see if you were getting ready yet.” her mother said brightly.  Pearl smiled softly. “Yeah.  Almost ready Mamma.” 

She set down her hairbrush on the table and turned to her mother.  Pearl stood in front of her, a bit nervous. 

“Do-do I look all right?” she asked.  Her mother gazed at her for a moment, making Pearl’s stomach tighten.  Finally she spoke. 

“You look lovely.” she said softly. 

Pearl glanced down at herself.  “Thank you.  I-wish that I felt more that way.  I sort of…don’t.” 

Her mother shook her head, as if to wave away her insecurities.  “You’ve just been getting ready for too long. Now, we’d better hurry, or you’ll be late.” 

Pearl nodded, and quickly grabbed her purse from the dresser.  She smiled at her mother. 

“All ready.” 

                                                                                                                     -:-

The car ride to Lapis’s house was a bit odd.  But it wasn’t as bad as Pearl had expected.

She just hadn’t expected to be this nervous.  This nervous about going to see _Lapis_ of all things. Pearl tried to tell herself that this was silly, that she just needed to relax; but it didn’t feel as if it were working all that well. 

Beside her, sitting in the the driver’s seat, her mother was also fidgeting a bit. 

Pearl glanced over at her. 

“Is everything all right Mother?”

Her mother nodded, but there was still something in her eyes.  Something that was wrong.  They drove on, and the houses continued to grow in size and opulence as they got closer and closer to Lapis’s house. 

When they finally came to a stop in front of the huge house, Pearl realized that her stomach was clenched tighter than it ever had been.  She looked over at her mother, assuming that she would be more excited than ever. 

But she was biting back a frown, and her hands were clenching the driver’s wheel so tightly that her knuckles were turning white.  Pearl frowned. 

“Mamma…are you certain nothing is the matter?” 

Her mother was silent for so long Pearl began to think that she hadn’t heard her.  But then the older woman sighed softly. 

“It’s just….” she trailed off, eyes studying over Pearl’s face.  Pearl’s brows furrowed. 

“What?” 

Her mother shut her eyes and looked away.  “You’re just so… _young_.  So…delicate. And boys- they, well. Some will not be kind.  And you’re going in there, alone, and I just-“ she stopped, her voice wavering slightly. 

Pearl swallowed, a lump growing in her throat.  She tried to smile reassuringly at her mother. 

“Don’t worry Mamma. I promise that I’ll be careful.” 

Her mother nodded, but she was still frowning. 

“Pearl-I just- you need to understand that, boys they…will want you.  They will seem so, attractive and nice, but they might not be.  Sometimes they act that way just to get closer to you.  But you mustn't let them.  You mustn't kiss them.  Just-“ she stopped, exhaling. 

Her eyed turned back, away to the front of the car.  “I’m going to make you late.”

Pearl shook her head.  “Lapis won’t mind.” 

They both sat there for a minute, silent.  The sound of music drifted faintly into the car.  Pearl sighed. 

“Mamma?” 

“…yes, sweetheart?” 

Pearl turned to look at her mother.  “I promise that I’ll be careful.  And that I won’t kiss any boys.”  Her mouth twisted into a wry smile. 

Her mother took a deep breath, and then exhaled, laughing quietly.  “You don’t have to promise that.  I know that you will.  If not tonight, then another one. It’s alright.” 

She looked up, to see her daughter staring at her firmly. 

“I won’t kiss any boys.” Pearl said again, with a firm resolve in her voice. 

 

There was something in her eyes.  As if the words that she were saying meant something else entirely.  It was as if, for just a moment in time, all of the air had left the car. 

 

And then she cleared her throat, and everything restarted. 

 

“You’d better run along.  Lapis will be looking for you.” 

Pearl nodded quickly.  “I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

Her mother nodded hesitantly.  “And you’re certain that Lapis is okay with you spending the night?” 

Pearl smiled a little strangely. 

“Yeah. It’ll be fun after all of this.  Like a…sleepover.” 

She nodded, almost to herself.  “Go on dear.”

Pearl nodded, glancing back at her a final time, smiling in that bright way of hers, and then she opened the car door.  Then she was walking off. 

 

And no matter what she did, Pearl’s mother couldn’t get rid of the feeling that she was missing something terribly important.

                                                                                                                               -:- 

“Ow!” 

 

“Oh, what is it now?!” Peridot asked, irritated. 

Lapis scowled at her.  “ _I just stubbed my toe_ _Peridot_.  I hate these shoes.”  she said bitterly, scowling down at the offending pair of black stilettos that she was currently perched upon. 

Peridot’s smirk was wicked.  “I’m glad that my mother doesn’t mind my being short.”  she said, referring to the ballet flats on her feet. 

Lapis scowled at her.  “Ha. ha.” 

She stomped over to the mirror on her dresser, quickly putting on her red lipstick, rubbing her lips together to smear it a little.  All in all, no matter how much she despised fancy clothes, Lapis had to admit that she looked very pretty. 

Luckily her mother hadn’t sent someone to make Lapis up this time, which was good, because Lapis would’ve likely punched whoever she tried to send. 

She _had_ sent Lapis a new dress, and it was one that Lapis actually sort of liked.  It was a dark black, with a low cut neckline and a tucked in waist that flared out into an A-line skirt. 

She had curled her hair, leaving it loose to now flutter against her cheeks. Lapis smiled vaguely, before turning to Peridot. 

“What do you think?”

Peridot glanced over her.  “You look fine.” 

Lapis frowned. 

“Fine, as in fine, or fine as in, just _fine_.”

Peridot stared at her. 

“You look fine.”

Lapis huffed.  “I don’t know why I ask your opinion about anything.” 

Peridot opened her mouth to retort, when there was a soft knock on Lapis’s door.  Without thinking, Lapis said, “It’s open.”

It cracked open carefully, and she poked her head into the room.  Lapis stared, mouth falling open a little bit. 

It was Pearl, but it was the most gorgeous, done up version of Pearl that Lapis could possibly imagine. 

Her dress was a shimmering white, made of nothing but white, shining lace.  It matched her pale skin perfectly, making her almost seem to glow in the dim room. 

Her short strawberry blonde hair was brushed till it gleamed, slight bangs falling across her forehead in a sideways swoop. She had worn only the faintest bit of makeup, just a pinkish bit of lipgloss and thinly lined eyes. 

Her blue eyes, the color of the sky at noon, stared at Lapis, and her cheeks flushed a pretty shade of pink under her gaze. 

Lapis suddenly realized that she needed to breath. 

“Hi Lapis.” Pearl said softly. 

Lapis blinked.

“Hi Pearl.” she mumbled back. 

Suddenly someone elbowed her. 

“Oh, come on Lazuli.  Pick your jaw up from the floor.  This is ridiculous.”  Peridot snapped. 

Lapis ignored her, going over to Pearl in slow, careful steps.  Suddenly they were only inches apart, and Pearl smile was everything that she knew of. 

Lapis’s hands moved to rest ever so lightly on her girlfriend’s hips. Pearl bit back a giggle. 

“I take it you like the dress.” 

“I love it.” Lapis mumbled, letting her head fall against Pearl’s. 

“You’d better.  It’s more expensive than my soul.” 

Lapis laughed softly.  “That bad, huh.” 

She could feel Pearl’s breath ghosting against her cheek.  “I’m going to be buried in this dress.”  Pearl said wryly.

Behind them, Lapis could hear Peridot grumbling.  “I’m going downstairs.  You can come whenever you two are done.” 

Lapis nodded vaguely.  “Ah. sure.” 

The door closed behind her.  Lapis grinned. 

“She’s gone.” 

Pearl arched an eyebrow.  “What does that have to do with anything?” 

Lapis smirked.  Suddenly she was yanking Pearl into a kiss.  She wrapped her arms around Pearl’s neck, pulling her closer. 

A soft moan escaped Pearl’s mouth, and it made Lapis’s stomach feel as though it were boiling.  She kissed Pearl a little harder. 

The other girl responded well, moaning quietly and kissing her a little harder. 

Lapis felt her stomach tighten inside her chest.  Her hands clutched a bit harder at Pearl’s hips.  In some corner in the back of her mind, Lapis was vaguely aware of her pushing Pearl over towards her bed. 

Lapis thought she might be loosing her mind. Pearl’s long thin fingers were running through her hair, tugging on it when Lapis’s kisses got harder.  Pearl gasped as Lapis pushed her back onto the sheets.  “La-“ She kissed her again, and Pearl stopped. 

Pearl was now on her back, Lapis over her, kissing desperately.  Her hands traced at Pearl’s thighs, running upwards, when suddenly-

“Lapis.” 

She stopped, Pearl’s hands on her shoulders.  Lapis stared at the other girl.  Pearl stared at her, with her short hair rumpled, and her blue eyes glowing in the room.  There was lipstick smeared around her lips. 

Lapis stared at her, and suddenly she wanted to cry. 

Pearl shook her head.  “We can’t do this right now.  The people downstairs, remember?” 

Lapis nodded instantly.  “Yes, of course. That was stupid of me, I-“ she stopped, desperately wanting to look away from Pearl, but being entirely unable to. 

“I’m sorry Pearl.” she whispered softly. 

Pearl smiled.  “There’s no need for that. But I will need to brush my hair before going downstairs.” 

She giggled faintly, as she gave Lapis a gentle little peck on the corner of her lips.  Then she stood up, plopping off the bed with an easy grace, and went into Lapis’s bathroom. 

Lapis stared after her.  Something in her mouth tasted acidic.  She glanced down at her hands, and was shocked to see them trembling.  

                                                                                                                             -:-

Pearl glanced over at Lapis.  The other girl was almost silent. 

Vaguely Pearl wondered if everything was all right.

Slowly she took Lapis’s hand in her own, making the blue girl look over at her with surprise.  “Pearl…people. They’ll see.”  she said, glancing around at all the fancy people milling around her backyard. 

Pearl smiled a bit sadly, knowing that she was right.  She just wanted to do something that might make Lapis a little happier. 

But her girlfriend was right.  Holding hands was too much. 

Regretfully she gave Lapis’s hand one last little squeeze before letting it fall away.  Lapis exhaled slowly through her nose, making a little huffing sound.

She raised a glass of something to her lips, taking a sip and looking around the party at anyone but Pearl. 

Pearl sighed, and decided that she might as well do the same.  The party was rather….boring, if she were to be honest.  Most of the people were older, and rich and snobby-looking. 

There _were_ a few younger men there, but most of them had a girl with them.  Well, at least she had a good excuse for her mother when she asked. 

There were waiters, or perhaps, _caterers_ wandering about with trays of food. 

Pearl had already almost run into one. 

Pearl glanced back over at Lapis.  Her girlfriend still wasn’t looking at her. 

Pearl frowned. 

“Lapis.” she hissed.  Lapis glanced over.  “What?” 

Pearl stared at her.  “You’re upset about something.” 

Lapis shook her head.  “No, I’m not-“ 

She stopped when Pearl looked at her reproachfully. 

“Lapis.  You’re not looking at me.” Pearl said softly. 

Lapis looked at her for the first time then.  Her purple eyes were wide, and they traced over Pearl’s features. 

“It’s…about earlier.  I’m really sorry.  I didn’t mean to act that way.”  Her eyes twisted with painful emotion, and she looked away. 

Pearl stared at her.

“What are you talking about?” she asked, feeling utterly confused. Lapis glanced back up at her. 

“Before. Upstairs. I shouldn’t have…I’m so sorry.” she said again, as though it were some great crime. 

Pearl just kept staring at her. 

“Lapis…that wasn’t anything. That wasn’t a big deal…at all.” 

Lapis stared at her, eyes so, so wide.  “But I-“

 “Yo P!  Where you at?” 

Pearl instantly winced. 

“Oh.” 

Amethyst suddenly seemed to find her.  “Oh! There you guys are!” she started over to them.

Lapis’s hands clutched at her glass, and Pearl bit down hard on her tongue to keep from snapping at Amethyst. 

She realized that something she didn’t understand at all was upsetting Lapis.  And she had no idea what she needed to do about it.  But she forced a smile at Amethyst. 

“Hello, Amethyst.” 

The shorter girl grinned at her.  “Hey P.  I thought this was going to be boring, but I had no idea it would filled with such weirdos!” she said loudly. 

Several people turned to look at them, and Pearl desperately wanted to smack her. 

“Amethyst! People can hear you!” she hissed.  Amethyst shrugged.  “It’s true.  Did you see the dude out front?  He’s actually got a swan on a leash!”  

Lapis stared at Amethyst with a look of horror.  “A man with a swan?  Older, on the heavy side, with greying hair?” 

Amethyst arched an eyebrow.  “What, you two buddies or somethin?” 

Lapis shook her head, eyes already far away.  “No, no. He’s one of my mother’s biggest clients. Oh, this is just a disaster….he wasn’t supposed to be even coming tonight! I got to go find Peridot….” she muttered under her breath, suddenly whirling off. 

Pearl stared after her, a little desperately. 

“What’s the matter with you?” 

Pearl glanced over at Amethyst.  “This entire night is horrible.” Pearl murmured. Amethyst arched an eyebrow. 

“Why?” 

Pearl shrugged vaguely.  “There’s too many things to name.” 

Amethyst laughed.  “Yep.  That sounds ‘bout right.”

They were silent for a moment.  Above all the trees and shining lights, the sky was growing dark.  The stars were twinkling faintly. 

“Listen P.” 

Pearl glanced over. 

“One of the things that you need to get about bein’ a gay girl, is that, sometimes, Lapis is gonna turn all girly.  And have all the girly emotional stuff, and sometimes the best way to answer all that junk is to just be-you know.”

She made a weird gesture with her hands.  

Pearl gave her a look.  “No, I don’t know.” 

Amethyst shrugged.  “You know.  Just be really _firm_ about everything.  Just go and kiss her, and say I like you. Sometimes that will help the most.” 

Pearl stared at her.  And then something clicked. 

Slowly she nodded.  “I think I understand.”

She opened her mouth to say something else, but then stopped as Lapis came walking back, a grumbling Peridot in tow. 

“-just help me.  That’s why I wanted you to come in the first place!” Lapis was saying, Pearl only catching the last bit. They stopped in front of Amethyst and Pearl. 

“All right.  Now, I really need to go find Mr. Hessenfer before he gets offended that he hasn’t been properly greeted.  Peridot, stay here and watch everything.”  Lapis said quickly. 

Pearl smiled, trying to appear helpful.  “Is there anything that I can do?”

Lapis stared at her, and Pearl could see the wildness in her eyes.  She was past listening to anything. 

“Ah…no.  Just stay here.  Make sure Peridot doesn’t start…yelling at someone. Okay?”

Pearl nodded.  “Okay.  Got it.” 

With that, Lapis darted off.

Pearl resisted the urge to sigh.

Beside her, Amethyst was leering at Peridot curiously.  “Hey. Never seen you before.” 

Peridot did this strange little half smile-smirk and half frown, as she realized Amethyst was talking to her.  “Of course not.  My lifestyle is a busy one.” she answered. 

Amethyst grinned a little wider. 

“You have a ‘ _lifestyle’_?"

Peridot nodded.  “Of course.  Doesn’t everyone?” 

Amethyst rolled her eyes.  “Oh, _please_.  You’re the first I've _ever_ met.”  Amethyst’s words were sharp, but the way she said them wasn’t. 

Pearl sighed softly.  Oh stars. 

And then Peridot said something else, and then they both just sort of took off, effectively ditching Pearl. 

She stood there, feeling a bit out of place. 

A waiter came over and offered her some fancy shrimp cracker thingies from his silver plate, but she just smiled politely and shook her head. 

All around, it was growing dark, but paper lanterns had been placed all around the garden, just for that problem. They cast a beautiful glow over the whole place.  Pearl gave a faint sigh and sat down on one of the stone steps, her skirts pooffing out around her legs. 

She wasn’t sure how long she sat there. 

Suddenly Lapis came back, hair fluttering a tiny bit, and her expression frazzled.  But that wasn’t what Pearl noticed first.  Her mouth fell open a little when she realized that Lapis was carrying a big, fluffy white swan in her arms. 

Pearl’s mouth hung open as Lapis came over to where she sat and then sat down beside her with a huge huff, swan balanced in her lap. 

Pearl couldn’t help herself.  She stared. 

“Lapis-that’s a-“ 

The blue-haired girl sighed, brushing some loose hair out of her face.  “Yep.  It’s a swan. Believe me, I know.”

The swan turned its long thin neck towards Pearl. Its eyes were the lightest shade of blue.  Suddenly Pearl was struck at how beautiful a creature this was. 

“May I hold-it?”

Lapis glanced over at her.  “Her name is Sylvia.  And she’s a _brat_.  But you’re welcome to try.” 

Pearl smiled faintly, and carefully took the swan from her lap.  The animal made a pair of faint squalls, but then, with a few small shifts, settled into Pearl’s skirts. 

Pearl made a small hum in her throat, as she gently began to stroke at the bird’s white plumage. 

“What a nice, pretty bird you are.  Ever so nice.” she murmured softly.  She glanced over to see her girlfriend staring at her incredulously. Pearl felt herself blush under her gaze. 

“What?” 

Lapis shook her head, a gentle smile curving her lips.  “Nothing.  You’re just a real life princess.” she said, smirking a little. 

Pearl pouted. 

They sat there for a while, both quiet, just watching the party goers.   Pearl kept running her hand over the swan’s feathers, smoothing them over and over.  Vaguely she was aware of Lapis shifting closer to her, little bit by little bit. 

Finally she let her head fall onto Pearl’s shoulder.  Lapis’s hair was cool against Pearl’s skin.  Pearl went stiff for a moment, and then relaxed again. Pearl dared a glance down at Lapis after a minute or two. 

It made something in her body warm to see the peaceful expression on her face.  Pearl smiled softly to herself. 

In her lap she suspected that Sylvia the swan was snoring. 

“I love you so much.” Lapis whispered, her voice so low Pearl almost wondered if she had imagined it. 

Pearl stared down at her. 

Lapis’s eyes were focused on her shoes. 

She could see the other girl run her tongue over her lips, and swallow.  Like her throat was too dry to speak. 

Pearl knew the feeling. 

“I never want to hurt you.” she said, speaking again, voice a ghost.  Pearl tried to speak, but she couldn’t. 

“Jasper-she h-hurt me.  And that I might-hurt you like that-I just-“ she stopped. Her voice was shaking with emotion. 

Pearl’s fingers stilled.  It felt as though her mind was moving at a million miles an hour, yet at the same time, made of utter mush.  Lapis’s grip tightened on her arm. 

“I know you think I’m good. But you don’t know how I actually am…you don’t know how terrible I am.”

Pearl’s chest tightened at her words.  She hated them so much.  Her teeth pressed into her lower lip. 

Lapis glanced up at her.  Suddenly Pearl couldn’t bare it anymore. 

“Lapis. Listen to me.”  Slowly Lapis did. 

Pearl took a deep breath. 

“Lapis. I'm not mad.  I’m not even upset. I love you.  And I promise that if this swan was not in my lap then you would be in my arms, no matter who sees.”  she whispered fiercely. 

There was something in Lapis’s eyes, some emotion that Pearl couldn’t put a name to.  It was glowing.  And it poured out in her smile. 

Pearl wrapped an arm around her shoulders and pulled her closer against her.  She heard Lapis laugh softly. 

Everything was perfect.  And then- 

 

_HONK!_

 

And everything turned to chaos. 

Sylvia woke with a loud honk of fear and a huge flapping of her wings.  She flapped herself from Pearl's lap in a wave of feathers and screeching and panic. 

Pearl bolted to her feet, pulling Lapis along with her.  They immediately ran after the screaming swan. 

All around the party the swan was wreaking havoc, fluttering into one fancy person’s face after another.  One of the rich women screamed as her face was covered by the swan. Screaming and blind, waving her arms around widely, she had no way of seeing the table right beside her.  She crashed into it, knocking it and all its contents to the ground. The swan flew on with a squawk, leaving her crying in a pile of mess.  Lapis ran to help her up while Pearl rather desperately chased after the swan.

All around, the party was in chaos.  People were running around wildly, and into one another.  Pearl was vaguely aware of a short old man yelling after her, but she didn’t stop to listen. 

Quickening her pace, she chased the swan into the back corners of the huge garden, turning into the maze of hedges.  She turned a corner, certain that she had caught the creature. 

“That’s it, I’ve got you now, you-“ 

She froze, not finding the swan, but rather Amethyst and Peridot in a rather… _compromising_ position. 

As in, they were in the midst of fiercely making out. 

Pearl instantly turned a bright red.  “Oh-I- ah-“

They either didn’t hear her, or were choosing to ignore her. Pearl decided that she would do the same.

She briskly whirled away, trying to pretend she hadn’t seen that.  It turned out that the swan had turned at the other curve.  She found it, alone and terrified behind a bush. 

Pearl managed to coax it out with soft little coos, and held it gently in her arms.  “You got really scared, didn’t you baby.” she murmured, patting its feathers.

She picked it up, still rubbing it gently. Pearl sighed, and started back to the party, dreading what she would find. 

What she found was a disaster.

Only one table was left standing upright, and all of the guests were gone.  Except for the old man who had been calling out to Pearl earlier, and who was now yelling at Lapis. 

She was trying to calm him. 

“I’m certain we can find her sir, I- Pearl.” She breathed out with relief as her eyes landed on Pearl.  Pearl smiled at her. 

“I found Sylvia!” she announced happily. 

The old man immediately rushed over to her, and took the swan from her arms. 

“Oh, Sylvia, I was so worried about you…oh you sweet silly bird…” he murmured to it lovingly. 

Then, with the swan held close, he left. 

Pearl stared after him. 

“Hm.” 

Lapis smiled wryly.  “There's all kinds of love in the world.” 

Pearl glanced over and caught Lapis’s smirk. They both smiled. 

 

“Wow.  This was one wild rich people party.”

 

They both looked over to see Amethyst coming from the bushes, Peridot behind her.  Pearl rolled her eyes and was about to answer, but Lapis beat her to it. 

“We had a disaster.  What about you two? Where did you disappear to?” 

Amethyst shrugged, a strange look on her face.  Pearl decided that she didn’t feel like saying anything. 

They all stood there in the mess of a ruined party.  Amethyst scuffed at a broken plate with her toe. 

 

“You want some help?” 

                                                                                                                                      -:-

It was almost one in the morning before they finally got all of the mess cleaned up.  As soon as they hauled the last bag of garbage out to the street, Amethyst groaned, barely hiding her massive yawn. 

“Is that it?” 

Lapis nodded, brushing hair from her eyes.  “Yeah. That’s it.” 

They all sighed together. 

Peridot glanced down at her watch.  “Oh stars, it’s late.  My mother’s going to be so mad.” Peridot said. 

Lapis glanced over at her.  “Hey.  I thought you said your mother was coming tonight. I didn’t see her.”  Peridot shrugged.  “Yeah.  She came for, like, five minutes and then got a call and had to go. Business stuff I suppose.” she stared at the ground. 

There was something in her voice that Pearl could hear.  But she didn’t know what it was.  Lapis seemed to know, and didn’t press further.

"This was her party, but my mother didn't even bother to come at all, so." Lapis said with a careless shrug of her shoulders.

“Well, it’s super late, and you guys have already helped a lot. You should both get going.” she continued, smiling faintly at their friends.  

Amethyst nodded. 

“Hey Peri, I’ll walk you home.”

The small girl looked up from the ground, and there was a faint bit of happiness there. Quickly she nodded.

“All right.” 

She gave a quick hug to Lapis, and then a nod towards Pearl, which she returned.  Then she and Amethyst left together.  Their shoulders kept brushing each others, and Pearl couldn’t help but smile faintly. 

Behind her, Lapis tried to muffle her yawn with the back of her hand, but Pearl heard the sound anyway. Gently Pearl turned around to smile at her girlfriend. All she could do was stare. 

Lapis’s eyes were droopy, but the way her lashes fluttered as she tried to keep her eyes open was entrancing.  Her hair and dress were both rumpled disasters, and there was a little stain of something on her cheek that looked suspiciously like cheese. 

Pearl decided that she had never seen Lapis so beautiful.

Lapis yawned again, and noticed her eyes watching her. 

“What is it?” she asked, blushing a tiny bit.  Pearl just smiled.  “Nothing.  You’re just beautiful.”

That made her blush even darker. 

Around them darkness was creeping around the edges of the frame.  There were only a few paper lanterns left still lit. 

It made Lapis’s features hazy. 

Slowly Pearl took a step closer to her.  Lapis watched her, eyes full of all sorts of emotions.  Suddenly Pearl was right in front of her, inches away from Lapis’s face. 

Their breath ghosted against the other’s cheeks.  A smile that was made of magic and starlight danced on Lapis’s lips. 

“Hi.” she murmured softly.  Pearl swallowed.  “Hello there.” 

They were both silent, as if they were entranced by the other.  In many ways Pearl supposed they were. 

“L-Lapis.” 

Lapis’s smile was sweet. 

“Yes, Pearl?” 

She loved the way her name bounced from her lips. 

Pearl took a gasp of jerky breath, and then, all in a rush, couldn’t bare it any longer.  She kissed Lapis gently, sweetly, all the ways she was desperate to.  The way she had wanted to for the entire night. 

Lapis melts into her touch, wrapping her arms tightly around Pearl’s neck.  Her fingers weave through Pearl’s hair, settling into the curls at the nape of her neck.  Something about her doing that, it makes Pearl loose herself.

Loose her mind. 

She kisses Lapis harder. 

They kiss there, in Lapis’s backyard, at one thirty in the morning, surrounded by darkness that is so bright. 

It is so bright. 

Pearl pulls away from Lapis, and both of them are breathless. Pearl stares at Lapis’s smile, the one that is shining through the entire yard.  And she decides it is the brightest thing she has ever seen.

                                                                                                                                    -:-

Lapis sighed softly to herself, turning over, nuzzling closer to the girl who is holding her tight in her own bed.  Pearl’s pale chest rose and fell with slow, steady breaths. 

She was fast asleep. 

Even like that, her arms still clutch at Lapis’s torso in a tight hug. 

Lapis couldn’t help it-she smiled.  Then, with a careful shuffle of her body, moved closer into Pearl’s cuddly warmth. 

She pressed a kiss against Pearl’s thin collarbones, whispering a ghost _I love you_ with it. 

And then she shuts her eyes. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is kooky to me. Idk why, maybe I was just in a weird mood when I was writing it. I almost scratched it, but some of it was a little funny to me, and the whole thing was just....I kind of liked it. Also Amedot!!!  
> I actually really like amedot as a ship too, and I finally got to add it in<3 I'm pondering whether I should add it to the Amedot tag. Cause it's canon in this story, but the story's not really about them directly, so I'm not sure.  
> Also my last chapter got a bunch of really sweet comments and I just wanted to say thank youuuu, you people are ridiculously sweet<33


	21. You are in love

Lapis tapped her fingers against the pant leg of her jeans again without thinking about it. She took a glance down the school hallway.

Pearl still wasn’t there. Lapis gave a slightly amused huff.

It wasn’t like Pearl to be less than ten minutes early to something, and certainly not school. Something must have happened.

 Lapis wasn’t too worried though. She had spoken to Pearl just the previous night and she had been perfectly all right then. Lapis laughed to herself. Now that she was late, Lapis knew Pearl was going to rush in, all in a panic, simply because she was only ten minutes early for school, rather than the twenty-five minutes she preferred.

Lapis smiled softly.

She loved Pearl so much.

And, just as Lapis knew she would, Pearl came rushing into the building, books just barely still in her arms and her pale cheeks flushed a rosy pink, almost like a china doll. She rushed to her locker, opening it with a slam and dumping her things into it.

Lapis watched her, trying her very hardest not to laugh.

Pearl was breathing heavily. Carefully she closed her locker, and took a deep, shaky breath. She still didn’t seem to have noticed Lapis standing there. Lapis grinned.

“I think you might need to panic a tiny bit more.”

Pearl whirled around, her mouth falling into a surprised little o when her eyes landed onto Lapis.

“Lapis! I didn’t-how long have you been standing there?” she asked, cheeks flushing even harder. Lapis couldn’t help but to grin even wider. “Not long.”

Pearl stared at her for a minute more, blue eyes still very wide, but finally she sighed and let go.

“I overslept again.” she murmured, head drooping a little. Lapis studied her face. Yes, she could see it. The grey circles under Pearl’s eyes were a little bit deeper, and the redness in the whites of them were more vibrant than normal.

Lapis frowned slightly. “What’s gotten you so tired?”

Pearl shrugged weakly. “Ballet rehearsals. Last night’s ran till 10:30.” She muffled a yawn with the back of her hand. Lapis frowned a bit more. “That sucks.”

She shrugged again, this one being even weaker, if that were possible. “It’s well…it’s fine. Not a big deal.” Pearl said. It would’ve been convincing, had Pearl not broken into a yawn at the end of her sentence.

Lapis rolled her eyes. “You _do_ know what you’re doing, right?” she said quietly, leaning a bit closer to her girlfriend. Pearl’s blue eyes glanced over at her.

“What-Lapis, what do you mean?” she asked, genuinely having no clue what Lapis was talking about. Lapis couldn’t help the smile that tugged at the corners of her lips. Gently she took one of Pearl’s delicate pale hands in her own.

“You’re doing it again.” she murmured softly. Pearl looked mystified. “Lapis I-“

Lapis squeezed her hand. “Pearl. You’re running yourself too hard.”

Pearl instantly frowned, as Lapis knew she would. “Now, Lapis, that’s just silly. I am staying perfectly within my limits, thank you very much.”

Lapis arched an eyebrow. “Really? Because that sounds nothing like the Pearl that I know. She likes to work herself till she is about to drop dead from exhaustion and stress.” Now it was Pearl’s turn to roll her eyes.

“Oh, Lapis. Please.”

Pearl’s eyes darted to the floor. Lapis bit her lip. Around them students were beginning to fill the hallway.

They couldn’t stay like this.

Lapis swallowed. “Just…remember to take the time to be nice to yourself. Because you deserve it. More than anyone else in the world, okay?”

She waited for Pearl’s eyes to rise from the floor and back to her eyes. Finally they did, and Lapis saw that they were wide, and a bit watery. Pearl smiled at her. It made Lapis so happy to see that it was one of Pearl’s real smiles.

Softly she squeezed her hand.

The first bell rang, a warning that their classes would be starting shortly. Lapis sighed, but there was a smile on her lips.

“Hey, I’ll walk you to your first class.”

Pearl stared at her, a little bit surprised, but then she smiled. “All right.”

Lapis gave her hand a last little squeeze, before letting go. They started off down the hallway together.

                                                                                                                                                -:-

  
Pearl felt annoyed by everything.

She knew that it was likely not that everything surrounding her was annoying, but that she was simply being annoyed by everything. She sat through her all morning classes, and tried to keep her frown at a minimum, and probably failed miserably at it.

She tried her best to keep her hands writing notes and to think as little as possible. Thankfully the lunch bell finally rang, and Pearl found herself rushing out of the classrooms as fast as everyone else.

In the cafeteria she took herself and her neatly packed lunch and went to sit in one of the back corners. She carefully unfolded her napkin and placed her sandwich on top of it. Pearl stared at it. Her stomach made a weird noise of disapproval.

Pearl decided that she would wait a little while before she started eating. Instead, she took out her science textbook and began to read.

“Not hungry?”

Pearl glanced up. Lapis slid down onto the seat across from Pearl, a curious smile on her face. Pearl smiled faintly.

“I just- wanted to do some reading. Can’t let myself get behind on my study schedule. Exams start next week.”

Lapis rolled her eyes. “Please don’t remind me.” she said with a groan. Pearl realized she was likely being 'a bummer", as Amethyst would put it.

“Well, at least we only have exam week, and once that’s over it’ll be summer break.” Pearl added, trying a bit harder.

Lapis seemed to brighten a little. “This’ll be a great summer.” she said softly, dark blue eyes focused on Pearl’s. Pearl found herself blushing.

“It will.”

The conversation faded slightly, as Lapis began eating, and Pearl went back to studying.

“Pearl?”

Pearl glanced up, finding Lapis to be staring at her.

“You’re sure you’re all right?” Lapis asked her.

Pearl found herself smiling. “Yes Lapis. I’m fine. Now, maybe you should start spending your time worrying about studying for exams, and stop worrying about me.”

Lapis shook her head, but her expression wasn’t mad. “All right, fine. Just…make sure to eat.”

The last part was mumbled. Lapis was staring very hard at the plastic table top.

Pearl bit her lip. “I-I will.” she answered quietly.

Pearl tried her very hardest to ignore the untouched sandwich beside her.

They were both quiet.

Lapis opened her mouth, as if to say something, but then there was a very loud-

“Hi Pearl!”

Pearl shut her eyes. “Hello Susie.” she mumbled.

Susie flounced over to their table, long brown curls bouncing around her shoulders. “Pearl, I’ve been looking all over for you!”

Pearl forced a smile. “I’m right here.”

Susie shook her head. “In the weirdest back corner of the entire lunch room! She plopped down beside Pearl, utterly ignoring Lapis. The blue haired girl seemed to be eyeing Susie with something that looked suspiciously like amusement.

“You know that you’re welcome to sit with us any time sweetie! You certainly don’t have to banish yourself to the corner.”

Pearl had to bite down hard on her lip. It wasn’t that she preferred to sit in the corner or anything. Oh _no_ , certainly not.

Susie plowed on.

“Anyway, I know that it said to rsvp, but I thought that, since we’re, like best friends, I would just tell you in person.”

Pearl stared at her. “What?”

Susie looked at her as if she were crazy. “Your birthday, silly! The invitation your mother gave me said to rsvp, but I thought it would be obvious that I wouldn't miss it!”

Pearl smiled weakly. “Oh. Right.”

Susie seemed a little confused by Pearl’s lack of excitement, but it didn’t faze her for long. “Anyway, I just wanted to pop by and let you know! Oh, there’s Johnny. I’ll see you later, ‘kay sweetie?”

And with that Susie popped right back up and, with a last little wave, darted off to where her boyfriend was sitting with the other football players.

Pearl sighed. When she looked back at Lapis, her girlfriend was trying her very hardest not to grin.

“I like her.”

Pearl shook her head. “Oh, no. Ugh.”

Lapis laughed quietly. “She’s very happy.”

“She acts as though she’s eaten nothing but sugar for her entire life.” Pearl answered, a little sourly. That made Lapis laugh.

Her girlfriend leaned a little bit across the table. “You didn’t mention that your birthday was soon.”

Pearl glanced away. “Did I not?”

Lapis shook her head. There was a small smile on her expression. “You didn’t.”

“I just-“

The bell rang, piercing and loud, through Pearl’s words. Lapis sighed. “Back to the grind. But let’s talk about this later, okay?”

Pearl nodded weakly. “Of course.”

She bit back a sigh and started back to class.

                                                                                                                                 -:-

  
Lapis held the door for Pearl as they left the school. Outside it was warm, the sun shining brightly.

“My house?”

Pearl nodded. “Yes. Please.”

They started in that direction. Lapis noticed Pearl was walking a bit lower than her normal high speeds, but that could have simply been from the weight of all her books. “You want some help?”

Pearl instantly shook her head. “Oh no, no. I’ve got it.”

Lapis resisted the urge to sigh. “So. When’s your birthday?” she asked, changing the subject.

“Pretty soon.” Pearl said vaguely.

Lapis gave her a look.

“June twenty fourth.”

“Aw. So you’re a summer baby. That must be why you’re pretty like a summer rose.”

Pearl blushed at that.

Lapis grinned.

They had reached Lapis’s neighborhood, away from the more main roads, and Lapis took Pearl’s free hand, gently lacing her fingers together. Her hands were like ice.

“Your hands are freezing.” Lapis said.

Pearl suddenly let out a breathless laugh. “They-they don’t feel that cold to me.” she admitted.

Lapis shook her head. “Well they are.”

She rubbed Pearl’s knuckles with her thumb. Lapis gave her hand a tiny squeeze before letting it go so she could open the door. They went inside, Lapis first, with Pearl trailing behind her.

Lapis stole a glance over at Pearl, but her girlfriend was stubbornly refusing to look at her. Lapis decided that she was going to do something about it. So she went over to the sofa, knowing Pearl would follow, sat down, and patted the cushion beside her. Hesitantly Pearl set her books down on the coffee table and sat down behind Lapis.

Her blue eyes were focused firmly on her books, fiddling with her sweater, anything but Lapis.

“Pearl.” Lapis said, softly but firmly. The older girl looked over. “Yes?”

Lapis held out her arms. “Come here.”

There was a moment where Pearl was completely still, unmoving. And then she fell into Lapis’s arms with a tired sigh, burying her face into her chest. Lapis bit back a smile, and let her arms wrap tightly around Pearl.

Gently she ran her fingers over Pearl’s short hair, smoothing it tenderly. Pearl made a quiet sound of approval, so Lapis took it to mean that she liked the attention.

They sat there on the sofa like that for a while; Lapis gently petting Pearl’s hair, while her girlfriend flopped against her chest like all the life had gone out of her.  Lapis’s fingers stilled their rhythmic movements and she pressed a kiss against the top of Pearl’s head, before gently coaxing her from her chest.

Pearl blinked a couple of times. Her pale eyes looked rather red and tired. Lapis’s hand wandered to cup her cheek, causing Pearl to finally look up at her.

“Hey. Is something the matter? Have-have I done something to upset you?” Lapis asked, because that possibility had been on her mind.

Pearl’s eyes widened, and she instantly shook her head. “Oh-oh no. You’re wonderful.” She tried to force a smile, but Lapis could easily tell that her heart wasn’t in it.

“So what’s the matter?”

Pearl hung her head.

“It’s your birthday, isn’t it.”

Pearl’s shoulders jumped a little bit, but she nodded. “…yeah.”

Her shoulders sagged. Lapis wanted to hug her again, but she decided that the thing a caring girlfriend should do was probably try to talk about why Pearl was so unhappy.

“Why do you hate it so much? It should be fun, not something you dread.”

Pearl laughed nervously. “Yeah. It’s just another stupid, weird thing about me, I guess.”

Lapis frowned. “That’s not true.”

They were silent, and Lapis waited for Pearl to continue. Finally Pearl gave a weak shrug of her shoulders.

“It’s just- My mother always wants me to have these-birthday parties. Every year, she invites all these girls over, her friends' daughters, or girls from church, or something. Girls that I barely know. And I just…I _hate_ it Lapis. They’re so…” she trailed off.

Lapis smiled wryly. “Let me guess. All those nice, sweet church girls have shark teeth.”

Pearl nodded, eyes widening even more. “Yes! It’s just like that! They’re so- so, well, mean, I suppose.” Pearl exhaled shakily. “And, of course, it’s only gotten worse as everyone gets older. Every year they get meaner and meaner. Especially since they can see how much of a failure I’m turning out to be.”

Now Lapis’s eyes widened. “What are you talking about? Who in the world could call you a failure?”

Pearl stared at her for a minute, before she snorted.

“Lapis. Most of these girls either are engaged, or have boyfriends that just haven’t asked yet. I’ve never kissed, danced with, or even flirted with any boy, much less had a boyfriend. And everyone knows it.”

She took a quiet breath.

“It doesn’t matter how much my mother tries to force me in with the popular girls. Because I’m never going to be able to be there. Be that. I’m too much of a freak.” She hung her head, almost as if in shame.

Lapis felt so helpless. She hated feeling helpless.

Carefully she squeezed Pearl’s hand, because that was all she could think of to do. “Is there anything that I can do?” she asked softly.

Pearl shook her head quickly. “No. And don’t think for an instant that this is your problem. It’s just…a little yearly blip that I hate. That’s all.” She forced a smile. Lapis tried to as well, but she had a feeling that it was just disastrous.

“So, should I bring anything?”

Pearl blinked. “To where?”

Lapis shrugged. “You know, this party. Should I bring anything?” she asked, trying to be cheery.

Pearl instantly frowned the moment the words were out of her mouth. “No. Nothing. I don’t want you to come.”

Pearl’s words stung a bit, and Lapis’s face must have fallen rather fast, because Pearl immediately retracted. “Oh, no, that’s not how I meant that to sound- I just-“

Lapis shook her head. “No, no, I get it.”

They were both silent. And then Pearl tugged her hands free and took Lapis’s face in them. Her eyes were big and wide and pouring into Lapis like daylight.

Her expression was wild and calm, both simultaneously. Lapis felt her breath bouncing back against her cheek.

“Pearl I-“ she began, when suddenly she was silenced.

Pearl’s lips were soft and firm, kissing her with a calm, gentle passion that made Lapis feel positively weak. For a good moment or two she just sat there, not even able to properly kiss back in return.

But Pearl’s lips were insistent.

Lapis finally managed to wake from her daze and properly kiss her back. They kissed for another wonderful moment, and then Pearl pulled back, eyes opening to stare into Lapis’s.

“Listen to me. This, it has nothing to do with you. I am not embarrassed by you. And I don’t think that you’ll give us away the moment we get in front of these..girls.” she paused, taking a breath.

Her thin hands had a slight tremble in them.

“Those girls are just…toxic. I don’t want to be near them. And I don’t want them anywhere near you. Anywhere close enough that they could even think of hurting you in any way.”

There was a note of protectiveness in her tone, and it made Lapis’s stomach clench in the best way.

She smiled wryly. “You think I can’t hold my own against some bitchy girls?”

Pearl’s eyes watered. “I don’t want you to have to. I-I- just…I don’t want you to come, okay? I don’t want them to say a bunch of hurtful stuff to you, about you, just-“ she stopped, and quickly looked away.

It wasn’t fast enough for Lapis not to notice the tears that escaped her eyes and ran down her pale cheeks. They left shiny pink trails behind on her cheeks.

Gently Lapis wiped them away with her thumb.

Pearl sniffled quietly. Lapis vaguely understood how she felt.

This was supposed to be hers, it was _her_ birthday. Yet no one had stopped to ask her what _she_ might want, Lapis included.

Lapis suddenly felt really bad.

Pearl was still trembling, and her pale blue eyes focused on Lapis’s when she looked at her. Lapis smiled softly. Then, carefully she wrapped her arms around Pearl and held her close.

Pearl melted into her, and Lapis could feel how shaky and unsteady her breathing was. Lapis hugged her closer, and made a point to ignore the wetness seeping through her shirt.

After a little while Pearl managed to pull herself from Lapis’s chest, but her fingers were still clutched in the fabric of her shirt. Lapis shifted slightly on the sofa, laying back against the pillows and putting her feet, shoes and all onto the sofa.

She tugged Pearl back with her, and the older girl did so with a soft sigh. Pearl rested her head against Lapis’s chest, and Lapis wrapped an arm around her shoulders.

“Pearl?”

“Hm?”

Lapis smiled down at her girlfriend. “What do you want?”

Pearl bit her lip.

“-do you mean for life, or for my birthday?”

Lapis laughed. “I meant birthday, but life too, I guess.” Pearl’s pale cheeks flushed. “Well…”

She was quiet for a minute or two, and Lapis thought it was adorable how hard she was thinking about this.

“I want…freedom.” Pearl said finally.

“Maybe money, since that gives a lot of freedom. Also, stability. I want to feel safe.”

Lapis frowned. “You don’t feel safe now?”

Pearl glanced up. “At this very moment, yes, I do.” she whispered, snuggling closer to Lapis. “But the rest of the time…I don’t really.”

There was a pause, and then she continued. “I want security. Like, I know what’s going to happen. Or at least…something. I’m not sure.” Her fingers wandered as she talked, tracing along Lapis’s side, over her arms.

“Chocolate.”

Lapis blinked. That hadn’t been what she was expecting as far as life goals went. “What?”

Pearl grinned slightly, making it clear that she knew Lapis hadn’t been listening.

“For my birthday. I want chocolate. Nothing fancy, just that good cheap brand they sell in drug stores. Ooh. And maybe some nail polish. I’ve been wishing I had some new ones for a little while now.”

Lapis giggled at Pearl’s happy expression.

“Anything you’d like. All that stuff is super easy. You sure you don’t want something nicer though? All your gifts don’t have to come from the drug store.”

Pearl’s eyes widened. “What’s wrong with that?”

Lapis laughed again. “Nothing, Princess.”

Pearl smiled happily and settled back against Lapis’s chest, tucking her head into the curve of Lapis’s neck. Lapis’s fingers played with the short little curls at the nape of Pearl’s neck. They were a bit longer than they had been.

Pearl’s hair was a little longer than it had been overall, Lapis realized. Vaguely in the back of her mind she remembered Pearl’s hair used to be long. She hadn’t known Pearl then though.

Her fingers ran over Pearl’s hair gently. Pearl made a small hmm.

“That feels really nice.”

Lapis smiled at her. “You’re like a little kitten.”

Pearl giggled and swatted at Lapis’s hand. “That’s ridiculous.” Lapis grinned, and she kept playing with Pearl’s hair. “Baby, your hair’s longer. Just a little.”

Pearl shifted, and Lapis could feel her breath against her neck. “Yeah.”

“Hmm. You letting it grow?”

Pearl shook her head slightly. “I don’t want to. It just grows out pretty quickly and I have to trim it. It's just…every time I cut my hair back short again, it upsets my mother.”

Lapis grunted. “ _Everything_ upsets your mother.”

Pearl laughed wryly at that. “Yes, that’s true.”

They were quiet for a moment.

“Your hair used to be long, didn’t it?”

Pearl nodded. “Yeah. I cut it about a year or so ago. Mother was so, so mad. I don’t think I’ve ever heard her yell so much.”

Lapis frowned. “Why did she care?”

Pearl’s fingers stilled at her waist. “Um…well... She said that it made me look like a boy, and that there was no chance that anyone would want to marry a girl that looked like a boy.”

Lapis stared at her, and then snorted.

“No offense to your mother, but every single thing in that sentence is wrong. Because if you were hoping to turn boys off, then you failed miserably. I spend the entire school day giving all the boys who are ogling you the evil eye.”

Pearl flushed bright pink. “That’s not-thats not how it is. They’re not even looking at me.”

Lapis rolled her eyes. “Pearl, you’re gorgeous. All the boys are always staring at you. Freshmen to seniors, and most of the teachers too.”

Pearl hid her face in Lapis’s chest.

“That’s not….that’s so creepy.” Pearl mumbled into her chest. Lapis rubbed her back. “I’m just saying, your mother’s wrong about that. And also.”

Pearl pulled her still flushed cheeks from Lapis’s chest to stare at her.

“What?” Her eyes were wide.

Lapis smirked. “You _so_ do not look like a boy.”

Pearl blushed crimson. “Ahh…”

Lapis laughed softly, before leaning forward and kissing her. They kissed with a gentle rhythm, with Pearl’s fingers wrapping around her shoulders tightly. Lapis pulled back from her lips to pepper kisses along her jaw, and then in a trail down her neck.

Pearl’s voice got steadily breathier. She tilted her head slightly to give her more room.

“Oh…oh that feels nice. Lapis…”

Lapis smiled against her neck. When she reached the collar of Pearl’s sweater she briskly undid it, and with little bit of Pearl’s help slipped it off her shoulders and tossed it to the side. She then went back to kissing Pearl again, hands twisting around her waist.

During their kissing they had both done a fair amount of wiggling, and their positions had turned into Pearl lying almost squished into the sofa with Lapis basically on top of her. She was always careful not to stratal Pearl’s waist when they were making out, since the one time they had tried it, it had given Pearl quite a bad stomach ache.

Pearl moaned softly into Lapis’s kisses, and it made Lapis feel like her skin was on fire. She couldn’t help but kiss Pearl harder. Their bodies wove together, intertwined.

A perfect fit.

When Lapis pulled away from Pearl’s lips, it took the older girl a moment to catch her breath and open her eyes. Lapis waited patiently for her to catch up. When Pearl opened her eyes they were sparkling.

“That.”

Lapis blinked, confused. “What?”

Pearl shut her eyes, opened them again, and grinned.

“That. That’s what I want for my birthday. I want you to kiss me like that.” Lapis now was the one who flushed red. But she couldn’t help but tease Pearl.

“Really? Are you sure you wouldn’t rather have chocolate?”

Pearl gave her a shove. “You’re absolutely ridiculous!”

But she was giggling while she said it. Lapis beamed.

“Yep. But I’m _your_ ridiculous.”

She kissed the tip of Pearl’s nose and then they were both giggling.

                                                                                                                                      -:-

         
After Pearl left, Lapis was left alone in her house, and alone with her thoughts. Something that Pearl had said was turning over and over in her mind.

It was crazy. Insane.

But Lapis couldn’t make herself let go of the idea.

                                                                                                                                      -:-

   
Pearl frowned, as she stared down at one of the college planners Peridot had given her. It was difficult to understand, and it was starting to give Pearl a headache.

It didn’t help that the words were frustratingly blurry. Pearl sighed.

She set her pencil down. Outside her bedroom window she could see that it was a pleasant day. The sun was shining, and bird chirps filled her room.

Pearl groaned. She still felt sad.

They had made it through exam week, and Pearl felt like she hadn’t done too poorly. Ballet practice had also been cancelled that week since her teacher was traveling out of town for some conference or another.

Pearl bit her lip.

She also hadn’t gotten to spend anytime with Lapis in almost two weeks. In that time she had only seen her in English and spoken on the phone with her once.

Pearl knew it was very silly of her, but not seeing her girlfriend for so long made her sad.

Tiredly she propped her chin up with her hands.  She missed her so much.

She missed Lapis’s kisses, her laugh, her smile, her presence. The way she always held Pearl close, and kissed her forehead. The way Lapis made her feel as if she were the person she loved most in the world.

Pearl groaned again.

She wanted Lapis, and right now.

Suddenly there was a light knock on her bedroom door. Her mother.

Quickly, Pearl shoved the college form into her desk drawer. The door cracked open a moment later, with her mother poking herself through. She was smiling brightly.

“Hello dear. Are you excited for tonight?”

Pearl smiled weakly.

“Yeah. Really excited Mother.” she answered, trying to sound cheery for her mother’s sake. Her mother beamed.

She bit her lip, and then took a seat on the edge of Pearl’s bed, carefully smoothing her skirts down around herself.

“I’m so glad. I can’t believe my little girl is seventeen now! It feels as if yesterday we were celebrating your fifth birthday. Time…it flies.” She sighed, and Pearl wasn’t sure what she was supposed to say. So she simply stayed silent.

Her mother cleared her throat. “Well, I suppose…I’d better check on everything. Make certain everything is perfect for tonight. The girls will probably start arriving around 6:30 ish, so make sure you’re ready by then.”

Pearl nodded. “Of course Mother.”

They were both silent, and the room suddenly felt painfully awkward.

Her mother cleared her throat again. “Well, I’d better…go do those things.”

And then she darted out as briskly as she had entered. Pearl groaned, and let her forehead fall against the table top of her desk.

                                                                                                                                            -:-

  
“Pearl, you seem a little out of it, are you okay?”

Pearl blinked, forcefully snapping herself out of the daze she had put herself in. She quickly smiled at the girl who had asked her that.

“Of course. Sorry.” she said softly.

The girl nodded, and turned back to the giggling conversation that was going on inside Pearl’s bedroom. Her room had more than ten girls in it, and all of them she barely knew. They all had on their nightclothes and were talking and giggling and painting nails and generally seeming to have fun.

Pearl had squished herself into one of the back corners of her room, as far away as she could possibly get. She tried to stay as silent as she could, but that one girl’s question, the one from the girl with long pretty blonde hair that fell in natural waves down her back, suddenly made Pearl the centre of attention in the room once more.

Pearl found herself the focus of everyone’s stares. Her cheeks warmed under everyone's gaze.

Susie shook her head. “Aw, I think we’ve been leaving Pearl out of things. Girls, we need to make her feel more included! It’s her birthday after all.”

Pearl quickly shook her head. “Oh, no. I’m having fun.”

It didn’t sound convincing, even to her.

Susie shook her head, making her dark curls bounce. “We have to make Pearl feel included. Emily was just telling me the best story. Emily, tell it to Pearl.”

The girl named Emily pursed her lips into something that was probably meant to be a smile and began to sourly tell Pearl a story about this pair of shoes that she found, and thought about buying but didn’t, but then she wished she had and she went back the next day to get, only to find they were sold out.

Luckily they had had an extra pair in the back and they were _exactly_ Emily’s size.

She said all of this in the most serious tone possible. Pearl wasn’t sure if she should laugh or fall asleep.

So she just nodded in the right places and tried to paste a caring expression on her face.

“That’s very, um, fortunate.” she said once Emily had finished. Another girl elbowed Emily out of the way.

“Sooo interesting. Anyway. Have any of you heard about Jenny? They say she’s with Brad now. And just a month ago she was going out with Tom too!”

All the girls tittered at that. Pearl tried to remember if she even knew a Jenny. Maybe it was a girl in her history class?

“Well, I don’t trust Jenny. She seems sneaky.” One girl announced.

Susie nodded. “She goes through guys like no other girl. She’s rather…” she trailed off.

Pearl knew what she was implying. Jenny had had a lot of boyfriends, and that meant she was doing…questionable things with them. Specifically, sex. And that made her a slut.

One of the reasons she wasn’t in the room with them.

Pearl shifted uncomfortably. If they thought so poorly of Jenny, simply for having too much of the right thing, Pearl didn’t want to know what they would say to her…relationship with Lapis.

Her hands clenched, and she could feel the points of her nails digging into the soft flesh of the palms of her hands.

Susie was still talking.

“I think Jenny’s too much. It’s important to have a good, secure relationship with a boy. After all, every girl needs a man in her life. I know I would be so lost without my Johnny. He’s just my rock. I feel so sorry for any girl without a steady boyfriend.”

Her eyes flitted to Pearl, and she wished she could just melt into the floor. There was a chorus of _yeses_ and _oh definitely_  from all the girls.

Pearl stayed silent.

And then, the words that she knew were coming, yet they were still so sharp-

 

“Pearl, you haven’t ever had a boyfriend, have you?”

 

Pearl swallowed. “N-no. I haven’t.” she said quietly.

“Pearl’s just waiting for the right one.” Susie said confidently, and Pearl wanted to hug her.

Most of the girls turned up their noses.

“What will you do after high school if you don't have someone to marry?”

“My older sister says that any unmarried woman at the age of twenty five is an old maid.”

Pearl wanted to shut her eyes, but she didn’t.

“You know, if you would just grow out your hair that would fix all of your problems.”

“Short hair makes girls look like boys.”

“My boyfriend likes my hair long, he told me so.”

“Well, you know, girls need to know their place. It’s just not right otherwise.”

Pearl felt her stomach clench in a funny way. She bit her lip. The girls were still tittering away, not paying her any attention. Quietly Pearl got up and went quickly to her bathroom.

She locked the door behind herself. Pearl took a deep breath.

And then bent over and threw up.

                                                                                                                                     -:-

   
After a while the girls figured out what was going on, and after knocking on the door several times (which Pearl refused to open for them) they went and got her mother. Pearl opened the door just enough for her mother to slip through and then sank back down onto the tile floor of the bathroom.

Her mother’s expression was concerned.

“…you threw up?”

Pearl nodded shakily. Her mother sighed. Carefully she bent over, crouching in the floor with Pearl.

“All the girls are wondering what’s happened.” she said softly.

Pearl shrugged. “Tell them whatever.”

“Do you think you can go back?”

Pearl shook her head. “No Mamma. I don’t want to.”

Her mother's eyes studied over her face for a moment. There was something like sympathy in them. She nodded once.

“All right.”

Then she stood up and left the bathroom, shutting the door behind herself. Pearl pulled her knees up against her chest and hugged them tightly. Tears leaked down her cheeks, and she quickly wiped them away.

But then more came.

                                                                                                                                        -:-

  
About twenty minutes later her mother came back and told her that the girls had left. Then Pearl let herself be led to bed, and she slipped into the covers while her mother went to make her some tea.

She sighed. Her bed was soft and warm, and her body was remarkably exhausted.

Pearl sniffed. Her bedroom had an odor now. Like perfume and stress. Pearl frowned. None of it would’ve been as bad if they hadn’t come into her room.

Came in and stank it all up.

She made a sour face just as her mother came back. Her mother arched an eyebrow.

“What’s that for?”

“My room stinks now.” she said, pouting a little. Her mother frowned, and took a sniff.

“Hm.”

She set down Pearl’s tea on the nightstand beside her and went into Pearl’s bathroom. She returned a moment later with a candle and air spray in each hand. After spraying the room generously, she lit the candle and also set that on Pearl’s nightstand.

Pearl couldn’t help but smile. “Thank you Momma.”

Her mother shook her head absently. “Of course. Those girls, they come with odor, don’t they.”

Pearl laughed quietly. “I suppose.”

Outside Pearl’s window the wind blew, knocking a tree branch against the window pain. Pearl bit her lip. Her hands clutched at her blanket as she tried to say what she wanted to say.

“I’m so sorry Momma.” she whispered finally. Her mother glanced over, and her eyes were wide with surprise.

“Pearl, you have nothing to apologize for.”

Pearl shook her head, and tears swelled up in her eyes, despite her efforts to blink them away.

“I-I know that I’m not who you want me to be. I can’t be like one of those girls and I can’t get them to like me, and I can’t not throw up in front of all of them and I can’t get a boyfriend and I don’t really want one and-“ she stopped, realizing she was sobbing so hard her words were probably incoherent.

Her mother sighed softly and then pulled her into a hug, holding her close. Pearl continued to sob, knowing she was going to stain her mother’s nice blouse with her tears. But her mother held her tightly and didn’t seem to mind.

One of her hands smoothed Pearl’s hair gently, and she murmured things softly to Pearl, most she couldn’t hear.

Finally Pearl took a breath and managed to control her sobs, dimming them to small sniffles. She wiped at her eyes with the back of her hand, probably smearing makeup all over her face.

Pearl couldn’t bare to raise her head and meet her mother’s gaze. But her mother’s hand still rested lightly on her shoulder and it made it clear she wasn’t leaving.

Finally Pearl looked up, and her mother’s blue eyes were piercing into her.

“Pearl.”

Pearl nodded slowly.

“I…I didn’t invite those girls over as examples of how I wish you would behave. I just thought it might be fun for you. But I see now…that wasn’t how it ended up. I’m the one who needs to apologize, not you.”

She sighed slowly.

“Girls like that…they see someone who is smart and kind and lovely, things that they wish they were, and they hate her for it. And you are all of those things. They're cruel because you are all of the things that they can only hope of being.”

Her eyes softened, and Pearl felt as if she could cry all over again. She didn’t though, she just sat there, perfectly still. Her mother smiled softly.

“I am so proud of you Pearl. Don’t think I’m not.”

Pearl’s eyes filled with tears, and she quickly nodded. “Yes Mama.”

Her mother gave her shoulder a little pat, and then she stood. “You should try to get some sleep now. Is there anything else I can get for you?”

Pearl shook her head. “No, thank you.”

Her mother nodded. “All right.”

She kissed Pearl’s forehead, stood, and went to Pearl’s door. Then she flicked the lights off and gently shut the door.

Pearl smiled for the first time that day. She shut her eyes, and almost instantly fell asleep.

                                                                                                                                            -:-

  
Lapis decided that she had now completely lost her mind.

But she had already made up her mind and she refused to change it now.

Lapis gazed up at Pearl’s house, most of the windows dark. She mostly just hoped it was dark enough that no one would see her and call the police.

Lapis bit her lip.

Why did her girlfriend’s room have to be on the second floor?

Because it just _did,_ apparently.

Lapis straightened her shoulders and began to climb the tree that lightly nudged the window that Lapis really, really hoped was connected to her girlfriend’s bedroom. If it wasn’t then this would end in something likely to be worse than a total disaster.

Lapis grunted quietly and hauled herself up a little higher. Turns out climbing trees up to someone’s window was far harder than it really needed to be. Lapis managed it though, and with only a minimal amount of cuts on her hands and face.

There was a tiny little window sill to Pearl’s window, about three inches wide, which Lapis realized she would have to jump across to. If she didn’t reach it, it was likely she would fall and break her neck.

She took a deep breath and jumped.

Her feet landed on the edge, but only just barely, and Lapis didn’t exhale. Slowly she tried the window, and, to her immense relief, found that it wasn’t locked.

Trying to be as quiet as she could, Lapis slid open the window and slipped inside.

The room was luckily Pearl’s and not her parents. Inside it was dark, the only light glinting from the lamp post outside. Lapis glanced around the room. In Pearl’s bed a thin figure was fast asleep, her breath soft and steady.

Carefully Lapis crept closer, trying not to wake her in the process. Shadows curved around Pearl’s features. Her hair was ruffled a little bit, and she shifted a little in her sleep. Lapis couldn’t help the smile that tugged at her lips.

Pearl shifted again, and, almost as if she could feel Lapis’s loud emotions, her eyes fluttered open. It took her a minute, but her eyes widened when she realized Lapis was staring down at her.

Her face twisted from surprised to happy almost instantly, and Lapis exhaled. She had been afraid Pearl would scream or something.

Her girlfriend didn’t though, and delicately sat up, rubbing tiredly at her eyes.

“L-Lapis. What-are you doing here? It’s -it’s the middle of the night.” Pearl murmured sleepily, her words slurring together slightly.

Lapis smiled faintly. “Did you think I’d miss my girlfriend’s entire birthday?”

Pearl shrugged vaguely, still seeming rather out of it. “I’d sort of forgotten about it.”

Lapis laughed at her confused expression. Gently she sat down on the edge of Pearl’s bed, setting a small paper bag down beside her. Pearl’s eyes landed on it.

“Is-is that for me?”

Lapis nodded. “Course.”

She bit back a smile at Pearl’s excitement, which she was trying, and failing to hide. Lapis handed it to her. Pearl took it, her hands trembling slightly.

Carefully she pulled the tissue paper from the bag and peered down inside.

“Oh Lapis.”

Lapis was glad to see her beaming as she pulled the chocolate and several bottles of nail polish from the bag. “Oh all of these colors are so pretty, I love the violet one…and four chocolate bars. Lapis, it’s going to take me a year to eat all that.”

Lapis smiled at her fondly, and leaned over so she could press a kiss against Pearl’s forehead.

“Anything for you.”

That made Pearl’s cheeks flush a faint pink. Pearl was just about to set the gift bag aside when she noticed something in the bottom of the bag.

Lapis’s hands clenched against her will.

With a small, confused glance up at Lapis, Pearl pulled a small little box out from the very bottom of the bag. “You got me something else? Lapis you didn’t-“ she stopped.

Her eyes were frozen on the thing inside the box she had just opened.

The room was silent.

Lapis felt as if she were going to suffocate. Finally Pearl looked up at Lapis, her eyes watery.

“Lapis…” she whispered.

All of a sudden Lapis found her voice again, and the words seemed to fall out of her mouth hole. “It’s not-I didn't mean it like that. I didn’t - but it could mean that if you wanted, I-“ she stopped, groaning into her hands.

“Pearl.”

Carefully she took one of Pearl’s slender hands in her own.

“I know that I-we can’t ever…do that. And that all promises I can make to you don’t really mean anything. But I-I still want to try. I didn’t mean that we would have to now, or-or ever really. It’s whatever you’d like.”

She exhaled shakily, very aware how much her grip on Pearl’s hand was growing. And how sweaty her own hands were.

“I just wanted to say it. That I…I love you. And I want to stay with you, and be with you, and protect you a-and love you, as long a-as that’s something you want. But if it’s not I understand. I’ll leave anytime you want me too. I'll do anything for you, I-“ she stopped, realizing her words were spiraling into themselves.

Pearl’s hand had come to cover her mouth, and her eyes were wide and glass like.

Lapis swallowed. This was wrong. She had screwed up. This entire thing was a disaster.

Against her will, tears swelling up in her own eyes. She shut them tightly and hung her head, so she didn’t have to face Pearl.

“Lapis.” Pearl whispered again.

Slowly Lapis raised her head. Pearl’s eyes were still wide, and a few tears had escaped down her cheeks. But her smile was as wide as Lapis had ever seen.

Lapis stared at her. “Pearl…I-“

Pearl didn’t let her finish. She kissed Lapis with both hands pressing softly into her cheeks, holding her close. Lapis let out a sob and kissed her back, arms twisting around her shoulders.

There were sticky wet tears everywhere between them, and Pearl’s hands were like ice against Lapis’s skin, but she wouldn't have changed that moment for anything in the world. They kissed each other with a reckless passion.

Pearl’s hands ran through her hair, and Lapis bit down against her lips, making her moan. Lapis’s hands were trembling madly.

Finally they separated, only far enough to look at the other. Pearl’s hands brushed through her hair, as if to be a hopeless attempt at smoothing it down.

“Yes.” Pearl whispered. Lapis could feel the breath of the words bounce against her lips.

“It’s not to tie you down, or to me. It’s just a promise that I wanted to make to you. That when- when bad stuff, or hard stuff happens, I’m going to be here. That I won’t leave.”

Pearl smiled, poking her slender nose against Lapis’s. “I already know that, silly.”

Lapis fumbled at the box. “Can I?”

Pearl nodded instantly. She blinked.

“Wait!”

She slipped out of bed and darted to her dresser, opening one the drawers and digging through its contents. She found what she was looking for after a moment and came running back. Pearl plopped down beside Lapis, now a bit breathless.

Lapis smiled at her. Her hands were shaking when she picked up the box. She took Pearl’s hand.

“I love you. And- I-I promise, that I will love you and try to protect you, and be with you, as long as you want me to.”

Pearl’s eyes were shining with tears. Carefully Lapis slipped the ring onto her hand. Pearl squeezed her hand before Lapis let it go.

“Lapis. I love you. More than anything. I promise I will love you and try to protect you and be with you, as long as you want me to.”

Her cool, pale hands found Lapis’s, and, eyes focused on Lapis's the entire time, slid the ring she had pulled from her dresser a few moments before onto Lapis’s finger. They were both silent. Then their eyes met.

And then they began giggling, trying to be quiet because Pearl’s parents were only a floor away and would surely hear and catch them. But nobody came, and so they fell into each other’s arms, weaving their bodies together in a perfect fit.

They cuddled on Pearl’s bed, nuzzling against the other.

“What are we going to call this?” Pearl asked finally, in a soft voice. Lapis glanced over at her. “What do you want to call it?”

Pearl thought for a moment. “It can’t be marriage. That’s a legal thing. Anyway, we’re not even old enough.”

Lapis smiled to herself. “You know how boys make those pack things? Where they make a letter and sign it in blood and become blood brothers?”

Pearl looked at her reproachfully. “You don’t mean like Tom Sawyer, do you?”

Lapis giggled. “Sort of, I guess. But that wasn’t my point. We could do that. Be…blood sisters.”

Pearl frowned. “First. I am not signing a letter with my blood. And secondly, I do not want you to be my sister. I’m already gay, I can’t be incestual _too_."

That made Lapis laugh.

“Okay, fine. What about…blood lovers?”

Pearl arched an eyebrow. “What is it with you and blood tonight?” Lapis shrugged. “Blood makes things cool.”

Pearl rolled her eyes. “You’re absolutely ridiculous.”

They laid there for another minute.

 

“What if we were just plain lovers?” Pearl met Lapis’s eyes hesitantly.

Lapis smiled vaguely.

 

Lovers. _Lovers. Lovers._

“I love it." she answered honestly. Pearl smiled happily at a solved problem, and Lapis wrapped an arm around her.

Around her lover.

She smiled. Outside the wind gusted hard once more, making the tree branches tremble.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ooooh.
> 
> Anyway. I'm done with school!!!! I've been writing like crazy, and I've got a bunch of new stuff planned! I'm going to (finally) update silence between us and ame sour sometime in the next week, and I'm dabbling in starting a new pearlapis fic! We will seeee ; ) 
> 
> As always, please comment, it gives me so much motivation, you have no idea. The fact that anyone is still here, reading this crazy thing is honestly a little bit mind blowing. It's great tho! The crazy corner of pearlapis! 
> 
> Also those new episodes aghhhhh, they were just- ugh. I loved them so much, but I'm literally still in shock and it's been a week! 
> 
> Hopefully see you very soon;D


	22. Midsummer Nights

Lapis hummed to herself under her breath as she made her way over to Pearl’s house.

The sun was shining brightly and the sky was clear, making it a very pleasant summer morning. Finals had passed by a few weeks before, letting the days slip into a relaxing June haze.

Lapis hadn’t gotten the best grades, there had certainly been a fair number of C’s and even one D on her report card, but she had passed, and she was happy enough with it. Now Pearl, she was a different story.

They had both decided to open their report cards together, and Pearl had taken one look at hers before bursting into tears. Tearfully she had handed it to Lapis, who had stared at it for a moment before she had begun to laugh.

The card was covered with A’s and A +'s, the only loner was a B-, in art, of all things. Lapis had handed it back, shaking her head.

Lapis smiled to herself at the memory of it all. Art had actually been the only class _she_ had gotten an A in. Lapis brushed her bangs away from her eyes.

Pearl had called her last night, with her voice high and chirpy, a sign she was very excited. She had invited Lapis over to see something in the morning. What exactly it was, she wouldn’t say. But she sounded so happy that Lapis said yes without a moment’s hesitation.

Besides, it wasn’t as if she had anything else to do. Even if she did though, she would probably choose Pearl anyway.

Lapis turned around the corner that led to Pearl’s street. Finally she came to Pearl’s house. It was just as pristine and perfect as Lapis remembered. She went to the front door and rang the bell.

A pause, then clip, clip, clip. Pearl’s mother opened the door, a pursed expression on her lips. Lapis smiled, although it probably wasn’t all that sincere a smile. Pearl’s mother looked rather weary, Lapis decided.

“Hi. Is Pearl-“

“Pearl is in the backyard. You may go around.” Pearl’s mother interrupted, pointing a thin finger at the side of the house. Lapis barely had a chance to nod before Pearl’s mother shut the door in her face.

She arched an eyebrow, but started around the house to the backyard. She opened the gate and went inside.

Lapis realized the she had never been inside Pearl’s backyard before. It was a rather ordinary yard, pretty, but also boring. The perfectly green grass was cut neatly, flowers were arranged in small beds along the edges, and the white picket fence that framed the entire thing practically sparkled with cleanliness.

There was a small shed in the very back of the yard, and the door was hanging open slightly. Since Pearl was nowhere to be seen, Lapis decided that must be where she was.

She went over to it and poked her head inside. Inside the small shed she found Pearl sitting cross legged on the floor, flipping quickly through the pages of a book. But what caught her attention the most was the large bicycle propped up in front of Pearl.

It was a big, worn out thing, with the paint peeling and the pedals rusted. Before she could look at it anymore Pearl turned around, her eyes wide. “Oh! Lapis, I didn’t hear you come in.” She stood, brushing off her knees slightly.

She gestured at the bike. “Did you see it?”

Lapis bit her lip. “Ah. I, um, I saw it.”

Pearl nodded excitedly, not noticing the lack of excitement in Lapis’s tone. "I went to this yard sale yesterday, and they had this for sale there, for only two dollars! Isn’t that amazing?”

Lapis looked at her. “You paid money for that- thing?”

Pearl’s face fell slightly. “It’s not that bad. Is it?” Suddenly she looked a bit less sure of herself.

Lapis wished that she could go back and kick herself. “Oh, no. It’s not bad.”

Pearl brightened ever so slightly at her words. “Oh, good. I’m glad you think so too. Besides, it’s only a little worn out. After a little bit of work, it should be much better. I got a book from the library yesterday too-“

“Wow, you were all around town yesterday.” Lapis said, smirking slightly as she down beside Pearl. Pearl blushed and shoved at Lapis’s shoulder.

“Anyway. As I was saying before you interrupted me, was that I got a book about bicycle repair yesterday, and it has all sorts of helpful tips about these kinds of things. It has a recipe for this cleaner that will remove rust, and it tells how to replace all the different pieces and where you can go to get replacement parts and…”

As she was talking, Pearl was also flipping through the pages of the book, showing Lapis what she was talking about. It might have been interesting, had Lapis known the first thing about repairing a bicycle. But she did not, and Lapis felt her eyes glazing over slightly.

“-isn’t that so interesting?”

Lapis blinked, to find Pearl’s blue eyes fixed on her. She nodded quickly. “Um, yeah. Really interesting.”

Pearl grinned in that slightly goofy way of hers and Lapis felt herself blush. Pearl’s shoulder was pressing into her own, and Lapis was suddenly reminded of Pearl’s lacking abilities in personal space.

Not that she minded.

Pearl had turned back to her bicycle, pale eyes studying it carefully.

Slowly Lapis leaned over. It had been her idea to kiss Pearl, but it seemed though Pearl hadn’t picked up on her mood. The older girl wiggled away, just as Lapis was getting closer. She settled on the ground closer to the bicycle, so that she could begin rotating one of the rusty petals around, all while studying it carefully.

Lapis sighed softly, but she couldn’t help the fond smile that pulled at her lips.

She took a breath, and then scooted over across the slightly dirty floor to where her girlfriend was still flipping the pedal around, over and over. Lapis lightly nudged her shoulder with her own.

“Hey.”

Pearl glanced at her, almost as if she was realizing that Lapis was still there. “Oh. Sorry.” Her cheeks flushed slightly. Lapis shook her head. “It's fine.”

Pearl bit her lip, glancing at Lapis, then away, the back again. Lapis had to bite down hard on her lip to keep her smile from breaking through.

She was just so cute.

Lapis smiled vaguely. “So, what do we do first?” Pearl’s eyes widened.

“What-“

Lapis made a shrug at the bike. It took Pearl a moment, but once she got it, her face broke into a wide, beaming smile. “You mean, you actually want to help me?”

Lapis nodded. That made Pearl smile even brighter, if that were possible.

“Okay, well first we need to make this rust remover formula, I think I have everything already but…”

Lapis smiled, listening to her prattle on, perfectly happy for once.

                                                                                                                                           -:-

  
Pearl set down the rag that she had used to clean her hands with beside her. The bit of fabric was now filthy, but it didn’t matter. As long as her mother didn’t see her come inside with obvious grim all over her hands, it didn’t matter.

Beside her Lapis sat back on her behind with a grunt, and, when their eyes met, grinned brightly. Pearl returned it, a fully satisfied feeling rushing through her. They both took a moment to look over their work.

The bicycle was now rust-free and the peeling paint had been mostly scraped away, leaving a ready to paint surface.

Pearl caught Lapis’s eye again. “Thank you for helping me. I-I know that this probably wasn’t...your thing.”

Lapis grinned and bumped her shoulder playfully. “Nah. Scrubbing a old beater bike is one of my favorite things to do.”

Pearl rolled her eyes. “It’s not.”

“Yes it is.” Lapis insisted. Her dark eyes were twinkling. In the back of her mind Pearl realized they were moving closer and closer to one another. Soon Lapis was only a breath away.

Pearl’s air felt lodged in her throat. Lapis’s lips curved into that mischievous smirk, the smile that Pearl associated with about-to-be-kissed. Lapis moved gently, carefully, kissing Pearl with both of her hands moving to hold Pearl’s cheeks ever so gently.

She could feel the grim on Lapis’s hands, mixed with the slight bit of sweat that came with the hot summer weather, and it should have been disgusting, but something about it was...charming. Pearl exhaled through her nose and melted into her.

They kissed for another moment, lips moving gently against the other’s. Finally they separated with a small, simultaneous sigh, but their foreheads still pressed together. Pearl couldn’t help the smile that threatened to burst forth. It somehow proved infectious, and, with one little glance between them, they burst into soft little giggles.

Lapis’s hands rested lightly on Pearl’s shoulders, and the feeling was rather nice. Lapis nudged her nose lightly against Pearl’s.

“What are you thinking about?”

Pearl blinked, slightly confused at the question. “What- do I have a funny look on my face?”

Lapis laughed softly. “No. Sometimes you get this dazed look after I kiss you, and I just wonder what you could _possibly_ be thinking.”

She looked at Pearl expectantly. Pearl felt her cheeks warm. “I just-well I-“ she stopped, as she became more embarrassed at her answer. Because the truth was that her mind sort of turned to mush whenever Lapis kissed her, or touched her, or held her hand or-

She stopped that train of thought, as it was only serving to turn her face redder.

Lapis pressed a hand over her mouth, but a few giggles still escaped. Pearl shoved at her shoulder, but that only made Lapis laugh harder. She didn’t want to, but Pearl found herself laughing with her. Soon they were both laughing so hard they couldn’t stop.

Finally, perhaps even minutes later they both managed to get a bit of control and take a few breaths. Lapis’s hands clung to her, holding them both together.

“I-I love you so much, you know?” she said breathlessly, chest still heaving to get air in. Pearl’s cheeks probably resembled cherries at this point, but she decided to let it go. “Yeah-I-I l-love you too.” she croaked out, her voice painfully hoarse.

That made Lapis smile in that shining, soft way, that way that was so open and honest, the way she only smiled when it was just them. They sat there, knees pressing into the dirty floor of the shed, each just holding each other gently.

Sometimes they just needed the comfort of the feeling of being close to the other. They just needed to sit, and feel the other’s presence.

Pearl exhaled.

Slowly they pulled apart. “My-my mother will want me in soon. For dinner. And I have to clean up quite a bit.” Lapis studied her face, eyes twinkling. “Yeah. You know though, you look pretty cute like this, all grimy and dirty.”

Pearl turned positively red at that. She buried her face into her hands, trying to hide her burning face, and groaned. “Do you try to make me as embarrassed as possible?” she mumbled through her hands.

Lapis laughed, and gently prided Pearl’s hands from her cheeks. Pearl met her eyes shyly, only to be met with a cheeky grin. “Actually, yes."

Pearl frowned. “Wha-“

“It’s a game I play. Of how red I can make you blush.” she said, entirely unashamed. Pearl stared at her, a bit speechless. Lapis just continued to grin.

Finally Pearl sighed. “You are just-ugh. Absolutely ridiculous.” Lapis just continued to smile.

They both hauled themselves up, and brushed at their dirty knees and arms and clothes. Pearl sighed softly. “I am absolutely filthy now.” she muttered. Lapis shrugged. “That’s why we have showers.”

“Can you imagine back when people didn’t have running water?”

Lapis’s nose wrinkled. “They must have been really smelly, stinky humans.”

That made Pearl laugh. They started to the back gate, so Pearl could see Lapis out. “This was fun.” Lapis said softly. Pearl smiled. “Thank you. I had fun too-“

She paused, as she heard voices floating out of the kitchen window a few feet away.

 

“-and you actually let her buy such a foolish thing? Really Catherine, what were you thinking?”

It was a man’s voice. Her father. There was a irratated huff. Her mother.

“I was _thinking_ , Henry, that it was her money, that she may do whatever she pleases with.”

“Now see, that’s exactly why girls don’t need to have their own money. They just run off and spend it on foolishness. An old bicycle, of all the things…”

Pearl’s fingernails pressed into the palms of her hands with a painful ache. There was a pause, and Pearl prayed that it was over.

 

“Pearl didn’t used to behave like this. She used to be a good, well-behaved girl. Now…I’m telling you, it’s because of that- _damn_ girl. I don’t give a damn who her mother is, she's a terrible influence on our daughter, polluting her mind with just- trash thoughts and ideas. She needs to go- and maybe Pearl might start behaving half-decently again.”

“They’re friends. What’s so wrong about that.”

A loud snort. “Pearl doesn’t need a _friend_. She needs someone who will show her how to act like a respectable girl. The way she’s been acting, one would think she’s forgotten.”

There was more, more that her father said, and surely something that her mother said, but Pearl couldn’t bare to hear it. She couldn’t couldn't go inside, she couldn’t face Lapis, who had heard everything just as clear as her, so she ran.

Just ran, and ran, her feet pounding the pavement.

Lapis called after her, but Pearl didn’t stop. Couldn’t stop. Vaguely she was aware of the tears that were rushing down her face, spilling over her cheeks in a big mess, but she didn’t quite feel them. She stopped at some corner, her chest burning too much for her to run any more.

She bent over, groaning as the tears continued to flow.

There was a “Pearl!” behind her, and Lapis came running over to her, her face worried. Pearl heard herself sobbing then. And then Lapis was pulling her tearful, soggy mess of a self into her arms, holding her tightly.

Pearl cried into her chest, her words an incoherent babble. Lapis bit her lip and tried her hardest not to begin crying herself.

“Hey, hey. It’s okay, I promise. Pearl, I-it’s okay. I’m here.” she murmured softly. Pearl continued to sob.

Lapis took a deep breath and held her tighter.

                                                                                                                                                                        -:-

  
The wind blew through Lapis’s hair, ruffing her bangs and sending them brushing into her eyes. She brushed them away with a small huff.

Beside her, Pearl was silent, and her eyes were far away. They were walking down the deserted sidewalk, hands laced together. Where they were going, Lapis had no idea. But it was unspoken between them that Pearl wasn’t going home right now.

That she couldn’t go there now.

Lapis gave her hand a gentle squeeze, just to remind Pearl of her presence there, and stayed silent. After all, Lapis had no idea what to say right now. So she would simply be there. Their sandals slapped the pavement in slow, rhythmic sounds.

Beside her, Pearl sniffled quietly. Lapis gave her hand another squeeze.

“Are you all right?” Stupid question. Lapis mentally kicked herself.

But Pearl didn’t seem to get any more upset, only giving a watery smile in her direction. “I-I…no.” Pearl answered quietly, her blue eyes avoiding Lapis’s.

They kept walking.

Lapis looked over again. “Is there any way that I can help?” she asked. Pearl didn’t answer for a long time. Or perhaps it was a short time, and Lapis was simply impatient. Pearl finally looked at her again. Her eyes were sparkling with tiny, unfallen tears.

“Could you just…stay? I-I don’t want to be alone right now.” she whispered in a faint voice.

Lapis nodded instantly. “Of course. I’ll stay ‘till your sick of me.” she said, grinning faintly and giving Pearl's shoulder a playful nudge.

To her delight, Pearl mirrored her smile, and although a bit weak, a smile was a smile.

“Hey.”

Pearl nodded. “Yes?”

“Do you want to go home now?”

Pearl was still, and Lapis knew that it meant a no. She smiled. “I wanna show you something. We could walk there from here, but it’d take a little while. Is that okay?”

Pearl thought on it for a minute, her eyes flitting over Lapis’s face. Finally she gave Lapis a tiny nod. “Okay.”

Lapis grinned. “Come on.”

She grasped Pearl’s hand tightly, and gently pulled Pearl after her. The taller girl made a small gasp of surprise, but she followed, stumbling a bit, after Lapis. They ran down the sidewalk, feet pounding the pavement, running hard enough to make their chests heave for breath.

Sometime during this they started laughing as they went, and Lapis couldn’t remember if it was before or after the bright smile returned to Pearl’s face.

They laughed, from the sheer delight of it all, and ran on.

                                                                                                                                                -:-

  
They sat on a tall brick wall, the one that went around the rim of Lapis’s neighborhood, and sitting on it they were able to look up at the sky without tree branches blocking chunks of it. The sky was turning shades of pink and orange above them, and behind that, there were faint twinklings of stars.

Pearl stared up at it, but Lapis could see in her eyes that her mind still wasn’t entirely there. Part of it was still stuck within herself, twisting and worrying and hating, all coiled up in knots in her mind.

Lapis wished there were something she could do to get Pearl out from her own mind. But somehow she knew that there wasn’t a way.

That was something only Pearl could do.

They were silent for a little while, happy to just watch as the sun dipped in the sky. Then Pearl gave out a tiny sigh, and shifted to rest her head on Lapis’s shoulder.

Lapis was perfectly still. Then, very gently, she wrapped an arm around Pearl’s shoulders. A ghost of a smile pulled at Pearl’s lips.

She shifted again, sighed softly into the curve of Lapis’s neck, and then was quiet.

Words bubbled to Lapis’s lips, questions like, _are you okay, what are you feeling right now, what can I do to help you_ , but none of them fit.

She knew it too. So she stayed silent, kept her arm around Pearl’s shoulders, and just watched the sky.

                                                                                                                                                           -:-

  
They walked back to Pearl’s house together, hands clutching the other’s. Pearl’s skin was like ice.

Lapis traced her thumb over her knuckles, as if something so useless might warm her hands. Pearl had barely said a word the entire time. Lapis had a vague idea what might be going through her head though.

Pain. Hurt feelings. The thought that, no matter what you did, you might never be able to make your parents like you.

Lapis squeezed her hand tightly. All too soon they reached Pearl’s house. It was dark by this time, darker than Lapis had realized, and the lights inside Pearl’s house shone through the windows brightly. Pearl turned to her.

“I need to go.” She gripped at Lapis’s hand. Lapis smiled at her, trying to make her feel better in any way possible. “Everything will be fine, I promise. Okay?”

Pearl’s eyes traced over her features. “…okay.”

Lapis squeezed her hand encouragingly. Pearl was still waiting on something. Lapis smiled softly, and with a gentle hand to her cheek leaned up onto the tips of her toes and pressed her lips against Pearl’s.

Pearl exhaled suddenly, as if she had been waiting this entire time, and kissed her back. Her lips were soft and shy, even after all this time. Lapis couldn’t help but smile. They kissed for another moment, and Lapis thought she could kiss her forever if she could. But she knew that she could not.

After one last regretful kiss, Lapis pulled away. Pearl followed her, but Lapis shook her head. “Pearl, we can’t.” she whispered.

Pearl’s big eyes filled with tears. “L-lapis- I-I can’t- I don’t want to go home. I-I just….” she stopped, the tears tumbling down her cheeks, leaving pale streaks where they ran. Lapis brushed them away with her fingers, and hoped Pearl wouldn’t realize they were trembling.

“Hey, hey, now. Don’t cry. Everything will be fine. Your parents might be upset, but that’s because they love you. They really do Pearl, I’m certain that they do.” She ran her hands along Pearl’s thin, bare arms, trying in some way to be soothing.

“And you know that I love you.”

Pearl sniffled. “I-I know.”

Lapis smiled teasingly. “More than anything.”

That made Pearl roll her eyes. “I know.”

Lapis laughed softly. “Good. But I’m going to keep telling you, to make sure you don’t forget.”

Pearl let out a breathless laugh, wiping at her teary eyes. “All right then.”

Lapis gave her a soft smile. “You good?”

Pearl nodded weakly. “Never better.” Lapis grinned. “Great. Glad to hear it.”

Pearl groaned slightly. “I suppose I’d better go and face my doom now.” she said gloomily. Lapis patted her back. “Go slay those dragons girl.”

Pearl gave her a weird glance. “You’re a little weird, you know that, right?” Lapis smirked a little. “Don’t blow my cover, now.”

That made Pearl laugh. She started up the stairs that led to her front door, and Lapis watched her go. Pearl turned one last time, waving to Lapis, before going inside. Lapis bit her lip, and then she turned towards her own house.

She slipped away into the shadows of the night.

                                                                                                                                                                 -:-

  
The next morning Pearl opened her eyes with a groan.

Sunlight shone in through the curtains, casting patterns of gleaming light onto her sheets. Pearl sighed, rubbing her eyes slightly. She remembered the night before. Her father had been so mad that he had gone up to his study before Pearl had gotten home.

Her mother had been very much around though, and she had yelled enough for the both of them. She had told Pearl how irresponsible she was being, and how careless. She had babbled about how Pearl would never get anywhere in life if she continued down this path.

Once she had finally run out of steam she had told Pearl to go to bed, nevermind the fact that she still hadn’t eaten anything in hours.

Pearl sighed. She hadn’t been very hungry anyway.

She glanced over at the clock.

7:30.

Pearl sighed. And now began a long day of being stuck in the house with a mother that was certainly still very much angry at her. Pearl groaned, and flopped back down in her sheets.

                                                                                                                                                                   -:-

  
After she had pulled herself out of bed, Pearl had taken a quick shower, gotten dressed, and gone downstairs. She glanced warily around the rooms she passed through, looking for where her mother might be lurking.

She made it to the kitchen without finding her. The house seemed to be empty. A small note on the counter confirmed it.

It read- _Pearl, I have gone to visit a cousin of mine. She has fallen ill and needs my assistance. Her house is in Patterson County and I won’t be back till this evening. Mother._

Pearl took up the note and read it through several times. That evening. Her father would probably be working late as well, since that was common for a Friday.

Pearl suddenly broke into a wide smile. She had the entire day to herself. Pearl exhaled.

She wondered if Lapis was busy. Well, she would simply find out for herself and see. Quickly she darted around the house and collected her jacket, her shoes and purse, and an apple. Then, after putting on the jacket and shoes, slipping the purse strap over her shoulder, and carrying the apple in her hand, she left out the back door.

                                                                                                                                                                    -:-

  
She nibbled on the apple along the way to Lapis’s house, but by the time she got there it was starting to taste a bit sour. Pearl knocked hesitantly on the door. She hoped Lapis wouldn’t be annoyed that she had come over so early.

It took a moment or four, but finally little pattering footfalls came to the door and opened it just a crack. Lapis’s eyes widened at the sight of Pearl.

Pearl shifted awkwardly in front of the doorway. “Hi..” she murmured shyly.

Lapis stared at her, before breaking into a wide smile. “Hey! I didn’t think that your parents were going to let you out for at least a week.”

Pearl shrugged awkwardly. “Um, yeah.”

Lapis blinked. “Oh, sorry. Come in.” she said with a grin, opening the door wider. Pearl smiled shyly and followed her inside to the kitchen.

Lapis was still in her pajamas, which were basically a large tee shirt with that weird band she liked on the front, and no pants. It wasn’t like Pearl hadn’t-seen her like that, it was just that she hadn’t noticed that little sway in Lapis’s hips when she walked.

It was a very pleasant thing to watch, and she knew that she was staring when Lapis turned around with a knowing grin on her face. Pearl knew that she had never been that red in her life. Lapis’s kitchen was bright with the morning light. The blue haired girl took a couple steps closer to where Pearl was standing, her dark eyes never leaving Pearl’s face.

Pearl swallowed. “I-I-sorry. I didn’t mean to stare like that-“

Lapis cut her off with hands to her shoulders and lips to Pearl’s own. She pulled away.

“-and it’s very bad, I know that-“ another kiss. “-but I’m just-“ kiss. Finally Pearl gave up and simply melted into her. Lapis’s hands wandered, one running through her hair and the other gripping at her hips.

Pearl gasped, and that only seemed to make Lapis more confident. Pearl felt herself kissed a little harder, a little more biting. When Lapis pulled away Pearl felt as though she might pass out.

She had to blink a couple of times before she could regain any coherent thoughts at all. Lapis giggled at her expression. She pecked Pearl’s lips and then her nose, and then slipped away, that bright smile still on her face.

Pearl stared after her. “I-I suppose that you’re glad to see me.” she said shyly. That made Lapis grin. “Oh, so glad. But that’s not why I kissed you.” Pearl swallowed. “Oh-um, why then?”

Lapis arched an eyebrow. “I saw you staring.”

Pearl knew her face would probably be permanently burned red after this.

“I-I wasn’t staring. I was just…following you.” Lapis rolled her eyes. “You know, it’s all right to admit that you were staring at my butt. I really don’t mind.”

“Lapis! I-I will have you know, that was not what was happening at all! I was just…”. She bit her lip, and Lapis broke into laughter. Pearl blushed, but she found herself smiling too.

Lapis opened up her refrigerator, letting out a cloud of cold air into the room. She pulled out a loaf of bread and some other things, setting them out on the counter. “What are you doing?”

Lapis shrugged at the question. “Breakfast sandwich. Little baloney, little cheese, and stuff, it’s great. And easy.” Pearl nodded vaguely. Lapis began to make the sandwich, and the smell of food drifted over to her.

Pearl found herself hovering near Lapis’s shoulder. Lapis eyed her with something that seemed like amusement. “Something I might help you with?” Pearl blushed brightly. “O-oh. I was just- that smells really good.”

Lapis smiled softly. “Want me to fix you one too?” Pearl immediately shook her head. “Oh, no. Of course not. I already had, like, half an apple on the way here so…”. she finished weakly. As if to prove her a lier, her stomach let out a grumble at that moment.

Pearl let out an awkward laugh. “Oh, I don’t know why it’s doing that.”

Lapis arched an eyebrow. “Pearl. When was the last time you ate. Not an apple, or a piece of bread. A real, entire meal.” Pearl twisted her fingers together nervously. “Um, breakfast…yesterday?”

Lapis gave her a look. Pearl tried to defend herself. “I was just very busy yesterday! I wasn’t hungry. Then once I went home my mother didn’t really let me sit down and actually eat dinner.”

Lapis scowled. “You’re kidding.”

Pearl laughed weakly. “No. But it’s not as if I expected her to have dinner waiting on me. Besides, I was so upset by that point that I probably would’ve thrown up anything that I would’ve tried to eat.”

Lapis’s frown was still there. “That’s just so stupid. I’m sorry, but that’s just-“ she stopped. “So if your parents were so mad that you were out for thirty minute too late, then how in the world did you get to come over here today?”

Pearl shrugged. “My father’s always gone-off at work. My mother’s gone to visit a sick cousin who lives a couple of hours away. She won’t be back till tonight.”

Lapis nodded, her mind thinking over what Pearl said. She smiled wryly. “I think that you are the only person whose parents give more freedom to when they get in trouble.”

Pearl shrugged. “It doesn’t matter. I…don’t even want the freedom. I hate knowing that, right now, my mother is angry at me. I’d rather be stuck in the house with nothing to do rather than her be mad at me.”

She sighed, propping her elbows up against the marble countertop. Lapis watched her, silent. “Why were your parents so mad?” Pearl exhaled. “Because they had told me to come in at a certain time, and I came in thirty minutes after that.

They didn’t even ask if I had gone somewhere. My mother- she had thought I had been working on the bicycle that I had bought. They didn’t- didn’t even go outside to look for me. They-they just got mad.”

Pearl’s voice was wavering and weak, and she couldn’t bring herself to look at Lapis.

“That’s not fair.”

Pearl smiled weakly. “It’s just as well. If they had come outside then they would’ve seen that I wasn’t there, and then I would be dead right now.”

Lapis wiped her hands on the kitchen towel cloth. “But they didn’t. It’s all fine. And now you’re here with me. And today’s going to be great.”

Pearl blinked, as Lapis plopped down a sandwich, identical to the one she had made for herself, in front of Pearl. “Eat. I’m gonna get dressed, and then we’re gonna take off. Okay?” Pearl smiled down at her, Lapis’s dark eyes bright.

“Okay.”

Lapis grinned, and, with a quick little bounce of her toes, pecked her cheek. Then she darted out of the kitchen. Pearl could here her footfalls as she ran up the stairs, and Pearl had to fight the urge to laugh. She took a bite of her sandwich. It was so good. She scarfed down the rest of it.

Pearl was waiting by the front door when Lapis came back down the stairs. Lapis glanced at her. “You didn't eat that sandwich already, did you?” Pearl blushed faintly. “Um…it was really good.”

That made Lapis grin. “You wanna go?”

Pearl nodded. She grabbed her purse that was resting in the chair beside her and stood. They both started out the door, and Lapis locked it behind them.

                                                                                                                                                             -:-

  
Pearl tried several times to get Lapis to tell her where exactly they were going, but Lapis simply smiled mischievously and shook her head.

It was far enough that they couldn’t walk there though, so they were riding on Lapis’s horrid motorbike thing. Pearl winced and wrapped her arms tighter around Lapis’s waist. Lapis gave her a tiny glance over her shoulder, and then slowed down a bit.

Pearl smiled gratefully, even though she knew Lapis couldn’t see her face, and shifted a little closer.

They rode on.

  
Finally, once they were fairly out of town, they pulled over to the side of the road. As soon as Lapis came to a stop, Pearl let out a quiet groan of relief. Lapis slipped off the bike, rolling her eyes.

“Am I really that terrible a driver?”

Pearl shook her head, blinking a couple times. “No…I just hate that thing. Ugh.”

Lapis smiled wryly, and offered her a hand. Pearl took it gratefully and slipped off the bike as well. “So..where is this?” Pearl asked, glancing around curiously.

Lapis smirked. “Not there yet.” She started off into the semi-forested area in front of them, gesturing for Pearl to follow her. Pearl rolled her eyes and followed her weirdo of a girlfriend.

They walked through the woods for something like five minutes, and then suddenly the trees cleared away, revealing a small lake. The water was smooth and clear, glittering in the sunlight. Pearl looked over at Lapis questionably, and the blue haired girl just grinned at her.

“Lapis…what is this?”

“A lake.”

“I can see that. But how did you even know that this was here? And why would no one else be here?”

Lapis grinned even brighter, barely able to contain herself. “It’s privately owned.”

Pearl pursed her lips. “It’s privately owned? Then Lapis we really shouldn’t be here-“

“It’s owned by Diamond Industries.” Lapis waited for her to get it. “-your mother’s company.”

Lapis nodded. “We can hang out here, and not be bothered by anyone.” She took a small step closer to Pearl. “We can do whatever we please.” she said softly.

Pearl smiled. “That sounds nice.” Lapis’s lips curved into a smile. “Does it?”

Pearl leaned a bit closer. “It does.” Lapis’s eyes fluttered shut as she leaned into Pearl. “I thought it might.”

Pearl giggled softly. Their lips met in a soft kiss. Pearl’s hands fell to rest at the swell of Lapis’s hips, as Lapis’s arms wrapped around her neck, pulling Pearl closer to her. They kissed happily for another moment.

Then Lapis pulled away and ran darting towards the lake. Pearl smiled at her enthusiasm.

They walked together to the lakeside, Lapis ahead, with Pearl going carefully behind her. The shoreline was a bit rocky, but they both had worn sandals, and it wasn’t too bad if one picked their steps carefully.

Overhead the sun was rising higher and higher in the sky. The rays of light shone against Pearl’s skin, warming it. Lapis hesitated once she realized how far behind her Pearl was getting.

She darted back to Pearl’s side. “Hey, come on!” she said grinning. Her hand laced with Pearl’s, and Pearl enjoyed how strong and warm her grasp was. “You’re just impatient.” she answered, biting back a smile all the while.

Lapis rolled her eyes. “Yessss.”

Her grasp on Pearl’s hand still gentle, she tugged Pearl to the shoreline, where the water was lapping against the rocks. Lapis’s eyes were positively gleaming.

Pearl thought it was absolutely adorable.

The blue haired girl quickly pulled off her sandals and gestured for Pearl to do the same. Pearl shrugged off her bag and, after putting it safely on top of a higher rock, took off her own sandals. Lapis was waiting on her, but Pearl could tell that it took all of her will not to go rushing into the water.

She smiled and straightened towards her beaming girlfriend. Lapis held out her hand once more, and Pearl took it. Then Lapis tugged her into the water.

It was shallow water, only reaching to about their ankles, but Pearl still couldn’t help but to squeal a tiny bit at how cold it was. That made Lapis laugh and laugh, while Pearl tried and failed to frown.

There was a mix of silty mud and a bit of sand between her toes. It was both disgusting and nice at the same time. As the sun beat down harder and hotter, the cool water became more and more pleasant. Lapis’s smile was wider and brighter than Pearl had ever seen.

She watched the other girl slosh around, stomping and splashing, grinning when she made Pearl squeal again by splashing her. It was a mess of squishing and splashing and giggling, and Pearl felt as if her face was stuck in a permanent grin and perpetual blush.

                                                                                                                                                              -:-

  
After sloshing around in the water for who knows how long they both waded out and back to the shore, where they hauled themselves up onto a high rock where the sun could beat down on them.

Lapis brushed her bangs from her eyes with a motion and grinned at Pearl. Pearl stretched her legs out, hoping to dry them. It was a bit of an awkward position, and it would’ve been made even more awkward if she hadn’t made the decision to wear shorts that day.

Even so, it only highlighted just how much…longer she was than Lapis. But as Lapis shifted so she was seated just between Pearl’s legs, she found that she didn’t mind all that much. Lapis’s back pressed against her chest, and her head tucked perfectly into the curve of Pearl’s neck.

She let out a little breathy huff, and cuddled a little bit closer to Pearl.

It was ridiculous; they had been far closer than this, and during far more intimate moments, but there was just something about Lapis being pressed against her body, her warm skin flush against Pearl’s own, that made Pearl’s heart race.

Lapis’s hair brushed her cheek as she wiggled again, and it was like a feather had touched Pearl’s cheek. Pearl took a slow inhale of air. Shyly she wrapped her arms around Lapis’s waist, pulling her even closer.

“Stop wiggling.” she murmured softly. Lapis giggled quietly. “Sorry.”

Pearl shrugged absently. She pressed a gentle kiss onto the top of Lapis’s head, then one on her cheek, and then another on the bare skin of her shoulder. Lapis sighed happily, and leaned into her even more, if that were possible.

She twisted slightly in Pearl’s arms, so that she could kiss Pearl’s jaw lightly. Lapis brushed a hand over Pearl’s short hair. Her dark eyes, glinting in the light, studied Pearl’s expression.

“Are you sure you’re all right?”

Pearl smiled faintly. “Yeah. I’m fine.”

Lapis stared at her for another minute, still hesitant to believe her. Pearl gave her another second or two, and then she leaned forward, too impatient to wait, and kissed her again. Lapis smiled against her lips, Pearl could feel her do it, and laced her arms around her neck.

They kissed softly for another moment. It could have been a minute, or an hour. All Pearl knew was that by the time Lapis was pulling away with that same insufferable smirk on her face her mind had long been turned to nothing but mush.

Lapis’s eyes twinkled. She kissed the top of Pearl’s nose before pulling back, trying to hide her giggles all the while. Pearl simply flushed brightly and looked away.

By the time she had managed to look up at Lapis again, the blue haired girl had pulled something out of her bag. Two sandwiches, both wrapped in tin foil. Lapis noticed her looking, and grinned. “Here.”

She handed one of the sandwiches to Pearl, their fingers brushing as it passed. They both blushed, but said nothing. They sat on the rock, legs crossed and shoulders pressing into the other’s, as they ate their sandwiches.

The sandwich Lapis had given her was delicious. Pearl appreciated that Lapis had bothered to bring her anything at all.

The wind blew, ruffling both their hair. The water on the lake glinted and gleamed in the June light. Overhead the sky was cloudless, a shining, perfect blue. It reminded her of Lapis’s eyes.

For the first time in weeks Pearl felt empty. There was no school, no grades, no tests to worry over. Her parents' words felt like faraway ghosts. They would come back, Pearl was certain of that.

But right now they were far away feeling.

Beside her Lapis sighed, and let her head fall against Pearl’s shoulder. Her hair was soft against Pearl’s skin. There were so many things that Pearl wanted to tell her. But she couldn’t find the words.

The metal of the silver ring she wore on her pointer finger because that was the only finger it would stay on glinted in the sunshine. Pearl twisted it around her finger absently.

Lapis’s eyes watched her do it. Lapis bit her lip, and Pearl could tell from her expression that there was something that she really wanted to say. But she was hesitating. Pearl nudged her gently on the shoulder, making Lapis blink out of her thoughts.

Their eyes met, and Pearl smiled encouragingly at her. Lapis’s fingers curled together, and her eyes darted out to the water.

“Pearl, do you think-“ she stopped.

Pearl leaned over to grasp one of Lapis’s hands gently. She laced their fingers together. “Do I think what?” Pearl asked Lapis softly.

The blue haired girl bit her lip again. “I just hope- that you. You and I, we…I hope everything stays okay. I hope it gets better. Than it is now. For you, I mean. I’m perfectly happy. Not that you’re having trouble, that I’m with you now and I-“ she stopped again, groaning.

“Oh god. That was a disaster.”

Pearl laughed softly, and then, completely thoughtlessly, pressed her lips against Lapis’s. Lapis gasped softly in the back of her throat, and the noise made Pearl’s stomach flutter. They pulled apart after a small moment, and Pearl was delighted to see redness dusting over Lapis’s cheeks.

Her eyes were still shut, dark lashes spread against her cheeks. Pearl kissed her forehead, unable to help herself. There was something, a swelling feeling inside her body, and it was growing. She only felt it when she was with Lapis like this.

When it was just her and Lapis, when there was no voices in her mind, telling her to stop. That this was a girl, and that a girl was someone who was supposed to be an acquaintance, nothing more. She was not supposed to love this girl with every fiber of her being.

But she did.

She loved Lapis more than anything.

She loved her smile, her laugh when Pearl did something ridiculous, the gleam in her eyes before she kissed Pearl. The curve of her cheeks, the sway of her hips.

Pearl cupped Lapis’s cheek gently, as the other girl’s eyes finally fluttered open. “Hi.” Pearl whispered, giggling softly at Lapis’s dazed expression.

Lapis sighed. “Now I’ve completely forgotten what I meant to say.” Pearl giggled again. “My master plan all along.”

Lapis shoved at her shoulder half-heartedly. “Jerk.” Lapis muttered. There was a smile on her face when she said it though. Pearl couldn’t help but beam.

Lapis leaned into her side, and, after a moment of debate, Pearl shyly wrapped an arm around Lapis’s shoulders. Lapis sighed and let her head fall against Pearl’s shoulder, and after a minute, her eyes drooped, then closed.

Pearl was silent, and then she heard heavy breathing. She glanced over, and found Lapis fast asleep. Pearl smiled. Carefully she wrapped both her arms around her sleeping girlfriend and pulled her closer. Pearl scooted slowly onto her back, tugging Lapis with her.

She lay with her back against the rock, sun shining in her eyes, and Lapis pressed against her chest. Pearl ran a hand over Lapis’s hair, smoothing it gently and then let her own eyes shut as well.

 

  
They both slipped carefully off Lapis’s motorbike, and Pearl was once again grateful to the grip of Lapis’s hand that she so kindly offered to Pearl.

The sun was low in the sky, and soon, she knew, her mother would be returning home. She couldn’t stay with Lapis for very much longer.

Lapis’s fingers rubbed absently at her wrists, and toyed with her fingers. There was a dreamy feeling in the air, with the way the wind was drifting by in lazy puffs, and the sky turning all different shades of orange. They both came to a stop in the middle of the brick pathway that led to Lapis’s front door.

The moment was quiet, with neither one of them wanting to break the delicate silence. Finally Pearl exhaled.

“I need to go. I have to make sure to be home before my mother is, or she will actually kill me.”

Lapis blinked, as if she was just coming out of a daze, and then her lips twisted into a familiar smirk. “I doubt that.” Pearl shrugged vaguely. “I don’t know.”

Lapis’s thumb rubbed at her wrist comfortingly. “Everything’s going to be okay.” Pearl smiled faintly. “It will.”

She turned so that she was facing Lapis. “Thank you for today.” she whispered softly, before she leaned forward and kissed her girlfriend gently. She felt Lapis smile, before she melted into her, arms twisting round her neck.

Lapis’s fingertips ran softly through her hair, and the simple touch made Pearl want to giggle. They kissed for another moment, before they reluctantly separated.

Lapis’s eyes shone as she smiled at Pearl. “Go on now.” And she shoved Pearl gently away from her.

Pearl giggled faintly. “All right. I’ll call you later?”

Lapis grinned. “Definitely.”

Pearl smiled at that, and then, with a couple waves and several looks over her shoulder, she started home.

  
Pearl fortunately arrived home to an empty house. Her mother’s car wasn’t in the driveway, and Pearl let out a breath of relief she hadn’t been aware she was holding.

Quietly, feeling a bit of shame at feeling so relieved at not being caught, Pearl slipped inside. The stairs creaked beneath her feet as she went up to her bedroom.

From the sticky feeling that coated her body, she knew that a shower would be a necessity.

Pearl went into her bathroom and quickly pulled off her clothes, before getting into the shower. Water spilled over her shoulders, rushing over her skin and wetting her hair. She sighed, enjoying the feeling of the day’s grim being washed away. She spent extra time making sure her hair was clean.

Finally, after she felt throughly and properly clean, Pearl got out of the shower and wrapped a towel around herself. She dried her skin carefully, before she left the bathroom. A small cloud of steam followed her.

Pearl sighed softly, before she flopped down on her bed with a groan. A smile curled at her lips as the memories of the day flittered through her mind. Lapis’s kisses, the soft touch of her fingertips as they traced circles on Pearl’s skin.

She shut her eyes, letting the memories wash gently over her. The way Lapis’s blue eyes had perfectly reflected the sparkles in the water. Pearl sighed. The metal of the ring on her pointer finger was strangely cool.

Pearl raised her hand so she could fully gaze at it. It was a wavy metal bad, with a small white pearl embedded in the centre of it. Every time she looked at it, a smile came to her face, and this moment was no different.

Pearl smiled to herself. With a small glance to her window, she could see that outside it was growing dark. There was a noise of a car pulling into the driveway outside.

She sighed. That was probably her mother.

She rolled over onto her side, and decided to let it go. At least for the moment.

She had just had one of the best days of her life, and now it was over, so her mother had no power to ruin it now. Pearl exhaled, and rubbed at the ring on her finger.

Something about it being there was just so…comforting. Even when she was all alone in her bedroom, it made her feel less alone.

Pearl smiled at it a last time, and then shut her eyes to sleep, determined to dream of nothing but kisses and sunshine.

She fell asleep too soon to hear her bedroom door creak open, or the tired sigh that was made before it fell closed again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's now official: I have been updating this story for 2 whole entire years!!!! Ahgg that's really waaaay too long. Although now I can say now for certain that I am crazy!! :D 
> 
> I know of at least one (very amazing) person who has been reading and reviewing for that entire time and that's just^-^  
> I'm curious though, how many people are here that were here from 2 years ago? If you have been reading this for that long then you get an internet kitty for being (nearly) as Pearlapis crazy as I am!! ^-^ <33 
> 
> Really though, this has been such a fun two years, all of you are soooo wonderful, whether you've been here for two years or two weeks I luvvvvv you all<3333333
> 
> And honestly I'll probably still be doing this same story in two more years so>)
> 
> Also those new episodessssss?///?/


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